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Chapter 15-Through The Gate By Stanman63 Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and JennaFL for Proofing and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration! Synopsis:After rescuing Julie and dealing with the trauma of the ordeal, Kelly make a momentous decision that will change the lives of everybody as she embarks upon the path of completion. |
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We were on our way back to the farm after our gym workout at the spa. I felt tired, yet full of energy as if I had to make a decision and a great weight had been lifted. I now knew that I had a decision to make about myself and only Aunt Debbie could help me. She had gone through a transition that I wanted, so she was my guide on my journey now. Aunt Debbie pulled into a gas station to refuel, and I went to the restroom to tinkle. I saw my girl's groin and how realistic it looked. I touched my new girlhood and it felt great! I actually came to an orgasm as I touched myself down there. I quickly cleaned up and the smell of my discharge was musky and fresh. I redressed and got myself a root beer [my favorite, especially with butter pecan ice cream] and a cream soda for Aunt Debbie.
I approached the counter to pay and saw a perfect Santa at the register, except that he wore a red plaid shirt under his overalls, "Well, who is this delicate flower who graces my establishment today?" he asked merrily with a twinkle in his eyes.
I blushed at the attention, "But Santa, [giggle] surely you know that it's me, [giggle] Kelly," I giggled. ['He must be called Santa a lot, especially near Christmas.']
Then he leaned his head back and laughed, "HO! HO! HO! I am not that merry old Elf. I am Christopher Snow, I own this store." ['I can see that she has a love of life like I do.']
"Well, at least you have a good Christmas name," I smirked. [' Wonder if he has a red truck or sleigh.']
"Yes I do Kelly, that'll be $2.50 for the drinks. Are you paying for the gas, too?" ['Her friend is a beauty too.']
I pointed to Aunt Debbie who was filling the car, "No Sir, my Aunt Debbie is." [Looks as if he liked her from the look on his face.']
"Why not you? Can't you drive?"
"Oh, I can, I have a black Thunderbird, but its home."
He smiled at me, "Guess this is a Girl's Day for you two then."
"Actually, we're returning from helping my best friend with a problem."
Then he noticed a pin on my shoulder, "Is that pin from the Rest Area Chapel?"
"Yes, I got it from Father Downing and Sister Mary last Christmas, why?"
"Well, I am a member of their church."
"That's nice. They've said that they mainly minister to truckers and transients."
"Yep, I used to drive a truck until my son, Paul Junior took over. Now I run Poppa's store since he died."
Aunt Debbie came in and approached the counter, "Sir, do you accept VISA?" she asked as she held out her card. ['I can see by the look on her face that Kelly did it in the restroom. It’s time to talk to her about it.']
He accepted it and ran it through the slot, "Yes ma'am. That's $12.95, need anything else?" ['This beauty looks like my daughter except that she is a bit taller.']
"No sir, that's all." Then she turned around to leave. ['Why is he staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?']
I picked up my purchase and followed Aunt Debbie, "See ya' Santa!" I called back as the door closed behind me. ['I can't help but to get in a parting shot at him. He and Grandpa both could be Santa.']
Before she got in the car, Aunt Debbie looked at me with a smirk, "Well, did you enjoy yourself in the restroom?" ['Poor girl, I know that I've caught her off guard just like Momma did it to me years ago.']
I stood there, totally aghast at what she had just asked, "WHAT? How did you know?" [‘Is she psychic too?']
She opened the door and smiled, "It is no secret that a girl likes to check herself out and even masturbate, and it’s OK to admit it. In fact, all young women have done it at times." ['She needs to know that it's natural to explore.']
I got in after she had unlocked my door, "Yes I did. I couldn't believe that I could pleasure myself that way, but instead of semen coming out; it was clear and had a musky sweet odor to it. Why?" ['Now that I think about it, kinda like Johnny in a way.']
She started the car, "When we get home, I'll let you read the literature about it." ['She'll me amazed at what she reads and those stories will help too.']
I put in a C.D. by ' Alabama ' and selected 'My Home Is in Alabama ', "OK." ['Somehow, this song feels right.']
She smiled and sang along with me, "Good choice Kelly, but why that song?" ['Does she feel homesick?']
I patted her on the arm, "Because I am going to my new home to learn all about myself and grow."
"And that you shall do, I promise you that."
During this time, Momma and the Woods were talking about the ordeal and how to help Julie. She was at a counseling session discussing her encounter and her feelings. Johnny was there with her since he has that link to her.
Mister Woods sipped his wine cooler and sat it down, "Well, the twins are in counseling about what just happened. But what should we do to help them? Will they be able to go back to school or do we get them a private tutor now? They never wanted that growing up, but that might change." ['LORD, how do I protect my children from harm? Will they go on or will they be scared to live?']
"Well, there is one good thing. Kelly is the same after the ordeal. And she suffered a nervous breakdown too," sighed Mrs. Woods. ['I will never forget her scream or the absolute dismay in her eyes.']
"Yes, my daughter sacrificed herself to help Julie, and made them pay for their crimes. But Julie and Johnny both are suffering now and I am at a loss on what to do." ['Being Stu's wife hasn't prepared me for this.']
"Constable Sebastian has promised to oversee the installation of security cameras throughout the schools that we are paying for," said Mister Woods as he passed around a folder. ['A bit late, but I will feel better now.']
Glancing at the folder, Mrs. Woods nodded approval, "Have the students privacy been seen about? The A.C.L.U. will have our heads if there are any cameras in the showers or dressing rooms. Those people get their claws into anything that they can and make life miserable for everybody." ['I hope that Chuck's friend Sebastian has taken them into account for our sake.']
"Don't worry Lynn . Sebastian has handled them before when pastor Linden had Debbie attacked. They wailed about his rights being violated by not allowed bail, but Sebastian's friend Judge Henry Block shut them up," Momma sighed as she remembered the Hell that she went through for Aunt Debbie. ['Running the gauntlet of the press and facing down those liberal phonies has helped me to help Kelly.']
Johnny and Julie came in and ran over and hugged their parents, then she sat in her daddy's lap like she was a baby and snuggled up to him, "We're home, Daddy! Do we have to go back?" ['I know that he wants us to go, but it’s so yucky.']
Mrs. Woods passed a bottle of soda to both twins, "And just why do you want to stop going Julie, you've only been once." ['Have we been wrong to force them to go?']
"Because Julie and I don't need some group to talk to, we have each other, but Julie did find a boy she likes," informed Johnny as he opened both sodas. ['Julie, I hope that this guy is worth it.']
Mister Woods frowned, "I do not like hearing this. Why should you stop the counseling?'
Julie looked at him with her pleading eyes that he could never deny, "Daddy, Momma, I had a dream, just like Kelly does. And I no longer hurt because of the ordeal." ['Even now, I feel warm inside remembering the dream.']
Mrs. Woods gathered Johnny into her arms, "And what about you?" ['He looks like he is worrying about something. What is it?']
Johnny blushed, "When Julie was healed, so was I. I had a ring side seat to her dream."
Mister Woods cleared his throat, "Then why have you also been seeing Pastor Patrick and Joan?" ['Has Johnny lost his Faith?']
"Daddy, I needed to find a balance in my mind between what I felt from Julie during the ordeal and the fact that I'm a guy," he sighed. ['Can I ever truly love Kelly, now?']
Julie hugged him, "I hate that you were involved the way that you were. It must have been hell for you, Bro," she wept silently.
He wiped her tears away with tee back of his hand, "I'm not."
"Why? You were hurt because of me!"
"Because if not for the link, you would have suffered a lot more. We were able to rescue you less than an hour after the link kicked in." ['Lord, I know that you allowed it, but I do wish that there was another way.']
"OK. Bro. But don't you dare think that you know more about us girls, now. You don't!" she grinned.
"I won't, I promise, after all, there's also Kelly, and she is in a class all by herself."
"Why thank you Johnny. Stu and I did our best," sighed Momma. ['Even now, I feel guilty for not being there for her.']
Johnny blushed, "You are most welcome, Momma Moore."
"Who is this young man Julie?" asked Momma. ['Who could capture her heart after she lost Kelly?']
"Mark White."
Mister Woods stood up quickly, dumping Julie who lands on her feet, "OH NO! NOT ONE OF HIS LOONIES!"
Mrs. Woods placated him, "Chuck, do you trust Julie?"
"You know that I do, Anne. Why?"
"She made a choice that we don't like, will you listen to her before you pass judgment?"
He looked down at the tear stained face of his distraught daughter, and knew that he had broken her heart, "Julie, please forgive me. I love you, and I was speaking out of fear for you." he implored as he knelt before her, crying.
She hugged him and laid her head on his shoulder, "Oh, [sniff, sniff] Daddy! [Sob] I know that you love me, [sniff, sniff] but when you just now hollered, [sigh] I was afraid again, [sob] like I was during the ordeal," she wept.
Johnny stood by her, "Dad, I discovered recently that Julie and I are telepathically linked to each other. I can tell that this Mark was a true gentleman with my sister. If she had a choice on who was her first, it'd be Mark."
"Anne, Love. Please go and prepare us some dinner. I believe that our children are hungry."
She got up, "Should I prepare for Mark, too?"
"Yes, I believe that we just might want to meet Jools friend, he sighed. [For years, I have wondered if Julie would find a boy friend. Looks as if she has.']
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Princess?"
"May I invite ark over for Dinner?"
"Be my guest."
Mark came over for dinner and was a true gentleman, allying the fear that he was like linden. As they got to know Mark, they found a young man whose moral fiber was stronger than the teachings that he learned. Marcus Leonard White was orphaned while a preschooler. His parents chose Avery Linden as the godfather, not knowing about him being a defrocked preacher.
Using his access to ark's accounts, he was able to build his church and private school.
By the time that Mark graduated from high school, his accounts were empty. That is why all of the properties owned by that church are now Mark's and he turned out to have profited, too. Mark has a nice fully furnished house not far from the estate that he donated to the Tri-City United Methodist Church as a home for college students. Now he lives in a studio apartment over an old warehouse.
We drove in silence for awhile, listening to the music. The 'Alabama C.D. had finished and now we were listening to a C.D. of 'Time Life' love songs. I was thinking about how my life had changed ever since that Halloween party when I became Tinkerbell. Would I have found Kelly girl if I had been Peter, Pan instead of Johnny? Both characters wore tights as a part of the costume, but only Tink wore a panty.
As we were approaching the off ramp to the farm, I got the courage to talk to Aunt Debbie, "Aunt Debbie, can we talk?" ['I wonder if she has been waiting for this.']
She glanced towards me with confusion, then she nodded as if she knew what I wanted, "Yes Kelly. I guess that we do need to talk since; I know what you need to know about becoming a woman. Am I right?" [' I can see her confusion from here. I am glad that I can help her because I know what it's like not having the support of a mentor.']
I sheepishly blushed as I realized that she saw through me, "Yes Ma'am, you're right. I was wondering when you knew that you wanted to be a girl or at least dress as a girl. I wonder if there is a difference." ['Lord! I pray that Aunt Debbie will answer my questions, and if not her, then Granny.']
It took her a few minutes for her to reply as she gathered her thoughts together, "For me, there was no difference since I was attacked and had my bits crushed. After that, I transitioned from Brian into Debbie," she sighed. Even today, I have nightmares of the attack. I don't want for you to suffer as I do." ['Lord, will she suffer such a loss as I have?']
The C.D. ended and I shut off the player, "But what about when you first wanted to be a girl? Was it like me and Tinkerbell?" [' I wonder if like me, she has pictures of herself as a girl from when she was as young, as I was when I was Tinkerbell.']
She looked over at me and smiled, "I was about the same age as you were when you were Tinkerbell, but in my case, your mother Terri was taking ballet and I was helping her. She got me to wear a spare leotard and tights that she had. After I saw myself as a girl and the feel of the hose, I was hooked." [' Funny how we both have similar tales of girlhood.']
"And Grandpa was not liking it at first right? I remember what he said about not being there for you." [' Grandpa has sure changed since then if so. All that I know is that I love him, and he loves me.']
"Yes, he hated me at first for wanting to dress as a girl, but thanks to my brother Stu's acceptance of me as a girl, Grandpa saw that he was losing me and that made him question himself. When he saw me in one of Terri's dresses and hose, he finally saw his daughter, Debbie, and accepted me," she sighed as she remembered that day. ['LORD! If not for my big brother Stu, Grandpa would not have accepted me, Thanks for Stu.']
I turned to her and struggled to find my voice. Finally, after several minutes I found my voice, "You mean to tell me that you and Daddy are related?" [' What else about my family am I to learn about I wonder.']
"Yes, Stu and I were brothers and when our parents died, since Momma and Poppa were our Godparents, they adopted us.’I do miss them, but I was your age when they died from a faulty heater. It's hard to even think that I am really adopted. To me, I am their daughter, by birth, and I am sure that my brother Stu would say that he felt the same as I do." ['Glad that Kelly still has Terri.']
"What? Daddy would say that he feels like he was their daughter by birth? I don't think so Aunt Debbie," I grinned [' Thank you LORD! You have returned my quirky sense of humor to me. Poor Aunt Debbie has not been my victim till now.']
"YOU SCAMP!! You know good and well what I mean," she giggled as she wiped her eyes. [' Now I know what Terri meant.']
"Ah! But that is NOT what you said about my dear daddy Aunt Debbie," I smirked as she did a fish-face at my response. [' It's almost as much fun baiting her as it is Momma. It feels good to laugh again.']
She shook her head and smiled, "Touché' Kelly. [Giggle] Your daddy Stu felt that he was really their son by birth, not adopted. SATISFIED EINSTEIN?" She giggled. [If this is how she's gonna be around Momma and Poppa, they'll be laughing their heads off at her antics.']
I handed her a diet soda which I had opened for her that she took a swig of, and then recapped the bottle, "Yes Aunt Debbie. But tell me please; uh, did you have any boyfriends at all while you were growing up? Or did Grandpa say no to boyfriends?" ['Maybe if Momma had said no to me, I'd still be with her.']
"No, not really. I didn't have a Ronzi's like you did and no boys wanted me to help them with their dates. You see, I wasn't as outgoing as you are Kelly. I was a wallflower, afraid to open up to others. But now, after I met a few boys after graduating, I blossomed into a girl very much like you, minus the prancing, though," she smirked."
"Too bad Auntie, you missed out on a lot of fun times. I know that I had fun when I did," I sighed remembering the past. ['Maybe I can teach her to be more outgoing and lad back. She is beautiful and deserves to be happy.']
By that time, we were back at the farm and as we got out, a big shaggy sheepdog bounded up and knocked me over in his greeting, "OK, Shaggy. I love you too, but you're too big to jump on me, ya' big lummox," I laughed as he showered me with sloppy kisses. ['Lovable mongrel! Wonder where Grandpa got him from?']
"HEEL SHAGGY!!" called out Grandpa as he came up on his faithful old tractor. It was as ancient as he was, but like Grandpa, there was no rust, but there were a few scratches and dents from its years of service. It was on it that I had learned how to drive, just like Momma had.
Aunt Debbie stood over me with a big grin on her face, "Well, Daddy, I see that you're letting the chow hound greet your guests again," Aunt Debbie chortled. ['I'm glad the he went after Kelly instead of me today, but knowing him, I'm gonna be next.']
Then Shaggy bounded after Aunt Debbie who ran away from him and he gave chase as she merrily led him around the yard, giggling all the time as he 'woofed' behind her. This was their game they played whenever he saw her unless she sat down, and then he'd get in her lap for a tummy rub.
Then I heard the front porch screen door close behind Granny, "OK, Debbie. Are you through playing with your bed buddy?" asked a smirking Granny as she stood on the front porch. ['Those two would run and play all day if they could. If not for Shaggy, she wouldn't have met her boyfriend.']
Then Shaggy succeeded in catching her and she went down with a squeal of delight as Shaggy landed his sloppy kisses on her, "Yeah, Momma, Since Shag's here has finally caught me," she laughed with glee. ['No matter how bad I feel Shaggy's sloppy kisses wash away my gloom. Thank you Jesus for my friend.']
Grandpa hugged me after he helped me up, "Well, Kelly. Looks as if Shags has given you his sloppy welcome," he grinned. ['That mutt can sense when a person is bad or not. He's given Debbie many an early warning.']
"Yeah Grandpa, I never got my face so thoroughly washed by a dog before. I'm sure that the Woods would love him to bits."
"Then why pray tell DON'T they have any critters?"
"The only reason there are no cats or dogs is that Julie and Johnny are allergic to their fur, Grandpa."
Then he handed me an ever present hanky that he kept in his overalls and I wiped my face clean of dog slobber, "Well, come on in girl, dinner is ready and a waiting. I am sure that you have quite a story to tell us," he said with warmth. ['I am ready to hear Kelly's story unlike I was when Brian told me about being Debbie.']
He shook his head and grinned as I handed him back his now damp hanky which he then tossed to Granny who caught it and put it in her apron, "Have you talked to Momma or the Woods?" [' Silly me, Momma called Auntie.']
He led me over to Granny, "Yes, Terri called and told us what happened, but we want to hear about it from you. If you want to tell us, that is." [' I know from experience with Debbie that she'll need to talk to us about it for her peace of mind.']
"I am ready to talk about it Grandpa. I hope that y'all have plenty of Kleenex, because it is a tearjerker," I sighed. [' Can I sound any more like a Drama Queen? Or am I being a silly goose now?']
Then he bear hugged me as Granny, Aunt Debbie, and Shaggy came up, "We know, Kelly. And we are here for you." ['She’s still so sweet and innocent even after her ordeal! Thank You LORD for helping my grandchild.']
Aunt Debbie attached a leash to Shaggy's collar that she'd gotten out of her car, "I'll take Shaggy out to the barn daddy." ['Why he was regulated to the barn is a shame, Kelly was never allergic before.']
He undid the leash and pocketed it, "Let him stay Debbie, the only reason we put him out there last time was that he was out at the duck pond. NOT because Kelly's allergic to him." ['Poor kids. They love animals, but can't stand their fur. Well, guess that it's up to me to fix it.']
Grandpa did find an organic relief for them and others. He found a combination of herbs that thoroughly cleansed the fur and worked with the fur to prevent dandruff by using the body's oils to kill it and fleas and tics. Unfortunately, it only worked for Julie and Johnny because of their unique heritage.
We were spoiled with a scrumptious dinner of pot roast with apple pie ala mode for desert. Aunt Debbie and I offered to help clean up, but we were forced to sit in the living room watching the movie 'Ice Angel' as they cleaned up the kitchen. Then they joined us in the living room and I told them about the ordeal and my wish to be a girl, not to just dress like one.
Granny led me over to Grandpa's lounge chair, "Here you go, Kelly. Sit here and tell us your story from the beginning." ['Even though we know, we want to here her thoughts so we can better help her.']
I couldn't believe it! I was to sit in Grandpa's chair? Only he sat here and smoked his pipe of herbs, "But this is Grandpa's chair, not mine Granny!" ['I don't want to disrespect Grandpa! Why is she doing this?']
Grandpa led me over and sat me in his seat, "Today, you sit here and tell us your tale my grandchild. I know that you're showing me respect, but I WANT you to sit here." ['Poor child thinks I'm an ogre about my chair.']
I hugged him in thanks and gratitude for his gift, "OK, thanks Grandpa for letting me sit in your lounger." Then I spent a few moments getting myself ready while they sat down around me in the sofas.
Aunt Debbie brought out tea for everybody but pointedly handed Grandpa his '#1 GRANDPA' glass that I had given him last Christmas, "But you don't get 'MY' glass Sport," he chuckled. ['She gave me this for my birthday and now it's my favorite glass.']
I smiled at their attempt at humor and started on my story, "It all started when I dressed as Tinkerbell for Halloween, I was gonna be Peter Pan, but Mrs. Woods picked up the wrong costume," I smiled and blushed as I remembered the events that led me into becoming Kelly girl for the first time. ['Daddy, I wonder if you ever did see me as your little girl while you were living.']
Granny sat down her glass and sighed, "So, if not for that, you'd not have discovered Kelly girl." ['I saw her picture from that Halloween party and all that I saw was Kelly girl.']
I saw that they were gonna go back to when Kelly girl was born, "Yeah, Granny. Wearing that dress and tights and sleeping in them that night started me on my journey as Kelly girl." ['If not for that, what other event would have triggered my entry into being Kelly girl?']
Grandpa fidgeted, "And the Woods accepted you as Kelly girl?" ['LORD! Will I ever find peace in my heart for what I did to Debbie years ago?']
I took a sip of my drink, "Uh huh. That was after Daddy died and I'd been having nightmares about it, but wearing Julie's tops and shorts at night stopped that Grandpa." ['Even then, with my long hair, I could pass as a girl.']
Aunt Debbie looked at me with tears in her eyes, "What about this doctor that hurt you?" ['I was brutally attacked, was Kelly's hurt any less traumatic for her?']
Granny wiped Aunt Debbie's tears away, "He actually thought that I wanted to be a girl, so he gave me pills and shots that made me start to go through girl's puberty. Because of him the only thing I am missing are breasts. My boy bits are there, but I can only pee. I can't father children. That's why I turned from Julie to Johnny Aunt Debbie."['Having a girl's body as a boy sure was something. I still have my child's voice and I never have shaved, unlike Aunt Debbie when she was Uncle Brian.']
Granny looked at Aunt Debbie, and then at me, "I am sure that when she found that out she threw a fit." [' I threw a royal hissy fit when I saw what happened to Brian; I lost my son, but gained a daughter.']
"She did Granny, and I don't blame her. But she is still my best friend. In fact, she helped me out a lot when I needed help with Johnny," I sighed as I once again felt Julie's anger and dismay when she pounded my chest back then. ['That is one Hell that I NEVER want to go through again! I hated hurting her, but I had to be truthful about myself.']
Aunt Debbie smiled, "You mean when she helped you at the dinner party?" ['That girl is so sweet. Kelly has a good friend in her.']
I blushed as I gathered my thoughts, "That and the night before because in both cases I had oral sex with Johnny Aunt Debbie." ['Even now, I can remember every moment of the passion. I hope that Aunt Debbie has such wonderful memories.']
"And you instigated both encounters?" [' I know it has to be her because that Johnny doesn't have that much gumption.']
"Yes Grandpa, I know now how foolish I was to do it. I thought that being Kelly boy and playing sports with him would be enough. Being Kelly girl ignited a fire in me that I hope to control." ['If not for that, I'd still be with you Johnny my love.']
"Kelly, after the kidnapping, you lost it when you saw your hands, Why?' [' Did she lose her innocence then, or have YOU renewed it LORD?']
"Because I thought that I had killed them, [sniff, sniff] I have been trained in karate up to black belt level, [sniff, sniff] and I can easily kill with one blow.[sniff, sniff] I was convinced that I had sinned against both GOD,[sniff, sniff] and my Teachings.[sniff, sniff] I felt that I should have died in their place Granny[sniff, sniff," I wept as I held up my hands, recalling the anguish that I felt back then.
Aunt Debbie came over and held me as I cried myself out while Granny and Grandpa hugged us both, "Yet you were better after a nap and Julie was too. Did you see Jesus?" ['LORD! I am thankful for your accepting me as a girl.']
"Yes I did Auntie, [sniff, sniff] He took away my distress, [sniff, sniff] and healed me when I gave up my hatred [sniff, sniff] and forgave them," I finished crying as my bitter tears of grief became tears of JOY. ['Has Aunt Debbie ever felt such LOVE from YOU LORD? If not, I hope that she does.']
Granny cupped my chin gently as she lifted my face up to meet her gaze, "Now that you are here, is there anything that you want to do while you're here with us?" ['Thank you LORD for renewing her innocence.']
I looked up at her, "Yes Granny, I want to become a real woman like Aunt Debbie if I can." ['Well as real as I can be. Wish that I was a girl like Julie.']
Grandpa gently hugged me and led me back to his lounge chair, "If that is your wish, then we will help you to become a woman. I don't understand why, you feel this way. All that I know is that I see a sweet, gentle young woman before me. I almost lost Brian years ago because I neglected him, I will NOT make that mistake with you Kelly." ['LORD! You have given me a chance to redeem myself through Kelly, I will not fail you.']
Granny came over and placed a rose pendant in my hand, "Kelly, let this rose symbolize your journey. For as in the song, you shall bloom from your winter in a spring of new hope. My child, you have a much harder road than my daughter did, but like Debbie, you too will bloom." [' LORD! Help me to nurture Kelly as she grows into a young woman.']
I looked at the pendant, remembering that drive up here with Aunt Debbie, "Granny, did you know that Aunt Debbie played that Bette Middler song when she drove me up here? To tell the truth everybody, I kinda feel like a rose," I sighed as I admitted to everybody how I felt. ['Why does that particular song call out to me? Are you trying to tell me something through it GOD?']
Then Grandpa placed a red rose in my other hand, "Kelly, [sniff, sniff] when my son Brian told me that he felt that he was really a girl inside,[sniff, sniff] I lost it and called him vile names. [Sniff, sniff] It was only after I saw him dressed as Debbie, [sniff, sniff] I knew that I was wrong and accepted my daughter. [Sniff, sniff] My only regret is that I was not there when she needed me when she was attacked. [Sniff, sniff] Now that you are a rose that must go through a winter to bloom in the spring, [sniff, sniff] I vow to be there for you and see you through," he openly wept as he told me his shame. ['I know that Debbie, Lizzie, and Terri have forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself.']
I placed both roses on a saucer, and then I hugged them as I cried tears of joy. I felt safe and secure with them, I knew that I could trust them to be there when I needed them. I thanked GOD for their love. I looked at them, "Thanks. I can never thank you enough for letting me be here." ['No wonder Momma loves roses! She has roses of every color on her skirts, blouses, and undies.']
We hugged and I went to bed because I felt tired. I looked at my two gifts and remembered Bette Middler's song 'The Rose' and how it applied to me. Could I actually be like the rose? Will I bloom in my new spring? Will I marry Johnny?
At this time, Granny was praying about me: "My grandchild Kelly has chosen her path now. She has been through many heartaches and is still the sweet, gentle innocent soul that she was before. Terri has given us a gift of surpassing beauty in Kelly. Now it is up to us to teach her and help her to grow into the woman she is inside.
"But I sense darkness within her that she has yet to face concerning herself and Johnny. We must be ready for when she faces it because like Debbie, she will despair and lose hope. If she dies, it will break my beloved’s heart. Please LORD, protect Kelly from her darkness. And give her the strength to overcome it. In YOUR NAME, AMEN."
This is what Grandpa was praying in his heart: "My LORD, YOU have given me a second chance in Kelly. After the fiasco of my turning Brian away, her brother Stu showed me my error and when I saw Debbie, I saw my beautiful daughter and accepted her. Then when she was attacked at Halloween, I was not there because the bastards had used their dad to lead me away.
"I know that they're still in prison, but I lost the friendship of their fathers who moved away to get away from the memories. Now with Kelly I will NOT make the same mistake! But I need YOUR help to know what to do. Please give me the Wisdom That I need to help Kelly as she learns and grows into the beautiful woman she is inside. And the ability to see those who would hurt her. In YOUR mighty NAME, AMEN."
Aunt Debbie was praying this: "LORD, Am I the right one for Kelly to learn from? Is there another better suited to be her mentor? I feel so inadequate for the task, yet here I am, mentoring my niece in how to be a woman. Momma and Terri helped me, but I guess that Terri is out because of Johnny and I DO have momma and poppa to help me.
"LORD, all that I ask is for YOU to help me to help Kelly because I know that there are bumps along the way on her journey to completion. Be there for her as YOU were for me. In YOUR mighty and HOLY NAME, AMEN!"
Then I prayed before I went to sleep," LORD, am I like love, like a river that drowns the tender reed, or am I the reed? Am I like love, a razor that leaves the soul to bleed, or am I the bleeding soul? Am I like Love, a hunger, an endless, aching need? Because right now, I feel empty inside."
"Or am I like love, a flower only a seed? Am I a promise, a possibility? My heart is afraid of breaking, LORD; will I ever learn to dance? If so, who will I dance with? Am I a dream that's afraid of waking, will I ever take the chance to fly? Or am I one who won’t be taken, who can not seem to give? Will I ever be able to share my heart? Will my soul stay afraid of dying and never learn to live?"
"LORD, the night has been too lonely. The road has been too long. No LORD, I do not think that love is only for the lucky and the strong. For in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow is the seed that with the sun’s love, that in the spring becomes the ROSE! May I be that Rose LORD? Will I be like Aunt Debbie and bloom in my new spring? LORD, I hope so! AMEN!"
Then I went to bed and slept peacefully for my nightmares were finally gone. My Hope had been renewed and I could see clearly now my path. I knew that my family and friends were with me and GOD Loved me for whom I was.
That night, I dreamed about daddy still being alive and giving me away at my wedding to Johnny. Julie was my Maid of Honor; Constable Sebastian Johnny's Best Man. Aunt Debbie was my Flower Girl. Now I know that little girls are supposed to be Flower Girls, but since she was never a little girl, this was our way of letting her be a girl child for a day.
To Be Continued...
