Don’t blame Me I’m A Martian-8

Chapter 8

I really try to shake off the funk that I’m in as we head to the theatre to see the movies. I have to because yeah it’s really messed up the way that I am but I can’t really do much about it. And If I let this get to me too much then it’s going to get to me all the time. I don’t want to live my life in a constant state of “Poor me, Pity me, Why me.”

It’s got a name, Chimeraism, Intersexed… I’ve got a medical condition. I’m not the only one in the world like this and they cope so I’m going to cope too. Screw that! I’m going to have fun, I’m going to live.

I’m actually glad that I’m a jock you know. There’s this psychology of psyching your self up that kind of comes with the job. I focus on that and the music being played around and the fact people are having fun around us here on vacation and things.

I swear I can feel the good vibes around me and I can feel the funk slide off of me like dirt in the shower.

We get to the theatre and we’re still kind of talking about stuff and I get my tickets to Thor and really got to pee while in line for the snacks. My cousin Chantal notices me and takes me by the hand. “C’mon I’ve gotta use the bathroom.” She starts to drag me to the ladies room. “Hey, I can’t go in there!”

“Well you can’t use the guy’s you’ve got boobs now Dylan. Just think about the assholes and the perv factor.”

“Oh yeah…eeew.”

I get inside and hurry to a stall and sit, yes I’m sitting and it takes me a minute to get uhm organized and I guess relief is relief right I get out and I’m at the sink washing my hands while my cousin’s looking at me.

“What, you were expecting something different Dylan?”

“Uhm actually yeah… it’s kind of a letdown on the feminine mystique thing.”

I’m looking around and there’s stalls instead of the urinals, the paint’s brighter and there’s more sinks and a full wall mirror over that oh and the machine with the pads and tampons in it. Otherwise...other than that and being cleaner it’s not a big deal.

She snorts at me and starts to touch up her make up and it’s so strange, like some kind of habit. The other girls are doing the same and there’s this weird vibe like this always there underlying pressure that they are in some kind of subconscious competition with each other or something that’s so strange to pick up on.
Wow…women…are complicated, there’s all these things going on all at the same time it’s like some kind of subplot…I’m so outside the context of it but part of it at the same time as some of the girls are taking me in and seem to be making opinions of me.

Very weird to get sized up like that and not be on the ice.

We head out to the lobby and line up for the snacks again and I’m a little self conscious at this point I can see some girls I don’t know checking me out and there some guys I don’t know checking me out. I swear I can feel the guys staring at my starter boobs and my butt. So freaking strange.

I kind of lose the awkwardness of the whole thing once I hit the concession stand and the smell s hit me. I get myself a large tub of popcorn salted but with extra butter and an extra large mountain dew no ice. Unless it’s really hot out getting ice is their way of ripping you off of the money on the pop. Oh and I get a bag of BBQ peanuts too. I’m not a sweets eater usually but that’s changing right not I’m in grease and salt mode and crunchy, I’m really into crunchy stuff lately.

We get our seats and I prefer to get down far left but I’m in a group so we actually sit in the middle seats. It’s the safest spot, if some idiot starts throwing popcorn or stuff the middle seats are the safest because the ushers can see you better and them. The back rows are off limits. That’s the territory of the older kids and used because they’re the darkest seats and that’s the best make out spots.

It’s kinda strange to being assumed I’m a girl and there’s a bit of guys getting out of our way and even two moving so we can all sit together. My cousins Chris and Nick give me weird looks when I don’t correct them. I look at them. “Hey if this is the way I’m turning out then I might as well get the benefits.”

…………..The movie was alright, I’m into comics and stuff a bit but being a jock most people wouldn’t assume that. There was an Ooooh gaspy moment when the guy who plays Thor was like all without his shirt and all big and cut and stuff. It was actually kind of interesting, I’m watching and the girls were all like talking about how cute and buff he was but I’m a bit jealous of his body because I’m never going to look like that and that’s still kind of a messed up thing in my self image and while I’m not attracted to him I’m kinda in their shoes a little and I’m trying to get why he’s yummy to them. I mean I know why but the reason…that thing that make’s people go all Ooooh over the opposite sex.

I’ve got know problem checking a nice looking girl out and not in comparison but in the normal guy way. So doe’s that mean that my Chimera sister might have been a lesbian?

But the movie does get better and better and I get more into it and I can actually feel my brain relax and sort of shut off and at one point I let out this sigh of relief like I just got rid of this sinus headache…no more like pressure, I never really noticed it until it stopped. If the movie was a bit suckier or more boring I think I’d have fallen asleep. As it was just out of habit I stretched when I got up and Nick was drinking the last of his pop and his eyes went huge at the sight of me stretching and stared at my boobs and he choked and pop shot out of his nose…we heard a tink on the floor too as one of the melted down ice cubes went out his nose with the pop.

Ow…that so looked painful. But of course we’re all related so it ends up that we’re all laughing at him and I’m sorry I’m laughing pretty hard too, maybe worst because it was sort of my fault.

Honest…I didn’t mean to do it.

Boobs.

Wow, more powerful than I thought.

Oh…if you got to see it or rent it if it’s out on video wait until after the trailers or you’ll miss something for the Avengers movie I think.

……………..We all head out walking through town and we stop at Dairy Queen again, yes twice in a night. But the guys and me are still hungry and the girls hem and haw about their weight and stuff but they get some things still but are actually being really thrifty and sharing. Chris mouths off about girls being pretty chintzy about it we they don‘t got a guy paying for stuff. I don’t know if it’s the hormones but I punch Chris in the arm…hard…then dead-leg him while he’s holding his arm.

“Ow Dylan that hurts you fucker.”

“Hey, you deserve that for being an ass Kissifur.”

“Being an ass? Wadda-ya mean?”

“The reason girls don’t really mind getting stuff paid for is they’re broke half the time. You guys don’t know how really expensive things are for girls.”

“Yeah but no one tells you girls to buy all that crap you get.”

“Oh? And you really think so, you think girls can just not buy underwear or bra’s or make-up. You want them to look good, to smell good, to have everything all just so, while guys get away with being slobs. You guys think you know about peer pressure but you have know idea the stuff they got to go through just to fit in.”

“Yeah well….you chicks are crazy.”

“Yeah and you’re completely dateless….and I’m not a girl!”

“But you’re defending them, you might as well be.”

“Yeah maybe because; One I’m walking in their shoes and Two I’m not an asshole.”

“Whatever dude.”

DQ is pretty popular place to hang out really and we attracted a bit of an audience and some of the girls around are looking at me with smiles and there’s a few with this confused look. Mostly from the tourist kids.

I get fries of course and a burger and some onion rings and there’s a bit of a yuppie crowd there right now mixed in with some tourist kids. They’re a bit annoying but at the same time not that bad either. You spend enough summers here and you get used to the tourists. DQ is kind of popular because they’ve got picnic tables and a couple of speakers under the awning and they pipe out the local radio station that plays some pretty decent rock and roll and they don’t mind a crowd building up because that usually means a lot of business.

We’re just hanging out and not talking about much when I see “Dick” and his buddies and some girls and “Dick” gives me a dirty look and so do a couple of the guys with him and he’s leaned over and muttering into his date’s ear and then she’s looking at me and there’s the stare over my body and a frown and then a sneer on her face as they go inside.

I look at the others and they don’t seem to have really noticed yet and I’m trying to decide whether to leave or not when there seems to be more and more people looking at me and there’s whispers. Not from everyone, but there’s enough..

Uhn-huh, you couldn’t be a man could you? You just had to act like a dick, “Dick.”

Someone whispers into the ear of one of my cousins and she turns and she looks at me I look at her and then I look down.

SLAPP!!!

Yeah the caps because with all the people there and the music playing you still heard it really loud and clear.

Deidre’s standing over the girl who’s actually on the ground crying but looking shocked.
“Dylan’s my cousin you sneaky little skank and it’s a medical condition, you say one more work out of that mouth of yours and I do more than slap the taste out of your mouth!”

Another one…one of the one’s with Rick…I mean Dick…one of the girl shoves Deidre saying. “He’s a freak and a pervert, medical condition my ass he’s some kind of tranny.”

Now Deidre hit’s the ground and bounces right back up to her feet. I’m gonna say there’s a lot of stereotypes about Jersey and stuff but there’s two big groups here; Italian and Irish and we’re the Bishop family.

Oh yeah Deidre’s got her Irish up.

I lunge to try to get in between everything before it becomes an episode of The Jersey Shore. But I’m too late and Deidre’s already hit her twice and is ripping off her dress while the other girl tries to scratch and claw at her and then there’s a rush of people…and cursing and swearing and suddenly it’s a reality TV show.

Then I get hit, a fist slams into my right side of my face and takes me right to my knees. I see stars and see “Dick.” standing over my and hauling off to boot me. I might be getting to be girly but I’m still a guy and playing right wing you get into your fair share of thumps and in a good number of scraps.

I grab his foot as he tries to connect. And lift up and push and twist and turn his leg taking him off balance and to the ground. He goes down with an ooof and while he’d down and I am too I kick him in the face.

We’re both up at the same time and he slugs me again. I don’t so much take it as counter react and we’re both slugging it out like you’d see at the rink. No thinking of planning just reacting both of going all out back and forth with both fists. We’re going all out and I think it goes on for a few minutes before “Dick” vanishes… I mean he was there one second then some fast big dark shape hit’s him. I fall backwards only to be caught by my cousins and I’m reeling as soon as I’m not fighting anymore and I can taste my own blood and I’m trying to get up, to get out of their arms before realizing that I’m not in a fight any more.

I hear Jax….

“I told you…I fuckin told you that you start your shit…you hurt Dylan and you’re gonna deal with me you remember!”

Jax isn’t just kicking “Dicks” butt he giving him a straight up beating. It’s not even a fight, Jax is a trained boxer and he’s methodically and violently beating “Dick.” Badly…as much as I want to be mad at Jax for getting involved because you don’t do that in guy-land unless you’re stopping the fight or the fight was really one sided…I mean it’s just how stuff is. But there’s this new, this other side of me that’s seeing my big brother coming to my rescue…and there’s a mix of my girly sides reaction to that mixed in with it.

I push the others off of me and move over and grab Jax’s arm at the elbow. “Jax!…Jax…stop he’s done, he’s had enough.” It takes everything I’ve got left to pull his arm away.
There’s a bit more chaos going on and Nina pulls in fast in a half ton truck. She’s Amy’s sister, well half sister on her mother’s side and older than me and Amy. She yells at us. “Get in someone called the cops!”

Jax runs to his car with some girl with him and me and my cousins and a few others run and pile into the back of her truck and we peel out of there leaving a trail of burnt rubber and “Dick” and his friends back there as we can start to see the flashing lights.

Nina’s got her truck going about seventy and there’s some yells from us just out of adrenaline and we hit the Old Beach road with Jax’s car and another one behind us and some one cranks up the stereo and “Sympathy for the Devil.” starts to play by The Rolling Stones as we race down the dirt road heading for the beach in the middle of the night.