Mixed Blessing-1 By Stanman63 Thanks To JennaFL For Proofing And Nora Adrienne for editing Synopsis:When a boy's desire to be a girl overcomes him, he must face the dilemma of fear versus desire. His Mother teaches him how to be a girl and his best friend treats as a woman. But an attack forces him to become a woman before he is ready and now must face the consequences of his decision.

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I am a woman, now. But my journey was fraught with many unnecessary dangers as I found myself unable to resist my need to be a girl. But now that I am a woman, I find that it's a mixed blessing as I have lost as much, or more than I gained.
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I was born Heath Aaron Norris. I had strawberry blond tresses that fell in waves that was kept in a page boy cut, like Mommy's. Mommy was Constance (Connie) Abigail Norris who looked like a blond Catherine Bach when she was Daisy Duke, but petite.

Growing up with only Mommy, I had no real male role model to look to. Just before I was born, my dad, Seth Orville Norris and my baby sister Jillian Annette Norris died when his Ford Ranchero was run off of the road into a snow bank by a drunken truck driver.

The impact killed both, but left the car basically intact. Mommy won a big settlement that let her continue her education as a teacher and repair Daddy's car. Now with Mommy's matching Gran Torino, she has matching cars to drive.

She has a camper for the Ford Ranchero so that we can go camping when she doesn't use it whenever we go shopping. She drives the Torino at other times and keeps both well maintained. She even converted them to a dual power system, turning them into electric powered cars thanks to the Warner High School Auto Shop.

Growing up, I wanted to be like Mommy. To me, she was what I wanted to be. I didn't know anything about gender. I thought that I was a smaller version of Mommy. What made it really confusing for me was that she'd dress me up in my sister's stuff and later on, I'd dress up as a girl with the neighbor's daughters.

I found that I liked wearing dresses and tights and even wore tights in the winter under my jeans to keep warm. In a way, I was lucky, the boy's summer uniform for Warner Grammar School, Warner Middle School and Warner High School was navy or red shorts and a navy or red shirt with white socks and sneakers. Me, I imagined that I was a girl since they had the same uniform plus skirts, skorts and dresses.
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It was during my senior year at Warner High school that things changed for me. I had been dressing as a girl for years at home thanks to Warren High School's Drama club. Mrs. Serena Davenport had chosen me to play a girl's part in a few plays, so had helped me by getting me breast forms and a gaffe. Once I had them on, only a gynecologist could tell that I was a boy, and I could do anything that a girl could do, too.

Mommy had gone to work that Saturday, leaving me home alone for the day. She did not know that on these occasions, that I become a girl. At first, it was simply to be like Mommy, but when I learned about the differences between boys and girls, I decided that I wanted to be a girl.

That was why I joined the Drama Club at school. Miss Serena told us that originally, there were only male actors, that certain men were chosen to portray women and that boys with a beautiful voice were gelded so that they'd keep their voice after puberty. THAT told me all that I needed to know in order to become a girl.

I had used the internet to learn about how to become a girl, so I got my own herbal pills and started taking them when I was ten. They didn't really do anything but keep me from getting facial hairs and keep a girly voice, but that was enough. Imagine my surprise when my hips started getting wider in my freshman year in Warner High School.

When I told Mommy, she simply thought that it was my growth spurt as there was no evidence of my taking any herbs. Now I started wearing girl's jeans and even panties, but the panty was really Speedo swim trunks.
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After Mommy left, I put on my breast forms and gaffe from school, then white pantyhose under cream panty and bra. Over that, I stepped into an ivory sundress with a mid thigh hem and slits to the waist on the sides. Then I put on a pair of silver ballet flats and went to the kitchen for lunch. I'd just sat down to my lunch of a B.L.T. with chips and a soda when Mommy came in wearing her nurses white uniform dress and hose.

"Well, I am glad to finally meet my daughter," she smiled at me.

"WHA?"

Mommy hugged me, "It's alright, Darling. I LOVE you and want to help you to be who you want and need to be," she promised.

Finally, I got my bearings back as my mind cleared, "How long have you known?" I cried.

"Ever since you brought home your ENHANCEMENTS from high school, last year."

"But they are fitted to only ME!"

"True, but getting your teacher to let you have then AND the glue and solvent told me that there was more to this than any play. Are you ready to tell me why you dress as a girl?"

I looked at her, and saw compassion. Now that she knew the secret, my emotions burst forth in a torrent of raw emotions that left me tired, but rested, as if a great weight was gone. As my tears flowed away, Mommy led me to the sofa in the den where I napped after my ordeal.

When I woke up, Mommy had made me my favorite breakfast for me and had put the plate on the dinner tray table that I used whenever we'd watch a movie while eating. Most of the time, we ate in the dining room alcove.

"My Child, do you feel better, now?" asked Mommy as she bathed my face with a washcloth.

"Yes, Mommy. I do," I sighed. "I've kept this secret for years! Now that you know, a great weight has been lifted," I admitted as I tucked into the hash browns with cheese, ham, onions and 'shrooms, covered with sausage gravy.

She smiled at me, "I could tell. Now that I know about this, I will do what I can to help."

"But why?"

"As a nurse, I've seen too many patients who like you, were men who wanted to be women. Some of them made very beautiful women who'd had surgery to become women, and some were waiting for their final surgery. Those were the ones who'd found peace," she sighed.

I placed my hand on hers, "What of the others?"

"The others had either despaired of finding peace, or were brutalized when they were discovered. Their groins were hopelessly mutilated, and many suffered from other injuries, as well," she cried.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I can't let you despair, or be hurt by someone finding out the truth. I can use my resources to make sure that you can pass as a girl, if that's what you want."

"I do!"

"Heath, how long have you wanted to be Heather?"

I smiled at her usage of my feminized name, "I've known that I was Heather ever since I was a baby."

"Oh?"

"Yes, when I was a baby, I thought that I was a smaller version of you, and once I knew that I was a boy, and you were a girl, I wanted to be a girl, Mommy."

"Is that why you joined the Drama Club at Warren?"

"Yes, because I'd read where in the past, only girly men played women and that boys with pretty voices were gelded so that they kept their voices."

"Do you know that gelded means that their testicles were removed?"

"Testicles?"

"Their nuts' or balls."

I reached down to where mine were, "OUCH!"

Mommy laughed, "OUCH indeed."

"I didn't realize that," I laughed back.

"Did you do any research on the internet?"

I blushed, "Yes, but I NEVER thought about losing what I have," I admitted.

"Well, for you to become a girl, you must take hormones and blockers so that you develop a girl's body. THEN you have surgery where your penis and testicles are turned into a vagina."

"But what if I don't want THAT surgery?"

"Well, there are a few who choose to not have the surgery, but their chances of being discovered are greater than those who have the operation."

"Can't they wear a gaffe?"

"They can, but any close inspection will reveal the truth."

"You mean INTIMACY."

"Yes, THAT'S where many of those who've been brutalized come from. They are usually victims of a rapist."

I felt myself grow cold as I thought about how easily it was that I could be such a victim. NO lady should be brutalized for the sickening, perverse pleasure of any man! Sex should be a joining of two bodies and souls as the partners explore each other’s bodies.

Mommy held me as I shivered in pure fright over what could happen to me if I continued to dress as a girl, THEN a calm came over me as I felt PEACE. I had to be a girl as much as possible, and consequences be damned! I WOULD become a woman in spite of the opposition.

As I came to that epiphany, Mommy knew that my fear was gone and that I was ready to face the consequences. She'd felt my body stop being wracked with shuddering sobs as I gained the inner strength that I'd need to deal with my ordeal.

"What happened?"

"Mommy, I know that I could become one of those brutalized women that you've seen in the hospital, but I must become the woman that I am inside. I can't let fear stop me, now can I?"

She looked at my steely resolve and sighed, "No, you can't. I was hoping to scare you back into being a boy. But now that I see that you are resolved to become a woman, you have my support," she declared with a hug.

"Thanks, Mommy."

She looked at my plate and began giggling as she pointed towards my now empty plate.

"WHAT?"

"You may want to be my daughter, but you STILL have a boy's appetite!"

"GEE! Thanks a lot! Mom! I so needed to hear that!" I huffed in humor.

That's OK, my daughter. When do you come out?"

"Mainly when you're gone to work for the weekend. Then I get dressed and sit here. I never go anywhere!"

"OK, I don't recognize what you're wearing.'

"I got everything from the DOWNTOWN THRIFT STORE from my earnings cutting grass."

She looked me over with a critical eye, "Very good choices. Do you have a wardrobe?"

I got up and opened the chest under my window and the one at the foot of my bed to reveal my stash of girl's clothing. She gave everything a critical eye, then smiled at me, "How appropriate, using your HOPE CHESTS .
I blushed, "It just seemed right."

"True, but my daughter will need her own room," she declared.

"HUH?"

"The spare room will become YOUR bedroom while my son will keep his stuff in the attic where he's been wanting to move to for a while."

I saw her strategy, we had an attic that we'd put up as my clubhouse, but even though it had been remodeled, she refused to let me stay up here. NOW was the perfect opportunity since the attic had been made over into an efficiency apartment, just like the basement.

Mommy loved the idea of helping to temporarily housing any visiting missionaries from KENT COMMUNITY CHURCH, and so did I. Now though, with me in the attic where both of my wardrobes could be safely stored, the two apartments in the basement would do nicely.
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"Well, we'll need to transfer your clothes up to the attic and your computer. Do you want the hope chests?"

"Since it'd be a big hassle to move them, why not transfer my stuff via laundry baskets? Then I can switch the keys to the chests with you and get my key to the attic, as well."

We spent the rest of the morning transferring everything to the attic after I'd put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Mommy was giving my wardrobe a critical eye as she saw my meager stash of girl's clothing and how worn some were getting.

"Heather, you have done very well in acquiring a wardrobe with your limited funds, but MOST of this is ready for the trash heap, unless you want to make repairs," she sighed.

"Well, to tell the truth, MOST of what you see is from when I first started being Heather," I admitted.

"Oh? Then where is the rest?"

"Ever since I got the breast forms and gaffe, I've spent any money for clothing on the glue and solvent as well as lingerie."

Mommy hugged me, "I NEVER thought about how much that you've sacrificed to be a girl, Heather. We can order you a bodysuit that will transform you into a woman, but once you've worn it, Heath is no more," she declared with tears in her eyes.

I saw in that moment that Mommy was afraid of what could happen to me even more than I had been. As a nurse, she knew the physical trauma inflicted upon the poor souls that had despaired of becoming women and had mutilated their bodies as well as those in transition who were caught and brutally attacked. But I somehow knew that there was something that she was not telling me.

"Momma, what are you not telling me?"

"No matter what, you can never pass as a girl with a gynecologist, nor pass a D.N.A. test."

"Not even with the suit?"

"With the suit, you can after it has changed your chromosomes and made the physical changes,, but not until then."

"What do you want to do then?"

"Get yourself totally cleaned up, then come to my room in bra, panty and hose."

I went to my bathroom and showered, taking care to get my enhancements clean, even douching the gaffe to ensure that I was clean there. Even though I'd never had sex as a girl, I had urinated as a girl, and knew that I could come down with a yeast infection as any girl could.

But with my enhancements applied, was there a danger that I could still be outed? Were there some homophobes who had a way of checking to see if a girl was really a girl? If so, then my actually going out as a girl would truly be sending me out into the lion's den to become a victim of a hate crime.

But as much as I was scared to be hurt, there was the primal center of my being that would defy them and defeat them, no matter the cost. It was this inner calling that was driving me to be a woman against all odds.

My only drawback was if Mommy was to be hurt by them. She was innocent of my needs and drives, and had warned me of the trouble that I was heading into, only to help me when I proved to be willing to go through with my plans. If that was to happen, NOTHING IN HEAVEN NOR HELL WOULD STAY MY VENGEANCE.
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By the time I stepped out of the shower my skin was smooth and hair free, with no trace of a beard. Due to my wearing the enhancements, I didn't need to shave and any body hair was fine and smooth.

"You ready?" she called out.

"Yes, Mommy, What are we about to do?"

"We're going to go and get you a nice wardrobe."

"Why? I already have a substantial wardrobe."

"Because I have yet to really enjoy shopping with my daughter.'

"Are you sure about this, Mommy?"

Very sure. After we're done shopping, I'll tell you why."

"Okay."
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We went to Victoria's Secret where we got me lingerie, hosiery and special ointments for my enhancements that would make it so that I could wear everything for up to a year before having to remove everything for a weekend to let my body recover.

In the mall, we found a selection of clothing that could be mixed and matched to give me plenty of options in my wardrobe as long as I kept them stain free since most were cotton. It was while we were eating lunch that we met my best friend Hank. I was scared at first because only Mommy had seen me out in public as a girl until now and he knew me very well.

"Mommy, that's Hank Hemshaw! What do I do?"

She patted my hand, "Relax! Does he know about your dressing as a girl?"

"Well, yeah! In fact, he kinda likes it."

"Then, what's the problem?"

She calmed my fears so that I could act like the girl that I was around Hank, and he treated me like I was a girl.

"Hello there, you two."

"Why, Hello, Hank. How are you?"

He chuckled, "Much better now that Heather has chosen to go out as a girl."

"WHAT?"

He at by me and smiled, "Heather, I've seen you in plays as a girl and at Halloween. I've seen you in your back yard as a girl, and that's when I took a fancy to you."

I looked into his smiling blue eyes and saw that my best friend wanted to be my boyfriend. I had to be sure that he knew what he was getting into.

"Hank, there are those who'd hurt me if they knew the truth about me. Are you willing to protect me, even if it means sharing my hurt?"

"I've talked it over with Dad and he agrees that you are a sweet girl and is willing to help you, too."

"He is? But he's a Vice Cop!"

"Yes, Mrs. Morris. And he has seen what has happened to girls like Sasha. He wants it to stop, just as many others on the force."

She smiled, "Well, then Sasha has two friends that I know of. Can your dad help with her I.D.?"

He produced four cards, "Already done. Here is her State Driver's License, State Student I.D., School I.D.., and County Library Cards."

I took them with trembling hands, "Why?"

He placed his strong hands on mine, Because I love you, Sasha! Be you boy or girl."

I knew then that I'd met my soul mate. I felt totally safe with him; little knowing how much our love would be tested.

"Hank, these gifts are a godsend. Has your dad compromised his position by doing this for me?"

"No, Dad is a part of an alliance of individuals who are working to help those who need help to survive against the bigots of society, Sasha"

"Then how come I'm not a member?"

"Because of your child. Heather's upcoming battle precludes you from actively joining. But you are being guarded and whenever you come across certain patients, their needs are met as well as their families."

"Is that why those poor souls seem so happy? I thought that they were simply being brave."

He smiled, "Now that you know different, do you trust me to keep Sasha safe?"

"I do."

"WAIT A MINUTE! I AM HERE! IF YOU ARE ASKING ABOUT ME, THEN ASK ME !"

"Heather, will you go to the movies with me this Friday night?"

"Yes."
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To Be Continued In Mixed Blessing-2