“No peeking!” Kayla admonishes me as I enter her bedroom.
“What, I’m not allowed to see my girlfriend naked?” I tease, smiling as Kayla giggles and tosses a ball of scrunched-up wrapping paper at me.
“I’M not naked,” Kayla retorts.
“D’aww,” I pout, earning another giggle.
“Your presents, on the other hand, are!” Kayla yells as she jumps off her bed and closes the door- though not before giving me a gentle kiss. I giggle as I leave my girlfriend be and return to the living room, though inside, my nerves are jangling for multiple reasons.
The presents that Kayla’s referring to aren’t for Christmas, or for my birthday (which was last month), but are instead for Valentine’s Day, which is tomorrow. No matter what she wraps up for me, though, it’ll pale in comparison to the one ‘gift’ I’ve wanted for what feels like forever- the gift of freedom. The freedom to tell the world that I love Kayla Ford, and that she loves me, and that we are a couple regardless of what anyone says. And god knows, with how big a public profile we have, there’ll be a lot of people who’ll have something to say. There’ll also be a lot of people who’ll have something to say about how long we’ve waited to go public with our relationship. Though it isn’t something I’m unprepared for- after all, there were thousands of people who had something to say about me being in an all-girl band, and they were far from unanimously positive.
Fortunately, over time, those dissenting voices have faded into insignificance, thanks in no small part to a very diligent social media team at Heavenly Talent. Sure, there are still some idiots, even some high-profile idiots like Graham Linehan, but they are very much in a minority. Over the almost four years that I’ve been a member of the band, I’ve been constantly supported by management, supported by friends and colleagues at Heavenly Talent (for the most part, anyway), supported by an ever-growing fan base (helped in no small part by our first ever live performances in America last year), supported by my family and, most of all, supported by my bandmates, especially Kayla. Which makes it all the more frustrating that our relationship is still a secret to the rest of the world.
Needless to say, Joshua coming out over Christmas has been a huge source of support and confidence for the two of us. Joshua has refused to give any follow-up interviews, preferring instead to help us with our impending coming-out in terms of advice and how to handle the media (something Joshua is an expert at). In theory, we should be ready for our big announcement tomorrow… And yet I feel just as unprepared as I was when I first kissed Kayla almost 18 months ago. And as much as I hate to say it, Kayla is the reason why.
She’s been to the same meetings with Joshua that I have, she’s read all the same advice I have and she knows as well as I do that for someone with as large a public profile as the two of us, the coming out needs to be perfect. And yet I’m the only one who’s done any work. I’m the only one who’s written down any ideas for how to word it, I’m the only one who’s shopped for decorations for the video (the one thing we have decided together is to hold the coming out on a live Instagram video) and from what I can tell, I’m the only one who’s put any thought into it whatsoever.
It’s not like Kayla’s had a lot on her plate, either- she isn’t doing this year’s Strictly Come Dancing tour, which traditionally takes place in January and February, the band isn’t booked on a tour either just in case Kayla did do the Strictly tour (these things need to be planned a long way in advance); Kayla even did most of the organisation for my birthday party last month.
Kayla insists she loves me, and is in love with me, and I have no reason to disbelieve her. Sure, she still hangs out with CJ from time to time, but that’s been happening less frequently since he’s been on the tour, and I still hang out with Troy, but obviously nothing’s ever going to happen there, and even the press have been featuring us and our ‘boyfriends’ less and less in recent days. Though that’ll probably change effective from Friday. I hope it will, anyway…
“Okay, done!” Kayla says, giggling as she skips out of her bedroom and to our sofa, giving me a gentle kiss as she plops down next to me.
“Cool!” I reply. “Can’t wait to see what you’ve got me, hehe! Are we- umm, going to open them first thing tomorrow or, you know, with our date?”
“I was thinking first thing,” Kayla replies. “You know, so we could, like, spend the whole day as our ‘date’?”
“Sounds good,” I reply. “I take it we are still eating here? ‘Cause you know, I’ve got this new dress, and-“
“Ahh, yes, yes, I know!” Kayla giggles, bringing a frown to my face that’s only soothed by another kiss. “Oh come on, you know I’m just as eager to see you in the dress as you obviously are to wear it!”
“Hehe!” I giggle as I think of the dress I bought weeks ago but have been saving especially for tomorrow night. “And, of course, you know, are we going to do the video- umm, before or after the date?”
“Meh, we- we can decide that tomorrow,” Kayla stutters, making me bite my lip as I try not to scream in frustration. “Speaking of presents, though, have you got Olivia’s present all wrapped up?”
“Yep, it’s in the kitchen,” I reply. Nice way to change the topic, I think to myself.
“Did Jamie say we should be there for 3?” Kayla asks.
“Umm, I think so,” I reply. “Gives us plenty of time, I guess. If we want to spend all afternoon at a 2-year old’s birthday party, heh.”
“Well, we said we’d be there for Jamie,” Kayla shrugs. “And Stuart, and Becca too- Olivia is her niece, after all.”
“True,” I muse. “I’m still looking forward to tomorrow far more than today, though!”
“Yeah,” Kayla chuckles, before an awkward silence suddenly fills the room. It seems like the closer we get to the big day, the tenser things are between us…
“K- Kayla…” I say hesitantly, biting my lip as I somehow makes things even MORE awkward. “About tomorrow…”
“We- we can talk about this later, after the party,” Kayla replies in an almost anxious voice, making me scream internally. “Mind if I put on the TV?”
“Go ahead,” I reply, leaning back in my seat with a sigh as my girlfriend browses through the channels. A part of me wants to tell Kayla that delaying the discussion is just going to make it all the more awkward when eventually have it, but I know that’ll just make things worse, even if I’m wondering whether or not ‘when we talk about it’ should become ‘IF we talk about it’ . I just wish I knew what Kayla was thinking right now, why things have changed since Christmas, when she was so determined, so single-minded about us coming out tomorrow...
We eventually leave the house just after half past two, both of us changing into something more fashionable but still appropriate for a kid’s party- Kayla wears a long-sleeved fuchsia coloured dress with a flared, pleated skirt, while I opt for a dark red knee-length pencil skirt paired with a black turtleneck- and, of course, a pair of knee-high boots. A short while later, the taxi drops us off outside the fancy London home of the Milton family, where we’re greeted with gentle hugs by the man of the house.
“Hey Stu!” I say with a grin that the young transman reciprocates. “How’s the birthday girl?”
“Bouncing off the ceiling with excitement and spoiled rotten,” Stuart replies with a chuckle and a grin of fatherly pride. “Come on through, we’re in the living room.” Kayla and I grin as we head through to the living room, which is already packed with people including Becca and Riley, Adeola and Marco, Charlotte Hartley, her husband and three children, Krystie Fullerton, her husband and daughter and two older couples that I recognise as being Stuart’s and Jamie’s parents. Taking pride of place in the room, of course, is the birthday girl, who’s sat in her mother’s lap and surrounded by a huge pile of presents.
“Hey Steph! Hay Kayla!” Jamie giggles as we find two spare seats and hand her our gift. “Look, Olivia, another present! What do you say to Auntie Stephanie and Auntie Kayla?”
“Tank you Auntie Stephie, tank you Auntie Kayla!” Olivia squeaks happily as she tears open the wrapping paper to reveal a pink Minnie Mouse dress.
“Thanks, you two,” Jamie says quietly, before reluctantly handing Olivia to one of her grandmothers and leading us into her kitchen. “Every other thing she's got today has been B-A-L-L-E-T related, it's her first lesson in Krystie's toddler class next Wednesday and, well, she's more than a little excited!"
"Yeah, I can sympathise there!" I say, sharing a knowing smile with my fellow transwoman.
"Oh- can I get you anything to drink?" Jamie asks. "We do have drinks other than fruit juice or fizzy pop, hehe!”
“Nah, fizzy pop sounds good for now,” Kayla chuckles.
“Ah- yeah, forgot you’re not much of a drinker,” Jamie chuckles. “Steph?”
“Soft drink will be fine for me too,” I shrug. I don’t want anything ‘inhibiting’ me when Kayla and I talk about tomorrow, after all. “So, when are you building the new house for Olivia’s presents?” I smirk as our host rolls her eyes before giggling.
“Don’t even joke about that!” Jamie replies. “I think my parents have spent more on her than we have! Though I can’t really blame them, she IS their only grandchild, and I’d be a bit bad complaining given that they have agreed to babysit her tomorrow as well. Well, I say ‘agreed’, I really mean ‘demanded’, hehe!”
“Yeah,” Kayla giggles. “Have you and Stuart got anything special planned for tomorrow?” Really? I think to myself as my tension levels start to rise again.
“We’ve got reservations at Le Gavroche,” Jamie replies with a smile. “How about you two?”
“We- we’re eating at home,” I reply. That much we have at least discussed…
“And about, well, you know…?” Jamie asks delicately.
“Umm, we- we’re- we’re still discussing that,” Kayla replies as I internally scream yet again. Discussing it is precisely what we HAVEN’T been doing, though as much as I want to confront Kayla about her lie, this really isn’t the time or the place.
“Well- anything you need, you know where I am,” Jamie says with a warm smile that I mirror. It’s telling that I can talk more freely about this to Jamie, someone who I hated for a long time, than I can to the woman I love.
“Thanks,” I say, before taking my drink and following Jamie and Kayla back to the living room, where yet more people have arrived. “We can get out of your hair, give you more room if it gets a bit crowded?”
“Nah, you’re fine for now,” Jamie replies, taking charge of Olivia again and helping her open the gift from the newly arrived Nikki and Sarah, who come and sit with us once Olivia has opened her present.
“Hey you two!” Nikki giggles as her wife cuddles into her side- something, it should be pointed out, that neither Kayla nor I are currently doing.
“Hey ‘Snikki’,” I reply, earning eye rolls from both girls.
“Hey ‘Stayla’,” Sarah retorts, before chuckling tiredly.
“Long day?” I ask the brown-haired girl, who sighs in response.
“The course is a bit harder work than I was expecting,” Sarah replies. “I mean, I get that, it’s a Masters rather than an undergrad degree, but still- yeah. Still, I can’t complain, I am doing what I love, after all.”
“Well, take it from someone who owns several of your dresses,” I say, “we love that you love what you do, hehe!”
“Always happy to be of service,” Sarah giggles.
“Any news on whether or not ‘Heavenly Talent Fashion’ will be a thing once you’ve graduated?” Kayla asks. “You know Joshua, Jamie or any of the Angels will give you, like, a Lord Sugar or Dragon’s Den-style investment to get you started?”
“You can include us in that list too,” I say, with Kayla nodding in agreement.
“It- it wouldn’t feel right without Lauren or Ophelia,” Sarah replies. “Tempting as it is! We all want to get some experience before, you know, going it alone.”
“Though Sarah is still selling some items to independent stores like Denise Du Pont's,” Nikki says.
"I do love that shop," I say with a chuckle.
“I take it you won’t be working hard tomorrow, though?” Kayla asks with a giggle as I yet again scream internally.
“Ehh… V-Day hasn’t traditionally been great for us,” Nikki replies.
“Nine times out of ten, I’m ill,” Sarah explains. "Hell, one year I even had my wisdom teeth out on Valentine's Day itself."
“And when she's not ill, I’m doing community service, heh,” Nikki sighs. “So we’re probably going to stay inside, watch Netflix…”
“Like an old married couple,” Sarah giggles as she links her fingers with her wife’s in a way that’s clearly special for them. “Besides, I get to spoil Nikki rotten in a few weeks’ time anyway.”
“Yeah you do,” Nikki giggles as she exchanges a gentle kiss with her wife, while I can’t help but fidget. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable about them being married, or even in love- I’d be a hypocrite if I was, given that I was a bridesmaid at their wedding- but it’s frustrating that they can openly express their love, while Kayla and I can’t even when surrounded by so many friends, all because a few of the people in the room don’t know about us yet. Even though all of those people are well over fifty and as such, not exactly our target demographic…
“Of course, we know that you guys- well,” Nikki giggles. “You’re probably going to have a bigger V-Day than anyone here, hehe!”
“Yep!” I say, though a quick glance at Kayla for confirmation reveals a look of near panic in her eyes…
“Well, we’d better not stick around too long,” Sarah says. “I’ve got work to do, Nikki’s got work to do for tomorrow as well.”
“Off to Manchester tomorrow,” Nikki explains. “Malaika and Hannah have a live TV segment, something about being the only single Angels on Valentine’s Day, that sort of thing.”
“Yep, think they offered that to us first,” I reply, trying my hardest not to fidget. “Turned it down for obvious reasons, heh.”
“And not CJ or Troy, before you ask anything,” Kayla says with a nervous chuckle.
“Like we would,” Nikki giggles, before standing up. “Ehh, we really had better get going now, but if you need to talk tomorrow-“
“We- we know, thanks,” I say with a smile as Kayla and I bid farewell to ‘Snikki’ with gentle hugs.
“…Think we’d better get going too,” Kayla says. "Think we're taking up space, how packed it is in here..."
“Yeah,” I whisper as I follow Kayla, giving Jamie, Stuart and especially Olivia a hug each on our way out of the house, where we’re just in time to catch our friends before they drive away.
“Hey you two!” Sarah says from the passenger seat of Nikki’s car. “Long time no see, hehe! Need a lift home?”
“Please,” I reply, smiling as Kayla and I elegantly slide onto the back seat of the car. “One of us really needs to get on and learn how to drive, heh.”
“Can your dad not give you lessons?” Nikki asks.
“It’s tough finding time when we’re both available,” I reply. “Though it might be fun to learn in his ambulance, heh. He is planning on retiring later this year, though, as he is sixty in a few months.”
“Got a big party planned for that?” Nikki asks.
“Retirement or birthday?” I reply. “Either way, it’ll probably just a small, family thing. And given that it’s in July, it’ll probably clash with AngelCon anyway.”
“Now THAT is a party I’m looking forward to!” Sarah giggles. “It’s Lauren’s wedding the previous month too, so we’ve kinda got a busy summer coming up, hehe! Which is for the best as I’ll probably be working all of next summer, heh.”
“When we’re not in Rome for AngelCon 2020, anyway!” Nikki giggles. “Cyprus this year- for the wedding- then Italy next year… I’m definitely enjoying having my passport back, hehe!”
“And America?” Kayla asks. “I saw the photos from your trip to Florida, that looked SO amazing.”
“It was,” Sarah replies. “Jenny’s grandmother’s place is huge, even in Florida, so we’re definitely thinking of making it a New Year tradition.”
“Though Jexy will be over in July anyway, for AngelCon,” Nikki explains. “We’re planning a few double dates in some of the fancier restaurants in the city- maybe the six of us could join up for a triple date?”
“Umm- well, maybe…” Kayla mumbles in reply. “If- if Alexa and Jenny don’t mind…”
“Hah!” Sarah chuckles. “They’d probably insist on paying for it.”
“They were seriously gutted that you two couldn’t make it to Thanksgiving dinner last year,” Nikki said.
“Yeah, I remember them saying at AngelCon,” I reply as I feel my girlfriend getting tenser and tenser. “We’ve kinda got an implied open invitation whenever we’re in America, heh.”
“I think everyone involved with Heavenly talent has,” Sarah chuckles. “Ah, but July- July’s going to be the really exciting time, hehe!”
“For you, maybe,” Kayla retorts. “We’ll probably be working the whole time, whether that’s singing at AngelCon, or recording the next album…”
“Well- you’ll get SOME free time, at least,” Nikki shrugs. “And by then, you’ll definitely be free to spend it together as much as you want!”
“Yep!” Kayla replies with a nervous giggle as we approach our home.
Once we’re back in our flat, I waste no time in removing my boots and my jewellery, before tying my long brown hair back into a tight ponytail and crashing on the sofa while Kayla heads to the bathroom. I switch on the TV and lazily flick through the channels as I wait for Kayla to emerge so that I can use the toilet, but five minutes pass without her emerging, then ten...
“K- Kayla?” I ask, gently knocking on the bathroom door. “Are you alright in there?”
“Yes,” Kayla replies, though I can instantly tell she’s lying- her voice, usually so strong and loud, is weak and feeble, and it’s obvious that she’s either crying now or has only just stopped.
“Kayla, come on,” I say softly.
“I’ll be done in a minute, just cross your legs,” Kayla replies.
“I don’t- I don’t mean THAT,” I say. “Something’s wrong, I- I want to help. Let me help, Kayla, please?” I bite my lip as the door opens and Kayla emerges, her face streaked with tears and mascara. Neither of us need to exchange words as she slowly falls into my arms and I gently lower both of us to the floor as she weeps yet again.
“I’m sorry,” Kayla blubs, making me sigh. Is the thought of being public with me THAT upsetting?
“N- no, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I coo soothingly.
“I- I’m just so- so scared,” Kayla quivers. “Terrified. Like, I- I can't even move kind of terrified. Of tomorrow. Of what might go wrong, of what people might say, I- I-“ I bite my lip and embrace Kayla as she once again breaks down- it had never even occurred to me that she might be THIS stressed out about it…
“It’s okay,” I repeat, before taking a long, deep breath. I really don’t want to say what I have to say next… “If- if you want to postpone tomorrow-“
“No,” Kayla says firmly. “I- I want to do this. I NEED to do this. I- we can’t keep going on like this, Steph, you’ve said that yourself loads of times.”
“I know,” I whisper in reply. “But-“
“No buts,” Kayla says, taking several unsteady breaths to calm herself. “It- it wouldn’t be fair to you, to keep this-“
“Don’t- don’t worry about me,” I sigh. “Kayla, I- I had no idea you were so stressed about this…”
“It’s okay,” Kayla whispers.
“No- no, it isn’t,” I say. “I’m your girlfriend. I LOVE you. I should- you should be able to talk to me about anything, especially this…”
“You mean like you’ve been trying to do all month?” Kayla sighs. “And I’ve just been brushing you off, trying to change the subject… Ugh, I dunno, I- I just thought that if I ignored it, maybe it’d go away…”
“Yep, well, I can tell you how well that works,” I say, earning another sigh from my girlfriend.
“I know,” Kayla moans. “And- and believe me when I say I’m not just worried about, you know, losing fans…”
“I know,” I reply.
“I just- ugh,” Kayla spits. “Don’t you ever get sick of, you know, having to watch every little thing you do in public?” I bite my lip as Kayla blushes and grimaces as she realises what she’s just said- and who she’s said it to. “Never mind…”
“No- no, just because I’ve had it hard, it doesn’t mean that your struggle is nothing,” I say. “But it does get easier for me. The first few months I was in the band… Sure. Keeping ‘Steve’ under wraps was a struggle, and I don’t just mean- well, physically ‘under wraps’.”
“Heh,” Kayla chuckles. “You know, I- I never saw that, your struggle? You’ve always been- well, like you’ve been a girl your whole life.”
“In many ways- the important ways- I have,” I reply. “But the last few years, it- it’s just been easier. Not because of the oestrogen, but- but because of you, and the other girls- not just Becca and Adeola, but everyone. I can actually, you know, find out who the ‘real me’ is. And it turns out that the ‘real me’ is gorgeous and girly.”
“Hell yeah she is!” Kayla giggles. “Ugh, what does that say about the ‘real me’, then?”
“…That despite the fame and fortune, all you want is to be loved?” I ask.
“Doesn’t everyone?” Kayla asks, before sighing and picking herself off the floor. “Though the fame and fortune ARE nice, heh.”
“Not when they’re stressing you out like this,” I reply. “Take it from someone with, like, four years of experience.”
“Yeah, I have the same amount of experience too?” Kayla reminds me. “Ugh, I dunno. Maybe I was too young when I joined the band, I dunno. How many seventeen-year olds do you know who are ready to be thrust into the public eye?”
“…Well, I know you,” I reply. “And it’s not like I was any more mature at nineteen. Heh, wonder how many kids would be so desperate to be rich and famous if they knew about the stress that came with it?”
“Still most of them, I’d bet,” Kayla sighs. “Look at all these kids on YouTube and Instagram, for starters.”
“True,” I sigh. “But even there, just one mistake…”
“Yep,” Kayla sighs. “So, are- are you saying that our relationship is- is a mist-“
“Oh- god no,” I interrupt. “But still, you know, maybe things would be easier if we- we weren’t, umm…”
“Not for me, they wouldn’t,” Kayla says softly.
“Me either,” I whisper, exchanging a kiss with my girlfriend. “…Okay, now I really DO need the loo.”
“Now THAT I didn’t need to know!” Kayla giggles as I head into the bathroom. “Are you still okay to talk in there?” I can’t help but roll my eyes as I shut the door behind me- she could’ve chosen a more convenient time…
“Sure,” I reply.
“About this video we’re going to do,” Kayla says. “I- I think we should do it tonight. You know, pre-record it instead of putting it out live, tomorrow. That way we can, you know, have tomorrow to ourselves?”
“Sounds like a good idea,” I say. “So… What, we put it out, then go off-grid for the rest of the day, check out the responses on Friday? ‘Cause you know that’s going to be a hell of a temptation…”
“I know,” Kayla sighs. “And we’ll be busy as hell for the following week. But- you know, that’s why we need a day to ourselves, right?”
“Couldn’t agree more,” I say, before rearranging my clothes, washing my hands and heading with Kayla back to the living room. “Should- should we record it now? I mean, while it’s at the front of our minds, we know what we want to say, can get it over-“
“Great idea,” Kayla says with a grin. “I’m just going to fix my make-up, do you want to set up your phone on that tripod thing you got for your birthday?”
“Sure,” I reply, setting up my phone to record before repairing my own make-up- which was, in fairness, considerably less trashed than my girlfriend’s.
Later that night, Kayla and I go to sleep in separate beds, though that’s mostly because neither of us are likely to get any sleep ahead of tomorrow- and, ironically, because neither of us wants to keep the other awake. Despite having no work the following day, I’m still woken up early by my phone- but by an incoming call, rather than my usual alarm. A glance at the caller ID makes me sigh- it’s a call I was expecting…
“Hi Lisa,” I say into the phone as I answer it.
“Hi Steph,” Lisa- Joshua Benedict's personal assistant- replies. “Joshua’s just come into the office and is asking if you and Kayla can be there for 9?” No prizes for guessing why, I think to myself.
“Sure,” I sigh, swinging my legs out of my warm bed and padding across the hall to my girlfriend’s room. “I’ll let her know.” I end the call with a sigh and knock on Kayla’s door, sighing as I hear an angry moan from the other side.
“What is it, Steph?” Kayla grunts, having clearly been woken by my knocking.
“JB,” I reply. “Wants us in the office for 9. No prizes for guessing why, right?”
“…Yeah,” Kayla sighs. “Do you want the bathroom first?”
“Nah, you can have it,” I reply. “I want to check the video one last time…”
“Okay,” Kayla says, emerging from her bedroom and giving me a kiss en route to the bathroom, while I head to the living room and open up the video we recorded and I spent what felt like an eternity editing last night.
“Hi everyone!” Kayla and I say from the screen with happy smiles on our face.
“We hope that you’re all having a great Valentine’s Day,” Kayla says, “whether you’re spending it with loved ones, or even if you’re single, that you’re still able to enjoy today.”
“We wanted to speak to you today as we have an announcement to make,” I say. “For the last sixteen months, Kayla and I have been in a relationship with each other.”
“We are in love,” Kayla explains as we link fingers together. “Stephanie is my girlfriend, and I am hers. We’ve been together continuously since October 2017, ever since the end of the tour. Only a few people are aware- Becca and Adeola, our families and a few friends, but we felt that today was the perfect day to announce our love to the world.”
“We wanted to tell everyone earlier,” I explain, “but a lot of things got in the way- work, Kayla’s appearance on Strictly…”
“We didn’t mean to deceive anyone,” Kayla says. “We wanted to be sure that the relationship was what we wanted before announcing it to the world.”
“And we are sure,” I say. “Very sure. Kayla and I are happy together, and we both sincerely hope that all of you will find the happiness that we have.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone,” Kayla whispers, the video ending shortly afterwards with the two of us exchanging a kiss before waving at the camera.
As with the last few times I’ve watched it, I can’t help but feel that the video is a little anticlimactic. All those months of worrying and stress, and it’s over in just a few minutes? It doesn’t seem right somehow. And yet, consciously, I know that this is how it has to be. We need to get the message across in a short, succinct way that doesn’t overwhelm our fans, but answers all the important questions and gets our main point across- that Kayla and I are in love, and that’s all that matters.
Once Kayla is finished in the bathroom, I head in to shower and do my make-up, before heading to my bedroom and picking out a smart suit to wear to the office, a dark blue suit with a close-fitting knee length pencil skirt. And because it's a private meeting, I eschew my usual boots in favour of a pair of smart stiletto pumps. Our taxi arrives a short while later, and within minutes we’re striding into the main reception area of Heavenly Talent.
“Hey girls,” Jonathan- the office manager- says with a smile. “Uncle Joshua’s just got in, give it a couple of minutes, then you can head up.”
“Thanks,” I reply with a smile. “You and Viks got much planned for tonight, then?”
“Just a romantic meal at home,” Jonathan replies with a smile. “Though Uncle Joshua is babysitting for the night, heh.”
“Good man,” Kayla chuckles. “Is- how is he doing? I mean, this is his first V-Day since coming out, right?”
“Yeah,” Jonathan whispers. “He’s doing okay. Him and Auntie Judith- well, the arrangement they had hasn’t really changed, it’s just, you know, no need to keep it secret anymore, you know?”
“Oh- yeah, we know,” I say, earning a sympathetic smile from the tall, dark-skinned man. Before he can speak again, though, our conversation is interrupted by a loud noise that all three of us know is coming, but which startles us nonetheless.
“Stephanie! Kayla!” Joshua booms from the top of the stairs. “Come on up!” Kayla and I smile as we (despite our tight skirts) climb the stairs to Joshua’s office, where we sit down in front of his desk.
“I don’t need to ask why we’ve been brought in, do I?” I ask.
“Indeed you do not,” Joshua replies in a quiet, sensitive voice. “Several months ago you told me that you intended to go public with your relationship on today, February 14th. When we last saw each other at the start of the month you informed me that those plans had not changed. Well- today has finally arrived. Have your plans changed?” I bite my lip as I consider my response- Joshua's clearly concerned that either I or Kayla will back out of this, otherwise he wouldn't have asked us here and asked us that question first. Before I can reply, though, Kayla speaks up- instantly turning my grimace into a smile.
“Plans have not changed,” Kayla states firmly. “I was the one who said we should do it today, that hasn’t changed.”
“Good,” Joshua says.
“Though I- I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had second thoughts,” Kayla confesses. “Especially yesterday, I- ugh…” I bite my lip again as I see tears starting to form in my girlfriend’s eyes.
“I do not need to know,” Joshua says with a wave of his hand. “If it was in the privacy of your home, I do not need to know how you reached a decision, only that you HAVE reached it.”
“I- I’m really, really scared about this,” Kayla whispers. “About the whole thing, about how people will react, if-“
“It is understandable,” Joshua says soothingly, holding up his hand to stop my girlfriend from babbling. “I was scared too, and I would be lying if I said it has been an easy road since I came out. But now everything is out in the open. I do not need to be scared anymore, and neither will you. Understand that no matter what people say, you will have the full support of everyone at this agency. EVERYONE. Our PR team, our social media team, everyone stands ready to defend you once the cat is out of the bag. Do you have any idea what you intend to say yet, in your Instagram video?”
“We actually recorded it last night,” I reply, taking my phone out of my bag. “Would you like to see it?”
“Please,” Joshua says, smiling as I open the video on my phone and hand it to him. Once the video is finished, he nods and smiles warmly. “I think you have said everything you need to. You have emphasised the love, which is the important thing, especially today of all days.”
“Thanks,” I whisper.
“When are you planning on uploading it?” Joshua asks.
“I dunno, lunchtime, maybe,” I reply.
“Then we’re just going to go offline for the rest of the day,” Kayla says. “Pick it up tomorrow, check the responses then.”
“I’m sure that’s what you think will happen,” Joshua says with a soft chuckle. “But believe me when I say that the temptation will be too great. And if you need anything, I shall be here all day.”
“Thanks,” Kayla says softly.
“I shall let you have the rest of the day,” Joshua says with a gentle smile. "I have a lot of people to see today, but I will still be available if you need me. Enjoy your evening!”
“Thank you,” I say as we get up to leave the office. “Are- are you okay, Joshua? I mean, your first Valentine’s Day since, well…”
“My wife has known all along, it will be no different to all the previous ones,” Joshua replies. “Just as Valentine’s Day next year shall be no different for you.”
“…Thanks,” I say as I take my girlfriend’s hand and head out of the office. As I leave, I can’t help but muse on how Joshua was as bombastic as ever, but there was something else about him- an openness, as though his coming out has lifted a great weight from his shoulders. A quick glance at Kayla, though, reveals that she is just as nervous- scared, even, as she was yesterday. Hopefully, she’ll find the peace Joshua has when we release the video- I know if I see her as distressed as she was yesterday, my heart will shatter...
Before we leave the office, we almost literally run into a familiar pair of faces at the top of the stairs- faces that are displaying looks of genuine concern for the two of us.
"Hey, you two," Becca says as she and her best friend greet us with gentle hugs. "Guessing you were just speaking to the boss?"
"Safe guess," I reply with a smirk. "I’m guessing you're both up next?"
"How can you tell?" Adeola asks with a sarcastic snort of laughter as she gestures to her elegant black suit. "Should be well pissed off at you for dragging us out of bed this early on V-Day, but under the circumstances, I think I can let you off, heh."
"Definitely," Becca says. "Oh- about the 'letting you off' thing, not the 'pissed off' thing."
"I figured," Kayla says as I nod, a friendly smile spreading across my face. "Know what JB's going to say to you?"
"Well, we'll find out in a bit!" Adeola chuckles. "No doubt it's about you two though, and again, I don't mean that in a bad way, but- yeah. When that video drops, you two are going to be, like, headline news."
"Meaning we're going to be really busy as well the next few weeks," Becca says.
"Sorry about that," I chuckle.
"Wha- are you kidding?" Becca giggles. "Do you know how much publicity you're going to generate for the band?"
"If they even remember us two are in the band," Adeola chuckles. "I'm kidding, really!"
"It's okay," Kayla giggles. "If they forget, me and Steph will remind them, hehe!"
"I know you will," Becca says with a smile. "And we're not just concerned about the publicity, honestly. We genuinely want the two of you to be happy."
"Seriously happy," Adeola says. "And hey, who knows? Maybe this time next year, all four of us will be wearing one of these?" I giggle nervously as Adeola shows off the sparkling ring on her left hand, though a glance at Kayla reveals she's practically hyperventilating.
"One- one thing at a time," my girlfriend says, before giggling as our manager appears at the entrance to his office.
"We'll let you get to it, then," I say, bidding farewell to our bandmates with hugs before heading downstairs with Kayla- who looks more terrified than ever...
A taxi arrives to whisk us home a short while later, and we both let out sighs of relief once we’re back in the safety of our Notting Hill flat.
“Well, that was worth getting dressed up for a ten-minute meeting,” I chuckle as I remove my shoes and my suit jacket.
“Stephanie Abbott complaining about having to dress up?” Kayla teases, giving me a kiss en route to her bedroom.
“Oh, there’ll be plenty of dress-up coming later tonight, hehe!” I giggle as I head into my bedroom. “Maybe not just yet, though.” I smile as I exchange my fitted skirt suit for a comfortable white long-sleeved bodysuit and a casual black pinafore dress.
“Glad to hear it,” Kayla replies as she emerges from her bedroom dressed in a pink hoodie and a pair of warm-looking leggings. “So… Shall we- shall we do it, then?”
“I think it’s time,” I say, taking a deep breath and brushing my long brown hair out of my face before heading back to the sofa, phone in hand. “I’ll send the video to you, then we both upload it at the same time, okay?”
“Okay,” Kayla replies with a nod as we wait for the video to transfer over our Wi-Fi. Once that’s done, we both upload the video to our Instagram pages with a simple message attached- the phrase ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’, the hashtag #loveislove and a rainbow flag emoji.
“…Right, well, that’s done, then,” I say as I set my phone down and take several deep breaths. “Are you okay?”
“…Yeah, I- I kinda am actually,” Kayla says leaning back onto the sofa looking deflated. “I mean, I- all this tension, all this worry, and it- it’s now done. No going back, no putting the genie back in the bottle, heh.”
“Yep,” I say, before biting my lip as my phone buzzes.
“Didn’t you turn notifications off for Instagram?” Kayla asks. “I forgot to do that when I got my new phone and drained the battery in about an hour, heh.”
“I may- may have left it on for comments on this post,” I mumble, earning a scowl from my girlfriend. “I know, I know, and I heard what Joshua says, but…”
“Well- okay,” Kayla says as I unlock my phone and read the comment. Even though it’s just three words long, it still brings tears to my eyes and a sinking feeling to my stomach. “…Well? What does it say?” Kayla’s scowl fades as she sees the tears forming in the corners of my eyes and I show her the comment.
“‘Girl’ friend. Sure,” Kayla reads aloud, before grimacing as I throw my phone hard onto a cushion and let out a groan of pure anger.
“God’s sake!” I shriek. “The first comment! Seriously! Why- why are they even following my Instagram anyway, if that’s all they want to say?”
“It- I’m sure those comments will be in the minority,” Kayla coos, trying to calm me down. “And- and Joshua did say- ugh, you know.”
“Ugh, yes, I know,” I grunt as my phone buzzes again.
“Are- are you going to read that?” Kayla asks. “I mean, chances are you not going to get two negative- well, umm, yeah…” I frown, before unlocking my phone and rolling my eyes at the second comment. “What does it say?”
“It’s someone calling the first commenter a twat,” I reply. Normally I have a zero-tolerance approach to people abusing each other in my comments section, but under these circumstances, I’m almost tempted to let it slide. “Perfect. I use the hashtag ‘love is love’ on Valentine’s Day and my Instagram turns into a warzone.”
“I’m sure these are just, you know, blips,” Kayla says, before groaning and opening up her own phone. “…Or not.”
“What- what does it say?” I ask.
“Top comment is from someone complaining that we used the rainbow flag emoji,” Kayla sighs. “States I don’t deserve to call myself a lesbian as I’m not with a ‘real woman’.”
“Fuck’s sake!” I moan, before tucking my knees to my chest and burying my face in them.
“Someone replied to that comment calling them a TERF,” Kayla continues. “And the original commenter hit back that calling her a TERF is erasing the identity of ‘real’ lesbians.”
“But it’s okay for my identity to be erased?” I snort.
“…I’m going to type exactly that,” Kayla says, prompting me to reach out and grab her arm.
“D- don’t,” I say. “We- we should just erase the video. You know, it’s only been up a few minutes, hardly anyone’s seen it, we- we CAN put this genie back in the bottle, you know?” I bite my lip as Kayla seems to seriously consider my suggestion, before sighing as she shakes her head.
“…No,” Kayla says. “We- we should keep the video up, ride this out.”
“Are- are you sure?” I ask. I certainly wouldn't have predicted that reaction... “I- I mean, you were worried, and everything you worried about is-“
“I’m sure,” Kayla says. “Love IS love. These morons need to be educated, and we’ve got millions of fans who I’m sure are willing to be teachers, we- we just need to give them some time…”
“I- umm…” I say as a question pops into my head, a question I really don’t want to ask but know I can’t not. “Kayla, do- do you, umm, do you, you know, consider yourself to- to be a lesbian?”
“I’m in a relationship with you, and you’re unquestionably, 100% a woman,” Kayla replies, making me smile and cry tears of happiness. “So- maybe bisexual, I don’t know. Is anyone truly 100% hetero or homosexual? Sarah told me that she thought of herself as ‘Nikkisexual’, she’s only ever been in love with, or even fancied Nikki, no one else. Apparently, the term for that is ‘demisexual’. Jenny’s said the same thing about Alexa, though she has had boyfriends in the past, like me, and-“
“W- wait,” I say. “You’ve talked to Sarah and Jenny about this?”
“Umm, yeah…” Kayla says as she blushes. “Quite a lot, actually, I- I kinda needed, you know, some advice, heh… Steph, I AM serious about this relationship. Believe me when I say that I. Love. You. And I want to make this work. No matter what a bunch of transphobic morons think.”
“…I love you too,” I whisper as I exchange a kiss with my girlfriend, but even this doesn’t relieve my tension over the situation. “No matter what happens, we still have each other, right? And that’s the most important thing.”
“Yeah,” Kayla says, before sighing and reopening her phone. “…getting a lot more rainbow heart emojis now, heh.”
“Same here,” I say, checking my phone. “Heh, Tanya’s commented- you know, Tanya, from the Irish Angels?”
“Yep,” Kayla replies. “What has she said?”
“Just a rainbow heart emoji, same as everyone else,” I chuckle, before an idea pops into my head. “I’m going to edit the message I put at the top of the post.”
“What- what are you going to type?” Kayla asks, picking up her phone and opening up her post.
“Thanks to everyone who’s shown their support,” I say as I type. “To the vast minority of you who have been critical, all I can say is that love truly is love. I truly love Kayla, and nothing you can say or do will ever stop that. To anyone replying to critical or abusive comments, please don’t stoop to their level. Simply reply to them with the rainbow heart emoji or any other supportive message, and they’ll soon get the message. The only way to defeat hate is to drown it out with love.”
“Perfect,” Kayla says as she finishes typing her own message. “I’ve typed the exact same thing, is that okay?”
“Of course it is!” I giggle. “Ahh… I’m actually starting to feel a little better, you know?”
“I can tell,” Kayla says with a smile, before letting out a sigh. “But this is the calm before the storm, you know? Right now it’s just on our Instagram pages, a few hours, it’ll be all over the internet…”
“I know,” I sigh. “But- but I just want to enjoy today, you know? Have you all to myself, before sharing you with the rest of the world…”
“I feel the same,” Kayla sighs. “No doubt Jonathan or someone will call soon, telling us we’re going to be on every TV show imaginable over the next few days…”
“Ugh, yeah…” I say, before an idea springs to mind. “Hey, why- why don’t we have our Valentine’s date now? Like, as in right now?”
“Umm, because it’s not even 11am yet?” Kayla replies.
“So what?” I shrug. “We weren’t going out anywhere this evening, and like you said, our phones will be ringing off the hook in a few hours… Let- let’s just have this time to ourselves. Forget about work, social media, everything- let’s just be ‘Stayla’ for a few hours, while we still can.”
“A lunchtime date?” Kayla asks, before grinning. “…I like it. Though I still want to see that new dress of yours, hehe!”
“Oh, trust me, you will!” I giggle, exchanging a long kiss with my girlfriend before returning to my bedroom to get ready.
Just over 30 minutes later, I emerge from my bedroom feeling sexier than I ever have done in my whole life- even sexier than the many times I've been on stage. My dress may not be as skimpy as some of the costumes I've worn, but it still shows off my body- it's jet black, extremely form-fitting, has a strapless princess neckline and a skirt that stops four inches above my knee. Matching sandals with a 4-inch heel and a bright red sole help make my legs seem longer than ever. I have my best jewellery on- my expensive diamond bracelet, my favourite pearl earrings and the dainty heart necklace Kayla gave me for my birthday last month. My face is covered in expertly applied expensive make-up, including dark eyeshadow, thick eyeliner, false eyelashes and blood red lipstick, and my body is coated in a fine sheen of my favourite Chanel perfume.
Sure, it feels a little bit silly to get so dressed up when we’re going a whopping fifteen feet to our kitchen, and as Kayla said, it also feels a bit silly to get this glammed up when it’s not even noon yet, but this is our time, and I want it to be as special as possible. And judging by the look on Kayla’s face when she emerges from her room, my effort will not be wasted.
“Wow,” Kayla breathes as she takes in my full appearance. “You- you look amazing.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as I give my girlfriend a gentle kiss. “You look beautiful too.” Kayla smiles as she does a turn to show off her dress- it's not as form-fitting as mine, but is shorter and has a plunging neckline, and when combined with her hair, which has been tied into a fancy updo, and her shoes, which have a 4.5" platform heel, she looks a lot older and taller than usual- and it's a look that definitely suits her.
“Shall we?” Kayla asks as she links her fingers with mine.
“We shall,” I say as we slowly stroll toward the kitchen table, which we’d earlier laid with a pristine white tablecloth, our best cutlery and even a few fake menus we'd printed off the internet, just to complete the 'restaurant' look..
Even though our meal has come from a microwave instead of a Michelin starred kitchen (neither of us wanted to get cooking smells on our clothes or on our hair) and the room is lit by daylight instead of candlelight, we’re still able to enjoy our romantic meal alone, able to pretend that the world outside has ceased to exist for the duration of the date. Once we've finished our main courses, we take turns feeding each other the fancy caramel mousse we'd bought for dessert, and before long, our mouths meet and we head to the bedroom, our meal almost immediately forgotten...
“…Never knew I’d enjoy early afternoon sex so much, heh!” Kayla chuckles as I cuddle my sheets around our sweat-slick bodies. “Though before you say anything, yes, sex with you would be good any time, heh.”
“Ditto,” I say, making Kayla giggle. “We should have more dates like that.”
“Totally,” Kayla agrees. “Though I’d much rather get dressed up and head out with you somewhere, now that nothing’s stopping us. And before you say anything, yes, the only thing that was stopping us before was, well, us.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle, before smiling and clearing my throat. “Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart…” Kayla giggles as she immediately catches on to what I’m singing, and why I’m singing it.
“And we can build this thing together,” we sing, our voices in perfect harmony. “Standing strong forever, nothing’s gonna stop us now, and if this world runs out of lovers, we’ll still have each other, nothing’s gonna stop us, nothing’s gonna stop us now…” I giggle as I exchange a kiss with my girlfriend, before we each let out a long sigh- as fun as it's been, the world outside our flat does exist, and we can't ignore it forever.
After the sexiness and elegance of my date dress, it feels almost like a letdown to change back into the bodysuit and pinafore dress I was wearing earlier, and I have to remind myself that four years ago, being able to wear these clothes was a rare treat, something to be savoured as I didn’t know when I’d next get this opportunity. Today, however, my soft, smooth skin, narrow waist and widened hips, not to mention my soft B cup breasts, make me unquestionably a woman 100% of the time- and even if they don't, I have a certificate from the British government confirming as a legal fact that I am a woman. However, as I’m reminded when I see my phone on the coffee table, even this isn’t enough for some people…
“We should probably plug the phone back in,” Kayla sighs. “And switch our mobiles back on.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Though I- I just don’t care what any morons or TERFs have to say.”
“Same thing, surely?” Kayla asks as she switches her phone back on. “I just want to see if Joshua’s tried calling us, or emailed us, or whatever.”
“Good idea,” I say, switching my phone back on and being immediately bombarded by hundreds of notifications from my Instagram post- almost all of which are the ‘rainbow heart’ emoji.
“…Good comments?” Kayla asks nervously. “Any more morons?”
“I’m sure there are a few buried in here somewhere,” I snort. “But that’s what they are- buried. Out of sight, out of mind, irrelevant.”
“Damn right,” Kayla chuckles, before sitting down on the sofa and gesturing for me to join her. “I’d bet something else is buried on your phone- got a voicemail from Jonathan.” I smile as Kayla places her phone on the coffee table and activates the speakerphone.
“Hi Kayla,” the young voice of Jonathan Benedict says. “Think you can guess why I’m calling- we’ve had a lot of interest in your video- Steph’s too, obviously- and we gonna need you to come in so we can go over who you’re gonna do interviews with. Give us a call back when you can- we’ll work around you. As you can imagine, though, this is now top priority for the agency.”
“…Okay then,” I say. “Just a bit of interest, heh!”
“Yeah,” Kayla chuckles. “Good job I didn’t put my suit in the wash, heh.”
“So much for having the rest of the day to ourselves,” I snort.
“Well…” Kayla says with a wicked grin. “I could always claim that I didn’t get the voicemail until tomorrow?” I can’t help but giggle at Kayla’s deception- six months ago, the idea of her turning down a media appearance would’ve been unthinkable…
“…Nah, we’d better go in,” I say.
“You just want to wear that cute suit again,” Kayla teases, making me blush as she calls Jonathan back.
“Hi Kayla!” Jonathan’s voice comes live from Kayla’s phone as it lays on our coffee table. “You got my message then?”
“Yep!” Kayla replies. “So did Steph, she’s sat next to me right now.”
“I bet she is!” Jonathan chuckles.
“BOY,” we both respond, making the young man laugh even more.
“Like I said in my message, we’ll work around you, so come down whenever’s convenient for you,” Jonathan says. “We’ve already had calls from This Morning, BBC Breakfast, you name it.”
“That- okay then,” Kayla chuckles. “Gonna be busy for the next few weeks…”
“We’ll only send you where you want to go,” Jonathan assures me. “So no Piers Morgan unless you’re feeling especially masochistic! Though BBC Breakfast could be romantic as you’d have to stay overnight in a hotel on Valentine’s Day…”
“BOY,” Kayla and I repeat.
“And I can think of more romantic locations than Salford,” I snort. “This Morning’s filmed in London though, isn’t it?”
“Yep,” Jonathan replies. “I can sign you for that tomorrow now if you want, or if you want to come down you could have a look through the offers we’ve got?”
“We- we’d rather have the day to ourselves, if that’s okay?” Kayla asks. “I mean, we’ve already been in once today- though I get that this isn’t an ordinary-“
“Say no more,” Jonathan chuckles. “So is that a ‘yes’ to This Morning?”
“Sure,” I reply.
“I’ll let them know,” Jonathan says. “You two enjoy the rest of your day, okay? You’re getting a lot of positive reaction online, not just on your posts but on the internet as a whole, PinkNews and a lot of other LGBT sites are treating you like royalty, heh.”
“Good,” Kayla giggles. “Oh, and- and can you send Nikki along with us tomorrow?”
“What, to This Morning?” Jonathan asks. “I think she had a day off tomorrow, but I’ll ask her, she’s usually up for some overtime.”
“If you could, please?” Kayla asks as I frown in confusion. Why would Kayla be so eager to have Nikki with us tomorrow?
“I’ll let her know,” Jonathan says. “And I’ll send you the other shows by email, just pick through them and let me know. If you do want to come in to talk through them, just drop in whenever’s convenient, we’ll be here until six.”
“Will do,” I say.
“See you later then!” Jonathan says with a chuckle.
“Bye!” Kayla and I say simultaneously as my girlfriend ends the call. “…Guess we’d better pick out outfits for tomorrow, then!”
“It’s not like we don’t have plenty to choose from,” I chuckle. “Might save today’s dress for special occasions, though!”
“You’d better,” Kayla giggles as she gives me a kiss, before letting out a long, nervous sigh.
“What’s up?” I ask, earning a shrug from my girlfriend.
“I dunno,” Kayla replies. “It just- it all seems, you know, ‘real’ now, like before, it was our secret, but now, like, we're public property again? And- and the fear-“
“I- I think I get what you mean,” I say, giving my girlfriend a comforting hug. “And believe me when I say, I speak from experience here!”
“Yeah, I know,” Kayla chuckles. “And I- I’m sorry, you know?”
“S- sorry?” I ask. “What for?”
“If I’ve ever been insensitive in the past about what you’ve had to go through,” Kayla replies. “I mean, I’ve just had a taste of it, and it- it sucks, it really does. Everyone who’s ever been homophobic or transphobic should know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of bigotry, ANY bigotry. Because it, you know, it doesn’t make anything better, it just makes the world a worse place to live in.”
“Amen,” I chuckle. "And believe me, you have nothing to apologise for, not one thing."
“I- ugh,” Kayla spits, before taking a deep breath. “When we were in our bedrooms, getting ready for our date, I- I packed a travel bag. I was going to, you know, skip town, go away for a few days… Or longer…”
“K- Kayla,” I whisper, before grimacing. “Ugh, can’t imagine who you learned THAT from…”
“You- no, don’t blame yourself for THAT,” Kayla sighs. “And I was probably only going to go to my parents’ house anyway. Heh, god knows what they’ll make of the video…”
“They’ll probably say ‘about time’,” I chuckle as I check through the messages on my phone that aren’t Instagram comments. “Danny just texted those exact words, I think Tom’s still at work but Amanda’s texted me a message of support, so’s Jamie, Janet, Ellie… heh, it’s only, like, 9am in America but even Jessica, Paige, Alexa and Jenny have all sent messages as well.”
“Yep, I’ve got loads of messages too,” Kayla chuckles as she scrolls through her phone. “Heh, one from my aunt Kathy too!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever met your aunt?” I say.
“Probably not, I haven’t even seen her since I joined the band,” Kayla chuckles.
“Heh,” I chuckle. “We- we should go and see her, you know? And your family. I mean, you packed a bag, so, you know, let’s go down there at the weekend? But together. As a couple, in public, with our heads held high and nothing to hide.”
“Sounds perfect,” Kayla says, before exchanging another kiss with me.
The following morning, Kayla and I have wide smiles on our faces as we’re sat in the This Morning studio, a place where we’ve been many times, but always under much different circumstances. Oddly, though, the nerves I usually feel before a live TV appearance are absent. It might be because we're not singing, so there's no anxiety over a performance to worry about, it might be because I know exactly how we're both going to respond to the questions we'll be posed, but personally, I think my lack of nerves is entirely because of the beautiful blonde girl sat next to me.
“Our next two guests need no introduction,” Eamonn, one of the show’s hosts, says to the camera. “As half of one of Britain’s biggest girl bands, Stephanie Abbott and Kayla Ford have set the world alight with their music.”
“Yesterday, however, they released a video that immediately went viral,” Ruth, the other hosts, says. “We’ll show you the video first, then we’ll be chatting to Stephanie and Kayla on our sofa.” I bite my lip as our video plays on-screen, just as it’s done on millions of devices around the world over the last 24 hours. As the video ends and the hosts turn to face us, I feel my nerves start to jangle, though a tight squeeze of Kayla’s hand on mine immediately calms me down.
“Stephanie, Kayla, thank you for joining us today,” Eamonn says.
“Happy to be here,” I say with a smile.
“In the video, you mention that you’ve been in a relationship together for over a year,” Ruth says. “So our first question would have to be why you’ve waited until now before going public?”
“Well- that’s not a question that has a simple answer,” Kayla replies. “At first, our relationship was casual, it took us a while to, you know, find where we were with it.”
“We had wanted to go public earlier, but things always got in the way,” I say, earning another hand squeeze from Kayla- though this one seems to be more for her own benefit than for mine.
“As I’m sure you’re aware,” Eamonn asks, “in recent months there had been a lot of rumours in the press that you two were in a relationship, but you’d always been quick to quash those rumours?”
“Well, the press are always going to speculate about things like that,” Kayla replies. “But our private life is just that- private. Just because we’re famous, it doesn’t mean that we have to live our whole lives in public.”
“But at the same time, we didn’t want to hide away anymore,” I add, smiling as Kayla nods. “We chose yesterday to announce our love for each other as it seemed like the perfect date.”
“On Valentine’s Day,” Ruth says. “I’m sure a lot of people would agree with you there.”
“And a lot of people have,” I say. “We’ve both received many messages of support online, and not just from friends or family.”
“But reaction hasn’t been entirely positive,” Eamonn says. “What would you say to the people who have been critical of your relationship?”
“I’d say it’s none of their business who I fall in love with,” I reply. “I personally have faced a lot of discrimination over the last four years, and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of our fans who have stuck with us both through the last four years and the last couple of days.”
“Out of Heaven’s message has always been about love and acceptance,” Kayla explains. “If you can’t accept that Stephanie and I are in love, well, thank you for your support in the past, that’s all I can say. The same applies to people who can’t accept that this IS a lesbian relationship. I am a woman, Stephanie is a woman and we are in love. End of story.”
“We are sorry that we kept our fans in the dark for so long,” I say. “But we hope that they’ll continue to show us the support they’ve done over the last few years.”
“How will this affect the band, going forward?” Ruth asks.
“Well, hopefully it won’t,” I reply. “Becca, Adeola and the management team at Heavenly Talent have known for a long time and have been nothing but supportive since finding out.”
“We’re looking forward to recording and releasing our fourth album later in the year,” Kayla confirms.
“The manager of Heavenly Talent, Joshua Benedict, came out as gay himself at the end of last year,” Eamonn says. “How helpful was this in making your decision to go public?”
“It was immensely helpful,” Kayla replies. “And- and I hope that if there are any same-sex couples out there who are having difficulty, that they can look to us as an example and draw support as well.” I sit back and smile as the interview continues- even though questions continue to be asked about our relationship, I've said everything I needed to say- and reaffirmed our central message that love is, indeed, love.
The following day, Kayla and I have wide smiles on our faces as we walk through London’s vast Waterloo station, dragging our travel cases behind us. It’s not long, though, before our presence attracts the attention of several nearby teenaged girls, who cautiously approach us with excited grins on their faces. Kayla and I flash our professional, 'celebrity' smiles as we prepare for yet another fan encounter, though I can't help but tense up- they could easily be one of our critics and be excited by the opportunity to tell us exactly what they think of us- and god knows, I've had plenty of those encounters in the past, too. I can't help but feel sad that this might be Kayla's first such encounter, though...
“Ex- excuse me,” the apparent leader of the group asks. “Are- are you Stephanie Abbott and Kayla Ford?”
“Yep, that’s us!” I reply with a smile with elicits happy squeaks from the girls and makes me breathe an internal sigh of relief- just as I do every time I encounter a fan. Though I do feel a little guilty that Kayla may have just let out the exact same 'internal sigh'.
“We all watched your video yesterday,” the lead girl explains. “And we think you were SO brave to say what you did.”
“Aww, thanks!” Kayla giggles. “Would you girls like a selfie?” Kayla and I interpret the excited giggles from the girls as a ‘yes’ and quickly arrange ourselves for the photo.
“Are you girls at uni, then?” I ask as more photos are taken.
“Yep!” One of the girls replies. “We’re in our first year, we’re heading back to Guildford for half term.”
“Cool!” Kayla giggled. “Are you all Out of Heaven fans, then?”
“Oh- totally,” the ‘lead’ girl replies. “We were at your show at the o2 last year.”
“Well- it’s always a pleasure to meet our fans!” I giggle as the photos end and we head on our way. Before we leave, though, the girl has one more thing to say that makes me stop in my tracks.
“There was another girl we used to hang out with,” the girl explains. “She saw your video yesterday and got really angry about it, thought- well, it doesn’t matter. We told her she could make her own way back home.”
“W- wait, so- so were you guys friends?” I ask.
“Not anymore,” the lead girl says with a smirk.
“N- no, you shouldn’t just abandon a friend for something like this, especially not on our behalf,” I say as Kayla nods, causing the girls to look at us in confusion.
“I- I don’t understand?” The girl asks.
“We don’t want to be the reason a friendship ends,” Kayla says.
“Umm, okay,” the girl says. “I’m sorry…”
“No- ugh, no, there’s no need to apologise,” I say. “Just do me a favour and talk to your friend, okay? Tell them we said to, that might make a difference.”
“Well- okay!” The girl says, perking up as we head away. “We love you!”
“We love you too!” Kayla and I giggle, brightening the girls’ days as they head to their train.
“…Well, that’s at least one fan lost, then,” Kayla sighs.
“Meh, maybe, maybe not,” I say. “Hopefully the other girls will be able to, you know, educate her?”
“Maybe,” Kayla shrugs.
“But- but are you okay, though?” I ask. “Whenever I’m approached by fans, I always worry, you know, that- that they might actually be fans, if you get my meaning?”
“…Yeah,” Kayla sighs. “And I thought that too when they approached us. I mean, I’d like to think that nobody’s THAT obnoxious to just insult someone to their faces just because they’re- well, you know…”
“You’d be surprised,” I sigh. “But the important thing is, we still have each other, right?”
“The most important thing,” Kayla chuckles, linking her fingers with mine as we head to the train, two women finally free to express our love for each other. “Jonathan’s said too that interest in the band has skyrocketed following our video, so even if we do lose a few fans, we’re going to gain loads, loads more. We may finally even properly crack America, heh!”
“Hope so!” I chuckle.
Life and love always have their ups and downs, and we’ve certainly had ours over the last few days, but we’ve come out of it more in love than ever before, and with the support of family, friends and fans- everyone that counts. And yet, I can’t help but feel nervous about the future- after all, not all relationships last forever, and if Kayla and I do end up separating, there’s no telling what effect it’d have on the band…
Comments
The cat's out of the bag!
'Stayla' are now public, and going steady for now... There'll be a bit of a break from 'Stephanie' for a couple of months. Yes, yes, I know, there'll probably be a smaller gap between today and part 23 than there was between part 21 and this one, but I'm working hard to get one chapter out a week and I'm hoping to stick to that schedule.
The schedule which can, as always, be found here. And no, I haven't forgotten about the Angels' Animated series, it's just a bit on the back burner for now.
Debs xxxx