What a good boy…Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I’m nervous as I’m waiting for Frank to show up. Knowing what he might think I’ve been thinking about and how he might react is playing with my head and the stuff that mom’s been saying about just hooking up with someone.

I’m pacing a little out front in the driveway when he shows up in a cab. He pays and he walks over looking at me but not looking at me.

“You came.”

He nods.

“Why?”

“Tracy…”

I look at him. He seems nervous too and uncomfortable.

“Why did you come here Frank? I mean is it just to get laid?”

“Because you told me to.”

“Just that?”

“…………………..”

“I’m not into just that…Frank I’m tired of the bullshit between us, you acting like a jerk and now all this weirdness from what happened when you tried to force me.”

“I’m…I’m sorry…It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“It’s just that…that I want you…I don’t know why…I’m supposed to hate you…Dad…dad says that you’re a freak and that if you weren’t a freak that you’d hate what happened to you and you’d never show your face at school.”

“He doesn’t even fucking know me.”

“He doesn’t know me either and he can’t…”

“Why? Because you like me?”

He nods.

“So you do like me?”

“Y..yes…god Tracy I like you so much it hurts.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“But you’re here now….”

“Yeah…I don’t care anymore…I don’t I can’t…you…you’re like some freaky dream that I had that came to life.”

“I’m a freaky dream…”

He shrugs. “A sexy scary one.”

“And you want to be with me?”

“Please….?” There’s a lot of real want and emotion in his voice.

“Maybe we should take this inside?”

“Okay…”

I head inside and up to my room and he follows along and he’s watching me so intently…hungry like and it’s kind of frightening and it’s kind of making me feel…I don’t know sexy…to be wanted like this.

I close the door and put on some music.

“If we’re going to do this things are changing Frank, no more you avoiding me, no more you acting like some big posturing asshole at school…no more going along with the asshole-mob just because it’s cover.”

He looks at me. “I’ll try…”

I nod. “So…you want some of this?”

He nods.

“Well then you’d better come over here and kiss my clitty until I’m hot and wet then.”

“Okay…”

Frank comes over and he kneels down and he reaches up and works my pant down.

“Oh god…oh shit Tracy…panties…” He groans putting his face into my mound.

“You like…?”

“Lucky…you’re so fucking lucky…”

“Lucky? Maybe I was almost killed Frank.”

“I’d take it, I’d take the pain and the hurt to have this.”

“Have this?”

“A pussy…”

“You want a pussy?”

He nods and nuzzles me at the same time. “It’s…it’s what makes it so hard for me Tracy…I want to be you not just be with you.”

“Hey…look at me Frank.”

He looks up at me.

“You…you really don’t like being a guy do you?”

He closes his eyes and he shakes his head. “No…but I can’t…”

I reach down and take his face and guide him up. “It’s okay…you don’t have to be a boy here Frankie.”

His eyes snap open, her eyes snap open and I look at her. “You don’t…I’m safe…you’re safe okay?”

“Please…please yes.”

I kiss her, I mean Frankie and I kiss her like she’s the girl. There’s definitely something to this, he moves like Gwen and Sophie…well not like them but he melts like that, like the way that girls do.

“Do you still want to be here? To do this Frankie? We can just hang out if that’s all you’re good with.”

“No…I still want this , please, please Tracy I want this…I want you………..you…you said that you’d maybe let me fuck you if you fucked me first…I want that…I want you to take me…take my cherry and make me cry out like you do to those girls that you’re with…please…”

“Okay.” I smile at her. “So…how would you like to do this right?”

“Right?”

“Smooth…with the right things on…in panties…?” I kiss them again and Frankie shivers really hard. “Ohhhh…Tracy….” It’s a moan.

“Did you just?”

Frankie nods and looks dazed and heading to being embarrassed. I kiss her again. “Get undressed.”

She get’s undressed and I kiss Frankie again. “Go and shower, I’ll be right back and use the toilet?”

She nods and bites her lip and heads to my bathroom once I point it out and I run to mom’s room. She’s on her bed typing away on her laptop. “Mom? I need to borrow a few things.”

“Sure, why?”

“Uhm…”

“Tracy, uhm is not a good answer.”

“My transgendered girlfriend hasn’t anything to get pretty and sexy?”

“Oh okay, is she a girlfriend like the other two?”

“Yes, I think so now yes.”

“So there’s connection?”

“Yes, definitely yes.”

“Okay, there’s a bag on my closet with some of the things that I bought you for when I thought you might have been going to transition yourself I think those will do.”

I look it’s there several shopping bags from places stuffed into a larger plastic bag. “You kept these?”

“It was more like I forgot to take them back but your friend can have them.”

“Oh…” Well with mom that makes sense. “Cool thank you!” I give her a hug and a kiss on her cheek since she never actually stopped doing what she was doing the entire time. She absently kisses my cheek in return.

“You’re welcome have good sex.”

“Mom…..”

I roll my eyes and leave and it’s still a little weird that she’s good with me doing stuff like this but right now I am very much agreeing with her in that it’s better to know where we are and what we’re doing than not and honestly besides being really, really horny now I’m grateful to have a safe place for this.

And even grateful that Frankie has this place right now.

Learning to be me and talking to people that are TG online I have a good or rather bad idea of what Frankie’s family might do and how important a safe have can actually be.

I could hear pain in Frankie’s voice there too along with the yearning.

Who would think things like this would happen that things between me and her would change so fast?

I actually want to do right by her; I want to be that good guy that’s her first.

I dig through the bags and there’s mostly underthings and some bath kit stuff but there’s sets of clean panties and several beginner bras and I go to the door of the bathroom.

“Frankie? Have you ever dressed before?”

“I…I…uhm…yes…”

Okay I have some things that you can have I’m going to set them on the counter.”

“Okay…thank you…”

I set the stuff in and I actually don’t look but I hurry up and clean things up in my room a bit and light some scented candles and apply some body spray deodorant cologne…yes more of a guys style but not AXE…ugh that stuff’s disgusting I get undressed myself and change the music that’s playing actually going for an old rock ballad channel on my computer it’s I don’t know kind of fitting and I just turned down the lights when I hear.

“Uhm…Tracy?”

“Oh…oh Frankie.”

Okay…Frankie’s a boy but neither one of us are driving yet and he’s not a really big hulking guy but freshly showered and hair wet and sort of styled in an attempt to look feminine and with none of that guy body hair any more and the make-up that their wearing and then the underwear the moss green nylon panties and beginner bra she looks like a girl…a flat chested athletic girl but a girl.

Very passable since he hasn’t gotten totally guy’ed up by puberty yet.

Well except for the tent rising rapidly in those panties.

I smile and step over to her and kiss her. “You look sexy.”

“I do? I wish I had long hair…and wasn’t so…guy still.”

“No…it’s sexy.”

“Really?”

I take her hand and slide it to my panties. “See…I’m pretty much leaning towards being a lesbian y’know….Frank…he’s okay, Frankie on the other hand is….”

She kisses me and walks me backwards to my bed. “I want this Tracy, god I want this so much…I can just be…me…like this but I’ll never get to be as lucky as you…but if I can have you…and have you treat me like those other girls you’re with then it might not be so bad…”

We get to the bed and she sits me down and sinks down in that sexy squat that girls do and she pulls my panties down. “Please…” She licks me. “Please..let me be your tranny girl tonight?”

She sinks her face into my vee and…oh…oh hell yes.

It might be the mood, it might be her being more free or into it but Frankie is a better honeybee than they were as Frank and she’s curious…tasting and touching and cooing things like… “Here? Like this? How’s that baby?”

My fingers slip down into her hair which while short is still long enough for me to get my fingers through and to hang on like she’s a saddle pommel as I move and ride her face. “Gnnh…Frankie…mmm…good girl…oh…there…good girl…”

I’m so turned on too by this point that when I cum its good painful like you can feel yourself get off so hard you legs and ab’s tense right up like a piano wire and cry out in joy.

I pull her up… “Fuck me Frankie…”

“What?”

“I want you…I’ve been thinking about it before this…what I am and who I’ll be then this…you happened and opened up to me and you showed me this you and god, just god you’re so pretty and so hot…I want you…and you’re so hard…do you want me too?”

“Yes, oh god yes I want you Tracy…you’re a guy and you’re like this girl and you’re so like this sexy dream…I never thought I’d want anyone then you come along and I just…I need you…I need to be with you and be the real me…please…can I?”

“Yes…”

“God I want this, I want you…it’s so like a dream.”

“Fuck me…I’m so hot right now, so wet fuck me and slip your clit-stick into me and grind my pussy.”

“My what?” she giggled or it came out close to one, there’s a lot of not quite girl there but still it’s enough and still kind of hot.

“Your clit-stick…” I grin and she smiles back. Then she slides up my body and kisses me over and over until I feel it…it…cock…clit-stick…the real thing …it’s harder than I remember…but then again I never had mine inside of me. And I’m biting my lip and fisting the sheets as she goes deeper and deeper.

It’s so warm inside of me, so hard too but not hard there’s that feeling that they so try to duplicate with latex or silicone but never do…honestly nothing feels the same as the real thing and the biggest difference is that it’s real…It’s part of a living being.

“This…?...God Tracy you feel so good…I…I never knew it was going to be like this.”

“You…You’re a virgin?”

She nods. “I…I’ve never really had the nerve to really try and get with someone before you…oh lord your tight.”

I grin and bite my lower lip. “No…now I’m tight.” And I kagel around her clit-stick. Frankie shivers, I work my ab muscles too.

“Oh…oh..ff..fuck…Traciiiieee…”

I relax my insides and we start getting a rhythm going…I’m not into guys…I’m not but Frankie isn’t a guy…even if she’s sinking into me sweetly over and over she’s not…the moans she let’s out the silky sighs the gasps. And I’m doing the same only I’ve been with Gwen and Sophie so I’m not the virgin even though this is my first real thing and I go slowly, and I move with her and I give back…not give it hard but more like two people connecting in sex. I want this to be special actually. It’s actually kind of important to me.

Pride maybe?

I want to be her good boy instead of someone’s good girl I want to be that boy with that sigh she’ll have when she thinks of her first time.

“Does it feel good…does it Tracy?”

“Yes…oh fuck yes girl I love the feeling…I’d never go back…”

“God I want to feel that…”

“You will…Oh I’ll show you…”

“Please…please…please…oh please fuck me Tracy…!” She says it over and over again like she’s chanting it like a reverse way of sexy talk instead of telling me she’s going to fuck me hard she’s fucking me hard and asking for me to…I cum and then she arches her back sinking into my vee all the way until our mounds are touching and she cries out my name as she cums.

I’m panting and she’s panting and she’s on top of me. Okay their not that heavy a few pounds or so actually heavier than Gwen but its pleasant. I nuzzle her neck and bite suckle on her ear.

“I thought that you’d be against doing this?”

“No…I just…I want to make love to girls and stuff and…..”

“Vee-boys like me?”

“Yeah but I want to be me doing it…dressed and smooth and sexy…not…I don’t want to be a thug like my father…I hate that macho crap.”

“What about guys?”

“I dunno, if maybe there’d be one that’d like me for me…like this maybe.”

“How about this guy?”

“Yes…please?” She’s looking at me with her eyes really big and there’s this really kind of sweet blink and I smile and I roll us over and take top. I get the harness for the strap on and the lube and the toy. Frankie’s eyes go big.

“That’s so big…”

“It is, but it feels so good.” I grin at her.

“Really…” She does the sexy blink and this sort of shy, shy blush takes it from my hands and she starts to give it a blowjob while I’m slipping into the harness.

Oh you sexy thing you.

I let her keep sucking the big boy and she’s really getting into it or getting into putting on this show for me and I take out the lube and one of the condoms I had from before and slip it over my middle two fingers and lube them then slip my hand down her panties and play with her rosebud as I’ve heard it called.

Frankie’s eyes close and then her lids flutter and her nostrils flare as she moans around the big toy as my fingers sink into her. That moan is almost too much…she’s so different than before…I reach up and take the toy from her lips and attach it and she’s actually sort of staring at me with her eyes half lidded as I massage her insides but she’s biting her lip and making these sexy little sounds…and gasps.

“Lay down.”

She lay’s down. “Tracy…leave them on…my panties, please.”

“Okay…you really like them?”

“They make me feel pretty, I want to be pretty.”

“You are pretty Frankie, you are.”

She has these two big fat tears that spill out over her cheeks and I lean over and kiss her and carefully slide her panties to one side and get into position.

“Are you ready? it’s going to hurt.”

She nods still with the tears but this sort of scared smile too. I can’t believe that I’m having that slow, being careful with a girl experience finally and that it’s with a girl like Frankie……it’s.

Maybe it’s more special that we are just like we are each doing this…this is, this is me being with a girl for her first time just like we had just been with her other first time and my first time with a real flesh and blood cock.

I ease in trying to lessen the pain, and just be gentle. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned for sure is that even if it’s a toy it’s someone being inside you and you’re very vulnerable like that, it’s a very personal thing.

Again I’m glad that mom’s on the money about the whole something more than a hook up thing.

She looks like a she there…on her back biting her lip, rolling her hips as she plays with her bra straps with her thumbs.

“More…Oh…Oh fuck Tracy you’re big…so big…it…I feel so full…so good…More...please more?”

“Okay…okay…”

I lift her legs and wrap them around my waist and I lean into her and roll my hips and take long full strokes getting into it and into a rhythm…the base of the toy grinding me, rubbing me off making me want more of that but Frankie’s cries and the way she starts to move, to writhe under me as the long deep steady strokes are sending her into that place all of us go to when we’re really just falling into the sexy trance of being filled and her pleasure is turning me on more and more and I get off as much as she does but I’m breathing her name into her ear and her neck while she’s crying mine out when she cums

She doesn’t look like a bot when she’s in the midst of her orgasm.

I use the fact that it never goes soft and how good of shape I’m in to keep going and going. Until she let’s out this little wail eventually and she flops back onto my bed…the look and sound of that combined with all the feelings from my end bring me off too.

I lower myself onto her and we lay there and we pant and just hold each other. I think we dozed too…yes we dozed and I’m woken up by her watch beeping in her clothes.

She stirs. “I have to go…I have to be home in and hour.”

“What will you tell your dad?”

“Nothing…Tracy I…I’m not ready to be out…I can’t be out…I just…I can’t.” She’s crying and I pull her close.

“Okay…okay it’s not problem you’re not the only kid in our school living stealth I’m sure.”

“Really?”

“Probably.”

“Oh…”

“So your dad?”

“I was over here looking at buying one of your guitars…?”

“Okay, I’ll go with that and why’d it take so long?”

“Arguing…he thinks I hate you like he does.”

“Yeah…I still don’t get that. He doesn’t know me.”

She shrugged and there were a few more tears. “He hates anyone like that…gay, lez, bi, trans he looses his shit whenever her hears something about the freaks.”

“Great…will you be okay?”

“No…I haven’t been okay there in years…it’s like living in this place undercover and the people there would kill you if they found out who or what you really are…it’s fucking hell Tracy.”

“Leave?”

“And do what? I can’t I just can’t I’m too scared…I hate it but they’re my family.”

“Okay but if you need me.”

“Okay…” She sniffles and snuggles and kisses me. “Can I use your shower again?”

“Sure, c’mon I need one too and I’ll wash your back.”

She bites her lip again but gives me that smile again. “Sure, I’d like that.”

We shower together and it’s non-sexual but it’s still sort of sexual. I get to wash her hair for her…to me that’s one of those guy things that he gets to do while he’s in the shower with his girl. And with Frankie like the girls having someone there to wash and reach places for you is really nice…no seriously nice.

It’s kind of a real sad sort of shame though seeing Frank come back. Frankie getting back into drab…and I’m finally getting that term now is like her climbing into this Frank body snowsuit…like she’s dressing into him as much as the clothes and just the hurt and the sad sort of defeat there…you know when they say someone’s soul’s heavy?

I see Frankie weighing her soul down.

She can’t even kiss me before she…before he leaves in the cab.

I head upstairs kind of upset in a way I’m still trying to get and I clean up and put on some music before trying to vent it out by working out.

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

[Chorus]
This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

[Chorus]

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid awake all night.

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

[Chorus]

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey