Previously…

There was a knock on my door.

‘Go away.’

There was another knock.

Sighing, I stood up. I had taken to jamming a chair up against the door to stop anyone coming in when I didn’t want them to; like when I’m wearing the few girlie things that I had or the one pink cotton nightie that I invariably wore to bed when I could. There were some undesirable residents in the home and wasn’t just talking about me and the last thing I wanted was to be disturbed.

Sighing, I opened the door and there was this imposing looking woman standing there in a fur coat and weird hat with feathers in it. She had a clipboard in her hand.

I groaned, another do-gooder, I thought.

She looked at me with a piercing gaze. Funny, she was old but she had lovely clear blue eyes that seemed to look into my very soul.

‘Yes?’

‘Mark?’

I nodded; I wasn’t about to tell her that I was in fact Sarah, in disguise.

‘My name is Lady Fairbairn, can I come in?’

And now the story continues…

I let her pass and she came into my room. I sat on the bed and she looked around, frowned and then asked if she could sit.

This was strange, as most people just did what they liked and didn’t ask my permission for anything. Mind you it sounded more like an order than a request.

I nodded and she put her humongous handbag on the floor and gracefully sat down.

She looked at her clipboard, frowned and then looked up at me.

‘Well um, Mark, it looks like you’ve been in a bit of trouble?’

‘Yes,’

‘Why is that?’

I just shrugged.

‘Not happy here?’

I shook my head.

‘You been in trouble with the police but been let orf with a caution, correct?’

‘Been drinkin’ ?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why have yer been stealin’ and drinkin’ Mark?’

She said all this with a softness that belied her rather stern appearance. She really seemed to care or was that just wishful thinking on my part?

My damned hormones started playing up as I felt a tear go down my cheek. I was so tired of everything. Here was someone who actually seemed to care and although she had only spoken to me for a few moments; maybe she was one of the good ones; even though she scared the effluent out of me.

I looked at her, could I trust her; should I trust her? What the hell – I took a deep breath and told her – everything.

‘I...I’m not really Mark, I’m S...Sarah.’

I glanced up at her, looking for the horror, scorn and rejection that I had experienced ever since my parents had died. There wasn’t anything like that, just compassion and perhaps a slight puzzled frown on her forehead.

‘Sarah... why are you Sarah, rather than Mark?’

Because she hadn’t laughed at me and seemed to genuinely care, I took a deep breath and told her my story about living in India with my parents, how I always thought that I was a girl; how my mum and dad had died and all the terrible things that happened to me since.

I told her about how I was worried about my body changing and my need to obtain pills that would stop me turning into a man and then the stealing to pay for the drugs, the depression and then the drinking to forget the pain and suffering I was going through.

By this time I was sobbing and found it difficult to speak. Somehow during my confession, for that was what it was, she had taken hold of my hand. Now she sat on the bed next to me and was holding me. It was nice, comforting and reassuring.

At last I finished and she just held me until I had calmed down.

‘Did you not tell the social services the yer consider yerself a girl?’ she asked as she offered me a delicate lace handkerchief, that I just instinctively knew hadn’t been bought at a pound shop.

‘I told the doctor just before I came here.’

‘And what did he or she say?’

‘It was a he. H...he said that it wasn’t his department, but he made note on his report. He didn’t seem that interested.’

‘Damn’ idiot; hang on a mo.’

She stood up suddenly, ,making the bed bounce up and down a bit and went over to the door, opened it and shouted, ‘Blenkinsop!’

I jumped at the noise.

‘You can probably hear her in the next county,’ I thought.

She then looked back at me and smiled, ‘I’ll be back in a tic.’

She shut the door behind her as she waited in the corridor.

I heard the sound of running feet and then Roger the Drip’s voice through the thin door.

‘Yes Lady Fairbairn?’ he asked in a sort of Uriah Heep sort of voice. I could imagine him wringing his hands...

‘Did yer know about Mark actually bein’ Sarah?’

‘What, I mean pardon Ma’am?’

‘Are ye deaf man? Sarah – I’ll call her that, as that is who she considers she is- told the authorities about her worries an’ concerns about her gender before she even came here. I repeat; did yer know about Sarah’s problems?’

‘No...I mean yes, but...’

‘Yes or no you blithering idiot?’

‘Yes, but we thought that it was just a passing phase and...’

‘Passing bloody phase, you cretin! Don’t yer know that it is rarely a passing phase and some kids actually commit suicide because no one listens?’

He mumbled something.

‘I don’t want damned excuses. Wait here.’

By this time, I was crying again. All my fears had been confirmed; the authorities knew about me and they had no intention of doing anything about it.

The door opened suddenly, making me jump slightly. My nerves were in tatters by now.

She came in, shut the door behind her, smiled and sat on the bed next to me again. I found myself being hugged and I wondered in passing about this Jekyll and Hyde character...

‘Alright Sarah, do you want to stay here or do you want to go somewhere where you are safe and where your problems will be sorted out?’ she asked softly.

I pulled away slightly and I looked at her face. I could see that she had damp eyes. I couldn’t believe that this tough old bird was capable of crying. Maybe she wasn’t as tough as I thought.

I had nothing to lose.

‘I...I...I want to go.’

‘All right Stay here for a few minutes, Sarah. I promise that I will be back. I need to speak to some people and knock a few heads together.’

With that, she kissed me on the forehead (which was totally unexpected, but rather nice), smiled and then went outside, closing the door gently behind her.

‘Roger,’ she bellowed, ‘come with me.’

‘Yes Ma’am.’

I stared at the closed door, smiling slightly.

She had called me Sarah and knew that I was a girl. I just hoped that she would help me and that I could finally be the girl I dreamed of.

~ §~

I lacked any faith or self assurance and after only five minutes, I started to have doubts. I began to wonder if I should have told her my innermost secrets. Had I made a terrible mistake?

She had been gone for about twenty minutes and I had convinced myself that she was not coming back and all my hopes, raised for a short time, would come to nothing.
Staring at the door, I willed for the knock which meant that she would be back. I could still hear a lot of noise outside, but I was too wrapped up in myself to take much notice. That dump was never quiet at the best of times.

I started suddenly at the knock on the door; I got up and opened it. Standing there was Roger the Drip and behind him, the lady.

Roger came in without asking, closely followed by the lady. He looked as white as a sheet and I wondered if he was feeling the pressure; I know I was.

‘Mark, is it true that you want to leave us?’ asked Roger.

I nodded, not saying anything.

‘Haven’t you been treated well here?’

‘I want to go,’ I replied not wanting to say anything about my time at the home. It wouldn’t have helped.

Roger looked at the lady, shrugged and then turned back to me and said, ‘well, good luck and I hope that things go well with you.’

He turned and with a nod to the lady, left the room, closing the door after him.

Like before, I sat on the bed and the lady sat next to me and took hold of my hand.

‘Well Sarah, it’s like this, I don’t think that I mentioned it, but I am a patron of this place and a few others besides. I have had reports that things were not going very well here and I decided to do a spot inspection. I brought along a number of people, professionals, social workers and such like to see what, if any of the reports that I have been receivin’ are true. I will not go into any great detail about my findings, but I can say that I am very unhappy about the way this place is being run and the affects that it has had on the children here. Heads will roll.’

I almost felt pity for what was going to happen to those people...almost.

‘You,’ she continued, ‘in particular, appear to have been ignored when you needed help and have been allowed to slip through the safety net that was in place specifically to prevent problems happenin’. You have asked to leave and leave you shall. You are under my protection now and you will not be hurt again and I will do everythin’ in my power to make things right for you. Do you believe me?’

I nodded,

She smiled.

‘Good, I wouldn’t blame yer if yer didn’t. Right, I want you to pack your things and be ready ter go in ten minutes; can you do that for me?’

I nodded.

‘Good girl; get crackin’ then and I’ll see yer shortly. When you are packed just wait here and I’ll come for yer.’

In a dream, I packed my few possessions, including my few, but all important girlie things, and to be honest I was ready in five minutes. Shortly after, she was back, bringing a man who looked a bit like a chauffeur, complete with a grey uniform and peaked cap. He looked at me, smiled, winked and then picked up my case when asked to do so by the lady.

‘Come along then,’ she said, ‘do you want to say goodbye to anyone?’

I shook my head. I had made no friends there.

The corridors were empty and I wondered where everyone was. In a dream I followed the man and lady out and then I stopped at the entrance. There was a Rolls Royce standing there.

‘Come along Sarah,’ said the lady, ‘don’t dawdle.’

The rear door of the car was open and she got in and then motioned for me to get in beside her. The chauffeur put my bags into the boot and then closed the boot and then the rear door. After that, he got into the driver’s seat stated the car and we almost silent drove off.

I didn’t look back.

A glass window slid up between the front and back of the car.

‘Now Sarah, I need to tell yer what is goin’ to happen now. I am takin’ you ter a private clinic and a sympathetic doctor is goin’ ter give you the once over. You’ve been takin’ tablets that yer shouldn’t have and you need to be checked out and we need ter make sure that you are all right.’

I nodded as I kind of expected this. I just hoped and prayed that I would be allowed to carry on with my tablets, as I couldn’t live if I started to develop as a male.

‘After that, if all’s well, you can come and stay with me for a while. I have the permission of the authorities, my name carries a bit of weight and I know a few people. Does that suit you?’

I nodded. I was doing a lot of nodding lately!

After about twenty minutes, we drove through some gates and stopped in front of some double doors. The chauffeur leapt out and opened the door for the lady and I followed behind.

Holding my hand, the lady went up the steps and into the building. It looked like a hotel reception inside with marble everywhere except on the floor which was covered in an expensive looking deep pile carpet.

‘Sit there Sarah,’ said the lady, pointing at a leather sofa.

I did as I was told while the lady went over to the receptionist and had a few words. The receptionist seemed to almost jump to attention when the lady spoke to her. I think that she had that effect on most people. The lady then came over to me and sat down beside me.

‘The doctor won’t be long, she’s seeing another patient and your room is bein’ prepared.

‘Will I be staying here?’

‘I hope not, but you might be here a few hours for tests an yer might as well be comfortable while you’re here.’

Not long after that a nurse came out of a side room and asked us to follow her.

We were shown into a bedroom that looked like one from a posh hotel. Carpets everywhere tasteful wallpaper, paintings on the walls, discrete lighting...you get the picture.

‘Right Sarah, I would like you to undress and put on the gown.’

She pointed to the white garment on the bed.

‘I’ll be back shortly to take some bloods and then the doctor will see you.’

‘Get yourself out of those togs young Sarah I’ll be back in a minute.’

She smiled reassuringly and then left me to it. I think that she just wanted to give me some privacy.

I slowly undressed, folded my clothes and put them on a chair and then slipped on the gown. It was one of those that left my back slightly exposed, but least it had some ties to give me a little bit of modesty.

A few seconds later, the nurse came in and took about an armful of blood. It wasn’t nice being a pincushion, but I knew it was necessary.

After that, I just sat on the bed wondering what would next happen to me. There was a knock on the door and a woman came in. She was wearing a white coat and she had a stethoscope hanging out of her pocket. I cleverly deduced that she was a doctor. The nurse who did vampire thing with needles followed her in.

‘Right Sarah, what have you been up to?’

I was pleased that she said that with a smile on her face.

‘Erm.’ I replied intelligently.

She sat down on a chair and continued.

‘Come on Sarah, I haven’t seen your notes yet, as the doctor you are registered with seems a bit slow in sending them to us. It’s all digital now so it’s only a few presses on a keyboard, but anyway, just tell me all about what you have been doing and I’ll chase up your GP surgery later.’

I saw no point in hiding things and I assumed that Lady F would have told her about me anyway.

‘I...I was worried about male puberty and I read on line that if I took birth control pills...’

I told her what I had told Lady F. She didn’t seem that shocked but I could see that she was less than pleased about what I had done.

‘How long have you been taking the pills?’

‘Three or four months.’

‘Have you got them with you?’

I stood up and went over to my coat; I had the remains of a foil strip in my pocket, I then handed them to her and sat back down on the bed.

Doctor Saunders (she had a name tag) looked at them and then frowned.

‘These are quite strong; pity, I was hoping that they were mini pills, much safer although not as good as...well never mind that. I’m not going to preach at you. You knew what you were doing and you also knew that there are side effects and possible health issues with taking these in the amounts you have been doing. I need to give you an examination; are you okay with that?’

I nodded, relieved that she hadn’t shouted at me for being stupid.

‘Right, slip your gown off and let’s have a look at you.’

I won’t go into any great detail about the examination. If you have had one, you know about it, if you haven’t you don’t want to know. She did raise her eyebrows at my budding breasts and the size of my boy bits, never big at the best of times (thank God!) But didn’t say anything except, once again asking me how long I had been taking the pills.

After she had finished, she turned to the nurse.

‘Check to see if the MRI scanner is free, would you nurse?’

‘We’ll have a chat a bit later. I want you to have a scan while you are here and a few other tests. Then we’ll meet up this afternoon. I need to check and sort out a few things first and get the results through.’

The scanner was free evidently and I was given a robe and led down to a corridor to a room that held the MRI scanner. Lady F had asked me if I would be alright for a while as she had some things to do. I was okay with that as all this medical stuff was a bit embarrassing.

The MRI scan was a bit boring actually. I laid flat on my back in a metal tube, wearing headphones which pumped out soothing classical music. I was told to stay as still as possible which was difficult, as my nose itched. I was in there for about thirty minutes, but it felt like hours, eventually it was over and I was led back to my room. Then the nurse asked me to pee into a jar, which I found difficult to do with her in the room, even though I was behind some curtains. The nurse realised my embarrassment and left me to it for a few moments.

A little while later, I was sitting on the bed getting mega-bored, when the nurse came back into the room.

‘All done, good; you can get dressed now. ’

She left me to myself taking the jar and regretfully my pills with her, as I slowly proceeded to get dressed. I still only had, apart from my panties, boy’s things to wear, so I had little choice but to dress yet again in clothes that I detested.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

‘Are yer decent?’

‘Yes.’ I replied.

Lady F opened the door and came in.

‘Had yer medical MRI thingy and other stuff done? Good show. We’ll sort yer out, don’t worry. Had a word with the medico, she’s goin’ ter look at the blood, wee tests and MRI results and then have a word with yer GP, if she can get in touch and then she’ll be back this afternoon.’

‘Will she bring me my pills?’ I asked hopefully.

‘No; yer do know that what yer were takin was causin’ yer harm?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You are not stupid Sarah, yer know what I mean. You must have been aware of the side effects and possible complications when yer take those pills?’

I didn’t say any more, as I did know, but I had been desperate. I just hoped that I wasn’t going to be made to take different pills to make me manlier. I would rather die than do that.

I looked down, not wanting to show my expression, which I knew was defiance. I had been through a lot and I wasn’t about to be pushed off the tracks to my journey to girlhood, even by someone who had been so nice to me.

‘Sarah, look at me.’

I glanced up.

‘I promise yer that I will not let anyone make yer be what yer don’t want to be. Those pills are dangerous though and yer must stop takin’ them. The doc said that she won’t have the answers ter the tests for about two hours. How about yer getting’ dressed and I’ll take you fer a bite to eat?’

I just nodded, not trusting to say anything. My levels of trust were still a bit low; understandable after all the let downs I had had in my life. Actions would speak louder than any words she might say and I wasn’t going to take anything on a promise. I would see what happened and then, if necessary and things didn’t go the way I wanted, I would do a runner.

I stood up and went over to my clothes, eyeing them distastefully.

‘Not happy with the clothes?’ asked Lady F, following me over.

I shook my head; apart from the panties, they were all boys’ things and I hated to wear boys’ clothes.

I turned as Lady F went over to the door, opened it; outside stood the chauffeur who handed her two carrier bags.

‘Thank you Smith. We shall need the car in say twenty minutes?’

‘Smith has two daughters. I took the liberty of asking him to contact them for advice and then go and get some emergency supplies. Your clothes sizes were in yer notes and I asked him ter pop into the nearest department store and seek advice regarding size conversions and such like.’

She handed me the bags.

‘I’ll wait for ye outside. If yer hate the stuff or they don’t fit, we’ll get them changed. I believe that there is somethin’ called a sports bra in there somewhere. In my day...well never mind that; it’s supposed to be stretchy, so it should be all right. We’ll sort out more normal bras a bit later if we have time. That’s one thing that needs to fit properly; a badly fittin’ bra is hellish, and I wouldn’t trust Smith to get that right, he’s only a man! You have about fifteen minutes, is that enough time?’

I nodded, feeling a bit speechless.

She went out and left me to it. Putting the bags on the bed, I peeked in the first one, something in blue denim...

It was a pair of jeans, boot cut with embroidery on the pockets. It wasn’t a skirt, but this was the winter and most girls wore jeans a lot in the winter. It wasn’t as if I was going clubbing.

The next item was a round necked blouse; white, rather plain, but soft and silky with a single button closure at the back. Under that was a pink LA Gear hoodie that went well with the jumper and jeans. Finally there was a pack of 3 white sports bras, 5 plain white panties and three pair of socks in pink, black and dark blue.

This was a bit like Christmas!

I left the clothes on the bed and then eagerly looked in the other bag. On top was a dark pink Puffa quilted gilet that went well with the hoodie and jeans. Under that was a pair of trainers; black Nike air ones with, you guessed it, pink laces.

Did I say that I liked pink?

With a smile, I quickly took off the hideous gown and got dressed in ‘my’ new girls’ clothes. I didn’t know Mr Smith’s daughters or the shop assistant who helped him chose these things, but I was grateful as they all looked wonderful and girlie! I would thank them if I ever got the chance.

I was amazed that everything fitted okay, even the white Lycra bra, although a bit tight, it fitted me like a glove...oh, you know what I mean!

I finger combed my hair so that it looked slightly more feminine, but knew that it needed a proper cut to really make it look nice. It was longish, touching my shoulders, but still too boyish for my taste. I had taken a lot of crap over the fact that I liked my hair long.

Just as I slipped on the Puffa jacket, there was yet another knock on the door.

‘Are yer decent?’

‘Yes,’ I shouted.

Lady F came in and looked me up and down critically and then shook her head. I wondered if I looked awful or worse still too much like a boy in girls clothes...

‘How anyone in their right mind would ever think that you were a girl... Mind you, in my day, we weren’t allowed jeans; skirts and dresses – jodhpurs if yer were goin’ huntin’. Ah well, I suppose you gels have ter keep up with the fashions. Have ter do somethin’ with yer hair, damn’ disaster, but nothin’ a good salon can’t sort out. I suppose you would want some cosmetics? Hmm, I thought so. In my day...well never mind that now. Come along young Sarah, let’s go and get some nosh.’

We left the clinic. Outside was the Roller and the chauffeur had the rear door open for us to get in. Lady F got in first and I followed but not before I thanked Mr Smith for buying my nice new clothes.

‘That’s all right Miss, My girls helped me using Skype to see what was on offer and the shop assistant was very helpful too...’

‘We haven’t got all day, damn yer, my stomach thinks that me throats been cut. Get to it young Smith and Sarah; get in before yer catch yer death of cold. I hate the damn’ winter; give me the Bahamas any day...’

Grinning, I got in the car and the door almost silently closed behind me.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Hmm...’

~ §~

The restaurant wasn’t a Wimpy or a Maccy D. It was up market, posh, silver service and a ‘Would Modom care to follow me,’ type of place. It was somewhere that jeans were probably frowned upon, but when you have rolled up in a erm, Roller and one of the passengers is a Milady, doors are opened and such niceties such as a teenager inappropriately dressed is pushed under the expensive, plush carpet.

We were shown over to a corner table and our order was taken, double quick time. I wanted burger and chips, but it wasn’t a burger and chips restaurant. Instead, as this was just a late lunch, I was given Sandwich De Bifteck et pommes frites, which, I was told, was as close as they got to what I asked for!

It was strange in the restaurant being dressed as a girl. No one paid much attention to me. Ladies didn’t scream and leave the restaurant at the sight of me. Little kids didn’t laugh or point at the strange creature sitting with the weird lady wearing the funny fur coat. I was just being treated as a normal person; a normal girl type person.

We didn’t talk much during the meal as I think that lady Fairbairn preferred to eat rather than chat. At the coffee stage, where I had a coke and she sipped on her hot drink, she did draw me out a bit further regarding my past and all that had happened to me and seemed very interested about my life in India. She wanted to know about my parents and had a strange look on her face when I spoke about them. But then she shook her head as if dismissing a thought and proceeded to go on about the moles on her lawns and the trouble she had trying to get rid of them!

I almost distractedly listened to her as I ate. In the back of my mind was the worry about what the doctor would say when we went back to the clinic. The results of a lot of the tests would be available and there would be some sort of verdict about my condition. I didn’t say anything to Lady F, but as the time drew near to us returning to the clinic, I was starting to feel more and more panicky. Lady F must have sensed this.

‘Sarah, you don’t need to worry. Whatever happens, I’ll be there ter give yer all the help that yer need. We’ll face this together, alright?’

I nodded.

She looked at the gold watch on her wrist.

‘Right, let’s go and get all this sorted out.’

I followed her out of the restaurant. She didn’t pay the bill and just said to the waiter as we passed, ‘complements ter the chef.’ and then breezed out with me following closely behind. The fact that we were not stopped by security, kind of gave me the impression that she had an account there or some sort of an arrangement.

Mr Smith was outside with the car and had the back door opened, like before. Soon we were on the way back to the clinic. I think that Lady F realised that I was nervous as she kept up a conversation that didn’t need me to do or say anything other than nod or shake my head.

‘...so I told Winston that accordin’ to the Americans in all those dam’ films that came out after the war; they won the dam’ thing all by themselves. Bloody cheek, we were fightin’ the Germans years before them. Don’t blame the soldiers, damn’ fine bunch of men, but Hollywood, that’s a different kettle o’ fish...’

I zoned out. I couldn’t think of anything other than what the doctor would say. I was dreading arriving at the clinic and yet at the same time, I couldn’t wait to get it over with; a bit like waiting at the dentist to have a filling.

We drew up outside the clinic and in next to no time I was sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the doctor to arrive.

‘Don’t worry Sarah, she won’t be long...’

Just then the door opened and Doctor Saunders came in carrying a sheaf of papers.

‘Sorry to keep you waiting,’ she said as she sat down. She glanced at me and smiled.

‘I see that you are wearing girls’ clothes now; you look very pretty.’

I blushed.

‘Now down to facts; when I examined you, I was somewhat surprised at what I saw. You haven’t been taking pills for that long and although they are a strong prescription, I wouldn’t have expected that level of change. Your genitals showed a marked level of immaturity and I was somewhat concerned about the state of your testes, being small and showing signs of atrophy; do you understand all this?’

I nodded, worried that I was ill or something. I had a sick feeling in my stomach about what I was hearing.

‘Good, well as you know, we took some blood and urine and although I won’t get the results of all of tests for a few days, I have some preliminary results. I suspect that you have PAIS or partial androgen insensitivity syndrome. This means that your body's tissues are partially sensitive to the effects of androgens. People with partial androgen insensitivity, which is sometimes also called Reifenstein Syndrome, can have normal female sex characteristics, both male and female sex characteristics, or normal male sex characteristics. They may be raised as males or as females, and may have a male or a female gender identity. People with mild androgen insensitivity are born with male sex characteristics, but are often infertile and tend to experience breast enlargement at puberty, hence your breast enlargement. Do you have problems passing urine?’

‘Sorry?’

‘When you go to the toilet, do you spray about much?’

‘Erm, yes, I normally sit down, otherwise it gets messy.’

The doctor nodded.

‘That is because your urethral opening is on the underside of your penis. The condition is known as Hypospadias...’

‘Will I die?’ I asked, my voice quavering.

She smiled.

‘NO, you won’t die. We just need to help you make a decision as to the way forward. One thing I can say is that almost certainly you are infertile. Have you had any erections?’

My face felt hot; it was an embarrassing subject! I looked at Lady F who was examining her nails closely.

‘No,’ I whispered.

‘Not even a twitch, in the mornings when you wake up, say?’

I shook my head.

‘You have no facial or body hair to speak of and you look physically like a girl that has just entered puberty but with extra bits.’

‘Can I get rid of my extra bits?’

‘Well, we need to do more tests starting early in the New Year. The MRI scans don’t show anything that we need worry about at the moment, but, as I say, it would be best to try to sort you out early in the New Year. You need to see a psychiatrist to make sure that you are mentally okay with remaining as a girl and to talk through any issues that you might have...’

‘I’m not mad!’ I said.

‘No one is saying that you are mad...’

‘Can I take my pills still?’

‘No, they are not meant for you and are dangerous. Because of your PAIS, you will not develop as a boy anyway, so we have time to sort all of your problems out.’

‘I won’t get all hairy and break out in muscles?’

She smiled.

‘There’s little danger in that. Going back to your gender problems, I know that you want to be a girl and you are a long way down that road already, but we have to make sure that the next steps we take are the right ones for you. Be patient, we will sort you out sooner rather than later. Now, I want you back here on January the second. Bring some nightclothes with you as you will be staying for at least a few days. By then all the results will be in. can you do that for me?’

I looked at Lady F who nodded slightly.

‘Yes, I’ll be here.’

‘Good, well I have to go and see some really sick patients now, not healthy looking girls like you. I’ll see you in a few weeks. Have a happy Christmas and New Year.’

With a nod at Lady F she left us.

Lady F looked at me.

‘At least you know where you stand now, Sarah. It looks like you have been closer to a girl than a boy since you were born.’

‘Yes.’

I still hadn’t taken in all that was said to me. Was I girl or a boy? It seemed that my body was rejecting the boy side of me and that was why I was developing as a girl; then there was the penis thing. I could never write my name in the snow...

‘Penny for your thoughts?’

‘Erm...what happens now?’

She looked at me, a slight smile playing on her lips.

‘Well Sarah, I think that we ought ter get yer some more clothes, get yer to a salon and then get out of the city and go ter somewhere that’s rather nice and have a lovely Christmas. Would you like that?

I felt my worries lift a bit. I remembered that the last Christmas that I was actually happy was the last one with my parents in India.

‘Yes please,’ I replied, smiling.

‘Have you ever been to Penmarris?’

---

To Be Continued…

Please leave comments…thanks! ~Sue