Don’t Blame Me…I’m A Martian-3

Chapter 3

I’m in here way too long.

Three days, I’m in here and they’ve run every test they can think of at the moment for their “Doctor-Like” interest. They don’t have a clue as to why I’m the way I am past the whole chimera thing and there’s been tests on most of my major organs and I swear they’d have opened me up just to take a better look.

Yes I’m pissy; it’s apparently my time of the month.

Yeah, my hormonal levels are right along side of a pubescent teen girl having her first bout of PMS. Oh never mind the fact I don’t have the ovaries so they’ve got no clue as to how but yeah…cramps, temperature, bloating, and this wild see-saw of emotions that makes me feel like a goth kid on crystal methe and ecstasy. Oh and apparently my boy bits are of a size they shouldn’t be considering the female hormones that’s in my body. It should be smaller but it’s not. Yeah great fun having these assholes playing around with my junk.

The dreams are helping either.

First there’s the me morphing into a girl nightmare and that’s usually all out of proportion. Scary really scary stuff when you are that freaked by it that you can feel your boobs getting bigger and sort of feel and know you’re getting dumber and more like some stupid bimbette. I’ve woken up from those twice now freaked out and in a panic, checking to see if my boobs got bigger overnight.

No, they haven’t. There’s just this hardness underneath this bit of jiggly flesh that’s starting to form. Oh their boobs alright, you can sort of notice them. You can really notice them if I turn sidelong. There’s two slightly curved bumps there now. And they ache, they’re sore and they’re itchy.

The second dream is more personal and more disturbing really. It’s me and then there’s this room or at least there’s this wall of windows and on the other side of it I see myself only it’s not myself but my twin sister. Yeah the one that’s part of me that I absorbed in the womb. I can look through the windows and see this alternate world that might have been her life.

Only she’s me, because in her life her name is Dylan as well. So it’s her other life but it’s me if I was her? Yup really psycho-babble stuff going on there. And I’m not telling anyone about it because the tests are more than enough I really don’t need to be seeing a shrink. I only had this dream once and we ended up looking at each other and there was this whole moment where she was looking at me and at my life with this whole…if only kind of longing in her eyes.
I’m more than ready to get the heck out of here when Mom comes to pick me up with Hillary in tow. No Dad, No Jax just the two of them? The what’s up feeling starts to slowly congeal as we leave Ocean City and start to drive to Atlantic City just twenty minutes away.

“Uhm, Mom? Why aren’t we going back to the cottage?”

“We’re going shopping Dylan there’s things that you’re going to need if this keeps the way it’s going.”

Hillary grins from her spot riding shotgun. “Hey it’ll be cool Dylan; we can have a girl’s day out.”

I give her the finger. And she cackles at me. I look to mom not at all amused. “I’m not a girl; I don’t need to go shopping for girls shit.”

“Stop saying shit Dylan. There’s some stuff you need to have until you get to the point where they’ve stopped growing and you can get surgery.”

“Surgery! WaddayameanSurgery!”

“Well I just thought that you’d not want to go through your life with a pair of breasts. I thought as soon as they were done growing in you’d be wanting a mastectomy.”

“No way! I’m not getting anything clipped, snipped or tucked!”

“So you can live with having breasts?”

“I dunno, but I’m not getting stuff cut off that I don’t need cut off.”

Hillary chuckles. “So sis, welcome to being a girl.”

“I’m not a girl!” I snap at her.

“Yeah well guys don’t have breasts.” She shot back with this smug grin on her face.

“I’m not a guy either or didn’t you hear the fucking doctors Hill, I’m neither! I’m a freak!” I’m crying, I don’t want to but the faucet’s been turned on and it just won’t stop until it stops. Goddamed Hormones…. “(Sniffle) Goddamned Hormones.)

Hillary looks at me her expression gone from teasing to thoughtful to oh shit I fucked up in a few moments. “OhmyGodDylanI’msosorry!” she’s tearing up too which is making mine worse and we’re both sniffling and I look at her and ask. “Hill?”

“Yeah Dylan?”

“Does this mean you’re gonna start looking at me and treating me like a sister?”

“(Sniffle) Yeah, maybe, I dunno.”

“So it’d be cool if I acted like a girl around you? Like a Sister?”

“Yeah…sure!” she’s kind of smiling now obviously getting cheered up by the idea.

I reach ahead to where she’s sitting in the front seat and give her a light slap in the face more to shock her than to hurt her, I wouldn’t do that. I grin at her. “Cunt.” And I say it in the way that only a sister could say it to her sister.

Mom has to stop the car and pull over to the curb she’s laughing that hard as Hillary is first completely shocked as shit then as the car stops she crawls over the seat to get me. She’s lightly hitting me calling me stuff like Skank and Bitch and it kind of ends up in a bit of rough housing and a tickle fight, right about then she hits me by accident? Right in the left boob, or starter boob.

Wow…In a bad way.

It’s not like it but at the same time…it’s very close to getting hit in the nuts. The pain isn’t reduced by the “padding” no it hurts like every nerve just screamed WTF and there’s more nerves and blood vessels and the blood rushes into the areas effected to combat the swelling, it’s a swelling that seems to push the pain all at once like a backlash from the impact and seems to concentrate on my nipple making it ache.

“Ow, goddamn it my tit!” I yell.

“Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit sorry Dylan, shit I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hit you there that hard.”

I just kind of curl up a bit holding by now my throbbing breast kind of gasping. “Oh crap, Oh crap. Oh dammit that hurts, I never though it’d hurt that much.”

Hill’s rubbing my back winching in sympathy. “I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to hit you there.”

“I know, I believe you but wow, holy crap that sucks. It’s okay Hill let’s just not do that again any time soon.”

“Deal, I know how that feels, heck most guys have no clue as to how that feels.”

“Not too far from getting kicked in the stones actually sis.”

“Really? Oh, ow…”

“Yeah really, actually getting kicked in the stones has a more deep gut kind of hurt like that ache that hurts so bad that you want to hurl and fades away after a bit. Getting tit wacked is a sudden pain that rises to a painful ache and throb that fades but in a different way. Both really, really suck.”

Mom turns in the seat to look at us. “Good, now you both know stuff that you should know about when it comes to getting hit in private areas. Dylan you need some of the things we’re going to get. You’re growing and there’s a lot to being a girl or having some of the girl issues that you’re gonna have okay?”

I nod. “Yeah…okay.”

Hillary gets back into the front seat and we don’t actually go into Atlantic City instead we take the exit that leads us to The Shore Mall over in Egg Harbour. We get a parking spot and head into the mall and I’m dreading the entire affair. We go to store after store looking way more than buying except for the hyper embarrassment of being in the women’s clothing sections and my sister having way too much fun buying stuff with the money that she’s saved up.

I on the other hand am having my mother looking things over and picking out my training bras for my starter boobs and it’s as embarrassing as hell. She’s looking at underwear too that I’m going to need eventually with the way that my hips and stuff is supposed to go. The problem is my stuff in the front, we settle on boys styled underwear with a kind of not to girly cut and we get a few bras, nothing to frilly or froufrou mostly just basic trim and cotton with smooth padded liners. The thing is when I get them on and look in the mirror, there’s definitely boobage going on.

I look like a girl. Even in my Metallica tee shirt and my jeans I look like a girl, a little ratty and tomboyish but yeah…still a girl.

We don’t buy it but Hillary just won’t shut up until she gets me into one of those lifting bras for the girls that belong to the itty bitty titty committee and the effect is scary. I look like I’ve got much bigger boobs and there’s even the slight swelling hint of cleavage there. Add in the face that it’s kind of pinkish pearl colored and all delicate and lacy I can’t get it off fast enough and I almost ended up buying it because I almost damaged it getting it off.

Mom was watching me. “Dylan…are your sure that you aren’t going to want the surgeries and stuff?”

“Mom, it’s not just having breasts, I’m gonna have lots of girl stuff going on with my build and my bones and my skin so…fuck it, Y’know I’ve got a medical condition and how many people get stuff done then regret it? Besides…”

“Besides?”

“It feel like I’d be killing her.”

“Who?”

“My twin sister, the one that’s part of me.”

“Oh…”

I look at her and she’s giving me this worried look. “Dylan I’m not sure that’s a good way to look at it. We might need another opinion.”

“Another doctor mom…?”

“I was thinking maybe someone you could talk to uhm…professionally.”

“A shrink?”

“Yeah, honey I think so.”

“I want yours”

“Mine?”

“Mom, I know you’ve been to one over some of the stuff that’s happened to you on the job. Her I’ll trust, you were pretty messed up last summer when you had to shoot that kid in the carjacking.”

“You know about all of that?”

“Mom, we’re kids not just stupid people who live in your house, spend your money and eat all of your food. We love you and dad and we notice when stuff goes on with you guys.”

“You never said anything.”

“What would we say about you getting shot and shooting a kid. We had know idea what the hell to say.”

“I can see that, so you think you’d go to see Stephanie?”

“Yeah, I’ll go. I need to get my head around all of this.”

“Okay, I’ll call her when we get back.”
“Mom?”

“Yes honey?”

“I’m really glad you were wearing your vest that day.” I get overtaken by the damned hormones again and thick heavy tears start to fall and Mom cracks as she looks at me and starts crying too.

“I’m glad that I was wearing it too…” she starts crying really hard and there’s this moment like nothing I’ve ever had with her as she’s got her face in my stomach and crying over something she’s kept away from us for so long. Hill comes in looking worried at the crying and I mouth …Last Summer…to her and she reaches out and holds mom too and the three of us have this hard long but really bonding cry.

Maybe being like this isn’t that bad…I feel so much closer to both of them right now. It’s a feeling that seems to soak right into my heart.

It totally changes the mood of the shopping trip. Both Mom and Hill are way more into me getting my stuff the way that I’m going to be comfortable in it and with it. We actually kind of start to have a pretty good time and I get a look at the more girly side of things as Hillary shops and Mom even gets a few things. Mom’s taste is more along the line of mine, comfortable and sporty. I like some of Hill’s choices for her, not me and I’m liking the more adult but still fun/young look she’s going for to go back to university. If I’m ever going to dress more girly the college look is definitely gonna be more my speed.

There’s other things like some unisex clothes mostly pants and stuff but I get some of those basketball long shorts and some jerseys and guy stuff that mom says won’t irritate my skin and stuff.

But there’s most of my cosmetics that I need to get because of the changes in my skin and my PH balance and stuff. My regular stuff was starting to give me a rash and I’ve got to switch over to the girls stuff. I get all of that and I get some hair removal stuff on my own. I may start to look like a girl soon but I’m not going to be a hairy looking one.
But like the clothes I get I go for the more sporty stuff and not anything that’s too girly. Y’know what, girls get really screwed with some of the stuff they need to get for toiletries this stuff is expensive! Mom and Hillary both get a chuckle from that and take me on a tour through girl land and the cost of nice clothes, lingerie, underwear, make up, jewelry and stuff is expensive way more expensive than I thought.

Then there’s some of the stuff they talk about…Girls say a whole range of things that guys never get to hear. Sex is a big topic but more in the way of Hill asking what she should do and not do and what things mean in the relationship. I chime in from my perspective and get her sort of getting that for guys the sports thing is the hunter gathering thing, and it’s a social thing too. Guys watching the game are like us shopping, it’s a bonding thing in a way. It’s stuff we can talk about and use as an excuse to talk about other stuff and after a game both her and mom are surprised that there’s some of us guys that talk about girls but not just in the sexual way. That more than once it’s about what to do with a girl we’re seeing or to dump a bad relationship and to get a girl we like to go out with us and it’s not all the thug like grunting stuff.

I also get them thinking you can’t get between a guy and his friends by just going out with him. It doesn’t give the girl the right to just take over his life. Hill looks pissed at that. “So I’m dating some guy and I’m supposed to wait around and stuff for him to do his thing with his boys?”

“No, but it’s the way that a lot of girls go about it. You start going out with a guy you start seeing his friends too. If you just jump into their group and start taking over then you’re being a Yoko and they’ll hate your ass and you’ll just either get dumped or strung along for sex.”

“Yeah guys us girls for sex way too much.”

“Yeah but no, you girls get a lot out of some relationships that go nowhere either. How much jewelry do you have from guys that you’re not seeing as a serious relationship, that aren’t Mr. Right. Then the candy, flowers, dinners, dates, drinks we add that all up.”

“So you think guys deserve to have sex because you paid?”

“No, well some assholes are like that but if you’re seeing her and she’s not the right girl and you’re getting sex out of the deal he’s going to keep having sex as long as he can for as long as she’s offering until he can’t stand her anymore or they break up.”

“That’s being an asshole.”

“Not really, both people are getting stuff out of the relationship and it’s not that one sided Hill and you know it.”

“But, Guys should do that stuff and not expect the sex.”

“Yeah but we have higher sex drives, the need to push or line and it’s not just the guys.” I gesture at a store window with lingerie in it. “Women use sex as a weapon too.”

“Yeah but that’s what being a girl is about, we earn less, we aren’t as strong as guys and you can just take what you want sometimes so we’ve got to do things whatever way we can.”

I sigh. “Hill you’re not getting it. Look at the girls you know that are in really happy relationships. The way they dress and act and they’re usually way more laid back than other girls who haven’t found Mr. Right.”

“Yeah that’s because they’re happy.”

“Right, but the thing is to get there you gotta pass through his friends. You just get involved with some of the stuff they do slowly. Not jump in like you’ve got the right. You don’t. A new guy in the group wouldn’t either and you get cut slack for being a girl but they aren’t sleeping with you so they’re judging you on your personality and how you react to THEM not him.”

Hill actually stops looking shocked in that oh crap look. I nod at her. “Yup, you want his friends to like you in the way of when he fucks up with you their telling him he fucked up because they like you. That if he lets you get away he’s a fucking idiot. And they’ll want you around because secretly, we want a girl like that. We all want a girl like that who gets us and likes our friends and can hang with us but not take stuff over but really add to the group in a way that the guys can’t. It’s so not as much about the sex as you girls think.”

“Oh whoa.” She and mom are looking at me. “Hey, it’s not like you girls don’t put guys through the friends test either.”

Hillary looks at me. “But I want a guy that’ll spoil me, that’ll take me out and do things for me and stuff.”

Mom chimes in. “Hillary, that’s just stuff. Dylan’s kind of right on that point. There’s a lot more to the relationship than all of that. Those things are the perks in life, not what life should be about.”

I nod smiling. “It’s more complicated of course but basically in the end Hillary we fall in love with the girl who’s our friend first. It’s the way it’s supposed to work. If you don’t like and love the one you’re with then you’re just getting into crappy relationships and stuff. It’s why so many relationships don’t work, trophy husbands and wives. And abusive relationships on both ends and all that BS.”

Mom nods and Hillary asks. “So what about you and Amy?”

I sigh. “Honestly I don’t know…I mean she’s great and really fun to be around but it’s really strange. It’s hard too. I mean I know she’s going to go out with someone after I leave here just like I date back home but we’re both exclusive with each other when we’re here. It hurts like hell to leave and break things off at the end of every summer. I’ve just been waiting for it to just hurt to much at some point.”

Mom’s frowning a bit. I turn to her. “Look I know you don’t like her mom but Amy’s been through a ton of shit in her life and yeah she’s wild but it’s blowing off steam. Y’know you’re no where near the only person that gives her shit and there’s times she just gets fed up to not caring and gives you guys what you want to see her out of control because she’s been stuck with the label anyways.”

I stare at the floor as we walk. “Hell, there’s times I’m scared that she’ll do something really stupid and she’ll be gone.”

Hill asks. “So are you in love with her?”

“I don’t know? Love her yeah, easily, there’s a lot to love there. In love with her? I dunno, we’ve never had the chance to get that far. I’m scared that this stuff going on with me now’s going to change everything.”

I stop and look at my reflection. Long hair, ball cap, my black t-shirt showing the small curves of my starter boobs and my long lashes and very kind of androgynous look I’ve got going on right now.

“I’m scared of what going to happen with me. I’m scared of what this’ll lead to and that It might actually lead up to actually nothing…ever.”