Bill and Becky finish their chat. In which Bill picks up Rachel at the Uni and discovers she knows something he doesn't. And where Bill & Becky go visit Aunt Rachel and tell her of Bill's dream.
Who Was I
By: Annette MacGregor
"... Oh, and get this. That guy that taught your class?"

"Yes?"

"Hold onto your seat dad. He wrote some of those articles!"

---

Part 21   Friday evening (10-Nov-06)

In the last episode Bill and Becky were talking:
"No Bill, you're one of the most open minded people I know. What's going on?"

"Becky, after talking about my dream with the doctor, she asked me if I thought it had happened." At her nod, I continued. "I reacted strongly Beck. I said I hoped not, and asked if it mean I was gay or something." I could see the shock on her face.

---

"Bill what would one have to do with the other? And, what's the problem with the gays?"

"That's just it Becky, they aren't related and I have no idea where the question came from!"

"Okay, well another mystery to add to our growing list. You're not collecting them are you?"

I gave a nervous sort of laugh. "Not that I know of, but they are stacking up a bit aren't they. That's not all though."

"Oh? What else?" She sounded a little concerned at this point, not that I blamed her. I was disturbed too.

"The doctor gave me a list of web sites with information on sexual variations. You're welcome to look at the stuff. I looked at some this afternoon, and I tell you I had no idea."

"Okay Bill. I'll take a look too, just so I understand what you're talking about if you decide to go off on something based on what you learn on these places. But, something else is bothering you. I can tell you've not dropped the other shoe yet."

"Well, this morning, I was checking out the two girls form my class in the yearbook." At her nod, I continued. "Well the three of us graduated 1-2-3 and, when Mrs. King mentioned their names they weren't familiar. I know I'm not great with names, but you'd think I'd remember the two people that were neck and neck with me going for Valedictorian don't you. That and they must have been in most of my classes. When I looked at their pictures, I had no idea who they were!"

"Wow that sounds strange. I would have thought you'd have recalled at least one of them. You've told me stories of stuff in high school every now and again. I think it's getting more important that we find them, and see if they've been hurt like you were, or if they're fine, and wondered what happened to you."

"I'm almost scared something happened to all of us Becky."

"I know you are Bill. But I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this. I think you should call your Aunt Rachel, and we should go and ask her about the dream." I flinched at this. "I know Bill. But, if she just laughs, or maybe tells us about your sister. That would help wouldn't it?"

"Okay Beck. If you think so."

"Right and I think we need to find these two friends of yours. Even if you've forgotten them. How about I take that on?"

"Okay, it might be better. I'm beginning to feel just a little bit stressed about all of this."

"Bill, I'll take care of it. Once I find them, I'm sure they will be very nice people. You are you know. Just because you don't remember them doesn't mean they turned into monsters."

I gave a sigh. "I don't know what it is Becky. Every time I think about them, I get this feeling I'm not supposed to go near them. It doesn't make any sense!"

"Don't worry about it dear. When we got married, we agreed to be a team. You know the two becomes one! Well this is my bit of the job now." I don't know how or why, but this was very reassuring. "How about talking to Aunt Rachel?"

"Do you think that will help? I figured it was just some sort of silliness my overworked brain came up with."

"Well Bill, if you don't ask her, you'll probably not ever find out. Wouldn't you rather know either way?"

"Ummm. Maybe."

"Come on Bill. It couldn't be that bad could it?"

"Maybe." I turned and grabbed my journal, hoping I wasn't making a big mistake. "I only gave you the summary of the dream Beck. Here's the whole thing." I handed her my dream journal with some trepidation. It really was a strange dream.

As she read, she looked up a number of times. "This IS a bit more than you said before Bill. I'd think you'd be more interested in finding out."

"Uhuh, but what if it actually happened Becky?"

"Bill, you were a kid playing with an aunt, at least until the end. What's the issue?"

"In the dream, I felt like I was enjoying myself. Guys shouldn't like that!"

"Bill, you were a kid. What kids do and what adults do are different things. I'll say that experimenting with dressing is much less of a problem than experimenting with drugs." At my hesitant nod, she continued. "And, if your aunt helped you with the experiment, that's probably not a bad thing either. You would have been less likely to have hurt your self. Another point as to it being a phase... When was the last time you wore a dress?" I must have looked a little startled at that as she continued. "See? Now thinking back, do you recall any time you might have done something like that?" At my nod she continued. "And, another thought you seem to have either ignored or forgotten. Perhaps it's not really you dreaming of yourself, but a dream of your sister, the one you can't remember and nobody talks about. Maybe you saw something as a kid, and since you can't remember your sister you're putting yourself in her place."

"I'd never thought of that Becky." Her alternate rationale for the dream was actually very reassuring. "Maybe I can ask her about that. It has been a while since my last visit. Maybe I should stop by this weekend for a bit. You want to come along?"

"We'll see Bill. It'll depend on whether I need to push Ginny and whether Ruth has time to watch her. Speaking of which, you're picking her up tomorrow aren't you?"

"Yes, I confirmed it with her last night. She's here for the weekend so you can do your meeting Monday morning and I don't have to cancel."

# - # - # - # - #

The next afternoon

"Hey kid, thanks for coming home again so soon."

"No problem dad. I'll get to ask Dr. Wong a few more questions in person. I also want to show her my outline, and reference list."

"How is that project coming?"

"It's been interesting dad. Would you believe some of the reference material has only been available the past few years through the freedom-of-information act?"

"Not surprising really. You said you were writing about our reaction to the soviets use of hypnotism to improve the effectiveness of their soldiers."

"I guess. I'm just glad the material's in the open again. Oh, and get this. That guy that taught your class?"

"Yes?"

"Hold onto your seat dad. He wrote some of those articles!"

"You have to be kidding." I said, the shock plain in my voice. "Why would a kid’s teacher or pediatric psychiatrist, if they called them that, have written something that needed classifying?"

"I'm not sure yet dad. Nothing in the article seems to be worthy of classification to me. But the government classifies some strange stuff."

I laughed at this, despite being a little concerned about the coincidence. "In any event, the week's been a bit busy on my end. I had a strange dream during the week, and told Dr. Flynn about it. As a result, she gave me a list of web sites to read up on stuff."

"What kinda stuff dad?"

As I'd been expecting the question, I indicated the envelope in the door well beside her. "It's in the envelope." I was nervous telling her that, but what else could I do. She was helping with things and if I started hiding stuff who knows how and when it would come out. I'd never keep straight who knew what. I'd always subscribed to honesty, but the way things were going, I was getting nervous. In fact the very silence from over there was disturbing. "Ruth?"

"Sorry dad. I just never though you'd be needing a list like this?"

"Apparently I sounded a bit bigoted in my reactions to the dream."

I heard an indrawn breath. "You've got to be kidding! I mean I remember what you did to Craig when he was going on about the teacher that came out two years ago. There's no way you're bigoted dad!"

"Well, I certainly sounded like it when the Doc asked if the dream could have happened Ruth. So maybe I need some more education... And that's the list Dr. Flynn gave me."

"Okay dad, what's this dream that has you so riled up?" I gave her a brief overview of the dream, and she saw how I might be surprised by it and the question. She also said she didn't understand why I'd reacted the way I had.

"Ruth, you're acting like you know what that trans whatever is?"

"Well, yea dad. I know someone that's been all the way through. She's a lovely lady now, but she still has nightmares. I even recognize some of these resources. She gave me a list like this one so I could understand where she was coming from better."

"I've not had time visit any yet. I was going to this evening. Maybe you can point me to where to start." I probably sounded a bit bemused at this point, because Ruth asked if she needed to drive. THAT got my attention. "No thanks Ruth. I'll do better now. Thanks for reminding me where I should be concentrating now."

# - # - # - # - #

That evening

This is interesting stuff. Some is not surprising I guess. But that there is so much information on something I didn't even have a hint was there. Ruth reminded me that there are Gays in our community. These sites are eye opening. If that dream were real, and not some passing fancy, it would have meant I was likely transgendered in some way. What a scary thought. But, that couldn't be, could it? I mean, I've never had thoughts about dressing or other in all the years I can remember. Oh well, I'd best clue Becky in on this info before tomorrow. I think. And, since Ruth is here, she may as well hear too.

Luckily Ginny was down for the night, I got Ruth & Becky and we talked for a good half hour or so. I showed Becky some of the information from the more descriptive site. Ruth's already seen it.

"Okay Bill, based on what you said earlier in response to Dr. Flynn's question, I can understand why she wanted you to look these up. If you've not run across someone going through transition, the way you move around from client to client, you will eventually and it's probably for the best that you know what it is and can be compassionate about his or her problems." To say I was surprised at her reaction would be putting it mildly. "Come on Bill, our state allows for same sex marriages. What's the difference? These are people born in the wrong body. They deserve our compassion."

"Woah honey, you're getting me wrong. I'm surprised you're so up on the topic not disagreeing. I'd no idea that transgender folks even existed and here you and Ruth are both not only aware of it, but know a good bit about the issues. Ruth explained her reason in the car today, but why are you so up on it?"

"Simple, that's what my presentation on Monday is all about. We're about to implement a new corporate policy in this area. We have an employee in our San Francisco office going through Transition right now, and we need this in place to protect him, and any others that may have to go through this in the future." She turned to Ruth "And where did you run into this sweety?"

"Someone at the Uni mom. I'd rather not say who."

"That's okay; he or she has every right to his or her privacy. I'm proud that you're willing to support this person." She turned back to me. "I think it was good that you read this tonight. No matter what Aunt Rachel says tomorrow, this doesn't sound like it applies to you. Right?"

"Um, Yea. If she confirms it, it was probably just a phase like you suggested. Well, since you already know this stuff and probably better than I do why don't we all just call it a night."

# - # - # - # - #

Sunday afternoon

"Becky, I'm glad you were able to come along. I'm really nervous about this. What if she just laughs?"

"Then she laughs Bill. And you chalk it up to a silly dream. Meanwhile she's fun to visit with in any event. Come on. Let's go see her."

With that, we took the elevator to her floor, and knocked on her door.

"Bill and Becky, what a pleasant surprise!"

"Hi Aunt Rachel. Becky and I were talking the other day, and realized how long it's been since we've been over to see you."

"You're such nice kids. You're always welcome you know. And, I will see you at your mom and dad's for Thanksgiving dinner in a few weeks! Would either of you like some tea? I've a fresh pot I just brewed."

We both took cups, and settled down in her living room to chat.

"Now, you youngsters are up to something. You're better than most about visiting, but you said I came up in conversation, and I know old ladies don't just come up out of nowhere in chats."

Well, I guess this was it. I had forgotten about that comment as we arrived. "Well, Aunt Rachel. I had a dream a few days ago, and you were in it."

"Mercy me. What could I have been doing in your dream? Don't tell me I was traveling the world, because I never have."

She had me laughing with her comment. "No, actually we were both in the dream. It was when I was a little kid."

She looked at me pretty hard with that. I'm not sure what the look meant though I would shortly.

"Oh? Care to describe the dream?"

"Umm. Well, it was in Grandpa and Grandma's house, and..." I started describing the dream looking toward the floor, not really wanting to see if she was laughing or not. Without comments from Aunt Rachel or Becky I just kept on telling the story. When I finally ground to a halt, I looked up at Becky and my heart almost stopped when I saw how big her eyes were.

"Well young man..." started Aunt Rachel

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To Be Continued… What does Aunt Rachel remember, if anything, of the events describe4d in the dream? Why does Becky know so much about the TG community? What about Ruth's reference about the Doc that taught Bill also published some papers that were classified?
 
Author’s Note: Thanks for all of your comments! They really help me, and encourage me to keep going on this story.