The new nightie was pretty, and while I fought the idea of wearing it; it was something I had wanted. When my mom came into the room to say good night I pulled my covers up over my shoulders not to show my mother what I was wearing.

Mom said, “Isn’t it a little late to be shy? This must be a girl day you’ve long dreamed of. The least you could do is say thanks and show me.”

I relaxed my grip on my covers and pulled them down below my ribs. “Thanks, Mom. I keep expecting you to come down on me and punish me!”

“We will talk about you going behind our backs and not be honest. We’ll talk more tomorrow evening and on the weekend. Your father and I are not in agreement about what’s next. I want you to relax for now.

“Tomorrow at school, you’ll be yourself, Russell.”

The morning came, and waking up in my nightie assured me that yesterday was real. I showered again to make sure all signs of Shelby were gone. I dressed in jeans, an undershirt, and a plaid shirt as it turned cold for spring. All my books were still at school. My mother had written a note to the school.

I was delightfully surprised that Beth, Tonya, and Rose were keeping their word in not saying anything. They said hello and welcomed me as a friend. When the school day was over, Beth invited me to ride with her and Tonya.

I was reluctant to agree to the ride, but Tonya insisted it would be the wise thing to do. She said, “Because of my older sister, Mom’s sensitive to LGBT things and I told her I had a new friend named Shelby. …My Mom said, if you need someone she’ll be there for you.”

“She doesn’t even know who I am.”

Once we were home, I invited them into the house. I said, “You can check the kitchen and help yourself to whatever… I’m not sure when Angie will be home, but my mom shouldn’t be home until she closes her shop at 6:00.”

Beth asked, “Are you changing over to Shelby?”

“Yeah, now that you are here,” I told her.

Tonya said, “Let us know when you’re half-dressed and we’ll be up if it is okay?” I thought that must be the way it is with some girls.

I was showering and began crying; I had had friends like this who wanted to be around me. There was a detangling cream that I rinsed my hair with. I pat dry my hair for some reason, as well as combed it out while it was damp. I wondered if my mom was going to be upset that I dressed as Shelby. I gave her a call. She thanked me for calling, saying, “What happened to my son, he wouldn’t have called.”

I said, “Yes, I did.” She permitted me to dress as Shelby. I heard that Angie arrived downstairs and was greeted by Beth and Tonya. I said goodbye to Mom and scooted on panties, a skirt, a bra, and a top as I called downstairs. “I’m mostly ready.” I heard the three of them come up the stairs.

There was a knock and Angie opened the door for the three of them. Angie took my brush, as Tonya guessed where my socks were. She took out a pair of foot socks. “Do you have another matching pair?”

I found a matching pair and she instructed me in their use. The little makeup I had was in sight. “We don’t need much,” Beth said, “just enough to present Shelby.”

When Angie was done with a blower and brushing out my hair, she went to change. Beth and Tonya asked to see what clothes I had. Not only did I bring out what we bought yesterday, but what I had saved from Angie’s clothes. Then began the questions, of how long and how I felt. We gave Shelby a birthday a month younger than mine.

Mom was home saying, “Your father will be here Saturday morning; he suggested we meet for breakfast. He wants to see Shelby out in public. He doesn’t want to lose his cool when he meets you.”

Tonya spoke up, “You could meet at our house. My mom understands some of the feelings on both sides.”

Mom said, “That is good to know. We might take her up on that at a later time if needed.”

Mom was surprised but happy that Beth and Tonya were there. “Shelby said, you brought her home.” She turned to me, “How did the first day of school go?”

“It was the same as any other, only the four of them know. I guess Tonya’s younger sister, Wendy, figured it out when they showed me too much attention.”

Tonya said, “She won’t tell anyone, our mom would come down on her. Mom gave me a gift card for Shelby to Forever 21.” I wasn’t going to ask how much it was for, but it said $50 on the card.

“Mom’s an ER nurse and I guess that is at least the second one she’s given out,” Tonya said. “They have cards for others for differing reasons. We’ve had at least one who spent two nights with us, not able to go home. There are shelters but TG people present more problems to find a place.” My mother, sister and I gasped at the thought.

A half-hour later my mother had called Tonya Andrews’ and invited her Mom and Wendy over for pizza. She asked, “Beth would you like to stay? Your family could be invited as well.”

Beth smiled, “I need to get home for a study night, otherwise I would.”

Tonya smiled, “I canceled my time with Torey after we came over here.”

Tonya said, “I want to be a doctor or at least a physician’s assistant, but mostly I want to be like my mother.”

When the Andrews came, Tonya’s father Mike was with them. It was a bit of a shock to me that another man knew about me, but it was a good shock as he wasn’t phased in the slightest.

Mike mentioned, “A good percentage of guys think about it, but stop with costumes or dressing. Are you fairly sure this isn’t a phase that will change back?”

“I’m not 100% sure, but it’s more than a passing phase,” I said.

Wendy was giggly, “It was at lunch and I saw my sister giving attention to you. I knew you weren’t one of her regular friends. Sorry, but Russ is not her type. She did mention she could be sweet on you though.”

That caught everyone by surprise and no one more than Tonya. Later alone, Tonya asked me, “I hope you weren’t hurt by what Wendy said?”

I said, “I’m not, but is any of it true?”

It was Tonya’s turn to blush, “Maybe a bit. I hope it doesn’t offend you.”

Before the night ended, I knew Michael and Sandra Andrews talked to my mother alone. Later I found out they talked frankly about how my father might react. My mother finally admitted that my father had fits of anger, but that she was sure he would not hit me.

It had been years, since my father had lost his temper and did anything other than go out and get drunk. My Mom was to keep their numbers on speed dial. She also told them where we were to meet for breakfast.

Friday, was another regular day at school. Zak and Lionel asked what was going on. Zak and I needed time together to work on a computer game for Advanced Computer Programs.

=^_^=

Friday, while I was at school another package arrived and this time my mother was home during lunchtime. It was marked: ‘Shelby’s Bonus Gift’. I got a text message at school from my Mom: “You have ballet slippers as your bonus from Femme Care. Please come by the store after school is out. Love, Mom p.s. You should have told me there was another surprise.”

After I finished lunch, I checked the guidance office to see if my counselor was free to speak to me. I knocked at her door, “Ms. Harper do you have a moment that we can visit?”

Miss Harper looked up, “Yes, Russell, isn’t it? It is a delightful surprise to see you. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s not about school perse, but I need to know if it is still confidential?”

Her smile became a little more serious, “Yes unless you are thinking of hurting yourself or someone else.”

I said, “No, I already promised not to do that.” I told her that I received something girly in the mail, and now my mother had texted me that another package had come. I said, “Three girls in my class have found out that I have a girly side to me. I need to know if there is someone I can go to for counseling?”

I saw her eyes look to the side, and it caused me to suspect one of the girls talking to her. She responded, “I am glad you trusted me to tell me this. I agree it is a lot to carry alone.”

I said, “I’m not carrying alone, my family, as well as the three friends, know. I was wondering if there is someone, like a psychologist, who knows about stuff, people like me?”

“Well,” she said, “you know we have an LGBT support group. The Lutheran Hospital runs one as well. I can check my resources and have some counselors and their contact information. Do you need it right now or would the end of the school day be okay?”

We talked a little longer and I went to my classes and would pick up her list for me at the end of the school day.

My Mom’s gift and floral shop were two miles away from school. I didn’t cherish the idea of walking there. I was relieved when Rose asked if there was a way she could help. Fridays just happened to be a day she usually had a family car. By the time I was at my locker and had picked up my note from the counselor and got to the school's front door. I still had to wait until she was there.

It wasn’t much of a surprise that Tonya was with her. Tonya was forthright and asked, “What are you in trouble with your mother? What did you do?”

“Something like that, I guess another package was delivered,” he said.

She smiled and asked, “Did your breast forms come with areolas?” The question amused Russell, but he didn’t reply.

They were soon at the store and there were ample things to browse around and look at. The refrigerator and display doors for flowers line the back wall. Doris greeted them near the registrar as they entered. “Your mom and Maisy are further back, taking care of orders.”

Russ had watched Doris to see if she looked at him differently but saw no changes.

He saw his mom from the back with her dirty blond hair. She was forty-something but looked no older than thirty-five. “Hey Mom, I’m here!”

Maisy Cartwright picked up a carton behind a counter and was bringing it. She had a smile suggesting she might know its contents. Mom took and showed the addressed box to Russ, “To Shelby Short” with their address. It had been cut and opened where the box had been sealed. While it was now closed, pink wrapping tissue extended out of the box.

His Mom asked, “Did you ask for this gift, or was it chosen by them?”

He said, “I forgot that there was a bonus gift, and no I didn’t request anything.”

Mom and I went back to the flower work area, where I saw at least three arrangements ready to do. Just on the other side of the higher counter Mom placed the box on a lower counter and opened it. Wrapped in the pink tissue was a pink pair of ballet shoes, which my mom picked up.

Rose was the first to comment, “Very cute, does this mean you saw yourself as a ballerina?” Mom suddenly pushed the slippers back into the box. She had not expected that the others had readily followed us.

I closed my eyes, praying that my embarrassment would end. Quickly recovered, I lifted the slippers. They were pretty and were stated to be medium in size.

Raising on her toes and extending her arms, Tonya said, “I practiced ballet until I was thirteen. They look pretty, you should try them on.”

Maisy brought over a work stool, “I asked about Shelby after your mother opened the box. Maybe you could be one of our delivery girls?” Maisy pointed for me to sit and offered to help take off my shoes. One thing naturally looked to follow the next step until my socks came off.

I was wearing knee-high stockings under my socks and pants; to top it off my toenails were painted pink. In the background, I heard my mom murmur, “Only you.”

Tonya bent down and took control of putting my feet under the whited stretch bands that were to go over the top of my feet. Only a lean five-foot-seven young man appeared naturally as I stood in the shoes and rose to the balls of my feet. One foot went to tippy toes.

Once on the flat of my feet, I found myself in the middle of a group hug that defied the space we were in. I sighed, “Mom, I swear, I didn’t know about this”

The next morning, I wore an old skirt outfit of Angie’s that I liked. I wore just enough makeup not to look like Russell. I saw Dad in his car when we were going into the café.

My Dad and Mr. and Mrs. Andrews came in the door right after one another. I am sure my father didn’t recognize the Andrews. And I am fairly sure my Mom was surprised to see them.

My father said, “I’m surprised to see you, Shelby, you have grown.” Sarcasm or anger I wasn’t sure, but there were emotions behind his words.

The Andrews were seated several tables away from us, and I was now glad they were there. Breakfast went okay and the food was good and Mom and Dad updated the other on everything but me. My father suggested I ride home with my father, but my mother insisted that she ride home with him and that I ride home with Angie in my mother’s car. That is what we did.

The Andrews had already paid their bill and I was hoping they would follow my parents home. My father was in control of himself but as Angie said, “He looks like he’s not settled on things yet.”

Mother looked shaken when she came through the door and my father called for me and told me to sit. “How can you be like this, where did we go wrong?”

Mom was on her phone and quickly told my father while she was talking, “We didn’t do anything wrong. But Russell/Shelby needs space and our support to discover who she is.”

My father saw her on the phone and yelled, “Who are you talking to?”

Mom said, “The Andrews wants to talk with us. She’s a nurse and they’ve been through this.”

Dad in a raised voice said, “It better not be the Wieks and their son Sam/Sofia. We don’t need to talk to anyone!”

The doorbell rang and my father collected his composure before Mom let the Andrews in. Mr. Andrews began the conversation, “We know better than to tell you how to feel, we just want you to know we too went through a broad range of emotions and questions when our eldest daughter came out as a lesbian.”

Dad said, “Yes, but your son didn’t come out as a fruitcake of a daughter. What did we do wrong? How do we change things before it gets out of control.”

“Mr. Short,” I’m a medical person and I can tell you, you did nothing wrong. Your son didn’t plan to come out yet, but like often happens, who he is, has his schedule. We just happened to know about this through our daughter Tonya, who saw Shelby.”

My father’s voice raised, “You can’t tell me this is normal?”

Mike said, “Unusual, yes, but not abnormal, it is something your son is going through. There are at least two teens in our county, who committed suicide before they reached eighteen, more who tried. Is that what you want?”

My father looked at me; he didn’t ask though I knew he wanted to, ‘He wouldn’t do that!’

I had thought of it but never seriously. The worst I was depressed in eighth and ninth grade. It was then I found outlets online and planned what I would do. It worked, except I got caught. My dad would get angry but I planned it was to be in college that I would change…”

Story to be continued…
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