"You have got to be kidding me..." I chattered through gritted teeth as I stared at the others with thinly veiled incredulity. "On what planet do you think that this is a good idea?"

Ok, I admit, trying to look incredulous while shivering uncontrollably is pretty difficult. It’s worse yet when you still resemble a drowned rat and you’re wearing nothing more than your damp panties and several scratchy blankets.

Chloe shrugged but had the good grace to give me an apologetic grin, "You've got a choice of your underwear and a towel, wet clothes, or actual dry clothes. Either way, you’ll be here for twenty minutes at least, and then maybe an ambulance. Do you want me to go back and tell the nice man that the boy with boobs wants some more macho clothes?”

"But a dress?" I whined.

Ok look… it wasn't just a dress. I'm normally not opposed to dresses, but this dress, however? I've heard the old saying ‘out of the frying pan and into the fire’, but this was more ‘out of the river and into the oompah band honking, beer glugging, wurst gobbling stereotype’.

You’re wondering what it was that the crewmember brought down, aren’t you? Well you see, most of the serving staff on the passenger decks were in tourist-friendly traditional Kostum of some sort. No, not quite typical of the area, but somewhat expected by the tourists. Aboard a festive tour designed for Auslanders like us? One centered around festive Christmas magic? Total Catnip.

This meant that most of the men were in leather shorts and funny little jackets, they looked ready to slap their thighs and yodel. The women? Yeah, you guessed it, freaking Dirndls.

I eyed the black and red contraption warily. “Isn’t that a bit… much?”

Frau Whistler nodded and made a poor effort to disguise a smirk, “Your own clothes are drenched through. At least this way you will be a lot warmer. Right now, warm clothes are far more important than what those clothes are. You need to raise your core temperature and you will need to get off the ship at some point. I doubt you want to do that in your panties and a towel.”

“Doesn’t look particularly warm,” I observe, raising an eyebrow at the confounded Kleid.

“It’s got a full top under it,” Chloe pointed out unhelpfully. “It’s not like the girls will be on show,”

“Yeah because my boobs are the problem here,” I sigh.

I had to begrudgingly admit that the idea has some merit. It was warm, it is dry, and it is infinitely preferable to sitting down here below decks and missing the entire trip.

Herr Norton knocked before opening the door and leaning in. “There’s a doctor here, is she decent?”

Frau Whistler gave him a nod and he vanished for a moment before returning with a second person. The doctor was a young woman in her thirties with red hair and a garish Christmas jumper showing Rudolf doing something rather unspeakable to a Christmas tree. She was tall and thin, but not in an emaciated way, rather, with a slim dancer’s build. When she spoke, I didn’t hear a German accent.

“I hear you’ve been taking a dip in the Rhine? It is not quite the time of year for it I think!” she chuckled playfully in a soft, lilting, accent.

I shrugged weakly, “I like to be different, I guess.”

She sat down on the seat beside me and gave me a quick look over, checking my hands and feet.

“Any tingles or numbness?”

“A little,” I conceded as I wiggled my toes on command, like a performing… toe wiggler.

The doctor nodded. “That is to be expected; a little superficial frostbite that is only surface depth. It will clear up in a few days, but it might be a little sore. What is your name sweetheart?”

“Uh, Holly,?”

“You don’t seem so sure?” she grinned. “My name is Maxine, I’m from the Netherlands. You are an American, yes? What state are you from?”

I nodded, “California, and I am sure, I just…”

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “Ok uh Holly, I will need to do a quick exam to make sure you’ve no other injuries, but I promise that I will be brief, ok?”

She turned to the others, “Can we have a little privacy?”

Frau Whistler gathered up my shadows and escorted them out of the room on request, leaving me with dr. Maxine.

“Why are you nervous?” she started out as soon as the door closed.

“I’m uh, a lot has happened, I’m a little overwhelmed,” I admitted.

“You’re worried about more than that, yes?”

I really wish Frau Whistler was still here, but the woman seemed pleasant enough. Perhaps defense mechanisms kicked in while I was less than at peak skedaddling performance.

“The exam, uh… you should know I’m… tra…” I trailed off weakly, unable to force the words out of my mouth.

“What was that?”

“I’m transgender,” I murmured more clearly, looking away in embarrassment.

The doctor seemed mildly surprised, but instead simply smiled. “You are? Well, it is a good job that such things have absolutely no impact on your body’s reaction to extreme shifts in temperature,”

She lifted my arm and wiggled my fingers. “You see these? Boys and girls all have ten fingers and toes. So, as I don’t believe that I will need to examine your genitalia, it won’t matter for the time being. Do you mind opening the towels so I can check you over? I will be quick, if you are comfortable, of course?”

“Uh… ok.” I stammered, wide-eyed.

I’ll be honest, the doctor’s flippant dismissal of my revelation caught me absolutely off guard. Either way, I did as asked and allowed her a chance to give me a quick once-over. To her word, she was briefly and clinical and I didn’t feel much discomfort, especially as my panties did indeed stay on. Finding no additional whoopsies or whatnots, I was permitted to wrap myself up again.

While she had none of her own equipment, she managed to make do with the ship’s medical bag and her wristwatch. When she was done taking my blood pressure, she nodded to herself and gave me a grin. “I think you will live.”

“Was it in doubt?”

She smirked and shrugged casually, “Eh, not so much, but it’s better to deliver good news as an alternative to something bad, makes it sound more exciting than saying you’re fine.”

I mean, she had a point, but it’s an unusual bedside manner for sure.

“You have a little surface depth frostbite; that can come on very quickly which is not surprising given the water temperature here. According to the crewman, you were in the water for perhaps two or three minutes. Did you know some Titanic survivors only lasted four minutes in similar water temperatures?”

Well, that’s freaking grim, thanks Doc.

“I… didn’t, no,” I admit. “So I’ll get better?”

“It will tingle a bit, maybe ache but you will be ok. Wear gloves and thick socks if you’re out in the cold and it will be fine in a few days. Otherwise, you will have no lasting damage as far as I can tell.”

“Thank you.”

She grinned and started to pack her things, “Not a problem sweetie. However, I do recommend you wear more than a blanket. You’ll need to warm yourself up.”

I looked over at the dress on the table and sighed. “I think I’ve got something.”

She followed my gaze and laughed out loud. “Oh, that will be adorable.”

“Not my first choice,” I sighed. “As has been pointed out to me, it is better than nudity.”

“Quite true, though I think you will make it work.”

The doctor walked over to the door and opened it, allowing Frau Whistler and the others back in.

“Your student has a mild case of frostbite and her core temperature is a tiny bit low but she’s remarkably resilient otherwise. I suspect no lasting damage. Some rest will be sufficient, though she should move around when she feels able, to help circulation.”

“Will she need to go to the hospital?” Herr Norton asked.

The doctor made a face, “No, probably not, but I believe the captain has already called ahead for an Ambulance, yes?”

Frau Whistler nodded, “Yes, he said so.”

“Then see what the paramedics say, I will speak with them and pass on what I’ve seen.”

Well, that might be good news. I’m not looking forward to a visit to the Krankenhaus.

She turned to me and smiled, “Regardless, she should stay out of the water till at least July next time, ok?”

“I think I can manage that,” I conceded. “Thank you.”

“I must be going,” she announced, shouldering her purse. “I think my fiancé will be talking someone’s ear off about sourdough recipes and the correct moisture contents of yeast. I will meet you when the boat docks back in Koblenz.”

With that, she was gone. I had a somewhat clean bill of health and a new appreciation for the Titanic survivors. Not the way I had expected my afternoon to proceed if I was honest.

Frau Whistler looked satisfied. “I think we can forgo the hospital, but no shopping after we get back for you; off to the hotel and bed.”

The prospect of another hour down here was starting to feel rather claustrophobic. Perhaps it was the good doctor’s influence, but I was willing to concede a point on the stupid dress.

“If I put that thing on and wrap myself up with blankets, can I at least come up to the lounge to see the scenery from indoors? I promise, no more icecapades.”

Frau Whistler considered the proposal for a moment before eventually nodding. “Fine, but you’ll stay seated and you two will stay with her.”

There was a knock at the door and Frau Whistler moved off to answer it. I glared at the stupid dress lying on the table in the small crew area and sighed. I must have been lost in some post- near-death brain fog, because the idea was beginning to feel a little less awful. I am a girl after all…

“Are there tights or anything with that thing?”

Chloe checked through the pile and found a pack pinned inside the dress. “Uh, seems so, red and patterned; they look warm.”

Herr Norton appeared with Frau Whistler. “How is our swimmer doing?”

“Regretting my life choices?”

He chuckled at that, “I’m glad you’re in better humor. We were all very worried. I’ve just spoken with the Captain; they’re calling the police to handle those drunks; you shouldn’t need to even give a statement. The cruise line will take care of all of that as they have cameras on deck. As long as you’re medically sound, we’ll have you back to the hotel and resting.”

Waste the entire journey sitting down here and missing everything only to be treated like a patient the entire time? No thanks.

“Pass me the damn dress,” I sighed.

The adults made themselves scarce while Tina and Chloe helped me to get dressed. I say help… they basically treated me like a lifesize doll and stuffed me into the provided clothing, it was incredibly dignified.

My somewhat brief adventure in the waters of the Rhine had left me extremely exhausted. The cold seemed to have managed to sap all the energy it could find within my body and then some. The result? My coordination wasn’t great and my limbs felt heavy and numb.

The dress itself turned out to be surprisingly modest. It was an exact match for the outfits being worn by the servers upstairs on deck. Unlike more traditional styles for the younger woman where one’s decolletagé was on full display to the eager viewer, these more wintery-themed offerings contained a white underdress that had a higher, lace bodice and sleeves that hinted at flesh without actually exposing the wearer to the elements.

The dress itself was burgundy with hints of black trim and a matching black apron tied around the waist. Overall it looked pretty snazzy on the servers upstairs, but on me? I felt rather silly. The tights that went with it felt amazing on my poor cold legs. I conceded that it might not have been the worst idea after all.

“Considering you were in the river ten minutes ago, you don’t look half bad,” Chloe pointed out as Tina returned to drying my sodden hair.

Have you ever tried getting into a pair of tights when you’re exhausted and cannot coordinate your limbs? No? Don’t try it. Here lies no dignity, especially when you need to get help to do it.

“I guess,” I concede, glancing down at a patterned leg. I pulled one of the blankets around myself again and cradled the remaining hot chocolate in my mug. “I still feel totally wasted though.”

“You will,” Chloe admitted. “We did first aid when I was a camp counselor this summer. Hypothermia will use up all your available energy trying to keep your organs warm. It’s why people fall asleep and never wake up again.”

She wasn’t wrong, but experiencing it was another matter entirely.

“Can I do something with this hair?” Tina asked over my shoulder. “You’re already in a dress, it would be daft not to keep it tidy while it finishes drying.”

I shrugged and nodded, mostly staring off into space. With how tired I was feeling, Tina tugging on my hair was actually incredibly relaxing. I was willing to let her do whatever she wanted as long as she kept playing with it.

“Done,” she offered a few minutes later. “Just braided it up and put it out of the way. This way, you don’t look like you’ve been swimming in an industrial accident.”

“Perish the thought,” I murmured sleepily. “Do I look silly, guys?”

“God no,” Chloe smiled. “I don’t know what you look like when you’re normally all gussied up, but you look pretty good considering you nearly died, girl.”

“Well I’m glad I’ll still make it to prom,” I sigh. “Wanna help me upstairs?”

With a little help, I managed to make it to my feet and with a blanket wrapped tightly around the stupid dress, I followed the others upstairs to the main deck.

The main deck was the lowest to the waterline and appeared to be regularly used as a restaurant during normal cruises. Currently, it was being used by guests that wanted a quieter experience away from the festivities upstairs. Right now, quieter was perfect for me.

The girls helped to settle my blanket train onto one of the padded benches before Chloe vanished off to locate more hot chocolate for us. Look, this was a clear and urgent medical necessity, ok?

Right now, my reappearance had gone largely unnoticed as various passengers were caught up in their own experiences. I had no doubt that eventually, that would change when some of our group finally spotted me. I should have cared more but my exhaustion had really thrown a wrench in my Fuck Generator.

I stared out of the window for a moment, up at a castle high on the forested slopes as we passed. In the snowy mist, it looked like it was appearing out of a time vortex, a fantasy land of knights, monsters, and magic.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Tina observed, following my line of sight.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I just wish I hadn’t messed this whole trip up.”

“Nah,” she shrugged, leaning in against me, feeling rather warm to my still-frozen corpse. “I told you that you’d make this trip more interesting.”

I rolled my eyes and leaned my head on her shoulder, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being friends with a weirdo like me.”

“You’re not a weirdo,” she told me firmly. “Even knowing everything I know about you, even seeing you this week trying to be a boy, I can’t see you as anything other than a girl like me. It’s as plain as day to me and anyone else that gets to know you.”

She turned and looked me in the eyes, “Do you know what bothers me the most?”

“What?”

“When you went in the river, I was so worried that I’d lose my friend Holly.”

“Aww…”

“You two look adorable,” Chloe grinned, sitting down on my other side and handing us both steaming frothy mugs. “I bring supplies and friends.”

I looked up and spotted Sarah and Emma and gave them a little smile. “I didn’t stick the landing.”

“Goof,” Emma grinned. “Seriously though, are you ok?”

“Not perfect, but I’m alive and only a little frozen.”

“Girl when you went over, it was a riot on deck. People were panicking and nobody could see you. We thought… you were gone.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat and gripped the mug Chloe had just handed me. It was hot enough to make my fingers tingle, so I guess that was progress on the sensation adventure.

“I thought I was a goner too,” I admitted sheepishly. “Even now it still feels like a blur.”

“You sure know how to keep a low profile, huh?” Sarah smirked, giving me a caring squeeze. “All anyone can talk about is the girl that went overboard. Most of our lot don’t know who it is yet.

I sighed. “That’s not going to last.”

She glanced down and spotted my red patterned tootsies poking out of the blankets I was swaddled in and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s all they had,” I murmured, blushing.

She looked up and seemed to spot my hair and her eyes widened. “What are you wearing under there?”

“The only dry clothes they had were some of the stuff the servers had,” Chloe explains. “Show ‘em, Holly.”

I handed Tina my mug, opened the blankets and kicked up a foot. “Ta da.”

“I don’t think anyone else could manage to fall off a ship into icy water and come out prettier,” Emma shook her head. “What are you going to tell the others?”

“We’re going to tell them that this was all they had and it’s this – or Alex,” she emphasized, “is at risk of further cold.”

“You think they’re going to believe that this is a boy being forced to wear it for the sake of dry clothes?” Sarah raised an eyebrow.

Tina shrugged. “We can say we did his hair and made him look girlier to avoid embarrassment. That Frau Whistler asked us to give Alex cover given that we’re friends so he can get back to the hotel in one piece without being made fun of.”

“It’s thin but it’s possible,” Emma nodded. “People currently think it is a girl that went overboard… we are only giving them what they want.”

I stared out of the window at the falling snow while the girls debated my potential cover stories. The truth was, I was in a rather spectacular pickle. I really do manage to collect those, don’t I?

As it stood, anyone I met in Germany only seemed to see a teenage girl. To be frank, that was what anyone saw these days. I had rather spectacularly made myself center stage with my swan dive off the boat here, which made that even more visible than usual. The problem was that I had at least thirty-five people that still thought I was Alex the boy.

“Guess I have to butch it up,” I sighed, rejoining the conversation.

“If you can act boyish in a dress then I’m Ronald Reagan,” Tina chuckled.

Yeah, she certainly had a point there.

By the time we were approaching Koblenz again, I was feeling a great deal better. The warmth and sugar of the hot chocolate had done a great deal to replenish my depleted stores, and despite my embarrassment, the tights and dress were helping a great deal too.

Have you ever tried staying still as a teenager? It’s next to impossible at the best of times and especially hard when you’re on a trip in a strange new place with exciting sights and sounds; Essentially, you’re a cat. The doctor had even told me that I really should move around when I felt able, so in honor of my circulatory system, I had decided to do just that.

Not wanting to risk matters by going outside, I kept my roaming to the lower deck and the enclosed area of the upper deck. Most of our lot were outside enjoying the sights, so I had a relatively free roam. The few I did see, didn’t seem to pay me any attention.

I felt a little bit like a lower-class passenger on the Titanic, to borrow from the doc’s wonderful example. Here I was, wandering around with braided hair, in a dress, and with a blanket thrown over my shoulders like a shawl. It made some people look at me, but in general nobody seemed to care.

Well, almost nobody.

“What are you wearing?”

Gary was standing there, his eyes roaming up and down my body taking in the current lack of Alex.

“Uh, nothing,” I admitted sheepishly, tugging the blanket tighter around my shoulders.

“Is that a dress?”

“It’s all they had that was dry, what’s your problem?” Tina asked sharply.

Gary looked between the pair of us and shrugged. “Whatever, I was just going to ask if you were ok.”

“He’s fine,” Tina pointed out, “How’s about you give him some space, huh?”

“A dress though?”

“Do you want me to repeat myself?”

Gary gave me one last look that I couldn’t place before holding up his hands in surrender. “Fine, whatever.” he shrugged. “Not my problem.”

Tina bristled as he walked away, “What’s his problem?”

“He… knows,” I admitted quietly. “The only one that does.”

“That’s Meg and Kara’s brother, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah, and he found out a few weeks ago… by accident. We used to be close, but he didn’t react well.”

“But he has kept quiet so far?”

I smiled darkly, “The benefits of having a scary big brother prepared to make threats of bodily harm. He could convince you to keep the secret of Jimmy Hoffa.”

“Fair enough,” she shrugged.

“Excuse me?”

I looked over my shoulder and spotted three girls looking a little uncertain. I recognized them from the trip, but I didn’t know their names. “Yes?”

“Are you…” one asked before pausing and looking at her friend. “Did you, were you… you fell overboard right?”

Here we go… “Yeah,” I admit with a sheepish grin. “Some drunk knocked me over the railing.”

“You’re from our school, aren’t you? I’m pretty sure I recognize you,” the other pointed out.

“I…” The third opens her mouth and looks confused, I know exactly what the next words are going to be. “You’re not in our class, are you… .”

Joy.

“No,” I sigh and gesture at the dress. “This isn’t my choice, it’s all they had. It was this or blankets and stay downstairs and miss it all.”

The girl looks a little surprised, “Oh, wow uh… you’d never guess.”

“We convinced Alex to do it,” Chloe steps in. “You know, people were saying that a girl went overboard so… why not give them what they expect. You know; make it less embarrassing.”

The girl raised her eyebrows, “Sure, I guess that makes sense.” She looked at me and smiled. “I’m glad you’re ok and… don’t take this the wrong way, but you look really good.”

“Uh, yeah,” I mumble, trying to look dissatisfied with the whole thing. “You know, it’s kinda embarrassing.”

“Oh I can imagine,” her friend offered. “You’re really brave.”

I sat down on one of the chairs and shrugged. “I just didn’t want to miss the tour stuff.”

The girls gave me a weird look and said their goodbyes before wandering off.

“What was that about?” I frowned.

Tina sat down beside me and put an arm around my shoulder. “Girl, when you’re trying to look like a boy taking one for the team, try not to smooth your skirt under your butt and cross your legs when sitting down, you dumb bimbo.”

Fucking hell.

 

 

By the time we pulled into the jetty in Koblenz, it was pretty much common knowledge that Alex was wearing a dress. Yeah, you can imagine how that works with a bunch of teenagers; as soon as one person knew, they suddenly all did. The girls were tittering and the boys were out and out making jokes. Honestly, I was rather considering jumping in the river again just to avoid them all.

“Hey Alex, you gonna serve our dinner tonight?” Kyle, one of the brain-dead morons, called over to raucous laughter as our teachers gathered us together before we departed the Wilhelm.

I held my tongue, and I tried to keep my ‘poor wounded, and uncomfortable Alex’ portrayal as solid as possible despite my appearance.

“Nah, but he makes a great serving girl,” another cackled.

“Ignore them,” Tina muttered beside me. “Not worth the time.”

She was right, but kids will be kids, and it was getting on my nerves. Not so much because it was hurting me as Holly, but that I was having to still be Alex like this. Somehow, that felt more incongruous and absurd.

Between my hair and the dress, I was pretty much presenting full Holly to the world. As far as anyone else could tell, I was just a girl. To them? I was still their male classmate and had to pretend as such; people really are that blind and dumb. Do you know how hard it is to be presenting as yourself and having to act like you don’t like it?

By the time we were ready to disembark I was truly fed up with being the butt of jokes. I wouldn’t mind, but none of them were particularly original.

“Is this you coming out as gay? Did your near-death experience make you want to stop living a lie?”

“You want a date for prom?”

“You’ll make some guy a great wife one day.”

“Hey, does this mean you can’t do math anymore?”

It really does get freaking old, and the temptation to scream that they were all sexist pigs was very strong indeed. The weird part was that I knew they likely would never say these things to a real girl. A boy they could see as feminine or less masculine? Totally fair game.

Frau Whistler, the Dutch Doctor and one of the crew members escorted me ashore as soon as the Wilhelm tied up in Koblenz. Much to my deepest joy, there was an ambulance and a police car waiting on the pier, just as promised. I do manage to leap from one frying pan to another don’t I?

On the bright side, I was finally free of my classmates and their clever comments, but I wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of going to a German hospital. No commentary on socialized healthcare, to be frank I rather love the idea. No, my bigger issue was me trans, them doctors. The potential for difficult, awkward, and just plain uncomfortable situations was really rather high.

“Here, you take a seat here Fräulein, let me take a look at you.” The lady paramedic smiled pleasantly, offering me a hand to climb into the back of their shiny new Krankenwagen.

“So they told us you are Americanerin, here on holiday, yes? You took a bit of a swim?”

“She was pushed overboard,” Frau Whistler pointed out, “She was in the water perhaps three minutes before they got her out”

“Let’s take a look at you shall we?” The medic offered, pulling the door closed behind us. “Your name, Fräulein?”

“Uh, Alex Winters, Ma’am,” I offered, sticking to my legal name, given the rather official circumstances.

“Can you take off the Strumpfhosen? I will need to see your legs, Alex.”

Strumpfhosen… what are… oh, tights!

“Uh, sure,” I shrugged, reaching up under my skirts and rolling the tights down my legs as demurely as possible.

“So there is a little redness to your extremities, this is pretty superficial, you’re very lucky,” she explained as she fiddled with my tootsies. “Sensation? Any numbness?”

“A little,” I admitted cautiously.

“It looks like your Doctor de Vries was right,” The medic declared, removing her latex gloves. “You get to skip a trip to our hospital eh?”

“Uh, good, I guess?” I smiled nervously. “So you think that I’m going to be ok?”

“Yes,” she smiled. “ There may be just a little discomfort for a few days. Keep yourself warm and wear gloves and warm clothing if you are going outside.”

“Thank you so much,” Frau Whistler offered. “Her parents would kill me if I brought her home damaged.”

“She is not the first person in the river this season and she will not be the last,” The medic sighed. “It’s surprisingly common, although usually they do not that often fall off boats.”

“I like to be different,” I offered, trying to find a classy way to pull my tights back into place.

Paperwork signed, I was allowed to exit the ambulance. All solved eh? You thought that was it? Did I get away with the entire thing? Pft, no.

“Fräulein? Haben Sie einen Moment Zeit?”

Shit.

A pair of Polizei officers were stood there waiting for me the second I set foot on the sidewalk.

“Die Mädchen sind Amerikanerin,” The medic called over to them as she closed up the back and walked around to hop in the cab with her partner, a grumpy chap who never spoke to me the entire time we were there.

“Ah, American,” the officer smiled. “You are the girl who end up in the river?”

“Uh, yes,” I admitted cautiously, glancing over at Frau Whistler.

“You can talk to them,” she smiled reassuringly before turning back to the officers. “I am her legal guardian, Jenny Whistler, her teacher? We are on a school trip from the US.”

“Sehr Gut,” the man nodded, pulling out a notepad. “You can recount the events, Bitte?”

“Well, I was just minding my own business… my friends and I were posing for a photograph and the guy stumbled into us.” I shrugged nervously. “I mean, I don’t remember a great deal.”

“Would you say that the group was drinking or misbehaving?”

I glanced over at Frau Whistler, who gave me a nod. “Yes sir, I think they were drunk. They were slurring their speech, singing, and unsure of their footing; one bumped into us twice before I got… well, you know.”

“I see,” the officer concluded, tapping his pen against his pad. “The Captain, he has given us videotape of the incident and the line wishes to press charges. Your statement is useful but we won’t need you for court. Do you have identification?”

Gulp.

“Not with us, Officer,” Frau Whistler stepped in. “I’m keeping our passports in the hotel safe. I do have my business card however if you need our contact details?”

The man accepted the offered card and tucked it into his notebook. He glanced over at his partner who shrugged and nodded. “I think we will be sufficient, ah, Frau Whistler. If we need more we will contact you, I have your telefon yes?”

“You do,” Frau Whistler smiled, putting her arm around my shoulder. “If that’s everything I would like to take Alex back to the hotel, she has had a bad enough day.”

“Of course,” the officer smiled, “Gute Besserung, Fräulein.”

“Er, Danke.”

Frau Whistler guided me away from the dockside and off towards the road where the bus was parked waiting.

“I guess I got off lucky there,” I admitted, glancing back as the Polizei officers spoke to some of the crew.

“A little, but with the cruise line wishing to press charges, you should be fine.” She squeezed my shoulder and shook her head. “What are we going to do with you, Holly Winters? This has turned into a real pickle.”

I glanced down at the fabric of my frock sticking out of the blanket I was still wearing. “I could join the circus?”

“You don’t have any useful talents,” she shook her head. “Now a touring comedy show, perhaps.”

She might have a point there.

I never actually did get to see what they did to those drunks, but I’m pretty sure they were sobering up pretty quickly. Truth be told, I think that I managed to get off rather lightly when it came to the medics and the police.

I really do manage to make a real pickle out of things, don’t I? Trust me, this isn’t the way I would have done things. Like it or not, the circumstances were such that I was going to have to tough it out and find a way to make do. No matter how I cut it, there was a cat somewhere and it was missing a bag.

We rejoined the bus and I found a spot by myself near the front as we merged out into the city traffic. I really didn’t want to feed them any further ammo by sitting with the girls which might cause me to slip and act like, well, me. Nor did I want to face more bullshit by sitting with the guys. Instead, I sat close to the front and I glowered. This had not been a bright idea, despite suggestions to the contrary.

Other than Frau Whistler checking on me during the journey, I was pretty much left to brood in peace. I was reasonably sure that she had heard a few of the comments herself. When she stopped by to check on me, there was a look on her face that seemed to be a mixture of frustration and displeasure. Truly, I know how she felt.

We made it back to the hotel a little after four in the afternoon, and my intent was to make a beeline for my room for a hot shower and a change of clothes. As you can imagine, that was never going to happen when I was monkey of the month.

“Yo Alex,” Steve called, jogging to catch up to me. “Wait up.”

“Want to poke fun too?” I asked without looking back. “I’ve heard quite a lot of them so it better be original.”

“Chill dude, wanted to see how you’re doing, you know? The whole taking a dunk in the Rhine in the wintertime is pretty metal.”

I stopped walking and turned around to face him, a little surprised by actual concern. “Yeah, I’m ok… mostly; thanks, I guess.”

“Cool,” he grinned. “You know, you kinda make a good-looking chick….”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes, “come on, not you too.”

Steve frowned and looked a little confused. “Dude…”

I made a face, “What?”

“Could you not stand like that? It’s weird, dude.”

I glanced at the floor-to-ceiling mirror next to the reception desk and blanched. I was standing with my weight on my left hip and my arms were indeed crossed… under my boobs. I looked like a pissed-off girl, not… a boy.

“Uh, I don’t know what you mean,” I gruffed, standing up straight and hunching, “I’m not doing anything.”

“Uh, sure,” he frowned, looking more than a little uncertain.

“I’m gonna… go.” I gesture toward the elevator. “I’ll… yeah.”

I walked off and hit the button. When I stepped into the car, I looked back out and Steve was still looking my way. That was weird, double weird with extra bacon.

Ugh, boys!

I had gotten my clothes and stuff back from Frau Whistler, so I was able to use my keycard to get into my room. After dumping the soggy bag in the bathroom, I flopped over on the bed and closed my eyes. Had this just been one afternoon? I wasn’t even sure how I was going to call Mom and tell her what happened.

I pulled myself upright and tugged at the laces on my dress to no avail. It wasn’t that they were too tight, but rather that it hurt my fingers to try and unlace them. With a sigh, I pulled myself to my feet and went back out into the corridor to elicit help.

I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. Eventually, the door opened and I marched straight inside. “I need help getting this thing off,” I sighed dramatically. “I love it, but I need out of this thing before any more weird shit happens; I swear Steve was like five minutes away from asking me out.”

“Uh, Alex…”

I turned to look at Sarah confused, “We’re alone now, what’s with the Alex?”

She looked past my shoulder and a flash of uncertainty crossed her face. I suddenly had that feeling of dread you experience when you realize that the monster is right behind you. In this case, I had a pretty good idea of what I’d find.

Slowly, I turned around. Sitting on Sarah’s bed were two girls. Two girls that were not Tina, Chloe, or Emma…

“Oh shit.”

“Alex, this is Cleo and Hannah,” Sarah offered, gesturing at the two. “You guys know Alex, right?”

“You’re the guy that fell in the water, right? The redhead sitting closest asked, inclining her head as she regarded me. “They said it was a girl at first, nobody knew who it was. Now you’re here… in a dress.”

“It was all they had that was dry,” I pointed out lamely. “I didn’t pick it.”

“No, sure you didn’t,” she shrugged. “You look pretty convincing for a guy in a dress.”

“We made sure he didn’t look stupid, you know?” Sarah interjected, grinning like the world’s worst poker player. “Tina braided his hair so it looked more like… you know.”

“Hey, look can I get some help out of this stuff?” I asked, wiggling my fingers. “I can’t quite grip the laces, they’re on too tight and my fingers are still funny.”

“That’s a really pretty dress,” The redhead pointed out, standing up and walking over for a closer inspection. “I’m Cleo by the way, and that’s Hannah,” she offered, gesturing over her shoulder at a mousy brunette a little taller than Tina.

“Uh, hey,” I bro nodded… ineffectually.

“Say, they did a pretty good job with all of this,” she offered, looking me up and down before grinning broadly. “They gave you a pretty decent rack too.”

I turned red and made a face, “Er, I dunno about that.”

Cleo stepped closer, “Let me help with those laces, I’m sure you’re not used to a dress like this, right? Why would you be?.”

“Uh, thanks,” I muttered, shooting a look at Sarah, who was absolutely no help at all. Thanks, Sarah.

Cleo deftly unlaced the bodice of the dress and raised an eyebrow as the contents of the underdress settled rather naturally within.

“There you go,” she offered, “Need any more help, or can you manage from here?”

“I think I got it, I mean, it’s probably ok,” I shrugged, quite possibly the worst thing I could have done in that moment as my chest jiggled rather realistically.

The girl’s eyes narrowed and she grabbed a handful of chest.

“Youch! Hands off,” I squealed, pushing her back and realizing immediately that she knew.

“You’ve got boobs!”

Oh dear.

“I… uh… so do you!”

Good work Holly, you fucking muppet.

 

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