My Summer of Sapphic Love

By Pamela

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My mom – I’m Emile by the way – took ill with cancer and my dad said it was best if I spent the summer with our cousins in Montana. I’m twelve years old, slight of build, considered cute by the girls in my class. Not handsome – cute, the implication being that my face isn’t ruggedly square and male – but a bit softer, rounder, cuter. It’s okay with me. I like girls. In fact, I’ve always liked girls. They seem more sensible and down to earth than boys who sometimes have streaks of immaturity that annoy me.

My uncle Jed owns a ranch within reasonable driving distance of White Sulphur Springs. He raises horses and farms a bit, has some cattle, pigs, chickens, and goats. He’s diversified to help him weather any economic storm. My first cousin, Jed’s son, Julien, is my age – in fact, he was born one week before me. I’ve met him a couple of times in the past when his family paid a visit to the East Coast where I live in a large metropolis – and once in Montana.

Julien has two much older sisters who are married and have moved away. The ranch has housing for the cowboys and cowgirls as my uncle calls them. They’re the ranch hands who get everything done. It’s a busy place. Julien and I hit it off pretty well the few times we’ve met. He’s likeable enough though I have to say he is precocious. His thoughts and vocabulary strike me as belonging to an older kid – but I actually like that about Julien. In Montana, Julien doesn’t have many opportunities to play with other kids during the summer. His school friends are dispersed among a wide region of farms and ranches. He sent me a letter saying how happy he is that I’m coming for a whole summer. We’ll have tons of fun together!

***

Late on a Sunday afternoon I arrived at the ranch and moved into a comfortable bedroom on the second-floor next door to Julien’s. Dinner was prepared by a cook and we ate at a large table with Jed, the ranch foreman and his wife, and a couple of other ranch hands. Julien told me that sometimes his dad’s girlfriend comes to dinner. Jed is divorced. Julien’s mother had run off to Hawaii with a National Geographic photographer sort of like the plot of the Bridges of Madison County. Julien gets birthday and Christmas cards from his mom. Every so often she sends a present. She wants him to visit her in Hawaii once he’s old enough to travel by himself. His sisters have made the pilgrimage and assured Julien that his mom is living the good life.

When I awoke the next morning I could see why Julien was happy for me to come. The house emptied out of all the adults who traveled to their various jobs around the ranch.

“You have to play by yourself every day?” I asked him.

“Ordinarily except that now we can play together if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m more than happy to join in with whatever it is you like to do around the ranch while everyone else is working.”

“I have some fun things that I do. Some inside, some outside.”

“Cool. That sounds ideal. Lead on, McDuff!”

Julien laughed. “Great. To the attic!”

I followed Julien up a stairway and through a door into a large high-ceilinged attic that formed the top of the farmhouse. He turned on the lights and I saw there was a plush carpet in the center of the room. Along the sides were some armoires, cabinets, and several dressers.

“What games do we play here?” I asked.

“This is where I like to play dress-up.”

“Dress-up?”

“I’ve collected a lot of my sister’s old clothes in here and it’s a lot of fun to try on outfits and play imaginary games with them.”

“Your sisters’ clothing?”

“Let me show you. It’s so much fun.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I looked at Julien with amazement. At no point had he asked me if I’d have a problem with dressing up in his sisters’ clothing.

“First thing is we have to take off our boy clothing. They just clash with the dress-up game.”

This was surreal. Yet, there was a definite logic to what Julien was saying.

I took off my clothes and we sat on the carpet facing each other. I was used to seeing naked boys in my gym classes, though I generally never concentrated on looking at their penises.

“The first thing we need to do is pick out our panties and bra,” Julien said. He stood up and I got up and followed him to a dresser just below a small window that looked out over a corral. “The top drawer is panties; the second one is bras.”

Julien opened up the top drawer and I gazed upon a vast collection of panties of every conceivable style and color. Of course I don’t know much about panties at all. I know that girls wear them. I’d seen little hints of them from time to time in movies and on TV. People certainly talk about them every so often. I remember being at my friend John’s house when his mom and sister were talking about whether or not she needed new panties.

“There are so many,” I said.

“My sisters went through panties year by year and I liked to collect the ones they were going to give away. I’ve always liked the fact that they fit me very well. Today I’ll wear these yellow striped panties.” Julien took out the panties and held them up for me to see. “Note that these are bikini style. There’s lace around the waist band. I tend to like the panties with lace more than the once without. What do you think? What’s your preference?”

“I never really thought about it. Can you suggest panties for me?”

“Sure. How about pink striped full coverage panties,” Julien said. He held up a pair for me to see.

“What does full coverage mean?”

“Just that the panties cover all of your butt.”

“Cool.”

“If you haven’t worn panties before then it’s good to start with full coverage, and you might as well allow yourself the fun of wearing pink. That’s always the nicest color. I often wear pink outfits but today I’m feeling like yellow and I’ll save the pink for you.”

“Thanks,” I said not knowing why I said it. “There’s full coverage and bikini. What else?” I asked trying to be agreeable.

“Good question. Let me find a thong to show you how extreme panties can become.” Julien found a thong and held it up for me to see.

“Wow, there isn’t much fabric!”

Julien laughed. “You can say that again. It’s very skimpy.”

“How does it work?”

“This little patch is meant to be in the front of the girl. The back part is just a thin strip.”

“So that can’t be on a girl’s butt, can it?”

“No. That’s exactly it. This part of the thong goes right up a woman’s rear end between her butt cheeks.”

“Wow.”

“I agree, wow! Not everyone is a fan of thongs. I prefer the more normal panties. I like how the hem of panties runs along my bottom creating a panty line that really helps show off the wonderful curve of a woman’s bottom.”

“I can’t believe how much you know about all this,” I said.

“You don’t have sisters. It was impossible for me not to be thrust into the midst of their female issues growing up. So I learned a lot by looking and listening.”

“That’s great.”

“Shall we put on our panties?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

I stepped into my pink panties and Julien stepped into his yellow ones. I noticed a large mirror at one end of the room and we walked over to take a look at ourselves. I must say we made a cute pair. I was an inch shorter than Julien, but we had the same sort of thin body. The front of our panties bulged a little from our penises.

“This is nice, Emile,” Julien said. “You seem to be liking the game.”

“So far it is kind of fun. It’s all very new to me. I never wore panties before, but I can see that it’s sort of nice to wear them. They’re pretty and the fabric is soft and feels good against my skin.”

“Yes, exactly. Our boy underwear is coarser. It never feels as good as panties.”

I followed Julien back to the dresser. He closed the top drawer and opened the second drawer. Inside there was a dense collection of bras.

“You know how to wear a bra?” I asked Julien.

“Yeah. Not at first. I had a hard time figuring out how to get it on correctly but then I got the hang of it. My sisters always kicked me out of their room when they were going to put on a bra, so I never got to see that.”

“Maybe there’s information on the internet,” I said.

“That’s a good idea. I never thought of that. Anyway I can show you how I do it, but first we need to decide what bra we want to wear.”

“How do we do that?” I asked.

“Obviously, I need a yellow bra and you need a pink bra. The other thing is the size. Some of the bras here are the ones my sisters wore when they first began to wear a bra. Those are called trainer bras. Then as their breasts developed they got bigger and bigger bras. They both ended up with D cup bras.”

“D cup?”

“Yeah, the size of the cup is given by a letter. A, B, C, D, like that. A is small, D is big.”

“Cool.”

“Before we pick bras let me show you the falsies my sisters used.” Julien opened a cabinet and showed a collection of different sized breast forms.

“I don’t understand. What are these for?”

“When my sisters wanted to show everyone they had bigger breasts than they really had, they’d put these in their bra cups.”

“You figured that out?”

“I overheard my sisters talking one day about stuffing their bras.”

“It’s really ingenious,” I said.

“I know. It’s very clever of girls. But we can do the same thing as them!”

“So cool.”

“If you wear a trainer bra you don’t need falsies. If you wear a larger size bra then you need to fill the cups with falsies.”

“What do you do?”

“Nowadays I definitely see myself in a D cup, so I wear D cup bras with the largest falsies. Since you’re brand new to this game, you might want to start smaller.”

“Sure. I’m happy to wear a trainer bra, at least until I get a little used to it.”

“That’s a good idea. Also the trainer bras have a little built-in padding that will give you a bit of a chest. Here, look at this one.”

Julien took out a pink trainer bra and handed it to me.

“See how it has padding in the cups.”

“You’re right,” I said as I felt the cups.

“Good. I’ll wear this yellow D cup bra. It’s one of my favorite bras that isn’t pink. That’s because it has delicate lace all over the cups and the straps.”

I admired the bra that Julien was holding. It was a pretty confection of yellow fabric and white lace.

“Good, now I’ll teach you how to put on your bra.”

Julien patiently explained what was involved with lining up the bra correctly, attaching the ends, positioning it, and ultimately putting it into its proper place.

“There, how’s that?” Julien asked after I had my bra on.

“It feels kind of odd, but also comfortable.”

“You look nice in it. The bra and panties together give you a pretty look.”

I went back to the mirror and looked at myself. It was kind of darling to see myself in a bra and panty I had to admit. The bra was pretty. I noticed a faint flowery design in the fabric. While I admired myself. Julien put on his yellow bra, inserted his falsies, and joined me at the mirror.”

“Wow I said. You have such a large chest! It’s like a real woman!”

“I know. I love that about it. It feels really nice to have large breasts. My peripheral vision gives me the sense of having a woman’s chest and that’s a satisfying feeling. I guess that’s one reason I like playing dress ups.”

“I see what you’re saying,” I said. “Looking at myself in the mirror my mind is going back and forth between seeing myself as a girl and seeing myself as I am.”

Julien laughed. “I’ve had the same kind of feelings when I started doing this. Now I feel like I’m a girl or woman who’s just going through her day!”

That was an interesting perspective. I wondered if we played dress up a lot would I begin to see myself as being a girl just getting through her day.

We sat back down on the carpet in our bra and panties. “Today I’m an older woman and you’re a teen girl. You call me Aunt Julie even though you might not technically be my niece.”

“I can be Emily?”

“Perfect name for you. I was thinking the same thing. “

“So what’s next in the dress up game?” I asked.

“Now we need our leg wear. I’ll wear pantyhose and you’ll wear pink tights.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Since I’m going to be a woman today I have to wear stockings or pantyhose like a woman wears. You’re a teenage girl so it can go either way – tights or pantyhose. I think pink tights would be a nice choice for you.”

“I’m happy to go along with whatever you decide. Pink tights sound like they’d be ideal.”

Julien went to a cabinet and fetched the pantyhose and tights and brought them back. “I’ll have to teach you how to put them on. It’s not hard but you have to be careful. Particularly with pantyhose. You can get a run or tear.”

I watched in fascination as Julien rolled up the legs of his pantyhose and slipped them on his toes then carefully brought them up his legs. He smiled and said, “It only looks easy because I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Cool.”

“Now I’ll help you with the tights.” Julien helped me put the tights on and we went back to the mirror.

I had to admit to myself that I was getting a bit excited. This was a fun game. My image in the mirror seemed so much like a cute girl that I wondered if maybe it was a trick mirror.

“You’re adorable, Emily,” Julien said. “I wasn’t so sure that you’d take to dress-ups but now I can see that it’s a perfect game for you just like it is for me.”

“I am having a lot of fun. It’s kind of thrilling.”

“When I first started dress-ups about two years ago I felt like you. Now it’s just a delightful pleasure that I allow myself to feel.”

“So what ends up happening in the dress-up game?” I asked.

“Well, we continue to get dressed up. Once we have our outfits on there are lots of things we can do. We can act out stories with each other like the one today where I’m your aunt. We can go horseback riding or take strolls through the countryside.” Julien laughed, “We can play horseshoes!”

“You have such a great imagination!”

“Thank you. Let’s continue getting dressed and then we can figure out what the next step is. Now that I have a friend to play with, there are so many more things we can do!”

“So what’s next?”

“Wigs! I love having long hair. I’d grow mine out except my dad is not keen on long hair. No matter, I have some very nice human hair wigs!”

Julien fetched a blonde wig for himself and a dark brown wig for me. “My hair is a sandy blonde color so I always wear this blonde wig. This brown one is also very nice. There are a couple of others but they might not be the best for you.”

“This is fine. I have brown hair; I might as well wear a brown wig.”

In front of the mirror Julien put his wig on. When he was done adjusting it the transformation to a feminine face was dramatic.

“It really makes you look like a girl!” I said.

“Thanks. Here let me help you with your wig.” Julien put the brown wig on my head and shifted it around until it looked perfect. Just like Julien my face was transformed into what to all intents and purposes was that of a girl. “Pretty Emily!”

“We’re two girls!”

“Today I’m Aunt Julie and you’re her young teenage protégé. Every day we can make up a different story.”

I wasn’t used to being around such a creative person. I felt that he was forcing me to expand my horizon in so many delightful ways. I felt a special affection for him. He was kind and interesting and this game was fun in so many ways that I could never have imagined it would be.

“What’s left is picking out our dresses, then our shoes and perhaps a little makeup. Then the show can begin!”

“Oh my God, dresses? I know nothing about dresses at all. How would I ever decide what dress to wear?”

Julien laughed. “You only have to pick out a dress from among the dresses we have! Let me show you. Well, anyway, today you’ve got to wear a pink dress to go with your pink underwear and tights.” He opened the doors to an armoire. Inside there were many dresses on hangers. “Let me suggest this one. I remember my sisters talking about the dress when they first got it. They said it’s an A-line princess dress with a flared skirt.”

Julien handed the dress to me and I examined it closely. “What do I do? How do I put on a dress? Do I undo this zipper?”

“Yes, the zipper is in the back. So undo the zipper and put the dress on over your head. I can zip you up.”

I did as Julien said and he came behind me and zipped up the dress. In an instant I went from feeling like I was kind of a girl to feeling utterly feminine. Femininity swooped in over me. I felt my heart race and my breath quickening. It was as if a hidden reservoir of sexual excitement had been released and was now flooding my mind. “Oh my God, Julien. Am I supposed to feel like a girl, or feel girlish? Is that part of dress ups?”

Julien laughed. “Of course it is Emily. Dress ups is all about having fun as girls or women.”

“Wow!”

“You’re so much fun Emily. I love how authentic you are! Now I’m going to put on a lovely yellow dress that I often wear when I’m changing up from my pink mood. It has a flared skirt just like yours. I love that its tight bodice shows off my breasts!”

Once Julien was dressed we went back to the mirror where I saw two lovely girls. One in a cute yellow dress and the other in a darling pink dress. The girl in the yellow dress was voluptuous.

In the bottom of one of the armoire’s was a collection of shoes. Julien pulled out a pair of pink heels that miraculously fit me. He had white heels that he put on.

“Last but not least is a bit of makeup,” Julien said. “I’m not great with makeup. I wish my mom or sisters had shown me how to do it.”

“You can learn from the internet,” I said.

“That’s such a good idea. I can’t believe I never thought of that.”

Julien found some lipstick and rouge and I watched in the mirror as he put some on my face and then his own.

“Absolutely adorable,” Julien said when he was done. We admired ourselves in the mirror.

“Now we can begin our game! Aunt Julie has come to visit Emily.”

I laughed, thinking about how much fun this was.

“My, my, Emily. Are you wearing a trainer bra?”

“Yes, Aunt Julie. My mom took me shopping for my first bra!”

“You’re growing up so quickly, Emily!”

“My friend Mary Beth was going to get her first bra. I guess she should have gotten one a while ago. The boys are always joking about how her breasts bounce around as she walks!”

“How rude of them! So what about Mary Beth?”

“If she started wearing a bra then only Kathy, Greer, Annie, and I wouldn’t be wearing a bra.”

“I see. So your mom intervened to save you from the stigma of not wearing a bra?”

“Yeah. She said the girls in our family start out slow but always catch up and even surpass most of the other girls.”

Julien laughed, “I’m living proof! I’m a D cup but I started out just like you with a trainer bra which I wore way longer than most of the girls in my class.”

“I guess I have to be patient. But at least I’ve started!”

“That’s a positive attitude. It’s sad that any girls feel trauma over whether or not they’re wearing a bra!”

Emile recalled the girls in his class at school. He had never thought about it before but he now understood how each of them were developing at a different rate. Joan already had a woman’s bust, while Thalia had no need for a bra. When he got back home he’d do what he could to make the girls feel good about themselves! Especially girls like Thalia.

“I love this game,” Emile said.

“Good, so you see how the game is played. We can stay in character for the rest of the day.”

“And every day we can try out different characters!”

“Yessiree! Come, Emily. Have some tea with your Aunt Julie downstairs in the parlor!”

“You’re not worried about your dad coming home? Or someone else?”

“The cook comes at 5 to start making dinner. Before then no one comes by. Well, the truth of the matter is that a couple of times delivery men have come by but they always think I’m a girl. They’re never suspicious. Once, when I was riding my horse I came upon some boys. They also thought I was a girl.”

“Wow, that sounds like it must be really freaky.”

“Perhaps so. We’ll go riding, maybe tomorrow and you’ll see how much fun it is to ride around as a girl.”

I followed Julien downstairs to the kitchen. He boiled water, made tea, and brought the tea pot to the living room where we sat and he poured tea into matching cups. We sat side by side on the sofa sipping tea until Julien put his cup down and turned toward me. You know why I brough you here Emily,” Julien said.

“Because … no, I guess I don’t.”

“As an older woman I have needs.”

“What kind of needs?”

“Did you ever hear of Sapphic love?”

“No, what is that?

“It’s the love between two women.”

“Cool.”

“Yes, I agree. Sapphic love is very special. In many ways it’s the highest form of love of all.” Julien laughed. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I get carried away and make up some silly things.”

“That’s all part of the fun,” I said.

“Good. You’re catching on,” Julien said.

“So why have you enticed me into your parlor at teatime?” I asked.

“I need to train you into the ways of Sapphic love.”

“Why?”

“Because it is your destiny to be a girl who succumbs to the love of a powerful woman like me.”

“You mean I’m to be your plaything?” I asked.

Julien laughed, “Yes, I suppose so. That’s one way to look at it. What do you know of love?”

“Not very much.”

“Which is why I must first introduce you to love.”

“How do you do that?” I asked.

Julien slid over on the sofa until we were sitting side by side. “You’re a very pretty girl Emily. And you’re wearing a pretty, flouncy, dress. I love it.”

“Thank you. I wore it special for you.”

“How sweet of you! I suspect that you know how pretty you look in that dress.”

I laughed. “I do!” I didn’t know where this was headed, but I couldn’t remember ever having as much fun as Julien and I were having. Part of the reason for my bliss was the realization that a part of me absolutely loved being pretty. In fact, I wondered how I’d ever be able to not want to be pretty in the future.

“Did you know that it’s essential that pretty girls know how to kiss,” Julien said.

“Kiss?” I said. Julien was staring into my eyes and I was staring into his. Our heads were close together. There was a sweetness to his breath and his lips with the lipstick quivering slightly in an enticing way. I couldn’t identify the feelings coming over me but my heart was beating fast. I looked down and felt a jolt of desire looking at Julien’s large chest. “Oh, Aunt Julie!”

Julien laughed. “Yes, I put a drop, just a drop of love potion in your tea so that you would relax and be ready for my seduction.”

“Seduction?”

“Into the ways of Sapphic love. It’s the training you so desperately need.”

I was wound up with expectation. Was Julien going to kiss me? I felt like I was his toy to be played with anyway he wanted.

Julien smiled at me. “You’re so pretty, Emily. You’re going to grow up to be a beautiful woman.”

“You really think so?” I could barely form the words as Julien had moved his lips to be practically touching mine. Then I felt his lips on mine and I closed my eyes waiting to find out how he was going to kiss me. I felt his arm encircling my back and his hand gently touching my chin and angling my face toward his. Then his lips pressed against mine. The feeling was electric – like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life.

Like I said before, I like girls. I’ve had some girls that I’ve played with growing up though we never really were what one would call boyfriend and girlfriend. With Julien, I felt for the first time that I had a girlfriend – albeit an older woman – and she and I were kissing. Adding to the fact that I felt like a young girl being conquered by a much stronger and more mature older woman was a special feeling of how much I loved that Julien had taken control of me. My little brain could barely comprehend the joy that came with being his plaything.

After kissing for a long moment. Julien said, “That was lovely Emily. You are a natural born kisser.”

“This was my first kiss. It was so much fun. Thank you for teaching me how to kiss.”

“You’re a delicate flower, Emily. I have to look after you and protect you. Once you start dating boys I won’t be there to make sure they don’t take advantage of you. That’s why you need to learn everything I tell you.”

“Yes Julien. What else will the boys do to me?”

Julien put his hand on my dress over my padded bra. “This is called feeling you up, Emily. Boys will want to kiss you and they’ll want to feel you up.”

“I should let them feel me up?”

“Only if you want them to. I’m just telling you they’re going to want to.”

I had to admit that on more than one occasion I’d thought it must be nice to hold a girl’s breast. “What does it feel like to feel up a girl?” I asked.

“Go ahead and feel me up,” Julien said. I gently cupped one of his breasts with my hand. I noticed that the thrill I’d been feeling up to that point escalated by leaps and bounds.

“Wow. That’s powerful. Julien, can you kiss me again?” I asked.

“Sure. Kissing is fun,” Julien moved in again and we had another long kiss. When it was done, Julien said, “There’s a more passionate way to kiss that we could try. I’ve never done it. It might be fun.”

I had no idea what he was referring to. “What do we do?”

“We put our tongues in each other’s mouth while we kiss. It’s called tongue kissing.”

“Really? Where did you hear about that?”

“My friend’s older brother told him about it. He says all the kids like to do it.”

“Okay, we can try it I guess,” I said.

This time Julien and I tongue kissed. At first it was weird to have my tongue in another boy’s mouth and equally strange to feel his tongue in mine. But after the novelty wore off I found myself enjoying the special intimacy it provided. It was sort of like a very special and personal connection between Julien and me. I felt happy and proud that we had discovered this together.

“You’re a quick learner, Emily. I’m so proud of how fast you’ve learned how to have a make out session,” Julien laughed.

I joined in the laughter. Our time on the sofa kissing seemed to be a lot more serious than two preteens merely having sex. “You’re teaching me how to behave around boys. That’s an important lesson.”

“You’re right. This is not only a make out session. So getting back to what I’m teaching you, there’s one other important part of Sapphic love.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“While we’re kissing I’ll show you.”

We once again engaged in a long intense kiss. I felt Julien massaging my breasts through my dress. Then his hand slowly slid down my torso and arrived on my leg. His hand slowly worked its way along my tights and stopped on my thigh.

“In Sapphic love we fondle each other’s vaginas,” Julien said.

“We do? I have a vagina?”

Julien laughed. “Yes, of course you do. Just relax and I’ll show you how it’s done.”

I relaxed and Julien resumed kissing me. His hand resumed moving further up my leg and landed on the bulge of my penis. It was a strange sensation. Something in the realm of pleasurable. Like nothing I had ever felt before.

“Now you reach inside my skirt and do the same thing I’m doing to you. This is Sapphic love at its best. We kiss and we fondle each other’s vaginas. It’s a beautiful form of love, don’t you think?”

I had no reason to disagree with Julien and I said, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

We resumed our kiss again. I placed my hand on his pantyhose. Then I imitated what he had done to me by slowly gliding my hand up his leg until my fingers found the bump of his ’vagina’ inside his skirt. He was gently squeezing my vagina so I did the same to him. After a while he stopped kissing me and withdrew his hand. I did the same with mine.

“That was brilliant Emily. Now we’ve both experienced Sapphic love for the first time”

“You’ve never done dress ups with another boy?”

Julien laughed. “Oh, no. None of the boys around here would be interested. They’re a rugged bunch. If we meet some you’ll see what I’m saying.”

“I guess I’m not a rugged boy,” I said.

“You saw yourself in the mirror, Emily. You’re a perfect girl, like me. We’re not rugged boys. We’re boys that are as pretty as girls and look like girls when we play dress-ups.”

“I’m glad that we’re both this way. This has turned out to be a super way to spend the day! What do we do now? I guess I would love to keep on kissing you and fondling your vagina.”

Julien laughed. “They’ll be plenty of time for that later. Let’s have lunch and then go for a stroll!”

***

Stepping outside with Julien I felt both anxious as well as exhilarated. Julien held my hand tightly after I told him that I was nervous. “Don’t worry my pretty Emily, I will keep you safe. I’ll take you on my favorite hike around the property. We’ll head to a promontory with a great view of most of the ranch.”

Julien had packed a thermos of milk and some cookies in a napkin. He also took a large folded up blanket. After a mile we came to the spot he sought and he spread the blanket in a grassy area from which we could see in several directions. It was magnificent country. We spread out our skirts and sat down next to each other admiring the view. After a while Julien playfully pulled me down onto my back and leaned over me and gave me a kiss. I put my arms around him and held him while we kissed. I felt dreamy. I felt like I was in a beautiful fairyland in which I could spend the entire summer.

We kissed awhile longer and then I felt Julien feeling my ‘vagina’ again. I felt his breasts and we lay like that for an hour or longer until I placed myself alongside Julien, lay my head on his chest and fell asleep while he gently rubbed my forehead.

Sometime later Julien shook me gently and said, “It’s a little after four. We should head back now.”

I stretched and we collected our things and began the walk home holding hands.

***

At dinner that night Jed asked us what we had done that day. “We hiked to the promontory,” Julien said.

“Yes, it’s such a nice view,” I said. “I really enjoyed it. This ranch is so neat!”

“Good. I’m glad you like it. You never know how city folk will react to our much slower pace of life out here away from civilization!”

“Tomorrow I’ll take Emile out on his first horseback ride,” Julien said.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?” Jed asked me.

“When I was here five years ago I did,” I said.

“Right, I remember. We put you on a horse and led you around the corral. This time you’ll really ride. Julien will give you Old Sally. She’s as docile a horse as you can find. Besides that she’s smart and she’ll follow Julien who’ll be riding Thunderbolt.”

“That sounds so exciting,” I said. “I can’t wait!”

After dinner Julien and I played a board game in his bedroom. I stepped back and looked at the two of us. We were two boys playing a game. I could find no hint of the sexual energy that had overwhelmed me during the day when I was dressed in the flouncy pink dress. Then, I had so enjoyed kissing Julien. Now, I felt no desire. I wondered if the same feelings were going on in his mind.

Out of curiosity I said, “This isn’t a time for kissing, right?”

Julien looked at me quizzically. “What we had this morning and afternoon – and I hope we have it all summer long – was Sapphic love. Boys can’t have Sapphic love so we have no need to kiss in the evenings.”

“Gotcha, that makes sense.”

“You’re not disappointed are you?”

“Oh, no, not at all. I was just thinking how different I feel now than I felt earlier.” It was an amazing fact that dressed as Emily I had a passionate desire to kiss Julien, but as Emile I had no desire.

***

The next day up in the attic getting ready for our horseback ride, Julien asked, “Would you like to move past your trainer bra?”

“Why, yeah. You mean I’m ready to get bigger?”

“I don’t see why not. You were quite perfect yesterday with the trainer bra so you might as well move on up today. Is B okay with you?”

“Sure, that would be great!” How wonderful it will be to get noticeable breasts. It would make me feel a bit more mature than I did yesterday.

“I’m back in my usual pink mood,” Julien said. “There’s plenty of pink so you can also wear pink if you want, but I was thinking you might want to try a different color. Specifically, what about black? Many women love black bras and panties.”

“Yeah that sounds great.” With Julien’s help I picked out a matching set of lacy black panties and a bra and put them on. He put on a lovely matching pink set.

“We can ride our horses either in dresses or jeans. Since this is your very first time riding I think we should wear jeans today because you’ll have more maneuverability to help you stay on the horse. If you do okay, then we can wear our dresses when we ride the next time.”

“Sounds great to me!”

We each picked out a tee shirt to wear and Julien found girls’ jeans for us to wear. Mine were black and his were blue. I got dressed alongside Julien. My panties, my bra, my B cup breast forms, my T shirt, and jeans. I marveled at how my chest was so much more ample than with the trainer bra. It made me feel many degrees more girlish.

When we were dressed as cowgirls – as Julien put it – my desire to kiss Julie returned. When he said that we should got to the barn to saddle up our horses I felt a bit disappointed. Starting the day with some smooching seemed like a good idea.

When we had descended the stairs Julien said, “Wait, have you ever experienced a cowgirl kiss?”

I laughed and said, “No. What’s a cowgirl kiss?”

“Let me show you.”

We sat on the sofa and as before Julien put his arm around me and pulled me in close to kiss. “This is how cowgirls kiss,” he said. I closed my eyes and entered a dreamland of happiness as Julien gently pressed his lips against mine and slowly and playfully entered his tongue into my mouth. I felt his free arm feeling my breasts and I felt his. After a long while we pulled back and sat silently.

“Now we’re ready to ride. When we get back we’ll have to do our post ride kissing,” Julien said.

“What about during the ride?” I asked.

Julien laughed. “Good idea. We’ll bring a picnic basket and a blanket and we’ll have a little midday cowgirl roll in the hay!”

***

Old Sally was as gentle as they came. That was lucky for me since I was terrified by the large size of the horse. It took gentle coaxing from Julien to get me into the saddle. I felt like I was a mile up in the air.

“You’re more city girl than cowgirl,” Julien said to me.

“Are you surprised?”

“No, I’m just teasing you. By the end of the summer you’ll be all cowgirl!”

I laughed but then felt a grain of sadness at the thought that this idyllic time with Julien had an expiration date. After that, what would I do?

We headed out on the two horses. Old Sally followed alongside Thunderbolt and Julien purposefully kept the pace to a slow walk. “Let me know if and when you feel more comfortable and we can pick up the pace a bit. Not a lot faster but a running walk which is a bit slower than a trot.”

“I trust you completely, Julien. I know you won’t terrify me!”

“I would never!”

We rode about three miles alongside a creek going in and out of small patches of trees. It was beautiful country and I loved the peace that descended over me and deep into my psyche. When we arrived at the pretty spot Julien was looking for, he set the horses to feed on the grass while we spread the blanket and had our lunch.

“Do you have a girlfriend back home?” Julien asked me.

“No.”

“You want one?”

I laughed. “Of course. I have my eye on a girl that I’d like to ask out on a date. That would be my first date but I’m shy and kind of scared to ask her.”

“I think girls would really like you. I do – one cowgirl to another!”

“Well you’re the first girl I ever went out with!” I said. “What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Sort of. There’s a girl I’m friendly with. Until I get my driver’s license it’s really hard to see her outside of school.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It’s so great that you’re here. It’s nice to have my girlfriend here for a long visit!”

We fell silent for a few minutes and then I said, “You know, Julien, I’ve been thinking, that as Emily I’m happy to be your girlfriend – I mean in the sense that you are your normal boy self.”

Julien laughed, “Actually I had a similar idea myself. You could be Emile and I’d love to be your girlfriend, Julie!”

“That’s really neat. We both think alike.”

“How about we have days where just one of us dresses up and is the girl and then we switch. We can also have days where we’re both girls.”

“I love that idea!” I said. “Tomorrow one of us can be a girl. Why don’t you decide and then the following day we’ll switch.”

“Brilliant, Emily! Tomorrow I’ll let you be the girl. Then I’ll be the girl and then the day after that we’ll both be girls!”

“Then we get to the weekend?”

“Then we both have to be boys. My dad will be here all weekend.”

“That’s a great plan!”

***

The next day Julien sent me up to the attic with instructions to wear any outfit I wanted. He waited for me downstairs while I was dressing myself. I had been pink and black and today I decided to be blue. I wore blue panties and a C cup blue bra. I was nervous about putting on pantyhose so I put on white tights. A fabulous light blue dress was in one of the closets. It had a starched skirt that flared outwards with a built-in petticoat, or at least that’s what I thought the inner layer was called. I put on blue heels, my wig, and put on some lipstick. I’m sure I didn’t do as good a job as Julien did but it was fun to try.

I came down the steps and Julien was waiting for me. “Oh my God how pretty!”

“Thank you,” I said.

“I love your dress, Emily,” Julien said.

“Thank you. I wanted to look pretty for you.”

“You succeeded. I’m so glad I asked you out. You know that as the prettiest girl in the class I was very nervous about …”

“Please, Julien. I’m not that kind of girl. Any boy is welcome to ask me out. I’m flattered by the attention. Of course, you’re the only boy I wanted to go out with.”

“Gosh, that’s great.”

“I’ve always wanted to date a real cowboy!”

Julien laughed, “And I love that a sophisticated city girl like you finds me attractive!”

“More than attractive, big boy!” I laughed. “You’ve got prairie written all over you!”

“I do, don’t I? I was raised on the prairie,” Julien laughed. “This is crazy silly, Emily! Let’s sit down and I’ll show you the real reason I wanted to date you!”

I sat on the sofa while spreading my skirts around me. Julien sat close to me and held me in his arms and we kissed. This was my first time kissing a boy. The girl within me powerfully accepted Julien’s kisses. I had amazing sensations of wanting to be taken by him. I wanted him to be strong and comfort me. Make me feel protected and loved. It was fascinating to be kissing Julien without his wig or makeup or dress. He was clearly a boy. He was wearing boy clothing consisting of a flannel shirt, blue jeans, and fancy boots.

When we paused our kiss I said, “Oh Julien, you’re a wonderful kisser!”

“Thank you, Emily. Out on the prairie I had a lot of time to learn how to kiss. Many of the critters came by to help me. Bunnies, gophers, horses …” I laughed uproariously and Julien kept on going. “The hardest to kiss were the buffalo. Big mouths …”

“Oh, yuck, Julien! That’s so silly! No one kisses buffaloes!”

“Now you tell me!”

As Julien forcefully resumed kissing me, he put his hand up inside my skirt and felt me up. “Oh, Julien!” I whispered when I had a chance. Julien’s hand probed my thighs and pretend vagina.

“You’re so hot Emily,” Julien said. His hand now found my chest and held my breasts. He even managed to fit his hand down the top of my dress and caress my nipples. My body vibrated with pleasure in ways which I had never known were possible. The only thing I knew for certain was that having Julien in control and taking pleasure from my body excited me more than anything I could remember. While being kissed and ravished by Julien, I let my hand run up inside Julien’s shirt. I felt his ribs and torso and caressed his bicep. I felt it harden to my touch.

Julien and I carried on like this for the greater part of the afternoon. Our frenzied, affectionate kissing and fondling was punctuated by a stroll outside, lunch and snack time. I felt like there wasn’t one part of my body that Julien hadn’t caressed and admired. I felt so beautiful. The moment I was restored to my boy self at the end of the afternoon the magic was gone.

***

That night I tossed and turned before I fell asleep. The thought of the boy role I’d have to take in the morning worried me. Could I summon up enough masculinity to make a convincing case as Julie’s boyfriend? I wondered what outfit he would be wearing when he came down the stairs. How would I react to it as a boy? The hard truth was that I didn’t want to be the boy. Being the boy was no way as much fun as being the girl. I hoped I didn’t disappoint Julien.

The next day I waited anxiously for Julien to descend the stairs. I was taken aback to see that he was wearing an elaborate, fanciful, late nineteenths century gown of various shades of light pink with flowers softly splayed throughout the dress. The back bulged out via a bustle. The low-cut bodice showed off Julie’s large chest. She was wearing a matching bonnet.

“What in the world?” I said.

“My sister was in a play once. This was her costume. Isn’t it the prettiest dress you ever saw?”

“I’m so jealous! What a wonderful dress to wear. I feel so underdressed.”

“You are but I forgive you.”

Julien was so formidable and imposing that I didn’t know where or how to touch her. Finally he asked, “Aren’t you going to invite me to sit down in your parlor?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Please have a seat.” I felt like I was with a real woman. I was out of her league. Julien sat patiently waiting for me to take the lead. In desperation to say something, I said, “Would you like to kiss?”

“Would I like to kiss, hmmm.”

I realized that Julie was not going to go off character. She was a lady. I’d have to step up and seize control. “I’m glad you’ve come to visit, Julie, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh my,” Julie said. “Don’t tell me that it’s what I think it is!”

“Yes, my dear Julie! If you will marry me I’ll make you the happiest woman in the world!”

“Oh, Emile! I will! I thought you’d never ask!”

“For joy!” I said.

“So, to answer your question, you may now kiss your future bride!”

“Oh my God, how delicious you look!”

I summoned up my courage and moved in to assert myself by holding Julien and initiating a kiss. Julien remained passive forcing me to initiate a tongue kiss for the first time. As we kissed I became flustered by the elaborate dress. My hands encountered obstacles at every turn. The skirts were floor length and as much as I tried to find a route for my hand into and under the dress it was blocked by various petticoats, the bustle, and other hidden undergarments. I did manage to feel Julien’s bust and she said, “You may look but not touch until you say ‘I do’ at the altar. I know men like you. You’ll say anything to get into my bloomers!”

I laughed. “I’d love to see your bloomers!”

“Naughty boy! You are too forward!”

Julien and I continued to develop our fantasy throughout the day. Gradually, Julien let me in on the secrets within her dress. The bustle was enormously fascinating. “Imagine the engineering that went into that!” I said, causing Julien to laugh.

“You’re hysterical, Emile,” Julien said.

At the end of the afternoon when Julien was getting undressed, I said, “I wish I could be dressed like that with you. Two formidable women together. That would be nice.”

“I don’t have another dress like this one, but I do have two princess dresses that will make us look like Cinderella at the ball!”

“Neato. When can we do that?”

“Next week we could do that. Tomorrow we’ll ride our horses to a river where we can swim.”

“Swim? That’s great! I love swimming.”

“About today and yesterday …” Julien said. His tone was serious.

“Yeah, that was interesting.”

“Which day did you prefer?”

“Yesterday.”

“And I liked today. You see what this means?”

“We both prefer being the girl?” I said.

“Yeah. I tried to be manly yesterday so that you could enjoy it.”

“I did the same today!”

“So we really shouldn’t do that game anymore.”

“Right. I think we both need to be girls. Then it’s so much fun for both of us. Sapphic love!”

“I agree. But …” Julien said.

“But if we were with some real guys then I wouldn’t mind being the girl.”

I laughed, “Neither would I.”

***

The next day Julien showed me his bathing suits. “I’ve got some one-piece suits and a few bikinis. Pick whatever one you want.”

“What kind do you prefer?”

“I can go either way. It just depends on my mood. Maybe you should start with a one-piece suit with a built-in bra. That way you can comfortably keep your breastforms in while swimming. The bikini tops can be a bit more challenging for keeping our breasts from falling out as we play in the water.”

“Okay, I’ll wear a one-piece,” I said. I chose an aquamarine bathing suit with large flowers on it.

“Put on your bathing suit and then jeans. It’s hot enough that we don’t need tee shirts.”

Naked, I put on my wig and then stepped into the bathing suit and pulled it up to my waist. Then I put each hand through the straps and adjusted the fit. The suit was designed for Julien’s sister’s D cup breasts so I put the large breastforms into the built in bra cups.

“Tuck your pee pee back,” Julien said, pointing to the slight bulge of my penis. I maneuvered by penis the way he suggested – back between my legs – and sure enough the front of my bathing suit now looked like how it would on a girl. “Good. It should stay put and if it should pop back you can readjust.”

“What bathing suit are you going to wear?”

“The pink bikini has always been my favorite!”

I watched Julien expertly put on the bikini and placed his breast forms in the bra. He put on his jeans and in front of the mirror I could see how the tops of our swimsuits acted to cover up our breasts in place of tee shirts. Julien looked particularly sexy with an exposed bra.

“You don’t need a tee shirt?” I asked him.

“No. I like the freedom of showing off my femininity – but there’s not likely to be anyone who sees us where we’re going.”

We packed a picnic lunch and headed to the river on our horses. I felt much more comfortable than I had on our first horse ride. Julien quickened the pace to a trot and I held on for dear life for a couple of miles until we arrived at the bank of a river.

“This is my favorite swimming spot,” Julien said.

“Is this part of your ranch?”

“No. We’re on public land alongside the river. There’s no road leading here and we’re a few miles from any of the other ranches or farms.”

We spread out the blanket and I followed Julien’s lead in stripping down to just our bathing suits. We lay down side by side enjoying the warmth of the sun. Glancing over at Julien and toward my feet, I was struck by the perfect image of two rather buxom girls sunbathing together. Pulses of happiness ran through me. I impulsively leaned over Julien and began kissing him. He kissed me back and held me in his arms.

“What brough that on?” Julien asked me.

I laughed. You know that I love kissing Julie!”

“You’re such an affectionate girl. I love that about you. I’m the same way. It’s a big part of Sapphic love.”

“I think we’re perfect together!”

“I agree! Now we need to swim before lunch. Follow me into the water!”

Julien got up and ran to the water. He ran like a girl with his hips swaying and his arms bent outwards at his elbows. I ran behind him imitating him. He didn’t stop at the shoreline and jumped in feet first. I followed him. The moment I hit the water I screamed at how cold it was. Julien laughed at my distress and came over and wrapped his arms around me as we treaded water.

“My poor dear is so cold!”

“You should have warned me!”

“You never would have jumped in if I told you how cold it is!”

“I can’t imagine I’ll ever be able to go into it again!”

“In another minute you’ll be acclimated. Then it’ll feel great to be swimming!”

Julien was right. After a few minutes, the water felt fine and he and I frolicked together. On the far side of the river was a sandbank that we swam to and stood on. The water was crystal clear. Julien said there were trout in the river and I shouldn’t step on them. It took me a minute to realize he was joking. When we grew tired we climbed out of the river and lay down on the blanket. I brushed my wet hair off of my eyes and gazed up at the beautiful big sky. Some white clouds moved past slowly. I felt a love for Julien in my heart. It was Sapphic love. One girl to another. His hand found mine and we held hands together. I guessed he was feeling the same as me.

We had our lunch and then smooched a little. It was wonderful how playful we were. Having pretty and curvaceous bodies in our bathing suits was a catalyst for feeling good about ourselves, feeling good about being intimate with another person. All Sapphic softness and sweetness.

When it was time to leave we were putting on our jeans when two boys rode up to us on horses. They looked like they were a year or two older than us. They were wearing cowboy hats, jeans and boots and had boyish good looks. After dismounting they came up to us.

“You swim over here?” one of the boys asked. He had short brown hair in a crew cut and was wearing a Grateful Dead tee shirt.

“Yeah,” Julien said in a femininized version of his voice. I had the feeling that he had formulated this voice specially for occasions like this. As a precaution I figured that I should try and not speak, and if I had to, I’d try and imitate what Julien was doing but I didn’t know if I’d succeed.

“I didn’t know you can swim in the river.”

“It’s cold,” Julien said, “but so refreshing.”

“I’m Ben, and that’s Joe,” the boy said pointing to his friend. He had long black hair and was wearing a wife beater. I could see that he must work out. His arms and shoulders were muscular.

“Hey,” Joe said.

“I’m Julie and this is Emily,” Julien said. “Where do you boys come from?”

“We’re spending three weeks at my stepmom’s vacation home. We live in Boulder Colorado. Where are you girls from?”

“I live nearby here on a ranch. This is my cousin from back east. She’s here visiting for the summer.”

With Joe and I mostly listening, Ben and Julien talked about the horses, about Montana, about schools, and about where they lived. I projected shyness to reduce the need to talk. I’d need a crash course from Julien on how to speak convincingly like a girl. When I had to speak I made an effort to aspirate which made me sound somewhat feminine. To my delight the boys didn’t show any signs of questioning if Julien or me were girls.

When Julien said we had to leave, Ben asked, “When are we going to see you girls again?”

“I don’t know,” Julien said. “Next time we swim again or go for a ride out here.”

“We’ll keep a lookout for you two,” Ben said.

“How about on Tuesday we could meet here?” Joe said, obviously not accepting Ben’s vagueness.

“What do you say Emily?” Julien asked. “Should we meet with the boys on Tuesday?”

I laughed and blushed. I knew that Julien would definitely want to see them. It would open the door to an adventure. “I think it would be lovely, Julie. As long as the boys behave!”

Ben and Joe laughed. “Oh you can count on us behaving!”

***

While we rode back to the ranch, Julien said, “I liked Ben.”

I laughed. “You mean you’re putting your dibs on him?”

Julien laughed. “I guess so. Do you like Joe?”

“Yes, luckily I do prefer Joe. He’s shyer, more like me than Ben. He’s a bit intimidating since it looks like he works out.”

“I’m sure that you’re going to love his muscles!”

“So I supposed Tuesday is like a double date?”

“Yeah. Of course we don’t know if Ben prefers me to you and Joe prefers you to me. We’ll find that out on Tuesday.”

I wondered why we even had to divide into couples. Then it occurred to me that Julien was probably thinking about wanting to make out with Ben. Wow, I hadn’t gotten that far in my thinking. I guess I would enjoy having Joe wanting to kiss me. It would be flattering and maybe fun. But I’d have to make sure he didn’t get inside my bra and panties!

***

After a fun weekend in which Jed took us to the county fair, Monday arrived with both Julien and I eager to play dress-ups.

“What will we wear today?” I asked Julien.

“Let’s go with my favorite outfit of all. I love feeling like a princess and fortunately my sisters both went through a princess phase. That’s when they bought pretty ball gowns. I’m talking pretty! Two of them are pink since each sister went through a pink phase also. Thank goodness!”

“It’s so amazing how you were able to get all their old clothes.”

Julien laughed, “It wasn’t so hard. I was the official gatherer for the local clothes charity. My dad and sisters were happy for me to take their discarded clothing down to the church for collection. Except, I just brought the clothes up to the attic.”

“Aren’t you afraid that they’ll come up here and see the clothes?”

“My dad thinks the only thing up here are my toys. My old train set. He always has more important things to do than climb up here for no reason.”

It seemed precarious to me, but I had to trust that Julien knew what he was doing. Julien opened a cabinet he hadn’t opened before and took out two unbelievably pretty pink dresses. There were both different and similar. Similar cascading lace and ribbons, but the designs were different. The bodices were intensely feminine and sized to fit his sisters large breasts.

“Oh my God, Julien! These are the prettiest dresses I’ve ever seen!”

“Wait until you wear one. You’re going to feel transported to a realm that only feminine girls can go to!”

“Which one should I take?”

“It hardly matters.”

I looked over the two dresses and it was impossible to decide one was better than the other. “I’ll take this one,” I said.

“We both need pink panties, pink bras – D cup, and stockings.”

“I haven’t worn stockings before. How do we hold them up?” I asked.

“Well, it’s tine you learned! We can either use a garter belt, a girdle, or a bodysuit if it has garters. The girdle can be either open bottom or a panty girdle.”

As I listened to Julien my jaw dropped in amazement. “All those choices? I don’t even know what they are!”

“Surely you know what a girdle is?”

“I guess it’s like shorts?”

Julien laughed. “Let’s start with a panty girdle.” Julien fetched one in pink lace and held it up for me. You see that it’s like a full coverage panty but notice how the fabric is stronger and elastic. It’s meant to hold in your shape. These little dangly things are the garters that hold up your stockings.”

“Wait, but what shape is the panty girdle holding?”

“For some women, their shape changes as they get older. The panty girdle can restore their figure to the way they were when they were younger. Narrow waist, curvy butt, flat tummy.”

“I guess another really clever thing that women know about. You know some of my dad’s friends have beer bellies. I never heard of men trying to wear a girdle to flatten their belly.”

Julien laughed. “You raise a great point. For whatever reason it’s women who worry more about their figure than men. I guess it’s unfair. I’ll ask my dad about it. In any event, even though panty girdles might have a job to do in creating a shape they also can be quite pretty like this one and they’re helpful in keeping stockings up.”

“I’m sold on panty girdles!”

“Before you get completely sold there are also open bottom girdles like this one” Julien handed me a pink open bottom girdle. It had a front panel of shiny pink material surrounded by lace.

“Open bottom girdles also give ladies a nice figure?”

“Yes, they do. They have the advantage of being open at the bottom,” Julien said.

“Advantage?”

“If you want access to …”

“Oh, wow, I see. It would certainly help a boy if he wanted to touch there.”

“Exactly.”

“What are the other choices?”

“A body suit is like a one-piece bathing suit but also designed to give a woman a nice smooth figure. Garter belts only hold up stockings. They don’t shape a lady.”

“So which one should I choose? Actually, I’d like to go with the panty girdle. It’s so pretty I feel compelled to want to wear it.”

“Good. I’ll wear the open bottom girdle. I like them. My sisters like the panty girdles more than the open bottom. I’ve often fantasized about using my allowance to buy some more open bottom girdles, but it’s a bit tricky since my dad might be here when the package arrives.”

Julien found stockings for the two of us. I put on the panty girdle and then the stockings. Julien showed me how the garters worked. I discovered that they’re pretty simple to use once you know how they’re supposed to work.

“These garters are so clever. How come so much of women’s clothing is clever. I mean even the bra knows how to comfortably hold my breasts. My shoulders don’t get tired; the band is never too tight or moves around. I mean they’re so well designed.”

Julien laughed. “I know this will freak you out, but did you notice that your bra has underwire?”

“Underwire?”

Julien had me feel the wire supporting my bra cups. “Holy cow, that’s unbelievably well thought out.”

“You ought to become a clothing engineer,” Julien said and laughed.

“It seems like all the good stuff has already been invented.”

“True, but you might make a breakthrough.”

“What needs fixing?”

“You’ll have to ask some girls.”

I laughed. “So I say to a girl in my class, is there anything I can do to improve your bra or your girdle?”

Julien laughed. “Please let me know what happens when you ask a girl that. Enough with the joking around. We can put our dresses on. I’ll zip you up. You zip me up.”

When the dresses were on Julien took two pink crinolines out of an armoire and gave me one.

“This is to puff out the skirt of my dress?”

“Exactly. If you really want to look like a princess you need a crinoline! Just step into it and move it under your skirt to your waist.”

The two boys had been studying makeup videos for the last few days and they used the techniques they had learned to dress up their faces. They slipped on pink heels and. carefully looked themselves over in the mirror. It would be impossible to decide which of the two boys was prettier or more feminine. They were like matching bookends.

“I think we’ve outdone ourselves,” Julien said. “Our makeup is decidedly better.”

I was awestruck as I gazed upon myself. From what I saw in the mirror I couldn’t imagine how I ever thought of myself as being a boy. It was as if I had stepped out of a fairytale. I was Cinderella at the ball. I felt a tear of happiness leaking from the corner of my eye. I owed a big debt to Julien for unlocking my true self – to allowing it to see the light of day.

“Come on Emily. The ball awaits! I hear a waltz playing!”

We descended the stairs to the living room. Julien put a CD of Waltz music on the stereo. “Do you know how to waltz?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“I’ll teach you. It’s easy.”

Julien patiently showed me how to do the step. He held my waist and hand while I rested my free hand on his shoulder. Then we were off dancing around the room. Two girls with beautiful princess dresses twirling and swaying. Our crinolines gliding along at the edges of our skirts. We got our phones and made a number of selfies. These would be the best pictures of the entire summer. We could never be more like two pretty girls than we were at this moment.

Julien was leading me back to the dance floor when I said, “Can’t we kiss a little? I really want to kiss you!”

Julien laughed, “I’m sorry Emily. You’re right. We should do a little necking before dancing again.”

Sitting side by side on the sofa we had to laugh at the marvelous confusion of our dresses and crinolines bunching up against each other. We were a cloud of pink taffeta. Somehow our lips found each other’s and we kissed and fondled each other until we heard a knock on the front door. I froze in fear, but Julien said, “Wait here. Let me see whom it is.”

From where I sat on the sofa I heard the door open and a man’s voice saying, “This is heavy, where would you like it?”

“The living room is fine, thank you,” Julien said.

I watched as a delivery man wearing a tan uniform carefully placed a long carton onto the living room floor. When he stood up he said, “Aren’t you two dressed for the ball!”

Julien laughed and I joined him. “We like to pretend we’re Cinderella.”

“All you need is a couple of princes!” the man said as he was leaving.

“If you know of any here in Montana send them to us!” Julien called after the man and closed the door.

He sat back down next to me and we had a great laugh. “See, my pretty Emily,” Julien said. “We’re girls. There’s no doubt about it!”

***

It was especially hard to change out of our princess costumes in the afternoon. But that was a fact of life I’d just have to get used to. I could never be a princess all the time. Only when the opportunity arose. In any event, I had more important concerns to worry about. The next day Julien and I were going to meet up with Ben and Joe. How that would enfold remained a source of anxiety for me. If I were alone with Joe what would that be like?

Since we met the boys Julien helped me to discover my girl voice. The main thing was to get close enough to a female sound so that my speaking would not raise any questions. I adjusted my pitch upwards, and with Julien’s help got my voice to resonate more in the head than in the chest. I added a breathiness in imitation of females and learned how to vary the tone and cadence of my speech. It was a fun learning experience and I prayed it would be good enough for Ben and Joe to not be suspicious.

***

Tuesday morning Julien and I were occupied with deciding what outfits we should wear. We both agreed that we should wear skirts – the more feminine we were, the more likely Ben and Joe would be captivated by us.

“The one risk with skirts is that we have to be quick in stopping those boys from exploring inside them,” Julien said.

“You mean all that will be separating our vaginas from their exploring fingers is our panties?”

“Yes,” Julien said, and then after a few seconds added, “but, we could have much better protection if we wear panty girdles. As you know they’re more substantial than panties. I have some without garters. They’ll be perfect for us!”

“Great idea. Then even if they manage to try to feel up inside our skirts they’d encounter the formidable fabric of our panty girdles! Aren’t we clever!”

After going through Julien’s clothing choices I ended up wearing a cute beige skirt, a slightly too small white top that showed off my D cup breasts, a white panty girdle, white ankle socks and sneakers. Julien had a light blue top and dark blue skirt with light blue socks and sneakers.

We packed a picnic, a couple of blankets and headed off on our adventure. It was exciting and a bit scary as my imagination went wild with all the possible outcomes of our meeting up with boys. I convinced myself that even if I were disappointed with Joe at least I’d have a pleasurable horseback ride.

***

As we rode to the river I thought about how much I loved my Sapphic idylls with Julien. That didn’t preclude also finding pleasure in dating real boys – especially because I’d be the girl. Whether kissing Julien the girl or Julien the boy, I loved either one in my female role. Kissing a boy like Joe who only wanted to be a boy would add a new dimension to my experience – but not one that I was in danger of not enjoying.

I suspected that if Joe and I were to advance to the point where he wanted to kiss me, it would have the simultaneous effect of heightening my feelings of femininity. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? The more I kissed a boy the more I felt like a girl. It seemed like a win-win situation. On the other hand, I could be naïve. There was so much I didn’t know about boys and about being a girl.

We arrived at the river and set up our two blankets. Enough room for the four of us to lay comfortably together. It wasn’t long before Ben and Joe rode up. They looked well-scrubbed like they had made an attempt at looking their best. They were both wearing blue jeans and nice shirts. I don’t know how it happened, but it must have been planned by the boys, but I found myself sitting next to Joe on one blanket while Julien was next to Ben on the other.

There was an electricity in the air. What is it about the close proximity of someone that you might end up kissing for the first time that creates a feeling like no other? My heart was pounding as Joe and I exchanged some chit chat. If I thought I was nervous and tongue-tied I certainly felt that Joe was the same way. The one lucky thing for me was that since I was the girl it wouldn’t be expected that I’d initiate our first kiss. That was totally up to Joe. It would be his problem.

I wondered when Joe would make his move. Obviously, we had just met, but the summer was short and we both knew that time was of the essence. If we were going to have this experience it would have to begin today because it would be over before we knew it. Ben and Julien were deep in conversation and Joe said, “Let’s walk down to the river.”

“Good idea,” I said.

Joe stood up and held my hand to help me get up. It was important to keep my legs together as I got up and Joe’s hand was very helpful in allowing me to keep my skirt close to my thighs. We walked side by side to the water. I turned back to look at Julien and I saw him give me a thumbs up sign. There was no doubt in my mind that he and Ben were going to take advantage of their privacy to make out.

Joe said he was thirteen. About three inches taller than me, with shoulders much wider than my own. His arms dwarfed mine in musculature. “You look so pretty today,” Joe said.

“Thank you.” I wanted to tell him that he was handsome but held my tongue. I wasn’t sure that that was the kind of thing a girl would say so soon in a relationship. “Are you on a sports team?” I asked him.

“Yes. The wrestling team. So you see that I work out a lot.”

I laughed, “Yes Joe. I certainly can see that.”

Joe smiled. He was now in a good place. He obviously was happy that I appreciated his athleticism.

“You must be very strong,” I said.

Joe was beaming. He was eating this up. “To win at wrestling it’s important to be strong. Strength is a big part of it, but so is technique, agility, speed.”

“Do you have to think while wrestling?”

“Oh, definitely. I should have mentioned that. Strategy is very important. Knowing who you’re wrestling.”

“It’s great that you have a real interest in something.”

“What are your interests?” Joe asked me.

“Good question. Right now I like many things but haven’t singled out one that I’m passionate about. Who knows I might even develop a passion for wrestling.”

“If you’re serious I could show you how to wrestle. Then you’d know if you like it or not.”

“I’d like that,” I said.

“Here, let me get the blanket and we can try a few moves.”

Joe went back to where the blankets were. I could see in the distance that Ben and Julien seemed to be lying very close to each other. When Joe took the blanket they barely stirred. Joe came back and we walked along the riverbank away from Baen and Julien to a nice grassy spot and set out the blanket.

“Are you sure you’d like me to teach you a few moves?” Joe said nervously.

I marveled at the fact that such a strong boy was obviously intimidated by my femininity. “Yes, Joe. It’ll be fun.”

“I’ll have to hold you a bit.”

I laughed. “I bet wrestling someone without touching them is hard to do.”

Joe laughed. “Right, duh! So the first thing is the starting position. We’ll do one in which you’re the bottom and I’m on top.”

“Okay.”

“So, get on your hands and knees.”

I lowered myself to my hands and knees. Joe adjusted my position, spreading my legs slightly outwards, placing my hands along the direction of my legs. Leaning back more onto my heels. He then crouched over me. One arm encircled my waist just below my bra. I felt his warmth and most notably his strength. He was hard bodied and seemed so much larger than me.

“This is how we start. The referee blows the whistle. We’ll count to three and imagine the whistle. I’m going to try and pin you down. Your goal to is make sure I can’t flip you onto your back.”

“This is fun!” I said.

“Okay. One, two, three!”

I felt Joe pick me up and flip me onto my back and then fall on top of me, with his face inches from mine. “You’re supposed to stop me from flipping you.”

“I tried, but you’re so much stronger than me!”

Joe laughed. “I’m teasing you. I shouldn’t be wrestling girls.”

I noticed that Joe wasn’t making a move to get off of me and I was glad that he wasn’t. It was nice being held down to the ground like this. Suddenly our eyes met from inches away. Once again my heart was pounding. “Gosh, I don’t think I’ll be able to beat you in wrestling,” I said.

“Pinning me down. Right, that will be tough for you, but you shouldn’t feel bad about it.”

We both laughed. I was hoping that Joe would kiss me and then he impulsively moved his lips on mine and began kissing. My emotions were all over the place. Kissing a real boy turned me into a real girl within my own mind. The sense of Joe’s passion to kiss me sent my heart fluttering. His power and the thought of my relatively delicate body inflamed my passion. I waited for his tongue to enter my mouth. After a minute or two he stopped the kiss and looked hard into my eyes. I assumed he was looking for permission to keep on the path he had begun. My eyes tried to be as encouraging as they could be.

Joe moved his lips back to mine and then he seemed to push down harder onto me with his body and his tongue entered my mouth. I think I was near to swooning. While I had loved tongue kissing Julien, Joe’s overwhelming power over me added to the thrill of kissing. Once again I was finding out more about myself than I knew.

We kissed like this for a while and then I felt Joe’s hand feeling my breasts through my blouse. I had already decided that was okay. I’d let him. But I wouldn’t let him inside my blouse and definitely not inside my skirt – panty girdle or no panty girdle. While we continued to kiss I placed my hand gently on Joe’s arm curious to get a sense of his strength. I felt him tense up a bit and my fingers found the bulge of his bicep. It was like granite.

I broke off the kiss and said, “Is that muscle or a rock?”

Joe laughed. “Like I said, if you want to win at wrestling …Do my muscles bother you?”

“You’re not serious,” I said. “I find them sexy. I love your physique.”

“And I love your curves!”

We kissed some more, then chatted a bit, kissed some more. That went on for more than an hour. I wondered what Julien and Ben were up to. I figured Julien would call for me when it was time to leave.

After a while I heard Julien shout, “One more hour, Emily!”

“Okay,” I shouted back.

“You have to leave in an hour?” Joe asked.

“Yes. Julie and I have to be back before dinner at the ranch. Her dad is quite strict about that,” I lied.

“Oh, okay. I hope I see you again.”

“Yes this has been pleasant,” I said laughing.

I looked at Joe’s face and saw that he was grimacing. “Is there something the matter. You look like you’re suffering.”

“Well maybe but I shouldn’t tell you about that.”

“About what?”

“No, Emily, it’s okay.”

“I don’t want you suffering. What’s going on?”

“It’s just that you know that when boys kiss a lot, after a while …”

“After a while what?”

“They get a pain.”

“A pain? Where?”

Joe laughed. “I can’t say.”

“What kind of pain, Joe. I’m worried. Tell me.”

“Look, Emily. My private part. You know. It hurts if it gets excited for a long period and doesn’t release.”

“Really. I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, it’s called …”

“Called what?”

“I feel like I’m corrupting you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Joe. We’re only talking biology!”

“It’s called blue balls. My balls ache from being excited but not releasing.”

“Wow, how interesting. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I have to release to fix the problem.”

“Release?”

“You know, have an orgasm.”

“Oh, like when boys masturbate?”

“Yes. That’s if I do it myself.”

I thought about what Joe was saying. Then I realized with excitement that I could offer to help him release. For reasons I couldn’t grasp I knew that I wanted to experience this with Joe. It would bring us closer together. That was sure.

“Can I do it for you? Use my hand instead of yours. Would you like that?”

“You would be willing to do that? Truly?” Joe said. I thought he was going to cry.

“Sure. It sounds like it would be fun. If it gives you pleasure then that seems like a nice thing.”

“Okay then. You’re sure?”

“Yes. What do I have to do?”

Joe unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants, and pulled them down exposing his boxers. “I’ll pull down my underwear. Then you can hold my penis and then you just have to slide your hand along it. Up and back until I squirt my semen. That’s the release.”

“That doesn’t seem too hard,” I said. I reached my hand down Joe’s stomach and his hand gently took mine and placed it on top of his penis. It was kind of soft. I heard Joe lubricating his penis. “Now just slide your hand. The underside is the sensitive part.” Of course I knew some of this from my own biology. I had been having some signs of feeling down there of late, but it hadn’t yet blossomed into a full-blown understanding of what my penis was capable of.

While Joe’s penis might have started out soft, the moment I encircled it with my fingers I felt it doubling, then trebling in size. Joe moaned in pleasure. As I began moving my hand Joe squirmed and jerked in response. He panted and made freaky sounds. I hadn’t moved my hand more than a few times up and back feeling the remarkable hard/softness and large girth of his organ when he shrieked “Oh, God,” I felt his penis turn into a solid rod and then it spasmed like crazy. I looked down in time to see a few squirts of white viscous sperm flying around onto Joe’s belly and shirt. As fast as his penis had solidified, it melted and collapsed in my hand. While Joe gasped trying to get his breath I thought that what I had done was easy as pie. It seemed like two seconds of my effort gave Joe an experience he was unlikely to forget.

“Oh my God, Emily. You cured my blue balls!”

“I’m so very happy I could be of service. It was nice to hear you gasp in pleasure, though I must admit I was also a bit worried if I was hurting you.”

Joe laughed. “Oh God no. The pleasure was so intense my body couldn’t contain it causing me to react so violently. All that kissing had its effect on me!”

“I’m so happy you like that. It was fun.”

“You’re an amazing girl, Emily. So levelheaded.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that instead of tuning out my blue balls you were willing to help find a solution to the problem.”

“I guess I’m a natural born engineer.”

Joe and I laughed. I hoped that I’d see Joe again soon. I rather liked giving him pleasure. It would be fun to touch his penis again. Maybe this time he’d be less stressed out and I could explore more fully what was going on down there.

***

On the way back home Julien asked me, “I heard Joe yell. What was that about?”

“That must have been when I was helping him with his pain.”

“What pain? What are you talking about?”

“We had been kissing for a long time. He seemed to really like fondling my breasts …”

Julien laughed. “Whether feeling them or having them boys like breasts!”

“I like the fact that he was so into feeling me up. Of course only on the outside of my blouse.”

“So what happened?”

“Right, so then he told me that he had a pain down there. It comes from a lot of kissing and pent-up desire.”

“Blue balls?”

“Yeah, that’s what he called it. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help him and he said I could rub on his penis.”

“And you did?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty easy to do. It’s warm and it was amazing how fast it went from soft to hard when I touched it.”

“Holy cow, Emily! As much as Ben and I made out we never got to a point where I’d reach inside his jeans!”

“I liked Joe and I didn’t like the thought of him being in pain.”

“So what happened when you touched it?”

“When it became hard it also grew amazingly long. I just had to slide my hand up and back along it. I only went up and back a few times and then that’s when Joe screamed and all this white stuff came out all over his tummy. It was pretty amazing.”

“I bet Ben had blue balls also but was too shy to speak up about it.”

“Probably, I guess. I think it’s a nice thing that girls can do for a boy – I mean a nice and considerate boy like Joe. It wouldn’t have been fun if he had demanded I do it!”

We rode on awhile longer and I asked Julien, “When we kiss as Emily and Julie, we touch each other’s vaginas right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well maybe we could put our hands, you know inside of our panties. Then we could maybe experience what Joe was feeling.”

“That’s a good idea. We’re going to see the boys again on Thursday. That’ll give us tomorrow and Wednesday to be Emily and Julie. We could see what happens when we touch each other’s vagina!”

***

That night we talked about Ben and Joe. “Ben lives 700 miles from here,” Julien said. “It’s too bad since we really hit it off. We have many interests in common. It would be nice if he and I could be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t he eventually find out your secret?”

“Yes, that’s undeniably a problem. I get so convinced I’m a girl I forget that I have a penis!”

“When you grow up will you try and be a woman?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t foresee not wanting to be pretty, to not wanting to wear pretty clothes. What about you?”

“I’ve only been wearing girl clothes for a week, but I’m sure it’s who I am. I mean I prefer thinking of myself as being a girl. That seems so much more natural to me than being a boy. As a boy, like last weekend, I spend my time waiting to be a girl again. If I’m a girl I don’t spend my time waiting to be a boy.”

“What’s going to happen to you when you go home?”

“I wish I knew. My dad says that there’s encouraging news for my mom. The doctors are becoming optimistic that her cancer responds to their new drug. He said it’s too soon to celebrate but we could at least worry less than we were. I think I’ll confide in my mom that I’m a girl when I get back. She might like having a daughter. I would love to make her happy like that.”

“You’re a wonderful person, Emile,” Julien said. A moment later he laughed. “I was thinking of what would happen if I showed up at my mom’s place in Hawaii as a girl. It would be pretty funny.”

***

The next day by popular demand Julien and I dressed in princess dresses. This time we both wore garter belts to hold up our stockings. As Julien reminded me, this was the best way to give each other access to our vaginas. It would be quite a battle to get our hands up inside a panty girdle or a bodysuit! Even an open bottom girdle had it’s obstacles.

I knew that Julien was a tad envious of my having touched Joe’s penis. If Ben had held back from telling him about his blue balls, Julien would have to shame him for having done that. In any event, Julien was eager for us to begin making out so he could feel me up inside my panties. I looked forward to feeling him up. My experience with Joe had piqued my curiosity to get to know all aspects of what was involved in caressing a boys penis – actually in this case a boy’s pretend vagina!

I lay back on the sofa while Julien put his arm around my shoulder and began kissing me. Almost immediately we were tongue kissing, my eyes closed and I entered that special world of Sapphic love that I had become so fond of. I felt Julien’s hand on my leg and then working its way up inside my crinoline to land on the top of my panty. Julien gently squeezed my vagina and then cupped it with his hand. His fingers curled around my panty, pushed it to one side, and then took my member in his hand – which responded in a similar but less enormous way than Joe’s had to my touch.

Julien was clearly quite taken with what he was doing. I supposed it was further solidifying his acceptance of his girl persona. As a girl, he loved the freedom to enjoy fondling a boy’s penis. I must admit that there was no lack of pleasure for me in what Julien was doing. His hand was taking advantage of my rigidness to feel its full extent, besides take side excursion to gently caress my testicles.

Momentarily distracted by the pleasure I was feeling I realized that Julien was missing out on receiving the same good feelings. Now I worked my hand into a similar position within his panties until I encountered his shaft. It was already extended – by no means as full and manly as Joe’s but nonetheless it was an object that could be mistaken for no other. Now I imitated what I had done with Joe and in short order I could tell that I was causing a reaction in Julien. I wondered if he would also make the loud bleating sound that Joe had made. In fact, I was fairly ignorant of the steps involved in adolescent male development so I didn’t know where Julien, or myself for that matter, were on the spectrum. Somewhere behind Joe, that was for sure.

At some point a couple of minutes later I felt Julien’s body stiffen, his ‘vagina’ seemed to vibrate in my hand and then he relaxed and he removed his hand from my panties and sat up next to me.

“WowWee, I’m not totally certain what that was,” Julien said, “but it was sure neat.”

I laughed. “It was sort of like Joe’s experience. I have to admit that I like giving pleasure.”

“What about receiving it?”

“Yes, oh yes. I loved what you were doing with your hand, Julie. I hope we can continue. In fact, it would be nice to do this every day, except the days that we see Ben and Joe!”

***

When we next saw Ben and Joe, the two boys were clearly anxious to make out with us. We expected that Joe had confided in Ben what had caused him to yell. In that case, Ben would be fixated on having Julien give him the same pleasure. Of course, since we had seen the boys, Julien had had plenty of practice on me, so he had a pretty good idea of what he was in for. For myself, between Joe’s larger version of Julien’s, I was content to help out either of them enjoy their day.

When Joe and I were kissing again at the first break I said, “Joe, if you’d like me to touch you down there I’m happy to do so. I mean you don’t have to wait until you’re in pain.”

“Oh my God, Emily, you’re the greatest! The thing is I’d love for you to touch me, but I want to keep on enjoying kissing you.”

“Why can’t we still kiss?” I asked.

“If I end up – you know – climaxing then we can’t kiss. At least for a while.”

I was going to ask why but then decided that it must have to do with needing some rest after Joe’s penis convulsed.

“How about you push my hand away when you think that you’re going to climax.”

“I guess we could try that.”

“Great!”

I helped Joe lower his jeans and underwear and then gingerly touched his penis. It expanded immediately as it had the first time. This time I merely held it without moving my hand. It was interesting to feel his penis pulsing over and over again like a trapped animal pushing against its cage. Joe was now moaning quietly while we kissed. His hand was alternately holding my breasts or gently fondling them. He and I were content to keep the status quo for quite some time. Every so often I felt along Joe’s shaft. The tip was wet and got wetter the longer we stayed in this position. At one point I sneaked my hand onto his testicles and decided they were much larger than Julien’s. I supposed without being certain that they contained some of the fluid that would shoot out if Joe got excited enough.

I was a bit surprised when we reached a point where Joe said that he’s getting blue balls again and that I had better finish him off. I liked the feeling of power I had over Joe. I was the one to finish him off! A wonderful power to use as I wanted. I began stroking his penis slowly using the moisture at the top to lubricate. It didn’t take me long to realize that Joe was in a state of utter tension expecting that at any instant he’d be over the edge. That seemed like an incentive for me to slow down. Joe’s legs began to vibrate and then his torso. He started to make faint pleading sounds as if he were my close relative begging me to euthanize him. As a girl I was thrilled by how much power I had over this much more powerful boy. A girl’s pretty face, breasts, and a vagina dolled up in feminine clothes were as potent as any force of nature!

“Okay, my sweet Joe,” I said. “I’m going to take you out of your misery. I gripped his penis harder and slid it rhythmically up and down, up and down several times as I felt his body blowing up with tension until all of a sudden he let out a deafening bleat right into my ear and his whole body shuddered and spasmed. His effluent went flying everywhere.

“Oh, God, oh God,” he panted furiously trying to recover his breath.

“I suppose that went well,” I said causing Joe to laugh.

When he had calmed a bit he said, “Are you sure that I can’t touch you. Whatever you’d like.”

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I’m a bit prudish when it comes to me. My mom knocked into my head the need to go very slowly with boys.” The moment I said that I realized the silliness of my made-up story. How was holding onto Joe’s penis on our first two dates ‘going slowly’?

When we rejoined Ben and Julien, Ben said, “What in the world was that screech?”

Joe laughed. “It was an owl. We heard it too.”

Ben and Joe had just one more week in Montana. We set up some times to meet them and we departed heading back to our homes.

I looked at Julien wondering if he had done what he had wanted to do with Ben. He turned to look at me and from the smile on his face I knew that he had.

“I never heard Ben scream,” I said.

“He’s a silent screamer. He doesn’t like attracting attention to himself. When I volunteered to help him relieve his tension he was only too glad. I have to admit it was kind of shocking to hold his big … you know what.”

“Penis. I think we’re allowed to say penis,” I said.

“I wonder how girls ever can fit that inside themselves.”

“Yeah, it must be kind of scary.”

***

After Ben and Joe left for Colorado Julien and I had a month alone together during the weekdays. We found endless amusement in our dress-up game and especially in our Sapphic love. Over time we became adept at pleasuring each other’s pretend vaginas. As two girls we developed as deep a love for each other as any two people were capable of. If I had had my druthers I’d stay on with Julien for the rest of my life. I’m sure he fantasized scenarios by which he’d be able to join me where I lived. Unfortunately, no future other than the one in which I headed home and Julien returned to school was possible.

While I was sad for the impending separation from Julien, I was equally sad for my separation from his vast array of pretty clothes. In his dresses, his underwear and everything else I felt like myself. In boy clothing each evening and weekend I felt uncomfortable – like I was missing something. I spent countless hours planning how I’d buy pretty clothes back home, though my schemes were more than likely unrealistic. Julien offered to give me one girl outfit to take with me, but there was no safe way to carry it in my suitcase and hide it when I got home.

***

I shouldn’t dwell on my final week, final day, final hour, and final minute with my beautiful Julie. We both cried so much, Jed became exasperated with how to deal with two hysterical boys. The one saving grace was the hope that I’d come back the next summer to visit Julien again. Before I parted Julien gave me a pearl bracelet – formerly worn by one of his sisters - symbolizing our love for each other. I intend to put it on my wrist whenever I wear a long-sleeved shirt.

***

Epilogue

When I got home I was relieved to find my mom doing well enough to resume her normal life. I hugged her, I did everything I could to help her. Now I felt like I was secretly her daughter. I also decided that I now understood life from the point of view of girls. One way or another I needed to let my mom know that she could depend on me being another girl in the family – so she wasn’t alone!

“What’s come over you?” my mom asked after I had been especially sweet to her.

“I missed you mom. I prayed for you.”

“You are a dear, but you do seem a bit different. More affectionate? You’re taking more interest in me than you did. Is it because I was sick?”

“No, not exactly.”

“Tell me what happened in Montana.”

“It was all good.”

“I can see that. I’m curious what causes a boy to become so sweet to his old mom?”

“I realized that you’re a woman.”

Mom laughed. “You figured that out did you? Is there something that happened between you and Julien?”

“I’m afraid you’ll …”

“Tell me. Whatever it is I’ll understand. Okay?”

I debated if I should confide in my mother and then decided that I should take the leap and hope for the best.

“Okay, mom. I discovered this summer that I’m really a girl. I’m your daughter. I can pretend to be a boy, like I am now, but inside my heart and mind I know that I’m a girl.”

My mom’s expression was hard to categorize. Part surprise, part shock, part amusement, part disbelief.

“How did this happen?”

I explained how I had the opportunity to play dress-ups without going into the details of kissing Julien or Joe.

“And why are you affectionate now?”

“We’re two girls mom. Girls are affectionate with each other. Not like boys.”

“That’s not exactly true …”

I began to cry as I feared I had made a mistake.

“Don’t cry. Come here!”

My mom put her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “My lovely mixed-up child. You might be a girl, and if you are I will love you as a girl. But I think that you need more than a summer with Julien to know the truth.”

“Maybe so, but as long as I’m at home I can only be a boy. I never have a chance to be a girl.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t play dress-ups here.”

“Right, you don’t have the clothes. That is a problem.”

Mom got lost in thought, “I’m debating whether I should help you get some girl clothes. It would be easier if your dad were okay with this but chances are he’ll call Jed and then Julien might be in trouble. Do you think Jed would approve of Julien wearing his sister’s clothes?”

“I don’t think he would.”

“So I have a dilemma here, don’t I?”

I waited patiently for my mom to think through what she wanted to do. Then, to my surprise, she got up and went to her closet. “I’ve got some skirts, blouses, and dresses I don’t wear anymore.” She went through her racks of clothing and picked out a bunch of items. “You’ll also need some bras and panties – I have a few of those I can donate to the cause. Also a pair of black heels, and oh yes, a slip and a girdle, even some old stockings that are still good.” Mom gathered up the clothes and she placed them in my closet. “I don’t have a wig like Julien had for you or breast forms. But I suppose I can buy them for you. You’re a D cup? That’s what you like? And a brown-haired wig?”

“I love you, Mom!”

“We’ll see how this goes. You wear the clothes when your dad won’t catch you in them. I don’t mind if you dress up around me. That’s no problem. I suppose I could on occasion buy you something more if the situation warrants it.”

Mom came over to me and hugged me tightly again. “I want to thank you Emile for being so honest with me. That took courage and I appreciate it.”

“Thank you mom. But …”

“You can call me Emily if you like …”

His mom laughed. “Okay, Emily!”

I clung to my mother swooning with love for her.

“Look, we’ll struggle along here and see where it leads. A few months from now we’ll tell your dad when he won’t think that Julien is connected with your desires.”

“Thank you!”

“I want us to keep communicating. Tell me your feelings. Don’t hide them from me.”

***

Julien and I kept in contact on social media. When I told him about my mom’s clothing he said that I was lucky to have a mom who loves me like a daughter. That made me feel a little sad for him. He said that the cook came early one day and caught him in his princess dress. She promised that she’d keep his secret.

I was surprised when one day I got a message from Joe. He said, he was wondering if I was the Emily he had met this summer – even though online I called myself Emile. He saw my picture and could swear that it was Emily dressed like a boy. I debated whether or not I should ghost him. If I admitted to being Emile would he be angry?

While I spent a few days thinking about what to do, Julien texted me that Ben had found him out. He had no choice except to confess to Ben who he really was. Ben took the news surprisingly well and wanted to remain friends with him.

I realized that I had no choice except to confess the truth to Joe. I wrote him that I was Emile/Emily. A few weeks later he sent me a note wishing me well. “I remember how kind you were to me. Regardless of anything else, you are a girl – a wonderful, pretty, sexy girl. I don’t know how to explain it, but I hope we can meet again next summer and resume where we left off. Love, Joe.”

I turned out the lights and got under my covers and wept. Joe’s feeling for me was a beacon guiding me toward the place I was destined for.

End