Previously…

‘...this brings us again to the future. Would you like to go back to St Helens as a pupil?’

I thought about that happy place, the girls, laughter, fun and games and the community of
the school itself. It may not be the Chalet School, but it was the next best thing to me.

I nodded.

‘Would they accept me? They know about my past.’

I have spoken to Miss Molestrangler at length. She understands and is sympathetic.’

‘What about my erm, boy bits?’

‘She has another pupil there at the moment in a similar state to yourself and she feels that it won’t be a problem. She has intimated that she would need to see you first though. We have an appointment tomorrow morning.

‘Tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Morning?’

‘Yes.’

‘What will I wear?’ I asked in alarm.

‘Spoken like a true girl!’

And now the story continues…

I awoke the next morning to a loud purring coming from a furry ball next to my face. I opened my eyes and smiled.

‘Morning Mandy.’ I said.

The kitten opened her eyes and the purr, if anything became louder as she got up, stretched, licked my nose and then disappeared in a flash. I wondered sleepily how she had managed to get into my bedroom, but had heard that some cats could appear to walk through walls, so I wasn’t too surprised at seeing her.

Then I suddenly remembered what was happening today and my cosy warm feeling left me in an instant. I was going to see The Mole!

It all came rushing back. Memories came flooding onto my mind and woke me more than a wet flannel on the face ever could. Yesterday I had been to the police station and I was a gnat’s whisker away from being put away in some horrid borstal, or so it seemed at the time. It was only the kindness of Mr Goldstein and the support of Mummy and Daddy...I smiled at that thought...that had helped me through the horrid time.

Now I was to be here more or less permanently and as long as I kept my nose clean (i.e. not pinch the silver and other less than law abiding stuff) I would be adopted and then I would be part of a loving family. Not that I would ever steal again. It was a mugs game and the only real loser would be me. I felt so guilty about it all now and I was determined to help Mr Goldstein as much as I could even if it meant getting yucky dirt under my finger nails. I would have to wear old type clothes if I was going to do things to his garden. I wonder if I could borrow some Marigold rubber gloves from cook?

I smiled again, thinking about what Mummy had said to me yesterday about being part of her family.

Family...

That made me think about my mum and dad and how I missed them. Alright, we weren’t perfect and Dad was no angel at the best of times, but we all loved each other and it was a shame that they were both now dead. I dearly hoped that they were looking down on me and smiling at my good fortune.

I looked at my pretty watch on the bedside table. It was 7.30; I would have to get a move on!

When I walked into the breakfast room forty minutes later, I was greeted by smiles all around. Alicia was wearing her St Helen’s uniform as she was to return to school today. Auntie...I mean Mummy (warm gooey feeling at the name) was attacking some dead kippers on her plate. Daddy was evidently in his office doing officey things. He had a directors meeting in the city and would go on to it after our dreaded meeting with Amelia Molestrangler at 9.30.

For my part, I was wearing a white silk blouse, grey knee length skirt and white ankle socks together with shiny black shoes with buckles. These were the closest thing I had to school type clothes and looked similar to the school uniform for girls at my old, hated school.

I did wonder, when we went on the clothes shopping spree the other day, why Mummy decided to buy me these clothes, but now I knew why. I had a feeling that it was all a bit planned. Maybe she had decided very quickly that she wanted me to go to St Helens if possible and would need some ‘suitable’ clothes for the inevitable interview. Old people can sometimes be a bit devious.

‘You look nice Lucinda.’

‘Thank you Aun...I mean Mummy.’

Alicia was just mid slurp with her milky porridge and nearly choked at my words.

‘Mummy! Wow, when did that happen?’ she asked as she wiped some stray milk off her lapel.

‘Do stop making a mess Alicia.’

‘Auntieeee, what do you expect? When a girl hears things like that mid gulp, accidents are bound to happen.’

‘Don’t be a drip, Alicia.’

‘But Auntie,’

She sighed and then turned to me.

‘Well, what’s the gen?’

‘Gen?’

‘Yes gen. What happened? Why are you now daughter to the wicked witch. Did you put something in her drinking chocolate?’

‘Alicia, do you want your bottom smacked,’ said Mummy while I smirked behind a napkin, imagining all sorts.

‘That’s cruelty that is. Will someone please tell me what is going on?’

‘It has been decided that Lucinda will be staying with us permanently, subject to the agreement of the authorities and the cutting of red tape. She will hopefully be adopted when it can be arranged.’

‘Blimey!’

‘Alicia, you know that I disapprove of the use of profanity.’

‘Yea, whatever,’

Mummy sighed and I just giggled. That set the others off and we were soon all laughing our heads off!

‘So,’ said Alicia once we had all calmed down, ‘that makes us sort of cousins.’

‘Mmm, I think so, when it all becomes official.’

‘Wow.’

‘Wow,’ I agreed.

I had been very quiet on the journey for obvious reasons, just listening to the others. Daddy had rejoined us after making a few phone calls and I was glad that he was with me, thinking that there would be safety in numbers. I could always hide behind him.

‘I hope that The Mole doesn’t play up rough,’ said Alicia, ‘she can be a bit of a brute sometimes,’

‘Only when you are naughty,’ said Daddy.

‘Naughty–me?’

‘Yes you.’

I squirmed a bit at the thought of my coming ordeal. Mind you I was a bit squirmy anyway as I was wearing what was known as a training bra with padding, borrowed from Alicia. I didn’t need a bra, but Alicia said that it was essential to ‘fit in’. I mentioned to her that I didn’t have any breasts to speak of, well not girlie type ones anyway, but Alicia dismissed my concerns.

‘Well I haven’t got much up top and neither have most of the other girls of our age, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t all try to look more developed.’

Mummy had frowned a bit when she saw what I was wearing.

‘You look a bit uncomfortable there Luc.’

‘The straps are biting in a bit.’ I said as I did a bit of a wriggle.

‘Mmm, we are going to have to go shopping again, I didn’t think about bras last time. Mind you, in my day girls only wore a bra when they needed to and then they were functional rather than pretty.’

‘That was in Queen Victoria’s time wasn’t it?’ asked Alicia a little too innocently.

Daddy laughed, I giggled and Mummy frowned.

‘So you don’t want to go shopping with us at the weekend then?’

‘Sorry Auntie,’ replied Alicia with a look bordering on panic.

We all laughed.

All too soon, Alfred, the cool efficient but nice chauffeur drove the Rolls Royce through the tall wrought iron gates and the car whispered up the long wide drive of St Helens School.

There were several girls milling about and over to the left, the playing fields were already in use as girls ran up and down a pitch with lethal weapons in the shape of hockey sticks in their hands.

As we walked to the main entrance, I was kind of reluctant to go in. The last time I was here, I pretended to be a school girl and had lived up in the attic rooms, only coming down when it was safe to do so. I marvelled at the fact that I was never caught out. Well Matron did catch me, but I managed to get out of that one by the skin of my teeth.

My coming interview with The Mole made me feel almost physically sick. I might have felt a bit of a nana at other times because I was gripping Mummy’s hand rather tightly, girls my age just don’t do that normally–well I think they didn’t anyway–I lacked experience in that department.

I was reassured by her presence and that of my brand spanking new Daddy, who looked tall, strong, handsome and very self assured.

It seemed incredible to me that in a few short days I had been as low as anyone could be, all alone and no one to care for me and now I had a readymade family and I was, hopefully going to come to St Helen’s as a bona fide–if that’s the word–school girl.

‘See you later,’ called Alicia. She had classes to go to. She didn’t seem too concerned about my chances and just said ‘Break a leg,’ and gave me swift hug then rushed off in the general direction of the classroom end of the school.

We walked up the steps and then I was barged into...

I just about kept my balance.

‘Ooh, so sorry, I didn’t see you and I’m late for hock...oh hello Lucinda.’

I groaned inwardly. Of all the people I didn’t want to see, it just had to be busybody, nice-but-dim Tanya.

‘Gosh, I was looking for you yesterday. Where have you been?’

‘Erm, I have to go to see the headmistress with my erm, parents.’

It sounded lame, but at least it was the truth.

‘Gosh, not in trouble, are you?’

‘N...no, look I’ll see you later maybe.’

‘Okey-dokey–Lord, I’m going to be in hot water soon; Miss Cathcart can be beastly when you are late. See you later.’

With that, she rushed off to the playing fields. At least I didn’t have to give her some long drawn out account regarding what was happening.

‘Strange girl,’ said Daddy.

‘No stranger than Alicia,’ remarked Mummy.

‘True.’

‘I think her heart is in the right place,’ I said as we carried on in.

We were inside now. In a few minutes we were outside the office. Oh how I remembered my midnight travels that included this office and the headmistress’s one. It was dark then and the place was empty. It wasn’t now and as Mummy opened the door, I could see several ladies sitting at desks righting things or typing letters. One lady was on the phone and another one had just opened the squeaky drawer that I had opened on that fateful night. They still hadn’t oiled the drawer and it made an awful racket. The lady looked up as we went in and she just put a file in the drawer, screeched it closed and then walked over to us. Daddy took charge.

‘Hello Nora, Miss Molestrangler is expecting us.’

‘Of course, Your Grace. I won’t keep you a moment.’

She went to the back of the office and knocked on the The Moles door.

I heard a muffled ‘come in and Nora went in. A few moments later she ushered us into the presence of The Headmistress of St Helen’s–Miss Amelia Molestrangler (M.A Oxon).

She stood up as we walked in and after a few pleasantries between the adults we all drew up chairs as she sat behind her desk and riffled through a few papers. I remembered doing the exact same thing in that chair a few nights ago–talk about weird!

She was about forty to forty-five I would say and she looked quite pretty in a pink blouse with a thin double string of pearls around her neck. Her fine brown hair was shortish and in a bob. Altogether she looked cool and efficient. She terrified me. What would she say about me? I was determined not to cry...

I looked at Mummy and she smiled reassuringly. Daddy was sitting close to me and I felt his hand touch my arm. I looked at him and he winked!

‘Right, sorry about that; had to sort out some bumf. Now, Lucinda, what are we going to do with you?’

It was then that my mouth started talking without the benefit of any input from my brain.

‘Oh, I am so sorry I did it. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble and I will pay for any loss or damage. It’s just when I first saw the school. I thought that I could hide out for a few days and then I got hungry and I had to have some food and then I had to pretend to be one of the pupils and I had to borrow some clothes. It all got a bit much and I started to hate what I was doing and then I met Alicia and she made me see that it couldn’t go on and then...’

I cried. I just couldn’t go on. I had been determined not to cry. I wanted–no needed to be strong and not some weak, lily livered girl and now it had all gone wrong. I was a weak lily livered girl after all. Mummy was hugging me and a lot of fuss and bother ensued. It all ended with a glass of orange squash and a Royal Scot biscuit as the adults chatted about me as if I wasn’t there. I didn’t pay much attention to what was said, I was still too caught up in my misery. I didn’t realise at that time that I was still suffering from the after effects of all that had happened to me.

Eventually I calmed down and I started paying more attention to what the others were saying. Mummy was talking...

‘...of course she realises that she needs to change her ways. She is a good girl and I think that she has learnt that you cannot just keep taking things, no matter what circumstances arise.’

Miss Molestrangler nodded and then turned to me.

‘Feeling a bit better dear?’

‘Yes Miss.’ I sniffed.

‘Good. Now I think it might be a good idea if I talk with Lucinda on her own. Would you mind stepping outside for a few minutes? I am sure that Nora can rustle up some tea and biscuits for you.’

I felt a slight panic when Mummy and Daddy, after reassuring smiles went outside and closed the door quietly behind them leaving me to the tender mercies of The Mole.

She looked at me for a long moment, a slight quizzical smile playing on her lips. I couldn’t tell if she was pleased to see me or whether I was the equivalent to an unwanted wart on her nose.

I was wringing a rather damp lace hanky in my hand as I wondered what she was going to say.

I jumped slightly as she started to speak. I think that my nerves were completely shot at that point.

‘Well Lucinda, you have led us a merry dance haven’t you?’

‘Sorry, I...’

‘Never mind that; it’s in the past and I like a girl with a bit of backbone–although if you do anything like that again, I will not be so tolerant. Now, tell me why you feel that you have a place in this school?’

I looked down at my skirt and removed a loose thread as I considered her question.

‘I...I think that the girls here have a good time and the ones that I have met are nice and the teachers or erm you aren’t the same as the ones in my old school.’

‘Why do you say that?’

I looked up and could see her eyes boring into me.

‘W...well, at my old school, bullies were allowed to get away with what they liked and it was the bullied kids that always came of worst.’

‘And were you bullied?’

‘Yes. I tried to do my best in disruptive classes but as soon as I started showing some intelligence, I was jumped on by the thugs. Being small for my age didn’t help. I did not have the muscles to fight even if I wanted to–which I didn’t anyway. The teachers, especially the Head seemed to always side with the bullies. Kids like me had no chance.’

‘What is your favourite subject?’

‘English Lit. I love reading and getting inside the head of the author. I can forget my own troubles and pretend that I am someone else in another place.’

‘Do you still feel the same–I mean do you wish that you were now in another place?’

‘Not any more. I have a family and I am pretty sure that they love me, in spite of the things that I’ve done. I think it’s like coming out of a bad dream and finding that things are much nicer now.’

‘And what about Brian?’

‘Brian?’

‘Yes, is he there inside you still?’

‘Yes and no. I can’t forget my past, but it all seems almost like I was acting in a play. Brian was a character and this is the real me.’

‘So you feel, even after such a short time dressed as a girl that you are now in fact a girl?’

‘Sort of, I mean that it isn’t like I magically changed as soon as I pulled on some knickers. It’s like I have always felt different somehow and it was only when I started wearing the clothes that I realised that this is the real me. The jigsaw puzzle in my head was finished and I felt whole for the first time. I don’t know if that makes sense Miss.’

She nodded and then stood up. Going over to the window, she stared out at the girls play in the fields a couple of hundred yards away. The window was open and a girl passed by.

‘Dawn,’ called the Head.

The girl stopped and Miss Molestrangler said something to her and then ran off in the direction of the hockey fields. The Head turned back to me and then sat down behind her desk.

‘Well Lucinda, you look like as girl and sound like a girl, have the mannerisms of a girl–well some of them, you must keep your knees together dear and wiping your nose with your cardigan sleeve is not what we expect from girls at this school...’

‘So you mean, sorry to interrupt, that I can come here?’

‘Let’s call in your foster parents.’

Mummy and Daddy came in and we all sat down again. Mummy held my hand and Daddy looked more serious than normal.

‘Well, Lucinda and I have had a little chat and I am pleased to say that I think that she will fit in here without too many problems. She will have to do a few tests to establish her level of intelligence. I am hoping that she can be in the same classes as Alicia, she seems to have a positive influence on the girl.’

‘What about her, um, unique status?’ asked Daddy.

‘I assume that she will be seeing doctors?’

‘Yes, we are arranging appointments in the next few days.’

‘Good. Well as to her being physically a male, that might have caused problems last year, but we have individual changing rooms available and the toilets and bathrooms are no longer communal. Of course in our day it didn’t matter, but now I think that some parents are sending their children to some sort of glorified hotel... Well enough of that–I do sometimes get on my hobbyhorse. As far as you are concerned, Lucinda’s gender situation will be kept secret and only those whom I deem to be in the loop will be told, like her house mistress, the matron and my deputies. There is one other person I want to tell, with your permission. As you know, we have had a few unique children like Lucinda here at the school and in fact we have one girl at the moment. I think that it would of advantage to both children to know one another and at least have one confidante at the school. Do you agree?’

Mummy and Daddy looked at each other and did one of those raised eyebrow wiggling things that parent think that children don’t know about but we all do. One day I would crack the code...

‘We have no objection,’ said Mummy, ‘Luce, how do you feel about it?’

The thought of having someone else in the same boat as me and willing to share things with sounded rather nice. I know that I had Alicia and I loved her to bits, but she hadn’t gone through what I had and as such, I thought that it would be nice to share things with another ex-boy or whatever we are called.

‘That would be lovely.’ I said enthusiastically.

‘Good,’ said The Mole, standing up, ‘I have asked for her to come and see you. She should be outside by now. I won’t be a moment.’

She went over to the door and went out. She was gone for rather longer than a moment and I stared at the fire place remembering the cheerful fire that was lit the last time I came and then at the sofa where I had hidden behind when I was trapped in the room, that fateful night. I wondered if the girl was nice and I hoped that we could be friends. I also speculated about what she might have gone through before becoming a girl, well outwardly anyway as I believed strongly that the person inside was what mattered really.

The door opened and Miss Molestrangler came in followed by a girl in hockey kit.

‘Blimey!’ I said, my jaw dropping and landing on the floor with a thud.

‘Lucinda don’t swear,’ said Mummy and Daddy in perfect unison.

In came, with an ear to ear grin, nice-but-maybe-not-so- dim Tanya!

‘I just knew that there was something funny about you!’ she said laughing and coming over. She gave me a big hug and I wondered not for the first time what I had let myself in for.

‘We are going to have so much fun!’

To Be Continued...

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Please leave comments…thanks! ~Sue

Forgive my errors and spelling mistakes. I do try, in fact my friends say that I'm very trying!