No sooner are we through the door when Robbie comes bouncing up to us, “Mom Grandma Stephens wants Jessie over in the morning to go to church with her. She doesn’t need to wear her new dress to church but Grandma wants to see it after church.”

Mom tells Jessie, “Go on and change out of your dress and hang it up real nice. Rachel can you go with her and make sure she does it right.” Jennifer stays, but Tami sneaks away behind Rachel and Jessie.

Jessie is up in her room changing out of her dress, having handed the jacket to Rachel after Rachel started the zipper down the back of her dress. Jessie steps out of the dress, holds it like a dance partner, and then hangs it up. She steps out of her slip and then begins to pull off her pantyhose. Rachel says, “You better stop there before you show too much to Tami.

Jessie tries to catch herself as she starts to scream, “Tami!” Breath, “What are you doing up here?”

Tami rolls down onto the floor, “Seeing more than I ever intended. I intended to ask if you’re doing anything to lose weight. Wow, I didn’t think you would show me where you lost it.”

Jessie reaches in her closet for the first skirt she can grab and quickly has it halfway up her legs. “Yuck Rachel, it’s one of your old mini-skirts.”

Rachel says, “Hurry and put it on and put this top on.” She turns to Tami, “Do not tell anyone downstairs how far this got.” Jessie’s top is a mismatch of a short mini-skirt, an over-sized bulky sweater. Rachel reaches into the closet and hands Jessie a pretty pink blouse. “Hear change tops and put this on.”

Once downstairs, Jessie’s Mom asks, “What was the scream a little while ago?”

Rachel says, “Jessie went too far in taking her clothes off, not realizing that Tami was there.”

Jessie yells at her sister, “I thought you told Tami, we weren’t telling Mom?”

Rachel laughs back, “Yes, I told Tami not to. I didn’t want her to get in trouble, but you and I, we don’t lie to Mom.”

“Next time let me get myself in trouble, I don’t need your help!”

Mom asks, “Could you have found a shorter skirt to wear here?”

Jessie looks down, pulling at the hem. “I grabbed the first thing I could reach after I knew Tami was there.”

Rob couldn’t resist speaking up, “I’m surprised you could grab the one with the least amount of material.”

“Damn Rob, you don’t need to speak up for me either.”

Dad said, “Especially as a young lady you shouldn’t be speaking like that. Now apologize.”

“I apologize to everyone, especially our guests, but right now it has been hard to remember my manners, girl or otherwise.” Jessie plunks herself down on the sofa next to Jennifer. Tami sits next to her on the other side, apologizing to Jessie. “You look like you could be a ballet dancer in your short skirt.”

After the guests leave, Jessie’s Mom follows her up to her bedroom. Jessie says, “I hope I’m not in more trouble. I said I was sorry and I meant it.”

“You’re not in trouble for that please sit down I need to ask some questions.” Jessie sat on her bed and her Mom sits so she can face her. “Jessie, have you been into Rachel’s pills or anything else?”

“No Mom, you told me not to and I did what you said.”

Mom asks, “Are you doing anything else?” Jessie’s head bows, “Nothing bad.” Mom says, “Show me what you’re using.”

Jessie goes to her underwear drawer and pulls out a used bottle of women’s diet pills, handing them to her mother. “I’ve also been eating your breakfast bars, but I think you knew that.”

Her Mom says, “I guess these diet pills work, but they’re for women. I suggest you not take any more until we can talk with Dr. Beth. Is there anything else you haven’t told me about?”

“No Mom, I’m not trying to keep any secrets. Since the diet pills aren’t prescription and sold at GNC I assumed they’re okay.”

“Did Jessie or Jeff buy them,” her Mom asked?

Jessie responded openly, “I did, I’m Jeff also.”

“If you did it as Jeff they might have cautioned you.” We talked a short while longer, “You should take a good shower and get to bed. Do you want me to stay with you at Grandma Stephen’s when I take you?”

Jessie, “Rachel said she’d go if she can get herself out of bed on time. I guess it would be nice if you or everyone could go.”

Mom was back up after I took my shower and was ready for bed, “Mom, why did you come back up?”

She said, “I want you to know I'll come up just because I love you. I also wanted a chance to tuck you in if you're ready for bed.” Jessie hugged her and quickly got into bed. There her mother tucked her in, and it appeared she said a little prayer before kissing her.

Morning came early, not as early as a school day, but early just the same. Mom appeared partly dressed in a robe. She already had my new dress wrapped in plastic on its hanger. The new red skirt was out along with the print top. Jessie joked, “Do you want to select my panties and bra as well?”

Mom giggled, “You have your own mind, and you can choose something else if it is as nice.” It is what Jessie was planning to wear. She is soon downstairs and talking across the kitchen. “Mom, I want to wear my new stockings but I don’t know how to hold them in place?”

Mom smiles as she walks over to me and talks in a softer voice. “I think your stockings are the new thigh-high or stay up stockings. They should be capable of staying up on their own. That is if you are careful not to stretch them too much. Do they have pretty lacework at the top?”

“Yea, that’s one of the reasons I’m wearing them though no one will see the lace,” Jessie says as she shyly looks up. She is still embarrassed as Jeff by some of the things she talks about. She ate a small bowl of yogurt, blueberries, and a little cereal. She did not want her tummy growling during the worship service.

She enjoyed putting on the white pair of her new stockings. She lifted her skirt so she could see her legs in the mirror. Rachel had come up to check on her and remarked, “You’re becoming a little fashion diva.”

“I am not. If you got to be my age and this was the first time you got to wear stockings, you’d be excited too.”

“Relax little sis, I meant it as a compliment. I think you are very good at selecting pretty clothes and particularly what looks good on you. Not every girl is so blessed. If you want to come down to my room to do your makeup, I would enjoy your company.”

There was not much to do in getting ready for church. The makeup was light, even the mist of perfume was very lite. Jessie has a strange confession. “I still have trouble feeling comfortable without an undershirt.” Rachel giggles lightly, “And I suspect Jeff will soon be missing wearing nice panties or feeling a bra strap on his shoulder.”

Jessie was amused, that it was her mother, sister, and herself going to Grandma’s. “Why is it so much trouble for Robbie and Dad to get up and go to church? They don’t have to do as much as we do.”

Her Mom said, “Just over a month ago, you would still be sleeping.”

“I would have complained, but I always do what Grandma wants. I’m just surprised she wanted me to go to church dressed as a girl.” Rachel says, “I think she believes you’re becoming her granddaughter.”

Grandma greets us as we come up to her porch. Mom asks, “What is so special that you wanted Jessie to go to church with you?”

“Darby Jacobs called me earlier in the week, hoping I could get Jessie to come to church. She says, "It’s a youth Sunday and they’re leading this service. They’re wanting other young people to be there to hear them. Jessie should bring her dress in to show me later as we should be getting to church.”

We were walking into the church when Darby came running up to me. “Jessie, we are acting out the Scripture reading of John 9, we want you to be one of the crowd. Would you please?” She was already pulling me down the side aisle to the front of the church.

I was surprised that the crowd and Pharisees instead of being amazed that a blind man was healed, were upset and doubting. Even after I helped with the reading, a high school member asked me from the pulpit, “What did you think of the crowd Jessie?”

“You don’t want to hear what I’m thinking.” The person insisted, “But I do?”

“I thought it was rude that they weren’t accepting of him, especially the Pharisees! I thought they were like church people.”

The high school person said, “We were hoping you’d be like your Grandma and say what you’re thinking. Even if you thought we didn’t want to hear it.” I was surprised.

He went onto say, “It is easy for people to get bogged down in rules and laws and squeeze the love of God out of the equation.” He turns back to ask, “Jessie, can you think how that might fit with the church today?”

Jessie says, “You’re asking the wrong person, I’m not much of a church person. I usually only come with my Grandma. …It seems churches talk a lot about love, forgiveness, and acceptance, but your actions don’t always match your words. I think there are a lot of different people you would have trouble accepting. I’m surprised that you’re even asking a person like me.”

The music was lively and I guess the thoughts running through the service were about the love of God. I had mixed feelings when people complimented me for being part of the service.

I did like that Darby remembered me. I was surprised I had feelings stirring inside of me when Matt came to talk with me.

Grandma said from behind, “Did you know that Darby dances ballet? You should tell her about your going to the ballet last night.”

Darby becomes excited, “Were you at the ballet at the University last night? I don’t dance enough to be really good. I like jazz and modern dance more.”

Jessie is excited, “It was my first time going to a ballet. We went out for dinner, I bought a special dress just to attend the ballet.”

Darby asks if Jessie has pictures, so she shows several that Tami and her sister sent to her phone. Jessie asks about Darby. Darby is distracted and looks at Jessie again. “You’re friends with Tami Johnson? She was in our dance group until she moved three years ago.”

Soon Jessie is back at Grandma’s and Grandma insists Jessie model her new dress before they go out for dinner. Grandma remarks to Rachel about her new gown, “I am going to miss you, young lady when you wear that on your trip. You are growing in so many ways and it will be soon that I lose you to college.”

Rachel says, “It is too bad that the wedding is Dad’s niece Grandma. I would like you to be there with us. But it looks like you have another granddaughter to spoil as you watch her grow up.”

Grandma says, “So you too think she’s here to stay?”

Rachel says, “Somehow Jeff is going to school tomorrow. I kind of want Jeff back, but then I think he’ll do good to graduate from eighth grade.”

Jessie comes out to show off herself wearing the new dress but can tell something has happened. Jessie looks every bit the young lady, and there are no signs of Jeff. Mom comments that Jessie is wearing stockings. Jessie comments, “Mom is telling you now since I can’t lift my dress all the way to show them off.”

Grandma says, “She is raising a young lady, not a little girl.”

That night and the next morning was an anxious time, as Jeff worked to make sure there were no signs of Jessie come school time? It did not stop him from having dreams, a thousand thoughts racing through his mind as he drifted off to restless sleep. Jeff had a strong desire that people saw him. He was thankful to have his guy earrings.

Different than he thought, the boy underwear was not such a pleasant thing to wear again, but it was part of him. He softened a bit when he sat with Tami and April for lunch. Tami commented that she was impressed in seeing Jeff, “But I miss seeing…”

Jeff asked, “Are you still friends with Darby Jacobs?” The expression changed on Tami’s face. Jeff had to ask, “Does she know about me?” Even April’s expression said something was known. "Can we talk after school?”

Tami whispered, “She didn’t know it was you. I had not thought that she’d know you.”

The rest of the school day was in a fog. Jeff was excited that it would be him who walked with Tami to her house; he was anxious certain that Darby now knew Jessie was a boy. Jeff said, “I didn’t realize when I showed Darby a picture of you in your new dress with you that you knew each other.”

Tami said, “She saw the same picture from me but she didn’t say anything about knowing you.”

Jeff asked, “Does she know Jessie is really a boy?”

“She knew you bought that dress yesterday and then I sent this picture when I got back home.”

Jeff says, “But that would mean she knew about me before church yesterday when I showed her the picture?”

Tami said, “She couldn’t believe you were already her friend and how comfortable she is with you. I didn’t understand what she meant but she said, ‘It made the service that much more important.’ She was sorry she became quiet, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She thought you might be uncomfortable with her knowing. She still wants to be friends if you’re open to it.”

Tami continued, “I hope you don’t mind, but I told her you still think of yourself like a guy.”

Jeff asked, “Do you have trouble seeing me as a guy?”

“You are more like the regular Jeff I know. I didn’t know if you were trying to prove to me or yourself that you’re a guy,” Tami said? Tami asks, “Did you know I thought Jeff was already sweet and I don’t mean gay? I’m sweet on you.”

Jennifer comes down from her room, “Did you tell him the problem Darby has with Jessie?”

Jeff says, “Yes!” Tami says, “No.” Jeff quickly says, “You just did.”

Tami says, “That’s not the problem.” Tami is waving for her sister to speak on.

Jennifer giggles as she’s talking, “Her brother Matt is taken with you. I mean Jessie, he told his sister he wants to date you.” Jeff is relieved for the first time that he cannot date until he’s fifteen years old. Though there is a tinge he feels inside. ‘Is it Jessie that Matt wanted to date her?’

It was Tuesday evening when Mrs. Preston approaches Jeff about being quite quiet the past two days. “Jeff are you excited about seeing Dr. Hunt tomorrow as Jessie? You’ve done quite well Jeff, but you have been unusually quiet.”

He says, “I am very pleased that those who thought otherwise, saw that I am still Jeff.”

His Mom asks, “Were you trying to prove a point?”

Jeff says, “Except for the underwear I’ve been very comfortable as Jeff. Did I tell you that Tami even told me she’s attracted to me? Though she encouraged me to put on some lipstick as we studied today.”

“Are you comfortable with me bringing you home early from school and changing so you can visit Dr. Hunt as Jessie,” his Mom inquired? He pointed to two outfits hanging at the front of his closet. “I like the blue dress and sweater, better. The brown skirt and sweater are a bit more conservative, do you think I should wear it instead?”

Mom asks, “What would Jessie like the most? If you’re going to ask anyone maybe it should be Rachel.”

Jeff says, “Rachel and Jessie both agree that Jessie is more girly.” He changes the subject, “Mom did you know I forgot to clean off the nail polish from my toes? I had gym class but was lucky no one noticed my toes.”

Mom said, “Is that what smelled when you came home Monday?”

“I didn’t stink Mom, Tami would have said something?"

She said, “Tami couldn’t ask you to take a shower there. From what you said, she was a bit preoccupied explaining about Jessie and Darby.”

“Tomorrow, Mom you might need to help me with my makeup and hair. I don’t want to be late getting to our appointment. Yet I want to look nice as Jessie.”

Mom says, “You told me that there is a county LGBT group, but you haven’t said if you’d ever want to go to a meeting?”

“I thought about it and it meets tomorrow night. I kind of want to go and dressed as Jessie might be a good time. But that would make for a long day. I think I need to wait until after I meet with Dr. Hunt if I decide to go. If Dr. Hunt has a group, I’d be more open going to it.”

After their mother went downstairs, Robbie knocked on the door and came into Jeff’s room. “Why did you knock brother, you know you can always come in,” Jeff said?

Robbie said, “That might be true with Jeff. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

It was like Robbie and me just to sit and not say much. He asked me, “Kendra’s birthday is coming up and I was wondering if you had any ideas for a birthday present.” Jeff smiled, knowing it was Jessie who was to have the answer.

“If you take her out, you should get her a simple but nice necklace or bracelet.”

It was at lunch that Tami whispered in my ear, “How are you doing Jessie?”

Jeff asks quietly, “How did you know?”

She slips a note, “Jeff’s sensitive, but there’s a softness to Jessie. I sensed you’re present even though Jeff is showing.” Jeff wished today he could go to Tami’s.

It was two-thirty when his mother picked him up from school, it would give Jeff time to transform into Jessie completely if so wished. When they got home, his Mom helped him learn to put on his breast forms himself. “You should have the capability of doing things for yourself as Jessie.” It took added time and effort which they had because Mom got him early from school. Jessie made sure the seams of the forms were nicely hidden.

Jessie brushed out her hair and used some hair clips to transform her hair into a more feminine look. The makeup was light yet dramatically added to the change of appearance. Because she had worked on her fingernails this morning she could quickly do them as well. She loved the deep bright red she had chosen. Her mother said, “It looks like you have learned a lot watching your sister.” Jessie was impressed, very delighted with how she looked as they headed to Dr. Beth’s.

“Mom, why are we going so soon, do we need to fill out more forms when we get there?”

Mom said, “I thought we could enjoy a stop at the botanical center. You’ve enjoyed it before and we haven’t been there this time of the year.” With the end of winter and spring flowers taking their time showing, it was a welcomed sight of luscious green leaves and colorful flowers. Several of the trees had blossomed and the scent was different as we walked around. We even enjoyed sitting and a little refreshment. When it came time to leave, Mom commented, “This has been a most enjoyable and relaxing time with you.”

“Mom, do you think it was because I see myself as Jessie?”

She said, “I don’t want to read too much into it. Usually, like Jeff, you are either active in moving around observing or you tend to become restless.”

Once we arrived and Dr. Beth Hunt’s office, I informed the receptionist we were there and then used the women’s room to check my appearance. I freshened my lipstick and added a little color to my eyes.

I was not happy that a nurse took me back to take a blood sample before going to Dr. Hunt’s office. Dr. Hunt greeted me, “It is nice to see you, Jessie.”

Besides me saying thank you, she waited and then asked, “Has anything happened since our last visit?”

“Well, I think I showed them I’m still Jeff. I had a neat time as Jessie over my friend Tami’s and we even went out to eat and to the ballet.” Jessie smiles, “I got to dress up and enjoy myself so much that others thought I’d have trouble being Jeff come to school on Monday. Well, I’ve been me (Jeff) the past three days at school. I even found out that Tami is attracted to me as Jeff.”

Dr. Hunt asks, “When you say you went to school like me, you meant as Jeff right? Right now you appear as Jessie.”

The time went quickly, I got to show Dr. Hunt a picture of me dressed up at the ballet. Near the end of our visit, she said, “You seem to enjoy yourself very much as Jessie. But found it important to confirm you are Jeff, am I understanding that correctly?”

Jessie smiled, “I think most people think I need to be one or the other, but I see them as two sides to the same coin. That might not be how other coins and people are but it is how I see myself.”

Dr. Hunt called my mother in for the remainder of the visit. Mom asks, “Dr. Hunt has she talked to you about her weight loss and what she has been using?”

“No,” she said, “but she did show me her picture from attending the ballet and I noticed it then.” She turns to me, “I think you exercising, dieting and the light medication I’ve given you has combined for a remarkable transformation. I see two issues here for you to consider. One, if you’re seeing yourself as Jeff, you need to limit the use of things over the counter for women. In itself, I don’t think, it is strong enough to effect a change. I will check the research about the product you’ve been using. What we are doing shouldn’t affect any lasting changes for now, but I do have us monitoring your blood to look for any changes. Please note and share what you are doing and do not leave it to your mother to bring up.”

“You are less than two weeks from you going to Riviera Maya as Jessie. How do you feel about going there as Jessie,” she asks?

I say, “Well Jeff was going to be staying home like Rob. I’m a little bit anxious but as Mom says it is a chance for me to live as Jessie. She and Rachel both said I need to know that there’s a lot of work and responsibility to be a girl and not just the pretty dresses and fluff. I guess I am just thankful and excited about the opportunity to go.”

We talked about me attending a support group or making contacts with LGBT groups. We decided I’d continue my counseling longer before considering a support group. The information to be obtained from LGBT centers or research could be beneficial. She did ask that I make an appointment with a medical doctor who would also be watching my health and know what I am dealing with. We decided on Dr. Kim Stoults, my sister’s doctor. They called from Dr. Hunt's office and I had an appointment the following Monday.

We stopped and ate at a nice deli; I had half a sandwich and salad. Mom needed to find another outfit or two for our trip. Suzie Hammonds in seeing mom had no trouble recognizing me as she came over to help. Mom said, “Suzie was going down to the Yucatan in less than two weeks. I’m looking for a couple of outfits for me which should be no trouble for me. Since you’re here I was wondering if you could help Jessie select something.”

Suzie said, “I’d be more than happy too, does she need a light dress, a skirt ensemble or should we be looking for something in the way of shorts and tops?”

Mom says, “Something with a skirt and cute shorts and top would be nice. She’s also going to want some type of hat to wear.” Mom hands me a charge card.

Suzie asks as she takes me over to look at some clothes, “Will this be your first time going away Jessie?”

I tell her “There is a family outing on my dad’s side and my parents are treating it as a graduation present for Rachel. They decided not to leave me behind like Rob.”

Suzie shows me some skater skirts. I like how they look, but I am reluctant because of how short they are. She suggests, “If a tan will be important to you, a girl would want as much of her legs as possible having the same tan.” There were two of the skirts I liked a lot and had trouble choosing between them. Suzie suggested I put them aside and come back to them.

We were walking over to the shorts when we walked past swimwear. Suzie asked, “Do you have some nice swimsuits for your time down there?” I am sure she saw my shock set in. “That’s why I asked, you will want to swim or at least lounge in a swimsuit. We have some with skirts or boy shorts with them that would be helpful for you.” I looked but wouldn’t entertain seriously the idea of getting one.

We did find several shorts I liked and had decided to buy a nice pair of shorts with a complimenting top that went with it. We were back to the skirts and I found a nice blouse that Suzie agreed would look spectacular with either skirt. I took the coral skirt and top to try on. It even had a pretty matching panty to wear underneath it.

I had to take off my pantyhose to try it properly. I took several deep breaths before I worked up the courage to step out of the changing room to show Suzie. Suzie was working near the changing room when I came out and complimented me on how I looked. “My brother would kill to look as nice as you and he’s been working at his appearance as Bree for two years.”

I tried to picture him and said, “I like the name Bree and I can even picture the name fitting his image as a girl. Does she see herself as a trans-girl or as a cross-dresser?”

Suzie says, “I wish I had my purse, I would show you. He has backtracked and is trying to see himself as a cross-dresser with the hope to be comfortable being a boy full time.” I could see the frustration on Suzie’s face.

“While I haven’t experienced the harassment he has felt, I think he will be frustrating himself if Bree is really part of him.” Suzie squeezes me with a hug and quickly backs away apologizing. “I am sorry for hugging you we’re not supposed to do that with customers. As you can see, I care so much about him and I agree strongly with what you are saying. I was wondering if you would be willing to talk to him sometime.”

Jessie smiles, “If I called to your place and asked for Bree, would that freaked people out?”

Suzie giggled, “No, but it would probably make Bree, even our Mom, so very happy.”

I looked to the full-length mirror one more time when my Mom spoke from behind me. “That is what I hoped you would consider, but I was afraid to recommend it.” Mom says, “I hope you have accomplished more than just getting that top and skirt.”

“She had to come back and choose between that and a pretty yellow and blue skirt,” said Suzie.

Mom turned to me, “Why did you need to choose between them? You will probably be able to use them both.”

I said, “But Mom I’ve chosen a pair of shorts and a top as well. Suzie even tried to convince me I needed to select a swimsuit.”

Mom asked, “Did you find a swimsuit or two that would look nice on you? You know time is getting short. I’d rather get what you will need now, instead of getting on the trip wishing you had what you needed.”

Suzie asks, “Should she try this on and show you what the other skirt would look like?”

Mom asks, “Does she have another top to change into while she is changing?”

“Mom, I can wear this top with it as well.”

“You probably could if we wash it in between, but I’m not planning on doing laundry while we’re there. Select another top and take it with you to the dressing room.” I showed Mom a skirt like the one I had in the changing room and we found two tops that would look pretty with it. One has spaghetti straps instead of sleeves. I tried to reject it, but Mom said out loud. “I want you to try that one on please do so. You know it will look very pretty and that you can wear it. You can go without your bra with this one.”

It was a simple white laced top with embroidery work. Once I had on the skirt and top, I called my Mom to the changing room. “Mom, it fits but I’m not comfortable stepping out to model it for you.”

Mom remarks, “There will be more people there looking at you including boys. Come out and model it for me, now please.” I came out and went to the big mirror and it was now obvious to Suzie that I was also sporting breast forms.

Mom asked Suzie, “Could you get us two of the swimsuits that she might try on?” The one-piece swimsuit with the skirt around it was yellow and the tiered top and a boy-shorts bottom was a bright off-pink. Seemingly I had to try both swimsuits to choose which one we would buy.

“You are a very lucky young lady to find two suits that you can take with you.” I had no idea Mom was planning to purchase all that we agreed looked well on me. That ended up being two swimsuits, two skirts, the shorts, and five tops. Mom had selected five panties of various styles to get for me as well.

We were on our way home before Mom began describing the three outfits she had bought for herself, along with two pairs of sandals. I thought we were helping to close the store at 9:00 p.m., but I noticed on the way home it was after ten.

I was afraid when we got home that Rachel would be upset with me getting so many clothes, But she said, “Mom, how did you talk her into getting all these outfits and the swimsuits. I thought she would have protested too much.”

“She did, I guess, but Suzie helped convince her what was realistic. Once she tried on the spaghetti strap blouse the swimsuits were easier.” Mom was correct in everything she said, though I doubt she realized how thrilled I was.

Mom wanted to show Dad what she purchased for herself, but he only lasted through one outfit. It was after 11:00 when Mom quit showing Rachel and me. I was upstairs cutting off price tags and taking off all the extra stuff stuck on the clothes by the manufactures and store. Rachel did not make me model everything, but she was excited and wanted to hear what I had to say. “You know Mom said you were a giggly girl in trying on your clothes. She thought you were especially excited about getting one swimsuit let alone two.”

“I thought I was able to hide my excitement, how did she know?”

Rachel took my hands, “I am happy for you Sis. Hey, Saturday I thought we would work on our tans together. Don’t plan on anything until after 4:00.” Rachel was about ready to leave the room when she stopped. “Mom asked if I could help you in taking your breast forms off. She told me you put them on all by yourself. I am impressed.” I can say, it isn’t embarrassing having a sister take off one’s breast forms but I am more and more thankful to have Rachel as my sister.

Thursday and Friday, Jeff was popular at school. Tami was excited that we would get to be together after school on Thursday but disappointed that Max had already asked me over after school on Friday. I did promise to ask if I could be home by six so she, April, and I could go to the movies.

I text Mom after school and while I was at Tami’s, she called and I had permission to go to the movies Friday night. April and Tami were upset I didn’t have pictures of my new clothes. I did not have the nerve to tell them I had bought two swimsuits. I am not sure but they might be thinking, I am going to be Jeff much if not all of the time I’m gone.

Thursday night I called the Hammonds and asked to talk to Bree. I had to introduce myself and help remind her/him who I was. He said, “Suzie says you make a very pretty girl. I would like to get to talk to you in person, but my sister says I might get jealous if I see you, Jessie.”

I gave Bree my email address and she sent me two pictures of herself. It made me think, Bree has two email accounts of her own. Bree makes a pretty girl. She says, “I wish I had started to use a hormone blocker before I did. My doctor says, my hormone therapy will continue to affect my transformation.”

It was very good to talk with Bree/John Hammonds on the phone. Along with talking to a person with many of the same thoughts and feelings as myself. I felt like I was helpful to him. Mostly listening, but he said it would be good having me as a friend.

Friday after school I went over to Max’s house where he asked, “Would you mind wearing this wrap-around skirt so we could dance together?” I felt a little put upon as he handed me the skirt as he asked. I had in fact taken the skirt before I had decided to wear it. I had looked up to Max and thought it might be nice.

“You have to promise me, you won’t force me to…” I felt embarrassed to say more. I went to the adjoining bathroom and changed into the skirt and out of my shoes. I guess Max had thought I would just wrap the skirt around me.

The songs are slow and Max was in his socks as we began to dance. I had not followed a boy’s lead before. I was a bit uptight during the first dance. I relaxed as the dance went on and I was comforted by his warm smile and his one hand on my waist. It was the second dance that I leaned against him and we began to talk casually. We went out to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I forgot I was wearing the skirt as we surprised Mrs. Coulter. She asked, “And what do the two of you think you’re doing?”

I started to say, “We came out to get something to…” and her eyes went from my eyes down to the skirt, “drink.”

Max answered, “Mother, I asked Jeff to put on the wrap-around skirt so we could dance. He went into the bathroom to put it on. When he came out he had it on in place of his pants instead of just wrapping it around him.”

She asked, “Is that correct Jeff?” I know I was turning red when I said, “Yes Mrs. Coulter, I didn’t intend to do anything bad.”

Her tone changed, “I don’t think that was the intention of either of you. And I guess what you did was kind of innocent, just make sure you know what you’re doing the next time.” We got our drinks and were back to Max’s room. He asked and we had one more dance before I changed back. I looked up at Max’s eyes several times as we danced, but the last time we kissed as the dance ended.

I changed back into my pants and after a short talk, Mrs. Coulter gave me a ride home.

Mom had a message for me from Tami, “Tami called and said she hoped Jessie would be coming to the movies. She said, "Mrs. Johnson would give the three of you a ride and be picking you up after the movies. I told her I thought you’d be a little nervous but would probably do so unless Jeff called and said otherwise.”

Jeff quickly took a shower and transformed himself to Jessie quickly to be ready before 7:00 p.m. Since it would be just the three of them, Jessie wore a mini-dress she had gotten from Rachel’s old wardrobe. She wanted to see how sequins reflected the light during the movies.

It wasn’t until they got out of the car at the theater that Tami told her, “We’re meeting Johnny Druthers and two of his friends from the next community over. We can’t even tell our parents or else they’d call it dating.”

Jessie asked, “And what would you call it if anyone found out?”

April giggled, “It would be the first time we got found out. We would just say we met the boys after we got there and they asked us to sit with them.”

I said, “I can’t, this is much too crazy. I thought we were just going to have a good time as friends. I for one don’t want to be watching Tami date another boy and I don’t want to be dating a boy with you two watching me.” April begins to laugh, “You didn’t say you would have trouble dating a boy.”

Johnny was walking over to us and one of his friends is Matt Jacobs, Darby’s brother. Tami casually says, “We might not be able to do this we’re having second thoughts.” I was glad at this point that she was not putting it all on me.

Matt spoke up, “If it’s about going to the movies or dating, I could just bow out and remain out here and walk around if that would be of help.”

I asked, “Matt could I talk with you alone for a minute?” Johnny was surprised that we knew each other, but happy the date might still be possible. We walked away from everyone and then I asked, “Do you know about me?”

Matt said, “I think so though I don’t see how it is possibly true.”

I said, “Then how can you be here and willing to be with me?”

He said, “I wouldn’t want you getting in trouble with someone who didn’t know. The crazy thing is I was attracted to you and I guess I still wouldn’t mind going to the movie with you. We picked out the movie called ‘The Lover’ it is kind of an action romance movie. Some popcorn and cola shouldn’t hurt.”

Jessie says, “I told them I thought it was crazy and still do, but I guess if we’re sharing popcorn and a cola I could manage.” Matt reaches for my hand and we walk back together. Each guy bought one of our tickets and I split the cost for the popcorn and cola. I guess Matt took me literally when I said I’d split the cola with him. We shared a medium diet cola and a large popcorn.

I was now more uncomfortable with my selection of the mini-dress. When I held the popcorn in my lap the popcorn container reached over the hem of my dress. I was glad I sat next to Tami as well as Matt. Matt was good at making small talk, remarking how I look good tonight. I found out that Matt likes baseball, he plays both third base and the outfield. They guys had ridden in this car to the movies. The car he drove tonight was an older 2005 Mustang, but that I was his.

It was awkward sharing the armrest as Tami's hand taken over the one we were sharing. Finally, I allowed him to hold my hand and weave our arms together. I don’t remember if it was when I felt cold or surprised by the movie, either way, I found Matt’s arm around me, and I was leaning into him.

I did notice and enjoyed how the sequins on my dress caught the changing light of the movie. I got bored during the movie and Matt had become restless before I did. We began to talk a little and I asked, “Does Darby know you’re going to see me tonight?”

He said, “No, I wasn’t sure and I’m still not sure you aren’t all girl.”

“And how am I supposed to prove to you I’m a boy?”

Matt smiles, “If I were to kiss you, I’d know.” I said, “You want to kiss a boy?”

He held up my chin in his left hand, “No.” He leaned over and kissed me on the lips and as he began to pull back I relaxed and he kissed me again only this time longer. We both enjoyed the kisses. He finally pulled back and I asked in a whisper, “So?”

He said, “There is only a girl in your kiss.” Without thinking I first said, “Thanks. …No, you’re wrong. It just feels like a girl because I’m a girl inside.” I wasn’t sure if Matt honestly thought he kissed a girl, or that he didn’t mind kissing boys. All I knew was that things just got a little more complicated for me.

Going out after the movie, Tami forces me into the women’s restroom to check and freshen my makeup. She too had to redo her lipstick and take care of smudges in her makeup…

To be continued…