Dan waited outside his boss’s office bedside the door. He could smell the sweet perfume coming from Cindy, his boss’s secretary. He looked at her as she faced away from him photocopying. She was slim but had a nicely rounded bottom. She wore a narrow black skirt and black stockings. He wasn’t sure. He knew she did sometimes, as he had seen the bulges of the clips outlined in her skirt before. She had a silky white short sleeved blouse on and 3-inch heels.

She looked like a textbook secretary. Oh, how he wished he could have been her. He had struggled with his gender identity all his life. His father had caught him wearing a towel around his waist and one over his head pretending to be a girl and spanked him until he screamed.
His mother soothed him and patiently explained he was a boy, and he would never be a girl. He hid his pain and cried himself to sleep that night. He used to pray every night that he would wake up the next morning as a girl.

Being an only child, he was often left alone at home in his teens. He used his time to explore his mother drawers and wardrobe. He always hated the clock. He would be obsessed with checking the time so he would not be caught. While he was dressed in his mother clothes he would dream of another life. A life full of colour and feelings, a life where he could express himself, tell people how he felt. His heart used to sink when he had to go back to being a dull teenage boy.

Cindy turned her head, and Dan hastily looked away. Soon after he was sitting in his bosses office.

“Right Dan, not got much time, so I’ll be brief. I want you to look after a new member of staff. She will start tomorrow morning and I want you to make sure she doesn’t have any problems.”

OK, but why not let the other girls in the sales office take care of her? Why the special treatment?”

“Well Mandy is a trans woman. I know, before you say anything, I don’t agree with all that gender change crap. Bunch of weirdos if you ask me.”

Dan knew all about “that gender change crap”. He had realised he was not the only one who felt the way he did when he first went on the internet in the late 90’s. He knew he should be one of the “weirdos”. He had kept quiet and now had a wife and teenage kids.

“Look Dan, we can’t afford her to get upset by anyone. We have hired her to tick some boxes. We have been hiring a more ethnic workforce, as you will have noticed.”

Dan had noticed. When he had started, everyone of the thirty three employees was white. He did think that was odd. Recently he had noticed the workforce had thankfully been more diverse.

“Now with this.. creature working here, we tick the LGBT box. It will look good for when we float the company. The only thing is, I have seen what those Stonewall fanatics do when any trans people are criticized. We can’t afford the bad publicity. So you make sure that she has nothing to complain about, got it?”

“Yes Mike. I’ll look after her. There won’t be any problems.”

“Look I know a man like you may be sickened by having to be nice to a person like that, but if it all goes well I’ll look after you at your next salary review.”

Dan went to work looking forward to meeting this woman who had done what he never could. She was true to how she felt inside. It would be fascinating getting to know her.

When he finally met Mandy, he was impressed. She was a confident woman in her mid-thirties. She dressed stylishly and he only noticed a slight masculine hint in her face. If he didn’t know he would not have noticed. He felt a slight twinge of jealousy.

He introduced her to the rest of the staff in the sales office and she interacted with smiles and jokes. She was obviously comfortable in her skin. He couldn’t help feeling drawn to her. After a busy morning showing her how the computer system worked he asked her if she wanted to go out and get lunch.

They sat in the café just chatting about the company. Dan was aching to ask her about herself. Mandy seemed to sense this.

“Before you burst Dan, I won’t be too upset if you ask me about myself.”

“Is it that obvious? You honesty fascinate me . You are so feminine. I never would have known if I weren’t told. When do you transition?”

“First, thank you. It is always nice to hear that. I seem confident, but sometimes I’m a mess inside. I have doubts and fears like everyone else. I transitioned five years ago. I have been on hormones for ten.”

“I know you are probably used to people saying you are brave, but it couldn’t have been easy coming out like that to your family.”

“Well that part was easy. I grew up in care so I never needed to ask anyone‘s permission. With me it was just a case of being able to afford it. I had my surgery in Thailand.”

They had a frank and in-depth conversation about surgery and recovery. On the way back Mandy asked Dan a question.

“Dan, you seem to know an awful lot about the different surgical techniques. Can I ask you? Have you considered it yourself? You haven’t asked the usual questions about my sex life that many people ask.”

Dan panicked. Was he this easy to read? He didn’t know what to say. He had carried this secret his whole life. It would be so nice to talk to someone to share how he felt. He barely knew Mandy, but he was aching to tell her. He instinctively knew she would understand.

“Well it’s just.. I er.”

His phone rang and saved him the need to explain.

He couldn’t get to sleep that night he kept going over what he would have said to Mandy. Should he tell her? Or should he just muddle along with his life as it was. He was afraid, it was like he was about to unlock Pandora’s box.