Sally and I continued working out how we could downsize our lives smoothly and simply. It soon became evident that once you have put down roots in one place for any length of time, those roots spread out and it all gets rather complicated.

After a month, we had a plan… of sorts. It all seemed so simple on paper. Sell our house, buy a new one somewhere and move. The list of organisations that needed to be informed of our move covered nearly three sides of paper. Many of them would have their own requirements about changing addresses.

We agreed that we'd spend an hour in the morning on the project and an hour in the late afternoon. In between that, we'd go about our normal lives as if nothing had happened. We also agreed that none of this should be presented to our children until it was a done deal and by that, we both were clear that was when the sale of our current home 'completed' and the purchase of our new one had reached the same point in the selling/buying process.

We rented two storage units in a town about thirty miles away. One was for stuff that we just didn’t use from one month to another and the other was for things to sell or recycle. I thought about trading in our car for one that could carry a lot more in the back but Sally would have none of it.

“We need two vehicles until we are all moved. Besides, getting a brand new, even a new but used car would lead to all sorts of questions from the children, the first of which would be ‘can you afford it’, so… we get something of a similar age and price bracket. That will deflect the questions about cost especially as Nathan loves going on about his company Audi.”

I could not argue with her logic so I bought a small SUV after selling my old one to one of those sites that advertise on TV that would buy any car as long as it was a runner. Our story for the children was that the old one had rusted badly and would not pass its MOT so a new but slightly used car was the solution. They didn’t comment because they knew how rusty the body was.

The SUV wasn’t new by any means but it would do the job especially as it came with a six-month warranty which would get us over the move. It also had 4WD which I thought was a bit redundant, but Sally said,

“What if we buy somewhere that is deep in the country, up a hill that gets slippery in the wet?”

Again, her logic was impeccable.

It hurt me deeply that my mind was still not functioning properly. The shock of being ousted from the company that I’d built from nothing was right there, front and centre in everything I did. Sally more than compensated for that. Her ability to understand me and keep me on the straight and narrow, made me love her even more.

One evening she said to me,
“Darling, you have shown most of the stages of grief. You are grieving over the loss of your baby. The final stages are a bit on/off. You have begun to think about the future but then the old habits come to the surface. Going off to your workshop is one of those steps backward.”

Her words hurt me deeply. The fact that she was 100% right only served to make it worse.

“Try to stop thinking back to life before they kicked you out. It is our future that we need to concentrate on right now. There is nothing more that you can do about that. The lawyers are dealing with the settlement. It is long past time that you start thinking about the future for us.”

Gradually our moving plan began to take shape. Pro-forma letters had been written on the computer to all the organisations that we needed to inform of our move. All that needed filling in was the new address and the date of the move.

Over dinner one evening Sally looked me in the eye and said,
“Your mind isn’t on this is it?”

She was being direct as usual. That’s what I loved about her. She didn’t pussyfoot around the subject for days.

“It is hard not to think about the past. Those first couple of years were in hindsight mad. We were living from hand to mouth, but there is no denying that it was exciting.”

“Then we need something creative for you to occupy your mind and I don’t mean working on a new invention ok.”

There was a glint in her eyes that told me that she had a plan.

“Ok, what is your cunning plan?”

She smiled.
“Unlike Baldrick, I think this has a good chance of succeeding.”

I waited for the bombshell. She’d done this before… many times.

“I think you need a complete change in your outlook on life.”

“Eh? I don’t understand?”

She grinned.
“How about becoming one of the fairer sex?”

It took a second or three for what she’d said to register.

“What? Me become a woman? You mentioned this as part of our way to handle Nathan and the answer is still no way in hell.”

“I did, but that was just for effect. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that your new project was staring me… us right in the face. Become my wife at least for a while. It will be fun for me to have a BFF.”

“I don’t know about this. This is a big step you know? For you as well as me…”

“I’ll be here for you, but at least it will focus your mind on something positive and not hark back to the loss of your baby.”

She was right. She usually was. That’s why we’d made such a great couple. We just worked so well together. The number of times that we’d had a real argument could be counted on the fingers of one hand and that was after twenty-nine years of marriage.

“Ok, say I agreed to this what do you want me to do?”

“Firstly, this is between us. Like the move. Nathan would never accept it. He’s been talking about moving to a house closer to us so that… well, you know.”

“Money. It is all about money and appearances with him. He can never have enough of it. We failed with him, didn’t we?”

“We did but it wasn’t for the want of trying, was it?”

“It wasn’t. So? How do we do this?”

“We don’t rush into things for starters. That would be a recipe for disaster. I think we need a centre of operations. Your workshop perhaps?”

The loss of my little domain was going to hurt but since I’d been let go, I hardly went there for anything but to mope around.

“Ok. I get that. It can be locked up so that prying eyes can’t see it. What then?”

Sally grinned.
“Then I start teaching you the deep dark secrets of how to pass as a woman.”

A huge abyss opened up before me.

She reached over and took my hand.

“You hinted at this sort of thing a while ago and I dismissed it didn’t I?”

She grinned.
“More like you just hoped that I’d forget about it… You are forgiven. Moving home is the perfect opportunity to become a new person.”

“Wait… Are you saying that I should live as a woman from now on?”

“Why not. We can have so much fun together.”

“As a lesbian couple…”

I wondered where she had got this idea from but it just seemed so absurd that it might work. Part of my mind wanted to run for the hills. Part wanted to stay and the last part was saying ‘You are doomed I tell ye, doomed’.

“At least give it a try. You have to pack up your workshop for the move, don’t you?”

Again, she was right.
“We don’t have anywhere to go do we plus, this place is not on the market yet… or is it?”

She grinned back at me. I knew that look.
“I went into Martin’s the last time I was in town and discussed the possibility of selling the house. They were chomping at the bit. In case you haven’t noticed this, our little street has become ‘hot’ in the property market. The Lindsay’s old place sold in three days for fifty above asking price.”

She let that sink in before saying,
“Lets’ sleep on it for a couple of days and then talk again?”

I knew that I’d lost the argument. It was just a question of by how much.

---

Sally kept to her word… when didn’t she? She didn’t raise the subject of my new challenge for several days. I did catch her looking at me with a wry smile on her face. That only served to increase my sense of impending doom.

My problem was that no matter what I tried I could not come up with a viable ‘Plan B, C, D or Z’ that I could offer as an alternative. I sort of accepted my fate so I began to think beyond the undoubted humiliation of being outed at least once and to the longer term.

I began a list of questions and objections. Could we make it as what appeared to be a lesbian couple? Would Sally expect me to buy the house while a woman? Would that lock me into this life forever? What about our children? Nathan was easy. He’d go ballistic, storm off, and never speak to us again.

That last item had its own attraction. Nathan was a constant reminder of how we’d failed as parents. He was a bad egg who was attracted by all the wrong people and organisations. His dalliances with the National Front, the BNP and worse was an embarrassment to all of the family. While I felt sorry for his family, his wife was behind him all the way.

To give Nathan a bloody nose would be nice even if he is our son. He even tried to recruit me to the BNP one Easter. He’d even got their signature tattoo to prove his loyalty to the cause. His one-man crusade had ruined the weekend which also happened to be our silver wedding anniversary. It is the little things like that that stick in the throat. Our relationship has never recovered from that low point even though he says that he’s done with politics. His posts on 4-Chan and other non-mainstream sites tells us that he’s probably lying through his back teeth.

Then there was the little matter of me passing in public as a woman. My face? My hair? My figure? My voice? It all seemed to be like trying to climb Mt Everest five times in five days, impossible.

I spent an hour adding a few more items to the list. Then I took it into my workshop and put the sheet into one of the reference books that filled three shelves above a bench. This was normal for me and my method of sitting on something for a while.

---

Sally smiled at me when I returned to the house.

“Made your list yet?”

“Something like that. It is full of ways to get one over on Nathan and some other stuff.”
I deliberately downplayed the bits about becoming a woman.

She laughed.
“You are evil, Graham Ward, evil…”

“Not evil Mrs Ward just getting payback for our silver anniversary debacle. Bringing a bunch of his so-called friends from the BNP was beyond the pale especially when they tried to convert your late mother.”

“Ah yes. I nearly gave him one between the legs… Mum saved me the job.”

“Oh yeah. They all beat a hasty retreat after that but the damage had been done. It is well past time for us to get our own back.”

“It is but… don’t you think that we should give Marcus a bit of a heads up? You know just so that he can go along with Nathan…?”

“Possibly but that isn’t something that we need to decide right now, is it? There are more important things to decide like what sort of outfit I’m going to wear when we exit stage left?”

It took a second for Sally to understand what I had just said. When she did, she burst out laughing.
“You nearly had me there…”

“Me? Not me. I was serious, perfectly serious.”
I took her hands in mine.
“If I am going to live for the foreseeable future as a woman then what better time to make a debut than the morning of the 26th?”

“Are you sure about this? It is a big step.”

“It is a big step for both of us, isn’t it?”

“It is but…?”

“Are you thinking about all the things left to do?”

“I am. So many and so little time. Changing my appearance is just the starters. I’m going to have to rely on you for all that stuff.”

“Then we prioritise like we used to do before the kids came along. We did all right then didn’t we?”

“We did. I suppose that I should make a list?”

“No need Mrs Ward. I have one… or at least a start of one. There is plenty of room on it for extras.”

She leaned over and kissed me. For a moment, I felt twenty-something again.

---

Our home sold in three days for thirty thousand pounds over the asking price. That was the key for me to panic and then get moving. My workshop was cleared and turned into a temporary dressing room. I bought a cheap wardrobe from a charity shop. The door had a full-length mirror on the door. I removed the door and screwed it to the wall. Sally provided a makeup mirror and lights.

On the first weekend after the sale, we went to Birmingham where she dragged me around the Merry Hill shopping centre to look at clothes and makeup. I say look… that was the original aim but soon went by the board and we returned with a car full of female paraphernalia. Sally left me to hang everything up while preparing dinner for us.

I knew her plan… She wanted me to appear wearing one of the outfits that we’d bought. I wasn’t going to do that. I was keeping that embarrassment for another day, a day when she was working.

What I did do was apply use some makeup remover/cleanser and clean my face. I was surprised at just how much dirt came off. Just to please my long-suffering wife, I then applied some moisturiser. I’d see her do that for years… It was my turn now.

The next two months were split between reducing our ‘stuff’, buying a place to live and my transformation. Sally left most of it to me as I was just one of the ranks of unemployed men in the country. Being a former company director I was unable to apply for any benefits at that time. The upside of that was that I didn’t have to show to some faceless civil servant that I was actively looking for a new job for at least 16 hours a week.

It wasn’t as if I didn’t have executive recruitment agencies ringing me up and promising me the earth if I’d sign up with them. I fobbed them off by giving them a version of the truth in that we were moving to a different part of the country and that I was doing nothing on the job front until after the new year.

One weekend trip away was all it took us to find a new home. It was a two-bedroom cottage made from Cotswold Stone and located up a steep hill to the east of the village of Winchcombe. The nearest big town/city was Cheltenham. As we saw the place for the first time, I said, you were right about needing four-wheel drive. A lot of leaves on the road made it very slippery. Sally said to me grinning,
“This is it isn’t it?”

We hadn’t even stepped inside at that point.
“If the inside is anything like the agents’ photos, then yes it is.”

We put in an offer that day. It was accepted less than an hour later.

That put all the pressure back on me. Sally was very patient with me and by the end of November, I was dressing in women’s clothes every day while working around the house. I still hadn’t made my public debut but I grew in confidence at least in making myself appear like a woman. The arrival of a few wigs in different styles and colours helped me cover up my bald patch. The image of myself in the mirror was looking better by the day. I eventually settled on a Chestnut Brown shoulder length style. It was only then that I understood something Sally said, was right. I needed to make my hair colour count when selection outfits.

That night, I deliberately did it all wrong. Sally saw through my ruse in seconds. It was nice to have someone I trusted implicitly in my corner.

After that incident, Sally started to comment on my choice of colours, good or bad. I took that as a sign that my time for experimenting was over and from then on, I had to get serious about how I looked all the time. It was hard but I’d never been one to let things get on top of me.

[1st December]
Sally took the new me for my first outing as a woman to a mid-market pub about thirty miles from home. We had a nice meal but I never really interacted with anyone. At least no one started screaming, ‘it is a man in a dress!’. That was enough until it was time to face my family at Christmas.

---

[24th December, late afternoon]

“That’s it my darling, we are as ready as we can be,” I said as I closed the last bag that needed packing.

“Not quite. These bags need to be taken to the storage unit. No sense in making it easy for them to suss out what is happening.”

“That’s the last job then we can relax until the morning.”

“The calm before the storm?”

I smiled.
“Well… there is that aspect. We should enjoy it while we can. When the hordes arrive, it will be full on for the whole day tomorrow.”

“And we are going to enjoy every minute of it aren’t we Paula?”

I liked it when Sally used my new name. I’d laboured long and hard on that particular decision before deciding on ‘Paula’.

“It is Graham for another 36 hours. Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t.”
She kissed me. Things had been a lot more intimate between us since we had embarked on this adventure. At first, I thought that it was just the lack of pressure on me from running the company but she soon got rid of that opinion. Sally admitted that she was looking forward to having a BFF in her life.

“Now get those bags stored away. Don’t forget to check that we will have access on the 26th.”

“I did check, but I’ll do it again.”

---

[The morning of the 26th December]

“I can hear people moving about downstairs,” said Sally.
“Yeah. Marcus has been out the back for a smoke. So much for giving up.”

“Leave him alone. He was a twenty a day man less than a year ago.”
“True. Ok, I’ll forgive him... this time.”

I leaned over and kissed my wife.
“Are you ready to exit stage left?”

She smiled back.
“I am. I think that we should get going. The hordes will soon be discovering the lack of food.”

“The supermarkets are open…”

“Oh, the irony…” said Sally.
She gave me a kiss with soft lips.

“I’ll try to keep them under control but I’m sure that it won’t be long before they start wanting ‘More’.”

I chuckled. We’d watched the film ‘Oliver’ a little over a week before.
“Twenty-five minutes and I should be ready to make an appearance.”

“I’ll be watching and waiting patiently.”
I gave her a little kiss and a gentle slap on the backside.

“More please!” she teased.

---

I could hear the sounds of the 'hordes' getting fed as I got dressed. To say that I had huge butterflies in my stomach would be an understatement. Sally and I had practised this moment at least twice a day for the past week.

I was nearly ready when I heard a voice from downstairs.
“Darling, are you ready?”

“Almost,” I called back.

My last job was to put on my wig. This would make it very clear to everyone that things had changed in our lives.

After a last check in the mirror, I walked out of our bedroom for the last time and down the stairs.

“Hello everyone. Your mother and I have an announcement.”

Several mouths dropped open in surprise. Marcus smiled.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” said Nathan.

“Language son, language,” said Sally.

“What sort of trick are you playing?” said Nathan.

“There is no trick son,” I said softly.
“This is who I am from now on. My name is legally Paula and has been since last week.”

“Your Mother and I are also moving. In case you have not noticed, there are only the leftovers from yesterday in the larder. The freezer is empty,” said Sally.

“What your mother is saying is… You are welcome to stay until the second of January but you will have to buy the food. On the morning of the second, the movers are coming so you will have to leave. The new owners are moving in on the third.”

“You can’t sell,” claimed Nathan.
“It is my home.”

“No Nathan. Your home is with your family not here. Anyway, the sale is all done and money exchanged. We… that is the new owners and us came to an arrangement for us to delay the move until the new year because getting removals organised for the week before Christmas is very difficult.”

“But…” he muttered.
“Where will you go?”

I smiled at Sally.
“Where we are going is for the time being, our business. For the short term, we are going on a second honeymoon. If you recall, we had one planned for our silver anniversary but Nathan ruined that by following us to the hotel and spouting all that right wing crap to all the residents along with his so-called friends.”

I took Sally’s hand and together, we marched out the front door. At the bottom of the steps, I turned and said,
“Will the last one out please turn off the lights and lock the front door.”

I got in the car and said,
“Time to go my dear.”

“I think so to my dear.”

The last view I had of the house was of Nathan arguing with his older brother. Marcus was just smiling at us as we drove away.

We hadn’t gone far before I started to have second thoughts about this game of deception we’d been playing.
Sally noticed the frown lines on my forehead.

“Second thoughts?” she asked from behind the driving wheel.

“Some.”

“We’ll get through this darling. We are nearly there.”

“Is our grand plan turning into a ‘cunning plan’?”[1]

Sally chuckled.
“No chance of that. We have sold our old home, bought a smaller home in a delightful part of the country and walked out on our children just as we’d planned.”

“What about me?”

“You look delightful my darling. Still a few rough edges especially your voice but seeing you walk out of our old house with a swing of your hips was very good.”

“Ok. I have to admit I did enjoy that part but… the long-term implications are still a big mystery. Like your phone. It has been going bonkers ever since we left.”

“That’s why I switched it onto silent.”

“Mine is strangely silent. I wonder why?”, I said with a smile on my face.

Sally shook her head.
“You got a new number after getting the big heave-ho. Did you bother to give out your new number to the family? No… you didn’t.”

I laughed.
“If I recall, it was you who suggested that very thing.”

“I did, didn’t I?” replied Sally laughing.

I looked across at her and gave thanks to whoever it was that ensured that our marriage would not go stale like so many others.

---

Our destination was a Hotel in the Cotswold town of Broadway. Our grand plan was to see in the new year there before officially taking possession of our new home some 10 miles away just outside the small town of Winchcombe.

We’d spent our first honeymoon at the same hotel so we thought that it would be nice to return.

Sally surprised me with a new dress for our first evening of freedom. At first, I was a bit hesitant as it was an ‘off the shoulder’ number but she made me try it on. I looked pretty good thanks to the waist clincher that she’d insisted that I start wearing more than a month ago. At least it wasn’t a corset…!

We went to dinner arm in arm. More than a few men watched our every movement. For a while, I felt like a fraud. Sally noticed that I'd stiffened up. She leaned into me and gave me a brief kiss on the cheek. It felt good and with her at my side, I relaxed.

Dinner was just as I’d hoped it would be. Good food, good wine, great conversation and the world ceased to exist for two hours.

It was getting late when we walked into the lift and headed towards our room. While we waited for the lift doors to close, we kissed… passionately. That was the first real public show of our love for each other as the new me. Any nervousness that I might have had soon disappeared.

---

Our week together was, to put it bluntly, just what the doctor ordered. We explored the area during the short winter days and ate well in the evenings. Even the tourist hot spots of Stow and Bourton were bearable. The almost complete absence of coach parties was very noticeable.

We formally became owners of a two-bedroom cottage built from the lovely warm Cotswold stone on the 2nd of January. Sally and I spent the day cleaning our home. We planned where things would go when the removal company arrived the following day with our furniture.

It soon became clear that we hadn’t downsized enough. We had a good laugh over it.

Sally gave me a big kiss.
“Regrets?”

“About giving up work?”

“That and the new you…”

“Not now. I was lying in bed last night thinking about this very thing and no, I have no regrets. What about you?”

“Not with you at my side.”

“Which me? The old or the new?”

“The new one silly.”

“Then you can call the kids and tell them where we are and that we only have one spare bedroom.”

Sally chuckled.
“I walked right into that didn’t I?”

“I’ll do the cooking tomorrow night.”

“Deal!”

“This downsizing is not as bad as I first thought it would be. It has opened up a whole new life for both of us.”

Nathan posted some very libellous statements about both of us on social media. Marcus replied simply stating that without the two of us, he’d never have come into existence. A few weeks later, Marcus came to visit. His bombshell news was that Nathan had been thrown out of the family home for bringing some of his ultra right-wing friends home unannounced. He’d demonstrated that he was master of the house by slapping his wife in the face right in front of their children. One of them had called the Police and Nathan had been charged with assault. It turned out that one of the ‘friends’ was an undercover police officer.

While it hurt us that one of our children was possibly going to have a criminal record, we felt that it would be better for our grandchildren if he was no longer in the picture.

Spring arrived and the beauty of the location of our home came into its own.

On night after we’d been ‘downsized’ for almost six months, Sally snuggled up closer to me and played with my fake breasts.
“It is your birthday soon. Would you like to get rid of these stick-on ones?”

That was an offer that I would find hard to refuse. I’d become very comfortable living as a woman and … well, the massive change that had happened in the past year has really revived our passion for each other and for life together. Those dark days after my ousting seemed to be a whole lifetime ago.

Life is a series of battles. Some big, some small. Some you win, some you lose. I’d lost the battle with my baby… aka, the company that I founded, but Sally and I were closer than ever and yes, the old me is dead and buried. Being Paula presents its own set of challenges but with my partner for life, Sally at my side, it was one that I was sure that we were going to come out on top.

The times that I did a ‘what if’ and thought back to what might have happened if I hadn’t been ousted in a boardroom coup began to diminish. I had accepted that ‘what was done was done’ and there was no going back and now some six months on, I had no regrets about it. With Sally at my side, we were ready to start a new phase of our life… together.

[The end]
[Postscript]
Sally did treat me to some enhancements for my birthday. I returned the compliment and we left the clinic wondering where our feet were… That was one area where we didn’t downsize.

[1] A ‘cunning plan’ is a phrase made famous in the BBC TV series “Blackadder”. Baldrick would come up with a ‘cunning plan’ in almost every episode. That plan was totally impractical and would never have worked.