“Ugh, this SUCKS,” Suri overdramatically moans as she types away at her computer. “If I have to fill out one more UCAS form I think my wrists are going to seize up!”

“Could be worse,” I muse. “Imagine having to handwrite all of this…”

“I’d rather not, thanks,” Suri snorts. “Still got half a textbook to read for the next exam. Who knew acting involved so much, well, homework?”

“It’s college, which is an extension of school,” I retort with a snort. “Of course there’ll be homework. At least we’ll get to actually act in a play AFTER all our exams are done. I would NOT want to combine exam stress with stage fright.”

“Both are bad enough by themselves,” Suri says, and while I nod in agreement, in truth, I’m grateful for the distraction provided by homework, or by university application forms, or even stage fright and exam stress. Anything to distract me from the letter my counsellor has told me to write to Robert.

In the last three months since I started writing the letter, I’ve got nowhere with it. Well- that’s not strictly true. I’ve written plenty of things, I’ve just immediately deleted them afterwards because I hated what I wrote. Even ‘Dear Robert’ makes me uneasy- there’s no way I would ever call him ‘father’, but there’s literally no part of me that considers him ‘dear’ either. Logically, I know I can write whatever I want as I’ve not yet decided whether or not I’m ever going to let him read this letter, but I want this to be perfect, to fully convey my true feelings toward him. I want to get the message across to let him know just how badly he’s hurt me, and just how much I am triumphing despite his actions. Or at least, would be triumphing, if my brain wasn’t going numb from filling in university application forms.

“Okay, and… sent,” I say as press the ‘return’ key on my keyboard. “That’s all of London done, anyway.”

“Still not looking at any unis further afield, then?” Suri asks with a sad smile- it’s clear that even after four months AND her coming back home over Christmas, she still misses the over 250 miles away Priya.

“Ah- no,” I reply. “For one thing, London’s where all the work is, and I don’t want to get TOO crippled with student debt after I graduate. And… heh. I’d miss everyone too much, heh.”

“Same,” Suri sighs. “And, like, Heavenly Talent have found me a LOT of modelling work lately, especially with swimwear companies finalising their designs for this coming summer. It’s like there are no other petite women of colour models in London- not that I’m complaining, of course!”

“Nope!” I giggle. “Especially as you’ve got, like, thirty new bikinis this year alone, and it’s still only the middle of February!” I grin as I tease my friend, though the mention of ‘middle of February’ does make me feel sad inside. Today is Thursday, the 13th of February, which means that not only is tomorrow Friday, but it’s also the most romantic night of the year- and I have no one to share it with.

It’s not like I’ve been seriously looking, of course- after the whole debacle with Paul last summer, I’ve sort-of de-prioritised boys, and with my college (and agency) workload getting ever bigger, I barely have any free time anymore. However, this hasn’t stopped me from feeling lonely, especially over Christmas and new Year, and particularly with tomorrow looming. Of course, there are literally dozens of cute guys studying at the same college as me who I could ask out at any point, but the simple fact is that even though they all know about me, specifically my ‘status’, I don’t know for sure whether any boy I ask out is transphobic, openly or not, and I’ve heard far too many horror stories about trans girls who've found out the hard way. It’s exactly twelve months since I broke up with Kain, which is easily one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever made. He was sweet, funny, caring and VERY hot, and most importantly, didn’t care about my ‘anatomy’. He’d fancied me for ages before we eventually got together and wasn’t shy about it either. And I blew it.

Obviously, I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time, and if I explained myself to Kain, he may eventually understand- but that doesn’t change the fact that I hurt him a lot. Or the fact that according to his Facebook status as of the start of the year, he has a brand-new girlfriend. Meanwhile, I get to look after Lily tomorrow evening while mum and Sean have a romantic night out at a fancy restaurant.

“Okay,” Suri says as she dramatically hits the ‘enter’ key with her immaculately manicured finger. “Annnnnnnd that’s London done for me, too! Think that’ll do me as well, though I do kinda like the idea of applying to Oxford, being the only one of my siblings to actually study there or Cambridge.”

“Why not apply to both?” I ask as we grab our bags and head out of the college’s IT suite.

“You can’t,” Suri replies with a shrug. “Dunno why, it’s one of these ‘things’, like. Priya told me last year that even when you’re applying, you have to pick one or the other.”

“Weird,” I say.

“Meh, it is what it is,” Suri shrugs. “Got anything planned for tonight? Other than homework and looking at unis, anyway?”

“Literally nothing,” I reply, before sighing. “Same goes for tomorrow night and the rest of the weekend, heh.” I frown and try not to blush as Suri smiles sympathetically at me, and while I appreciate the gesture, sympathy isn't exactly what my mood needs right now.

“Seriously,” Suri says quietly. “I get the whole ‘boy detox’ thing, but if you’re THIS angsty about it-“

“I- I’m not,” I interrupt hastily. “Ugh, maybe I am… I’m not going to deny that I needed the ‘boy detox’, but- ugh. It’d be different if I was single but boys were still flinging themselves at me, you know?”

“Well, you know how I feel about that whole thing,” Suri says.

“Yes, yes,” I sigh. “’Any boy not flinging themselves at me isn’t worth my time’. Easy to say when you have boys flinging themselves at you, heh.”

“Yeah, well, most of the BOYS in this place need to get over themselves,” Suri snorts. “And not just ‘cause of, well, you know…”

“My ‘birth defect’?” I ask.

“Exactly,” Suri says, before grinning. “Especially when the rest of you is so, well, perfect!”

“D’aww, thanks!” I say, making my petite friend squirm as I give her a gentle hug, before we head out to the car park and to our respective lifts home.

“Afternoon,” Sean says as I slide onto the passenger seat of his car (I had a driving lesson yesterday so today is effectively a ‘day off’ for me). “Good day at college?”

“Meh, it was okay,” I shrug, before getting my phone out of my bag.

“Annnnnd straight to her phone, great,” Sean sighs as I roll my eyes.

“Hi dad, how was your day?” I say, earning an eye roll of my own from Sean.

“It was okay, thank you for asking,” Sean says. “I’m definitely looking forward to having tomorrow off, though.” Wish I could say the same, I think to myself. “Do you have any work booked in for the weekend?”

“Oh, umm, nope,” I reply. “Was just planning on, you know, hanging out…”

“I’d make more ‘secure’ plans if I were you,” Sean cautions me. “You never know how bad this coronavirus thing could get…”

“People are making far too big a deal out of that,” I snort.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Sean retorts.

“Well, either way, there's not much to do in the middle of February anyway,” I say with a shrug. “So we’ll probably be hanging out at one of the girls’ houses.”

“Do any of these girls own their own car yet?” Sean asks, making me roll my eyes.

“No, dad, same as the last five weekends you asked,” I reply. “Though they all live in walking distance, so I won’t need a lift, thanks.”

“Wasn’t offering one,” Sean retorts, earning another eyeroll from me as we pull into my old high school and my stepsister climbs onto the back seat of the car, barely grunting a ‘hi’ before engrossing herself in her own phone.

“…Teenagers,” Sean sighs as we head back home.

When we arrive, Lily wastes no time in racing up to her bedroom to get changed out of her uniform, while I ease my feet out of my ankle boots and flop down onto the sofa- though I know I’m only going to get a few seconds of relaxation before...

“Oh, that’s right, you just park your backside while we get dinner ready,” mum snorts. “It’s not like me or your father were at work today or anything…”

“It was a long day at college, I’m tired,” I retort.

“Were you doing any onstage rehearsals today?” Mum asks. “Or your dance club?”

“…No,” I sigh as I stand up, straighten my tights and my black miniskirt and follow mum into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. “Though for what it’s worth, anxiety about uni CAN be physically tiring.”

“I get that,” mum says softly. “No, really, I do. Though I reckon your anxiety might also be about something else?”

“Dunno what you mean,” I shrug as I get four dinner plates and sets of cutlery out of our cupboards.

“About tomorrow evening?” Mum says softly. “It might have been thirty years since I was eighteen, but I still know what it felt like to be the only girl who didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“I’m not stressed out about THAT,” I say, even though mum can clearly tell that I'm not being truthful- and can also tell that I know she knows I'm not being truthful. “Maybe- maybe if Lily had a boyfriend too, then maybe…”

“Fortunately we’ll be waiting MANY years before that happens,” mum says firmly.

“You wish…” I snort, earning a frown from my mother before she lets out a sigh of resignation.

“Well- maybe,” mum concedes. “I was going to say, ‘as long as you keep promoting single life to her, we’ll be fine’, but then I realised that- well- that wouldn’t exactly be fair on you.”

“Umm, okay,” I mumble. “Th- thanks.”

“For the most part, you ARE a good role model for Lily,” mum continues. “And she is mature for her age.”

“…So why do I have to babysit her tomorrow, then?” I ask, before rolling my eyes as the truth comes to me. “She- she’s babysitting me tomorrow, isn’t she?”

“We- we don’t like leaving you home alone,” mum says quietly. “Either of you. It’s not that we don’t trust you, it’s just- well, last year Valentine’s Day didn’t exactly end well for you, did it?”

“No,” I mumble, trying not to cry as my cheeks flush at the memory of my break-up with Kain. “Though that was more Ro-“

“That man’s fault,” mum says, refusing to give my 'sperm donor' the dignity of saying his name out loud. “I can’t argue with that. Though it was a shame you stayed separated from Kain, he was a very nice young man.”

“Mm-hmm,” I mutter. “You do realise that parental approval isn’t usually, like, a positive aspect for a boyfriend, right?”

“You do realise I’ll pass judgement on ANY boy who even looks at my little girl, right?” Mum asks.

“’Little’ girl who’s several inches taller than you and legally an adult?” I retort.

“And who’ll never stop being my little girl,” mum says, smiling proudly as I roll my eyes.

“God knows it took me long enough to START being your daughter,” I sigh.

“I knew you’d get there eventually,” mum says with a smirk.

“Even if it meant I’d be bringing boys home?” I tease as I help mum dish up our dinner.

“As long as it’s only one at a time,” mum replies with a tired snort of laughter.

“Yeah, well, I’m okay with zero at a time for now,” I say. “Really. There’s way, WAY more to life than boys. Especially when it comes to my life and- well, everything right now, heh.” And especially with this damned letter I need to write too, I think to myself as my family and I tuck into dinner.

After we’ve finished eating, I head up to my bedroom- ostensibly to do homework and look at more universities, but it takes me no time at all to get drawn into the regular group chat on Facebook- though my eyes roll when I read the first message that pops onto my screen.

‘Too much kissing!!!!!!!’ Nicole types, followed by several ‘angry’ emojis. ‘Save that for tomorrow, you two!’

‘Don’t need to ask which two of us you’re talking about do I?’ I ask with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Hey Laura!’ Megan types, followed by several ‘hugging’ emojis. ‘And no you don’t, Harria have started V-Day 24 hours early!’ I giggle at the message, particularly Megan’s use of our ‘couples name’ for Harriet and Mia, though mentioning tomorrow less than 15 seconds after I join the chat does make me fidget. Still, if ‘Harria’ are in the chat, it at least means there won’t be any talk of boys…

‘Though it WAS Meg’s fault,’ Nicole types, before my BFF sends a photo of herself with a big frown on her face and a pair of tights stretched over her head.

‘So I like talking about George,’ Megan types with a ‘shrugging’ emoji. ‘Not my fault I’m going out with one of very, very few boys who are actually cool. Oh wait- it IS my fault, so I’m going to be even more smug about it!’

‘Boo!’ Nicole types. ‘Well I’M going to be smug about being a sexy single lady this Valentine’s Day! Anyone else with me?’

‘If it means dressing up in a leotard and dancing to Beyonce, hell yeah!’ Ashley types with a ‘grinning’ emoji that matches the expression currently on my face.

‘Sounds good to me too!’ I type with a ‘giggling’ emoji.

‘Looks like we’re tied 3-3 then,’ Nicole types, making me frown with confusion.

‘Where are Priya and Suri?’ I ask.

‘Suri’s finishing up coursework and I think Priya’s doing something with her uni friends,’ Megan replies. ‘Tbf I should be doing coursework too or at the very least finishing off uni applications.’

‘Have you decided where your first choice is yet?’ Ashley asks.

‘Definitely University of London,’ Megan replies. ‘My grades aren’t really good enough for Oxford or Cambridge and I want to stay local anyway.’

‘Makes sense,’ I type. ‘I’m pretty much doing the same thing and I know Suri is too.’

‘Me too,’ Harriet types. ‘And I want to stay close to Mia, of course!’

‘No kissing!!!!!!’ Nicole types.

‘We don’t need to put any kisses in chat when we’re in the same bed anyway,’ Mia types with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘And yes, before you say anything, we’re both in the same bed but chatting on our own phones, god knows my brothers would have a field day with that, call it ‘the most Gen Z thing ever’ or something.’

‘Whatever,’ I type with a ‘smug’ emoji. ‘Have you decided where you want to go to uni, Mia?’

‘Haven’t decided IF I’m going yet,’ the black-haired girl replies. ‘There isn’t really anything I’d want to spend 3 years studying. I mean, it’s more school, I’d probably be bored in 3 weeks lol.’

‘Uni’s not for everyone,’ Nicole types. ‘Hence why I’m not going either! Especially when I might have a job lined up as a trainer at the gym owned by Heavenly Talent.’ Nicole’s ‘winking’ emoji makes me chuckle and roll my eyes, though I can’t help but concede that she’d be great at the job.

‘I’m not decided either,’ Ashley types. ‘Even though I’ve got 18 months to make my mind up lol.’

‘Looks like it’s 3 vs 3 again lol!’ Nicole types. ‘I’d rather be working and earning my own money anyway.’

‘Given that you want to be a fitness instructor and dance teacher,’ Mia types, ‘are you sure you don’t just love ordering people around?’ I giggle as Mia’s ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji is met by an ‘angry’ one from Nicole.

‘Someone doesn’t want a friends and family discount for the gym then,’ Nicole types, making me giggle even louder.

‘She’s fit enough as it is anyway,’ Harriet types, followed by a ‘kissing’ emoji that makes me roll my eyes and toss my tablet onto my bed, as I know all too well how the next few minutes of the chat will play out. As I do, though, I notice that Suri is actually online, despite not being in the chat, but I shrug it off and go back to typing up my coursework. However, when I eventually get bored of my coursework and return to the chat 30 minutes later, Suri is active in the chat- as is her sister.

‘I think she’s still away,’ Ashley types, and a quick scroll back through the messages reveals that she is indeed talking about me.

‘Back now,’ I type. ‘Just needed to get some coursework typed up.’ I grin at the ‘smiling’ emojis that, as always, greet my return.

‘We’ll try not to be too jealous you ditched us for homework,’ Megan types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Did I miss anything?’ I ask.

‘Only Nicole getting roasted by Ms. Fullerton for being on her phone in class,’ Harriet types with a ‘laughing’ emoji. ‘Turns out she was at the dance school the whole time as she’s helping teach the 5–9-year-olds, but was chatting to us instead of helping to set up for the next class!’

‘UGH I miss that class,’ Priya types. ‘Yes it was hard work but it was a lot of fun too, you know?’

‘100%,’ Ashley types. ‘Isn’t your dance class up in Durham as good?’

‘Not without you girls there,’ Priya types, eliciting an ‘aww’ from me in real life and ‘hugging’ emojis from the rest of the Excellent Eight. ‘The street dance class is a LOT of fun, though, and I reckon you’ll all love Lucy and Claudia when you meet them in summer.’

‘IF we meet them,’ Ashley types. ‘If this virus doesn’t spread over here.’

‘We really need to add ‘coronavirus’ to the ‘tights on head’ forfeit,’ Harriet types with an ‘angry’ emoji. ‘I’m about as sick of hearing about that as I am hearing from Boris bloody Johnson.’

‘He can be added to the forfeit as well then,’ Megan types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘We have better things to talk about and do with our time anyway.’

‘Especially tomorrow night!’ Mia types, followed by several ‘winking’ and ‘kissing’ emojis that makes me roll my eyes, especially when the notice ‘Nicole Wyatt is typing’ appears at the bottom of the screen. However, it’s not the kissing emojis that she objects to, but rather something that hits a little closer to home.

‘Yay, babysitting my brother and my sister while mum and dad enjoy a romantic night out,’ Nicole types with a ‘rolling eyes’ emoji.

‘Sabrina’s 14, does she really need THAT much babysitting?’ Ashley asks. ‘Thank god my mum and dad are staying home tomorrow as looking after 5 younger siblings would NOT have been fun.’

‘Isn’t Bryony also 14?’ I ask.

‘Not until June,’ Ashley replies. ‘But my point still counts, even at 13 you hardly need a babysitter.’

‘Please tell that to my parents,’ I say with an ‘eye rolling’ emoji. ‘Maybe I could drop Lily off at Nicole’s house, let her and Sabrina look after her brother and we can hang out at my place tomorrow night instead? We could do that Singles ladies dance Ash wanted…’

‘So tempted,’ Nicole types. ‘But my brother kinda requires a bit more looking after than other kids cause of his Asperger’s.’

‘It’s a bit unfair then to expect you to deal with,’ Megan types.

‘Meh, he likes it when I look after him for some reason,’ Nicole replies. ‘And it’s not like I’ll have to look after him forever, mum’s made it clear to me and Sabrina that we won’t be responsible for him when they’re not able to take care of him anymore.’

‘Fair enough,’ I type. ‘We’ll just have to have a girls’ night in over Facebook tomorrow night, then!’

‘Or a girly Saturday?’ Ashley asks.

‘Sounds good to me,’ I type. God knows we’ll have earned it after tomorrow, I think to myself. ‘Any of you non-single ladies interested too?’

‘Works for us,’ Mia types with a ‘heart’ emoji that her girlfriend mirrors.

‘Me too,’ Megan types. ‘Though I’m guessing it might be a bit too far for Priya to travel?’

‘Good guess,’ the university student types with a ‘sad’ emoji.

‘I’m out too,’ Suri types along with the same emoji as her sister. ‘Got plans to hang out with someone on my course.’ Needless to say, this makes me frown with confusion, especially the ‘giggling’ emoji that Suri adds to the end of her message.

‘Umm, we’re literally on the same course,’ I remind my friend.

‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ Suri types, her ‘winking’ emoji only serving to deepen my frown.

Needless to say, Suri’s cryptic message remains on my mind for the rest of the evening, even as I climb into bed still feeling more miserable about my relationship status than ever despite the chat.

I let out a groan as my phone’s alarm wakes me the following morning- even though I’m not exactly looking forward to today, it is at least Friday, and the prospect of a girly day tomorrow is enough to put a smile on my face as I head down to breakfast, where mum, Sean and Lily are already awake and dressed.

“Morning!” Mum says as I grab my cereal and coffee and sit down at the breakfast table. “You’re looking happier than I expected today?”

“Meh, it’s Friday, can’t think of a better reason to be happy than that!” I reply.

“God help you if you ever do a course or a job that you DON’T enjoy,” Sean chortles.

“Well, that is why I’m going to college AND university,” I retort. “To avoid having to do a rubbish job.”

“I thought you were going to uni to meet boys?” Lily asks, making me roll my eyes as mum and Sean chuckle at my expense.

“I can have more than one reason for doing something,” I say. “Oh, and I’m going to be out with the girls tomorrow, just so you know in advance.”

“Okay,” mum says with a shrug. “Seems fair enough as we’re keeping you in tonight, heh.”

“I still don’t know why I can’t go round to Molly’s house instead,” Lily pouts. “Her mum is literally picking us both up after ballet.”

“Because me and your stepmother probably won’t be back until after eleven,” Sean explains. “It’s not fair to ask Molly’s parents to give you a bed for the night.”

“I’ve had sleepovers with her before,” Lily mumbles. “And I’m not a little kid anymore, I AM thirteen…”

“Yes, we can tell you’re a teenager,” mum says, making me snort with laughter despite me also technically being a teenager. “And Molly’s coming over tomorrow anyway. One night in isn’t going to kill you.” Even if that night is 'the most romantic night of the year', I think to myself as I realise quickly that mum's words were meant for me as much as my sister.

“…Okay,” Lily grumbles, before finishing her toast and heading out of the kitchen.

“…Yeah, she’s still not happy about me babysitting her, is she?” I ask.

“She’ll get over it,” Sean replies with a shrug.

“And so will you,” mum says to me in a softer tone of voice, frowning as I roll my eyes. “I’m serious, Laura. And I am grateful for your help, too.”

“You’re welcome,” I mumble. “And in fairness, as it turns out, it’s not like I had anything better to do tonight anyway, heh.”

“That’s the spirit, I suppose,” Sean chuckles. “You’ve got two nights out coming up next month anyway, haven’t you? For that band you like?”

“Who, Out of Heaven?” I reply. “Yeah, they’re playing the O2 on the 27th and the 30th, I think the one on the 30th is ‘cause it’s a band member’s birthday or something.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t already on first-name terms with all of them, Miss Supermodel!” Mum teases, making me roll my eyes again, though this time I can't help but smile. “I’m even more surprised you don’t have a queue of boys from that agency you’re signed to lining up for the chance to be your boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well, chance’d be a fine thing,” I sigh. “Most of the fit boys there already have girlfriends, and most of them are over 21 anyway, so- yeah. I suppose there’s always college, heh.”

“Which you're gonna be late for if we don't get a move on,” Sean says as I hastily finish my breakfast before grabbing my coat and my ankle boots. However, despite this morning’s conversation, as we head to college it's not my single status that occupies my mind, but this damned letter I still have to write to Robert…

“Hey Laura!” Suri says with an excited squeak that I half-heartedly try to mirror as we exchange a hug on our way into the building. “Oh come on, it’s Fri-YAY!”

“Yay!” I try to reply enthusiastically, only to sigh and smile as Suri looks at me with an exasperated expression on her face. “I- ugh, I’m sorry. I’m just a bit tired today, and I’ve got to babysit tonight, and I’m still stuck on this stupid letter I have to write to Robert…”

“…And homework, and exam stress, I get it,” Suri says quietly. “Ugh, do I ever get it, heh. But you’re still up for tomorrow, right?”

“Umm, you mean for the girly Saturday you said you weren’t going to?” I ask my friend.

“Well- we’ll talk at lunchtime,” Suri says cryptically, giggling as we rendezvous with Phoebe and Rachel and head into our first class of the day.

The class takes us right up until lunch, by which point all four of us are already tired, not to mention hungry- but all still really excited for the weekend! In my friends’ case, though, it’s clear that they’re more excited about this evening than tomorrow or Sunday.

“Eee!” Phoebe squeaks excitedly as we sit down with our meals. “Tonight is going to be AWESOME! Gray’s got his house to himself tonight, so it’s going to be just me and him on the most romantic night of the year…”

“Ugh, lucky you,” Rachel sighs. “Guess who’s on babysitting duty tonight?” I smile sympathetically as Rachel raises her hand, before letting out a snort of laughter and raising my own hand as well.

“Though unlike you,” I say, “I DON’T have a romantic Saturday to look forward to afterwards, heh. But it’s okay, I’m still ‘boy detoxing’, it’s just, heh, kinda a bit stressful at this time of year, heh.”

“I bet,” Phoebe sighs sympathetically. “You’ll just have to live with being signed to Heavenly Talent, being one of the leads in the end of year play, having your pick of universities, and- oh yes- being signed to Heavenly Talent.”

“Yes, yes, okay,” I chuckle. “But you know what? There are days when I’d honestly trade all of that just to have been born a girl, I really would.”

“…Thought for a second there you were going to say ‘would trade it all for a cute guy’,” Rachel teases, making me laugh before grimacing.

“Ugh, no way!” I retort. “…Depends on how cute he was, hehe! But- yeah. I still get, you know, really ‘bad’ days when it comes to my dysphoria, and today is usually one of them, heh. But- but don’t let me bring the mood down at the table, okay? I wanna hear what you guys have planned! I could use the distraction, heh.” I subtly glance over at Suri as I say this, though she simply grins and averts her gaze.

“Well- it’s just me and Gray tonight, heh,” Phoebe chuckles. “I’m working tomorrow, so- yeah.”

“And it’s the other way round for me,” Rachel says. “Looking after my brother and sister tonight, being ‘looked after’ by Marcus all tomorrow, heh. How about you two?”

“Girly day tomorrow!” I say with an excited giggle. “I mean, I don’t know EXACTLY what the ‘girly day’ will involve, I just know that I really, REALLY need it after this week, heh!”

“Suri?” Rachel asks. “Care to shed any light on this ‘girly day’?”

“I’m sure she would if she was going to be a part of it,” I reply, grinning smugly as my friend fidgets. Maybe NOW I’ll find out why you’re being so enigmatic, I think to myself.

“Yeah…” Suri says, fidgeting awkwardly and almost looking anxious. “Curtis, he- he and his best mate are going on, like, a road trip tomorrow. Nowhere, like, miles away, just to his friend’s aunt’s house in Berkshire, ‘cause she’s, like, away in America for a few weeks and, well, yeah.”

“Umm- well, okay, have fun, I guess!” I say with as much fake enthusiasm as I can muster.

“Thanks,” Suri chuckles nervously. “Actually, you know… Curtis’s friend is probably going to get, like, lonely on this trip- I mean, like, as a third wheel, like-“

“Okay- let me stop you there,” I say with a sigh as everything suddenly becomes clear to me. “Suri, given that you want to be an actress, I saw that set-up coming, like, fifty miles away. And while I do appreciate it, I’m not interested for now.” At least that’s what I’m telling you, I think to myself. And what I’m telling myself as well… “Knowing my luck he’ll probably be a massive transphobe anyway, heh.”

“Trust me, he isn’t,” Suri says bluntly.

“Who is he, then?” I ask, purely out of curiosity.

“Will Meadows,” Suri replies, instantly causing my eyes to widen.

“Wh- what, Will Meadows from our course?” I ask, trying my hardest not to betray the fact that I have on several occasions 'noticed' the 6’ 2” guy with the amazing body and cute face… or the fact that I've also noticed that he was going out with one of the most popular girls in the college. Though with that being said, last time I checked, she wasn’t signed to Heavenly Talent… though she wasn’t transgender, either.

“Yes…” Suri says, a grin spreading across her face as my cheeks start to redden. “Apparently his aunt works in the industry as a costume designer. She’s worked on loads of shows like Downton Abbey, The Crown, even a few episodes of Doctor Who. Apparently, her house also has, like, a massive closet full of unfinished costumes, or old prototypes that never made it onto screen but she kept around anyway…”

“Well, if Laura doesn’t want to go, count me in,” Phoebe says. “Even though I already have a boyfriend, like, I’m going for the costumes, heh!”

“I thought you were at work tomorrow?” I ask.

“Have you seen the news recently? I’ll just tell them I have a cough and am feeling feverish,” Phoebe shrugs. “They’ll probably insist that I stay home for a month, heh.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Suri says. “My sister’s paranoid they’ll say she can’t return to London at the weekends in case she gets sick or something.”

“Meh, I’m sure it’ll be fine, the news is probably blowing this virus thing all out of proportion,” Rachel shrugs.

“But if they aren’t, all the more reason to fit in as much fun as we can while we can…” Suri says, smirking as I roll my eyes yet again.

“...Okay, fine, I’ll go,” I say, smirking as Suri cheers and gives me a tight hug.

“I’ll text you to let you know when we’re picking you up,” Suri says with a giggle. “Best we don’t tell the other girls about this, though. You know Ash and Nicole would be totally jealous, heh!”

“Agreed,” I say. “Heh, Allie and Diana would probably be jealous and they’ve spent the whole week wearing massive tutus in their dress rehearsals!”

“And now WE’RE getting jealous,” Rachel says with a chuckle. “But seriously though, it sounds like SO much fun.”

“According to Curtis, it definitely will be,” Suri says. “He’s been trying to get Will to show him round his aunt’s place for MONTHS.” And I suppose I’m the ‘payment’ for this favour, I think to myself. Oddly, though, I find that I don’t mind this too much. Some feminist I am...

“It’s not the most ‘traditional’ Valentine’s Day date, but I suppose it’s pretty cool,” Rachel chuckles.

“Even cooler that you have a boyfriend who’ll agree to taking you,” Phoebe muses. “It was like pulling teeth trying to get Gray to go with me to see Out of Heaven next month.”

“Which I guess isn’t a problem for two girls who can get backstage passes from their employer?” Rachel teases myself and Suri.

“Ah- no,” I chuckle. “We get, like, a staff discount, but we still have to pay, and you only get backstage if you’re actually involved in the show, so, like, photographers, backing dancers, that sort of thing.”

“VIPs…” Phoebe teases, giggling as I roll my eyes again.

“Maybe in the future,” I say with a sly grin. “Don’t worry, I won’t forget my old friends when my living room is full of BAFTAs and Emmys… And Out of Heaven VIP passes, yep!” I grin as my friends good-naturedly jeer me, but inside I can feel myself growing increasingly excited about tomorrow- and increasingly anxious too.

These feelings are only exacerbated after lunch when we head to the college’s main hall for an improv workshop, when as I enter the hall, I find myself staring straight at the VERY 'well-sculpted' body of Will Meadows, who’s chatting away with a couple of his friends- both male friends, tellingly. Maybe he and his girlfriend aren't an item anymore... I bite my lip as I weigh up my options- after all, I’m only going along tomorrow to keep him company, not as a date. I barely even know him, even after nearly 18 months together at college. And most importantly, there are bound to be girls he’s more interested in than me…

That last point, though, is quickly proven wrong as he spots me the second I walk into the hall and comes jogging over to me with a wide, nervous grin on his face. The fact that his eyes keep darting all over my body- especially my legs- suddenly makes me VERY glad I wore one of my shortest skirts to college today…

“H- hey, Laura,” Will says in an almost breathless voice.

“Hey Will,” I reply, trying my hardest not to coo or purr but to sound, well, normal.

“I- umm, I- I take it you’ve heard about the ‘setup’ too?” Will asks with a snort of laughter. “Like, tomorrow?”

“Well- yeah,” I chuckle nervously. “I mean, Suri and her boyfriend really couldn’t have been any more obvious about it, could they?”

“Well- I guess not,” Will says with an awkward, bashful chuckle as I suddenly remember one thing- it’s HIS aunt’s house we’re going to tomorrow, not Suri’s boyfriend’s, and I know Curtis well enough to know that he wouldn’t simply volunteer a friend’s house for a day of fun, and especially not a friend’s relative’s house. The only logical conclusion, then, is that this road trip tomorrow is actually Will’s idea- which means there’s a good chance that it was his idea to ask me along as well.

Of course, Will could simply have just asked me out on a date like most boys do, but in a way, this ‘deception’ actually feels, in a way, 'sweeter'. He’s one of the cutest guys in the entire college, and he’s having to run around and play games simply to ask me to go out with him. I’m no stranger to being asked out by nervous boys, of course, but there’s something extra-special about this one. Whether it’s because of how good-looking Will is, or because he’s the first boy to hit on me in months- or even simply because it’s a welcome distraction from all the stress in my life, from exams, university applications and most of all Robert. However, all of this going on in my life means that a boyfriend is the last thing I have time for right now… and there is, of course, the chance that I’ve got all of this completely backwards and he isn’t interested in me at all. However, the way he keeps glancing at my body seems to suggest otherwise- though a lot of the time, over the last six and a half years, people who examined my body only did so to see whether or not they could 'tell' about me...

“Well- anyway,” I say, trying my hardest not to fidget. “Suri’s got my number, she can text me what time you’ll be, umm, picking me up, heh.”

“Yeah,” Will whispers, biting his lip as he chuckles nervously. “I- I’ll, um, see you tomorrow, heh!”

“Yeah,” I whisper, before grimacing as I hear a familiar pair of footsteps jog over to me.

“Were you just chatting to who I think you were chatting to?” Suri asks me, and even though I can’t see her face, I know she has a smug grin plastered all over it.

“Shut up,” I grumble as we head to our seats to wait for the teacher to begin the lesson.

Needless to say, tomorrow remains on my mind all throughout the lesson, and even though Will and I thankfully don’t work with each other, I find my eyes occasionally drifting toward him throughout the lesson- and when I’m up on the stage, I occasionally catch his eyes drifting toward me…

Eventually, the bell rings to signify the end of the day- and the week- and Suri and I grab our bags and head out to the car park, though not before exchanging a glance with Will. Clearly this look is enough to make my cheeks flush, as when I approach my stepfather’s car, he regards me with a look of confusion.

“Are you feeling alright?” Sean asks as he gets out of the car and lets me into the driver’s seat.

“Umm- yeah, I’m fine, really,” I reply.

“Okay,” Sean says, clearly unconvinced. “’Cause if you’re not feeling well enough to drive, and you’d rather-“

“Honestly, I’m okay,” I interrupt. “No fever, no new continuous cough or whatever. Let’s just get this over with, okay?”

“Okay, okay, no need to bite my head off,” Sean scoffs as he gets into the passenger seat of his car. “Think we’ll just head straight home today, Lily’s going home with her friend Molly’s parents today. And before you say anything, yes, I realise the irony of her going to a friend’s in the afternoon for dinner but you having to watch her later in the evening.”

“Maybe I’ll let her stay up past 11pm,” I muse out loud.

“It’s Friday and she’s a teenager,” Sean retorts. “If you can get her in bed BY 11pm I’ll be impressed. Though I imagine that’s why your old dance teacher has the teenage lessons on a Friday evening, so everyone’s knackered enough that they go to bed early, I dunno.”

“Hmm,” I mumble as I concentrate on the road ahead.

“But anyway, I do appreciate you looking after her so we can have a night to ourselves,” Sean says. “And I hope you aren’t coming down with anything as you’ve definitely earned a day with your friends tomorrow.”

“Th- thanks,” I say, trying once again not to blush as I remember that as far as mum and Sean are concerned, I’ll be spending tomorrow with the rest of the X8- and more importantly, spending it in London…

We arrive back home a short while later, and after an early dinner, I’m left to my own devices as mum and Sean get ready for their big night out, leaving shortly after 6pm. Not long afterward, the front door opens and Lily (having let herself in with her own key) walks into the living room, and without saying a word, drops her school bag on the floor, kicks off her trainers, flops down in her usual spot on the sofa and switches on the TV.

“…Hi, maybe?” I say, earning an eye roll from the teenaged girl.

“Hi Laura,” Lily sighs.

“Good time at ballet?” I ask, frowning as my stepsister shrugs in response. “Okay, okay, I don’t like this any more than you do, but let’s, you know, try to enjoy it, okay? Tell you what. Why don’t I paint your nails, you know? Keep the old Friday tradition alive?”

“I can paint my own nails,” Lily mumbles as my frown deepens.

“Lily…” I say softly. “I mean, it’s obvious something’s wrong, but- but I’m your big sister, you know? I may tease you from time to time, but you can talk to me about anything.”

“Not this,” Lily grunts, as I bite my lip- it’s obvious what she’s talking about.

“Well- yeah,” I say as I take a deep breath. “You know… Just because I, like, don’t go through THAT, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about it. I mean, my friend Ashley helped her sister when she-“

“Oh- Jesus Christ, I didn’t mean THAT!” Lily protests, taking a deep breath as my cheeks redden. “If you REALLY must know, dad told me yesterday that he’s arranged for me to see my mother on Sunday. As in, my re- my birth mother.”

“Oh- oh,” I say, biting my lip as I consider how to proceed. The topic of her birth mother has always been a sensitive topic for Lily, and something I'm not entirely in the loop about. Mum and Sean have warned me in the past not to go prying, and I’ve definitely taken that caution to heart, but the fact remains that my sister is hurting- and I want to, no, NEED to do anything I can to help her.

And, as my sister quickly reminds me, it’s not like I don’t know anything about parental troubles…

“Ugh, Laura, I- I’m sorry,” Lily sighs. “Whining about my mum when you’ve still got your issues with your- well, sperm donor, I guess.”

“No, don’t be sorry,” I sigh. “My issues don’t mean yours are trivial. And if you want to talk, well, it’s not like I have anywhere else to be, heh.”

“Thanks,” Lily says, before taking a deep breath. “She has always, ALWAYS been a pain. For the last three Christmases and birthdays all I’ve got is a tenner in a card, but I have to call her on her birthday and listen to her tell me how much of a pain dad supposedly is. It’s like she has NO connection to reality at all. Now I’ve got to spend time with her on Sunday and listen to her whine about dad and how she has to pay child support for me and- ugh, never mind…”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” I whisper. “You know, if- I mean, I’m not doing anything on Sunday, so if you, you know, want a little, like, moral support I-“

“Actually, that- that’s not a good idea,” Lily sighs, before letting out a low moan. “You- ugh. Let’s just say that on top of everything else, my mother’s WAY transphobic.” Of course she is, I think to myself. “Actually uses that- uses you, like- as proof of why dad’s, like, unsuitable, that he lets you live under the same roof as me… ugh. Can we change the topic please?”

“Sure,” I whisper.

“I much prefer your mother to mine,” Lily mumbles.

“OUR mother,” I remind my sister, who smiles for the first time since arriving back home.

“Yeah,” Lily sighs. “And OUR father, too. Even if OUR brother is still a jerk.”

“Heh, too right,” I say with a grin as I ponder Lily’s words and how they’d fit into the letter I’m writing- something that is at least a welcome distraction from the 'Will situation'. Whatever that is, anyway...

Lily and I stay up until just after 11pm, at which point she heads to bed while I stay up in the living room, alternating between watching TV, fiddling with my phone, doing coursework and staring at my letter to Robert, willing in vain for even a single word to come. Mum and Sean arrive back shortly before midnight, which I take as my cue to go to bed, though not for the first time, thoughts of the letter keep me awake at night- though anticipation of tomorrow quickly overtakes that.

Much to my parents’ irritation, I wake up at 8am the following morning, and after a quick shower, I make myself a quick breakfast, wanting to get an early start ahead of today’s fun. The looks on mum and Sean’s faces when they enter the kitchen tells me they may have 'overindulged' last night!

“And what time do you call this?” I ask with a sickeningly sweet smile on my face as the middle-aged couple each pours themselves a cup of coffee.

“Very funny,” mum grumbles. “And why are YOU up this early on a Saturday, anyway? I thought you weren’t meeting your friends until later?”

“We spoke last night and we’re meeting up earlier,” I reply with a shrug. “Wanted to, you know, get a start on things, that’s all.”

“Okay,” mum says, her facial expression making it clear that she isn’t fully convinced by what I’m saying, but is also too tired to argue. “Do you know when you’ll be back?” That’s a good point, actually, I think to myself. Suri didn’t explicitly say this would be a ‘sleepover’ type of party, but if we’re heading out of London, it won’t be just for a brief visit.

“I dunno,” I reply. “Evening, maybe late evening.”

“Okay,” mum repeats, still not convinced by my story. “Well, let me know if you won’t want your dinner, but if you don’t, please at least stop in at McDonald’s or-“

“Yes- yes, I will,” I interrupt, barely suppressing a sigh as I finish my breakfast. “And that’s everything eaten, no need for panic here either. Just need to put on my shoes and my make-up and I’ll be ready to go.”

“And that’s another thing,” mum says as I internally scream with frustration. “I really wish you wouldn’t wear so much make-up either. God knows you’re pretty enough without it.” Despite my frustration, I can’t help but smile and wipe away a tear at my mother’s compliment.

“Yeah, well, I’ve got sponsorship deals on my socials, so I do kinda have to, like, be a ‘walking advert’ kinda thing,” I mumble in reply.

“I’m just glad you’ve got more ambition than to simply be a walking billboard,” mum says as I internally scream once again.

“We prefer the term ‘influencer’,” I retort with a smug grin, which quickly fades. “Though I suppose that goes double in my case, heh. Influencing people to buying the right brand of make-up is a lot easier than ‘influencing’ idiots into believing that I a ‘real’ girl, heh.”

“Well, like you said- idiots,” Sean says. “Just make sure that you stay safe today, okay? And most importantly of all: have fun!”

“Thanks, dad,” I whisper as my smile returns. “I will!”

I quickly skip back upstairs, where I apply my make-up despite my mother's protests- though just a light layer of foundation, some mascara, dark eyeliner and natural-coloured lip gloss. I need to make sure I give everyone- especially Will- the right impression today, and the make-up look is important there- as is the outfit. A dress, even a casual one like one of my pinafore style dresses, would be too formal, too ‘date-ish’. But on the other hand, a pair of jeans or leggings would come across as too casual, too ‘I don’t care-ish’, as would a jumpsuit. Which leaves a skirt and a top as my only option- despite the fact that that’s the outfit I wear to college every day. However, I own enough tops and more than enough skirts to be able to ‘mix it up’ a bit.

After pulling on a plain cotton bra and thong as well as a pair of nearly opaque black tights (it is February, after all), I take a dozen of my favourite skirts off of their hangers and try each one on, one after the other, trying to find one that’s just right for today. However, as hard as I try, each one feels ‘off’ somehow- either it’s too short, or too long, or too tight, or not tight enough, or made of the wrong fabric… Frustrated, I decide to start instead on my top half, and pull about twenty different tops, sweaters and bodysuits out of my drawer, trying each one on one after the other and coming to the same conclusion as I did with my skirts- they’re either too low cut, or too high necked, or too tight, or too baggy…

My frustration must have been noisier than I thought, as while I’m fastening myself into a plain black bodysuit with a cute Peter Pan collar, my bedroom door opens and my sister walks in, wearing her fluffy dressing gown and a deep frown on her face.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” I ask as I hold a tight black miniskirt against my body, before tossing it aside as it would have made my look for today far too black.

“Umm, yes?” Lily replies with a sarcastic snort. “Why’s it taking you so long to get dressed, anyway? Other than the fact that you own more clothes than the nearest branch of Primark?”

“I need to make sure I look absolutely perfect,” I reply. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“…Which is code for ‘I want boys to hit on me’, I get it,” Lily says with a devilish chuckle that only gets louder as I start to blush. “Oh- wait, are you ACTUALLY seeing a boy today? Is that why you’re taking so long to get ready?”

“Like I said,” I sigh, “you’ll understand when you’re older. MUCH older, hopefully.”

“It IS a boy, isn’t it!” Lily giggles. “In that case, you’re probably better off not wearing a skirt at all. Or that bodysuit. You can probably lose the tights while you’re at it, too. And your bra.” An awkward silence fills the room as my sister chooses not to continue talking, her cheeks flushing as she’s clearly realised the same thing I have.

“…But I SHOULD leave my thong on, right?” I ask.

“…I didn’t mean it like THAT,” Lily mumbles, her former bravado having completely vanished. “You know I didn’t…”

“Yeah- yeah, I know,” I sigh, sitting down on my bed next to my sister and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “You- you probably just forgot. Heh, even I do, sometimes.”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like,” Lily says. “Ugh, how lame am I that I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be transgender, and you’re my sister!”

“Well, just imagine you woke up tomorrow in a boy’s body,” I say, before smiling sympathetically as Lily moans with frustration.

“Yeah, I know, you’ve said that before,” my sister sighs. “And I- I guess my imagination isn’t that good. But, like, it’s not like I need to ‘imagine’ that you’re a girl, ‘cause, you know, you look and sound, like, 100% female.”

“Thank you,” I say with a smug grin.

“So whatever you wear today, the boy you’re going to see will, like, just drool all over you,” Lily says, smirking devilishly as I give her a gentle shove.

“Not on a £25 bodysuit, they’re not,” I say, pulling off the clingy top and throwing it back onto the ever-growing pile. “Not unless they want to wash it, anyway.”

“How about,” Lily says as she reaches into my piles. “This skirt and this turtleneck?” I smile as Lily hands the items of clothing to me, before sighing- they were two of the first things I opted against.

“The skirt’s too high-waisted,” I reply. “It’ll look too, well, old, even though it is short and flared. And the turtleneck would probably be too small even for you, let alone me!”

“So roll over the waistband of the skirt,” Lily retorts. “We do that at school all the time. Fold down the waistband of the tights, too- the skirt’s loose enough that it won’t, like ‘show’ or anything. Then you can show off some midriff with the turtleneck.”

“…When did you become such a fashion expert?” I ask as I follow my sister’s instructions, before completing my look with a pair of 3-inch heeled ankle booties.

“I watch a lot of YouTube tutorials,” Lily replies with a shrug. “And yes, I subscribe to your channel too. I can’t believe your ‘how to style patterned tights’ video got nearly half a million views!”

“And enough ad revenue to afford to buy virtually all of Primark,” I say with a smug grin as I start brushing my hair into a fuller, cuter style. “Though I have the agency to thank for about 90% of those views, they do NOT mess around when it comes to promoting our social media.”

“And they take a huge cut of that ad revenue as well, then?” Lily asks.

“I’m still left with more than if I tried to go it alone,” I reply. “A LOT more. And I wouldn’t have all the, like, doors opened for me, the opportunities that the agency have already put my way.”

“Or Saturdays free to go and crawl all over your new boyfriend?” Lily teases.

“You’re too young to know what ‘crawling’ involves,” I scoff, giving my make-up one final check before deeming it to be perfect (or at the very least, acceptable).

“Just because I’m too young to do it, doesn’t mean I’m too young to KNOW about it,” Lily retorts. “They do still do sex education at school. Heh, another thing that would make my ‘mother’ go off on one.”

“Well, it could be worse,” I sigh. “Ricky tried to ‘educate’ me about sex when I was 9- nothing, you know, inappropriate, just, like, ‘do you know this and that’ and so forth. And he’d constantly ask me if I had a girlfriend as well. Naturally, those questions ended pretty quickly when I got my first BOYfriend, heh.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely worse,” Lily snorts, before grimacing. “Ugh, and Ricky’s actually training to be a teacher, isn’t he? God, I hope I leave the school before he starts there…”

“Plenty of other schools in London where he could work,” I remind my sister. “And as he’s pretty much only going to be teaching boys’ PE, I think you’ll be safe.”

“Yeah, but he’ll still have a form group,” Lily reminds me. “Who he’ll be responsible for teaching PSHE, including sex education…”

“Yeah, well, sucks to be those kids, I guess,” I say, earning a chuckle from my sister before I pull on a warm, comfortable winter coat, grab my handbag and strike a pose. “Well?”

“Literally every boy who isn’t brain damaged or gay will be drooling,” Lily responds with a grin as we hear a car pull up outside. “Can I borrow this skirt today?” I smirk as my sister holds up one of the garments I discarded earlier, and which just so happens to also be the shortest skirt I own.

“Only if you want our father to kill us both, especially me,” I say, making Lily smirk. “And why do you want it, anyway? Do YOU have a boy you’re wanting to dress up for?”

“Oh- shut up…” Lily mumbles, making me giggle as I head downstairs, pausing only to say goodbye to mum and Sean before heading out to where Suri and her boyfriend are waiting in his car.

“Hey Laura!” Suri giggles as I elegantly slide onto the seat behind her while her boyfriend drives us to our next destination.

“Hey guys!” I say with an excited squeak as I try to get comfortable. “So… you’re making the 6’ 2” guy and the 5’ 9” girl sit on the cramped back seat of the car, then?”

“My car, my rules,” Curtis replies with a smug grin.

“And my boyfriend, so I get the front seat!” Suri concurs.

“Oh- fine, fine,” I say with a mock sigh, before giggling. “So, are we picking up Will next?”

“Given that he has the keys to the house, and he’s the only other person coming today, yes,” Suri replies, making me roll my eyes.

“Yes, yes, okay,” I snort.

“I’ll tell him you were asking when we pick him up, though,” Curtis chuckles, laughing even louder as I give his seat a gentle kick.

“BOY,” I retort, cringing slightly when Suri doesn’t join in with our usual reprimand.

“I’m really looking forward to this, though!” Suri squeaks, sparing my blushes as she prevents an awkward silence from filling the car. “It’s really nice of Will’s aunt to let us stay at her place like this.”

“Yeah, well, from what Will’s said I’m not 100% sure he’s let her know in advance,” Curtis says hesitantly, making me frown with confusion. “But if we put everything back the way we found it, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Just relax and enjoy today, okay?” Suri advises. “We’ve all got too much shit going on right now, we deserve a break like this.”

“Can’t argue with THAT,” I sigh.

“And from what Curtis says,” Suri continues, “this place is an absolute goldmine for potential TikToks.”

“You’ve been there before, then?” I ask our driver.

“Just at Christmas,” Curtis replies. “Will’s older brother was housesitting the place, and… actually, I’ll let the man himself explain.” I bite my lip to keep myself from grinning like an idiot as the car pulls to a stop and Will climbs onto the back seat next to me, giving me a smile as he fastens his seatbelt.

“Are you guys ready for today, then?” The brown-haired boy asks as we set off again, and even though he isn't looking directly at me, I can tell that he’s more interested in my answer to this question than in Suri’s or Curtis’s.

“Totally,” Suri replies with a grin. “If even half of what you’ve told us is true, today will be AWESOME.”

“And I thought it was only, like, LITTLE girls who were excited by the idea of a dressing up day?” Will teases.

“BOY,” Suri and I simultaneously reply, making us both giggle while Will rolls his eyes.

“And aren’t you two too tired after last night, anyway?” Will asks the couple in the front seats, though as he turns his attention toward them, I can’t help but catch him glimpse at my body- more specifically, my legs…

“Definite BOY,” Suri snorts. “What we did last night is none of YOUR business!”

“Yes, okay, point taken,” Will says with a tired-sounding snort of laughter. “Can’t be any less fun than looking after my little brother all evening.”

“Oh, I can sympathise with that,” I say with a tired chuckle of my own. “Though it was little sister for me, rather than brother.”

“Though as her sister is 13 and already taller than me, it hardly counts as babysitting,” Suri snorts.

“My brother’s 9, so I win then,” Will says, flashing me a smug grin that falters as I roll my eyes. “Umm, a- anyway, why are we in the back seat with literally zero leg room?”

“My car, my girlfriend, my front seat,” Curtis replies.

“Yeah, well, when we get there, it’s my aunt, her house and my-“ Will says, pausing as he furtively glances in my direction. “My- my weekend. My idea, like.”

“Huh,” Suri muses. “So little BOYS like dressing up just as much as little girls, then?” I grimace as an awkward silence fills the car, and my cheeks start to flush as Will tries his hardest not to stare in my direction.

“…Don’t worry about it, Suri,” I sigh. “I mean, we’ve known each other for seven years, you know by now that I don’t- well, yep.”

“Yeah, but after seven years, you’d think by now I’d know not to-“ Suri mumbles.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” I say softly. “Besides, you’ll make the actual BOYS uncomfortable, heh.”

“Nah, I’m okay,” Will says with a shrug. “It’s just, like, a fact, you know? Some people live as a different gender to the one they were born as. Just because Laura WAS a boy, it doesn’t mean she still IS one, right?”

“Right,” I say firmly, exchanging a smile with the tall boy that leaves both of us blushing. Stop making me fancy you more, I think to myself as our car heads ever westward.

Fortunately, talk in the car soon changes to things like university, our upcoming end of year production, coronavirus- which we thankfully don't talk about for long- and, most of all, the house we are rapidly approaching.

Having grown up in London, I start to feel slightly uneasy as the familiar urban setting gradually disappears and we find ourselves travelling through endless fields of green, sometimes even travelling down bumpy single-track roads. Try as I might, I can’t help but think about the last long-distance drive I was taken on- in summer 2014, by Robert. Even though I’ve travelled plenty since, such as for school trips or family holidays, I can’t help but feel a little anxious at being in a car with strange men, even if I know that Suri is mere inches in front of me. Then again, there’s a world of difference between being in a car with a 'man' like Robert and a man like Will- especially as they'd obviously want two very different things from me…

We eventually pull onto Will’s aunt’s driveway well over an hour after leaving London, and as we draw closer to the great house, my jaw gradually drops lower and lower.

“W- wow,” I breathe as I take in the scenery. “Your aunt really lives here?”

“Yep!” Will replies with a smug grin. “When she’s not in Hollywood or wherever, anyway. That’s why me and my family all have keys and can come and go whenever we want- it makes it look like there are people constantly here, and it keeps burglars away.”

“Makes sense,” I say with a shrug as we enter the house, where my jaw drops yet again. “Makes a LOT of sense that she wouldn’t want THIS place to be burgled…” I quickly get lost in thought as I examine the scene in front of me- photos of a middle-aged woman, presumably Will's aunt, posing with the likes of James Cameron, Russell T Davies and countless other filmmakers, as well as costumes, props and more movie memorabilia than I've ever seen in my life. And this is just the entrance hall…

“Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m impressed,” Suri says in an awestruck voice as the two boys look on with smug smiles on their faces.

“And you haven’t even seen the wardrobes yet,” Curtis teases, giggling as his girlfriend gives him a gentle punch in the arm.

After getting a quick drink and a snack to refuel ourselves after our long trip, Will announces that the time has come for the four of us to head to the house's 'star attraction'- the storage room that he spent so much of the journey here hyping up.

As we head up the stairs to this ‘magical wardrobe’, I can’t help but occasionally glance over at Will. It’s getting more and more obvious that inviting me today WAS his idea, and he’s clearly trying to impress me. In truth, though, I’m just glad of the distraction from everything else going on in my life right now. If I was here with other girls, I’d probably be just as grateful for the distraction- though being here with a very fit guy who’s clearly interested in me certainly doesn’t hurt, even if it does mean I’ll have to abandon my ‘boy detox’. Though that's looking more and more like it'd be worth it…

“Okay,” Will says, making more furtive glances in my direction as we stand outside the ‘wardrobe’ door. “Maybe you should take a deep breath!”

“Oh- just show us, for god’s sake!” Suri whines, frowning as the two boys both chuckle. And while I’m trying hard to hide it and look 'cool', there’s a large part of me that’s anxious to see the wardrobe as well.

“Well- if you insist,” Will says, throwing open the room’s double doors and causing my jaw to drop for the third time in under an hour.

Spread out before me are racks upon racks of outfits and costumes in every colour under the sun. From formal outfits like ball gowns and tuxedos, to old-style outfits like Victorian dresses, to more modern outfits like business suits from the sixties and the eighties, to even fancier costumes like tutus, everything seems to be in this room. I remember once when I visited Nikki Phillips-Thomas’s flat, she showed me her wardrobe full of dresses and outfits that her wife made for her, and I was nearly overwhelmed by that, but this makes even that seem like nothing by comparison. And even after seven solid years of wearing nothing but girls’ clothing- including countless fancy ball gowns, old-style costumes and several tutus- I find myself giddy at the possibility of yet more new feminine experiences.

Not least because there’s a voice at the back of mind that reminds me that with every ball gown, costume or tutu I wear, I’m ‘beating’ Robert over and over again…

“Okay,” Suri says, taking several deep breaths to calm herself down. “I am officially a kid in a candy store right now!”

“Will any of these fit us, though?” I ask, conscious of the fact that I’d never be able to fit even my svelte frame into any of Suri’s petite clothing, while any of my clothes would be like a muumuu to her.

“Most costumes like this are made from things like spandex or lycra, to give them a little extra, well, ‘give’,” Will explains, taking a dress off one of the racks and giving it a quick stretch. “And my aunt has plenty of safety pins lying around as well.”

“…Thank you,” I whisper, looking Will directly in the eyes and smiling as his cheeks redden once again. “Thank you SO much for this, this is- this is AWESOME. It really is, I- I dunno how I’m gonna repay you for this, heh.” Though no doubt you have a few ideas, I think to myself. A wave of anxiety passes over me as I wonder whether Will set this up solely to get me to have sex with him, before I reason that there were plenty of other, more straightforward ways he could’ve done that. And besides, it’s not like I DON’T want to have sex with him…

“It’s okay,” Will says with a casual- or at the very least, trying to be casual- shrug. “You can always pick a costume and show it off to me, if- if you’d like?”

“I think that can be arranged,” I reply with a smug grin. “Though you’re NOT going to see me getting changed. Mainly because it’ll spoil the surprise, hehe!”

“That goes for you too,” Suri says to her boyfriend, making both boys pout as we shoo them out of the room, before turning our attention back to the racks in front of us. “So…” Suri says to me with a teasing voice, “having fun yet?”

“Totally,” I reply with a warm smile. “And thank YOU.”

“What?” Suri replies with a nonchalant shrug. “I’m having just as much fun as you here, you know?”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I say. “Arguably, even more fun, ‘cause you’re here with your boyfriend?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it,” Suri mumbles.

“Mainly ‘cause you think I’m gonna have the exact same ‘fun’ with Will?” I ask, smirking as my friend rolls her eyes and avoids my gaze. “It’s okay, I mean, the setup couldn’t be any more obvious if you literally stripped us both naked and shoved us into bed together, hehe! I’m still trying to work out whose idea the road trip was, though.”

“…It was kinda, like, a ‘joint effort’,” Suri says. “I figured that a girl as hot as you shouldn’t have to be single for a whole twelve months, ‘boy detox’ or not. And yes, I know you have a lot on your mind right now, a lot taking up your free time, but, you know, boys are, like, a distraction from that, right?”

“Depends on the boy, really,” I say. “It’s, like, the Catch 22 of guys. You want a guy who’s sensitive enough to, like, know what it is you need, but not too sensitive so as to be too needy himself.”

“Hmm,” Suri muses, before grinning as she holds up a slinky black dress with an insanely high slit up one side. “How about this?”

“I’m sure I’ve seen you wear a dress like that before,” I reply. “There’s got to be WAY fancier on these racks somewhere.”

“Meh, I guess,” Suri shrugs. “Though I would look SERIOUSLY hot in that dress, I dunno if you could tell but it was completely backless, like, there was a fastening at the back of the neck and the next piece of fabric was about one inch above my arse.”

“Well, that just means there’ll be more like that here somewhere,” I say as I move away from the dresses and toward the more ‘exotic’ costumes. “Remember what Will said, these are the costumes that DIDN’T make it on screen, like, the back-ups, the prototypes sort of thing. Figures that she’d make more than one design before settling on the final one, right?”

“She must have spent a FORTUNE on fabric,” Suri whispers. “Didn’t your friend Nikki say that when her wife makes clothes, she has to save every scrap of fabric that she can?”

“She’s not got a Hollywood budget, though,” I say, before my jaw drops as I find a costume I know I must wear immediately, if not sooner. “Well?” I giggle excitedly as Suri’s jaw drop as I show her my chosen costume, before she lets out a squeak of excitement when I show her that there’s also an almost identical costume in a smaller size…

A few minutes later, Suri and I are stood outside of the house’s large living room, where the boys are no doubt eagerly awaiting our entrance.

“Are you ready?” Suri asks.

“Yes, come on already!” Curtis replies, making us both giggle as Suri plays music on her phone while I throw open the doors and we both strut confidently into the room. The looks in the boys’ eyes as we parade and dance around them tells us that we’ve had the desired effect- and I’ve definitely chosen the right costume.

Covering my body- or at the very least, trying to- is a slinky showgirl dress covered in silver sequins. Well, I say 'dress', but 'leotard with a bit of fringing' is more accurate. Much like Suri's dress from earlier, it has virtually no back, just a couple of strings holding the whole thing together, has an extremely high-cut leg and low-cut front that is struggling to keep even my modest bosom contained. Matching extra-long gloves and high-heeled shoes (as well as a pair of nude fishnets) complement the costume, while my hair is woven through an elaborate headpiece that fastens to my arms and the top of my dress with several silver-coloured boas. I KNOW I look good- amazing, even. And the smiles on the boys' faces tell me they're in full agreement.

As the boys record us with their phones, Suri and I pull various poses, some 'professional' while some more flirtatious, before finishing up by blowing kisses to their cameras.

“Show’s over, boys,” I say, giggling as Curtis and Will pout. “Well… for now, anyway!” Suri and I giggle as we curtsey to the boys, before backing out of the room and squeaking excitedly.

“Okay, okay,” Suri says, fanning herself with her hands to calm herself down, “THIS was cool!”

“Definitely,” I giggle. “Seems a bit of a shame the boys only got, like, a couple of minutes of us in these costumes.”

“Meh, we’re not wearing it for them, we’re wearing it because WE want to have fun!” Suri reminds me. “And besides, they’ve got their videos. Ooh, speaking of which…” I grin as Suri rushes to where she hung up her coat, returning with her smartphone and a small portable tripod, which she attaches to the phone. We spend the next 5 minutes doing our own poses and mini dance routines for the camera, before reluctantly heading back upstairs to change out of our gorgeous costumes. What amuses me, though, is that Suri seems just as reluctant to change out of her costume as me, if not more so.

“Huh,” I muse out loud, catching my friend’s attention. “What were we saying in the car about little girls enjoying getting dressed up? ‘Cause I was thinking, like, if we showed any egg this costume and let them dress in it, they’d be over the Moon, and here I am, 6 ½ years as a girl, and I’m over the Moon too, but you’re, like, almost eighteen years as a girl and you’re just as excited as I was.”

“…What’s an ‘egg’?” Suri asks.

“Closeted transgender person,” I explain. “Like, someone who hasn’t come out of their ‘shell’? It’s a term used online a lot, like, on trans-friendly message boards, that sort of thing. I would make SO many people- eggs- jealous if I showed them a picture of me dressed up as a showgirl.”

“I imagine you’d make a lot of them jealous if you showed them a photo of you wearing the skirt you wore this morning,” Suri reminds me, and I’m forced to concede the point.

“Or even stripped down to just my thong,” I muse as I step out of the dress/leotard and peel off my fishnets.

“Or even with a guy like Will,” Suri says. “Whether stripped down to your thong or not, I mean.” I pause as I consider what my friend is saying.

“…It is a bit rude of us to have all the fun while they’re sat downstairs,” I muse as I pull my own skirt and top back on. “Maybe we should make them lunch to say, ‘thanks for the morning’?”

“Oh sure, the girls can stay in the kitchen?” Suri asks, before giggling. “Nah, you’re right. Besides, we’re gonna be here a while, plenty of time to try on… this!” I giggle as Suri reaches into the rack at random and pulls out what looks like a skin-tight spacesuit. I giggle as Suri holds it against her body and strikes an action pose, before I pull my tights and my shoes back on and head downstairs to where the boys are waiting- and who naturally have disappointed looks on their faces when they see us dressed in our own clothes.

“Oh- what?” Curtis asks. “Bored already?”

“No,” Suri replies with an eye roll. “We just thought that since part of the reason we’re here is to spend time with you guys, we should, well, spend time with you guys, you know?”

“Plus, we’re hungry,” I say, staring expectantly at Will, who rolls his eyes and leads us into his aunt’s posh kitchen. “Though what Suri said was right, it kinda felt unfair that we were having all the fun when it IS your aunt’s house, like.”

“Though getting to see us in skimpy showgirl costumes should count as ‘fun’ for both of you,” Suri cautions the young men.

“I imagine it’d be more fun than you seeing us in the costumes,” Will says, before biting his lip and grimacing. “Umm, assuming- assuming that wasn’t, you know, insensitive…?” I don’t need to look to know that Will is glancing in my direction, and after six and a half years, I certainly don’t need to think about why he’d think that mentioning crossdressing in my presence would be insensitive.

“It’s okay,” I shrug. “You’re not wrong, for one thing!”

“That’s good, I was worried in case I lost a bet,” Curtis says, before grinning as Suri parks herself in his lap and cuddles in close to him. I bite my lip nervously as I slide closer to Will, who’s busy preparing our lunch.

“So…” I say to the tall young man. “Do you bring many girls out here and dress them up?”

“Thanks for making me sound like a weirdo!” Will snorts, before smiling sympathetically. “And- and not really, I mean, I don’t have a driving licence yet so every time I come out here it’s either with family or friends, so- yeah. You’re probably the first person who ever wore that costume, my aunt does all her actual, like, ‘making’ on mannequins, and as it probably wasn’t modelled- yeah. You- you looked REALLY good in it, though.”

“Aww, thanks!” I giggle, sliding my body closer to Will’s and almost hearing his goosebumps as his arm gently brushes against one of my breasts. “Are you and Curtis going to be, like, joining in the fun after lunch or shall me and Suri do all the hard work of entertaining you guys? And yes, before you say anything, I mean you two wearing an ‘appropriate’ costume, like James Bond or something.”

“What exactly did you have in mind?” Will asks as I smile devilishly.

“You’ll see,” I reply as we take our lunches back to the other couple and begin tucking in.

After lunch, we clear away our plates and cutlery (we have to leave the house the way we found it, after all), we head back upstairs, but along the way, a devious grin spreads across Will’s face as he stops us midway.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Will says, his grin widening as he glances at me. “How about we play a game, boys vs girls, and if we win, we get to choose what costume you have to wear next!” Suri and I frown as we exchange a knowing look.

“…Quick reminder that I’m not eighteen until April,” Suri cautions the boys. “So if you take any photos or videos of what you’ll inevitably make me wear, it will technically be child porn.”

“That’s okay, I’ve got a good memory,” Curtis retorts, laughing as his girlfriend gives him a swift punch in the arm.

“And what do we get if- no, WHEN we win?” I ask.

“You get to pick your costumes,” Will says, before sighing as Suri and I continue to stare at him. “…And ours. And we have to be your servants for, say, an hour?”

“Deal,” Suri and I say confidently.

“So what’s the game?” I ask. “And don’t say anything like FIFA.”

“Nah, my aunt doesn’t own any consoles,” Will says. “She does, however, own a limbo bar…” I glance at Suri as smug smirks spread across our faces- with our years of ballet and gymnastics lessons, this is going to be a piece of cake.

30 minutes later, Suri and I have deep scowls on our faces as I lace her into the elaborate (and very tight and skimpy) cocktail waitress costume that Curtis picked out for her, while trying not to spill out of the top of the tight strapless minidress that Will chose for me.

“In fairness, Curtis never told me he’s taken contortion lessons in the past,” Suri sighs, before breathing in to allow me to tighten the laces on her costume.

“How- how have you not noticed?” I ask. “I mean, like, when you’re, like, ‘alone’ together?”

“I- well, I- I’m usually the one doing the, you know, ‘contorting’,” Suri replies, her cheeks reddening before she lets out a quiet giggle. “But that is TOTALLY changing when we get home!”

“As long as you do actually wait until you get home,” I say as I finish lacing Suri into her dress and adjust the top of mine to be a bit more comfortable. “Let’s get this over with…” Despite our loss, I still grin as I examine myself in the mirror- more specifically, the shiny silver dress covering my body that’s barely long enough to cover my boobs and my butt and- along with the 7” platform stilettos I’m wearing- makes my legs look about a mile long.

After giving my hair a quick brush and touching up my lipstick, I take a deep breath and lead Suri out of the ‘wardrobe’, walking slowly due to the height of my heels. Despite this, I maintain a confident look on my face as we stride back into the living room, where the boys greet us with wolf whistles that make us roll our eyes. After exchanging a knowing glance with Suri, I giggle as she puts on a fake, high-pitched American accent and goes over to be her boyfriend’s waitress, while I stride over to where Will is sat and, without any warning, park myself in his lap, crossing one leg tightly over the other and reaching into his shirt to give his (surprisingly firm) pec a squeeze.

“Hey baby…” I seductively purr in my best attempt at an American accent.

“Umm, hi…” Will says, clearly confused by my behaviour. “What- what are you doing?”

“Umm, YOU’RE the one who decided I should dress up as a prostitute, remember?” I reply, and despite Will’s confusion at my actions, I can feel that he’s clearly 'getting excited' by my appearance.

“Umm, okay…” Will says. “That doesn’t mean you HAVE to act like one, li-“

“Says the actor to the actress?” I remind the handsome young man.

“Well- okay, I just-“ Will says, before sighing. “I just thought you didn’t, you know, like being touched, because of- umm…” No prizes for guess what- or rather, who- no, actually, ‘what’ was right the first time. No prizes for guessing ‘what’ he’s referring to.

“You’re talking about my ‘sperm donor’, aren’t you?” I sigh, frowning and climbing off Will’s lap when he nods. I feel my entire face start to burn as Suri and Curtis immediately stop what they’re doing and stare in my direction, and soon tears are flowing from my eyes as I rush into the kitchen to try to regain my composure.

I don’t know how much time passes, but the next thing I’m aware of is the kitchen door opening, and Will walking through with a look of pure guilt on his face.

“H- hey,” Will whispers softly, with even this nearly setting off my tears again. “I, umm, I- I’m sorry for what I said, I- I wasn’t thinking, and-“

“Mmph,” I grunt loudly.

“I- umm, I- ugh,” Will spits, before slowly sitting down opposite me. “Laura, I am so, SO sorry, I just- I want to get to know you better, so I- I don’t screw up like this again.”

“O- okay,” I mumble, briefly confused by what Will's saying before my heart beats faster as I realise exactly what he’s implying.

“Laura, I- I really- I really, really like you, you know?” Will whispers. “And I mean, I- today was, like, a chance to get you know better, if I wanted- well, if YOU wanted, like, I- I mean, if we’d-“

“I- I like you too,” I interrupt, sharing a smile with the handsome young man. “And I thought- heh. I thought there’s no way you’d want to be with, like, a neurotic, transgender mess of a girl, heh.”

“Laura, pretty much every boy in college would give anything to be your boyfriend,” Will says softly. “Especially since you became, like, ‘off-limits’.”

“’Every’ boy?” I scoff. “Including the ones who’d run a mile if they saw me fully naked?”

“We go to a liberal performing arts college in the middle of the most diverse city in the world,” Will reminds me. “Okay, so there may be the odd Donald Trump fan, but for the most part, everybody at college sees you not just as A girl, but as THE girl.”

“Yeah, right,” I snort.

“Laura,” Will sighs. “You’re almost six feet tall, you’ve got the most amazing body of everyone in the college, you’re a professional model, a dancer, you’re hot, sexy and cute all at the same time AND you’ve got actual honest to god Angels on your speed dial. Even if you view, well…”

“Having a dick?” I ask.

“Even if you see THAT as, like, a flaw- and I don’t,” Will says. “It’s, like, totally insignificant compared to all the rest of the stuff that’s great about you.”

“What about me being a mental case?” I ask.

“You have issues,” Will shrugs. “Doesn’t mean you’re, like, broken beyond repair or something like that. Just means you’re, you know, human.”

“…Thanks,” I whisper as a wave of guilt washes over me. “And I- I know, other people have it a LOT worse than me. Heh, a friend of mine was actually in a mental hospital for pretty much the whole of January, and every time I think I’m having it bad I think about what he had to go through, and- yep. Makes me feel even more like a piece of shit.”

“You’re not a piece of shit, not even close,” Will says, tentatively reaching his hand across the table to gently stroke mine. “Just ‘cause one person’s problems might be ‘worse’, it doesn’t mean yours are non-existent.”

“Yeah, I know,” I say, smiling as I turn my hand over and allow Will to play with my palm. “And I did need to hear this, thanks. Sometimes it feels like I’m always going to have all this shit hanging over me, heh. But I guess, like, all problems can be solved, right? Even my ‘you know what’, heh.”

“What, you mean the…” Will says, making me giggle as mimes a ‘snipping’ motion with his free hand.

“Y- yeah,” I say, making Will chuckle as I start to blush. “It’s not quite THAT simple, but- yeah. Definitely want that done as soon as possible. But it doesn’t mean that, you know, I can’t ‘do’ anything in the meantime…” I take a deep breath as my heart starts to beat faster, before a little voice in my head reminds me that I technically haven't called a halt to my 'boy detox' yet. And as cute and sensitive Will is, he DID screw up- big time- by reminding me of Robert. However, he did also immediately apologise, which many other boys would rather die than do. And, probably most significantly, he's practically throwing himself at me. And while this doesn't mean I'm obliged to 'catch', it could be a long time before anyone 'throws' again...

“Well- only if- like, if you want to,” Will whispers. “In the meantime, like, I- I have an idea for something else we can do…” I grin as Will’s eyes light up and his grip on my hand gently tightens.

Just under an hour later, Suri and I return to the living room having exchanged our skimpy costumes for elaborate ballgowns with voluminous floor-length skirts and plunging princess necklines. We've enhanced our make-up, going for a full, almost regal look, and our hair has been tied into elaborate updos and adorned with costume jewels and pearls from Will’s aunt’s wardrobe, while our arms are covered in almost shoulder-length satin gloves and we have elegant high-heeled sandals on our feet.

“Presenting Princess Laura of West London!” Suri playfully ‘announces’ as I sweep into the room, exchanging a stealthy smile with Will along the way.

“Presenting Rajakumari Suriya of West Bengal!” I playfully ‘announce’ (having cleared Suri’s ‘title’ with her before entering the room, obviously). I giggle as Suri elegantly glides into the room and heads over to her boyfriend, who like Will is clad in a pristine white tuxedo. As Suri curtseys to Curtis, I make my way over to Will and playfully curtsey before him, before linking the fingers of my right hand with those of his left and grinning as he places his other hand on my hip and pulls me into an intimate hold. As waltz music plays from the stereo, the four of us slowly glide around the room, and as we do, time starts to stand still and I realise that despite my 'meltdown', this genuinely might be one of my all-time favourite days...

As the daylight outside starts to dim and the song ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ plays, I find myself fully relaxing (well, as much as my dress- and especially my corset- will allow me), smiling happily as Will places both of his hands on my hips and gently pulls me in closer to him.

“For the record,” I whisper as I rest my head on Will’s shoulder, “I DO like being touched. I just- I just don’t like it when people grab me unexpectedly. Heh, ‘don’t like it’ is probably an understatement.”

“I won’t grab you unexpectedly, then,” Will whispers, making me smile happily.

“Thank you for today,” I say. “This- heh. Meltdown aside, this has been perfect, I really, really needed this.”

“Any time,” Will says. “Literally, any time, my aunt goes away a lot and- heh. You- you weren’t just thanking me for the dresses, were you?” Will giggles as I scrunch up my nose and shake my head. “Yeah, and I thought you couldn’t get any cuter, heh!”

“Hehe!” I giggle quietly, before grimacing. “Maybe not a good idea laughing too much in this damned corset, heh.”

“I can… I can always, you know…” Will says, his cheeks reddening. “I can help you, maybe… take it off?” Subtle! I think to myself, but the 'offer' still elicits a smile from me. Especially as I know that as soon as a few months ago, we'd probably already be in one of this room's many bedrooms...

“Maybe later,” I reply, giggling as Will pouts. “I promise.” I smile as I lean in closer to Will and gently press my lips against his. While this is far from my first kiss, in a way, it almost feels like I'm experiencing love for the first time. Except Will has shown himself to be a perfect gentleman, unlike Phil- the boy with whom I shared my first 'actual' kiss. In a way, this feels almost my like ‘last first kiss’- logically, I know there’ll come a time when I kiss someone for the first time, and it'll be the last ever 'first kiss' I have with someone. And I can’t help but wonder if this is what I’ve just done…

Eventually, the time comes to reluctantly change out of our amazing clothes and back into our ordinary clothes, which feel even more ordinary than ever. And while I’m happy to be out of my corset (even if it was fun to have a twenty-inch waist), I am sad at the knowledge that it could be months before I’m able to wear it, or any of the other amazing costumes again. However, I’m taking home something much more valuable from our little ‘road trip’, as I’m reminded when we get in the back seat of Curtis’s car and Will immediately links his fingers with mine.

“We are totally doing this again,” Suri says as we set off back east to London.

“I’ll let you know when the house is next free,” Will says with a shrug. “Doubt it’ll be as special as this first time, though.” I grin as Will glances at me briefly, but long enough to make us both giggle.

The journey home is conducted in almost total silence, all of us tired after today’s fun. However, when we arrive outside my house (the car's first stop), Will insists on escorting me to my front door, but before I reach it, we stop and exchange a long, deep, passionate kiss that almost makes my entire body melt.

“I- I’ll see you soon,” I whisper breathlessly as goosebumps cover every square inch of my skin.

“Monday?” Will whispers.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” I ask.

“Nothing I can’t put off,” Will replies. “You?”

“Noth-“ I say, before grimacing. “Ah, umm- yeah, I kinda am… My sister, she- she’s my stepsister, we have different mothers, and she’s seeing her mother tomorrow and it’s complic-“

“I can wait until Monday,” Will says, giving my cheek a gentle stroke. “Good things come to those who wait, heh.”

“Yeah,” I say, exchanging another shorter kiss with my new boyfriend before letting myself into my home and heading through to the living room to drop my shoes and my bag.

“Laura!” Mum yells, in a voice that’s half-angry and half-relieved. “Where on Earth have you been?”

“Umm, what?” I ask, confused by my mother’s sudden outburst. “It’s not THAT late, is it?”

“Your agency called you,” Sean explains. “Said they couldn’t get hold of you on your mobile. So we tried Megan’s phone, and she said you weren’t hanging out with her today, when you said you would be.”

“Umm, no, I said I was hanging out with friends,” I retort. “I never said WHICH friends, and if you’d tried Suri’s mobile, you’d- ah. She- she probably left it in the other room too… sorry…?”

“Next time, just let us know where you’ll actually be rather than leave us guessing okay?” Mum asks.

“Well- okay,” I reply with a nonchalant shrug that only makes my mother even angrier. “Will that apply when I’m at uni, and I’ll be going to late night parties, or when I’m staying overnight with a boyfriend? I mean, I AM an adult now.”

“Technically,” mum retorts, before sighing. “But- but you are right, I just- I’m scared I’ll lose you again.” I bite my lip as tears start to flow from my mother’s eyes, before rushing toward her for a long and much needed hug.

“I’ll put the kettle on,” Sean says softly. “Laura, have you had dinner yet?”

“Not yet, but I-“ I say, conscious of how my mother reacts whenever I tell her I’m not hungry.

“I’ll heat you up something from the freezer,” Sean says, before leaving me and mum alone in the living room.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into my mother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you worry…”

“No- no, I’m sorry I bit your head off when you came home,” mum sighs. “I probably ruined your day of fun, heh.”

“…Maybe a bit,” I say, before letting out a tired chuckle. “Where’s Lily, anyway?”

“Don’t change the subject!” Mum chastises, before sighing. “She’s gone to her friend Molly’s house for dinner, she should be back soon. I think I’m as anxious for her tomorrow as I was for you today.”

“Yeah, so am I,” I say with a sad sigh.

“You know, you don’t have to go along with us tomorrow,” mum says. “We’re Lily’s parents, not you, it wouldn’t be right to force you to, well, take responsibility.”

“I don’t mind,” I shrug as mum and I sit down in our usual spots. “What are big sisters for, eh?”

“Yes, but you’d much rather be hanging out with your friends?” Mum asks, frowning with confusion as I blush at the memory of my kiss with Will. “…Laura?”

“Well- I guess ‘friends’…” I mumble. “I- I kinda, like, made a new friend today… Like, a- a boyfriend.”

“Oh,” mum says, deepening my blush. “Who is he?”

“A boy from my course,” I reply. “We’d, like, been acquaintances before, but Suri and her boyfriend introduced us, he thinks I’m cute, I think he’s fit, and we hit it off, so- yeah.”

“I thought you were staying away from boys until you started uni?” Mum asks.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” I sigh. “Then Will and I got talking, and- yep.”

“Is this the same ‘Will’ who was in that play with you, when you were playing a member of a street gang?” Mum asks.

“Yep, he was- he was playing one of the ‘council’,” I reply. “He wasn’t the one I beat up with my ‘chain’ though, heh.”

“Glad to hear it,” mum says with a nervous chuckle. “So, then, are we going to meet Will at some point?”

“Umm, I guess,” I mumble.

“Well, we should be done tomorrow by 3pm,” mum says, making me cringe.

“…He’s literally only been my boyfriend for a few hours,” I say.

“No time like the present,” mum retorts, before our conversation pauses as Sean returns from the kitchen with a delicious-smelling cottage pie, which I immediately tuck into.

“Did I miss anything important?” Sean asks as he sits down in his usual chair.

“Only that we’re going to meet Laura’s new boyfriend tomorrow,” mum replies, smirking as I nearly choke on my food. “If he’s free, of course. Which I’m sure Laura will be able to tell us later as she’ll probably spend all evening texting with him or something.” Mum’s smirk widens as I shoot an evil stare at her, though her prediction is ultimately proven right as I head up to my bedroom after dinner, where I discover several messages waiting for me from Will (along with several videos he recorded during the day). The rest of the evening is spent alternating between chatting with Will, chatting with the Excellent Eight (who are all jealous of the photos Suri and I show them), editing videos for YouTube and TikTok and occasionally doing coursework. Unsurprisingly, I’m exhausted when I eventually climb into bed just before midnight, but my whole body is tingling with excitement at the mere prospect of seeing Will tomorrow- not to mention on Monday at college, and Tuesday at college, and all the days to come afterward.

Mercifully, mum doesn’t wake me the following morning, and I eventually crawl out of bed just after 9:30am to find that everyone else in the household is always awake and dressed- including my sister, who looks very smart in her tartan pinafore, black turtleneck and black tights, but also utterly terrified at the prospect of the day ahead.

“Ah, morning,” Sean says as I grab breakfast from the kitchen before sitting back down with my family in the living room. “Sleep well?”

“Not bad, thanks,” I reply, before smiling sympathetically at my (understandably) nervous sister. “How about you, Lily?” I bite my lip and try to maintain my smile as Lily simply shrugs and goes back to reading her phone.

“She’s just a bit anxious about today,” Sean explains quietly.

“Well, duh,” Lily mumbles under her voice, making our father frown, but not earning a rebuke from him- he obviously knows just how stressed out she is. “I liked the TikTok you put up last night though, Laura.”

“Thanks,” I say, maintaining my sympathetic smile.

“I really need to learn what TikTok is at some point,” mum muses. “Though I don’t suppose I could ban you from using it even if I disapprove of it, heh.”

“Especially not as it makes up a good chunk of my earnings,” I retort. “And the agency wouldn’t let me put up anything ‘inappropriate’ anyway.”

“Which is something, I suppose,” mum concedes.

“And I’m sure I’ve shown you TikToks before,” I say. “Like that one the Angels did at Christmas, where they were in pyjamas, then they put a Christmas cracker in front of the camera, pulled it and then they were all in party dresses?”

“Ah yeah, I remember that,” mum says. “I think it was Alice who showed us that one.”

“Not surprising, seeing as she was in it,” Lily muses. “Who was that guy you were dancing with in your TikTok, Laura?” Well, at least I’ve already told mum and Sean about Will, I think to myself as I feel my body momentarily tense up.

“Is he that Will boy you told me about last night?” Mum asks, my cheeks reddening as Sean chuckles at my expense.

“Well- yes,” I reply bluntly. “I’m not going to start seeing a guy and then dance with someone else in the same day, am I?”

“No need for THAT attitude,” mum scolds me.

“Are we gonna get to meet your new boyfriend at any point, Laura?” Lily asks, clearly relishing in me being put under the spotlight- though under the circumstances (both Lily’s and mine), I don’t mind too much.

“Good question,” mum concurs.

“…Eventually,” I reply. “Maybe- maybe the weekend after next, I dunno.”

“Well we’re not doing anything this evening,” mum says as my cheeks start to redden again.

“It’s a bit soon for ‘meet the parents’, isn’t it?” I ask. And I’m sure we went over this last night, I think to myself.

“Depends on the parents,” Lily says with a smug chuckle.

“And definitely depends on the boy,” mum says, looking at me expectantly and only breaking her stare when I sigh.

“…I’ll ask him, I can’t promise anything more than that,” I say, before finishing my breakfast and heading upstairs to get dressed- though I avoid making my usual ‘detour’ to check my Facebook messages, this way I can at least say 'I haven't been on Facebook yet today' when mum and Sean inevitably ask about Will.

As today isn't about me, and more importantly, the person I'll be 'encountering' is a massive transphobe, I know I need to 'tame' my look somewhat- or at the very least, it has to be significantly different than yesterday. Gone is the fun, flared miniskirt, replaced by a conservative dark grey pencil skirt that ends just a few inches above my knee. Gone is the top I wore yesterday, replaced by a khaki turtleneck that doesn’t show off TOO much of my figure. Gone is my dark magenta nail polish, replaced by a clear coat. And gone are my sheer tights and cute ankle booties, replaced by a pair of thick, opaque black tights and the same wedge-heeled ankle boots I usually wear to college. Looking in the mirror, I definitely convey the image of a smart young woman, and yet all I can think is that I hope Will doesn’t see me dressed like this- and there's a part of me that's desperate to rub even this conservative yet feminine look in Robert's face…

Most of all, though, I want to be able to support Lily today in any way that I can. After all, it’s not like I don’t know what it’s like to have a ‘parent’ with whom I’d rather have zero contact. And I know that if I ever did choose to have contact with Robert again, Lily would have my back- as would everyone else I know. Quite possibly even Will…

The ride to the contact centre is conducted in near-silence as I sit on the back seat once again- though this time, I don’t mind, as it means I'm sat alongside the little sister who I'm here to support. When we arrive at the contact centre, I can feel Lily’s tension levels quickly rise- though the calming hand of our father on her shoulder quickly brings her emotions under control.

“This won’t take long,” Sean says comfortingly. “We’ll be just around the corner.”

“Thanks, dad,” Lily whispers, before forcing a smile on her face as we enter the comfortable room that’s been reserved and we come face to face with the stoic (but clearly angry) face of Lily’s mother.

“Hello, Sean,” the middle-aged woman says in a cold voice that makes even me flinch- and I can’t help but notice that she didn’t greet her daughter first. “I see you’re still letting our daughter sleep under the same roof as HIM.” And there it is, I think as I allow myself a stealthy eye roll. I momentarily think about retorting, before deciding that with everything going on in my life right now, it’s a hassle I simply don’t need. And besides, I already have plenty of people who are on my side- one of whom immediately- and unexpectedly- leaps to my defence.

“Who, my sister?” Lily asks, earning an angry glare from her mother, which quickly fades into a smile that is probably supposed to be loving, but that even I quickly see through.

“Hello, Lily!” The middle-aged woman says in an almost sickeningly sweet voice. “Have you been looking forward to today?” My sister does an obviously forced nod as me, mum and Sean head back to the reception area, where my stepfather lets out a pained sigh.

“…I may be speaking out of turn,” I say after a brief but awkward silence, “but if Lily hates these meetings- which she obviously does, she’s been anxious for days- why make her come to them?”

“It- it’s not that simple,” Sean replies with another sigh. “When you’re a parent and you’re not with the mother- well, biological ‘other parent’, I suppose- things get kinda complicated. Getting custody of Lily was difficult enough even when it became clear that her mother wouldn’t be able to take care of her- custody never goes to the dad unless there’s a really good reason not to give it to the mum. I must’ve been lucky, heh.”

“So was Lily,” I say softly, earning a smile from both my parents. “And so was I when you met my mum.”

“Thanks, Laura,” Sean says, as we share an awkward but gentle hug. “And tonight I get the fun of my first ‘daughter brings a boy home’ several years earlier than expected, heh.”

“Yeah, yay,” I say sarcastically as mum and Sean have a good-natured chuckle at my expense, while I turn my attention to my phone- specifically, Facebook messenger, and more specifically the same boy I spent a lot of time talking to last night.

‘Hey you,’ I type with a ‘kissing’ emoji that’s almost immediately reciprocated.

‘Hey gorgeous,’ Will types, making my whole body tingle. ‘What u up to right now?’

‘At that thing for my sister that I told you about yesterday,’ I reply. ‘Just waiting now, might grab some lunch in a bit. Would ask if you wanted to meet up but we’re on the other side of London.’ My ‘sad’ emoji gets one in return from my new boyfriend.

‘Pity, though it is maybe early to show me off to your parents lol,’ Will types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that earns an ‘eye roll’ one from me even as I start to fidget uncomfortably in my chair.

‘Yeah, speaking of,’ I type. ‘My parents are already on my back asking to meet you.’ I send another ‘eye roll’ emoji before carefully choosing my next words. ‘You’re not doing anything tonight, are you?’

‘I am now,’ Will types with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘I mean, it’ll give me a chance to see you, won’t it?’

‘Good answer,’ I type with a ‘smug’ emoji, even as I feel my anxiety levels start to rise.

Fortunately, my new boyfriend is able to take my mind off of my anxiety, even from a distance of several miles away, and we remain chatting for the rest of our stay at the contact centre and the drive home. When we arrive home, however, I know that my role as ‘big sister’ takes precedence over ‘girlfriend’, so I shoot Will a message of ‘brb’ (followed by a ‘kissing’ emoji, of course) and follow Lily up to her bedroom, where I find her sprawled on her bed, moaning quietly.

“Hey,” I whisper as I let myself into her room. “You okay?”

“Meh,” Lily replies with a shrug. “It’s done now, I don’t have to worry about it for, like, months.”

“Well, that’s something, I guess,” I chuckle.

“We actually talked about you a bit,” Lily says, her voice quietly trailing off- she’s clearly in two minds as to whether or not to tell me this.

“Okay,” I say as I sit down next to Lily on her bed. “Given that the first she did when she saw me was misgender me, I’m not sure I want to hear more, but- if you want to talk, I’ll listen.”

“Yeah…” Lily grimaces. “Actually, the- the first thing I said to her was that it wasn’t fair for her to treat you like that.”

“Okay,” I say softly.

“So, she replied that it wasn’t fair for you to, well, present the way you do,” Lily continues. “I asked her who it wasn’t fair to, and she said it wasn’t fair to her, because it made her feel like less of a woman.”

“What?” I exclaim, frowning with confusion. “How, exactly?”

“God knows,” Lily shrugs. “So I said that you being a girl doesn’t make me feel any less a girl myself, and mum just said ‘it will’, like she’s SO certain I’m going to turn into her when I get older. So I said that this dress was a hand-me-down from you when you were younger.”

“Umm… but it isn’t, though,” I say. “I don’t think I’ve ever owned a dress like that…”

“I know,” Lily says with a smirk. “It shut her up, though. I figured if she’s going to be a bigot then I’m entitled to a small lie.”

“I guess,” I shrug. “As long as it just a ‘little’ one.”

“Like where you were yesterday?” Lily asks, making me squirm. “Michelle was really pissed off when she couldn’t reach you on the phone.”

“Yeah…” I say awkwardly, not retorting as I know my sister’s got a point. “So, umm… did your mother ask you if you had a boyfriend yet?”

“Nope,” Lily replies. “I think she thinks I’m not even going to look at boys until I’m sixteen. Which is another way she’s deluded, heh.”

“Boys OR girls?” I tease, giggling as Lily rolls her eyes.

“Boys only,” Lily replies. “The ones who aren’t all football obsessed morons, anyway.”

“Kinda casting a small net there,” I chuckle. “Though in saying that, Will does hate football. Most sport, actually.”

“I suppose there aren’t many boys who like music and dancing,” Lily chuckles. “Though my friend Sabrina is kinda seeing a boy from our ballet class.”

“Is that Nicole’s sister?” I ask, smiling as my sister nods. “That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah,” Lily muses. “And then there’s your- sorry, OUR macho jerk brother who’s dating an actual Angel, heh.”

“Well- true,” I chuckle. “Heh, it will NOT be fun introducing him to Will.”

“You really like Will, then?” Lily asks.

“Yeah,” I reply with a happy sigh. “I guess I kinda needed reminding that some boys AREN’T total scumbags, heh.”

“And it’s not just boys that suck sometimes,” Lily mumbles, before smiling as I lean in to give her a gentle hug, both of us survivors of 'parents' who don't deserve that title.

As he promised, Will dropped round later that afternoon and immediately made a positive first impression on mum and Sean- and Lily clearly found him easy on the eye too! Naturally, I insisted on ‘seeing him out’ when he left, which meant that we spent at least 3 minutes exploring each other’s mouths with our tongues, with Will taking the opportunity to gently 'explore' me with his hands- something I didn't dissuade, of course. All the while, though, I couldn’t help but think of what Will told me, that he’d heard that I didn’t like to be touched, and the more I think about it, the more I realise that it's not true- it's who's doing the 'touching' that's the most important thing. And at the back of mind all throughout today- and yesterday, for that matter- is the letter to Robert. How he is exactly the type of macho, ‘manly’ jerk Lily and I were criticising. How his idea of ‘manliness’ is toxic to the point of being almost cancerous. And how I know there is one line I know I MUST add to my letter to him- ‘I have a new boyfriend. He’s kind, sensitive and gentle with me. And a million times the man that you will ever be.’ And the more time I spend with him, the more time I want to spend with him- in every way that matters.

Despite our ‘eagerness’, though, Will and I decided to take it steady following our first ‘date’ at his aunt’s house. We saw each other regularly at college and after college, and always parted with a long, deep kiss, but even in private, we only slowly ‘progressed’ beyond that. We weren’t ‘physical’ in any way until after our eighth date, and we only made love for the first time five weeks to the day after our first ‘date’, at Will’s house, when we were home alone. And as with everything else about Will, that first 'taste' only made me want so, so much more from him.

And then, a couple of days later, the entire world turned upside down.