I was awake early Monday morning and getting ready for my appointment to see Dr. Maria Tulle at 8:00. I had used just enough makeup to even out my complexion. Mom and Angie were pleasantly amused as both thought the other had helped me. I giggled, “You two thinking that is a nice compliment, but I have learned by watching you.”

Mom and I left by 7:20; I hadn’t known how far it was to the clinic that Dr. Tulle worked at. The receptionist was surprised, “Dr. Marie rarely comes in this early.” We had a small pile of forms to fill out. I was given several sheets to read and respond to.

The first time I looked up to my mother, she said, “Answer to the best of your ability and be frankly honest. Do not worry about me, we’re here for you.”

I knew since I was little that I liked girls as my closest friends, but that was misunderstood by many. I was not a little boy flirting with them, I wanted to be seen as a friend and play like another girl. I remember being seven when I realized I had to settle for learning from afar and being with them when I could. Even most girls didn’t understand.

I liked a girl named Teg, when our moms got together, Teg would dress me in her costumes and have me play with her. That worked until I was nine, and twice since. I was twelve when we visited before a Halloween party. I was invited to go and needed to dress in one of Teg’s costumes and wear makeup.

The most recent, I was sixteen and my mother visited another friend only to find out her friend was having a mother/daughter outing. They thought Mom was bringing Angie. When the daughter Leah saw my smile, she asked, “You wouldn’t mind having your ears pierced and being a girl for a weekend, would you?”

My mom had resisted, but Leah and her mother insisted their weekend would be ruined if I weren’t allowed to play along. While I didn’t get a perm, my hair was styled and I did have a makeover. It was a story, I was never able to tell even to Angie or my dad.

The stories were only part of what Dr. Maria went by. I met with her and then took some personality tests and we would meet with her again at 12:30. She and I would meet with my mother again at 1:30. This was not a regular meeting day with clients.

She started by suggesting to us, “Russell/Shelby is gender fluid. It is not easy to tell how much is by choice and upbringing. Shelby is very accepting of Russell’s help in getting to this place in her life. It was her intention to surface after graduation, but the snafu was probably an outward cry for you to discover her. I am sure she is relieved that others know. That some won’t be as accepting, is something she already expected. The affirmation of some is her big surprise.”

We would communicate to the school, Tuesday and Wednesday, about my gender identity. It would be either Thursday or Friday that I would go to school as Shelby Short. I did give permission to my Mom to meet with Dr. Tulle concerning how they might give support to me in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

I had chosen to continue presenting myself as Shelby until sometime after I started to attend school as Shelby.

After school on Thursday, I went to Darla’s house and helped her around the house. We went out and visited with her friends as they went shopping. Her friend Tiffany Jeters was the first person to link me to the Shorts who lived next door to Darla.

Tiffany asked, “Do you know my cousin Tonya Andrews? She said she met this most unusual boy and that I shouldn’t rush to judgment when I learn about him.”

Tiffany was now planning to visit Darla again this weekend at Darla’s house. Tiffany with permission helped me choose a necklace that she bought for me. I am sure it wasn’t anything important to another girl, but it not only looked pretty. It was nice to feel a necklace chain around my neck.

That Tonya Andrews came and saw me wearing the necklace, made it even a greater experience. Tonya and I went to a makeup counter where she had me choose one of three lip-glosses that we agreed on. Tonya told me, “Use just enough to light up your smile.” I didn’t understand until I saw the transformation she was talking about.

I asked, “Aunt Darla did you know it could do that?” She smiled both about the lipstick and my calling her an ‘aunt’.

I lifted and was carrying Lea when I noticed Lea had a soiled diaper. Darla asked me, “What happens at my house when someone finds a dirty diaper?”

I said, “It is usual that person’s turn to change the diaper.”

I was asked if I knew how and I tried to get out of doing it. Tonya said, “I’ll grab the diaper bag and you and I can use the family restroom to change her.” I hoped it meant Tonya would actually change Lea’s diaper, but that was not the case. She just made sure I did it properly.

Once Lea was changed and we were back to Tiffany and Darla, they had decided to treat Tonya and me to dinner out. Darla had already called and received permission from my mom. Darla took a picture of Tonya, Lea, and me returning to them. I guess I had a smile of satisfaction that she insisted on sharing with my mother to whoever would see it. We heard from numerous friends of Tonya’s with many requests for me to like them on social media.

It was Saturday and I was with my three new girlfriends when Tonya gathered us together at the mall eating area. She asked me, “Do you who Gilbert Scott is?”

I wasn’t sure until Beth described him and Rose reminded me that he graduated the previous year. I said, “He’s the smart and good-looking guy who goes to the community college; isn’t he? He should have gone to a better university, but he’s from a poorer family.”

Tonya showed me a text message she got from him, asking, “Do you know if Shelby Short has been asked out on a date yet?”

Tonya said, “My mother knew about the text this morning. And she just got a message from your mom that it was okay to share the message with you.”

Beth asked, “Tonya is that the reason you asked about going bowling tonight?”

Gilbert and I had been friends, not terribly close, but we knew each other and shared several interests. I said, “I know who he is, but I’m not going out on any public date with a group. I’d need to be a better friend first.”

My friends and I continued shopping at the stores. I wasn’t completely surprised when I saw Gilbert standing near one of the waterfalls and ponds near the center of the mall.

I could tell that Gilbert was probably as nervous as I was about how I might respond. I turned to Beth who was closest to me, “You know it takes a lot of nerve for a guy to leave himself standing out there like that.”

Beth said, “I don’t know but you can probably appreciate what he’s doing.”

I turn and asked, “What am I supposed to do?”

Tonya said, “A girl would lead with her heart if she felt moved to.”

Rose said, “You could just talk to him. You could still go home with us.”

We got as close as fifteen feet when I continued to walk over to him. We sat on the short wall around the water. Gil touched my fingers and I spoke, “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Things went quiet, “I dreamed of this but I never could see the boy’s face.”

He said, “I hope my face doesn’t scare you off. I wouldn’t want to date a girl that I didn’t already see as a friend.” I know I blushed a little and smiled.

I looked back at my friends and felt them staring, though they tried not to. I asked, “Gil would it be alright if we got to know each other better someplace else?”

Without thinking we each took hold of the other’s hand and walked away. We both knew of a walking path with benches along a river close by. My shoes were better for the mall than a walking path, but they were good enough. Wearing a skirt was also better for shopping than the breeze along the river, but I made do.

We were talking as Gilbert took some stones and skipped them across the water. I figured it was not very girl-like, but I too had nervous energy to burn. I picked up two stones the first skipped four times, but the second stone plunked and went right down into the water. We laughed.

Gil said, “I expect people will speculate about us, but as I said I’d only date a girl I considered as a friend. I have missed out a few times by waiting too long. I don’t mean to be forward. I didn’t really see you like a girl, but I like what I see.”

It was an hour before I received a text from Tonya, “Are you okay?”

I text back, “I’m safe and we’re talking. Nothing tonight, thanks.”

Gilbert and I talked and decided when was enough for today. Gil gave me a ride home and we had talked about the possibility of going out the next night. It needed to be alright with my folks. Dad said, “It’s a new situation, I treat you as being vulnerable as a young woman.”

“Dad, I know how guys think and I will have my phone and something more to protect me.” I looked to mom, “I want to be a girl, but not a victim…”

Story to be continued…