Another story about what might happen when the secret is out and the closet door flung open.
I hope you enjoy my rambling

It had been a normal sort of day at work, the usual jobs that got done or put off till it became more urgent till they got finished. Followed by my usual drive home stopping at the store to pick up some fresh food to make the evening meal with. I was expecting the usual welcome at home, son slouched in the front room watching TV or playing on his PS, making a drink while I prepared the meal and nagging Sean about not doing anything around the house while he was on holiday.

But the normal ended that evening. I got home to find Sean reading the computer and a few telltale signs that he had found my secret case. On the computer was a site I recognised, one like this with cross dressing tales on it, on the table were some magazines and on the floor the case in which I stored my feminine clothes. This was not a good thing to greet anyone after a days work, I had to switch from laid back get things done and relax mode, to wide awake how am I going to handle this situation in an instant.

'Hi Sean' I started 'what have you got there?' stupid question as I knew exactly what he had, all of Stephanie's possessions.
'Dad?' uncertianty in his vioce, Sean was unsure how to handle the situation as well.
'I think we need to talk son' now there was an understatement. Should I play it down, try to dismiss it as something that happened years ago, maybe a response to Kay's death, his mum and my wife, should I be frank and honest, I could even have a breakdown and try to get some sympathy as I seemingly crumpled under the strain of goodness knows what.
'These aren't mum's are they?'
'Well no,' I had to say something, truth or lie 'they are mine' there we are, a start at least with an honest answer, 'let me try to explain'

Even though Sean might be your average sixteen year old, full of uncertainties about who he was, not sure what the outdoors are for when on holiday, alien to style, smartness or even at times soap, I knew under the facade he was a good caring kid. We had lost Kay five years ago and with the help of his grandparents had managed to raise him to be a decent lad. So I decided he could probably handle the truth, he had coped with the grief of seeing a mother die, this should be easier.

'You see I am what is called a cross dresser, maybe not like the ones you have come across on the websites. I just like to wear female clothes at times, it is nice, a bit of an escape, relaxing, but also has a bit of thrill and recklessness added in as well.' Not bad for a quick resume.

I went on to explain how I first started dressing when I was about ten with my sister in games and make believe stories to entertain a younger child. I moved onto his gran's clothes stored in the loft before giving it up when I married, but once I was widowed I found myself drifting back to the dressing for some sort of escape from the reality of how sad I was, pretty much the same emotions Sean had had only expressed differently. He had been withdrawn, my mother being his support as she was not quite as raw as his other gran or myself, and we came through it, he was still quiet, I still dressed.

I tried to keep it calm and Sean being Sean was thoughtful in his expressions, not giving much away. Fortunately no histrionics or anger, he did ask some questions though, like did his mum know, which she did, I had been honest with her though she disapproved. There was of course the 'why do it?' question, straight answer, 'I don't know' and tried to explain how it was just a part of me.

The evening wound down after the trauma of being discovered, I tidied everything away, we discussed how we felt about not having a woman in the house. We had not talked of Kay for well over a year but this brought her up and we talked openly about missing her, and how I was glad Sean had been around as it helped me cope with my loss. There were many positives to be taken from his discovery, but what hung over me that night and into the next day was how he would react to the fact that his dad was a trannie. He might go back into his shell, rebel and go of the rails, expose me to family and friends. I was doubting whether honesty had been the best way, but lying would have been so hard to handle, for me then and possibly in the future as he would certainly find the truth. At worst I rationalised I get banished from the family and he goes to live with one of his grandparents, a poor outcome I know and not one I wanted, if only I could have kept my desires under control and just been a regular dad to him.

Before I went to work the next day I bobbed into his room to say good bye and ask him to tidy the kitchen, hoping to keep things normal, but did ask if he was ok after the night before. He grunted something that sounded like ok from under the covers. I left him not knowing how this revelation was going to pan out.

I was not to sharp at work, my thoughts constantly drifting of to think about dressing and Sean and the future. I drove home wondering what he might be thinking and dreading opening the door. The first thing I noticed was the kitchen was clean, then the tv was off and music was playing, the nice soul music we both enjoyed. Then I got the shock of my life, he came to the kitchen door said 'hi' and I nearly fainted as I turned from the kettle to see him. He was wearing my black stretchy dress, a bob wig, tights and black heels, there was red lipstick, mascara and eye shadow but not well applied. I was speechless, so he stepped into the silence, 'I can make your coffee' I must have continued to stare, 'so how do I look?'

The kettle clicked off and he went to get me the milk as I poured the water. Then we sat down and he told me about his day. How he wanted to be angry with me for not being normal, how could he bear the embarrassment of knowing I was one of them. Then he thought about Kay. Next he logged onto some websites luckily not the porn type ones, saw some pictures and blogs of people who seemed to be enjoying life even if there were some issues going on with them, he also commented how good looking some were, especially the young ones. So sometime during his day he had got the case out once again and sorted out an outfit he liked and tried it on to see what all the fuss was about. By the time he had finished talking I had prepared our meal with his help and were sitting down to eat. I had to ask as he seemed to be coming to the end 'And how does it feel?' he did not actually have to say anything, his smile told me enough, he smoothed his hands down his dress as he sat, then brushed some hairs from his face. 'I think I get it' was his reply.

This left me wondering if the storm was over, he was not about to go screaming pervert at me, but was this an acceptance of me or had I encouraged him into a life of internal and eternal conflicts about who am I and why do I want to look like a woman.

I slept a little easier that night, and was better applied to work the next day, but returning home was not a comfortable moment not knowing what to expect when I opened the door. I was pleased to see some housework done and the table laid for tea, the tv was on and Sean was lounging in front of it, back to normal I thought. Had the past two evenings been a dream, we went through our routine of pleasantries, thanked him for his help, ate, then he went off to one of his mates till late, which left me alone with an opportunity I used to consider as Stephanie time, maybe a long scented soak, a quick change and relax in the front room. Whatever I might have done, I was in uncharted territory, he knew, so what if he came home and found me dressed, what if I spent the weekend dressed, maybe I should seriously think about shaving my legs. In the end I did nothing but went on the computer to look at where he had been surfing curious to see what sort of information he had been seeing. To my surprise it was not all ladyboys and she male sites, there were sites that talked about how to hide your male features, where to get make up, clothes and more intimate stuff, as well as blogs mainly from younger men who were pretty good looking I had to admit. I wished I could access his e-mail to see if he had written to anyone, but maybe that was pushing his privacy too much, it would be nice to read what was peaking his interest though.

It was Friday evening that the dressing subject cropped up again. A very big trannie who could never disguise his frame as being anything but male even with surgery was pictured in a TV magazine advertising a programme 'transvestite wives' not that we watched it but Sean commented that he did not get anyone wanting to be ridiculed as a man in a dress, but he could see the appeal of nice clothes in private and if you were good enough then going out as a girl could be something of a thrill. He asked how good I looked and if I had ever been out, I told him I was eight out of ten at my best, and I once went out late at night to post a letter, nothing more just a nerve wracking short walk.

I asked him what he had found out on the computer which lead us into talking about different sorts of dressing, I was relieved to hear he was not interested in the more bizarre branches but just stuck with the basic looking like a girl. So I ended up asking if he wanted to go shopping on the Saturday, being naive he asked 'what for' I said to get you some things of your own so he could dress if he wanted in clothes he chose and not my more mature styles.

That night I wore my favourite nightie, the first time I had dared when he was at home. Then in the morning we both did some cleaning before I asked him if he had decided about going shopping. He clearly had thought about it and asked the obvious question, how? I told him we just go to big stores try to look as if this is something ordinary like buying food, hopefully people think we are buying gifts, but what if they think we are buying for ourselves, they don't know us and probably don't care. I could tell he was still unsure so I suggested a trip to a shopping outlet village some way away, we look around if he sees something I would go back, pick it up and pay for it without him. This seemed to get his approval and we were off.

We got there for lunch which was good because we could eat a burger and watch people passing by and comment on what things we liked about the way girls dressed. We soon had a good idea what we were looking for, tunic top, leggings, ballet shoes, or a short dress and heels. This proved to be easier than I imagined, yes he was nervous, but from a distance he would pick out what he liked. Soon we had leggings and ballet shoes, easy stuff. As the shopping continued he got confident enough to let his fingers browse the rails, maybe father and son in the ladies section was unusual but no one seemed to take any notice, it was busy and lots of men were there, mostly with partners admitedly but we were not the only males in this female enviroment. By mid afternoon we had found his two outfits, had bought some make up to add to my selection and bought another coke. This gave us chance to consider what we had done, and give him the chance of returning anything he was not keen on, or the whole lot if he wanted to forget the whole idea. He said no, he wanted to keep everything, I did suggest he take the shoes into the gents and slip them on in a cubicle to make sure we had the right size, gently reminding him to take his thick socks off first.

We were home for five and unloaded his bags from the car. 'What now?' I asked 'do you want to try something on?' he nodded a yes. 'Do you want me to help you with some make up' he mumbled a no and disappeared to his room. An hour later he reappeared in his cream and pink dress, tan tights, cream heels, my longer blonde wig and a perfectly made up face. I looked him up and down and told him how pretty he looked, then gave him a hug, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, this was such a relief to have him accepting my fiobles, even embracing them.
'I was going to make some tea'
His reply was unexpected 'Dad would you get dressed as well please' I did not need asking twice, after asking to make sure, I was into my room and stripped before I had thought about what I might wear. seeing as he chose a dress I went with that, my LBD, black stockings, 4" heels and my bob wig. Finished off with some jewelry and scent. I came into the kitchen to find 'son' putting a chicken salad on the table.
'What do you think?' I asked as I stood in the doorway.
'Oh dad' he came over and hugged me.
'Whatever is the matter,' I soothingly said into his ear as I hugged him back.
'It's wrong this dressing up as women'
'No not wrong, unusual yes, but if you enjoy it where is the harm?'
'I have had such a great time today, and you look great, and it ought to feel wrong, I should want to be a boy because that is what I am, I am confused by all this'
We hugged and told him I knew how he felt, I had been through the same confusion, self doubts, questioning, but if we harm no one and enjoy it, then why not do it. I wiped his tears and told him to go and repair his make up, thinking that he might just as easily clean everything off and come down as a lad.

He was too quick for a complete change, he came in looking good again if a little puffy around the eyes. We sat and ate his meal and opened a bottle of white wine, this time I did not water his down, he had been so understanding about the whole situation I felt it right I treat him more like an adult than a kid at that moment. We talked about how he had done his make up so well, I knew he had been in my make up, but not by how much, he had been on websites and practicing on himself while I was at work, until he was pretty good. He must have spent hours looking in the mirror to get that good, I was impressed.

It was a lovely evening, after we ate, we sat and watched the tv, well we spent a lot of time watching each other, I wanted to see just how feminine he was. I was not sure why he was checking up on me though. The end of the evening was good as well. I was able to change into my nightie before cleansing my face and going to bed, he even saw me through the bedroom door and made no comment other than 'Does that feel as nice as it looks' meaning the full length nightdress I had on. So I pointed at the drawer I had moved my other ones too and suggested he chose one to try. He took a short pink one, shoe string shoulders and barely covering his arse. Very pretty.

Sunday we had breakfast in our night clothes and rather disappointedly had to dress more coventionally as we had offered to visit my parents and help with their garden as they were struggling to maitain it. It was a fairly unforgettable day of weeding and eating my mother's cooking, all except for her getting me in a corner and in a hushed whisper telling me she thought Sean had been wearing make up, I just said lads his age try lots of things, I knew about the mascara, he does it to make his eyes dramatic when he is going out, seems to work as well. She just tutted and muttered 'not in my day' sort of words. I did tell Sean he had been rumbled and what I had said to cover for him.

Monday everything was back to normal, Sean at school, me to work. I would get home to find him doing school work with the tv on, he was coming up to exams and was taking them seriously. If you did not know about the previous week end and the days before, you might never know what had happened, that was until Friday. On Friday evening I had decidded that I could let my barriers down a little and shaved my legs while in the shower, then filed my nails to a neat curve. But it was after Sean had gone to bed that I got a more significant decider. I was locking up when he came downstairs for a drink, nothing unusual in that, what did take my attention was that he was in the pink nightie. I said nothing just went to bed in my own.

Come the morning I was sat eating my toast in my cream satin nightie and matching wrap when Sean appeared in his pink nightie but with his bulky cotton dressing gown on. Once we were awake and talking I asked what he fancied doing that day. He said he had some homework to be in for Monday, so I suggested we go and get him some new nightclothes. He smiled and said thank you.

We were back for lunch, two nighties, one long, one short and a long silk wrap, plus a pair of fluffy slippers. He went to his room I thought to try them on but was gone too long, so was not surprised later as he came downstairs in the green tunic and black leggings outfit, again beautifully made up and looking like a daughter once more.

Once I had done my errands and outside jobs I too changed into a casual look of satin blouse with neat straight denim skirt, hoping to compliment his female look. He spent the rest of that day and the following in a combination of his feminine clothes and mine, stopping in and studying. I could not find any reason to dissapprove of this behaviour, in fact I was enjoying his new found enthasiasm for looking pretty. I also liked the way he was talking more and not just about clothes but about feelings. There was also a closeness that was new to us, even a physical closeness that had started in the first encounters with hugs then by sitting next to me and letting me put a parental arm around him. These were special new developments in our relationship that both of us relished it seemed.

Sean was already a studious boy, but if he dressed he would be confined to the house which meant he would study more, which in turn I felt sure was reflected in the marks that he achieved at school.

I did need to make it clear that our 'hobby' was not universally accepted and he should be descrete about leaving non male items on show as they would raise suspicion in our house, his grandparents did call as well his friends, fortunately never unannouced so we always had time to have a quick tidy up if someone was calling.

During the term up to the summer holidays we fell into an easy routine, both of us slept in nighties, I started wearing knickers fulltime, and come the weekend if Sean or myself was not going out then our femme side got to come out. It was a lovely time where we got to know each other better and our feminine sides flourished. As the weeks went by I also increased his allowance as it felt mean to limit his money to that of a boys when he had female expenditure as well. Soon I was seeing new skirts and tops, and make up that I called experimental but required products I would never buy, and colours I did not know existed.

He had found something that had taken his interest and like many teenage passions it became consuming. He was reading everything he could on the subject especially while dressed, there were hours spent practising and experimenting, I was pleased to see this had no effect on his school work, rather he cut down on his PS time. I used to come home to a lad slouched on the settee or involved with a hand controller intensely watching the screen, then I would come home often to a call from upstairs 'be down in a minute' when I shouted my welcome. Like I say it was a good time for both of us. Some of our conversations were not atypical of father/son relationships. I still remember clearly the first time sexuality came up, he asked me directly if I was gay, I told him I loved his mother and even though she was not about, still did or at least her memory. He however over the weeks revealed he was getting confused over his orientation. Did he like to imitate girls because he wanted to be one and have boyfriends, or did he dress like a girl as a form of worship for the females he knew and fancied, and why did he look at both sexes thinking which of them were good looking. The other hard topic to work with was his dillema of the future, he had seen what hormones did to his friends, the girls long ago developing womanly curves, and some of his lad friends starting to shave, most having got the deeper voice already, and he wanted to know which would be better, to grow facial hair or breasts, and I could see he was torn between the two. There was discussion about getting drugs that would stop his male hormones kicking in and put off the time he had before the testosterone ruined his girlie looks and voice. What could I say he was my son, we, now I, had raised him as a son but I loved having a daughter around, I found his questions just as challenging maybe because I never had the choice really but had dreamt of the situation, and now I had to find some answers to help my child.

After school broke up and he relaxed into the holidays, he made some changes that I was not entirely sure about. For the past few years he had spent time with his grandparents doing jobs for them about their houses, gardening, heavy cleaning, painting sort of work. They liked having him about, he liked going and he liked the money they paid him. In years past he would spend the money on games and going out with his mates, this year he still went out with mates but he also went off on his own feeding his new hobby. His first purchase was a lovely ankle length sun dress, fading from chocolate brown at the metres long hem to pale cream on the shoe lace shoulder straps. I had seen it on one of our shopping trips and knew it not to be cheap so was unsettled that he was spending so much of his limited income on one item. He did look good in it though. The next surprise was far more significant, I came home one day to find him making us tea fully dressed, which was not that unusual except he was not wearing his wig. He had been to a salon and had his own hair styled, it was now blonde, the sides were tongue iron straight with the top being a randomly spiky quiff with plenty of hieght, a style I had seen on a few women and one male. He sensed I was clearly shocked and asked if I liked it, 'Will take some getting used too' I offered. It was then I noticed two small studs in his ears, 'You seen your gran yet?' she was very distinct about gender roles I always felt, but he said he had been round earlier and she had said nothing, just remarked that he had tried something new. It certainly was new. The following morning in a nightie and flattened bed hair it still looked dramatic, and even when I saw him that evening in his lad clothes as he went out with mates, the blonde quiff still struck me as feminine even with a hoodie and jeans below it. He knew that his mates might well tease him because he mentioned it before he left, and he was right. I was still up when he came in and he wanted to talk I could tell. He had been teased, his hair had been called 'gay', some had tried to flatten it but the gel held it too well he said, it was not all negative though some had liked it especially the girls that hung out with them, which unfortunately did not help diminish the gay tag at all.

What was surprising was the reaction of his grandparents,especially the grans who said nice things about his new style, Kay's mother even saying he reminded her of Kay, which I kind of got at the time, but really got the next time I saw him with make up on, simply stunning. Yes, just like his mum I thought.

A big turning point for both of us was when we went away for a week to a caravan a friend let out. The caravan was only part of the big event, the start was a conversation a week before. We were sat in on a Friday evening, Sean in his long sun dress, me in a plain blouse and floral skirt. He had been home all day doing nothing much so had had time to think, 'Have you ever been out?' he asked I thought I had told him about my night walk a long time ago, but I told him the tale again. 'Do you never want to go out as you are sometimes, we get all dressed up and never do anything, just sit around here' he was asking what I had long ago decided I never had the nerve for, going out en femme. I prevaricated with the dangers of being caught, not looking good enough, wanting to pass, not wanting to arouse comment, getting teased, seeing someone I knew. He came back at me with the words I had complimented him with, that he looked great and that he was so feminine, his argument was that if he was that good and he also considered me to be very passable, then why don't we go out as girls sometime and see if we can do it. I remembered how terrifying and how much of a buzz my night walk had been, but Sean was not thinking about dark lanes I sensed he was thinking of daylight in a busy place. I was apprehensive of his ideas to say the least.

By the time we were packing to go away he had it all worked out, he had done research and found that Blackpool, which was not far from where we were going had plenty of gay and trannie friendly places, so he was packing with trips to those places in mind. But it was the Saturday morning as we packed the car that I got a full sense of what he planned. With it being the weekend we had breakfast in our female style wraps before getting dressed. While I put on jeans and a cool shirt, he appeared in a new outfit of pale blue top and what looked like white track bottoms but were not, they fitted rather too well and had ribbon ties at the ankles and hips, his feet had delicate white sandals on them, off course his hair had the big quiff looking very dramatic to finish the look off. After I gathered myself together, I asked 'new clothes' to which he replied 'yes, do you like them?' 'Not your normal' was all I managed. 'What is my normal?' was his reply. I had to agree I was not sure what his normal was by then.

We arrived at the caravan site and booked us in at the gate where I got my first indicator of where this week was heading, the man on the gate passing the pleasantry that he hoped me and my daughter would have a nice holiday, I nearly corrected him but thought that this is what Sean wanted to try and do, he wanted to be my daughter even if I was not sure about going out as his mother. He clearly heard the comment and once inside and unpacked added to his look by doing his face, then sitting down and painting his nails a strong pink colour. 'So what do I call you, Sean will sound odd if I need to use a name?'
'You were going to call me Tamsin if I was born a girl, and I like it as well, so Tamsin or Tammy would be nice'
'Ok Tamsin, you have thought about this far more than I have, anything else you should tell me?'
'Well besides not having anything I would consider boyish to wear you mean.'
'What?' I was struggling to get my thoughts together 'what if........'
'I hoped you might like the idea of having Tamsin around for a week' he was looking nervous and hurt.
'Oh well yes it will be nice to have Tammy about, it is just if anything goes wrong and we have to explain why my daughter is really a boy. That sort of thing'
'Sorry, did not think about that, maybe I could borrow something of yours in an emergency'
'I suppose you could, just a bit of a shock to the system this having a daughter around'

We spent the remainder of the day looking round the local area before getting some food and settling down for the evening and making plans, or rather I listened while Tammy told me about all the places my daughter would like to go and explore over the next week.

To be fair we did have an excellent week together, not many parents get to spend time with their sixteen year old children so I made the most of it. Sean/Tamsin did also, the track bottoms were fine for around the site, but for going out he always wore a skirt or dress with low heels or flats in the day, heels at night. We started off going to some resturaunts that were on his list and from the clientele clearly a lad in skirt was nothing to raise an eyebrow at. But we progressed as confidence grew to going anywhere we fancied, walks around local towns, rides on the pleasure beach. By Wednesday he was taking me into shops so he could show me clothes he fancied, and hoped I might buy for him. And by Friday he had persuaded me to return to one of the nice places we had eaten in I was not going to leave the caravan in my dress though and came up with a very complicated plan for getting partially ready, then driving to a secluded spot and finishing off my tranformation, Sean particularly good at make up by then enjoyed doing my face for me which I always felt was a weakness in my disguise, but with his expert skills I felt far more comfortable as we left the car for the short walk to the pasta bar. The owner even remembered Tamsin and commented how nice her parent was looking that evening, I blushed so much my face burnt, he had read me, but seeing my distress he calmed me by saying how he often got customers check out the place first before returning again in their special outfits. He gave us both a mediterraean kiss before showing us to a table. I was so nervous by the time we sat I drank a full glass of water just for something to do, I then realised Sean was very calm and I was a wreck, this should be the other way round I thought and accepted that if I was read in this place then it was not a problem, people half excepted to see cross dressers anyway so they would be looking. This made me feel better and Sean helped with reassuring words as well.

Like I said this week away was a big moment in both our lives, I had been out en femme for the first time really and Sean had not only been out but had lived as a girl for a week. Thankfully once we got home Sean toned down the girl style to nearly where it had been before.

It could be said that what went through the washing basket would be a good indicator of the influence cross dressing was having on our lives. At first we were putting nighties then knickers through the wash, Sean was putting more of his skirts in though because he wore them more often than I did, but what was interesting was the subtle changes, I say knickers but that could be broken down into plain cotton right through to satin, silk and lace materials, and styles including thong, french, boy cut etc. I tended to stay with plain styles but in nice fabrics, Sean was trying out different styles, he said to see what was comfortable and felt good. When we got back from the caravan I noticed that he was wearing more thongs than ever before and no socks, which was down to the deck shoes he had bought while away that he wore bare footed.

The week had been a peak but niether of us really came down to where we had been, Sean continued to wear his hair up and now had some fairly asexual clothes like jeans which were rather tight and fine knit tops that we both knew came from the girls section but could easily have been in the mens. He also spent more time with girls in the area, of an evening he would hang out with three girls who lived close by and loosely meet up with the wider group of teenagers, but for a few weeks these girls were his best friends and somehow inflienced his mannerisms. This was most noticable when I took him to the registration at college for the next stage in his education, he was in what I might call proper Sean clothing but he was walking and sitting as if he was wearing heels and a skirt, I swear he even went to tuck a non existent skirt under himself as he sat down. But then at another time I noticed myself sitting with my hands gently resting in my lap with my ankles crossed under the chair. For anyone really studying us I think we would have given off enough signs to have been rumbled. Sean got on the courses he wanted mostly art and design modules with english literature as the sensible extra.

I was just coming to terms with how his discovery of my hobby had now taken over his personality when he asks if he could make an appiontment with the doctor, for what was a simple request, but the answer was not simple. He had been doing research and found a puberty stopping drug that he wanted the doctor to perscribe, he even had his reasons worked out for the expected questions in the surgery. He would say he was troubled that he was transgendered and stalling puberty would give him time to think before his body became more defined as male. I could see objecting would be wrong so we went together but I waited outside in the waiting room while he went in alone. He came out with a smile on his face but the doctor asked me to go in for a minute. Sean was sixteen so he was in a transition period as far as doctors were concerned, he did not have to get my consent but it was better if he did. Sean had convinced this man of his problem and felt 12 months would give enough time to sort himself out, but he would have to see a counseller during that year and be assessed. I was asked if I was aware of Sean's situation and said that I was, then asked if I had any problem with Sean being possibly transgendered, I said not in a less than convincing way, I liked Sean and was not sure what having a daughter all the time would be like, for the mean time Sean would basically be an undeveloped boy amongst his developing peers which would be odd in itself.

I was glad the drugs were not bought of the internet but I was still nervous everytime I saw the bottle and wondered what they might be doing to him. More noticable was what he was doing to himself. Without the restriction of a school dress code he slowly changed his everyday appearance, by the christmas break his baggy jeans and sweat tops had gone, fitted jeans and tops were everyday now, he wore thongs now because he wanted to avoid any unsightly pantie lines and would eat sensibly so as not to put on wieght. Our bathroom was now a problem if anyone visited, lady razors, Immac, scented bath oils and sillk dressing gowns would look very odd in a two man household. But Sean was also pushing his boundaries with his make up. He started with a single coat of mascara before christmas, but by easter his friends he said had encouraged him to be more adventurous. Clearly these friends were not the ones who had said his blonde quiff looked gay. Come easter I saw him go out of the house in trousers and a warm jacket that could be Sean's but his face had bold mascaraed lashes, a hint of colour on his lips and I felt sure some blusher highlighting his cheeks. Add to that two pretty stones in his ears and now with a longer hair style I was unsure whether to call him Sean or Tamsin. I even told him to be careful as he minced out of the front door, something I had never said before.

Well easter maybe was not a big moment for Sean but it was for me. His grandparents had been making comments about his changing style and seemed to be happy that he was 'finding himself' and expressing himself as an individual, very liberal I said but was surprised as I had expected a more conservative attitude. But it was the comment from my father questioning whether my son was turning into a girl that was most disconcerting, I suggested that I had had the same sort of thoughts, but felt it best to let him find out for himself, no point in challenging him, he might rebel, and we were getting on really well at the time so why rock the boat? Then there was the time I came home from work to find no one downstairs but could hear voices upstairs and when I shouted my hello, Sean appeared with a very pretty girl just behind him, a little off gaurd I was polite to them as they said hello and Sean apologised for not preparing the tea. I had come home to find Sean entertaining friends in the front room before, but in his bedroom was a concern.

When Sally had gone and I had got myself together and worked out what to do. I broached the subject over our meal. I started by making the mistake of assuming they were in the bedroom for sex and was telling him to be sure and use precautions, but I was speechless when he worked out what I was on about and told me to stop worrying Sally had been using his make up. I was stunned. This girl would doubtless have seen his more feminine clothes, clearly his varied selection of cosmetics, and if she had used the bathroom my things also! He told me Sally was 'cool' with his dressing, found it exciting he said, she had been using his blusher and tweezing some of his eyebrow hairs. And checking out his wardrobe? I asked, no he reassured, but you did not hide everything I guessed, no he had not tidied up for her. I could only imagine what she would make of pink baby doll nightwear and the heels he usually left out. I excused myself and went to the toilet as an excuse for taking a peek in his room, and yes the heels were out, not the nightie, but the make up was all out and looking very much a girls room.

By the time I had rejoined him I was settled again, asked him about her and was thankful she seemed to be a good friend from college, the emphasis on friend being clear. Then he asked if I could let him have some money to get his hair done, he had been dying it blonde himself but Sally wanted him to go to a salon she knew and get a new style now it was longer. When I asked where? he said in town somewhere called Wannabes.

Two days later I came home to find my child looking different again, gone the spiky quiff, now he had what looked like all his hair brushed forward around his face feathering to a soft edge, and the strong blonde was gone, replaced with ash colouring and darker tips on the feathers. It suited him and I told him so, inwardly thinking he was looking real pretty if I was honest. He chatted easily about his visit and the nerves he felt about changing the style, but how Ginger the stylist had put him at ease as she had explained and worked on his hair. Seems she has a few men and boys who go to her for the hair cuts and styling. He even suggested I should go next time I needed a cut. Now that was a step way to far for me, but I was happy with how his had turned out.

If Sean was becoming more relaxed with his feminine looks I felt that maybe I should let go of my male stereotype a little, meaning when I was out of the house. I had been keeping myself clear skinned since the previous summer and had been letting my hair grow, just having the ends trimmed to keep it neat. I was fulltime in panties and nightwear, sometimes wearing a camisole as a vest. I had also been making contact with other cross dressers and exchanging e-mails, some were brief but other contacts flourished into good relationships even if we would never meet due to us living on different continents or neither of us having the nerve to meet up publically. That was until I made contact with Julie, a dresser much like myself, been at it for years, until recently never went out, looked pretty when she made the effort, and lived only a few miles away. We chatted for a few weeks, Julie told me of her visits to a shop that caters for trannies and what she had bought, there was also the visits to Manchester and it's famous gay village where she had gone to the Concord and then openly gone to bars in her heels and dress. I had always know about Canal St but lacked the courage to go just in case I was seen, or worse liked it and wanted to go again.

That was February, by March we had meet up as men for a face to face because you hear of people pretending to be someone else, wierd isn't it. We got on alright, Julie was not as slim as me, but had a more mature figure that could easily be mistaken for a woman's. We e-mailed some more, Julie went into the gay area twice more and was pressuring me to go as well. I did not know what to do and it slipped out when I was chatting with Sean one evening that Julie wanted me to join her in town, I knew he would encourage me, and he did. That evening I e-mailed Julie with Sean looking over my shoulder, and without much delay had a reply inviting me to visit her at home or go into town. Sean wanted me to go into town, but I settled for the safer visit to Julie's home that Saturday.

I was a bag of nerves all morning, not able to decide what to take, how much to prepare before I left (there was no way I was going through our door as Stephanie). Eventually I left Sean about four to make the short drive to Julie's. She came to the door already dressed in a plain grey dress, big heels and a bob cut wig. I got a full on hug greeting and told to go upstairs and use the spare bedroom. A short while later she came to check up on me, I was in my underwear with a short silk wrap covering the top half and applying my make up. I was still very tense so the glass of wine and friendly chat helped to ease me down a few notches on the stress scale. I had taken a chioce of outfits, a plain white blouse and blue skirt for if Julie was being conservative, and a light blue dress that barely covered my stockings and fastened up the back with a series of buttons I usually asked Sean to finish off after I had done all I could reach, this time I asked Julie who willingly fastened those hard to reach buttons, then after I had attached my jewelry and dabbed some scent on me, took a long look in her massive mirror. I felt great stood there posing with Julie beside me looking excellent too. I turned and hugged her, this was a big moment for me, I had never dressed in front of a stranger before and Julie was making it so easy.

She had made us a salad to eat, which by seven was gone as well as the bottle of wine. Sitting in her living room, listening to and chatting away about our likes, dislikes, past and possible futures, she suddenly tells me we are wasted in her house, we should go into town and let her show me around. I initially said no, but as we cleared the pots away she complimented me so much on my looks, my bum wiggle, my sexiness. Flattered I did not put up more than token resistance when she got my coat and told me we were going in her car.

The rush of cold air on my stockinged legs and bare thighs was a bit sharp and cut through the nerves that I had about going out of the front door. I made it to the car and after a few miles relaxed. That was until Julie parked on a side street and I worried about how silly I would look, Julie almost dragged me out of the passenger door, then walked with linked arms, like I saw women often do into Paddy Goose, a dump of a bar but Julie said was always a good place to start. It was just gone eight and there were plenty of men in there, and a couple of trannies sat in a corner, they smiled at us and we got ourselves a drink. Found some seats and Julie told me about her last visit when a bloke had chatted her up, I said no thank you to anything like that. Then I heard 'Hi this is Mandy and I am Crystal, you new round here?' Julie explained how she had been a few tiimes but I was a virgin, they squealed in delight and offered to look after us.

They took us to the Union, then onto Mantos and Churchills before finishing in Napoloens. I was not fit to drive by the time we were thinking of going home, I had danced with all three of my new friends plus two men, I had felt a hand stroke my arse more than once and been kissed by Crystal, and not a gentle friends kiss, full on passionate kiss that I did not know how to handle, besides it being years since I had kissed anyone properly, this was a man in a dress like me and his tongue had licked my lips teasing them apart. It did not last long and she apologised after saying I was too f***ing sexy for my own good. Julie reckoned she had not drunk enough to be illegal so about two in the morning we made our way carefully down the emptyish Manchester streets to my house. She obviously wanted to know how I felt about my first night out and recounted all the good parts and some of the less tasteful ones, like having my arse groped. She was interested in the bit about Crystal kissing me because Mandy and her had had a private moment, and though she did not fully explain I am sure one of them got to taste the others semen. I should not have been shocked, from her e-mails I should have guessed she was open for sexual experiences and was pleased that she had never come on strong to me. Arriving at our house, I invited her in for a coffee. We were chatting some more when Sean comes downstairs in his baby blue long satin nightie, with the pretense of getting some water. Julie said 'Hi' so I introduced Sean 'This is Tamsin, did you have a good evening dear?'
'Yes thanks, just getting some water, nice to meet you Julie' he replied
'What a lovely child, very pretty. Just like her mother'
I said she was pretty like her mother before I realised Julie was refering to me as the mother, what a disturbing compliment though it was meant in good part.

By something past three, the house was quiet, Julie gone and I was cleaned up and ready for bed, as I tried to calm down and find sleep I went over the night once more considering what things I might wish to avoid and what I might plan on exploring as Stephanie some more.

Those plans were quick to be organised, by the end of Sunday I had e-mailed Julie and set up my next Stephanie outing. Basically the same as the first time, start at Julie's, change, go out, see what develops. Julie also went out mid week to the trannie club called Concord and told me what a good night it had been. For my part in this new relationship I did my best to be as well prepared as possible, by Thursday I was well and truly clean shaven below the neck, my eyebrows had thinned a little and my skin was being miosturised on a daily basis in the hope it made a difference.

By the time I walked into Julie's house that Saturday I was well psyched up for my first planned night out as Stephanie. I had my blue dress because I had been complimented on it the week before, I had some killer heels to match it, I had cleaned and revived my long blond wig and was ready to strut my stuff, as they say, down the streets of Manchester. Julie greeted me at the door in a short wrap barely covering her lacy black underwear, we hugged and I went to get ready. An hour later we are eating penne pasta and drinking red wine, me in my blue dress, Julie in a sheer black blouse and leopard print mini skirt with the nicest boots I have ever seen on anyone, on her feet. Eventually I summoned up the courage to say I thought she looked a little slutty, maybe looking for sex I ventured. 'Brilliant' was the response, exactly the look wanted. It transpires Mandy would be going to Canal St as well and it would seem Julie had planned something more than sticking with me, and showing me around for her night on the town. Thankfully Crystal was not going so I would not have to work out if being intimate with trannies was for me that evening anyway.

The evening was better fun than I expected after I heard about Mandy's presence. We drifted around a few bars, had a few drinks, got chatting with other trannies, they are quite easy to spot when you know what you are looking for, got chatted up by a couple of trouser wearing blokes and had a few dances later on with the same men. I was amazed at how much I was enjoying myself even without Julie metaphoirically holding my hand as it were. She was actually missing for quite a while once she had seen I was busy chatting with some new friends. The evening ended with us getting a taxi back home, dropping Julie first then me. Like the week before except I would still need to go and pick up my car sometime, but the taxi was safer if very public I felt, which was part of what going out with Julie was all about.

After the easter break revelation that I could venture out in a dress and survive, I was more or less out with Julie every weekend, even going to the Wednesday night club a couple of times, but that was hard with work the day after. I made lots of new friends mostly trannies but a few real men who seemed to like their women to be unconventional. There was one called Pete whose company I enjoyed and he seemed to make a point of being around when I was on my own, he never came on strong like many men did, he just enjoyed chatting and complimenting me on whatever I was wearing. After six weeks I had quite a contact list and was prepared to go without Julie if need be. I also for some drunken reason had given Pete my e mail address and our conversations continued mid week which for me kept the anticipation of the weekend fresher in my mind.

During this time from easter to summer, I was getting far more involved in Stephanie than ever before, I was buying new outfits and preening myself in the evening for no reason other than I could. I was trying to keep an eye on Sean but on reflection I was possibly preoccupied. I had noticed a check shirt/blouse he was wearing to college had a nice pink cast to it and clearly had buttons on the wrong (or right) side, depending how you looked at it. He had white linen trousers he wore with white canvas shoes and he had taken to wearing silver rings and bracelets as well. Sally seemed to be around a lot more than ever before, but was constantly reassured that she was just a friend, not a 'girlfriend' in the normal way. But I was going out early on a Saturday and getting home late, so Sean had a lot of leeway then to do whatever he wanted, if get what I mean.

It was early June I discovered just how much leeway I had allowed when I came home unexpectedly about eleven on a Saturday night. In the front room were four teenagers, Sally and Sean or should I say Tamsin, with two boys. They were drinking cheap lager and when I came in they were behaving like boy/girl couples, Sally and her boy on a single chair, Tamsin and another boy on the settee. I don't know who was more shocked, me or them. I was in a thankfully respectable long cotton sundress but it was still a dress, and the room was full of adolesent hormomes. Tamsin's boy almost jumped off the settee and Sally actually got up and apologised 'Sorry Mrs Bates we were doing nothing just mucking about' It took a moment for my entrance to have destroyed their fun and for them to have made their excuses to 'Mrs Bates' and leave.

I made myself a drink and tidied up the beer cans while I considered what I should do. I took a longer look at my son, he was wearing a loose top that revealed his bra straps, his mini skirt was pretty but very short and his heels were simply sexy, that added to his pretty made up face meant he was looking very much like a girl really.
'Does your friend know what you really are?' I started
'Oh John you mean, yes he is doing a modern art module with me'
'And Sally's friend?'
'He should do, he is John's best mate'
'you do realise what signals you are sending out to lads with the clothes you are wearing'
'Yes I do, and John is alright, he is cool with all this, likes it when I dress up actually' there was then a pause 'but can I say the same of you', it was then I looked down and saw my very strappy skyscraper spikes showing below the hem of the cerise dress. I nearly said 'but I am not snogging lads' then remembered how I had given Pete a deliberately passoinate kiss before we had parted that evening.

We ended the evening sat together apoligising for the way we had reacted to each other and rather unexpectedly discussing what it is like to kiss a man as opposed to a woman. Both agreeing it is nice to have a man want us and make that clear in the way they behave by allowing him to take the lead. Just before midnight as we were going to bed I asked if he had tried girls, he said yes he and Sally had 'practised' kissing but it was odd kissing your best friend, I suggested there might be other girls out there besides Sally but for the moment he was rather hooked on John.

This event triggered something in me though, I discussed with Julie the differences between men, women and trannies, I had kissed Pete properly and some trannies in a friendly way, so Julie suggested we set up some dates, where we try going out as a straight looking couple. To start with the next Friday' Cluade (Julie's male name) would escort Stephanie out for the evening. Still unable to walk out of my own front door dressed I changed at Julie's. This time the door was on the latch and I let myself in, I went to my usual room and dressed in a nice white shift dress, bare tanned legs and white sandals. I came downstairs to find Claude in a smart suit and ready to take me out. We had a lovely meal, I linked his arm as we walked, he paid for everything and made me feel like a woman, in the way I had done when I was trying to impress Kay all those years back. Then back to his house for a nightcap and what turned out to be some intimate experimenting. Claude played his male part and at times forced himself on me, but when I resisted he would tell me to relax and enjoy being the centre of his attention. Before the night was over I had lost my dress and dressed only in my underwear had played for the first time with a cock that was not my own, even succombing to the excitement of the situation and kissing it, then accepting it into my mouth where he ejaculated before collapsing on the chair he was sat on the edge off.

I was unsure about how I felt about the whole experience, but all too soon it was Saturday and my turn to repay. I dressed smart/casual and called round to pick up Julie for our date. She was lovely in a chocolate coloured wrap dress, she had kissed me as a greeting but not in the way Stephanie was kissed. I took her to the pictures and for a drink, then took her home all the time trying to treat her like the woman she appeared to be. I did try to be a dominant male, but was not very good at it, in the end Julie in a reversal of our previous night activities lost her dress, which was not that hard only having two ties holding it fastened, then set about me like a sex starved woman, kissing my dick and then using the erection to rub against her arse, eventually she knelt over me and sucked me until I came, then instead of me collapsing in a spent heap, I said 'sorry' and offered to wipe her face clean.

During the next week we came to the conculsion that I was not a stereotypical man who only thinks of sex, I was more caring and thoughtful, but when I was asked the question 'which did I enjoy most. Being the man and coming. Or being the person who made the man come' I took two days to answer but in the end said I felt more at ease being Claude's compliant woman than trying to be an assertive man to Julie.

I was glad I had never left the house in one of my dresses because on day early in July a nosy neighbour got chatting as I was clearing weeds in the front garden. She was telling me how she had seen Sean, well at least she felt sure it was Sean, going about with a group of teenagers and unless she looked hard it was not easy to say Sean was a boy unless she took a good look. I told her it was a phase he was going through, maybe the art students he was going about with were influencing him. Well I could hardly say 'Keep your nose out you nasty old witch, what does it matter to you that we both like to wear women's clothes.' I did bring the topic up with Sean though, I told him about the old witches comments, he seemed amused by it, but I tried to explain how people like her start whispering gossip all over the place and soon you feel everyone is looking at you and making up stories behind your back. His grandparents on the other hand seemed to have accepted his ambiguous gender style, maybe there would the occasional teasing but nothing spiteful, just the way they always had treated him from being a baby.

Maybe it was paranoia but I was feeling like we were being watched even more, or maybe I felt it was time to move away from the memories of Kay. Whatever I put the house on the market, sold it and moved out of town, close enough for Sean's college and my work, but far enough to aviod gossip and get a more private location alllowing us to come a go without curtian twitching in the windows opposite. I also stopped refering to Sean as son, just child, so our new neighbours could make their own minds up probably able to find out from other teenagers about him if they so desired. One big change for me was to have more courage to dress at home, I could even leave dressed if I put my wig on once away from the house due to the concealed position of the house.

The privacy and distance that his friends had to cover to visit threw up new situations of their own for Sean. Of a weekday he was looking fairly camp and gay with his tight jeans, canvas shoes, and pastel coloured tops, but come the weekend unless we were going somewhere and I asked him to tone it down, he was Tamsin, make up, skirts, heels. I was fine with this even before we moved, but once we moved he stopped dressing down if his friends were visiting. Sally was the first I knew to come and be welcomed by Tamsin, but it was not long before John called on a Saturday and Tamsin was the person who opened the door to him. I even had a little bet with myself as to how long before he went out with his friends as Tamsin, walking out the front door in his heels. I was not far off, he went to a christmas party with Sally, not in full female mode, but enough make up on you not recognise he was a boy under the cosmetics and clothes.

Around about this time his sessions with a counsellor finished along with the drugs, his vioce had not broken and he still did not shave, the counsellor had delved into his past looking at childhood influences, losing his mother, and eventually my part in opening him up to wanting to be pretty. They talked about sexuality and his likes and dislikes, but I could also see he was experimenting to see what he preferred. I found it helpful myself to chat with him after his sessions as it allowed me to think through some of the issues I was having within myself, maybe even work out who I really wanted to be.

I was still friends with Julie, but I had a wider circle now which included real men like Pete, and after my dates with Claude and Julie found myself looking for oppurtunities to be the female partner in a relationship, no matter how brief. Sometimes it was just a dance and a groping kiss, other times like with Pete it could be a nice evening with some serious petting at the end. That was until Sean made arrangements to spend a Saturday night out, sleeping at Julie's and coming back Sunday. I told him to be careful, not to get drunk and look after himself. I hoped he would heed my advice but he left wearing leggings and a long pink top with goodness knows what in the pack he was carrying. As it turned out it should have been Sean/Tammy giving me the talk. With Tamsin gone I ran a scented bath and removed my silk trousers and soft cotton blouse. I had rung Pete to invite him over for a meal that evening as I had the house to myself and this was the start of my preparations. I did the food prep in just my satin wrap, then prepped myself for his arrival. I wore my silver tube dress which worked well if I used adhesive on the false breasts, the long blonde wig was securely fastened which more than could be said for my white sandals that only had a toe strap and felt very loose under my heel but looked fantastic. Pete turned up at eight with flowers and wine, we ate my food, drank his wine and enjoyed some close intimacy as we did so. I fully expected him to leave after I had satisfied his carnal desires, which up until then had been me kissing his dick and catching his semen in my mouth. But that night I took his load washed it down with some wine fully expecting him to leave shortly after, how wrong was I. First he had drunk to much to drive and second he was still randy and wanting more. Realising he would be stopping the night we drank some more and got quite silly, which lead to us going upstairs giggling like kids, I offered him Sean's bed but instead he pushed me against a wall and kissed me. It took seconds for him to pull my dress up above my hips and then guide me onto my own bed. I was so relaxed and enjoying the attention that I hardly noticed when he removed his trousers, I did notice when his prick rubbed between my arse cheeks loving the way he was making me feel like his woman, the cold of the gel he then massaged into my arse soon warmed up, then he was back to rubbing his dick into my arse. I remember flinching when his cock pushed inside me, but his mouth was over mine so I could not moan, only tense up. Then he started to rhythmically move in and out, every time going a liitle deeper, and all I could think of was that I was being made love too, and wasn't it lovely to there. I don't think I had an orgasm, reckon I would remember something like that, but he must have come inside me because when I woke in the morning, I was wearing my powder blue silk nightie with him lay beside me and dried spunk between my legs. I am not sure I remember all the details, but I knew enough to know that had been the night Stephanie lost her virginity properly, even if alcohol had denied me a clear memory of the facts.

Tamsin came home around lunch time, Pete was long gone and the house was tidy, I was still on a high and wearing a pretty flowered dress. Tamsin noticed the flowers and picked up on my mood instantly.
'You had a good night while I was away'
'Not bad, how was yours?'
'He brought you flowers' I did not pick up on the he straight away
'Yes, nice lilies aren't they' I replied
'He made you happy I see'
I thought back over the previous evening 'yes he did'
Tamsin was giving me a knowing look, so for some reason I said 'and before you ask young lady, he behaved like a perfect gentleman'
Tammy's reply was 'and you behaved like a perfect lady I expect' which was said with a smile. 'Oh mummy, I am so pleased for you, was it good?' she stepped over to me and hugged me.
'Whatever do you mean?'
'Was he good, did he make you feel loved?'
I evaded that with silence.
'He did didn't he, did your boyfriend became your lover?'
'Stop it Tamsin. You are embarrassing me now. How was your night at Sally's?'
'Not as much fun as yours, we went round to a girls called Alice, played some silly games, paired off, did some snogging, went back to Sally's, stayed up till four chatting. You see very dull by comparison.'
Trying to keep the focus away from me 'The snogging........ with a boy or a girl?'
'A boy off course, girls are just too soft, some boys are really good kissers, but you know that don't you?' it was back to me, so I changed the subject and asked if there was any college work to be done, as for me I needed to get some more cleaning done, not that I said it but a stained nightie and a make up smeared pillow needed attention.

Christmas that year was a mix of Sean/Tamsin, Stephanie/me depending on who we were seeing, relatives was a male inspired look, anyone else could be quite feminine. We bought each other presents, I bought Tamsin a nice bottle of perfume, Tamsin bought me some jewelery nothing to expensive but included were a set of ear rings which would require me to have my ears pierced if I was to wear them. Initially I said no way but on the day after boxing day we were sharing a bottle of vodka and I found myself having my lobes wiped in antiseptic then numbed with an ice block from my drink, ending up with the small gold studs being fixed to my earlobes, even thanking Tammy for doing it.

I had a holiday between the christmas break and new year, so from December 28 until Jan 3, fuelled by the vodka we pledged to be mother and daughter for 5 days. Julie came over, stopping the night and called me Mrs Bates once more, seemingly unphased seeing two men dressed in satin as we ate breakfast. An interesting development was Pete meeting John. John had come over after lunch and had spent the afternoon chatting with Tamsin who was in skirt and heels, making no attempt to look like Sean as we had agreed. He had seen me before as Tamsin's mother but this time was less awkward. I was in a warm top, trousers and heels when he arrived, the conversation was stilted but he seemed a nice boy and I left them to it as I pampered myself in anticipation of a date with Pete. My man turned up about seven and I still was not ready, I had my red underwear on, and had picked out the red silk blouse and leather skirt but my face was still under construction. Tamsin played host very well, offering him a drink and chatting sociably with him. Eventually I came downstairs to find Pete and John discussing the latest signing the manager at City had made after the discovery that they were both season ticket holders and not far from each other in the same stand, before Pete finally escorted me to his car he and John had made arrangements to meet up at Eastlands in two days time when they played Spurs. By comparison the rest of the evening was uneventful, nice meal, nice chat, nice cuddle in his car, nice blow job for Pete. Nothing I would not consider extraordinary at that time.

Following the match Pete had arranged to come over as it was an afternoon kick off, but he turned up with John and they had clearly had a good day, we did not have to wait long to find out City had won and they were in celebratory mood. Tamsin was looking lovely in a lime green tunic and leggings, I was more mature in loose trousers and a long cardigan, but this did not stop Pete making it clear he still fancied me, and in front of the 'kids'. I made some food for all of us, Pete hardly able to keep his hands off me as he drank more beer. Tamsin and John descretely disappeared into another room leaving us to it, well Pete to it anyway. We all regrouped around the dining table eating and drinking. Topics covered football, work, college, weather and surprising both me and Tammy, could we live as men, give up our skirts. The men thought we could not and did not want us too, and after some debate, Tamsin agreed with them, even saying it would be impossible to be a fulltime, I was more resistant but agreed after Tammy told everyone that no one in the house wore anything but knickers in the daytime and nighties to bed, even on a normal male day. I was sunk acknowledging that I had no male underwear. So then we played 'what if' and soon found Tammy saying that if he could live as a girl he would. John saying if he could, he would marry him. Pete asked what if I could live fulltime, and I said foolishly said yes.

By midnight it was clear Pete could not drive so I invited him to stop, and when Tamsin quietly asked John if he would like to stay as well I did not object like a normal parent might have done. I can only think I had drunk more than I realised and when we made some sort of noises about who should sleep where I slyly slipped Pete into my bedroom, well it does have a double bed. AfterI changed for bed, I bumped into John on the landing when I went to the toilet, he was looking flustered and through Tammy's door I caught a glimpse of the long satin nightie. I too was in a satin nightie so leaned towards him, gave him a peck on the check 'I think you will regret it if you sleep on the couch' and he blushed. I did my business and returned to find Pete in bed and ready for me, and I was ready for him, no way was that night going to be all about his pleasure, I was going to be made to feel like a woman once more.

The next morning I gingerly crept downstairs not wishing to wake anyone, and was surprised to find Tammy in the kitchen, I was walking carefully as Pete had left me sore between the legs after I discovered what an orgasm was. Then I noticed my child moving with care and a big love bite on the neck. 'You enjoyed your night then' Tammy would not look me in the eye 'come here I understand, was it your first time?' I asked.
She came to me and I hugged her 'He is a nice boy, and I can hardly tell you not to have sex when you know I did'
'Oh mummy' that was a new one on me 'I think I am in love, and having him last night was so great. It can't be wrong to feel like this? can it?'
'No dear I don't think it is'
We stood and embraced for what seemed like ages.
'I want to start hormones'
'I thought you would, let's see what the doctors think'

Postscript
Five years later our lives could not be any more different.
Once eighteen Tamsin became fulltime and transitioned completely, John was a good friend but she now lives alone and has a settled job in a publishing house doing clerical work.
Her grandparents were on the whole accepting, a little reluctance from Kay's father who eventually accepted the situation even if he did not understand. A harder acceptance for them was when I moved in with Pete, my own mother said she had seen the softer feminine side in me from being a child. Kay's parents however rather distanced themselves from me, I still wonder if I had taken up with another woman whether they would have felt the same. Possibly not because when I moved into Pete's house it was on the condition that I move in as Stephanie. It took me a while to actually move in fulltime as I did not feel able to keep my job and knew I would alienate some friends and family. In the end Tamsin persauded me by example and we had a ceremonial trip to the recycling bins with all my male clothes, followed by a full make over at a salon including hair, make up, waxing and nails before turning up on Pete's doorstep unable to return to my previous life.
WE both still have uncertainities about who we are and why we have this need to be accepted as female, but on the whole we are happier as mother and daughter than we ever were as father and son.