Mrs. Jodi Sinclair teased me when she saw I had been to the beautician and got more clothes. “You know if you had stayed quiet and didn’t let people see you. I was going to get you some clothes so you could be Tim again. But ‘oh no,' you had to go and introduce yourself and be seen by others. Now that’s how you’ll stay until after the funeral. You better hope your mother doesn’t bring your brothers when she comes.”

Jodi had gone back to stay with her husband and her mother-in-law. I protested when her mother, Grandmother Cole told me to go to the bedroom and get in bed. I tried arguing telling her what programs I stayed up to watch. She wasn’t interested if it was true or not; she wanted my cooperation. After I went to the bedroom; I didn’t do what she wanted. Instead, I snuck down to their finished basement to watch TV.

She somehow found me, “Okay, if you’re wanting to be a big girl you can hold this washcloth with ice behind your ear.” She had gone to her room and brought back some things in her hands. When I told her my ear was starting to freeze she had me move it to the other ear. She soon poked my ear with a needle clear through and soon she had an earring in its place. I complained and began to take the ice and cloth away. “That’s fine. You better pray that this old woman lines up the mark right. She poked that ear, placed in it the earring, and put its back on. Then she took me to a mirror. Standing behind me she asks, “Don’t you look pretty and look like you’re an older girl? My daughter says you’re to be thirteen; most thirteen years old’s have their ear pierced.”

“Not boys,” I said.

“You’re a Darby Sue girl who still needs to grow up. Come upstairs and I’ll take care of your fingernails since you want to stay up. What you have on is little girl polish; I suspect it was Trudy’s.” She says, “I have a sixteen-year-old granddaughter who helped me to learn today’s fashions. With that she began tending to my fingers; she took care of cuticles and took off the little girl polish. She was filing, shaping, and finally painting my nails twice, buffing them, and putting a finishing coat on them.

It was now late and I was tired and wanting to go to bed, but she had me stay up and watch the late news with her. I hate watching the news. I only do it to see the sports report. Grams took me up to go to sleep just as my part was coming on at the end. “See you in the morning, Danica. It is nice to come to know you.” She kissed me on the cheek and tucked me in. "I hope we can be friends."

My brothers said that Mom use to kiss us goodnight, but by the time I was three and sleeping in with them it stopped. Here I was just about twelve and supposed to be a thirteen-year-old girl and a grandma gave me a goodnight kiss.

Melanie and her cousin woke up before I was awake and Melanie was on top of me waking me up. “Time to wake up Danica, Sugar Poo. I like the makeover you got from Grandma.” She had a pair of girl’s panties waving in her hand like she was riding a play horse. Just as I was getting angry and going to dump her off onto the floor. She said, “No, no! Don’t lose your temper, remember you’re a sweet girl now.”

I grabbed the pair of panties and put them on while I was under the covers. Melanie was soon off handing me a short denim skirt and a pretty padded bra. I was going to put them on without a fuss, but Melanie said I needed to shower first. She handed me a robe and led me to the bathroom shower.

She stepped out only long enough for me to get into the shower. She said, “I and my Mom shouldn’t need to remind you all day you’re a girl, Danica. You won’t want us calling you Darby Sue around here. If you forget just go and look into a mirror or look down at your fingernails.” Part of me wanted to cry, however, I didn’t want to give Melanie any satisfaction. She stayed to help me dry my hair and to get it brushed out without tangling.

Her cousin Lisa, a true thirteen-year-old girl, now took me in tow. “You’re going to be with me and my friends so that the Sinclairs can be together at their other grandma’s. I want you just to watch us closely and figure out what you’re to be doing. And among other things, you should have a make-believe boyfriend.”

I wanted to be with the Sinclairs, but I knew that they needed to focus on Grandmother Sinclair.

Lisa selected two skater dresses for us to wear, which made me even more nervous. Like Lisa, her friends were very attractive, And once we were at the mall, they attracted many boys as admirers as we started to walk. Like Lisa had mentioned her girlfriends talked a lot and included me in discussing boys. We would look at the boys and the girls talked about which were cute and kissable. Jennifer, who was in eighth grade, called one boy forward and asked him if he would kiss her? Which he did but it was hardly more than a quick kiss. It ended up being on the corner of her lips.

Lisa quietly asked me, “Danica have you ever kissed a person of the opposite sex? Before you agreed that Jonathan there was cute, but instead of saying ‘kissable’ you acted shy and said ‘huggable’. So remember Jon was chosen by you, so I think he should be asked to be your friend as we walk around the mall. That way you’ll look important.” I stuttered as tried to speak Jennifer says, “That’s settled. Hey Jonathan how would you like to meet Danica and be with her while we walk around the mall?”

Jonathan stepped forward and then paused to think. Then Jennifer says, “That’s settled, get over here and introduce yourself to her. You gotta agree she’s pretty and squeezable as you already have your arm around her waist.”

Jonathan comes over and introduced himself. He’s fifteen and in ninth grade. He plays baseball and basketball. He likes that I know about both. He says I’m too small to play either in high school. But then he remembers I’m a girl and have two more years to grow.

He knows the Sinclairs and Melanie’s cousins. We walk around the mall and I look at clothes when the other girls do. By the second store Jon was putting his hand around my waist, this time it was Lisa who noticed him. I was unsuccessful in hushing her. She opened the lipstick that I agreed I was pretty. I thought she would put it on me, but no. She handed it to me and used another red stick to outline my lips. Then she told me to start from the middle and fill in my lips. “Watch yourself and make sure you’re careful and do it well.” It was kind of fun to do it once even if I’m only pretending to be a girl.

Lisa found a dress she liked and I agreed that it was cute. That became my first experience shopping as a girl and trying on clothes. Lisa was ready to buy the dress for me. It did fit well and looked good on me, but I spoke up. “I don’t mean to be unappreciative, but there was that mauve-pink skirt that I liked better.” Lisa giggled and we went and found the skirt and the proper size. She pointed to a blouse that would be nice with it. I had to try on both, but Lisa was patient and enjoyed the fact that I was cooperating.

Lisa was taking both the dress and the skirt ensemble to the register when I questioned her do so. She giggled, “I was supposed to get you at least two outfits and you agreed to both. I appreciate you helping to make this easier than I expected.”

She checked my face and told me I did a great job with my lipstick. We were impressed that I didn’t mess it up when I tried on the clothes.

Then Jennifer asked Lisa, “Has your friend ever been kissed?”

I spoke up for myself, “Aunt Jodi told me I couldn’t that I’m too young and don’t have my mother’s permission.”

Jennifer looks around and then asks Lisa, “Do you see her Aunt or Mother here?”

Lisa looks around giggles and says to Jennifer, “I don’t see Aunt Jodi and I’m sure her Mom isn’t here yet. She probably won’t be here until tomorrow.”

Jennifer calls Jon over and asks him if he likes me and again if he thinks I’m pretty. She says, “Do you know those pretty lips have never been kissed by a good-looking boy like you. How come? I think you should kiss her.”

Jonathan walks over to me and smiles. He asks, “Would you mind if I kiss you?” And I stand there in shock at the idea.

Jennifer’s getting frustrated, “Just tell her you’d like to kiss her. If she doesn’t say no, give her a hug and a nice kiss.”

I can’t believe it, but I don’t want to look like a nerdy girl so I don’t say anything. Jonathan puts one hand on my waist and the other on my chin. I see him moving to kiss me and as his eyes start to close, I close mine and we kiss. It wasn’t much but his lips were warm and soft as they pressed against mine. We kissed, and inside I’m screaming, ‘I just kissed another boy!’

I looked at Lisa and I could tell she said, “Oh my!” We hugged and then looked into each other’s eyes. He pulled me to him and we hugged. He licked his lips and told me that was nice. He said, “I hope you won’t mind that your first kiss was with me.”

I then looked around and it was then that I saw my Mom. She smiled and waved to me when our eyes met. I’m afraid and then hoping that she hadn’t seen the kiss. Mom comes up to me, saying, “I just got here and they said you’d be here. I wasn’t sure if I would find you or even recognize you if I did?” I could see Lisa scratch her head wondering why she wouldn’t recognize me, her daughter.

Mom realized the same thing and said, “I heard you dressed up and weren’t looking like a tomboy. I was not surprised about how pretty you are Danica.”

Jonathan was standing there like a deer in the headlights. I said, “Mom, Jonathan here was walking around with me so I wouldn’t be the only girl alone.” They both shook hands, I knew Jonathan had wiped his lips on his sleeve, hoping there was no trace of lipstick on him.

Lisa came up and introduced herself and then said. “Mrs. Martin, I’m Lisa Cole. I was told to amuse Danica and keep her busy as the Sinclairs had to leave her with us. …We’re planning to go see a movie here tonight. It was for Danica’s sake, so I hope she can still come.”

My mother asks if I’ve been having fun and made friends. Trying to be careful not to hurt feelings. I said, “Yes.”

Mom was thinking, “Well we’ll need to pick up your things and take them over to my parents’ house. We’ll be staying there. What time is the movie?” The movie was to start at 7:15. Mom says, “Well, we’ll need to leave now if we’re to get back on time. I hope your family won’t mind my waiting until tomorrow to visit.”

Mom checked with the other girls and knew where and when we’re to meet them

Mom was amused as we were walking to the car with my clothes. “I heard you were trouble now and then and earned your way into the clothes purchased for you. I think we will need to stay and make good use of them.”

“Mother you don’t know how embarrassing all the things I have been through. Did you see what I just had to bear?”

“I don’t want to hear your trouble right now, we’re on a tight schedule… You know, I wasn’t going to believe it, until I saw it. You chose to get a permanent instead of just getting your hair shaped or style. It does look cute on you. I can at least compliment your good taste. …Did you hear Jodi Sinclair say that if you had stayed quiet and out of sight. You’d have been back to being Tim, but 'no' you couldn’t be quiet or stay out of sight.”

“I think I will enjoy having a daughter for a short time. Do you remember when you were very young like three years old and you would put on one of my blouses and act like my little girl?”

I said, “You’re making that up. I did no such thing.”

We are soon to Jodi’s side of the family and we pick up my belongings. “Cherise was correct in saying you got some nice clothes. That petite blue dress will do well for visitation and the funeral. That is unless we decide you can’t wear the same outfit for both times. A funeral is not a time to worry about fashion. We’ll just see what other clothes you have to choose from.”

We’re soon to Grandma Rogers and Grandpa is quick to tease me, “Well, don’t you look pretty Darby Sue. Is that a wig or did someone go ahead and do your hair young missy?” I run at grandpa and try to hit him but he has long arms and holds me away at arm’s length. “Well, there you are even trying to fight like a girl who doesn’t know better.”

Mom tells me to get upstairs and take a quick shower and change. Then she speaks to her dad, “Dad, please don’t go teasing him like that. I’m going to discipline him this time, and I don’t want you to be mean about it. He already feels you favor his brothers.”

Mr. Rogers says, “The boys are old enough I can do things with them. This would have been his first time.”

“Dad that excuse hasn’t been valid the last three years. He is no sissy. He puts up with enough from his brothers and you fuel they're being mean at times. We will go stay at a hotel if you can’t treat him well.”

Grams followed me up to the guest room I usually stay in. She says, “I’ll get after your Grandfather after I help you two to get on your way. Your second brother was one to push his boundaries and get discipline like this. Sometimes when he’s here, the three of us will have to talk about what he had to do. He was about eight and up to the same age as you now.”

Grams helped me pull off my dress and patted me to get into the shower. She gave me a shower cap and helped to pin my hair up under it.

I could hear her and my mother talk about the clothes I had gotten. Their voices drop, “I am surprised they were able to get him into this short skater dress… We’ll have him wear this skirt tonight and see if he complains.” I wasn’t able to hear all that they were saying, but I was happy that Grandpa stopped being mean.

Once I’m out of the shower and drying myself off. Mom comes in to help me. “I’ll help get your hair looking nice… This lipstick and small makeup kit, who bought that for you?”

“Jennifer saw it. Lisa and she told me I had to buy it so I did. They were treating me like a thirteen-year-old girl.”

“And you make a rather cute thirteen-year-old girl.” I turned away from her as Mom watched as I put on a new pair of panties and then the training bra. She wanted to know how I decided to hide my little self.

“I think it was pure survival Mom. I was afraid I’d get excited at the wrong time and embarrass myself and the Sinclairs. …I’m sorry I was trouble for them, especially when this happened.”

I continued, “But I was angry when you told Mrs. Sinclair about me being Darby Sue. She and Melanie were pretty nice to me. Now Grandma Sinclair and Aunt Cherise know about me.”

I couldn’t believe the short skirt she and Grams made me wear. Mom says, “Like this afternoon you’re wearing these pretty leather strapped shoes. How do you like 2½” heels?” Mom wasn’t waiting for an answer, but rather complimented how well I looked in them.

It amuses me that I like getting compliments on how I look. Grandma asks me how I talked with the others this afternoon. And I went back talking like Danica. My mother said “Grandma, I heard her talking this afternoon before she saw me. I was surprised how convincing of a girl she makes.”

We were on our way back to the mall when I asked. “Mom you said you watched me before I knew you were there. I suspect you saw Jonathan and me.” I didn’t say anything more.

Mom acknowledges, “Yes, I saw you two kiss. I know it wasn’t your idea. I thought you handled it as well as possible. We can talk about it sometime. What did you think of your first kiss?”

“Mom, is it true that people remember their first kiss?”

Mom says, “You first tell me what you thought of his kissing you.”

I said, “I thought only girls were to feel soft, warm, and mushy. I thought he was nice and considerate for a boy.”

“So you, kind of liked it,” Mom said.

“Mom it was by a boy of course I didn’t like it.”

“Well, I only said that because of the look on your face then.”

Lisa was there by the time we got to the theater entrance. Then I heard another voice I recognized, “Woe, Dan-i-ca! Aunt Cherise said you bought some nice clothes. But she wasn’t sure you’d wear them.” Melanie came up and hugged me. “I gather you decided to find out what being a girl is like. Don’t worry it will be our secret back home,” she whispered to me.

Jonathan walked up to me and said to Melanie. “I’ve been asked to be her friend for today.” Melanie introduced herself, telling Jonathan that I had come with her family. He said, “She must be a very good friend of yours then.” Melanie was nice to agree.

Melanie took me to the women’s room saying I should use the toilet before the movie so I didn’t get too nervous. She knew my mother was here but was surprised she let me use makeup. It was then I noticed how pretty Melanie was and that was without much makeup. She looked like a girl of twelve like both of us should have been.

When we went into the movie theater, I was going to sit with Melanie and others. Jennifer and Lisa pulled me away saying, “Those of us with a boy sit several rows back so they don’t look at us. It allows us to feel more relaxed.” There were four of us girls with a date.

‘Ugh me with a boy as a date,’ I thought to myself. For a chic flick, the movie was kind of good. I turned to say that to Jon, but I guess he had been staring at me waiting for me to look his way. He gave me a kiss that hit the corner of my lips. He apologetically said, “I hope you don’t mind.”

I was thanking him for being polite. He took it to mean I liked him kissing me. He kissed me again, and now and then during the rest of the movie. It wasn’t like I was trying hard to kiss him back; it was more like a natural response to being kissed. The movie was about to end and I suggested I might want to refresh my makeup. When I looked in the purse for my lipstick, I found a compact case. It allowed me to clean off the smeared lipstick and apply some again. Somehow for some reason, I felt girly like I was a girl.

Just then I felt Jonathan’s hand on my leg and reacted, slapping his hand and saying “No!” It was loud enough that Melanie turned around and looked at me. At that point, I was naive enough that I didn’t know why Jonathan would do that. It just felt wrong.

The movie was over and I was back with Melanie and Lisa waiting for our moms. Lisa told me not to tell our parents what just happened that they would be angry with us.

The next few days went quickly as there always seemed to be something to do. My Mom was about five years older than Jodi and her husband Bill. She knew an older brother to Mr. Sinclair and that he too had been disciplined as a Darby Sue. Dan Sinclair didn’t talk to me but from his stare; I knew he was amused to see me behaving.

Melanie and I became good friends as it allowed Melanie to act like an older girl. Mom and I, not being close to the family, were free to help with smaller things. That ended up including watching a baby during the visitation and then helping out at the funeral luncheon at the church. My Mom and I got quite a few compliments on my helping the women of the church.

Jennifer, as a friend to the family, found herself stuck helping along with me. Jennifer giggled, “You know you’re going to make it harder on others of us when you leave. If other girls are asked to help in the future, you know it is you I’m going to blame.”

I said, “I can’t help it. Every time I act up, things go against me. I’m behaving so I don’t get into more trouble.” Jennifer giggled and we became better friends.

We had stayed until two days after the funeral. Mom made sure her bills were paid and everyone was reimbursed for their expenses in helping me as Danica. Monday started Spring Break here and at home. My Dad decided to take my brothers to see baseball teams play games during spring training.

My punishment for breaking rules and becoming a muddy mess was to be my Mom’s daughter through spring break. We didn’t just stay with her parents or the girls I became friends with. After the second day, I stopped protesting as we were having a good time together. Mom took me sightseeing and among other things to a women’s professional basketball game. We went to museums and a home and garden show. We entered one department store where the beautician chose me for a makeover. Mom and I were given a certificate for meals for two as a reward for doing so. It was my next to last day fully as a girl but Mom bought makeup, saying she’d use it on me someday.

My girl clothes went to the back of a closet in a clothes storage container where my dresses and more could hang out of sight. I am not sure where my makeup and other things went.

After that weekend several things happened: The clothes bought for me were hidden away by my mother, and Melanie and I had become friends, not like boyfriend girlfriend, just good friends. I would do more things with her and her friends. And come the summer I searched and found the clothes mom hid away. But I knew to be discrete.

There was once in August that my mother came home and found me dressed as Danica. Up to then, only Melanie and Mrs. Sinclair knew I was still dressed as a girl. Mrs. Sinclair thought my Mom knew, because I told her, “I wouldn’t do such a thing without my mother’s permission.”

My Mom knew I was going over to the Sinclairs so once she decided to call Jodi Sinclair, saying, “I hope that Tim’s coming over there isn’t a problem. I am surprised that he hasn’t become a nuisance.”

Mrs. Sinclair said, “I was afraid at first their being friends would be hard on Timothy. He’s mellowed out and become a tender boy and I’m thankful he has your understanding.”

It was after that my mother became suspicious that more was happening. Dad and my brothers went ocean fishing. And I had told her I’d go over to some friends. She called home at noon and when I answered she hung up quickly and decided to leave work early.

Finding I dressed as Danica, she decided to take me where we could visit alone but still be in a public place. She didn’t want to say or do anything she’d regret. I was embarrassed when Audrene a friend of Melanie’s came over and said hello.

She said, “Mrs. Martin, I knew she was Timmy. Because I see him go over to Melanie’s house, but when I go to play with Melanie and Danica; Tim is not there.”

Before going home, I and my mother stop and talked to Jodi and Melanie. The whole truth came out. My mother had liked the improvement she had seen in me her son but wanted the crossdressing to stop.

I started seeing a child psychologist after that. And I had stopped cross-dressing. I only did it with supervision for the next two years at Halloween time and two other times. I learned could be friends with Melanie and her friends without needing to pretend to be a girl...

Story to be continued…