|
Chapter 19- Healing By Stanman63 Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and JennaFL for Proofing and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration! Synopsis:Kelly's recovery continues as she meets with psychiatrists and surgeons about her surgery to become a woman. In the process, she discovers a vital Truth about her Love for Johnny and why she despaired. |
 |
As for me and my underoos, the staff started calling by the costume I wore, if spider-girl, I was Spider-Kelly. The most fun ones were those with a skirt, then I could do a proper cheer, can't really cheer without a skirt in my book.
While there, I met the psychologist Nora Adrienne Doret. She is as big as Johnny, yet as feminine as Aunt Debbie. When we met, I knew that I could trust her. She was wearing a red skirt suit with white blouse and hose. her low heels were red as well as her bloomer which I could see when she sat down. I was wearing my Spider-Kelly costume.
"Welcome to my office Kelly, I am Nora," she said as she proffered her hand. ['Even knowing her records, I see nothing of a man in her.']
I shook her hand and smiled, "Thanks Nora, but why not 'Spider-Kelly like the staff?" ['Maybe I'm wrong to ask a shrink.']
Then she sat down on her desk and I saw her bloomers, "Because I don't want to put any labels on you, although, from your records, you could be 'Spider-Kelly," she grinned. ['She is a real charmer and heart breaker.']
I blushed when I saw her bloomers, "Uh ma'am, uh, you need to uh, close your legs please." ['She acts like a guy dressing like a woman.']
She smiled as if she had caught me in the act, "And why is that Kelly, pray tell." ['Why is the patient blushing?']
I pointed towards her crotch, "I can see your bloomers ma'am. You need either a longer skirt or wear pants unless you like showing off." ['DAMN!! I sound just like momma when she would get onto me about showing mine.']
She actually blushed as she got up and sat primly in a lounge chair and motioned for me to sit in the one by it, "Touche, Kelly, at times I forget that I am wearing a skirt or a dress," she grinned. ['Should have remembered that.']
I shook my head in amazement, "Why would you forget? are you not a woman like me?" ['I hope that she won't call me on my lie.']
She sat back and steepled her fingers over her breasts, "Exactly, like you, I was born a male, but I am now a woman." ['Let's see how she reacts to that bit of information.']
I sat forward in amazement, "AMAZING. I would never have guessed. You look so natural," I whispered. ['I wonder, could that be me in time? Do I have that natural ability that she has?']
She poured me an excellent cup of herbal tea and passed the cup and saucer to me, then poured herself one, "Yes, I am a post-op transsexual woman," she sighed. ['Even today, I find it a burden to tell my patients, but somehow, Kelly makes it easier on me.']
I sipped my tea, then finding it delicious, drained it, much to her delight, "Please tell me about it ma'am. I need to know," I pleaded. ['Did she despair like I did of life? Are there others that haven't despaired?']
She poured me another cup and passed it to me with scrumptious peanut butter oatmeal raisin cookies from one of Granny's tins, "I grew up as a petite boy that found wearing my older sister's castoffs fun. At first, it was her shirts, shorts & pants, but all too soon I went for her intimates." ['Later I'll show Kelly pictures of me growing up as a girl.']
I munched on a cookie and visibly put them down much to her delight when I pointed to my waist, "Much the same with me, but you're a big girl, did you go through a girl's or a boy's puberty?" ['I can't see a hint of boy in her at all.']
"Luckily for me, I was able to go through a girl's thanks to an accident," she grinned. ['One that I am glad that happened too.']
I visibly winced at the thought, even though I knew that surgery would remove m boy bits, the idea of being aware was gross, "What happened?" ['Come on girl, you can take it.']
"I was hit by an arrow when I was at a "Robin Hood" Extravaganza set up by the Town And Gown Theater to showcase their production of The Adventures Of Robin Hood, I was a stage hand dressed in green tights and tunic, really my Peter Pan costume from the last production," she sighed. ['Ruined my tights too, at least I could wear them as Green Arrow.']
I pointedly took ONE cookie and munched it as I drank my tea which she graciously refilled, "Was it backstage? If not, would have made quite a show," I smirked. ['DAMN, Why am I poking fun at her?']
She smiled at my sense of humor, ['I can see that this scamp has a well developed sense of the ridiculous.'] "No, it was on stage, unfortunately, somebody backstage got carried away with a bow and arrow and shot it off and hit me. I at least had a one of a kind death scene," she giggled'
"What about the stagehand? What happened to to them?"
"The stagehand was fired from the theater, but he soon became my best friend. We married after we graduated and I am happy to be Montgomery Scott Doret's wife," she smiled. ['I doubt that anybody has MY story.']
Nora and I became fast friends and she helped me to see myself as more than Kelly. I came to realize why I was so infatuated with Johnny that I had sex with him at the drop of a hat and why that also led me to despair of life when he rejected me.
Johnny had become my surrogate daddy. Like most any daughter, I wanted to marry my dad or father figure, the fact that Johnny was my age made it better and him being my best friend sweetened the deal. In my mind, I was actually making love to my daddy. And when Johnny rejected me AFTER I had given myself to him as a woman, it was as if my daddy had done it.
When I learned that, I was appalled! I couldn't believe that I suffered from the Oedipus Complex like that.I know that I love my daddy, but the very idea of having wanton sex with him made me sick at my stomach, so sick that I went into a hysterical coma until I could come to grips with it and face that part of me.
I saw my daddy sitting on a cuddly bear very much like Ben from grizzly Adams, he was dressed like Mad Jack with old Number Seven nearby, "Hello Kelly, Are you OK?"
I stood there, amazed at this display of T.V. characters. Grizzly Adams was one of my favorite shows along with all of those Westerns that I'd watched on weekday afternoons after school and homework thanks o my extensive video library that easily fills several trunks.
"Daddy, why are you Mad Jack with Ben and Number Seven by you? Have you been watching Grizzly Adams?"
"Well my daughter, they represent your strength and steadfastness. Ben your strength and Number Seven your steadfastness."
"Oh, I thought Ben represented my cute, cuddly side and Number Seven my mean streak," I smirked.
"That too Kelly, that too, now want to sit in my lap as you like to do? That is one thing that I cherish about your visits."
"I am afraid to daddy, afraid that it is not right because I am now a grown up and no longer a child," I wept.
He lifted me up into his lap, I wanted to protest, but I felt a strong assurance, "Because of that report from Nora."
"Yes, [sniff, sniff] I don't want to commit incest daddy, [sniff,sniff] but I did with Johnny as I thought of you."
Then I heard Ben, "Ah, but you didn't, no matter what she says."
"Then why does the report say so?"
Then Number Seven spoke, "In Johnny, you see the qualities that you see in your father. You don't want him, rather you want one with qualities that you see in your father."
"And that is why I despaired of life when Johnny rejected me?"
Daddy said, "Yes, and why you sought me out rather than the LORD. You needed me and you knew that Jesus would be here for you."
"OK then, which one is Jesus and which one is the Holy Spirit. because I don't feel as if I am divided," I smirked.
"Neither are Me nor the Spirit. Micheal is Ben, and Gabriel is Number Seven," grinned Jesus as He appeared before me.
"JESUS! MY LORD!" I exclaimed as Micheal, Gabriel and daddy assumed their regular forms.
"Yes my child, you needed confirmation of your True Self from an attack upon your Spirit."
"Jesus, I know that I was wrong to have sex with Johnny before marriage, but am I wrong to want to be a girl when I was born a boy."
Then Jesus swept me into his arms, Why do you ask my child? Have I ever said anything to make you doubt my Love for you?"
I sighed, No Lord Jesus. But there are those below like Linden who SAY that they know You, yet spew hate."
Kelly, not all who say that they know Me know Me. It is sad that are not seen as the hypocrites that they are."
"But what about me Lord?"
"What about you Kelly?"
Am I an abomination as Linden says I am?"
Then I heard my Lord weeping, "Kelly, you are no abomination. It is against such mutilating of My Word that I grieve."
Here I am in Heaven, causing My Savior to cry! WHAT A DOWNER! Now I truly wished that I'd NEVER been born.
"Jesus, could You redo time so that I was never born? I NEVER wanted to make You cry!!"
Then his tears of grief became of JOY, "Oh Kelly, even as broken as you are now, your innocence stays as pure as the driven snow. Against such no evil can stand. If all of my children could but sample a moment of your innocence, they would all strive to stay innocent."
"Well, I don't feel innocent. I feel all empty inside," I sighed.
"My child, like the song "The Rose", you are going through a most bleak winter. You have been hurt and afraid to love. You have been wondering if you will ever love again."
I began to cry as my heart wept bitter tears of regret, regret that I was still barren of love, "Yes My Lord. How many tears must I shed until I cry with Joy?"
"Soon my child, your heart will soon be ready to love again."
When I awoke, I looked up and saw Sarah Lynn Morgan walking towards me with a jewelry box in her hand. I was once again in my bed with monitors about me to track my vitals. In the room, asleep was Nora. I knew that she had stayed there because of me.
She smiled when she saw that I was awake, "Welcome back to the Land of the Living. You had us worried there for a bit." ['She is a trooper! But will the next setback be too much for her? Can I make up for my earlier actions?']
"Thanks Sarah, What Nora said threw me for a loop. In fact, I half expected for you to be her." ['But why is she here?']
Then she handed me the box, "Please accept this as my way of apologizing for my attitude when you were being admitted. I was truly afraid for myself, not the hospital. I should have NEVER been afraid, but fear and doubt blinded me," she sighed. ['Kelly is much stronger than I am.']
I opened the box and saw a RED four leaf clover pendant with a fine gold chain and matching brooch, lapel pin, and earrings," Sarah, you didn't have to do this. You were simply protecting the hospital from Linden's evil. That' why I agreed to the press conference." ['Although, she was fidgeting a bit there. I took it to be her natural way to work, not being scared. Guess my ability to read others is zilch right now.']
"I was born Shaun Lynn Morgan, after my father who died before I was born. My mother was a dress shop owner. I grew up finding that I liked wearing dresses and hose. Thanks to taking my mom's pills, I went through a girl's puberty and transitioned when the doctors saw that my boy bits were cancerous," she sighed as she sat. ['Of everybody here, only she can understand.']
"I bet that when your mom found out that you were a daughter instead of a son, she had a fit," I giggled. ['I know that MY mom would have under the same circumstances.']
"Well, actually, she loved having a daughter. You see, I made a right cute girl and could wear a bikini or swimsuit with no bulge even before the operation by wearing a gaffe," she smiled. ['Too bad mine didn't look as good as hers do.']
"OK, but what does THIS have to do with me?" ['Is she related to Linden?']
"Well, Linden was my pastor at the time. He badgered me about letting medicine and cancer rob me of my manhood. He was appalled to find that the girl that he has tried to seduce was me. That pervert really wanted to deflower me until he found out that I HAD no flower, uh so to speak," she giggled. ['The look on his face PRICELESS!']
"And if he associated your name with your past, he could cause you some harm, Right?" ['Will his evil now end?']
"Right! But when you decided to fight, I couldn't and wouldn't let him win. YOU had stood up to him and won, NO it was my turn."
I clasped her hand, "Together, let's resolve to put fear behind us and live in the Light."
"Yes, let's do that." she agreed.
She then helped me to don the jewelry and smiled when I was adorned with her gift. I looked like a Regal Queen with my jewelry and was very appropriate for me too. I am Irish on my Momma's side. That's where my green eyes and red hair come from. Heck, about the only thing physical about me from my dad is dark complexion from his Native American heritage and my almond shaped eyes.
Looking closer, I saw that in each clover leaf was etched a rose, "Terri, did you know about how much the Rose means to me?" I asked as tears flowed down my face.
"Yes, I heard from your Aunt Debbie when she filled out a few forms after the press conference how you were a Rose, and how this was your bitter winter. The clover leaf is your heritage, its redness is the life you live while the rose in each leaf is yo," she announced as she wiped away my tears. ['Now I see the rose in her, may it soon bloom into a spring of hope.']
Then I knew that my being here had helped to heal Terri of a pain long past. I could easily be her in the future. I was being shown the pitfalls that I could fall inn so that I could avoid them and help others to overcome. Even though I was not yet completely healed, I felt better, as if the first rays of Spring were thawing out the bitter cold ground of my Winter to release my Rose.
To Be Continued...
