Love and Old Books…Part 2

I head to do some running around after I bought my books and head home to my place and after I set out the ones that her blurbs and quotes made me want to read first I get myself ready for a good sit down and reading session.

Now for me that’s actually a nice pot of tea. I make a good sized pot of Red Rose and grab my favorite mug and turn on my radio to the town radio station. I like local radio, it tells me what’s going on more and more thee days and they play the real stuff that people are listening to.

I don’t like MTV or Much Music any more and to all those little shits who think it’s not for someone in their thirties to enjoy and I guess I’m doing it too slipping into the generation where I kind of hate the younger generations a little for fucking things up.

But just kinda.

I don’t want to feel that old.

I smile as I pick up the first book and Dire Straits is playing “The Bug.” And I settle in with the first book and linger looking at her writing, those loops and swirls just like the way the girls used to write in their notebooks back in high school.

It’s really pretty too and I love the parts she’s picked out for me to read.

Yeah, I know Valerie’s….

But I’ve lived in Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver…other places too so I’ve seen all kinds of people and while seeing a girl like Valerie here is really different especially for Bellton which was plenty redneck back in my day and all sorts of hell for some of the gay or lesbian kids.

And y’know after reading the first book I’m way more impressed with the who and the what and the who’s actually someone I’d like to know more of.

Hey it’s 2012 so what to I do?

Yep I Google her.

I get her Facebook page for the shop and Valerie Duncan’s listed there as the proprietress and she doesn’t have an account for herself on Facebook but her page for the shop is very open she’s semi political very into LGBT friendly pages, lots of authors pages and books but movies and music too.

Okay we like a lot of the same things. And there’s pictures there of her too like her at concerts or there’s a couple of cons she’s been to and she’s done cosplay too. She actually has done a pretty smoking Rogue and a cute version of Kitty Pryde and a pretty close looking Kagome.

Yeah, I think I’m crushing a little or just having an uh-huh moment. As I get older I do find I am getting more and more of those light bulb moments.

Like the fact I’m considering actually asking her out just having met her.

See the thing about being older and being lonely is when you’ve spent that much time actually alone…and alone for so much of your life.

The lists of the things that matter gets really defined and short.

And she’s made me smile a few times just like this and I find her funny just from what I’ve seen and read on her page.

I leave a few comments on her pictures and what I thought of the first book. Then go make some supper.

I feel like a geek and kinda like a stalker. I mean I just met her and I really don’t know her yet really can’t get the idea of her out of my head.

Which again seems stalkery.

And dangerous.

Yeah dangerous.

I’ll admit to meeting a couple of people before that I was way more into that she was into me. Those didn’t go well. I was cheated on a few times….and there was Amanda…Amanda was very into the fact I was into her, that I treated her better than her last boyfriends.

She was also very into stuff…stuff WE should have at OUR place were I ended up paying the rent. So when she left me…moving out while I was working she took everything. Oh not just the stuff we bought “Together.” but anything else she wanted too.

Oddly some of it didn’t bother me. The fact she took some of my favorite things just out of spite…

Y’know the spite I don’t get either.

I called her and she was pissed at me.

“You’re not the guy I thought you were Ryan.”

Yeah…

I saw her with “The guy I wasn’t” once.

I’d seen him before with someone else. Meathead…the guy who’s priorities were…him, his car, his hair, his clothes then his girlfriends.

I took a job out west pretty soon after that.

So sort of not being that guy they’re looking for Most of the time has me hurt and scarred, scared too I’ll have to admit. You can only get kicked so many times right?

But then again on the other hand like I’ve said. When you get a sign of liking someone this strong do you just ignore it? I really don’t want to. I’m in my mid thirties…okay so I’m closer to forty.

Point is I don’t want to be one of those people who what-if themselves out of something great.

I actually hate cooking for myself but you do have to eat…I’m trying something healthy…and it’s sort of not too blec.

I take a green pepper and take the top off and knock out the seeds and then a pack of Uncle Ben’s rice the stuff already cooked that you just heat. I add some chopped mushrooms and slivered almonds and put it it the microwave to cook.

I’m healthy/not healthy but since moving I’m actually trying. Bought a Bo-flex and a mountain bike. I’m soooo not a runner. One, I’m not in the shape. Two, I’m way too self conscious to even try. I’m not hugely fat but yeah there’s enough for the whole thing to be embarrassing.

See girls, guys go through this stuff too.

And because I’m not Mr. Buff forget the gym. I did that in Calgary and you get looked at like WTF are you doing here? When they’re not being young little assholes.

I eat sitting and watching the news and actually try to keep in mind that I’m trying for a new start. I’m trying maybe even to have a life. And honestly try not to think about Valerie so much that it’s weird and trying not to dwell on being lonely.

About seven there’s nothing on except those entertainment tabloid shows so I head out to my garage and start working on my next piece.

I’m a welder by trade and I hire out to do piece work and I’ll drop off a resume at the foundry here in town and a few places for part time work but my full time work is a sculptor. Well sort of. I’m good at wrought iron and good at welding things to make new things.

I actually mostly do furniture and stuff. Wine racks and overhead pot racks for kitchens are something I turn out a lot of. But patio furniture and even some coffee tables too. I’m doing stainless right now since it’s big with the newer homes and I’m making a wine rack that’s a stainless steel box with a stained glass styled glass door to it in blues and greens a sort of hanging green grapes on the vine thing. It’s a commission piece and will be around a thousand bucks for me when it’s done.

Yes I do alright cash wise.

Not hugely well off but well enough that I get by really good. The part time work with the resumes is to keep busy.

I think about work when I’m working, I need that because I just think to much.

I get the welds done for the box itself and I’ll grind it out later but It’s late enough by the time I’m done all that so I shut stuff down and I go get a shower. It’s just about time for another cup of tea before bed so I get one made and sit in front of my computer to check things out and Valerie’s commented back on just about all of my comments.

I’ll spare the back and forth but we talk back and forth through different comments and talking actually about everything from movies to comics…yes I’m a huge geek…to food and places we’ve been.

She’s from Nova Scotia, Dartmouth actually and from the whole wrong side of the tracks thing. Heck even I’ve heard of Cole Harbor. She’s from a big family that she doesn’t talk to same one sister and a cousin the rest being not really that religious but still plenty hateful about her being her real self.

She left home early kicked out before she finished high school but she did finish it out in Windsor Ontario and she even went on to take her hairdressing course. She had to quit it because of becoming too sensitive to the fumes.

Yeah perms can smell pretty gross.

She’d spent some time down in the states before everything went to hell in a hand basket and came back after her work visa was denied after nine eleven. Her status made them think she was fishy or something. But she did like it down there and she’d been to Las Vegas and even out to California. She admitted to going to California mostly to say she’d actually been there than living out there.

Too many people for her.

I can see that, I’d likely be the same.

Me I tell her that basically it’s me and two older siblings and that we don’t even talk. My older sister hated home so much she married into one of those hillbilly she’s one of us now families thinking the guy she was with would be okay. He was a carpenter, he was also a drunk that couldn’t keep a job.

We stopped talking when I was twenty and beat the holy hell out of him. He told her the shut the fuck up in front of me…she told me se didn’t want me around after that so fine I thought and after moving and life we just drifted apart.

Valerie gave me a few frowny faces on those posts.

My older brother? Who knows. Last I heard he was in Springhill
Pen. I got so sick of people coming after me for his drug debts. I am not my brothers keeper. I love him, hell I love them both but…yeah so basically both our families suck.

My folks and grand folks are dead. Grandfolks just age, mom had breast cancer but died after dad who actually died of infection after he tangled with a bad case if that flesh eating bacteria stuff. He recovered from that but he had a secondary infection combined with getting pnemonia and it was just too much.

It’s long ago enough it doesn’t really bother me too much.

But the online hugs actually felt pretty good.

The thing is we really didn’t touch the her being TG stuff at all and we still just talked and talked and talked.

I was actually surprised when the sun came up.

[Wow, We’ve been talking for almost eight hours.]

[You’re easy to talk to Ryan.]

[Thanks.]

[I’ve never really talked this long with a guy in a long time.]

[Same here.]

[You talk to guys?]

[You know what I mean.]

[Yeah.]

[You know I was so nervous after meeting you at your store.]

[You nervous why?]

[Hmm, letsee Pretty, charming, funny, and quirky plus you’re into books and you actually talked to me like I was worth talking to.]

[You are worth talking to Ryan.]

[Not for a lot of girls.]

[I’m not like a lot of girls you know that right?]

[No you’re not you don’t seem to fit the mold of anyone that I’ve ever been with.]

[Well that’s for sure.]

[No, Valerie. You’re nice and actually genuine.]

[Other’s weren’t?]

[For awhile, some just…]

[Yeah, lots of guys like that too Ryan. I get it.]

[Sorry, I sound kind of creepy huh?]

[No. Lonely.]

Okay I’m not used to that and I don’t know if it’s talking like this online but I need a second to wipe at my eyes.

[Ryan?]

[Yeah, still here just taking a breath.]

[You okay?]

[Honestly?]

[Yes of course.]

[Not really, tired and not from being up all night.]

[I get that.]

[That’s what scares me.]

[Scares you?]

[Having someone say that.]

[Sorry?]

[Don’t be, it’s actually nice.]

[Nice?]

[Yeah, not really popular in high-school didn’t date much so getting that vibe of being scared by liking a girl’s kind of nice.]

[Oh, well honestly me too.]

[Good, I’m actually relieved.]

[I’ve been here on my laptop on my bed like the me I never got to be as a teenaged just like you.]

[Really?]

[Yes, really. Is it that out of the ordinary that a girl likes you like that?]

[Yes honestly.]

[Well they’re fucking retarded.]

That makes me laugh out loud.

[God Valerie thank you I really needed that.]

[Good! You’re too nice a guy to feel like that.]

[Thanks, I haven’t talked, laughed or smiled like this in… actually never.]

[Yay! I’m an original!]

[LoL!]

[Ryan?]

[Yes?]

[Can I see that smile in person?]

[Okay…like?]

[Come take me to breakfast?]

[Are you asking me out?]

[Sorta, are you saying yes?]

I’m actually bite my lower lip nervous but this is just too good to stop. I don’t want this to stop. It’s been too long since I’ve actually felt good about myself.

[I’m saying yes.]

[Yay! Pick me up at my place.]

[Where’s that?]

[I live in the basement of the store. It saves on rent and way easier to feed my pet C.H.U.D.]

[LoL, okay.]

I can't help but to type post.

[You do know that you asked me out and I’m picking you up?]

[All apart of my charm! I’ll see you in a bit I really need to shower and get cute.]

[I think you’re cute already.]

[Uh-huh spoken like a guy who hasn’t seen me in Mugly face.]

[Mugly face?]

[LoL! I’ll tell you when you get here.]

She logs off and I’m staring at the screen smiling, I have a breakfast date.

How the heck did that suddenly happen?