Mommy’s Brilliant Idea

by

Pamela

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“What?” Janet Ilardi yelled at her husband Sal Ilardi from across the kitchen table. Their three sons were asleep in their bedroom out of hearing range.

“You heard me,” Sal said. “I just can’t stay here. I’m sick and tired of this life. I’m leaving.”

“How dare you, you fucker!” Janet said at the top of her lungs. “Leave me with your three sons to raise all by myself?”

“I’m truly sorry,” Sal said. “I can certainly understand why you’re mad. It’s not nice of me, but if I stay here I’ll be so miserable that …”

Janet, livid with anger stormed to their bedroom found a suitcase and threw some of Sal’s things into it. She returned to the kitchen and threw the suitcase at Sal. “Now get your ass out of here before I take a knife and cut your balls off!”

“You see, Janet, this is one reason why I want to go. You have anger issues!”

Janet took a step toward Sal and he ran from the kitchen and out the front door. On the threshold he called back to her saying, “I’ll come by tomorrow to get the rest of my things. Oh yeah and tell my boys I’m sorry!”

***

Janet sat down at the kitchen table and wept. How could she have ever married such an asshole? What kind of father abandons three sons ages ten, eleven and twelve? She had gone through labor three times to get him his sons and spent countless sleepless nights taking care of them. Five years of her life was a blur of endless work. When the youngest, Billy, had become five she had gone back to work as a bank teller. And now Sal was gone leaving her without help in raising three boys that will soon be teenagers!

As Janet wept she remembered that one of her fantasies about marrying Sal was that she would become a mother to a daughter. She loved the idea of having the special closeness of a mother and daughter; all the ways that two females can be emotionally intimate with each other. She’d comb her daughter’s hair each night. Help her buy the prettiest clothes or the coolest clothes. Whatever her daughter wanted. She’d give her advice on dating boys and when the time came she would teach her about using tampons and help her select her first bra. Shopping for a prom dress with her and maybe later even a wedding gown.

But her first baby was a boy, Phil, whom she loved dearly but did not squelch her desire to have a daughter. So Sal and her tried again and this time she got Angelo. He was a particularly sweet baby. Didn’t fuss much. Had a nice disposition and was gentler than Phil. Perhaps because Angelo wasn’t too difficult she decided to take one more shot at getting a daughter. She prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped and was rewarded with Billy. Not an easy baby. He was colicky in his first year and Janet knew deep down that this was it. No more babies. Having a daughter was just not in the cards for her.

***

A month after Sal had gone, Janet and the boys had not heard anything from him. He was truly gone without a trace Nothing. After dinner of hotdogs and French fries the boys did homework in their bedroom. After cleaning up the kitchen Janet folded a mountain of her boy’s laundry that she had washed and dried. Ugh, she thought. The clothing is all so male and so much like Sal.

Janet sat down and cried feeling sorry for herself. Chained to raising three boys. Of course she loved them, but what about her own needs? What about what she wanted in life? So much male energy in the household. Outnumbered by little testosterone factories. She craved a little feminine companionship in her home life. Just a tiny bit. Something to break up the non-ending inundation of maleness.

As Janet wept at her hopeless situation, an idea came into her head whose perfection astonished her. It was the greatest idea of her life! Stunned, she pondered her brilliant idea from every angle. It was truly perfect and infallible. She spent some time considering how she would implement it. When she saw the whole plan in all its detail she got up and summoned her boys to the living room.

“Sit down,” she said.

The boys sat down looking at her quizzically. “What have we done Mommy?” Angelo said.

“Nothing,” Janet said, chuckling. “No worries, please. As you know your father has abandoned us. That leaves me raising you three boys by myself. For reasons that I’m afraid you’re too young to understand, we need to balance our family going forward.”

“Balance the family?” Phil said.

“We need an equal number of girls and boys. So, one of the three of you has to become my daughter and sister to her two brothers. I don’t care which of you it is. Whoever is chosen will begin their new life as a girl and the other two of you will treat her like a girl from now on. You’ll forget that she ever was a boy. Do you understand?”

“I guess so,” Billy said, sounding confused.

“One of us has to become a girl? Which one of us?” Phil asked.

“It’s only fair that I leave it to the three of you to figure that out. But you must make a decision. Give me your answer tomorrow night at dinner.”

The boys stared at their mom speechless until Phil said, “What do you mean by becoming a girl?”

“It means that you’ll dress and act like a girl. As far as anybody will be able to tell, you’ll be pure girl. Don’t worry. I’ll give instructions on every aspect of being a girl. Teach you how to act and talk like a girl. Like I said you’ll be a sister to your two brothers.”

The boys looked at each other as if trying to decide what to say. “Any questions?” Janet asked.

“Tomorrow we have to decide?” Angelo said.

“Yes. Tomorrow at dinner. Then whomever you’ve picked will become a girl over the summer. We’ll start the transformation the day after school lets out in a couple of weeks. During the summer we’ll move far away from here – I’m thinking California – where I can easily get a job with my same bank. We’ll start our new life as a family of mommy and her daughter and two sons.”

Janet was amused by how the three boys stared at her. They were processing what she had said. It was asking a lot of such young children to comprehend the subtleties of what she had asked of them. In a year or two from now, if all went well, the boys would eventually forget that their sister had ever been a boy.

“Now run along and finish your homework.”

As Janet watched them leave she smiled with happiness that she was finally going to get her daughter. Beyond any doubt that would be Angelo. The boys would naturally gravitate toward picking the weakest one. The one least able to fight back against the others. By every measure this was Angelo. His temperament and body were far closer to that of girls than the others. Phil, the oldest, was much too much like Sal. A good athlete. Muscular. Not too talkative. Billy on the other hand, though younger than Angelo was a restless soul that would balk at any effort to change him. It would be near impossible to get him to absorb femininization lessons. Angelo on the other hand, was loquacious, gentle in disposition, a poor athlete and had a body structure that was on the female side of masculine. His chest was a bit sunken. His face rounder and not as angular as his brothers. His arms and legs lacked obvious muscles. He liked crafts and playing games. He was kind and thoughtful.

Janet imagined the process by which the boys would decide. Phil would first say that there was no way he would be a girl. He had the strength and fists to back that up. Then Billy would say it wouldn’t be him either and Angelo would protest but Billy would be in his face about it. Probably hold up his fists and threaten Angelo who would then reconsider and give in if for no other reason than to be kind to his brothers. She doubted that Angelo knew how to fight even if he had to.

Having the kids decide who would be the girl gave Janet an alibi if she ever needed one. She’d be able to say honestly that her son told her he was to be a girl. The fact that she had set the process in motion would be lost to history. She would create the family lore that she was merely helping her son to achieve his correct gender expression. By the time Angelo’s gender ever became an issue to the outside world, he’d be fully committed to the belief that it was something he had always wanted for himself.

***

After the boys left their mom and returned to their bedroom, Phil said, “I’m not going to be the girl. One or the other of you better decide.”

“Well I also don’t see how I could be the girl,” Angelo said.

“No way you’re making me the girl,” Billy said.

“You’re the youngest,” Angelo said, “so it’s got to be you.”

Billy made a fist and held it up toward his older brother. “Oh yeah?” Billy said.

“I’m sorry Billy but …”

“One more word and I’m going to hit you,” Billy said.

Angelo looked at Billy’s fist. The last thing he wanted was to be hit. “Okay, okay, Billy. Just don’t hit me. I’ll be the girl.”

Phil laughed. “Holy shit Billy. You’re fearless.”

“Who couldn’t beat up Angelo. He’s scared of his own shadow.”

“That’s not true and that’s a mean thing to say,” Angelo said.

Billy made a fist again and Angelo walked away.

“Billy, you can’t hit girls,” Phil said and he and Billy laughed.

Angelo looked at his two brothers and sighed. He was different than the two of them. His grades were much better and he read books instead of playing ball with the neighborhood boys. He enjoyed crafts. Making baskets or lanyards. One day he hoped to make a quilt. He liked the idea of collecting scraps of fabric pieces and forming them together into a design.

That night when he lay in bed he thought that even though his brothers had picked him to be the girl, he could see that if he refused to cooperate with his mom then she wouldn’t be able to make the transformation. There would be yelling and she’d get mad, but that wouldn’t turn him into a girl. But if he didn’t cooperate she would be miserable. From the little he knew about families he could see that his mommy had a hard time as a single mother raising three children. She worked all day and took care of their needs when she got home. If he could ease her burdens a bit by being her daughter that would be a nice thing to do. He smiled at the thought that by cooperating with his mommy he would get closer to her than Phil and Billy. In many ways he’d have mommy all to himself since Phil and Billy were never thinking about her – only themselves and their friends.

Another pleasant thought came to Angelo. If he were a girl then his brothers and the other kids would no longer tease him about how poorly he threw a baseball or shot a basketball. He avoided playing baseball at recess with the boys in his class since they’d invariably make fun of him. “Angelo throws like a girl!” they often shouted if by chance the ball came to him in the outfield and he tried to relay it home. He wondered if girls teased each other also. If they did they probably weren’t as mean as boys were.

By the time Angelo fell asleep he had made up his mind to go along with whatever his mom wanted. He had no doubts that his mommy wanted the best for him.

***

The next night as they sat down to dinner Janet turned to her three sons and said, “Okay. Who’s to be my girl?”

“Angelo!” Phil said.

“Yea, Mom,” Billy said.

“That’s true Angelo?” Janet asked.

“Yes, Mom. Phil and Billy decided that I’d be the girl and I’m okay with it.”

“I scared Angelo,” Billy said laughing. “After that he had no choice.”

“Shame on you,” Janet said to Billy. “Apologize to Angelo. We don’t threaten in this family. Do you understand?”

“Sorry Mom,” Billy said. “Sorry Angelo.”

“Good,” Janet said. “So it’s settled and now we understand that we’ll be moving to a new place far from here and when we arrive, Angelo is going to be known everywhere as Angela. My daughter and the sister to Phil and Billy. Is that right?”

“Yes, Mom,” Phil said. “But what about my friends here?”

“Yeah, Mom,” Billy said. “What about mine.”

“I’m sorry. You’ll make new ones where we end up.”

“But Mom …”

“No use complaining about it,” Janet said. “Just be happy that I’m not making all three of you into girls!”

“Okay, okay!” Phil and Billy said.

***

Two weeks later school was out for the summer. Janet sent Phil and Billy to a day camp where they could play as much baseball and basketball as they wanted. She kept Angelo home with her to start the process of weaning him from his boy self to his new girl self.

“I’m not going to camp?” Angelo asked.

“No. You didn’t want to go, did you?” Janet said.

“No. The boys make fun of me.”

“Yes. Boys and men can be so cruel. But, happily we can start making you into a lovely girl. Let’s start in my bedroom.”

Angelo followed Janet to her bedroom. The house was quiet except for the faint ticking of the clock in the living room. Angelo was excited to be singled out by his mother to spend time with just her.

“From now on I’m going to call you Angela and so too will your brothers. You should also call yourself Angela from now on.”

“Ok, Mommy,” Angela said.

“Good. This means you’re now always she or her. No more he or him. Understand?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Good, my dear. I love how cooperative you are. I thought this might be more difficult than it is.”

“I want to help you, Mommy,” Angela said. “Daddy leaving us was very hard on you. If I can help make your life easier I want to do it.”

“You’re a marvelous child, Angela,” Janet said choking up a bit. How rare it must be to have a child who is empathetic and precocious.

“Today I want to begin teaching you about being a girl. About girl things. Some of the basic things you need to know if you’re going to be a girl from now on.”

Angela looked at her mother expectantly.

“First thing is that you must realize that since you and I are both girls, we can be girls together in a way that a mom and her sons can’t be. For example, you remember how you boys sometimes took a shower with your dad?”

“Yes mommy,” Angela said. Angelo, Phil, and Billy would stand in the tub with their dad towering over them. His hairy legs and the tip of his red penis just poking out from within a large bush of curly brown hair. Compared to the three tiny bumps of penises that the boys had, it was a mysterious and frightening experience to look upon their naked dad. The boys disliked the group showers but their dad used them to get done with his parental duty as fast as possible. Especially on the nights when Janet was on the warpath because she was exhausted and Sal was trying to duck his responsibilities.

“You know that the bodies of boys and girls have some differences?”

“Yeah, like girls have long hair?”

“True, usually, but I’m getting at biological differences. Mainly, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. That has to do with nature’s way of making babies.”

“You have a vagina?”

“Yes. Girls don’t have penises they have vaginas. I’ll show you mine in a second. These special things that girls and boys have must come together to create a new life. So from now on you’re going to have the girls parts and no longer have the boys.”

“You mean I won’t have a penis?”

“You will and you won’t. Physically we’re not going to do anything to your penis – at least not any time soon. However, I want you to imagine that your penis is actually a vagina. I want you to always think about your penis from now on as being a vagina. In that sense you no longer have a penis. Do you understand what I’m saying.”

“Sort of.”

“A vagina is a hole. Out of this hole babies come when mommies are having a baby.”

Angela looked confused and Janet said, “The easiest way to explain is for us to take our clothes off. Then we can discuss and examine our girl parts.”

Janet took off her blouse and skirt and stepped out of her panties and took her bra off. Angela took off her shirt, pants and underpants. She and her mother stood facing each other. Angela looked at her mother’s bush with curiosity.

“You’re looking at my bush,” Janet said. “This hair is called pubic hair and inside the bush is the entrance to my vagina.”

“Dad had a bush too,” Angela said.

“Yes. His surrounds his penis. Mine surrounds my vagina.”

“What does a vagina look like?”

“Let me show you.” Janet used two hands to flatten her pubic hair and pull the bush apart to reveal the pinkish opening to her vagina.

“Wow,” Angela said. “It’s like a tunnel? How far does it go into you?”

“Good question. Probably ten inches or so. Inside there are little teeny eggs and other special organs that are used in making babies. We’ll talk about that some other day. You’re a little young to understand the biology of a woman’s vagina.”

“I should pretend that my penis is really a hole like your vagina is?”

“Yes very good. If it helps, imagine that the penis you have now is just your vagina inside out. You can tuck it back inside you if you wanted to and then it will look like a real vagina.”

“But I can’t do that,” Angela said.

Janet laughed. “No just in a pretend sense. But later on when you’re much older a doctor could make the change for you. We don’t have to worry about that now. All you need do is pretend you have a vagina that is no different than that of any other girl.”

Janet prayed that what she was saying would sink deeply into Angela. Embed itself to such an extent that this one critical point will be taken care of forever. It was the one issue that would take the most finesse to get emblazoned into Angela’s mind, and she thanked her lucky stars that it seemed like it might actually happen. Of course, in the future she might hit some speed bumps when Angela wore bathing suits or perhaps had to change in girls’ locker rooms. There was also a potential problem with finding a pediatrician who was cool with the sex change. In a year or so Angela was going to need puberty blockers. She wouldn’t force Angela to take them, but she prayed that by then Angela would be so fully committed to being a girl that she’d insist on taking them.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand, Mommy,” Angela said.

“What’s that?”

“I can pretend I have a vagina but doesn’t my penis stick out?”

“You’re right, but you can wear a special kind of underwear that pushes your little pee pee back so it’s not seen at all.”

“That’s neat, Mommy.”

“Yes. You’ll be able to wear the pretty clothes that girls get to wear and you’ll be pretty in them, the same as any girl. No one will see a bump where your penis is.”

With that settled, Janet saw Angela staring at her breasts. “Are you curious about my breasts.”

“Those are breasts?”

Janet laughed. “Yes, of course. I suppose you’ve never seen them before. Girls have them after they go through puberty. By about twelve years old you might start getting them.”

“When I’m twelve I’ll have breasts?”

“Yes, around that age. There are many changes that happen to girls when they get to twelve and their bodies enter puberty. Puberty is the process by which a girl transforms into a woman, or a boy turns into a man. For girls, one of the main changes is they grow breasts like I have.”

Angela stared at her mother’s breasts with fascination. “I’m really going to get breasts?”

“Yes. That’s one thing I’m certain you’re going to get.” Janet was convinced that Angela was going to want to take hormones, so it wasn’t a lie to say she’d get breasts. They’d find out how big when the time came. If Angela wasn’t happy with her future breast size she’d offer to get her implants when she was in her late teens.

Angela looked at her own flat chest and small nipples and then at her mother’s large round breasts topped by bright red erect nipples. “Will my breasts be big like yours?”

“That’s a good question. No girl knows how big or small her breasts will be until after they stop growing.”

“Can I touch them?” Angela asked, staring at her mom’s breasts with intense interest.

“Sure, go ahead.”

Angela gently touched Janet’s large breasts. At first stroking the skin. “It’s so soft!” Janet smiled. Then Angela pushed a breast slightly one way and then the other. She then lifted a breast a little bit. “It’s such a nice thing, mommy. It feels so smooth and kind of bouncy.”

“You’re right. Women are lucky that they have breasts.”

“Men don’t, right?”

“Their chests are flat and their nipples are small.”

“You’re nipples are big. I like them. I like how they stand up.” Angela held onto her mom’s nipples and carefully felt them.

“Did you see that I was wearing a bra to hold them?” Janet held up her bra to show Angela.

Angela took it from her mom’s hands and looked at it with fascination. “I was going to ask you about that. It’s just for holding your breasts?”

“Yes. Women wear bras to hold our breasts.”

“Why do they need them to be held?”

“Without a bra a woman’s breasts can bounce around in an uncomfortable way. They also might sag a little. The bra holds them up in a nice comfortable position.”

“Do you wear a bra all the time?”

“During the day. When a lady sleeps she usually takes off her bra. Bras are comfortable, but not so comfortable that you’d want to sleep in one.”

“I think your bra is very pretty, Mommy. It’s not like the other clothes you’re wearing, well except your underpants are also very pretty.”

Janet picked up her panties to show them to Angela. “Girl’s underpants are called panties. My panty and my bra today are part of a matching set. See how they have the same pretty flowery pattern and lace trim. Girls don’t always wear matching undies, but it’s nice when they do. It’s up to the girl what she wears. How pretty the underwear is varies from girl to girl or woman to woman. Some women like wearing pretty underwear even though they know that no one can see what their wearing. It helps make them feel feminine.”

“That’s how I’ll be when I get a bra and panties. I mean I’m going to want to feel as feminine as I can!”

It struck Janet that Angela was way ahead of her. She seemed to embrace being a girl as if it were something that she had always wanted.

“We’ll definitely get you some very pretty underwear. I’m going to take you shopping for panties and we’ll make sure to buy the prettiest ones we can find for you. You won’t need a bra for a couple of years, but when the time comes we’ll buy you a pretty bra.”

“Thank you, Mommy.”

“Can I ask you a question Angela?”

Angela laughed, “Yes, Mommy!”

“You seem very happy to become a girl. Are you?”

“I love that we get to be together Mommy. If being a girl means I can be with you a lot then I really want to be a girl. I also am very happy that I don’t have to do boy things any more. I hate throwing a baseball. Yuck. I hate pretending I’m strong when I’m not. Without Phil and Billy teasing me and making fun of me being a pathetic boy it’s so nice. They’re often mean to me. Being a girl so I don’t have to play with them makes me very happy! I’m so happy that you told them never to tease me as Angela. I love that.”

“You never thought about being a girl before?”

“No Mommy. I never knew that boys could be girls if they wanted to.”

“If you had known that boys could be girls, would you have wanted to be a girl?”

Angela stared at her mother thinking. “I don’t know.”

“Let me ask you this way. Suppose that I changed my mind and said that you didn’t have to be a girl, would you still want to be a girl?”

“I think I still would want to be one. I’d hate not to get to wear pretty panties. I also think it’ll be neat when I get to wear a bra.”

Janet laughed. “Okay. I’m glad to hear that.”

“Girls wear dresses, don’t they?” Angela asked.

“Yes, of course.”

“So I can wear dresses?”

“Yes, as long as you want to wear dresses.”

“I definitely want to wear dresses. Dresses can be so pretty. Will I be able to wear pretty dresses?”

“Of course, Angela. Pretty dresses and pretty skirts. All the pretty clothes you want to wear you can wear.”

“It’ll be so neat to wear a pretty dress!”

“So there’s no doubt that you’re happy to be a girl.”

“I’m happy Mommy.”

“When we go shopping I’m going to let you decide what you want to wear.”

“But won’t you help me?”

“Sure. I’ll guide you into making good decisions.”

“I’ve always liked your clothes, Mommy.”

“That’s sweet of you to say.”

What are your favorites?”

“I’ve been wearing a skirt today. Most often I wear skirts and tops. Less often I wear jeans or a dress. At night if I’m going somewhere I often wear a dress.”

“Can I look at your skirt?”

“Sure.” Janet fetched it from the chair she had placed it on and gave it to Angela. She looked at it carefully. “Put it on. You can get some feeling for what skirts are like.” Angela stepped into the skirt. The waist was too big, but Janet gathered it together to fit around her.

Angela looked down at herself and laughed. “This is so much fun! Skirts are so nice.”

Janet smiled. This was going better than she had thought possible. “I’m glad. We’ll buy you some pretty skirts and dresses.”

“Thank you Mommy,” Angela said.

“Good, good, good. Now repeat back to me what the differences are between yourself and a boy.”

“I have a vagina and breasts and a boy has a penis.”

“Very good. Girls your age often have long hair – all the way down their backs. We’ll stop giving you haircuts until your hair fully grows out. By the end of the summer it should be down to about your shoulders. By next Christmas you’ll have very nice girl’s hair and I’ll take you to a beauty parlor.”

“A beauty parlor?”

“It’s where women and girls go to get their hair done.”

“I’ve seen that the girls at school have different kinds of hairstyles.”

“Yes, like braids, and ponytails and bangs.”

“Right. So I can also have my hair styled like that?”

“Yes, Angela. You can have your hair braided or any other style you like. The hairdresser can make suggestions that put you at your prettiest.”

“You mean I’ll be pretty?”

“You are pretty! We’ll get you all that you need to make you as pretty as any girl can expect to be!”

“I shall like that very much!”

“At the beauty parlor they can also buff and polish your finger and toenails.”

“You mean I can wear fingernail polish?” Angela said excitedly.

“Yes, you’d like that?”

“Yes! It makes fingers so pretty. Many of the girls in my classes wear fingernail polish.”

“We can do that today!”

“Today? Oh my God Mommy! What color can I get?”

“Any color you want.”

“Can I have pink or red? Which is best for me?”

“Either one will be pretty on your fingers. You can also get your ears pierced so you can wear earrings. Would you like that?”

“Oh, yes, Mommy!”

“As a girl you can wear shoes with heels.”

“Heels?”

“Girls often wear shoes with heels. Let me show you.” Janet showed Angela the shoes in her closet. “See these,” she said holding up a pair with very high heels.

“Wow,” Angela said.

“You’re too young for shoes like that, but one day you’ll be able to wear them.”

“I won’t fall over?”

“Not after you get used to them.”

“Girls get so many neat things that boys don’t get. What else?”

“You’ll have to carry a pocketbook with you. A purse like Mommy always carries.”

“My own purse! It’s so much fun being a girl! Can I see what other clothes you wear?”

“Sure. Let’s look in my dresser drawers. You’ll find all the kinds of special underwear that girls wear.”

Janet opened the top drawer. “Here is my jewelry and perfume and some other odds and ends. See my gloves are here.”

Angela stared in fascination at the many boxes and other assorted things. “It smells pretty,” she said.

“In each of my drawers I put a sachet that is scented. Women often like to do that.”

“I’ll like to have pretty smelling drawers.” Angela said.

“I have some extra sachets and we’ll put them in the drawers of your dresser. You’re now going to have your own bedroom since you can’t sleep in the same room with your brothers any more. Girls need their privacy!”

“What bedroom?”

“You’re dad’s den will become your bedroom while we’re here. When we move you’ll have your own bedroom that you can decorate any way you want.”

Angela’s eyes lit up with the thought. “I’m so happy that Phil and Billy made me the girl!”

“So am I! Now, the next drawer is where I keep my bras and panties.”

Angela looked with utter fascination as her mother opened the drawer.

“Wow, Mommy, you have a lot of bras. And so many panties!”

“You see how many different colors and styles there are? That’s why a woman has many bras and panties. Any day she can decide which color she wants to wear and she might want one style of bra or panty against another. Lots of choices.”

“Why don’t boys have choices like girls do?”

“That’s a very good question. I wish I knew the answer to it!”

“Can I look at some of your panties?” Angela asked.

“Sure. Go ahead and touch them. Get a good look.”

Angela tentatively touched the top of her mommy’s panty pile.

“It so soft, Mommy,” Angela said.

“True. Girls almost always wear soft panties. We love the delicate fabrics that are nice to touch.”

Angela looked through the panties. “Some are white, some are blue and tan and pink. There’s a red one, Mommy. Also black!”

Angela took out a black panty and held it up.

“That’s called a bikini style. You see how its kind of skimpy. See all the pretty lace on it.”

“A lot of your panties have lace!”

“True. I like feminine panties.”

“Because you like being a girl?”

Janet laughed. “I guess you could say that. I do like being a girl. I’m very happy being a girl.”

Angela was absorbed in a light blue panty that had flowers on it. She held it up and looked at it.

“See how it’s larger than the black one. This panty has full coverage which means that my whole bottom fits in it.”

“Your tushy?” Angela said giggling.

“Yes. One way panties differ is by how much they cover a girl’s tushy.”

Angela put the panties back in the drawer with great care. “There are so many fun and pretty things that girls have. Why doesn’t everyone want to be a girl?”

“I have no idea. I guess men just don’t know what they’re missing.”

Angela now examined the bras. “How do you know what bra to wear, Mommy?”

“Each girl has different sized breasts, besides the fact that her body might be small or large or somewhere in between. So to get the right bra, a girl has to be measured.”

“What do you measure?”

“How big the breasts are and how many inches there is around their body just below their breasts. With those measurements you can figure out what bra to get. At the store you can try on the bra before you buy it to make sure you’re happy with the fit.”

“When I’m old enough to need a bra will you measure me?”

“Yes, of course. Even before you really need a bra we can get you a trainer bra. It’s made for girls whose breasts are about to begin growing. We’ll also get you a girl’s two-piece bathing suit. That has a bottom that’s like a panty and a top that’s like a bra.”

“Why does it have the bra part if I don’t have breasts?”

“Girls never show their breast area in public, at least not in America. Whether a girl has breasts or not, she doesn’t show that part of herself.”

Angela closed the bra and panty drawer. “What’s in the next drawer?”

“Open it,” Janet said.

Angela opened it up and looked curiously at the contents. “What are these clothes? Are they just for girls?”

“Yes, this drawer is where I keep my foundation garments, stockings, pantyhose, and my slips.”

“Foundation?”

“I’ll explain. Do you see how mommy has breasts that stick out and then a narrow waist and then my hips are wider and then they narrow down to my thighs and legs.”

“Yes.”

“These are mommy’s curves. All women have curves. Foundation garments are used by women to help them get the curves they want to have.”

“What curves do they want to have?”

“You’re a little young to understand, but boys appreciate the curves that girls have, so a girl might want to create a curve on herself that boys like.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Good question. Girls may like the attention that boys give them so this is a way to get more boys to notice you. Trust me, in a few years you’ll understand.”

Angela pointed to a girdle and asked, “What kind of curve does that give you?”

Janet held it up and showed Angela. “See, it looks like shorts. But feel it. It’s made from a strong material that help shape the body. This is called a panty girdle. I wear it to give myself a nice smooth and shapely tushy.”

“What are those?” Angela asked pointing to the garters dangling from the leg openings.

“Those are garters. They hold up the stockings that you wear with the girdle.”

“Stockings?”

“See, over here I keep my stockings.” Janet took out a pair of garter stockings and showed them to Angela.

“They’re so light and delicate! Girls wear these on their legs?”

“Most certainly. You put them on like socks and then attached them to the garters which keeps them from falling down your leg.”

“Cool.”

“Instead of a girdle to hold up your stockings you can wear a garter belt.” Janet took a garter belt from her drawer and put it around her waist to show Angela how the garters would be in the same place as they are for the panty girdle.

“So I can wear either a panty girdle of a garter belt to hold up my stockings?”

“Yes dear.”

“Mommy, I love these clothes. The pretty lace and bows are nice. I’d like to wear a panty girdle like yours. Are all panty girdles white?”

“No, they come in different colors. Sometimes they even have some designs.”

“What about pink panty girdles? That would be my favorite one.”

“We might find a pink panty girdle when we go shopping. Is pink your favorite color?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Has it always been?”

“I think so. I never thought about a favorite color but sometimes girls come to class wearing a pink dress or skirt or blouse and I used to think how pretty the color was.”

“I would have been happy to buy you a pink shirt.”

Angela laughed. “If I wore a pink shirt the boys would make so much fun of me!”

“But now you can wear a pink blouse or dress if you want.”

“Girls are so lucky and now I get to be one!”

Janet smiled at Angela and said, “Come give Mommy a hug! Mommy and her pretty daughter!” Angela eagerly allowed her mommy to envelop her naked body. Her head rested on her mommy’s breasts and her belly pressed up against her mommy’s thighs. Angela was sure she had never before been this happy.

When the hug ended, Angela said, “You’ll buy me a pink dress and skirt also?”

“Yes, for sure.”

“Can you buy me a panty girdle?”

Janet laughed. “You’re a little young but I’m sure we can find a pretty panty girdle for you.”

Angela returned to the drawer and looked at the different kinds of girdles her mother had.

“I have a variety of girdles for different ways of shaping myself. I also like bodysuits.” Janet held up one with dangling garters and placed it against her torso. “See how it covers me from my tushy to my breasts. It gives me a sleek look under my clothing. I can attach my stockings to the garters.” Janet handed the bodysuit to Angela and helped her put it on. Though it was much too loose she enjoyed looking at herself in it.

“If a woman doesn’t want to wear a girdle or garter belt to hold up her stockings, she can wear pantyhose instead.”

“Pantyhose?”

Janet showed her a pair. “See how these are stockings together with a panty. They’re convenient to wear. No need to fuss with garters.”

“Can I wear pantyhose?”

“Eventually. Girls your age are more likely to wear tights. They’re like pantyhose but the material is thicker. We’ll buy you some tights. You can wear them with skirts and dresses.”

Angela pointed to the slips that were carefully folded in a neat pile. “What are these?”

“Slips. Mommy wears a slip underneath her dresses or a half slip underneath her skirts.”

“Why?”

“For some dresses and skirts the material is thin and boys can see through it to a girl’s legs. When we wear slips the boys can’t see our legs.”

Angela laughed. “That’s so amazing. Girls have so many more fun things to wear than boys!”

“I’ll put my bra and panty back on and then I’ll put on a slip.” Angela watched her mommy put on her panties and then her bra. She noted how her mommy caught her breasts in the cups. Then Janet selected a white slip and put it on over her head. “Voila! I’m now wearing the typical underwear that a woman wears – if she’s wearing a dress. Bra and panty with a slip.”

“The slip is so nice mommy. It’s smooth. Do all slips have lace around the breasts?”

“No. Not all slips. This is an especially pretty one.”

“What’s in the last drawer?” Angela asked.

Janet opened it up. “These are my nighties. Girls can sleep in pajamas or nightgowns or fancier things like peignoirs or chemises.”

“These are the prettiest clothes of all!” Angela exclaimed.

“There’s a reason for that,” Janet said. “When girls and boys get together to make a baby …”

“You mean have sex!” Angela said.

“Yes, sex. What do you know about sex?”

“I’ve seen boys and girls get into the bed together on TV. Phil said they were going to have sex.”

“What is having sex?”

“I’m not exactly sure. I think it has to do with the boys penis. Phil said so.”

“You should know the truth. The boy puts his penis in the girls vagina and then some sperm goes in her that unites with her egg and then we get a baby from that.”

Angela stared at her mother horrified. “That sounds really yucky!”

Janet laughed. “It’s natural at your age to not understand sex. But in a few years you’ll think it’s fun and you’ll want to do it. But I’m digressing. The reason that I mentioned sex is because that is when girls often wear their prettiest nighties – like the really pretty ones you see in my drawer.”

“So when you and Daddy wanted to have sex you wore these?”

“Yes, exactly.” Janet took out a short pink peignoir that was a confection of soft fabric, lace and bows. “This is my favorite. Your dad loved me wearing it.”

“Can I have a nightie like that?”

“Of course you can. Would you like to wear it?”

“You’ll let me wear it?”

“It’s a little big for you, but I’m happy for you to enjoy it.” Angela took off the bodysuit she was still wearing. Janet had Angela raise her arms up and she lowered the peignoir over her head until the straps rested on her shoulders. The peignoir came down to just above Angela’s knees. Janet laughed. “You look so unbelievably adorable in that. Come to the mirror.”

They went to the bathroom mirror. Angela looked at herself with unbridled glee. “Oh Mommy. I love the way I look. It’s so pretty!”

“I so happy that you love pretty clothes. I have an idea! We have some time before your brothers come home from camp. Let’s venture to the mall and get you some girl clothes. Enough of those boys clothes!”

Angela laughed. “This is so much fun. Thank you Mommy! I love you!”

Janet smiled at the unbridled happiness and affection in Angela’s face. Though Janet had thought of creating a daughter for her own selfish interest, it was undeniable that Angelo’s rebirth as Angela was as much for Angela’s sake as her own.

***

At the mall, Janet led Angela to children’s lingerie at the local department store. “See the very many pretty panties. Choose a half-dozen pairs to start.”

Angela obliged herself of six colorful panties. Some with flowers. They each had some bows. From there they selected tights, socks, a couple of slips, a nightie, and Janet couldn’t resist buying Angela two padded, training bras. “I think you’ll enjoy wearing a bra. It’ll help you feel like the girl you’ve become.”

“I can wear a training bra everyday?”

“Yes, if you want to. I guess once a girl starts wearing a bra she’ll wear one the rest of her life.”

“I don’t think I’ll mind wearing one. They’re really pretty.”

“The padding should give you a nice young girl figure.”

“You mean it will make me look like I have breasts?”

“Yes. That’s what padding does. It’ll be a secret. No one will know that it’s padding!”

Angela laughed. “That’s so neat!”

“It’s so much fun shopping with you,” Janet said. This was exactly the experience she had craved to have with a daughter. Mom and her girl going to the mall and buying pretty clothes. Deciding what they liked. What looked good on them. Seeing her daughter’s pleased reactions and the excitement of bringing the packages home at the end of the day. Trying on the new clothes at home and delighting in the way they looked.

“I’m having so much fun too, Mommy. This is so much nicer than playing baseball.”

Janet laughed. It was such a cute thought. “Girls also play baseball or at least softball.”

“I might like playing softball with girls. I know I don’t like playing it with boys!”

“True! Let’s get you some tops, a pair of jeans, a couple of skirts and then take a look at the dresses!”

“Do I need heels?”

“Right. We’ll also stop for shoes and sneakers.”

***

When Phil and Billy came home from camp they saw that Angelo’s clothing was piled up in the living room.

“Take what you want,” Janet said. “What’s left goes to Goodwill.”

“What’s Angelo going to wear?” Phil said.

“It’s not Angelo. It’s Angela. I told you this morning. From now on you refer to your sister as Angela. Both of you. No mistakes. Also remember that she is a she, never a he!”

“Okay, Mom,” Phil said.

“Where’s Angela?” Billy said.

“She’s in her room.”

“Her room?”

“Angela gets her own private room. Your dad’s study. We can’t have a girl in the same room as boys.”

Janet called to Angela, “Come say hello to your brothers.”

Janet had encouraged Angela to wear one of her new outfits when they came home from the mall. She had put on cute panties, tights, a training bra, a blouse and skirt, and shoes. Though her hair hadn’t been cut in a couple of months it still wasn’t long enough to frame her face. Angela’s finger and toenails were bright red from the nail polish her mother had put on them after shopping. This feminine perk brought an immediate delicacy to Angela’s hands. Seeing Angela fully dressed as a girl gave Janet a sense of vindication. Angela looked like a female. With some practice she’d develop feminine movements. Apart from the distraction of her hair, the few lingering traces of Angelo were barely if at all noticeable. What a tragedy it would have been to have raised this delicate child to accept life as the boy and man that she isn’t.

Angela greeted Phil and Billy. They stared at her eyes agog as she smiled primly at them in her cute blouse and skirt. “You look like a girl!” Phil said.

“I am a girl,” Angela said. “I’m your sister from now on.”

“It’s crazy!” Phil exclaimed. “I mean how much you look like a girl.”

“Now I can’t push him around anymore?” Billy ask

“Her, not him,” Janet said sharply, “and boys should never push girls around, or even other boys for that matter.”

“Sorry, I meant to say her,” Billy said.

“I want to be a good sister to my two brothers,” Angela said.

“Yeah, okay,” Phil said.

“There’s one more thing,” Janet said. “You aren’t to mention Angelo becoming Angela to anyone. When we move to our new home you introduce Angela to your friends as the sister you’ve always had. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom,” Phil said.

“What about you Billy?”

“Yeah, Mom. I won’t mention Angelo to anyone.”

“When are we moving?” Phil asked.

“In four weeks,” Janet said.

***

Before dinner Angela said, “Mommy, can I help you cook?”

Janet smiled. “What brought that on?”

“I want to learn how to cook. Won’t I need to know that one day? You always cook for the family.”

“True. I’d love to have your help. It’s a perfect mother daughter activity!”

“Thank you Mommy. You cooked because Daddy couldn’t cook?”

“You could say that. Oftentimes women are the ones who cook. Some dads can cook also.”

“I can get married one day?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I’ll marry a man?”

“Perhaps. You could also marry a woman. It depends on who you fall in love with.”

“If I marry a man I guess it’ll be good if I know how to cook.”

Janet laughed. “That’s true. But knowing how to cook is good no matter what.”

“Will you teach Phil and Billy?”

“I’m sure that I don’t have the patience for that. Teaching works best when the pupil wants to learn.”

“Like me!”

“True. You’re learning how to be a girl very fast because you want to learn how to be one. I’m very proud of you Angela.”

“What if we had picked Billy to be the girl?”

Janet laughed. “He would not be a good candidate.”

“He doesn’t think like a girl does!”

“How do girls think?” Janet asked.

“They’re kind. They appreciate pretty things. They care more about others.”

“Come here,” Janet said. Angela approached and Janet put her arms around her daughter and hugged her. “You have a pure soul. I’m so proud of you. Your kindness is exactly what the world needs more of!” As Janet held her daughter she realized for the first time that she didn’t need Sal. Angela provided all the moral support necessary for her to keep a positive attitude about the future. The family will surely struggle but having another female voice gave her a daily source of happiness and inspiration.

“You’re crying mommy,” Angela said after the hug.

“Crying for happiness that you’ve become such a lovely daughter. Another girl in the family. I so needed that!”

For the rest of the evening Angela felt a special joy in having helped make her mother happy. At the same time a renewed determination came over her to be the best possible girl she could be. In every detail she would become a girl. She’d turn her back on any of Angelo’s thoughts and actions. She would do her best to banish that boy from her mind.

***

That night after dinner while Angela was admiring her new clothes, Phil and Billy came into her room.

“You get your own bedroom?” Phil said.

“Girls need privacy,” Angela said.

“Don’t you feel weird wearing a skirt?” Phil asked.

Angela laughed. “You’re silly. Why would I feel weird? Skirts are pretty.”

“But, I mean, really?” Phil said.

“I love that girls get to wear skirts and dresses,” Angela said. “I’m happy Mommy made me a girl.”

“What do you wear under your skirt?” Phil asked.

“Panties! You’re so silly. I was wearing tights earlier but I took them off.”

“Can we see inside?” Billy asked.

“You can’t look up inside a girl’s skirt!”

“Just one little peek?” Billy said.

Angela looked at Billy for a few seconds and then said, “Just this once and never ask me again.”

“I promise I’ll never ask you again,” Billy said.

Angela lifted the front of her skirt revealing a cute pair of pink and violet panties. Underneath them she was wearing a gaff her mother had bought her to make sure her penis wouldn’t be visible. “You see I’m wearing panties. Girls wear panties. See how pretty they are!”

“Why would anyone want to wear pretty underwear?” Billy said.

“You’re not a girl so you can’t understand,” Angela said. “Boys wear boring white underwear or boxers that your mommies buy for you. Mommy let me pick out my own pretty underwear.”

“Okay, okay,” Phil said. “You don’t have to get your panties in a twist.” He and Billy laughed.

“I never understand why you boys have to be so mean to me,” Angela said.

“We’re just teasing you. Are you also wearing a bra?” Phil said. “I see straps through your shirt!”

“Yes. Girls wear bras.”

“But don’t you have to have titties?” Phil said and once again he and his brother laughed.

“My breasts will come in a year or so. In the meantime it’s a good idea to wear a training bra so I’ll be ready to wear a bra when I need it.”

“You become a girl and right away you have all these things that get in the way of having fun,” Phil said.

“Girls can have just as much fun as boys if not more. Just different things. I can play games like having a tea party or a pretend wedding. Or I can play field hockey or girl’s basketball though I don’t like basketball.”

“Baseball is the most fun. You can still play ball with us. We’ll let you,” Billy said.

“No, thank you. Why would you want a girl to play baseball with you? You’ve made fun of my baseball playing ever since the first time I’ve played with you. When I throw the ball you tease me and say I throw like a girl. Well now we know why I throw like a girl!”

“We were just messing around,” Billy said.

“Maybe you were, but it hurt my feelings anyway. Now that I’m a girl I finally don’t have to play ball and be made fun of.”

“Like I said, girl games aren’t as much fun as boy games,” Phil said.

“Like I said, that shows how little you know about girls,” Angela said.

***

The night before they were to begin their drive to California, Janet took the kids to dinner at their favorite Mexican restaurant. Janet had purposefully kept Angela close to home during the past month out of concern that neighbors or friends of the family become aware of her conversion to a girl. Janet didn’t want to get into a useless discussion about it, besides having to deal with social services if someone filed a complaint.

When they were getting ready Angela asked her mother, “Can I wear a dress tonight?”

“Of course you can, but please don’t douse yourself with tomatillo sauce!”

Angela laughed. “I’ll be very careful!”

She excitedly went to her closet to decide which dress she should wear. So far she had four dresses. Her favorite was the pink one that was the fanciest. She held it up to herself and looked in the mirror. Maybe it was a bit too fancy for the restaurant. She compared her light blue, violet and red dresses and decided on the blue one. It had puffy shoulders that she liked and a cute skirt with some embroidery on the hem.

Janet had bought some foam falsies that Angela put in her bra. Her mother rationalized the purchase by suggesting that the dresses needed a bit of bosom to look and fit right on her slender body. The falsies together with the padding gave Angela a chest that made her feel a bit self-conscious. It was like she was a grown woman and she wasn’t sure that she was ready for that degree of sexuality. Nonetheless the pleasure she took from enhancing her femininity was very real and almost impossible to resist. The evening was a bit warm for pantyhose and she wore a pair of darling white sox instead.

When everyone was ready to go, they walked out to the car. “Hold the door for your sister,” Janet said to Phil. “That’s part of a being a gentleman.”

Phil opened the back door and Angela gracefully tucked her skirt under her and sat down on the seat and swiveled her legs into the car. “Thank you, Phil.”

“Anytime,” Phil said and got in the front with Janet. Billy sat next to Angela in the back.

“Very good. I’m proud of you Phil. A gentleman always treats a lady with respect. If you’re kind and considerate toward Angela, she’ll be kind and considerate towards you. It a win-win for everybody.”

Her mother’s words sent a blissful feeling running through Angela’s mind. It was so nice to sit here being treated like a girl. No more being expected to do or say boy things with her brothers. It was a dream come true.

***

In the restaurant, Billy managed to get salsa on his shirt. Phil did a bit better but Angela ate slowly and primly and neatly. She was determined to follow and practice every bit of etiquette that her mother had coached her on. “Never forget that girls are superior to boys in every way. We eat with dignity, always look clean and presentable, never swear. Some boys are like that too. I hope you meet one like that to fall in love with one day. I wish my momma would have given me this advice so I wouldn’t have married your mean, slobby dad!”

“But would there still be me? And Phil, and Billy?”

Janet laughed. “No. You’ve made a very good point!”

***

The next morning Janet gathered the kids and their possessions into their car with a U-Haul trailer attached and headed to a new life in the suburbs of Sacramento, California. The thought that Sal would never be seen again – even if he had a change of heart and decided to come back – thrilled Janet. In the months since he had gone she hadn’t received a dime in child support. Good riddance to that despicable man!

As they drove, Janet snuck glances at Angela in the rearview mirror as she looked at the scenery or read a book or talked to her brothers. Having Phil and Billy separated was a stroke of genius that avoided a thousand miles of bickering and inane boy games and conflicts. Angela was sunny all the time. It amazed Janet that the awkward and fearful Angelo had transformed into a cheerful and assured young lady.

A breeze blew through the car and Janet watched Angela’s lengthening hair blow around on her forehead. The two boys had short hair. The difference between them and Angela was widening into a chasm. A delicacy had taken hold in Angela. Her movements were becoming noticeably feminine. The way she held things. The way she opened cabinets and closed them quietly. Folding laundry with Angela was a favorite time of the week for her. The two females – a mom and her daughter – folding clothes and chatting together. The delicate precise way Angela folded socks or sheets and everything in between. The particular care with which she folded her and her mom’s panties and bras was almost poetic. She had such pretty hands. Girl hands for sure. And Angela’s thin arms lacking any muscles were a particular delight to Janet.

Janet went over and over again in her mind the long list of things she had to do when they arrived in California. Luckily the bank had helped her find an affordable, tiny, three-bedroom house. The boys would be together in one bedroom and she and Angela would have private bedrooms. The house came with some furniture and was within walking distance of the schools the kids would go to. Janet had pretended to her acquaintances that she’d send a forwarding address once she found where they had moved to. Unfortunately, she would sever all connections by never sending an address. Sal would have a difficult time finding them – if ever he decided he wanted to. Hopefully it would be impossible.

***

In their California home Angela lovingly decorated her bedroom with her pre-teen girl sensibilities. A plush, pink, circular rug in the center of the room, various dolls and stuffed animals. Posters of male and female singers that she liked. A pink bedspread and pillow covers. Her closet acquired many more dresses, skirts and blouses than she had before the move. A half dozen pairs of shoes were in the closet.

Phil and Billy quickly made friends with the local boys and were off every day playing baseball in a nearby field. Angela spent her time helping her mother decorate the house and otherwise get it fully up and running for their new lives. In some ways she had become an older sister to her brothers because of her greater maturity. She could see beyond the immediate and keep a good perspective on things. She helped her mother with the chores. Doing laundry, cooking the dinner, cleaning the kitchen. She helped her mother delegate responsibilities to her brothers and appealed to their manhood to encourage them to be helpful.

Life as a girl opened up avenues of happiness that were new to Angela and supremely satisfying. She began reading Jane Austin and let her imagination expand ever outwards to dream about how she might fall in love one day. Having gentlemanly suitors and attending cotillions. One day she found herself daydreaming about her wedding and the pretty gown she’d be wearing.

Janet enrolled the kids in school soon after they arrived in California. When records from the previous school arrived, the school secretary called Janet to ask if she knew about the typo. “They have Angela Ilardi as Angelo Ilardi,” she said.

Janet laughed and said, “We’ve had recurring problems with that. Sometimes they fix it, other times they don’t. Hopefully we’ll now have it fixed once and for all time!” The secretary laughed with Janet. Bureaucracy! Can’t live with it. Can’t live without it! Thus, with little pomp, Angela was swept into the public school system as a girl. This aspect of her identity was now official – at least until some future crisis.

Janet had done extensive online research and took Angela to a pediatrician who was reputed to be sympathetic to the transgendered. Dr. Stephanie Erlich turned out to be a young woman not long out of medical school. After she gave a physical exam to Phil and Billy and sent them to the waiting room, Janet went into the doctor with Angela.

“Hello Angela,” Dr. Erlich said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you, Dr. Erlich,” Angela said.

“Your daughter is sweet and your sons are gentlemen,” Dr. Erlich said.

Janet laughed. “I wish those boys were as nice around the house! But you’re right, Angela is as sweet as they come.”

“Angela is eleven almost twelve,” Dr. Erlich said. “I expect she might not be too far from her first period. Do you feel any changes going on in your body? Soreness in your breasts, for example?”

“Doctor Erlich,” Janet interrupted. “I read that you advocate for the empathetic treatment of transgendered kids?”

“Yes, I do …”

“The fact is … Angela is transgendered,” Janet blurted out. “I’m sorry for being so abrupt. I didn’t know how else to tell you about this.”

“No, no, that’s alright. Angela, please tell me about yourself!”

“What would you …”

“Your history. When did you realize you were a girl for starters?”

“I knew that I didn’t like being a boy. I was miserable for a long time having to play baseball with guys. I’m not good and I didn’t enjoy it.”

“I can understand that,” Dr. Erlich said.

“Then I realized I was jealous of the girls in my class at school. I liked how pretty their dresses were. I wished I could have my hair like theirs. And I liked their shoes. I could see the games they played at recess and I wished I could play with them.”

“So when did you involve your mother in your feelings?”

“About a year ago. I was unhappy and she asked me why and I started talking about some of my feelings. I’m not sure exactly how it happened but Mom figured out that I was trying to tell her that I wanted to be a girl. That I felt like I was a girl…”

“And your father? Did you tell him?”

“My dad abandoned the family.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Dr. Erlich said.

“Yes, Angela’s father just announced that he didn’t like being stuck with us – that he was miserable – and so he just left!” Janet said.

“When was this?”

“About the same time that Angela and I began talking about her desire to be a girl.”

“I see. Has she been going to school dressed as a girl?”

“Oh no. This summer, after school ended is when I decided that she should experiment with dressing to her inner gender. This way she would have a chance to see if it’s all that she hopes it to be – without a total commitment. She could see if she accepts herself for who she is. You know, part of my goal here is to have medical professionals confirm what I see in her myself, and, of course, what she sees in herself. If I’m making a mistake with her this is the time to find out.”

“I must commend you for how carefully you’ve approached Angela’s unique situation. I wish all parents were as cautious and yet also open-minded as you are. Angela, what do you see my immediate role ought to be?”

“Dr. Erlich, I know now that I never want to wear boy clothes again,” Angela said. “I know that I am a girl and I want to be a girl among the other girls.”

“So you’re planning to enroll Angela in school as a girl?” Dr Erlich asked.

“Yes, exactly,” Janet said. “So it’s important that Angela stop boy puberty in its tracks and then begin hormone treatments that would help her body conform toward that of her preferred gender. I also think it’s important for Angela to have some sessions with a psychologist who could counsel her on the realities of her future as a girl. I’m hoping you can recommend one.”

This was a speech that Janet had rehearsed in her mind a hundred times. Avoid stridency, allow the doctor to believe their decision is central. In other words, give the doctor an exit ramp so they don’t feel under pressure to agree with Angela’s transition.

“I think you’ve thought of everything,” Dr. Erlich said, laughing. “I know an excellent psychologist to send Angela to. If she gives me a green light after a couple of sessions with her, then we’ll get Angela on puberty blockers. Then in a year we can get her on estrogen and progesterone. Within a year or so from now she could be well on her way to having small breasts and a bit shapelier derriere. From what I’ve seen in the past, those things mean a great deal to young girls of Angela’s ilk.”

***

Of all the things said in the doctor visit, the one that Angela remembered the best is the prediction that in a year or so she’ll likely have small breasts. How utterly marvelous that will be! Later, when alone in her room, she lifted up her blouse and looked at her bra covering her flat chest. She peeked inside the bra and imagined that there was a breast within the cup. She smiled and lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Images of her cute small-breasted chest came to mind. Her bras wouldn’t necessarily need padding or the falsies she sometimes wore, though the combination of her small breasts and padding would be exciting. How nice that would look under her favorite top.

Angela was thinking of this when her mother came in to see her. “Angela dear,” Janet said, “you were marvelous at the doctor’s office. You gave her an accurate picture of your desires, am I right?”

“Yes, Mommy. I want to take the puberty blockers. I’d hate to turn into a man!”

“Good. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist, Dr. Whitney, and that’ll be the true test of whether or not you get the puberty blockers. You heard Dr. Erlich. She sensibly needs approval from Dr. Whitney. So you need to convincingly explain to her that you want to be a girl. More than that, you must show that it’s more than a want – it’s a need – to be a girl. In fact, tell her you are a girl. You know that to be true, deep, deep, deep down inside of you. Okay? You understand?”

“Yes, Mommy. I’m sure that I’m a girl. I have no doubt. Even if they didn’t believe me, I still am a girl!”

“Very good. You know what’s nice, Angela?”

“What, Mommy?”

“What’s nice is that even though you have the hardest path forward in your life of any of us, still you’re the happiest.”

Angela smiled and laughed. “That’s because becoming a girl is the nicest thing that has ever happened to me!”

***

By the time school started Angela had seen Dr. Whitney several times. The psychologist gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up to Dr. Erlich. Thus, as Angela started seventh grade in the local middle school she also started taking puberty blockers. Phil – who was in eighth grade in the same school as Angela – walked with her to school the first morning. Billy’s school was equally close but in a different direction. Janet walked with him the first few days and after that he could be depended upon to get to school himself.

The one fear that Angela had been wrestling with since she came to California was how her first day at school would turn out. For the first time she would be placed smack dab in the middle of a room full of kids. Boys and girls. She’d either be seen as a girl or not. Janet was certain Angela’s innate femininity combined with her dangly earrings, and her long, beautifully painted red fingernails were more than enough to distract anyone from even beginning to suspect that she was transgendered. Angela was not so confident.

One of Angela’s worries was that her hair hadn’t quite reached her shoulders. Janet had told her not to be concerned. If anyone was curious about it she had merely to say that she had shortened it for the hot summer back East. She should have confidence in the feminine styling Janet had created for her. In a month or two she’d take Angela to a local salon and get it styled. “It’s a wee bit too short for the kind of styling you’re going to love. So let’s wait a bit.”

“That’s something I’m really looking forward to!”

“Now that you’re taking the puberty blocker your voice won’t change and you won’t be getting unwanted hair on your body. Better than that, once you take the hormones you’ll go through a kind of girl puberty.”

“You mean I’ll get my breasts like girls do?”

“Yes. But you won’t begin menstruation.”

“Menstruation?”

“Girls start having monthly periods.”

“What’s a period?”

“They bleed from their vagina. You see each month a girl’s body starts getting ready in case they’re going to have a baby. If they don’t get the baby, then they release the blood that was being saved.”

“Wow. But I won’t have a period, will I?”

“No, but you can have a pretend period every month.”

“When would I start doing that?”

“By the end of seventh grade many of the girls in your class will have had their first period. More than half but many will still be waiting and some won’t even get it until high school. Next year, with your hormones, you’ll have breasts and that would be a good time to start your pretend periods. You’ll fit in with some of your classmates who are starting their periods.”

“How will I do that?”

“You can wear menstrual pads in your panties for a few days each month. These are pads that girls wear that collect the blood. They’ll make you feel like you’re no different than the other girls. It could also help … you know …”

“Disguise my bump?” Angela said and laughed.

“You’re way ahead of me Angela. I love that about you!” Janet hugged her. “My beautiful girl.”

***

Angela walked into her homeroom on the first day of school and looked around. Ignoring the boys, she saw a group of four girls wearing dresses talking to each other on the far side of the room. Closer to her was a group of pretty, athletic girls. A couple of them wore cheerleader skirts and tops. The others wore jeans and shorts. A few other girls sitting together had hair streaked in pink and green. A couple of them had small piercings.

Shyness overtook Angela and she didn’t know where she should sit. She went to the back of the room not far from the girls with dresses and sat down. One of the girls from that group noticed Angela and smiled at her. Angela smiled back and the girl beckoned Angela to join them. Angela got up and walked over to them.

“You must be new,” the girl said.

“Yes, my family just moved here from back East.”

“Cool. I’m Mary.”

“I’m Angela.”

“This is Alice, Louise, and Anna,” Mary said, introducing the other girls to her.

Angela said hello to each of them.

“That’s a pretty dress,” Louise said.

“Thank you,” Angela said. “I’m sorry I’m a little nervous. It’s my first day in school in California.”

“We understand completely,” Anna said. “In a day or two you’ll be more comfortable.”

“Hopefully!” Mary said. “The kids here are mostly pretty nice, though it can be hard to get into a clique.”

“Are the four of you a clique?” Angela asked.

Mary laughed. “I guess so, but we’re the kind of clique that is happy to make new friends.”

“I’m glad to hear that!” Angela said.

“As you can see we wear dresses to school – at least on the first day,” Louise said.

“And probably most days, but not all days,” Alice said.

“That’s different than the other girls?” Angela asked.

“Look around the room!” Mary said.

“Over there are the cool girls,” Anna said, pointing to the girls wearing the cheerleader skirts. “And those are obviously our counter-culture girls,” she indicated the girls with dyed hair.

“What are you considered to be?” Angela asked.

“We’re the girly girls!” Mary said and they all laughed.

“Seriously,” Alice said, “the other kids tend to think of us as brainiacs. We enjoy learning and we get good grades.”

“I really like that,” Angela said.

“Don’t get us wrong. We like boys but we think there’s a lot more to life than worrying about which boy might ask us out or want to kiss us,” Louise said.

Angela laughed. “Those are my thoughts exactly. You girls are making me feel so much better than I expected for my first day!”

“Despite what Louise said, we should nonetheless fill Angela in about the different boys and what to expect from them,” Mary said.

“Good idea,” Anna said. “Sometimes we get together after school or on the weekends. It will be nice if you can join us and we can get you up to speed with everyone.”

“I would truly love that!” Angela said.

Angela looked closely at each of her new friends. None of them had a notably developed bust though Mary had more than could be accounted for by a padded bra. At least that’s what it seemed like to Angela. These were the first girls that she would become friends with. For the first time she’d be confronting the moral dilemma of deciding how much she should tell them about her past as Angelo. She was sure her mother would tell her not to say anything. To pretend that she’d always been a girl. The problem with that was her penis. Of course she thought of it as her vagina, but the girls who saw it wouldn’t think of it in that way.

***

Janet was anxious to find out how Angela’s first day at school went. Every few minutes she looked out the window for her and at 3:30 she saw her coming down the block talking to another girl. Her heart did a somersault at the sight. Had Angela made a friend already? She watched as the two girls chatted in front of the house and then the other girl kept walking and Angela came up the front path.

“Was that a friend?” Janet asked. “On the first day of school?”

“Yes, Mommy,” Angela said gaily. “That’s Mary. She lives a few blocks further down the road.”

“Tell me, tell me!”

“She liked my dress and she introduced me to her friends Louise, Anna, and Alice. The four of them were also wearing pretty dresses for the first day of school. It turned out that we have similar experiences and interests in many other areas. They invited me to join them when they get together after school or sometimes on weekends.”

Janet held back tears of happiness. The thought that she had set Angela up for an isolated and lonely future had been weighing on her mind. She needed Angela’s peers to see her the way that she saw her – as a demure and gentle girl with a kind heart. It now seemed that her wishes had come true. Angela would fit in with girls like herself. She’ll prosper and live a happy life.

***

A couple of months later, as the Thanksgiving holiday was approaching, Angela came home from school with Mary as she did every day. Waiting outside her house was a man that she immediately recognized as her father, Sal. She whispered to Mary, “Please stay with me for a minute!”

“Sure, Angela. What’s the problem?”

“I’m a little scared of this man.”

“Sure, okay.”

The man stood up from where he had been sitting on the front steps of the house. “Hello,” he said. “No one was home so I was waiting to speak to someone here.”

Angela stood in front of her father. “What would you like?”

“The Ilardis live here, right? I saw that on the internet.”

“Yes.”

“You see, I’ve been going around the country looking for a single parent Ilardi family with three boys. They’re 11, 12, and 13. Phil, Angelo, and Billy. I was hoping that this is the family.”

“I’m sorry. I only have two brothers.”

“Darn. Sorry to bother you. It’s funny but you remind me of my son Angelo, though I don’t mean to be insulting. You’re obviously a girl and he’s a boy.”

“I hope you find your sons,” Angela said.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve still got twenty more Ilardis to chase down. I’m sure I’ll find them eventually!” Sal got into a car and drove off.

When he was gone, Mary said, “That was weird.”

“You’re telling me,” Angela said. “Thanks for staying.”

“That’s amazing that he thought you were Angelo and your name is Angela,” Mary said.

“I know! Freaky!”

“Aren’t your brothers Phil and Billy?”

“Yeah.” Angela’s heart sank. Mary could see what was going on here.

“You have a single parent family.”

“Yeah.”

Mary stared at Angela until Angela averted her eyes. “Are you …?”

Angela fought off tears as best she could. She could see the beautiful world she had built around herself falling apart.

Mary moved closer and put her arms around Angela. She laughed and said, “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

That caused Angela to cry harder. Mary got out a tissue and handed it to Angela. Angela blew her nose and calmed down. “You’re the best friend a girl could ever have.”

“Whenever you’re ready to tell me your story I’ll listen,” Mary said. “Your dad seemed like a nice man, though I’m sure there’s more to it than that.” Mary turned to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Mary. I love you,” Angela said.

“I love you too!” Mary blew her a kiss and walked away. Angela watched her go down the block.

***

Angela let herself into the empty house. Billy would soon be home. Phil probably later. He’d be playing ball with friends. Mommy would be back about five o’clock. She wondered if she should tell Mommy about Sal or not?

After Billy came home Angela went up to her bedroom and lay on the bed. It was too late to undo sending her father away. Should she feel guilty about that or not? Should she tell her mother what had happened? Should she tell her that Mary knows the secret? More than anything Angela wanted to be Angela. If her mommy knew that Sal was looking for them she might change her mind about seeing him. If her dad returned to the family he might force her to revert to Angelo! That was a thought that was too horrible to contemplate.

On the other hand, Angela hated keeping an important secret from her mother. But, no, no, no! Telling her could jeopardize her entire life! It was too big a risk! As hard as it was to do, she had to hide Sal’s visit from the family.

***

In bed that night Angela spent a restless hour replaying the incident with her father over and over again in her mind. Mercifully she finally fell asleep. But, a few hours later she awoke with a start. She lay shivering in the bed frightened that her father might appear at any moment. She got up and snuck into her mother’s bed and cuddled next to her sleeping body. Janet woke up and said, “What’s the matter?”

Angela burst into tears. Her mother held her tightly and asked again what was the matter. “Daddy came looking for us today,” Angela said in halting words. She recounted what had happened including Mary being a witness and figuring out the truth.

Janet froze and then slowly began breathing again. “So you totally kept our secret from Sal?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Don’t cry. I’m glad you told me. You did the right thing this afternoon even though it must have been hard.”

“Now you can’t see him. Phil and Billy can’t see him.”

“That was decided when he left us. We have nothing to feel guilty about. We owe him nothing.”

“My first thought when I saw Daddy was that he wouldn’t let me be Angela. I was so terrified! Can he do that?” Angela began crying again.

“No matter what happens you’ll always be Angela. No one will ever take that away from you. I promise.”

“Thank you, Mommy. I feel better now. Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course you can,” Janet said.

A minute later Angela said, “Daddy thought I was a girl.”

“You are a girl,” Janet said, leaning over to kiss Angela on the forehead.

The End