Previously…

Tanya and I went in and I managed to shake her off, telling her that I had to go up to the dorm to get changed.

‘Which dorm–?’

‘–See you later,’ I replied hurriedly before sloping off and leaving her staring after me.
Nice-but-dim Tanya was becoming a nuisance. Now, if I was a hardened criminal, I might have bumped her off, hiding the body in a cellar or something, but Tanya was a nice girl and so was I and nice girls–or even gels–just don’t do that sort of thing. As it was, I managed to avoid any more unwanted people and finally got up to my room with the minimum of fuss and bother.

I ate some more pork pie, an Eccles cake and a glass of milk and that was lunch finished with. I kind of ached for a nice hot meal and the smells from the kitchen occasionally and tragically wafted over in my direction and tortured me a bit. But I was strong and resourceful and managed somehow to stop myself from rushing downstairs and throwing myself on a plate of bangers and mash–just.

I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid thoughts of the funeral and my position by carrying on reading my Chalet book and waiting for the night to come. I was going to see Alicia again and maybe talk to her about what to do with the rest of my life.

I was really looking forward to having a nice girlie chat with my new “chum.”

And now the story continues…

Lying on my bed, staring at the slightly cobwebbed ceiling, my ears kept picking up at the noises outside of children having a good time. The playing fields were crowded with a multitude of girls doing healthy, sporty things like hockey and lacrosse. I had left the window open a crack so I could hear all the activity, it helped me feel as if I was part of it somehow. From time to time I could also hear the sound of scampering feet as the girls went from class to class as the afternoon wore on into the early evening.

I cast my mind back to the day’s events and my mum’s funeral. She was with dad now, side by side in the cemetery. I felt a bit numb about things at the moment, not willing to think too much of the future or what might happen to me.

So much had happened in such a short period of time. When my dad died, I lost part of myself and then when Mum passed away too, more of me felt somewhat dead inside. It’s hard to explain, but at one time I was someone with a family and roots and a home to go to, although my home wasn’t that great and my parents, especially latterly, had argued so much, that I felt like running away sometimes. Then Dad died and Mum fell apart. Sometimes it was if I was the breadwinner as Mum was just not able to cope with life.

Now she was gone and I had no roots, real home or family. I couldn’t return to my old home as it wasn’t mine anymore to go back to. Anyway, if anybody recognised me outside, I would be taken away into care and I wasn’t having any of that!

Attending Mum’s funeral seemed to draw a line under my old life. I didn’t have anyone to care for me and I was sure that Mum and Dad wouldn’t want me to dwell on the past too much. I would miss them forever, but I had to move on and look after myself, because as sure as eggs are eggs, no one else would be looking out for me.

I heard a whistle outside and lots of clapping. The gels had finished a game and were no doubt glowing–as naturally, gels don’t sweat–chattering with friends and going in for a shower and then some supper, followed by some prep which is, I think, a bit like homework without going home, and then bedtime when they could go to sleep, sure in the knowledge that the following day would be nice, cosy, friendly and safe.

Then I thought of Alicia and remembered that her life was less than fun-filled at the moment. She had parents who were divorcing and appeared not to care about her. She was desperate enough to climb on a dangerous roof and fall. So, others too had problems and I doubted if Alicia was the only one. Then there was the girl who used to be a boy, here at the school and Alicia didn’t know who she was. I wondered if the girl worried about being found out, whether her parents didn’t mind her now being a girl and also did she always feel like she was a girl?

I would really like to meet that girl and I wondered if I could pop down to the office in the night and see if there is any mention of her in the filing cabinets. I would be going down anyway to see Alicia later and I might do that before visiting my new friend.

I got up and went to have a look at my stash of clothes. I was all right for a few days, but then I would have to do another one of my expeditions for some more clean ones. I would return the dirty ones via the washing basket so I wasn’t stealing, just borrowing. Somehow I was starting to feel a bit guilty about taking things. My dad would say that I was getting soft, but it wasn’t that. I had to admit that I was beginning to like this quirky place and it had become sort of home–albeit a temporary one.

I yawned. I had had too many late nights lately and it was all catching up with me now. I decided to go and have a lie down. Today had been very rough on me and I could do with forty winks.

I picked up my dressing gown and went back to the bed and lay on top of the covers. I spread my dressing gown over me and then sank my head back onto the pillow. In seconds, I was asleep.

~ §~

I awoke with a start. It was dark and I could hear the sombre chimes of the bell in the tower. It struck two. I had been asleep for hours! I hadn’t realised how tired I really was. I got up and stretched, my back was rather stiff as the bed had seen decidedly better days–that being the reason it was up here in the first place. Going to the window, I shut it as the room was rather cold. I noted that it was raining and I wondered in passing if that would mean that the girls wouldn’t be able to play games in the morning. Mind you, some of the girls looked quite hard and fit and a bit of rain and mud wouldn’t cause them many problems I would have thought.

I decided to grab a bite to eat and then go walkabout. I had a pork pie which looked and smelt okay and then a Swiss roll, quickly followed by some milk straight out of the bottle–after smelling it for freshness. After that I was ready for anything.

I contemplated whether I should stay dressed or not but decided that I had to be careful. Dad always said that it was all in the planning. It was a pity though how his plans went wrong so often. I loved him dearly, despite his obvious faults, but he was a bit of a dipstick sometimes as Mum was forever pointing out to him.

So I got undressed and put on a clean nightie–my last one. It was white, cotton, with small pink flowers and quite long–down to my ankles in fact. I would have to be careful not to go bum over tits when walking about. I stopped for a second and giggled quietly. “Bum over tits”–where did that come from?

I put my pink dressing gown over my nightie and the slipped on my pink slippers, I was getting to be a bit of a pink freak, it seemed. I used a lacy band to put my hair into a highish ponytail: I didn’t want my hair flying about tonight.

I picked up my trusty bag and torch, then after a quick glance round, opened the door and popped my head out to check all was clear. After closing the door carefully, I made my way along the passage and then downstairs. Opening the door at the bottom of the stairs was a bit of a heart-in-the-mouth moment because I had no idea if there was anyone on the other side, but I was in luck as the passage was empty. I closed the door behind me and winced at the slight creak. I would try and get some 3 in 1 or other oil from somewhere and make it my life mission to make this place squeak free!

I padded along the passage and could hear some heavy breathing and the occasional snore coming from behind closed doors. Now if this had been The Chalet School, the place would be heaving with girls coming to and from midnight feasts, playing tricks on their chums and generally having a jolly time, but this place was as quiet as a nunnery and I wondered where all the spirit was? There wasn’t even a whispered snigger or giggle. Maybe I had caught them on a bad night where they were all cream crackered from all that healthy lung-knackering sport. If I was an enrolled and fully paid up member of this school, I would have larks and jolly japes every night except Sunday–well one did need a rest day.

Soon I was downstairs, not before nearly tripping on the hem of my nightdress and muttering some less than genteel–though girlie–oaths. I crept along like a shadow–assuming that’s what shadows do. Anyway I found my way to the kitchens, once again marvelling that there was no one about. I had visions of a female Percy Pointer, in hair rollers, stalking the corridors searching out wayward and strayward girls with a stout walking stick and an evil eye or two. Did I mention that I had a vivid imagination?

Being a bit of an expert now, it took me moments to grab a bottle of milk and a few other tasty items from the fridge and pantry and then I was off again, heading towards the office.

I heard a noise.

I was just by a cupboard outside the kitchens and to the side of the doorway. In flash, I opened it and slipped in. It had, by feel, brooms, brushes and other cleaning things in it and it was amazing that my foot didn’t kick a bucket or something. I held my breath as I heard the clip clop of heels on linoleum coming towards me, stop for a second, seemingly outside where I was hiding and then continue towards the kitchens. I started breathing again because I was becoming lightheaded as I heard the swing doors of the kitchen–erm swing open.

Then my super-sensitive ears heard the soft but unmistakable sound of the fridge being opened and then closed again, the chink of a cup and then, I think, kettle being boiled. I wasn’t very comfortable where I was and a broom handle was sticking into me, rather unpleasantly in a place that I would rather not mention. I had the fervent hope that whoever it was, would finish doing whatever and just go as my eyes were starting to water. It would just be my luck if he or she was staying in there and maybe rustling up a three-course meal with all the trimmings.

But no, after the sound of a cup being stirred, I heard the rattling of a cup and saucer come nearer and then the door to the kitchen swung open with the now recognisable and inevitable squeak.

Footsteps disappeared into the distance and then came the sound of another door–after that silence.

I stayed where I was for a few more minutes, just in case and then with a sigh of relief, I extracted myself from the broom cupboard as silently as I could. As it was, I did kick a bucket, but not loudly enough to waken the school.

I stood there for a few moments to get my breath back and allow my heart rate to reduce to less than dangerous levels. I tied a mental knot in my finger to check for grey hairs at the earliest opportunity–I was bound to have dozens.

As soon as I was sure the coast was clear, I continued on my merry way. Next stop was the office. I let myself in and then went straight over to the filing cabinets. When I opened the drawer this time, I lifted it slightly and luckily there was only a slight screeching sound. I stopped for a moment just in case, and then began looking through the files.

It was hopeless: there were too many files there. It would take forever and a day to look through all the records and anyway, there were no guarantees that the girl I was looking for would even have any mention on her record of her former status. I gave up after half an hour, just as the clock struck three.

Regretfully, I left the office and made my way to the San. All was quiet and I was pleased about that. I do hate midnight prowlers–don’t you?

After making sure that there was no one about, I crept into the sanatorium and walked over towards the bed in the corner where Alicia was.

It was dark in there, but I daren’t put my torch on. There was a bit of light coming through the windows and I realised that there was a full moon–or close to it anyway.

That was when my luck ran out as somehow I tripped on my nightie and fell over with a clatter, my foot hitting something china-like and solid. I bashed my head on the leg of a chair and was momentarily stunned.

Before I knew it, a light went on, making my eyes shut involuntarily with the brightness.

‘What’s going on here––?’

~ §~

I opened my eyes and there–looking at least seven feet tall–stood Matron and she didn’t look very happy.

I struggled to my feet.

‘Well, girl?’

‘Sorry, Matron, I––I had a headache and––’

‘–Are you blind, girl? Didn’t your form mistress tell you to come to my bedroom if you were not well during the night and not to the sanatorium. What about your dormitory captain? She should have been told first and then come with you. We can’t have girls popping up and wondering about the corridors in the wee small hours of the morning–’

I had started to leak tears. My head hurt where I banged it, so the headache wasn’t really a lie. I touched the bump on my forehead and winced.

‘What house are you in? Who is your form teacher, what dormitory are you––?’

I burst into real tears then, it wasn’t an act. It was all getting really too much for me. I couldn’t take any more.

‘There, there, dear,’ said Matron much more softly, ‘sit on that bed and let me have a look at you.’

I sat down and she looked at my head and then asked me to follow her finger with my eyes as she waved it about in front of me.

‘You’ll do. Look, I think you should stay here tonight, just in case,’

‘But–’ I sniffed.

‘No buts, young lady. What’s your name I can’t remember seeing you but there are lots of new gels at this time of the year.’

‘Lu—Lucinda Davenport, Miss.’

‘And what house are you in?’

‘Bronte, Miss.’

‘So, Miss Howe is your House Mistress. Well it’s late so I’ll speak to her early tomorrow and go and leave a note on the dormitory notice board tonight, so the other gels don’t worry about you. You are in the Firsts dormitory, I take it?’

‘Yes, Miss.’

‘Well, pop into bed and I’ll get you an aspirin.’

I climbed into the bed and she bustled off, all kindness after the initial frostiness.

Despite being upset and a bit sore, I was proud of myself for remembering reading up on the houses and other things that made up the school–the four houses and other important information like that, I mean. I was still in a pickle, but I had gained myself a bit of time–or I hoped I had. I stopped for a moment and remembered my swag bag, where was it? Then I remembered, it was still in the cleaning cupboard, by the kitchen. It was a good job that I didn’t have it as how would I explain all the goodies inside?

A few minutes later, Matron was back with a glass of water and a pill. I had managed to stop crying, thank goodness.

‘Right pop this in your mouth and settle down. I’ll pop along to your dormitory and leave a note there and also at Miss Howe’s office, just in case I don’t catch her first thing. Then I’ll toddle off to bed. If you need me though ring the bell push and don’t get out of bed unless you need the loo which is at the end of the corridor. If you are desperate to go though, use the chamber pot under the bed. Oh you must have kicked it when you fell earlier. It’s all right though, no damage.’

She put the pot under the bed and then tucked me in.

‘Goodnight, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Goodnight, Matron,’ I said as I snuggled down, ‘and thank you.’

‘That’s all right. Sorry I was a bit gruff earlier. I’m not at my best when I’m woken up suddenly.’

She bent over and kissed my forehead.

‘Goodnight, dear,’ she said.

‘’Night, Matron.’

She went to the door, gave me another smile and then switched the light off and went out.

I heard her steps retreating down the corridor so I waited there in the dark and had a think.

As soon as the light had been switched on by Matron I noticed that Alicia was not in her bed. She must have been released from captivity or something. So my coming here was waste of time and had put me in danger, if that was the word.

I lay there, my mind in a turmoil, wondering what to do. It didn’t help that my head was still throbbing from the knock and I hoped that the pill would kick in sooner rather than later.

‘What would dad do?’ I thought, ‘well he wouldn’t stay here in the first place, but still… I know where Miss Howe’s office is, so that isn’t a problem. The dorm is the one beneath where my room is, so I know that too.’

A plan of campaign formed and although it was far from perfect, it would have to do.

I waited for about ten minutes and then heard the soft footfall of the matron come back towards me. She opened the door and came quietly in. I pretended to be asleep when she came over. I nearly jumped when she softly moved some hair off my face and then went off again. Despite outward appearances, Matron was a bit of a sweetie and she would be perfect if she didn’t keep saying ‘pop’ like that!

I waited for about half an hour, not daring to move and then I quietly got up and went to the small office that took up the corner of the Sanatorium. On the desk was some notepaper and pen.

I quickly wrote a note for Matron.

Matron,

I’m feeling much better, so I have gone back to my bed as I miss my chums.

Thank you for my pill and everything.

Lucinda.

I left the note on the bedside cabinet by the bed and left the San as quietly as possible. I made my way back to towards the kitchen and opened the cupboard and retrieved my ill-gotten gains. Then I went back up the corridors and along to the office of Miss Dawes. I thanked my lucky stars for a good memory and the fact that I borrowed the information and map of the school. Opening Miss Dawes’ office, I immediately found the note and pocketed it. Then I made my way upstairs to the dorm that was supposed to be mine.

By the side of the dormitory door was a notice board with lots of information pinned on it. I saw ‘my’ note and took it off, pocketing it and then moving swiftly and quietly away and up the staircase. In seconds I was at my room and I opened the door and let myself in by torchlight.

I nearly jumped out of my skin because there, sitting on the bed, reading by torchlight and sucking some of my chocolate, was Alicia. She looked up and grinned.

‘You took your time,’ she said.

‘Alicia, how–who–what are you doing here?’

‘Jump into bed, it’s jolly cold up here, I don’t know how you can stand it.’

I took off my dressing gown and joined her and she jumped as my cold foot touched her leg.

‘Ooh, your feet are icy!’

‘That’s how you were last night,’ I said smugly. I was very pleased to see her though. ‘Anyway how come you’re here?’

‘We said we would meet up and this seemed like a good time. I was let out this evening as I was deemed to be in a fit state of mind, whatever that is and then I remembered that you were going to come and see me. I came up here a while back because I didn’t want you to have a wasted journey, but I must have just missed you coz the bed was still warm. Anyway I jumped into bed and was waiting for you. You took an age so I just had a read and some of your delish choccy.’

‘Won’t you get into trouble?’

‘No, the girls in my dorm sleep like little logs and anyway, they all know that I like to go walkies at night.’

‘What about your head of dorm or whatever they call her?’

‘Milicent? She’s a drip and sleeps heavier than the rest of them put together. You could have a pop concert in there and she wouldn’t wake up. So what happened to you then?’

As we lay there, I told her all that had happened to me that eventful night.

‘Cor,’ she said as I finished my sorry tale, ‘you do get about, don’t you? I can understand why you couldn’t stay in the san. Awkward questions and all that, but you were jolly clever to cover your tracks though.’

‘Maybe,’ I said.

We lay there for a few moments in companionable silence.

‘It can’t go on though,’ Alicia said, after a while.

‘What d’you mean?’ I asked, taking a bite of Cadbury’s finest milk chocolate.

‘You’ll get caught, even if Matron doesn’t investigate. You’ve come very close more than once. Soon your luck’s going to run out.’

I sighed.

‘I know, but what else can I do?’

‘Give yourself up and hope for the best?’

I looked at her in the faint light of our torches and thought for a moment.

‘At my old school was a boy, Daniel was his name. His mum couldn’t look after him so he was put into care. He was bullied there and hated it. He came to school with bruises on his back but wouldn’t say who did it. Eventually he was pushed down some stairs by one of the boys at the home and he broke his leg. The other boy was sent to borstal, and Daniel moved out of the area. I don’t want to live in a place like that.’

‘It might be better now,’ said Alicia.

‘Maybe, but I’m not taking any chances. Anyway, how would the kids or even the adults treat someone like me?’

‘What do you mean?’

I said nothing for a moment and then took a deep breath.

‘I’m different, a boy who is really a girl inside. I saw the photo in the paper, I looked like a girl in a boys uniform. I don’t fit in. I suppose I never have. If I go to into care, I don’t give a fig for my chances.’

We were quiet again for a moment and then Alicia coughed.

‘I’m going to see my Aunt tomorrow and I’m allowed take a friend.’

‘Are you?’

‘Yes and I think that you should come as well.’

I sat up in bed and looked at her.

‘What?’

She looked up at me with a sort of lopsided grin on her face.

‘We need to tell her about you–the real you. She’ll know what to do.’

‘She’ll tell on me.’

‘No she won’t, she’s a brick. She’s a bit of a rebel too and likes taking up “causes” and I can see that you are someone she could get her teeth into; you could definitely be one of her good works.’

‘Teeth?’

‘Oh you know what I mean, she would help you all she can. Come on, what have you got to lose? You will be caught in no time flat and sent to the “home from hell” sooner rather than later. This way, you have a chance.’

I lay back down again, my mind going around furiously. I knew that she was right, but could I take a chance?

‘One thing,’ said Alicia after a moment, ‘she is now my guardian coz Daddy’s gone off abroad to try and patch things up with Mummy. Whether anything will come of it, I don’t know, but he might be away for some time as it appears that Mummy has disappeared.’

‘Oh I am sorry, Alicia,’

She shrugged her shoulders.

‘She’s done it before, maybe this time they will sort themselves out. In the meantime, Aunt Dulcie is in charge of me and she’ll help us both out. What do you say?’

‘I don’t know how you can think of me when you have your own problems.’

‘Never mind all that tosh, what do you think, are you game?’

I hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

‘All right, I’ll go.’

~ §~

The next morning, I was up bright and early. I was to meet Alicia at the school gate–the same one that I used to go to the funeral–at ten o’clock. I was to wear my school uniform, as that was what Alicia was to wear as per school rules. I made sure that my uniform and blouse were clean. The neck of the blouse was a bit grubby as I had worn it once before, but apart from that, I was presentable. I had my school coat on and hat, which helped hide my features a bit.

I wondered what Alicia’s Aunt Dulcie was like. Would she be nice to me and help me or more likely shop me to the authorities and get me sent to some Godforsaken children’s home where they feed kids on gruel and have them picking oakum or something.

I had to trust Alicia though. I didn’t have the stomach for much more, although if I did get sent to a home, I would just escape and maybe find another school like this one.

The timing was carefully calculated, as that was when the girls came out for break and I wouldn’t be quite so noticeable as I would be on my own. I waited by the gate and then, horror of horrors Tanya came up.

She looked at me happily.

‘Hi, Luce, not seen you around, not still upset about the funeral?’

‘No, I’m fine,’ I said looking around, waiting to be rescued by Alicia. Where was she?

‘Gosh, it’s chilly today and I have to play hockey after break. Funny that we don’t have any classes together. Wonder why that is and I haven’t seen you at meals, why is that––?’

‘–Hi, Lucinda.’

I turned and there was Alicia, dressed as I was.

‘Oh, Alicia, you know Luce then?’

‘Yes, she’s coming out with me today. Can’t stop, there’s Auntie’s car.’

There was a beep on a horn and a Rolls Royce slid almost silently up to the curb. A chauffeur got out and opened the door.

‘Bye, Tanya,’ I said, smiling as Alicia led me to the car. Then I stopped smiling as I remembered where I was going and who I was about to see.

Alicia got in and I followed. It was big car and sitting to one side was a lady about thirty to thirty-five and dressed in clothes that had never been bought at Marks & Sparks; chic was an understatement. This woman had style with a capital S.

‘Auntie Dulcie, this is my friend Lucinda and she needs your help––’

To Be Continued...

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Please leave comments…thanks! ~Sue

My thanks go to the brilliant and lovely Gabi for editing, help with the plot-lines and pulling the story into shape.