Chapter 17 - Going Home, Part 2

We got settled in Julie's room and she cleared a couple of drawers for my clothes. She surprised me with a pair of matching nightgowns for us to wear and then dragged me downstairs to talk with her mother.

"Connie," she started. "I don't want to embarrass you, but I have a little present for you."

"How could getting a present embarrass me?"

"Because it's rather intimate. You know I work for a medical equipment company, don't you?"

"Julie told me. You're involved with mastectomy supplies, I understand."

"Which I was certain would be of interest to you. Julie mentioned your inserts were rather old and starting to fail. They are almost certainly liquid filled prosthesis, and the liquid isn't stable over time. That's not surprising, but there has been a great deal of progress in new materials in the last few years. The older inserts started out fairly compliant with breast tissue, but they didn't age well."

"I found that out last week. I haven't used them in several years and they aren't as nice as they used to be. Please don't worry about embarrassing me, I've decided that I can no longer go on denying that I have a strong feminine side and I need to explore just how I can deal with that."

"Very good. I think we can all agree on how important breasts are to a woman's self-image. In our research we have talked to many women who had to have mastectomies who feel they are no longer real women without their breasts. Is that how you feel as Connie?"

"Very much so. I'm using my inserts even though they aren't as good as they were, but they are still much better than a bag of rice or some kind of stuffing.

"You bring back memories of my days as a young girl who wanted breasts so badly I resorted to such things and my mother was kind enough not to laugh, but encouraged me to wait for nature to take it's course."

"I'm afraid that won't work for me."

"If it did there would be a lot of unhappy men in this world. I've also talked to men with gynecomastia. Unlike you, it disturbs them greatly."

"Gynecomastia? I don't know what that is."

"Spontaneous breast growth in a man. Pretty rare, but it happens. I find it odd that men with that problem will go to even more extreme lengths to hide their breasts than some women use to increase their breasts. Too bad there isn't some way of spreading the wealth so everybody will be happy."

"Somehow I wouldn't consider that to be a problem. Some people have all the luck."

"One man's problem is another man's blessing. In any case, our company has developed a new generation of silicon filled breast inserts and we are starting a testing program to see how they fare when used in normal living. Would you be interested in joining our test program?"

"Would they let me in? Let's be blunt, I was born a man, even if I don't feel like one and don't want to be one too much any more. There's nothing much I can do about that except dress and act like a woman whenever I have the opportunity."

"Would it surprise you to know you are only one of many men who feel that way? Julie tells me you have been able to develop your feminine personality without help from anyone but your family, is that correct?"

"Yes. We live in a very small town and if anyone knew then everyone would know. My dad is prominent in the town, and my mom is the manager of the Woolworths. I hate to think of what would happen if the town knew about Connie."

"I've been surprised by the interest of men in our product, especially since I ended up the head of the department because most men get all tongue-tied and discomfited at the thought of an artificial breast or any breast that they can't fondle."

"I certainly won't quarrel with that assessment. I get sick of faking just to seem like I'm not a wimp or a homosexual. If most men's idea of manhood is like those disgusting little boys on the bus, I don't want to be a man."

"We could spend all night discussing the subject, but what I am really interested in is getting you into our test program. I'm convinced there is enough of a market for breast inserts among crossdressers that we would be foolish to ignore it. I can't see how a man wearing a breast insert would treat it any differently than a woman would, but that's why we do research. Ideally, I want 10% of our test subjects to be crossdressers. We would supply the prosthesis free of charge and ask to conduct regular inspections of the product and ask you to fill out a form about how the feel and any problems or concerns you would have using them."

"You have an enthusiastic subject for your study, Sandra."

"So my daughter assured me over the phone. I took the liberty of filling out the application with her help. Check it over to be sure it's accurate, fill out the medical history part and sign it. We can go into the study office tomorrow and do the rest. We keep it open for half a day on Saturday for women who can't take time off from work."

"Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you lover?" I asked.

"There was as much chance of you refusing as there was of me going out with that twit on the bus."

"Then let's stop talking business and go out for something to eat. We can plan what you want to do with the rest of the week over food."

"I knew I had a very smart mother."

Not only smart, but empathetic, a word I hadn't much use for before meeting Sandra. Somehow I liked and trusted her as much as I did her daughter from the moment I met her. Why else would I have been able to tell her the intimate details of my growing feelings of femininity.

Think about it - this woman was meeting the man her daughter was going to marry for the first time and that man was dressed and acting as a woman. She didn't simply accept me like that, but positively welcomed me into her life and offered to help me achieve my growing femininity as best she could.

As for me, I was able to open up about my desires and tell a complete stranger about them with no hesitation. People like that are the treasures you collect in life, and Sandra has loved and supported me through all the joys and sorrows of life to this very day.

I was in love with her daughter, but I was learning that that portmanteau word love could include a different kind of love for many kinds of people.