Previously…

‘Sorry, please don’t send me away. I shouldn’t have come downstairs, oh please don’t send me away!’

All my insecurity came flooding out as I once again began crying almost uncontrollably. How I didn’t spill my drink I never knew, but somehow I found myself in her arms as she tried to comfort me.

So this was what I was now? No longer the tough, resourceful person, able to face up to the world alone and without help. I was now a nervous wreck, not able to do anything without bursting into tears.

Eventually I calmed down as I heard soothing words that to this day I cannot remember. I was emotionally drained and so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open. The disturbing outpourings had released a pressure valve that had been building all day. It took a while to realise that I wasn’t in trouble and once I realised that, I became more rational.

‘Now dry your eyes and drink your milk before it gets cold. Then up to bed with you.’

Sniffing, I did as I was told and then Auntie took me back upstairs to my room and made sure that I was safely tucked up again. She then sat on the bed and talked to me in a quiet and gentle voice.

‘Lucinda, I know you’re tired, but being tired doesn’t always guarantee sleep, that is why you got up in the first place. I was going to have a chat with you tomorrow, but to put your mind at rest; I will let you know what has happened today. As Dr Hargreaves mentioned, I have spoken to the authorities and they are happy for you to stay here. The police have been informed that you have been found and are safe. I will not let you be put into any home no matter what the outcome of your medical tests. I have a few ideas as to how we can solve your problems, but need to speak to my husband when he arrives home from Cannes tomorrow. As it is, I can promise you solemnly that you will be well cared for in a loving home and not placed anywhere where you do not want to be. Also, I will do everything in my power to help you be the person you want and need to be. Do you believe me?’

‘Yes, miss,’

‘Auntie.’

‘Yes, A—Auntie,’

‘Good girl–hmm, something is missing, I won’t be a tick.’

She got up and left the room. I was wondering what was going on when almost as soon as she left, she was back, carrying something small and furry. She put it on the bed and it meowed at me–it was a kitten!

‘This is Mandy; our cat Ellie-Mae has had a litter and they are all going to good homes in the next few weeks except this one as everyone loves her too much to let her go. She is a bit adventurous and likes to find nice warm places near people. She might stay the night and she might not, but judging by the way she has made herself at home, I think you have some company for tonight. Goodnight, dear, we will talk tomorrow.’

She kissed me on the forehead. ‘Goodnight, sweet dreams. If you are worried or can’t sleep, come and see me, I am three doors up on the left.’

‘Goodnight and thank you for having me.’

With my immediate worries out of the way, and to the gentle purring sounds of the tiny cat sleeping against my tummy, I was able to sleep more peacefully than I had in a very long time.

And now the story continues…

I awoke the next morning to something wet licking my nose. Opening my eyes, there was Mandy’s face up real close, her eyes huge and she was purring loudly.

‘Morning Mandy,’ I said stretching and yawning.

Mandy looked at me for a moment and then after another yawn and stretch, she nibbled a bit on the ribbon on my nightie, got bored with that, jumped off the bed and stood by the door. Looking at the door and then at me; she gave out a pitiful meow that sounded as if she had something terrible on her mind.

It didn’t take long to work out that she wanted to go out, so I got up and padded over to the door and opened it. She nodded and then after a quick and I think maybe even a grateful glance in my direction, she scooted out of the door. After closing the door again, I padded over to the window and drew back the heavy curtains, blinking a bit in the strong sunlight.

The grounds were huge and yes, it had a lake in the distance and plenty of livestock over what appeared to be a sort of farm bit to the left. My eyes could see sheep and cows and small dots that could be anything but might be chickens — I would have to get my eyes checked out...

Then I remembered. I was waiting for the verdict about my future. His Grace or whatever he was called would be coming home from abroad today and there would be discussions about my future. I remember Auntie saying late last night that I would be safe here and I believed her. I wondered if Alicia knew about what was going on.

I had to wait for a bit though as my bladder had decided that it wanted sorting out and I went to the loo and did the necessary. I was a bit cold and realised that I should have brought my pink dressing gown with me, but that was still in my secret room in the school with everything else. Then I remembered that Alicia had lent me one of hers — white, but you can’t have everything.

That reminded me — it wasn’t my room at the school any more. I wouldn’t ever sleep there again or do some sort of midnight sortie to find goodies. It made me feel strangely sad. I had gotten used to living there and felt as if I actually belonged at the big school with daft Tanya and all the girls and the teachers and even Matron ‘popping up’ all the time. It gave me a rush to live on the edge like that, not knowing if or when I would be caught and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. But it wasn’t a proper life and I couldn’t continue the way I had been. Eventually I would have been caught and then, who knows what would have happened — borstal for stealing; who knows?

Who was I then? All this was a bit deep and heavy for a kid like me, but I always was a deep thinker. Sitting on the bed again, I thought through a few things. I was still a boy — physically that is, but underneath, I was all girl. The mere thought of putting on boy’s clothes made me feel slightly sick. Not because boy’s clothes were wrong and let’s face it, I had been wearing them all my life — no it was because of what they represented — something that simply wasn’t me.

I shivered slightly in my thin cotton nightie, it wasn’t the cold, it was the thought that all this could be taken away from me in the blink of an eye. I did go over to the door and took the dressing gown off the hook and put it on but my mind was still on other things. I was in the hands of others now and I wasn’t sure that I liked that. I was independent and had been ever since I started having to fend for myself and my mum.

There was knock on the door and I jumped slightly.

‘Come in,’ I said in a voice that sounded a bit quavery.

The door opened and Alicia bounced in wearing a dressing gown over her short nightie.

‘Hi Lucinda,’ she said as she came over, gave me a quick hug and then plonked herself down next to me. ‘This is well groovy, you being here and us not having to go to school.’

‘It wasn’t my school, though,’ I said.

‘I know that but still, no lessons and no Miss Peabody telling me to take off that lipstick. No Mole telling off and asking me to be more ladylike — as if.’

‘You shouldn’t wear lipstick in class, it says so in the handbook I erm, borrowed.’

‘Hark at Miss Prissy Lucinda...’

I wasn’t going to stand for that, so I proceeded to tickle her and one thing led to another and we started a pillow fight and were jumping all over the bed....

There was a cough from the door— an aristocratic cough.

We stopped mid swipe and looked across; it was Auntie Dulcie— who else!

‘I see that you enjoy cleaning, girls. You will get dressed, have breakfast and after that you will come up and clean the room. I don’t know; put too airheads together like you two and all hell breaks loose. Alicia, you should know better, but I give up on you and Lucinda, I am not sure whether I ought to forgive you because of all the problems you have had or put you on bread and water for a week.’

My face must have dropped at that as her features softened somewhat as she continued.

‘I suppose I should make allowances. Alicia is bad company and not a good example of how a well brought up gel should behave.’

‘Auntie, that’s not fair...’

‘Quiet you poor excuse for a girl. Maybe I should get your father to send you to a school for delinquents.’

‘Delinquent, me? I’m from a broken home and I have issues.’

‘Alicia, you have been reading The Daily Sketch again; I keep telling you that you are not from what you call a broken home. Your parents’ relationship is, shall we say, difficult, but they will, I am sure, get their act together again and things will be back to normal— you know how sickeningly lovey—dovey they can be after one of their spats. Now, you two, get dressed and I mean properly dressed, no jeans in this house, and then go and have your breakfast and then clean up this mess.

‘But Auntie, I promised that Luce could go and see Tinkerbell this morning.’

‘Tinkerbell can wait. I have a good mind to refuse you permission to see her today...’

‘Ooh Auntie...’

‘Don’t, “ooh auntie me”, young lady, now get cracking you two!’

We cracked.

I borrowed a nice pink dress from Alicia — did I tell you that I love pink. It went down to mid thigh and it was Hot with a capital H. Well I thought so, but it wasn’t as short as the dresses Twiggy wears but she’s so thin and stick insect like; but let’s face facts here, apart from her fantastic good looks, she would look great in a bin liner. Not that I’m jealous — well I am, but I have to be satisfied with what I have, not what I want to have or be, if you know what I mean. I was burbling, I knew I was, but that was how I felt at the time, all nervous and apprehensive about what the day would bring and concentrating on my dress rather than on what was really worrying me — the Duke.

Before we went down, Alicia put a bit of war paint on me. Light foundation, blusher, eye shadow and mascara and some red lipstick. Then she back combed my hair and gave me a fringe somehow and then...

Looking at myself in the mirror I said a silent, ‘wow.’

I looked pretty. Not drop dead lovely, I was too young for that. But it gave me an idea as to what I would look like when I was a bit older. That’s what makeup does; make you look older and more sophisticated.

I was very aware of my thickened eyelashes as I blinked — weird or what?

Alicia let me admire myself while she did her face. I could see, when she had finished, that she was a bit of an expert at makeup and it looked pretty flawless to my untutored eye.

‘How long have you been doing this?’ I asked.

‘Since about eight.’

‘You’re good.’

‘I know. Mummy taught me. She is truly beautiful and knows all the tricks. It’s a pity I can’t wear makeup at school, that sucks, but when I get away from the prison, I am allowed to wear a bit, not much, but enough to make me feel better.’

We went downstairs and had some breakfast in a sort of a conservatory at the back of the house overlooking an ornamental pond complete with goldfish and ducks.

Auntie wasn’t around and we were served by a manservant or whatever he was called. He was quiet and unobtrusive and glided about a bit like the butler did the previous day. I wanted to ask him how he did that, but got all shy.

Alicia chatted a lot and we talked, or rather she talked and I sucked it up like a sponge, about films like Hud and the dishy Paul Newman with his blue eyes and groups, especially The Beatles, what Paul was doing with that girl on his arm in that photo and wasn’t Ringo funny? How “this” was groovy and “that” was fab. How short should a skirt be without showing your knickers and other fashion essentials that all girls should be aware of. I think that Alicia talked about those things to see if the servant blushed, but that must be another thing they teach at the servants and butlers school, how not to blush in public.

The ham and eggs were great, as was the toast and tea and other bits and pieces we ate as we chatted. I almost forgot the fact that today was going to be a very important one for me.

Soon we had finished and went for the cleaning things. The housekeeper couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she handed us the dustpan and brushes. I wondered why she was smiling like that.

After thirty minutes of hard slog and toil, I decided that I did not want to be a domestic when I grew up — too much like hard work.

Alicia and I were much of the same size, and after we had finished cleaning up my room, we went into hers and changed for riding. I turned my back as I changed as I didn’t want her to see anything that she didn’t have and I was once again rather shy. I don’t think that she would have batted an eyelid at my puny male parts, but I didn’t want to give her the opportunity.

I felt strange in jodhpurs, long boots and a pink striped polo shirt and carrying a riding helmet as Alicia and I walked over to the stables. I had my hair in bunches and tied with pink ribbons — I know pink, get used to it! That felt funny too as I hadn’t worn my hair like that before, but I just went with the flow and followed Alicia over to Tinkerbell’s stable trying not to feel too self-conscious.

There were several girls around similarly attired as us, all with ponies. It appeared that the local pony club used the place as well as members of the family.

Alicia said hello to several girls and there was a general horsy type chat going on for a while. I only understood every third or fourth word, but it didn’t matter much as the others were talking nineteen to the dozen and seemed to accept me for who and what I was — a new girl.

Eventually I got to see Tinkerbell — she was a lovely grey colour and as gentle as a lamb as Alicia helped me up and I was able to sit astride her.

No-one laughed at me or thought that I looked silly as I was led around a paddock with Alicia holding the reins. I was nervous and I wondered at one stage if I would wet my knickers as Tinkerbell broke into a canter, but she was a gentle thing and I soon began to enjoy myself, although afterwards I had a bit of a sore bottom!

All too soon, I had to get off slightly bow-legged and I watched Alicia in another paddock jump some low fences as if she had done that sort of thing all her life— which she probably had, come to think of it!

As I watched from the other side of the fence, I was aware that someone had come up. It was a man, wearing a suit.

‘Hello there, hot isn’t it?’

‘Yes,’ I replied wondering who he was.

He was I suppose about thirty to thirty-five rather athletic looking and had a pleasant open face. He was much taller than me, I supposed six foot, give or take an inch.

He put out his hand.

‘I’m Harry Billingham, how do you do Lucinda.’

‘Harry? Oh, erm, hello Your Lordship, Grace or erm.’

My voice sounded very Minnie Mouseish as I squeaked my reply.

‘Nice to meet you; look, I’m going to change and then speak to my wife for a bit. After messing about with the ponies, would you like to come up and see us in the library, I will be up to speed by then?’

‘’Y...yes sir.’

‘Oh none of that nonsense; call me Harry or Uncle Harry, if you want.’

‘Ooo-kay, H...Uncle Harry.’

He smiled and turned away, striding across the yard and disappearing in the distance. Just then Alicia rode up, rather out of breath.

‘Luce, did you see me have that clear round —Luce, what’s up?’

I looked at her smiling glowing face.

‘I have just met your uncle.’

‘Oh, he’s back, super, I want to beat him at croquet, he’s 12-9 up and I have a nifty new shot with a bit of spin I want to try on him...why do you look worried?’

‘He wants me to see him and your aunt later.’

‘How much later?’

‘When we have finished with the ponies, he said.’

‘Well, let’s get you back on Tinks for a bit and then we will go and get you something to wear that will show dear Uncle how sweet and girlie you are.’

I looked at her and wondered what she had in mind.

Forty five minutes later, I was ready — or as ready as I would ever be. I wearing one of Alicia’s dresses by a Mary Quant — I had never heard of her but she was evidently “with it” and “in” according to an enthusiastic Alicia. I was wearing a black & white check sleeveless dress and white tights. It was rather short, the dress I mean, but dresses and skirts were getting that way now that we were in the swinging sixties — or so it said in the glossy magazines.

My hair had been brushed straight. Although not long, my hair looked nice and feminine with, after a bit of snipping here and there, the fringe just above my eyes and the sides and back, just flicking in and touching my shoulders. I hadn’t realised just how much it had grown and it had now, according to the expert Alicia, given me more options whatever that meant.

Anyway, I was wearing a nice dress and I had on some shiny black shoes. My hair was right and my makeup had been touched up and I smelt nice as I had been spritzed with Topaz by Avon. As a finishing touch, my finger and toe nails were bright red, to match my lips. No way did I feel like a boy. In this outfit I was all girl and I loved it. I would be enjoying myself if it wasn’t for the fact that I had to sort out my future. I had visions of being laughed at and then carted off to the boy’s home by a sneering Percy Pointer. I know that I had been promised things, but promises don’t mean a thing— actions do.

I thought that the dress was a bit short and tried to pull the hem down, but it didn’t help and I hoped against hope that my knickers would not show under the rather thin tights. Then I wondered if my flat chest would be held against me — oh you know what I mean! Alicia had budding breasts and I had nothing to speak of.

I licked my slippery red lips as I made my way to the library and after nodding to the butler who had somehow appeared out of the woodwork, he opened the door and motioned me in. My heart was banging like a big base drum as I walked in, my low heels clicking on the marble floor and my nearly bare knees trembling like jelly.

‘Ah there you are,’ said Auntie Dulcie as she got up from a sofa and walked over to me, looking cool and sophisticated in a pale cream dress. Uncle Harry was on the phone and looking out of the window.

‘Hmm,’ said Auntie, as she gave me the once over. ‘Not bad, too much makeup, but that’s Alicia for you. At your age and with your skin, a light touch is better and I don’t really approve of mascara for young girls. You have lovely lashes dear, why hide them?

‘Sorry,’ I said looking down at the floor, my hair curtaining my face, feeling all self-conscious.

‘Don’t apologise dear, look at me.’

I looked up at her lovely face as she pulled my hair away from my face.

‘Never apologise for what you are; be proud and hold your head up.’

Just then I heard a tinkle as Uncle Harry put the phone down.

He turned my way and I could see the surprise in his eyes. Last time he saw me, I was in riding gear and I maybe I was shocking him, the way I looked now, I mean.

I wanted the earth to swallow me up. He was going to laugh or shout at me or worse throw me out on my ear...

Auntie had her hand on my shoulder.

‘Well Harry, what do you think of young Lucinda here?’

To Be Continued...

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Please leave comments…thanks! ~Sue

Forgive my errors and spelling mistakes. I do try, in fact my friends say that I'm very trying!