|
Chapter-7- Choices By Stanman63 Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and JennaFL for Proofing and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration! Synopsis: After learning the terrible news, young Kelly decides to make the most of a bad situation. Much to his sister, and girlfriend Julie's dismay. But Julie makes a choice that shows her Love for her Best Friend, and new sister that stays hidden from Kelly. In school, Kelly proves to be very much of a tom boy as he excels at academics, and sports, side by side with his best friend, Johnny. Together, they become the school's top athletes until Kelly is disqualified because puberty is giving her weak bones. Then Kelly discovers her new dream after a game. |
 |
After that, I found that I was thinking about Johnny instead of Julie. I still loved her, but I found that I wanted to marry Johnny instead. True, I was closer to Johnny, but that was because we were both on the same teams. We had been backing each other up until we were like one person. Now, instead of seeing him as my buddy, I saw him as my Prince Charming. I was Prince Charming, Julie was my Princess, and I was totally confused.
My family noticed my confusion too. I couldn't stay focused on anything. Luckily, we were out of school, during Summer Vacation, but thing would change in time, they hoped. We were at the pool, Julie was wearing her Supergirl swimdress, Johnny wearing his Aquaman swim trunks, and I was wearing my Robin swim trunks. We were relaxing under the patio awning when they broached the subject.
Julie looked at me from where she was lounging, "Kelly, you seem to be distracted, all of a sudden. Are you mad at us?"
I sighed, "No, Julie. I'm not mad at anybody, I'm just confused.' ['Nobody should go through what I went through.']
Johnny sat by me, "Is this about what that doctor did to you? I mean, normally, you don't wear a shirt when swimming, like you are, now."
"Yes, it is, Johnny. Ever since I found out what he did, I don't know if I am a boy, or a girl. Right now, my chest is a bit tender, so I'm wearing a sports bra to keep my chest from hurting. Only Julie here, should be wearing one."
"Kelly, do you still love me? You are my Prince Charming." ['I might sound corny, but that's how I feel.']
"Julie, I want to be your Prince Charming, but how can I? I can't give you any children," I sighed.
She hugged me, "Oh, Kelly. Your Daddy was adopted, so, I don't care if you can give me children, or not! He was a very good Daddy to you." ['If need be, I'll fore go sex. I love him that much.']
I smiled at her, "Oh, I know that, my Sister. It's just that I am no longer sure if I am a Prince, or a Princess. Right now, I am both, and neither. Believe me when I tell you that you don't want to be me." ['Who am I Lord. I need to know.']
"Kelly, have you talked to Pastor Patrick about this?"
"No, Johnny."
"Why not? He is cool for an adult."
"I wouldn't know what to say," I sighed.
Julie smirked, "Yeah, I know what you men." ['Time to get Kelly's silly side awake.']
"Oh? How's that?"
"He's a guy, not a girl."
"So?"
"What does he knows about having a period," she deadpanned.
"Oh, I see," then what she said finally hit me. "HEY! I'M A BOY, NOT A GIRL, JULE MARIE!"
"Got'cha."
Then we had fun, walloping each other with towels, and soaking one another with squirt guns. Their talking to me had helped me to put aside my anxiety for the day, but that night, things changed. It all came to a head when I dreamed about Daddy. I saw him sitting by a pond, sitting upon an old tree stump, waiting for me.
"Come over here, Kelly."
"Yes Daddy," I glided over to where he sat and he swept me into his strong arms.
"How is my son doing?"
"Oh Daddy! NOW I don't know if I am your son or daughter!" I wept.
He looked at me with understanding in his eyes, "Because of that doctor."
"Uh huh, I don't want to hurt Julie, but if I can't be a husband and give her children, I shouldn't try to be her boyfriend. It just wouldn't be right, and I love her too much to deny her any children."
"Does she not want you anyway?"
"Yes, but I am not sure if that's what she wants."
"Don't you think that should be HER choice?"
"Yes, Daddy, but NOW, I don't see her as a girlfriend. And I don't know what I should pray for!"
He hugged me, "Why is that?"
"Because, NOW, I want to be Johnny's girlfriend, NOT Julie's boyfriend."
He smiled at me, and looked over my shoulder, "And you think that that is wrong?"
"Isn't it?"
He pointed to my chest, "What do you feel in your heart?"
"That I love Johnny."
"Do you feel that you should have been born a girl?"
"NOW, I do, in fact, ever since I was Tinkerbell, I've wanted to be a girl, sorry, Daddy."
"That's quite alright. You be who, and what you want to be, my Child."
Then a man in a white linen robe approached us, I saw scars on his forehead and holes in his palms. There was an utter sense of Peace and Belonging about Him. Then I knew who I was seeing.
I jumped down and ran over to him, "JESUS!!"
"Yes Kelly, I am He," He smiled.
Next thing I knew, I was in His arms, "Jesus, am I bad for wanting to be a girl?"
"No, My Child, it is a part of your journey to choose."
"But what about Julie and Johnny?"
"Whatever your choice, they will find one for them."
"So, being confused about my gender is OK?"
"Yes, many of My Children are confused, unfortunately, all too many only find fulfillment up here after their journey is over," he sighed.
"Why do you not help them?"
"I do, but they must accept My Help."
Jesus passed me back to Daddy, "Kelly?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"If you choose Johnny, Julie will give you a special gift."
"What gift?"
"THAT, young Kelly will be shown after you choose," admonished Jesus.
Then I woke up with tears in my eyes as I slept next to Momma, "Kelly, are you OK?" ['I've been worrying about him, ever since we got the bad news.']
"Yes, Momma. I just had a wonderful dream."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Fine Momma, I'll tell you and the Woods after breakfast," I sighed. ['Things are much better now, after my dream.']
Then I went to sleep and didn't wake up until rather late.
"Wake up Kelly, or you'll miss lunch," yelled Julie from the doorway as she passed by wearing her red swim dress.
I jumped up and noticed that I was still wearing yesterday's plaid shirt and jeans while my boots were on the floor. I got showered, looking at my diminished goods and knew the choice to make. I donned my Batman trunks and matching top with sandals and towel and headed to the patio-pool area where a scrumptious lunch of burgers, fries, hot dogs and salad was spread out along with an assortment of sodas. Our parents only drank spirits on special holidays, and never smoked.
I felt a massive hand clasp my shoulder, "Well, how are things, Kelly?" ['He's been so out of it that I've been afraid that he'd want to die. Looks like he's found some sort of balance.']
I smiled at him,” I don't rightly know, Mister Woods, but I have an announcement to make that involves Julie AND Johnny."
I felt a hand caress my face, "Does it have to do with what that doctor did to you?"
Yes, Mrs. Woods. It has EVERYTHING to do with that."
"Perhaps you had best wait till tonight to tell, then."
"No, Momma. I need to tell them A.S.A.P."
"Tell us WHAT, Kelly?" asked Johnny as he and Julie approached carrying towels.
"Please, sit down my [sniff, sniff] brother and sister. [Sniff, sniff]. Things have changed," I cried.
Then Julie started beating on my chest in helpless fury," NO! KELLY!! IT CAN'T BE!! YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND FOR LIFE!!" she yelled.
Julie's silent tears broke my Heart. She knew what I was going to say, and did not want for me to voice her fears. But she could not prevent the reality of the hell that had been wrought upon me, a hell that would change my Life forever.
I stood there, quietly enduring her rage. The tears running down my cheeks mute testimony to my anguish that nothing compared to the hell that I was enduring now. Here I was Julie's best friend, and boyfriend betraying her love. But I could not do otherwise. She deserved to have a loving husband who could give her a family.
As she spent her rage, she looked me in the eye, "Do you still love me, as a sister?" ['He does this out of Love for me. Now, I know how to show my Love for him.']
"Always, Julie. And maybe in time like before."
"I hope so, Kelly."
I did not know it, but that night, Julie made a choice that would be her Gift to me. She gathered her family and my momma in the Playhouse while I slept fitfully in my bedroom.
She looked at them with tears falling from her eyes, "Momma, Daddy, Johnny, Mrs. Moore, I know that Kelly has very little chance of being a father now, and according to my research, he will soon need his gonads removed to prevent cancer." ['He made the right choice, after all. Once gone, he can never be a father.']
"Yes, I asked the doctors at the clinic and that is the procedure to prevent cancer," affirmed Momma. ['She is being strong for Kelly, now. He will need that strength.']
"That is why, if possible, harvest his seed and implant it in me after I graduate."
Her mother wiped her eyes free of tears, "Julie, do you realize that the chances of you conceiving are very remote?" ['So young, yet so mature.']
"Yes, Momma. But it's the only chance that Kelly has to have children. I want to give him that chance."
Her Daddy smiled at her, "Do you want for Kelly to know?"
"No I don't. Let me tell him if I do have the child."
"But why, Julie? Shouldn't he know?"
"No, if he knew, he'd want to marry me. And I know that he'd be faithful. But, he'd also be miserable."
After several minutes of discussion, everybody agreed that she could do it and would keep it secret from me until after the child was born.
Meanwhile, Aunt Debbie got word of my accident. And she had a talk with my grandparents.
"Momma, Poppa, I have terrible new about Kelly!" ['It's as if history is repeating itself.']
Granny put away her book and looked up at her distraught daughter as Grandpa stopped fiddling with repairing an old fan, "Is this about him walloping a boy for being fresh with Julie? That boy is a bit hot-headed when it comes to that girl." asked Granny.
"That may very well be, Lizzie Jane. But, at least he's doing what he should, instead of getting into real trouble. He's simply doing as Stu did when he was a boy," chuckled Grandpa.
"It's much worse than that, Momma, as bad as what happened to me," she cried as tears ran down her face. ['Oh, Daddy, I want for it to be like that.']
There was a clatter as tools were dropped, suddenly, "WHAT!!??" exclaimed Grandpa. ['Please Lord, NOT the nightmare!']
Aunt Debbie went over to Grandpa, who wiped away her tears, "Some doctor took away his manhood, now, and Kelly can no longer be a daddy." ['This is my nightmare made real. How can I face Kelly, now?']
Then Grandpa hugged Debbie, "My child, we will be here for Kelly. He will not suffer, if we can help it. Stu will not lose his child to despair, if I can help it."
She looked at him with love in her eyes, "I know, Poppa, but I am scared that he might hate me if he ever found out, and he might hurt me because of his hurt," she cried.
"Then, whenever he is here, you will be away at the cabin," stated Granny.
My family and friends had gathered together to support, and protect me. I had begun to despair, then that Dream rekindled my dying Spirit. Now, I was ready to embark upon a new phase of my life. The old me was dead, the new me would arise from the ashes, and become the person that I was now meant to be.
Luckily, I did not have to have my gonads amputated. Because of all of the female hormones and something unique about my body, my gonads remained dormant except for the odd erection from a wet dream about once a month. When that was discovered, and that my wet dreams had a cycle, I started to wear a condom to capture the semen for the doctor.
"Kelly, I have good news for you, young man."
"Oh? Am I gonna be a boy, after all?"
"No, unfortunately, that can't be reversed. But you know that there was a concern that your gonads would turn cancerous?"
"Yes, that's why I am here."
"Well, your gonads are not anywhere near going cancerous. In fact, they are working quite well, for a toddler that is," he smiled. ['I need to give him that bit of hope that he needs. And I am glad to be able to give it.']
I looked at him in confusion, "I thought that I needed them amputated, since I'm pumped full of female hormones, chemically castrating me."
He squeezed my knee, "Well, Kelly. You're very lucky."
I smiled, nervously, glad that I was wearing my school uniform, "Oh? How's that?" ['He's always been good to me. Could he have good news?']
Momma looked at the file that he passed to her, "Doctor, as you know, I work in a doctor's office. Is what I'm reading, correct?" ['If so, then Kelly might b able to be a Daddy.']
"Yes, Terri. You read it correctly."
I tugged on his arm, "What's the good news, then?"
"After you were taken off of those medicines, your body started to recover. Now, your starting to produce testosterone."
"Enough to father children?"
"I'm afraid not. Your body will develop along its current lines. You will never have a beard, or need to shave your legs."
"What about taking steroids to boost my levels?"
"That would give you cancer."
Coach Hornsby cleared his throat, "What about Kelly’s clearance to play sports? Last game, he was pretty banged up. Can he play again?"
"I'm afraid not. His bones are weak from those hormones, still. Perhaps by the time that he graduates, he'll be ready for sports."
"Kelly, I still want you on the team, will you be the Team Manager?"
"Sure, Coach."
Unfortunately for Julie, I started seeing Johnny as my boyfriend. She saw the change and even though it broke her Heart, she accepted the change in my Heart because I turned to her twin brother Johnny, in my Heart of Hearts.
Julie's thoughts: ['Oh Kelly, my Beloved. I see the change in your heart even if my brother is blind to it! I see how you now have bonded with him in sports and are becoming more of a jock to prove that you are a man to yourself. Yet, I also see the Love Light that you had for me, now you have for Johnny. I will not stop you. I will do all that I can to help you in your choice for my brother Johnny is very lucky to have you.']
In school, I was unable to go out for sports because of my body's weak bones. I stayed on the team as the Team Manager. The jocks all chided me about it, but were glad that I was still on the team. I only dressed out in my uniform of blue shorts, and red polo shirt on away games, Home games, I got to watch from the stands.
It was during my freshman year in high school that I started to really blossom as Kelly girl. It was my first day and I was at my locker when Ryan came up to me. He was a jock, and had a reputation as of being quick tempered.
"Hey, Kelly. Are you, doing anything, this afternoon?"
I closed my locker, "Not really, other than the game, that is. Why?" ['What does a senior want to do with me?']
"Well, I kind of need your help," he said as he scratched his head.
"Ryan, I'm a freshman. It'd be silly for me to tutor you," I chuckled.
"No, it's not that. I need for you to talk to Sarah for me. "
"OK, she does go to gymnastics with me. "
"No, not at gymnastics, at Ronzi's"
"Won't it look bad for me to talk to her, there?"
"Well, not if you wear a dress," he blushed.
"Ryan, you know that I stopped that stuff after Linden and his goons started to cause trouble."
"Please, Kelly. You will be safe there. All of the kids love it when you’re a girl. And the girls actually accept you as a girl."
"OK, I'll do it on two conditions."
"Sure, what are they?"
"Julie and Johnny are there, and no kissing me, AT ALL."
"You got it, bro."
That began my going out as Kelly girl. I never went out with Johnny. It was always with another guy who needed for me to help him with his girlfriend, or simply needed a date. Those I was treated as their sister, and afterwards, they soon found a girl after I told them how he treated me.
Then we had a Spirit Day where we could dress as anything that showed our School Spirit. It was during my senior year. I asked Momma for one of her old Cheerleader uniforms. There were pictures of her on the mantle from back then and I thought that I'd look cute in one of them. She was astonished that I'd ask, but she let me have them all. So I chose the blue sailor dress and red bloomers with white socks and shoes. She helped me too get ready and was amazed that I knew about makeup. After I was ready, Momma gave me her approval.
I learned later that Momma was worried about me: ['My son Kelly has finally asked for my help in dressing up in a costume. I blame myself for being to busy to really be there for him. I have been allowing the Woods to raise him for me. And now I am saddened that only now am I a part of his girl world. [Sigh.] Does he want to become a girl or just dress as one?']
Johnny was really impressed with my costume too. ['Kelly was a knockout in school today. I kept on forgetting that he is a boy, not a girl. I think that I am in love with him as a girl now. Am I gay for loving a guy in a dress? What if Kelly is really a girl? I am so confused.']
Mom is working late and the school has a home game tonight. So I'm wearing one of Mom's old Cheerleader uniforms from when she went to school. I carefully applied makeup and spritzed on my favorite perfume. My hair, I did up in a ponytail since I had no time for anything more elaborate. I looked just like her when she was a Cheerleader. My hair brushed out, makeup done as well as I could do it.
Unfortunately, there was a group that attacked anybody in costumes. It all really started back when I was in junior high. A local Goth group had taken it upon themselves to rid the community of undesirables, mainly those they considered freaks. Luckily, I was always with my best friends, so they never attacked me, but they did try to get others to listen to their message.
It was led by Pastor Linden. He was an old-style, Bible-thumping, fire & brimstone, preacher that hated any and all that went against his sensibilities. He was the same one who had hurt Aunt Debbie, years ago. When he found out that I was dressing as a girl, he actually tried to get me expelled, But Principal Franklin and Coach Cartwright both stood up to him and Mister Woods stopped supporting his church. After that, he had to start working because he had no diploma making him a pastor. But he did unfortunately organize his flock into hate mongers that bash those they hate.
We later learned from Mister Woods about the bashers. The police have just issued a Public Warning about the Halloween Basher Thugs. They're once again attacking any body in a costume. So far, they've stayed on the other side of the river, but now they've crossed over. I've warned my children and Kelly and they promised me that they'd be careful and spread the news.
The only reason that I am taking this chance is this is Halloween. I was one of the few boys that decided to dress as a girl and unlike the others; I actually looked like a girl. A few of the jocks had decided to clown it up for a laugh. They had worn some of the costume from the prop room for pep rally skit. They got applause for the humor. Not me, I had already proven myself today and tonight was for me. I walked to the school and paid the admission fee. Then I went and got my refreshments and sat on the bleacher, waiting for the game to start. I saw my friend Julie in her Cheerleader outfit. I always wanted to be a Cheerleader, but I am a boy, not a girl. I wanted to be the one cheering Johnny to victory. [Sigh]
Luckily for me, the Bashers were all caught, but the news that I got later was disturbing indeed. Mister Woods told us that they finally caught the thugs just before the game started. What is scary is that they had targeted the game because of the costumes. They could have hurt me and others. All this because of one man's hatred. Well, now, we can sleep in peace,
Then after the game, Julie and Johnny came over to me. We went out to fence and sat down upon the bus stop bench for privacy as the parking lot was on the other side of the field. They were worried because of the recent attacks at Halloween. "WOW Kelly, you look great! That looks like one of the old Cheerleader uniforms. Where did you get it?"
"It is Julie, It's my Momma's old uniform. I look just like she did when she went to school here too." ['I should know because Momma took my picture.']
Johnny said, "Why are you wearing your Mom's old Cheerleader uniform?" with concern. "There had been several incidents where thugs had assaulted women and girls in the area and the cops had yet to catch them and with you being a boy, they might hurt you. Don't you care about your safety?"
"I have wanted to dress as a girl for years. Remember that for every Halloween that I have always dressed as a girl and you have always liked it too." ['Oh, Johnny! How can I hope to get you to understand my inner desire that I can never quench?']
"I know Kelly, but what if the thugs see you? If you ever got hurt, I'd just die!!!"
"Julie, I have lived with that fear for years now, but I can not give up being a girl," Turning to Johnny. "We have been best friends for years Johnny, now I need your friendship now more than ever." ['Will he be there for me?']
"Why now? What's your problem Kelly? And why do you need my help?"
"Soon, I will graduate and I am unsure of my future," I cried. ['I guess that it's time to tell them, but I'm afraid of their reaction.']
"What do you mean? I thought that we were going to college together. You know, the Three Musketeers all over again like when we were kids."
"I do not know if I am a boy or a girl," I began weeping as I finally admitted the truth to them. "I have been having dreams of being a girl for years and only when I dress as a girl do I feel right. Julie, you have been so kind to help me to be a girl. Johnny, you've been the best brother that I could ask for."
"Any time, my sister Kelly. Have you given up being a boy?"
"Pretty much, yeah. I never have been that convincing a boy now have I?" ['Being the same size as you sure has helped too. Oh why couldn't I have looked like my Dad?']
"What are you going to do?" asked Johnny. He needed to know because we three had been planning upon attending college together and now with my scholar ship, it was a done deal.
"I do not know," ['What will you do now Johnny? After making plans for college, I've effectively quashed them just now.']
Then Johnny put his right arm around me, "Kelly, I always thought that we would all three be going to college together."
"Johnny, I thought so too, but I have to work out who and what I am. Ever since that first Halloween when I was Tinkerbell, I've found out the bitter truth. I want to be a girl, not to just dress as a girl anymore." ['I know that this is especially hard for you, but tonight brought it all out.']
"Kelly, are you sure about that? I will support whatever choice it is that you make, my friend, Good thing I haven't accepted a scholarship yet."
"Yes, Johnny. Now more than ever." I'd finally dried my tears on a hanky that Julie handed me.
"Kelly, I think that it is brave of you to admit this. You can count on me to help." Then she hugged me as I wept again.
There I was with my best friends who'd accepted the change in plans. What I later learned was that they'd never really finalized any college plans with me. They knew me better than I knew myself. They told me that they'd seen Kelly girl grow and take over. They knew that I had to decide who and what I was.
"Me too. Looks like I have a sister now, Kelly the boy is gone and Kelly the girl is here to stay," observed Julie.
"Yeah, Kelly, you look like a raccoon," chuckled Johnny.
"Kelly, your face is a mess!! Shall I fix it for you?" Then she began to brandish her arsenal of makeup at me from her purse. Don't ask me how she does it I still can't do that trick.
"Thanks guys, [giggle] I look a right mess don't I? [Giggle] I should have worn waterproof mascara." [Giggle] I felt so relieved that they had accepted me news.
"Well, you do look a bit like a raccoon," chuckled Johnny as Julie redid my makeup for me and stuck her tongue out at him for saying it again.
Then as we were walking back to my house, we sat upon the bench outside of the community center. Johnny looked at me and whispered something to Julie; she stepped aside to give us privacy.
"Kelly?" ['I can't believe that I'm about to admit this to my best friend, but Kelly need to know exactly how I feel about her.']
"Yes, Johnny?" ['What did you say to Julie just now? What do you have to tell me? Is our friendship over now? Considering the hell that I've put you through jest now, I deserve it.']
Ever since you were Tinkerbell for Halloween, I have been in love with a special girl, at first, it was kiddy love, but now it's much more. That girl is you." ['There, I told her.']
"Me?" ['ME? I'm his special girl?'] I could hardly believe it after my revelation.
He cupped my chin in his hand, "Yes, you. Please don't freak out on me. "
"But I'm a boy and your best friend under this dress." ['Am I really ready to be a girl, more importantly, is I ready to be JOHNNY'S GIRL???']
"I know that, but right now, you look like a girl, my girl."
Then he kissed me gently. I felt a spark flow between us and I knew that as a girl, I was in love with Johnny. But what about as a boy? I was both elated and confused as we broke our kiss. Could I be a girl, THE GIRL for Johnny?
"WOW!"
"Kelly, want me to walk you home? I can't let you walk alone after all of this." ['She's too precious too me.']
"Yes Johnny."
Then we walked Julie to their home and she went in after kissing me on the cheek. It was like kissing my sister if I had one.
"Good night my sister," she said as she hugged me. "Welcome to the world of being a girl Kelly my friend."
Then I returned the hug, "Good night sister, of my heart. Without you, I never would have known what being a girl all was about."
Then she went inside and shut the door and turned off the porch light. Johnny and I walked to my house where we sat in the backyard swing. We sat there for a while as the moon rose up in the sky. I felt so safe and comfortable by Johnny.
"You are so beautiful, Kelly. I don't care that you are a boy. You're a girl to me. "
"Thanks, Johnny." Then we kissed again and I undid his jeans and took his member into my mouth. He looked on with excitement as I stroked him to full erection. Julie had told me of how the Cheerleaders had treated their boyfriends and now that I was one, I thought 'WHY NOT?'
"Do not all the Cheerleaders do this for their boyfriends?"
"Many do Kelly, are you sure that you want to?"
"Yes."
"But you are my best friend, not a girl."
"Right now, I AM a girl, I am your girl."
Then I took him in my mouth and massaged him until he erupted in me. I greedily swallowed his juice and cleaned up the residue. Then I leaned in for a kiss. He embraced me and kissed my lips. I knew that as a woman that I had pleased my man. Right then, I was a woman in my heart.
"I love you Kelly, forever and always." then he zipped up his jeans and left. I could tell that he loved me as a girl, but could I be the girl that he wants? For years, I had dressed as a girl for Halloween and as a girl over at the Woods. Julie had taught me about being a girl but could I be Johnny's girl? Would Johnny want me to be his girl after this?
I later learned that he was thinking about me that night: Kelly is as beautiful as a girl that even though I know that she's really a boy under that dress, he is all girls to me. But am I crazy for wanting Kelly as my girlfriend? I've dated before so I do know that I like girls and not boys. Could Kelly be the girl of my dreams after all even though he is a boy? Do I want to marry a boy?']
To Be Continued...
