Love and Old Books…Part Four

It was a few days before we saw each other again. We kept talking online about work and books and breakfasts some was on my computer but I wanted to be able to talk with her whenever so…I broke down and I bought a phone with texting…that was just.

I was at the Parker Place Mall after just getting my phone and I’m trying to text Valerie back with my big mits on this teeny tiny phone when hear her giggling.

“Oh My God!” She exclaims her hand over her mouth and giggling.

“What?” I’m hunched over still trying to hit the right keys.

“You look so cute trying that.” She smiles this sweet smile and comes over and looks upside down at my screen. “Who are you texting?”

“You, or I was. What are you doing here?”

“Payday I just killed my pay with my bills and stuff and was going to do some shopping.”

“Oh shopping.” I grin at her and put the damned phone away.

Val smacks me in my shoulder. “Hey….not that kind of shopping, I can’t afford that kind of shopping.”

“Really? Aren’t they going to report you to like the girl’s union or something?”

“No…and for your information there bucko not all girls shop like that even when we have the money.”

“Really? All my ex’s did.”

“And they likely still are and still going from guy to guy.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Buying stuff’s like any other addiction it fills a hole there somewhere in them and people like that aren’t likely going to be satisfied in any relationship.”

“And you?”

“I’ve learned enough life lessons to be grateful for the things I have and to be happy in the now.”

“In the now?”

She takes my arm and steers me around and we head inside the mall. “Yes in the now. We only live in the now and we can only make up mistakes in our past and there’s no point in worrying and fretting about the future because we can’t change that either so live in the now and don’t let either run or wreck your life.”

“Wow that’s really wise stuff.”

“It should be I’ve read all the Star Wars novels I’m practically a Jedi.”

I laugh. “Okay so what are we doing now?”

“Second date, you can go grocery shopping with me.”

“Oh, okay so tell me this….you ever been pushed in a shopping cart?”

Her eyes light up. “No…never.”

I laugh. “Then that’s definitely doable.”

“Doable…should I be buying condoms?” She giggles and I blush and she stops us at the entrance to the Super Store and kisses me softly.

God I love PDA…I never got a lot of it really.

“Let’s get a cart.” Valerie smiles pulling me by my hand.

We get a cart and she stands on the end and I sort of lean my weight oh the handle as I push her around the store. Yes we’re getting looks but it’s likely because we’re two thirty something’s acting like a couple pf teenagers.

But it’s okay because it’s fun and we’re not hurting anyone, we’re not racing around and we’ve never gotten to do this as teenagers.

I’m heading through produce and she’s beaming. “I love this y’know Ryan? I never really got to do this kind of thing.”

“I was just thinking the same thing actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s kinda cool.” She says it with a smile and we stop and look through the stuff there I get some things too. Bell peppers because their good to stuff, green apples because I just like them and some stuff I need to cook with like onions and some garlic and tomatoes, they’re on sale and in season too so I get a lot of those.

“You like tomatoes?”

“Love them, grew up eating toasted tomato sandwiches as a kid. Great replacement meal.”

“Replacement meal?”

“Dinner or something around that if I can have something like that instead of something fast food or microwaved it’ll help me cut back.”

“Ryan you’re not that bad.”

“Not as bad as I was…lonely and fast food and beer aren’t a good mix.”

Valerie comes over and she gives me a hug. “Depression and beer are never good Ryan, they lead to country music songs.”

“Hey what’s wrong with country.”

I burst out laughing just at the face that she makes. “Gack…everything right down to the gap teeth and hillbilly hip hop.”

“Oh come on some isn’t that bad.”

“Sure…right…No…there was no rock in my house growing up except for stuff my folks screened and that was pure crap.”

“Pure crap?”

Valerie stares at me all sort of fake serious. “Shaun Cassidy and The doo-run-run…”

I laugh some more. “Okay, okay that was pretty bad. So home stunted you music but there’s some really good bands and some really decent country out there.”

“You like country don’t you?” She’s got that look at being almost pouty mad disappointed with me.

“Some, I actually don’t like a whole lot of the new stuff in the last ten years or so. I’m still a rock and roll guy but I like both mostly because some really great bands cross genres.”

“Like?”

“Dr. Hook and the Traveling Medicine show.”

“I…I though that was a muppet?”

“That’s Dr. Teeth and they’re awesome too.”

“What’d they put out?”

“Tons of good tunes but Cover of the Rolling Stone was likely their most famous and Freakers Ball.”

“Oh I’m so lost I’ll have to you tube them and see stuff.”

“Well then you’ll want to try and see some more of their songs too then, actually one of my favorite bands.”

“Really? You never mentioned them when we were talking before.”

“Well there’s a lot of bands that didn’t get in that conversation.”

She nods. “True, you want to come over for supper?”

“Well, I’m driving you home right?”

“I was going to take a cab but since we met up here and your stuff’s in my cart…” She grins at me.

I smile back at her. “How about we cook together then?”

Valerie gets this look on her face it’s surprised and it’s also sort of happy too. She does this sexy and innocent little bite on her lower lip and says more quietly. “I’d really like that Ryan, I’ve always wanted to do that y’know.”

“It’s a good thing then?”

“Yeah…” She sounds like she’s misting up a little and then just steps over and hugs me. “It’s even better than you think…”

I hug her but it’s a tight hug, not hard but that one when you know your being hugged. She tucks her head into me a little and I smell her hair…god…there’s just something about getting to do something like that…just innocent yet intimate.

Makes you realize how much you miss and crave basic human contact after being alone so long. “Actually I think I do get it Val…kinda scary since I’m really afraid of moving to fast.”

“Ryan?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t change on me?”

I hug her a little tighter. “Ha, never I’m nearly forty I’m too tired to be one of those guys.”

“Good.” She sniffles and pulls up and looks at me and what guy doesn’t kiss the girl that’s in his arms looking at him with hopeful shiny eyes? I don’t care that we’re getting looks from the whole PDA thing either at this part of my life I want this, I want all of it. And I want a kiss to be a kiss when it’s like now.

Long and slow and over and over…you know how to kiss a girl like that…it’s like tasting a strawberry a soft slow sweet bite…you taste her lips…her. And over and over…a little smile should be forming on your lips just because you’re kissing her and the only reason the smile is little is because you’re kissing her again.

I’ve never actually gotten the chance to kiss a girl like this even with my ex’s. It’s not sex kissing or loving small kisses and pecks but real kissing.

When we break it we’re both blushing. And even more with some laughs and some giggling from her when the fact we have an audience dawns on us.

We go around the rest of the store getting odds and ends and the rest of her groceries and a few of mine. And we pool our money together and we head first to my place to drop off my stuff that I need to there and I give her a tour of the house.

She has this amused look while she looks around.

“What?”

“Oh I was just thinking this is a really nice place.”

“Yeah…right.” I grin at her.

Valerie smiles back. “Okay it’s neat and it’s clean but it’s still kinda a man space.”

“Uhm well I’m a guy.”

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with that…I mean it’s not a grunt cave but still…leather couches, glass and chrome, dark colors the big flat screen TV and all the home theater stereo stuff. It’s a guy’s place alright.”

“Hey I have lots of other things too like the laundry room and the bookshelves and the wine cabinet.”

“Like I said not a grunt cave but still really guy cave.”

I get the things I’m taking over. “Okay, I can’t wait to see your place.”

“Hey, I’m broke and live in the basement of a bookstore cut me some slack.”

“Ha! No way girlie I really want to see it now.”

We leave through my garage and I show Val my shop and it’s kind of nice that she appreciates the stuff I do in that way it’s as much art as it is work. “Y’know if they taught me this instead of the stuff they did in metal shop I might have not been as miserable.”

“Oh they never taught this in my schooling either I picked up the art side of this out in Vancouver.”

We get in the car and drive heading for her place. “Vancouver and you came back here?”

“Yeah I missed this side of the country, B.C.’s nice but it’s not the Maritimes.”

“I had to move here because it was where I could get the nursing job. It’s okay but hard to be back at the same time.”

I nod looking at her. “Small towns.”

“Yep…you saw some of the looks.”

“Yeah but I figured it was us being all smoochie in public.”

“Maybe but some of it was you kissing me.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, let them stare and be jealous.”

“Ryan….” She only sort of says it in protest the rest is some of that cute blushing and the shy smile.

I just raise my head a little and drive with a smile some more. It doesn’t take too long to get to her place. You can get to most places anywhere in town in about ten minutes by car really fifteen at the max.

I help take in the groceries and she lets us is and we head down a set of stairs that are actually already promising. There’s wood paneling on the walls a two banister railings on the way down and a decent sized light fixture. There’s even a little hall bit/foyer thing with a closet at the end of it and her actual apartment door on one side.

“Hey this is nice too, the other owners used to rent this out?”

“I think so. You haven’t seen the inside yet so brace yourself.”

She lets us inside and I like it.

Hardwood click flooring that’s fairly new, old but decent appliances and sheet-rock walls with a sort of very light yellow paint on them and nice plain white board trim. The decorations are mostly girly with knick knacks and pictures on a few walls like the big photos and some real painting art on the other the rest is bookshelves and she’s got a box TV with a big shelving unit and lots of movies in DVD and VHS I do see a VCR there and she’s even got a Nintendo machine.

Her stuff’s older but just as geek-centric ad there’s a lot of second and third hand stuff but it’s really…there’s something cozy here. Old quilts covering her couch, the afghan at the foot of it. It even smells nice in that girl’s place way…potpourri that’s somewhere but old, scented candles sort of the same way, dryer sheets and the residual scent of girl and girly bathroom products in the place steeped and just accented with the smell of old books.

“I like this, it’s nice.”

Val smiles and gestures around. “It’s small, but it’s mine…well till it’s paid for.”

“I like it, it feels warm here.”

She looks at me and I can tell there’s this look there that say’s to me….lonely too.

Her place is the same as mine in one major thing.

Neither of us have pictures of us with people there, there’s no personal pictures really around. The few photos I have on file are of past relationships and painful stuff I really don’t want to remember.

Valerie puts on some music and it’s the local rock station which I don’t mind it’s older real rock so no Beiber or Hanson or Jonas stuff and no Call me maybe either…I head into the kitchen to help put things away and “These eyes.” By The Guess Who.

Good tune.

We put her groceries away together and we start making supper. You want a great cooking together supper thing? Spaghetti sauce. Canned tomatoes cooked down in good olive oil, some fine onion and sliced garlic, mushrooms and a hit of fennel seed and chili flakes. There’s slicing and talking and peeling and cutting and tasting…there’s just something sexy about taking a spoonful of the sauce as it’s cooking and feeding her a taste gently with your hand under the spoon.

And Italian food can be sexy.

Or her making a salad and feeding you a bite of it to taste.

Just doing stuff like this together…it’s the together that makes it so good.

Spaghetti with that spicy sauce, a salad with romaine and ribbons of yellow zucchini and carrots shaved in with a peeler. Garlic bread made with crumbled Italian sausage on it and mozzarella to get all melty.

Dessert I make and that’s a white cake out of the box by Betty Crocker in a casserole dish and once it’s in and baking I mix up some boxed coconut cream pie filling and when the cake’s about three quarters done I pull it out and use a spoon to mess it up some and pour the filling over it and put it back in.

“What is that?” Val asks over my shoulder. I turn and feed her some of the stuff on the spoon. “Coconut cream pudding cake.”

“Mmmm…wow…that’s really good.”

“Wait till the cake’s done and let it set up and it’ll be better.”

“Mmmm…I love a guy that can cook.”

“Good, because I like having someone to cook for.”

We sort of just stare at each other a little and there’s shy smiles and we finish getting everything ready and eat supper together on her couch talking and laughing and of all things watching Big Trouble in Little China.

It’s an amazing second date.

And it’s where I think we both knew we were going someplace with this.

………………………………....Our dates are strange dates. And we’re taking things slow but after that second date and curling up together watching movies and napping only to wake up to do the dishes and then eat dessert. We knew…I knew and taking our time was something we were both good with.

Our third date was a picnic during her lunch break at work, we sat on the bench outside and I played the radio in my car and we ate take out Chinese and I rubbed her feet and she entertained me with funny and disturbing nursing tales.

Date four was her coming over to my place out of the blue and I was reading and she was out for a bike ride. That turned into me getting my bike and us going out on a ride and a sort of picnic. No food but hot chocolate from Tim Horton’s and her I-pod and we took a couple of my sleeping bags and we found a spot on the side of the hill in the park and we just laid there together and did nothing all cozy and stuff under a maple tree.

God that alone was nearly a perfect day…but she even makes it better.

Well not nothing we just watched the world be the world and snuggled up to good music and kissed…we kissed a lot and got into some very sweet and hot touching too. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman that arouses me like Valerie does.

It’s been a long time since I was a horny teen that I’ve woken up at night aroused from dreaming of a girl.

I dream of Valerie.

We don’t even do the dinner out and the movies until our ninth date out.

It’s our tenth anniversary date when we’re finally together and it was our first overnight well weekend away together and I took us to Charlottetown over on Prince Edward Island for a real get away and we did the tourist thing, like a mini vacation. It was getting to the end of the season and I rented a cottage…Valerie said then. “Ryan…just one bed if that’s okay?”

We did the Anne of Green Gables thing not really my deal but she wanted to and I kinda did just to say I’ve been. We went to check thrift places and old book stores and she got some rare Nancy Drew hard covers and literally a couple of boxes of other books. I like books but Valerie loves them really loves them and I love the way they make her so happy.

Supper was a quiet one where I had bought some lobsters and made some salad. I served it on a quilt on our cottage deck I even sent her beach combing for shells and beach glass while I shelled it all and got everything ready and even had candles lit inside. Just potpourri and mostly those little tea lights where I could set them it really wasn’t fancy.

But she cried anyway.

It was beautiful, post op she’s no different than any other girl I’ve ever been with…but at the same time she’s completely different. It’s slower for both of us. She needs to adjust…and we’re both shy and self conscious and even when we fit together it’s slow and tender. And there’s no ego…we both nuzzle and kiss and touch and tell each other where…and what we need.

It might not be all manly but I cry…Her and me finally together, and seeing Valerie come alive in a way I’ve never seen. Like this, like us together completed something hidden inside her and the light inside her face, in her eyes just blows me away.

This funny, odd, kooky, off beat, brazen and shy nerdy girl…

She’s the most precious and beautiful thing in the world to me.