Or actually, I perused several stories on Amazon as I was looking for something new which might peak my interest. In the course of doing this, I came across multiple stories about cuckolding and forced feminization, both of which hold little interest for me.
But they did make me think about my own life and relationships as the evening wore on - mostly about my relationship with my spouse.
My son sent this to me this evening. I was hesitant to post this, but as it made me smile and even laugh a little on a really bad day I thought I would share it with others.
To those who might not agree with the political sentiment, I hope that you can at least see the humor in it.
It seems like every day I wake up and look outside the sky is grey and rain is falling. I remember when I used to love to walk in the rain, back when my life was simpler. It was a good way to be alone - no one bothered me and no one could see my tears.
Now I can't even cry in the shower without someone saying something.....
I have been fighting depression for weeks now - just the usual things, still not settled on a new job (the problem with being senior management is that finding an appropriate position takes time - especially as this is the first time I have interviewed since transitioning), and of course there is the never ending issues with family. I'm not saying that my spouse and children are not supportive - they have in fact been very supportive this past year, but life for them has been impacted by my transition. And of course, what hurts them hurts me - deeply.
Sometime last evening, I read a new chapter of A Longer War by Cyclist.
This has proven to be one of my favorite stories, and many of the chapters have had a serious impact on me - especially the early ones. As the story progressed, it continued to stir my emotions and sentiments - although for different reasons. But this latest chapter, lake many of the early ones, has stricken a particular chord within me.
My son's fiancé sent me a text earlier today, which although not unheard of is at least unusual enough to catch my eye.
She sent me a short note that said, "Just want you to know that you inspire me. Love you!"
I cried when I read it, and I am crying now as I type this.
She reminded me of something. Today is Transgender Day of Visibility, and although most of us just want to live our lives quietly and peacefully, attracting as little attention as possible, please help those you can to understand who you are - who we are.
I'm trying to find a story which I read some time ago. I believe it was titled My Father's Working Vacation, or something along those lines. I have not been able to find it for some time and was looking forward to reading it once again.
For those in the United States, don't forget to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight. At 2:00 AM most of us go on Daylight Savings Time - unless of course you live in one of the odd (not a slur, just different from the majority) areas that does not make the change.
So remember, at 2:00 AM it's really 3:00 AM - for those of us who can't sleep, we get to spend one less hour staring at the ceiling over the bed, listening to soft music, and praying that our demons remain at rest for one more night.
I am somewhat saddened this morning to realize that censorship has reared it's ugly head here.
I posted a blog late last night regarding the most recent reversal made by the Trump administration, and commented about a posting I had found on the LinkedIn site - a comment which was not only anti-TG, but ignorant and hurtful.
After dinner this evening, I sat with my oldest son and watched the end of the movie Platoon. One of the final lines of the movie that Charlie Sheen gives through a voice over as he is medivac'd out has always stuck with me. "Those of us that did make it have an obligation to rebuild - to try and find some goodness out of what we survived."
That could be applied to most of us in one way or another. We are all survivors in our own way, and we all have an obligation to make the world better - not just for ourselves, but for our children and for those who will follow after us.
Due to several members of my spouse's family creeping around the internet and trying to find things to use against me, including anything I have posted on this website, I asked for my posts to be un-published. I have also changed my name in order to hopefully put a firebreak in any trail they have been following.
Some time back I was outed by one of my nephews, a particularly nasty and unthinking individual whose actions have unfortunately caused me multiple issues, not to mention the total polarization of my ex-wife's family. My ex-wife was the only person outside of my therapist and my friends here who actually new that I was transitioning - my plan being to address this with my sons in the spring of 2014. My three sons, who at the time my nephew decided to tell the world were aged 17, 22, and 25, unfortunately found out in a less than optimal fashion.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
