In which things are eventually made clear.
Who Was I©
By: Annette MacGregor
"Bill, the final report came in from Jane this afternoon."

I looked up at her, something didn't sound quite right. "Becky?" I asked her questioningly.

"It's a little disturbing Bill. Here, you read it."

---

Part 33   Tuesday noon (19-Dec-2006)

"Hi Stacy."

"Got here a little early this week I see, Bill."

"Hey, I didn't want to be accused of being late again!" I could see her smile at that, "And, look, here comes Karen. She's early too!"

"Why, so she is."

"Hi Karen" we said in unison, and then looked at each other and laughed.

"Coincidence, right?"

"Of course Stacy."

"You two. What are you worried about?"

"I don't know..."

"...I was just remembering things."

Karen looked back and forth at us and shrugged. "I don't know about you two, but I'm hungry!"

"Well, let's go on in."

"If it means we get along better, it's a good thing, don't you think?" Stacy said.

“Welcome sir, ladies. Your usual table?”

“Yes, thank you.” we all said

He didn’t blink, as led us to the same table we’d had the last two weeks. “Your waiter will be with your shortly.”

We thanked the host and sat down. "That was..."

"...kind of silly. ..."

"...Don't you think?"

We looked at each other. "That didn't just happen." and we all stopped talking, and just looked at each other.

Stacy raised a hand. "That was just way too creepy guys. I think we need to try to avoid weirdness like that." to which Karen and I nodded our agreement.

The rest of the meal was more normal. Okay not completely normal, but more so. I was, and I know they were both slightly disconcerted by this side effect, but we were all getting used to it a bit.

"Despite the strangeness at times, it was really fun talking about our memories."

"That's for sure Bill! We have so much to explore!"

"I think we should continue! Don't you Stacy?"

"You bet. Bill, do you think you can break free of your family next week? I know it's the day after Christmas and all."

"The day after, that shouldn't be to too big a problem Stacy. We usually hang around at home and such. None of my girls are real shop-a-holics. Why, you think we should get together again?"

"If you're willing, Bill. Despite the strangeness, this has been one of the most fun days I've had in quite a while."

"I can't second that more Stacy. This was wonderful."

"What can I say? I've enjoyed this as well. Let me check with Becky, but unless something's planned, I don't know about I'm sure this is fine.

“Will we be seeing you again next week?”

“I do believe so.”

“Good day then, sir, ladies.”

# - # - # - # - #

Friday afternoon

"Merry Christmas, Doc."

"A little early aren't we Mr. Wyman?"

"I know, but not much, and I'm happy."

"That's nice to see. What brings this mood on, besides the season?"

"I've got a wonderful family and we're all at home for the holidays. I've got my memories back, I've gotten rid of something in my head that shouldn't have been there, I've found two wonderful friends again. What's not to like?"

"That does sound like a lot to be thankful for. Have there been any problems recently?'

That punctured my bubble a little. I figured I should mention the disconcerting bit about how we talked... "Well, not a problem per say."

"But something, right?"

"Yeah. Too often for it just to be a coincidence, we've been saying the same thing, at the same time. And, another thing. We sometimes complete each other's sentences."

"That sounds a little unusual, but coincidences happen, and I'm sure there are times you can complete your wife's sentence, or vice versa."

"That's true, but not like it's a big conversation and only once in a while. After all, Becky and I've been married almost three decades now. We should know each other to some extent! Here's an example, this past Tuesday at lunch, we actually had to work a bit to NOT be finishing each other's sentences! And the poor man that took us to our table. I'm sure he thinks we must be crazy or trying to drive him there."

"It's most likely coincidence, but it could be a side effect of you all getting your memories back at the same time. Maybe your minds are just running on over drive and are picking up extra queues. If that's it, you'll find it slacks off as you grow more accustomed to your recovered memories."

"That's good to hear. While it's not really uncomfortable for us, heck, sometimes we don't even notice it, it must be disturbing to those around us."

"It probably is, if it's excessive. A small bit here and there, most will chalk up to coincidence or lucky guesses."

"Thanks for the reassurance."

"You're welcome. If it persists and becomes something that disturbs you, maybe we can find a way to deal with it, but for now, I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't seem to be disturbing you, from your easy in describing it almost as an afterthought."

"I guess it's not. It's more surprise, I guess."

We discussed a bit more, but little of importance I guess. She reminded me that she was off next week, but available by phone in an emergency.

# - # - # - # - #

That evening

"Bill, the final report came in from Jane this afternoon."

I looked up at her, something didn't sound quite right. "Becky?" I asked her questioningly.

"It's a little disturbing Bill. Here, you read it."

I read it. "That makes sense." I continued reading, making editorial comments as I went. "Wow Becky. That's amazing. I bet there's a long story behind her hunt for that information."

Becky nodded at that. "It also explains a lot."

"Yeah, it does at that."

"So, how was your lunch Tuesday? You never said, though I'm assuming it went well. You've certainly been happier since then."

Okay, I can recognize a topic change with the best of them, but I needed to get here anyway. "It was amazing Becky. We talked about things from our childhood. It was a bit strange though." There, I'd said it.

"How so?"

"We were all completing each other's sentences, except when we took pains to avoid it. We even responded to the host’s questions at the same time. It was a bit freaky."

"I bet you were all just really excited Bill. Except when you've been brooding over what if's with your memory thing, you've been happier since you got your memory back."

"I guess I have at that. Dr. Flynn noticed that today too. I was almost bubbly at the beginning of the session. Oh, I just remembered. Do we have anything planned for mid-day on Tuesday? I know we don't normally, but I wanted to check."

"No Bill, I always do my best to keep the day after Christmas as a down day for all of us, and this year's no exception. Let me guess, you're meeting your new old friends again."

"Got it in one. They're both probably pretty lonely this time of the year, and since we got on, I figured lunch would be a nice thing to do on my part. Besides, it has been fun."

"Of course Bill." Becky was thoughtful, and then said. "Bill, do you think they'd join us for Christmas Dinner?"

I looked at Becky in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Why not Bill? They're nice, and we do have the room."

"Okay Becky. I certainly don't mind, if you don't."

"I'd not have brought it up if I didn't mean it." She looked over at the clock. "You can get them tonight if you get a move on it mister."

"I'm going, I'm going."

I bit later, I returned, with a bemused smile on my face.

"They both accepted, didn't they?"

I nodded. "They even asked what the kids liked. I suspect the kids will be getting a second set of presents."

"I told you they were nice. It'll be good having them over. I'd like the opportunity to see more of these ladies that have stolen my husband for lunch so many times!" she said with a laugh.

# - # - # - # - #

Monday mid day (Christmas day)

"Karen, Stacy, how nice that you were able to come."

"Thanks" they said in unison, looked at each other and giggled.

Stacy recovered first. "Thanks Becky. I'm afraid that's been happening when we get together."

"So Bill has led me to believe. I'm sure you'll work it out."

"I really want to thank you for inviting me Becky. It's been lonely at Christmas the past few years."

"I do too. With all the things going on, I decided to not fly south to be with my parents for the holidays. They moved down there in retirement. My dad was saying something about not needing to shovel snow any more..."

They all laughed at that, as this appeared to be yet another non-white Christmas. I came up behind Becky and gave her a hug. "Hi, glad you could make it." Then I took their coats. Come on in.

"You have such a..."

"...lovely home, Bill." I looked back at that, and shrugged. I guess we'd either get used to it, or figure out how to deal with it. The dinner went really well. Karen and Stacy got along fine with Ruth and Becky. They also did better with Craig than I'd expected. I guess it's Stacy's experience bringing up a boy and Karen's interactions with the actors and musicians. Ginny was quiet most of the time, but did laugh at the times we answered together or did our sentence sharing.

Once dinner was over, and plates cleared, "We usually do dessert after we recover a bit."

"That's quite all right. I don't think I could eat anything more now." Stacy said, and looked at Karen who nodded. "We need to get something from my car Bill." I got up and got their coats. They returned with a number of boxes, and I knew my guess about a second Christmas was going to happen.

"Before you get into that Karen and Stacy, Becky got the final report from the PI. I thought you might want to look it over while things are quiet now." They agreed, leaving the boxes by our tree. "We can use my office." I didn't notice Ruth following along, but I probably should have guessed she'd be there too.

"I made you each a copy, so you could take it with you. Why don't you have a quick read?"

Ruth poked her head in the door. "Dad, can I read it too?"

I don't know if that surprised them or not. "I don't see why not Ruth. You already know a bit. And, it might explain that visit you got when you were researching your paper." She gave me a strange look then.

Report on Dr. Ulrich Pfister, MD, PhD Dr. Pfister had degrees in both medicine and psychiatry Born in 1931 in a suburb of Berlin. He was a concentration camp survivor. As a teen in the camps, he appears to have been the subject of experiments in the use of drugs and hypnosis to induce behaviors and and/or suppress behaviors. He had been incarcerated for exhibiting the tendency toward unmanly activities. He saw varying degrees of apparent success achieved. Following the war, he was relegated to an orphanage, until adopted by one of the former soldiers that had liberated his camp. He seemed to thrive in the US, and grew to adulthood. He graduated with honors from high school and college. Dr. Pfister attended medical school and psychiatry graduate school. His studies tended to be concentrated on pediatrics and adolescents. Over the next decade, he worked in a research hospital, and treated children with various disorders. He recognized that the brightest students in the schools were getting no better an education than any others, despite greater capabilities. In fact, many of the brightest of these children were doing poorly in school due to being bored with the classes. He became active in the advocation of enrichment classes for these children. He went so far as to provide testing to recognize them, and eventually acted as a teacher for many. This program expanded during the early ‘60s as he evolved his theories of education and ultimately ended up with the training program the children participated in. It is not clear when he decided to experiment with using drugs on the children, but the records indicated that this began in the mid ‘60s. The technique Dr. Pfister used for insertion of the capsules was perfected, if that term is appropriate, on laboratory animals. His notes were not clear on how he obtained the material used, but the apparatus used to create and deploy the capsules was. The device resembled some of the injection devices in existence. There was a barrel. Attached to the barrel were guide rods - top and bottom. At the end of the rods was a plate with an opening centered on the barrel, at a fixed angle. The plate could be moved closer or further from the barrel opening through the use of screws, and then fixed in location. Inside the barrel was a hollow needle that extended to a fixed length from the mouth of the barrel. Therefore, the depth of the needle was determined by the placement of the plate. The needle appeared to be connected to two reservoirs, both of which were heated by an attached electrical source. The procedure appears to have been mark the location on the back of the neck, apply anesthetic, adjust depth through the use of the plate, position device, slide needle to max position, trigger compound one and then trigger compound two. It is interesting to note that the needle was set up to spin when being inserted and reverse the spin when being removed. Detailed investigation determined that 50 % of the students received these capsules. Of this number, his notes indicated that 1/3 received what he called compound a, a second third received compound b and the remainders received empty capsules as a control. At this time it is not possible to determine what purpose he had in delivering the capsules, how he planned to cause them to release or any other use. Only their existence and the nature of the contents determined. Dr. Pfister appears to have suffered bouts of what at that time would have been called schizophrenia, which became more pronounced as time went on. This is apparent in his later journals. In fact, it was so pronounced that he actually had three different sets of lab journals at the end: one, where he described the groups and the general progress of his experimental training, another that detailed the 50% of students where no capsule had been inserted, and the last one, where the students not receiving capsules were described. It's apparent that he had different hand writing in both personalities, and both appear in the general journal. He maintained separate books for each case. From his meticulous numbering, it's apparent that one of the second group of journals was missing and never recovered. The basic approach he appeared to use in training the children included the use of hypnosis, and a legal review of the parental permission indicated that based on the laws at the time, his actions were technically with parental consent and were legal. That said, none of the schools appear to have been aware of exactly what his techniques were, but they acknowledged general satisfaction on the improvement in performance of most of the children entrusted to his care. One thing that was apparent was that without exception, all of the children under his care exhibited tendencies toward activities that fit the ideals of their sex, as it was generally accepted at the time. The experiments fell apart, when he apparently had an accident while administering a capsule to one of the children. Whether the child resisted, or he stumbled, is not apparent, but he appears to have injected a capsule into his abdomen, and broke the needle off, releasing whatever payload was in the capsule directly into his system. He was found laying with the device in his hands next to one of two children, both of which were apparently asleep. The records indicated that he'd received a phone call, and a temporary worker in the office, not knowing his policy to hold messages, went to the class to deliver it and discovered the three. An ambulance was called, and the medics were able to wake the children. Dr. Pfister was taken to the hospital. They were able to stabilize his vital statistics, but his mind appears to have come unhinged. Whether this was caused by the drug in his device, some left over effects from tests by the Nazis, or some combination or even an inherent instability in his psyche was not ever determined. He lived until June of 2004, when he passed away of natural causes, never having regained coherence. Discovery of his attempted action with those children led to a quiet investigation to find the rest. All who had received capsules had them removed. Based on the papers he'd published, and the missing journal, there was indication that three additional children might have been part of his program, but they could not be located. Subsequently, his research was suppressed and further studies in this direction was discouraged. In addition, record of his class and the children's participation was removed from official records. Based on the evidence, it is likely that Mr. Wyman, Ms. Stewart and Mrs. Wrangle are in fact the three additional children that were missed in the late '60s when this occurred. The timing and dates, as well as his information in the school records all tend toward this conclusion. I have consulted with two different criminal attorneys, and both have stated that in their opinion no action could be taken at this time, either toward Dr. Pfister or to the various schools and school districts in question. Attached are the formulations of the two compounds injected into the other students for comparison purposes, should you care to make that check as well. Respectfully, Jane Dickenson Private Investigator

"You were right dad. Maybe I should talk to this PI."

"Your mom has the contact info, now let them finish."

"Oh, we're done." came from Karen and Stacy.

"I'm glad we don't have to worry about finding the other kids."

"Most definitely Karen. I just wish our records hadn't been missed forty years ago, when things were being fixed. I wonder how things would have worked out, had we been found."

"Stacy, I thought that as well, but despite her not saying when in the report, I suspect we'd been 'discarded' at least year before he was discovered." At her questioning look I continued. "I've had longer to think about it, but remember he published a second paper and there was that number discrepancy?" I saw them all nod. "Well, I'd be willing to bet a LOT that her suspicions are correct and we were that missing group and that he destroyed the journal after 'hiding' us, not wanting to admit he'd failed."

You know, that..."

"...makes a lot of sense."

"What do you..."

"...think he was trying..."

"... to achieve with..."

"... his research?"

"I think he had..."

"...more than one goal."

"True. He was obviously..."

"...working on instilling teamwork..."

"...that can be deduced from the papers..."

"...and the numbers of kids..."

"...as well as the results with us."

This went on for quite a while with each of us continuing where the other had left off. We decided that the most likely cause of dropping us from his study was my apparent transgenderism, and our ability to avoid his directions occasionally. We finally slowed down our chatting after what must have been 15-20 minutes.

"Wow dad, you guys are amazing."

All three of us jerked at that. "Sorry Ruth. I guess we forgot you were here."

"No kidding. I've never seen anyone brainstorm like that before! You covered so much territory so quickly. You looked at options and discarded unviable ones so fast that I almost couldn't follow you. And, your conclusions really hang together well."

"Ruth, I think it'd be a good idea for you to not mention what you just saw to too many people." Karen and Stacy nodded at that.

"No kidding, dad. Besides, nobody would believe me. You folks better learn to not do that when others are around though. Talk about freaky. Wow."

"How about we head back, so Karen and Stacy can play Santa. Okay?"

"Sure dad. And I won't say anything to Ginny either."

"Probably a good idea, though from what I've seen in the past few weeks It's likely that I’ll have to explain some of this to her fairly soon. She's almost as observant as you are. I think the only reason she didn't follow us out here was that she was helping your mom in the kitchen and didn't see us head back here."

"Wow dad. She's growing up fast!" I nodded my agreement.

We rejoined the rest, and when Becky saw Ruth coming back with the three of us she shook her head and I knew she was aware that Ruth was now in the know again. The family gathered in the living room, for the gift distribution. The kids were amazed at the insight they showed in their gifts. Craig couldn't believe that they'd found that game; it'd been out of stock for the past few weeks, but apparently Stacy had some connections. Ruth and Ginny were equally happy with their gifts. I think that Becky was surprised at the theatre tickets, but I knew the two of us would have a great time.

"Bill, Karen and I wanted something special for you, both for what you've done for us in the past weeks, and for the friendship we feel is reforming. There was a gift we'd planned on giving you for Christmas following our summer with your aunt Rachel. As we didn't get a chance to then, we wanted to make up for it now. The first part of the gift is a framed picture my parents had of the Top Three in our class. I gave Karen her copy yesterday, and we wanted you to have a copy too. The rest of the present is an updated version of what we would have given you back in fourth grade had we been able to. We figure, if nothing else, you can use it for Halloween."

To say I was a little uncomfortable with this is putting it mildly, but, I opened the box, and on the top was the picture as stated. It was actually pretty good, and I showed it to my family. There stood Karen, Stacy and me in our caps and gowns. I recall the picture being taken now, but I'd forgotten all about it until they shared it with me. I thanked them profusely and showed the family the picture. The rest of the package was pretty big... As I opened it, I was perplexed at first, then suddenly I understood. I didn't pull the gown out then, but I knew eventually I would, and I hoped Becky would understand and be accepting. I couldn't say anything I was so overcome. Becky looked into the box, and then looked at me, and nodded. I guess she understood more than I'd thought. I certainly hoped so.

# - # - # - # - #

Epilogue

The next decade was eventful for the Wymans. Bill and Becky became closer than ever, primarily as a result of their talking more than they had in the past. This became a habit during the memory search and continued over the years. Bill continued therapy for another six months, coming to terms with who he perceived himself to have been and who he was today. He understood that he may be/have been a transsexual, but that did not change who he was today. He recognized that clothing didn't make a person, it was something inside. Actually understanding this and his past went a long way to address some issues he had had, and that had disturbed Becky as well. Bill never went back to using his given name, as he put it "I've put forty years into training folks to know me by Bill. If I'm going to look the same, I may as well go by the same name."

Bill, Stacy and Karen became very close friends, and more often than not, Becky was included in their group. Doing things as a foursome became more common after the first few exploratory years. After an initial bout of almost mind-reading, the three began to be more very close friends that were able to anticipate each other's feelings and thoughts rather than more, at least when anyone else was around. The kids adopted Stacy and Karen as surrogate aunts, and both were regularly with the Wymans for most family events, and even some extended vacations.

Ruth continued her studies into paired training, first to complete her bachelors with honors, and then later to go on to her doctorate. Her teaching techniques showed that the top percentile of students actually benefitted from paired studying and training, even when their study areas were widely divergent. Early research targeted college students, but later research continued to younger students. Additional studies looked at more average students, as well as mixed skill levels. All studies seemed to confirm that the approach was most effective with highly intelligent students. Teams of mixed intelligence tended to become leader/follower relationships, though it was inconsistent which kid was the leader and which the follower. The longest running pairs have been together for six years now. Further studies are planned to observe the long term affects of learning in this way.

Ruth remains close to her father. They continue to chat regularly via IM at odd hours, as well as in person and via phone. They talk over far ranging issues from her research, to politics, to his past and where they both are in their lives. Ruth has many friends, but none are what one would consider close. Seems she's looking for someone she can be as close to as her parents are and as Bill is with his refound friends, and she's not had much luck. Being a new aunt has reminded her that the clock is ticking and she's considering going it alone. If she does, she knows the kids will have four grandparents anyway.

Craig completed High School, and went to college in another state on a track scholarship. He's a CPA and married. Recently he and his wife gave the family their first grandson. They named him after his Grandpa, "Bill". Bill, Becky, Karen and Stacy spoil the little fellow every chance they get, though this isn't as often as they'd like with Craig living so far away.

Ginny is currently in college. She currently seems most interested in the physics or electrical engineering, but admits this is subject to change. She does still talk about becoming a mission specialist for NASA in their ongoing activities and brags she'll be the first woman on Mars. So far, no steady boyfriend is on the horizon.

Where will things go? Time will tell.

---

The end... Thanks for taking this trip with me. I want to thank you for all your comments, both public and private. I also want to thank the beta reader of this last episode. It made it much better than it otherwise would have been.