After we both cleaned up, we went to bed. Phil held me gently all through the night. My mind was in turmoil. Was he serious about wanting me to be a wife? If he was, could I do it? This was a life-changing decision. As I lay awake I could hear him breathing closely behind me.
I was acutely aware of the silky white baby doll I was wearing. The knickers had three rows of thick lace on the back. I couldn't resist brushing my hand over them as I turned onto my left side.
I kept thinking about what he said. "You're mine now Sarah. I am never letting you go."
Did he mean that? Could I live a Sarah full time? My imagination ran wild. I would move to his house and live as a woman. I would have my own drawers full of lingerie that I would be expected to wear every day. I would have closets full of dresses, skirts and blouses. I would have so many pairs of shoes and boots to choose from. I started to feel my nipples harden as they brushed my silky nighty.
I had a very boring life as a man. I existed, that was all. I lived day to day so I could dress and be Sarah at weekends. It was such a huge decision. My life would never be the same. Phil seemed like a sweet guy. Sweet guy? I was starting to think as a woman now.
I felt Phil shifting. His right arm came around my shoulder and settled on my right breast. It felt so good as he gently squeezed. He shifted his whole body against mine as he moved closer. He bent his knees forcing mine to bend. We were in the classic spoon position. I was the little spoon. I felt his cock start to harden as it brushed the ruffles on the back of my knickers.
I felt so vulnerable and feminine. I could smell his masculine scent as he nuzzled the back of my neck. I felt him kiss my shoulder and work his way up to my ear.
"Don't worry my dear. I want you, but we both need our sleep. I just wanted to tell you something."
"Yes, Phil. What is it?"
"I..I think I am falling in love with you."
"Oh? Oh.. er thank you. Can we talk about this in the morning?"
"I'm sorry. I don't want to scare you off, but I need to let you know how I feel."
He kissed me and held me tight. I drifted back to sleep. I lay awake thinking what all this meant. Could I love a man? I never thought of myself as gay, but gay, and straight were just words used by humans to put others into boxes. Love was love. I was flattered. It choked me up when I realized that no one had said they loved me for so many years. He loved me.
When the long weekend was over, Phil popped the question to me on the ride back.
"Sarah, I know this is a big decision, and please take your time answering. Would you consider living with me as Sarah full-time? We can live as man and wife. You could be Sarah for the rest of your life. You probably don't see it, but I do. You have a radiance about you as Sarah. You should have always been a woman."
I had feared he would ask this, yet I wanted it. Sarah wanted to be free. She wanted her turn. Giving up your whole life as a man is a huge thing to do though.
"Phil, I am so grateful for what you have done. I don't think I have been happier in my life than I have been in the last few days."
"Well then why even think about it say yes."
"It would be so easy to do that Phil, but I have a job and a life as a man."
"You would not have to work again. I will take care of you, Sarah. I would just want you to do what any housewife does. Washing, cooking, cleaning, and ironing. That and stay looking damm sexy and beautiful."
I nearly shuddered thinking about that life. I had a vision of myself pushing a trolly around a supermarket. I could feel the lace of my knickers gently brushing my legs. The suspenders tugging at my stockings as I walked. The clicking of my boots on the tiled floor. This would be how I could live my life. I took all my willpower not to scream yes.
"Phil, please understand that this is something I have dreamed about, but sometimes you must never have your dreams come true. I need to take time to think about this."
He seemed crestfallen. I was crying as we neared my flat. With teary eyes he said.
"Sarah. I love you. I would give you everything. I want you to be my wife. I will give you a white wedding if that is what you want. But I respect you, so just do this for me. I don't think I can bring myself to talk to you if you say no. I will come by your flat at nine o'clock next Friday. If you want to live with me leave your curtains open and put your light on. If I see no light I will know."
He helped me to my front door and pecked me on my cheek. It was heart-wrenching watching him walk back to his car. What had I done?
Tuesday was awful at work. I could not concentrate. I got balled out for mistakes and my clothes felt horrible. Those days with Phil were magical, but could I live full-time as Sarah? What about when I needed to visit the doctor or my driver's license?
I looked into it when I got home. The solution was to get a Gender Recognition Certificate. I had to convince a panel that I was going to remain living as a woman for the rest of my life. That would take a couple of years. I could change my name by deed pole. That was a lot easier, it just took a few months.
I had been a man all my life. I never liked it, but it was the hand I had been dealt. Could I make such a huge change? Did I deserve to be happy?
Friday 9 P.M.
Phil had had an awful week. He could not understand why Sarah could not see who she really was. Perhaps he had come on too fast. He had only known her for a few weeks and he had asked her to be his wife. He cursed his impulsive nature. It had served him well in business though. he made quick decisions that had made him wealthy.
He felt sick to his stomach as he turned the corner. He dreaded looking up. As he did he nearly crashed the car into a lamppost. In the window of Sarah's flat, blazed a powerful light. It shone out like a lighthouse, but instead of warning sailors away, it welcomed him in.
I heard the frantic banging on the front door and nearly tripped in my stiletto heels trying to run to answer it. I opened it and saw a grinning Phil panting and gasping. He must have run up the stairs.
"Just your living room light would have done," Phil said.
I smiled. "I wanted to make sure you saw it. It was a work light I got in a sale. I don't suppose I'll never need it again."
Phil pushed through the door and lifted me off my feet and span me around.
"You won't regret this. I going to make you a very happy woman."
"I love you, Phil. I understand that now. I am going to be the perfect wife."
One year later.
I savored the sound of my heels clicking as I walked around the huge kitchen. My petticoats billowed out as I dipped down to put the shepherd's pie in the oven. Phil would be back soon and I thought I would give him a treat. I walked to the hall to check my look. I was wearing a low-cut black dress with white polka dots. It flared out at my hips, held there by the ample net petticoats I wore. I loved them, as they tickled my legs through the seamed nylon stocking I was wearing.
I reached into my bra and adjusted my breasts. I was 38 C cup. I had the augmentation two months ago. It felt wonderful having my own breasts. My hair had grown long enough to style and I had it in a 1950's bob cut. I looked every inch the 1950's housewife. I had noticed Phil looking at the women in Mad Men. I thought I would see how he liked my new look.
"Sarah, I'm home."
"I'm in the kitchen honey."
He stopped at the door, staring at me, wide-eyed.
"You like?"
"Oh my god. Yes"
I could see the bulge grow in his trousers. He practically lept on me. His hands were everywhere. We were kissing and fumbling. I undid his belt and he stepped out of his trousers and underwear. I sat on a chair and took him into my mouth. His eyes rolled back into his head as I worked my magic on his shaft. I felt him tense up, but then he pulled out.
"What's the matter?"
"You look so good I just have to have you."
He bent me over the kitchen table and fluffed the petticoats up to reveal my vintage silk French knickers. He slid his cock up the wide lace-trimmed leg and found my hole. I had prepared myself for this. He slipped in gently. I groaned into the tablecloth. He pounded me hard. I had excited him so much he couldn't help himself. I loved this power I had over him. It is so nice to be wanted.
He finished quickly and helped me to my feet.
"Sorry dear, but you got me so turned on you little minx."
"That was the idea, honey. I want to show you how grateful I am."
"You don't need to. You are the perfect wife. I mean that I couldn't ask for more."
I smiled at that. I understood. He was right. As I climbed the stairs to change my knickers I called out.
"Dinner in twenty minutes. Shepards pie, your favorite."
"You are just too perfect love. I'm taking you out for a meal tomorrow."
I was the perfect wife. I knew men because I was one. Men just want a peaceful home, no drama. They are not mind readers. Women get upset and expect men to know exactly what is wrong with them. Women use sex as a weapon. I never reject Phil, even if I don't feel like having sex. I know how rejection feels. I spend time making sure I look pretty and sexy when I'm with him. I knew this because my wife had done all those things to me. He asks so little for giving me this perfect life. I love spending my time as a wife.
Comments
For what are we without love?…..
“If I have all the eloquence of men or of angels, but speak without love, I am simply a gong booming or a cymbal clashing. If I have the gift of prophecy, understanding all the mysteries there are, and knowing everything, and if I have faith in all its fullness, to move mountains, but without love, then I am nothing at all. If I give away all that I possess, piece by piece, and if I even let them take my body to burn it, but I am without love, it will do me no good whatever. Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”
One of the biggest traps in any relationship is that the better you know someone, the easier it is to push their buttons. The longer you live with someone, the more you know exactly what to say to hurt them.
I know this from personal experience, for my wife and I nearly tore each other apart. Whoever said that love is never having to say you’re sorry was an idiot. Love is knowing when to say you’re sorry, and meaning it when you say it. Love is learning from your mistakes and putting in the effort day after day to be better, to love better.
Love is caring more about someone else than you do yourself, and being willing to do anything to make them happy.
Transitioning was perhaps the most selfish thing I have ever done - and yet I did it not just for myself. I knew that if I continued down the road I was on that it was just a matter of time before I couldn’t find a reason to not pull the trigger. I knew that my transition might cost me my family, that it might mean that the one person that meant more to me than life itself would turn away from me - but I knew that if I didn’t I would hurt her and my sons worse by taking my own life.
Suicide is an act of violence, but the victims are those you leave behind who have to deal with your ultimate act of selfishness. My transition was the better choice as their was a chance, slim as it was, that we could move forward. If you’ve never read it, A Second Chance by Dawn Natelle starts out describing the repercussions of one teenager’s suicide, and how it impacts all those around her - all the lives that are ruined by that one selfish act. It really hits home.
To anyone who is ever contemplating the act, remember, you are not alone and your actions impact all those who know you.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
The older I get, the more I
The older I get, the more I realise I should transition. If not surgically, just live my life as a woman. I think my kids would be OK with it. My oldest is extremely "woke". I would not do it to my wife though. She married a man, and that is what I will stay. (Mostly).
Perhaps I will feel different when I retire.
Leeanna
Most Of Us
Don't think about those mundane things that most women do every day of their married lives.
If you are in a relationship there are lots of things you do for your partner which are not in the least bit glamorous, but you do them because they make a home. And you want your other half, male or female, to come home to share it with you.