“Hey, pass the water?” Rick asks, causing me to look up from the incredibly interesting pasta bake on my plate.

I’ve managed to find some sort of middle ground here at school where I can interact with him like a human bean rather than a lovesick puppy dog and it’s working out reasonably well so far. We’ve managed to maintain our fledgling relationship so far, and nobody seems the wiser. I have to admit, it still feels weird as it feels for me to see him like this.

“Here you go,” I offer, sliding it over. “Game later, right?”

Of course, there’s a game later; I know there is, we all know that I know, but it’s boy conversation.

“Uhuh, Coach is starting me tonight, kinda pumped.”

I knew that too. He’s been on about it all week, but we keep up appearances here in make-believe land. “Oh, neat, good luck!”

“You coming with Rob?” Carson asks, pointing a forkful of Penne in my direction. “

“Mhm,” I offer, “Someone’s got to cheer for him or the poor guy will suck worse than Face.”

“Hey, you’re tight with that Megan Byrne chick, right?” Carson queries. “Has she said anything about Rob, ever?”

This is uncharted territory…what do I do here, with boys talking about dating and romance? I don’t think I ever got this lesson. On the other hand, oh how I do love a little bit of gossip. “No, why? What’s the dumbass been admitting to?”

“He’s seriously into her,” he grins. “If you were cool, you might sound her out for him, you know… he’d never ask you himself.”

Obviously, he’s my brother, it would be weird, duh. What is weirder still, is that I’m expected to be privy to girl talk with Meg and Kara. The fact that they don’t see anything unusual about this is mildly hilarious.

“Just why would I want to help out my brother’s dating life?” I enquired, trying to maintain my expression with a slight dose of mild revulsion. “On top of that, why would she tell me if she liked him, she’s a girl.”

Look, I have to pretend to be a ‘Girls are from Venus and I forgot my space suit,’ teenage boy. Note to self; do not look at Rick or you will blow the act.

“You can’t tell me you guys aren’t tight,” Carson insists with a raised eyebrow. “I’m not sure what you’ve got going on, but you’re always with her and her sister. They gotta tell you something, right?”

Rick is chucking silently across the table and enjoying every moment of this. I boot him under the table while smiling politely. He knows full well what they tell me and why, asshole.

“Uh, well, you know, maybe…” I concede reluctantly. “Look, I can’t promise anything, nor am I ruining a friendship to help Rob hook up either.”

“I knew you’d help out, he’s been moping about her for weeks,” Carson grins. “We really appreciate you doing us a solid.”

I swear, these guys are freaking blind. Thank god, because if they could see how they were acting and what was in front of them I’d be in serious trouble.

I munch thoughtfully on my pasta as I ponder my present circumstances. I’ve found a generally manageable way to play the boy game and it’s just about working out. People treat me like a girl more than not, but they seem to see a boy in their heads. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of the assholes still call me fag and queer. The difference is that they did that before I started hormones too, so nothing has really changed there.

High school; gotta love it.

 

 

Sitting out on the bleachers at games is freezing cold at this time of year. Granted it’s in the high fifties to low sixties, but to me, that’s pretty cold, ok? Due in no small part to the weather this evening, I was wrapped up warm like the rest of the spectators; with Gloves and hats all around.

I was up in our usual spot with Meg and Kara and the three of us looked pretty indistinguishable. That is, except for the fact I wasn’t wearing a skirt like the mental patient named Megan Byrne.

“My legs are going to fall off,” dumbass number one whined, rubbing her thighs.

“You chose it, I did warn you,” her sister adds, handing me one of the hotdogs that she had just returned from acquiring.

“But I wanted to look good,” she moaned. “I…”

“In case you get a chance to talk to my brother, you mean.” I dangle casually, taking a bite from my meaty treat.

The death stare I receive tells me that I’m right on the mark as expected. Megan slumps with resignation and nods. “Yes, fine, I wanted to look pretty in case I got a chance to speak to your stupid gorgeous brother, ok?”

I grin like a shark, “What would it be worth if I were to make an introduction, maybe… nudge the needle in your favor?”

Meg’s eyes narrowed, “Holly Juliette Winters, you mercenary, what do you want?”

I shrug. “World peace, the blood of your firstborn, or maybe the loan of those Prada heels your Gran got you last Christmas.”

“You rat,” she giggled. “Ok, deal, I’ll let you borrow the heels. Will you make me an intro?”

“I’d do it anyway,” I shrug. “I would never dare charge you, gorgeous heels or not. Plus, news just in from Boyworld is that Rob is already interested, so it’s barely any actual work.”

Meg’s face changes to one of gleeful hope in a heartbeat. “Wait, he is? he likes me? You’re not kidding?”

“Since when did you get included in the guy talk mailing list?” Kara interjects.

“Actually, Carson asked me at lunch if you must know.” I shrug. “Apparently, because I’m friends with you two, I’m somehow party to your romantic interests and able to sway you to a particular boy’s heart.”

“So they think you’re included in our girl talk… and that you can try to talk up one of their friends for them,” Kara confirms, raising an eyebrow.

I make a face and nod. “Yeah, apparently they skipped that memo. I didn’t tell them that bleeding heart here is into Rob anyway. They don’t get to find out any secrets.”

Kara grins. “They see you like a little sister; their spy in girl world.”

I considered her thoughts as I watched one of the opposing team's players get his soul dumped out of his body. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that. Although I’m pretty sure they have no idea that they do it.”

“You confuse them; They see… whatever the fuck you pretend to be at school, but their little brains and their junk says girl,” Meg opines. “They have no idea why, but you do.”

“Do you want this in with Rob or not?”

“Oh god, yes please,” she whines grabbing onto the front of my coat, “please, please, please!”

“If you’re going to kill Miss Winters, Miss Byrne, I recommend doing it off school grounds. It reduces our liability.”

The three of us spin around at the sound of an adult voice and spot Mrs Carlos, the girl’s Principal looking down with an amused expression on her face.

“Uh, sorry Ma’am, I wasn’t… I mean, we were just messing…” Meg stammers, releasing me from her clutches.

“I’m aware, Miss Byrne. You’re not actually in trouble… unless that skirt gives you hypothermia.” She adds glancing down at Megan’s fashion choice with a sly smirk. “Good evening, girls.”

The principal turns and leaves us to our business. It’s nice to be included like that; it's so normal. Still feels a little strange to hear out loud, but it feels right.

“I told you it was too short, you’re going to look like a desperate skank.” Kara points out, jabbing her sister in the ribs.

“Better desperate than like my vagina gave up and left home,” Meg fires back.

I blink at the remark for a second then mentally shrug. I’ve heard similar and worse from boys. These two are really, really, special.

A whole lot of football later and the game was over. It was another victory for the glorious Lions and there was a pretty jubilant atmosphere down on the field. True to my word, I had plans to engineer a proper introduction between my best friend and my brother. Magnanimous lady, aren’t I?

There are many that might think it felt strange, nudging my brother together with one of my friends, but the truth is, while it was a little ick, I wanted them both to be happy. They were the perfect fit for each other; Rob was an outgoing but secretly sensitive guy and Meg… well, behind the firebrand was a sensitive and thoughtful girl who yearned for a kindred spirit.

My girls had been there for me and so has Rob in just as many ways. I could handle the nausea that the idea of them making out generated if it meant they were both happy. Aren’t I just a little saint?

With our team set to cinch the division with relative ease, things were looking pretty cozy. After navigating a sea of band members, players, family, and other hangers-on, we eventually found our way to our little knot of players.

Rob, Carson, and Rick were together by the end zone when we finally reached them. They were laughing at something RJ had said. Knowing him, chances are it was filthy dirty, and unsuitable for primetime, so I shall not repeat it.

“Hey guys, awesome game,” I called, giving my brother a wave.

“Hey spike,” Rob grinned, ruffling my hair with his massive paw.

“Gerroff, asshat,” I complain, smoothing my hair back into place under my hood.

“You guys enjoy the show?” Carson preened. “I hope y’all caught my naked reverse to Ricky Boy here for the final TD. That was a beautiful setup, if I do say so myself.”

“Naked reverse for a TD… that sounds like something from Sex Ed class.” Kara points out innocently. “I’m pretty sure Miss Morton went over that the other day.”

“I uh,” Carson scratched his head as he turned red. “It’s a pass… thing.”

I’m not entirely sure which sister is worse, but they're pretty much at a dead heat today. I think it’s time to lay some groundwork.

“Are you guys off to West’s tonight to celebrate?”

“After a big victory like this one? You betcha bottom dollar we are,” RJ grins. “Y’all gonna join us?”

“Sure, we’d love to,” I answer for the group. “If we can bum a ride off my brother that is.”

Rob cocks an eyebrow, “sure, but why? You never come to West’s with us.”

“I’m changing my mind, I’m allowed to,” I shrug. “Plus you guys did great; I wanna help you celebrate.”

I am not the only member of my family with enhanced senses where Rattus Rattus is concerned. Brother dearest senses deception, but is thankfully none the wiser when it comes to my intent. I may have to beg forgiveness later if this one goes south.

Rob squints at me for a moment, trying to suss out my game before finally agreeing. “Alright, you can ride with me; but no screwing around and these two can walk from our place later, I’m not a damn taxi.”

“Thanks, bro, I knew you were our savior,” I replied cheerily. Drawing an even more suspicious scowl from him. Am I going to milk this entire debacle for all it’s worth? You betcha.

The conversation returns to the game and we we chat aimlessly for a few more minutes before the coach comes to round up his guys. Apparently, the dude wanted to get home, who knew? While they departed for the locker rooms, we began to join the crowds wandering out of the stadium and toward the parking lot.

I haven’t told you what I’m wearing, have I? I forgot this is a trans-fiction epic and thus, my every attire is of vital narrative importance to you all. Contra to Principal Carlos, I am not En-Holly at the moment, well, mostly not.

I am wearing girls' boy-cut jeans because, ironically enough, they fit me far better now and look more neutral. On top, I’m wearing a slouchy long-sleeved teeshirt, a sweater and my big winter coat. With a pair of gloves and the hood firmly up I’m nice and warm. I’m generally riding the out-of-uniform line as I always do between tomboy and runt. It’s about as far as my Alex impression goes these days, and it serves its purpose relatively well… ish.

Thankfully we didn’t need to wait long for the boys. Ten minutes after they had departed, the knot of players could be seen exiting the school buildings and making their way toward the lot. It didn’t take long for Rob to spot us waiting by his wheels.

“So are you guys going to tell me why you’re suddenly so interested in going to West’s?” Rob asks by way of greeting, unlocking his car.

“No reason at all; I just fancied a change,” I shrug, dragging Kara into the back seat with me. “Come on, we don’t want to be the last ones there!”

Rob glared at me suspiciously for a moment before he climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. Megan, with no choice left but the front seat, got in beside him and belted up. The parking lot is still rather full, so our departure was a slow affair. Once we were safely away from prying ears, the interrogation proper, began in earnest.

“What’s going on, Holly?”

“Me?”

“Yes you,” Rob gestures back at me in the mirror. “What exactly is my sister up to Kara? You’re the sensible one.”

“I have no idea, please leave me out of this,” the sensible sibling declared, raising her hands in surrender..

“Well?”

I shrug and smile in what I hope projects sweet innocence but comes across far more accurately as ‘shifty as hell’. “Nothing, Rob, nothing at… Oh, look, Rick’s behind us! Come on Kar, I forgot I had to ask him something!”

Before Rob or Megan can protest, the two of us have bolted from the back seat. We run back through the line of cars to where Rick’s pickup is idling. In a flash, I have the door open and we both join him on the front bench in a giggling heap.

“Heya,” I grin, looking up from the tumble.

“What the hell kinda musical cars are you guys playing at?” Rick asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Setting up my sister,” declares my friend. “Hello, Kara Byrne, a pleasure, of course.”

“Uh, hey,” Rick offers with a half-hearted and firmly confused wave. “Holly, what is?”

“Remember how Rob likes Megan?” I prompt. “Well, you idiots wanted me to set them up: Guess what? Megan also likes Rob too. I couldn’t exactly say that at lunch today, so Instead, we’re playing matchmakers.”

Rick chuckles and shakes his head. “I swear to god, you’re exactly like Anna.”

“Who’s Anna?” Kara asks from the door side.
“His older sister,” I explain. “Apparently she had taste.”

Rick rolls his eyes and puts the truck in gear to follow the line of slowly moving cars. “So you’re really coming to hang at Wests huh? I thought you were avoiding the after-game scene?”

“I can stick it out, if we can give Meg and Rob a little time to get to know each other,” I admit. “I just have to stay Alex the whole time.”

There’s a snort beside me which is resolved with a swift elbow to the ribs. “I’ll… I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Rick raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Why is everyone else so convinced I’m bad at this?

The truth is, I’m not entirely opposed to going to West’s. At the start of the semester, sure, it wasn’t my scene at all. Now, however, I’ve somehow managed to become friends with a lot of the team guys, so the idea is far from unappealing. My only worries are playing Alex outside of school, and spending time as a version of me that I cannot stand. Tonight isn’t for me though, so I can and will tough it out. Remember, it’s hoes before bros, In this case literally.

West’s is a popular hangout with teens in our area. It’s like a bar, but without alcohol and it has a diner attached that serves food until late. It’s pretty popular with all the cool kids from school and generally seen as a tiny bit exclusive. You know the sort; it’s the place sports teams go to celebrate after a game… yeah, that sort.

Rick pulled the truck into the lot at West’s. It was only a half hour after the end of the game and yet, the place was already heaving with kids.

“You sure you wanna go in?”

I shrugged as I watched Rob’s car pull into the lot behind us. Neither occupant of the car was bleeding, so clearly it was going ok so far. Whether she’d let us survive what I had done was another matter.

“Yeah, we should; Meg won’t forgive us if we leave. I can manage to keep my head down for a few hours. This is for her and Rob, not me.”

“Well let’s go then,” He called hopping down from the cab. “I need a burger bad. After that game, I could almost eat a hor…”

I glare up at him, “Don’t you dare.”

The music inside West’s was the usual cheesy pop of the era blasting just loud enough to force us to elevate our voices and stand close to be heard. It was certainly hot inside, full as it was with kids. As such, my coat didn’t survive particularly long before it was off. Most of the football guys were over in the diner area filling their faces with processed meat and it was in this direction we gravitated.

“Hey, you guys made it!” Face beamed, ripping a hotdog in half with his jaws like a hydraulic press. “Alex, dude, you too!”

“Yeah, Face, I came,” I offer, “good game by the way.”

“Yeah dude, it was epic, we crushed the Badgers like the rodents they are.”

“Dude, Badgers are mammals,” some guy pointed out, quite correctly.

Contrary to your expectations, I wasn’t immediately pointed at and exposed as a girl. Everyone was rather more focused on stuffing their faces. Honestly, being of secondary or tertiary importance to food and football is totally fine by me. Did I sit with Rick? Yes, I did. We are meant to be friends after all, and I’m capable of sitting next to the boy for a few minutes without trying to kiss him. What kind of girl do you take me for?

It was quite relaxing to snarf my fries and let the conversation wash over me. Across from our booth, I could keep a reasonable eye on Rob and Megan who were sitting with RJ and Monika. Both couples, and yes, I did say couples, seemed to be getting on rather well. Was that a look that Megan just gave my brother? God, being a matchmaker feels pretty darn powerful.

“Your plan seems to be working,” Kara muses, following my gaze.

“So far,” I agree. “but who really knows if it will last? The female has been known to devour her mate after the act.”

Rick gives us a look and shakes his head, “You two scare me sometimes.”

“Who scares what?” Carson asks as he drops back into his seat. “‘Nuther burger dude?”

Rick accepts the food with a nod and gestures toward the fledgling lovebirds. “Winters and Megan; Alex’s managed to work some magic.”

Carson regards the two and grins broadly, “Nice work Alex, how the heck did you make that happen?”

“Trade secrets,” I shrugged nonchalantly, popping a fry into my mouth. “If I told you I would have to kill you.”

Carson doffs an imaginary cap and bows his head. “I’ll give it to you, I didn’t actually know if you could even pull it off.”

“Such low expectations,” I chuckle. “You did ask, I delivered.” I won’t be telling him that she was already into him. My knowing that feels a little too privileged for a boy. This whole thing is a bit more exposure than I would need. Either way, everything seems to have worked out for the best. All I have to do is see the night out and I’m home free.

While some of the simpering fandoms come to kiss Carson’s ring, I excuse myself and make for the mini arcade where the volume is a little lower. Here, I can put my quarters to some good use and keep myself out of trouble.

I have my father to thank for my love of gaming. When I was little, he took me and Rob to an arcade during a family vacation in Florida. We spent several hours blasting and bleeping away in gaming heaven. For me, it was the start of a love that I still hold to this day.

One of my favorite games is Blockblaster. It’s a super retro game where you have to stack different-shaped blocks that fall down the screen. I remember getting a copy on my handheld gaming console when I was eleven, but there’s no beating it in an arcade cabinet.

I can’t tell you how long I was playing for, but I was seriously into my game. Stacking blocks is serious business and I was rolling through the levels like a champ. My hands were starting to get a little sore and the one foot that I was favoring was falling asleep.
It was so warm in West’s that I’d even shed my sweater. Hunched over an arcade machine, my slouchy long-sleeve t-shirt was baggy enough to hide my shape, mostly. It’s pretty easy to forget gender dysphoria when you’re lost in a video game.

“I could never manage to get past the first few levels,” Rick admitted by way of greeting as he arrived beside me. “I’m not surprised that my girl is kicking its ass though; beauty and brains.”

“It doesn’t involve throwing a ball, so I’m pretty decent,” I concede, not taking my eyes off the screen while I flow.

“They have one of those layup machines here,” Rick points out, moving around behind me. I can feel his presence close by and I hear his voice in my ear, low and husky. “I could help you aim, take the ball and your hands in mine and guide the shot, have you right there, close to me.”

My heart flutters and I fudge a block. I can feel him right behind me, just like he was in the arcade that Saturday long ago. My breath catches in my throat as my heart starts to race. “Rick… don’t…” I complain feebly. “Not here, please.”

“God, I want you so bad, Holly,” he murmurs in my other ear. I feel his hand slide down my side and come to rest on my hip. “It’s so hard to resist you every day.”

I swallow, but there’s nothing there, I watch the blocks stack up until the game-over message scrolls down the screen. I don’t even give a modicum of a fuck anymore. Rick takes my hand from the joystick and spins me around until my back is up against the cabinet. “Not here, please Rick,” I beg, not for a moment hoping that he stops.

“There’s nobody here,” he grins wolfishly, glancing around. “They’re all in the bar playing pool. “There’s nobody here but you and me. I could kiss you and nobody would ever know.”

My heart is pounding and I feel powerless as he holds my hands up against the frame of the machine. As much as I feel trapped, it feels… exciting. “We shouldn’t...Rick…”

Rick glances around again and shrugs, “There’s nobody here but us. I know you want me to do it as much as I do,” he points out. I have no idea why, but my teenage mind is so flooded with hormones that it rejects a million reasons why this is a really bad idea. All I know is that horny teenage girl brain says kiss the hot boy pushing you against the wall. My nipples are rock hard and I want him to touch them so badly that I push my chest forward as I tilt my head up towards him. “Rick…”

He leans down and pauses for a split second, teasing me, before allowing our lips to finally connect. His flesh feels like molten metal to the touch as we kiss hungrily, right there in the arcade. I can feel his hands on my body as we make out, my skin feels like a thousand volts are running through it.

I don’t know if it’s the public location that it’s so close to our classmates and friends, but I am so unbelievably taken by the moment that I have given all sense of reason to the pursuit of passion. At that moment, I didn’t care what or where we were. I didn’t give a damn who knew; I love this boy.

That idea comes crashing back to reality when I spot someone walking past us. The girl isn’t familiar and she doesn’t pay us a blind bit of attention. Fortunately, it reminds me of what we’re doing and where we are. Like being slapped in the face with a flaccid trout, the passion is gone and I’m back in the real world.

“Rick, no,” I assert, gently pushing him back. “We can’t, not here…”

Rick’s face transitions from confusion to understanding and he nods, clearly still flustered. He is coming to his own slightly slower realization as his own horny mist subsides. “I’m sorry Holly, I… you’re… I can’t resist you.”

I grin sheepishly and give him a look that suggests I’m in total agreeance as I straighten my clothes. “I feel the same. We don’t have long left. We can hold out… probably.”

Rick grins and nods. “Wanna head back? Show our faces?”

I nod reluctantly. “Best had, or they’ll wonder what we’re up to.”

We make our way back through to find the others who are indeed playing pool over by the bar area. Calling it a bar is generous; the strongest things they sell are energy drinks.

Socializing, in this context, mostly means standing around while other people talk. I don’t actually have to give much input, just be seen in public with these people. Ever since the cat got released from her hessian prison, It’s been an increasingly difficult job to maintain Alex. If I let myself slip when I’m talking to the girls, Rob or Rick, I could get myself in real trouble.

From my inexperienced observations, Operation: Loveheart has been going swimmingly. So far, Megan and Rob seem to be behaving in a very friendly manner towards one another and I’m pretty sure I noticed a few hand brushes occurring. Hopefully, something useful has been kindled here tonight.

Being a teen hangout, we were all kicked out a little before ten that evening. I long to kiss Rick goodbye, but with so many people around we have to be strong. Rather, I have to be strong for the both of us if tonight is anything to go by. Well, I played my part too, but that doesn’t matter… probably.

Rob, true to his word was waiting by the car when we finally made it outside. Recovering coats could be a complicated business sometimes, especially when Kara insisted on peeing before we left. With little fanfare, we all piled into the car to head home. It wasn’t missed that Megan chose the front passenger seat of her own accord this time.

The ride home was light and friendly with the four of us chatting away after what had turned out to be a pretty decent evening. It would have been a billion times better if I was Holly for all of this, but hey, my time will come.

Once we dropped the sisters home and it was just Rob and I remaining, he changed the topic almost immediately.

“Don’t think I didn’t see your little games tonight,” he pointed out as we set out for home.

“You two needed a shove,” I point out. “Promise you’ll treat her well? She’s one of my best friends.”

Rob glances over and nods. “Thank you, Holly.”

Aw shucks. “You deserve to be happy,” I reply, squeezing his arm.

Rob chuckled quietly. “When the guys told me they sent you off to try and put a word in for me with Megan… I knew they had no idea what they were asking. I never thought you’d actually do it though.”

“She likes you too, but I think you already know that,” I point out.

“Yeah, she does… we do,” he admits.

My brother looks happy; that makes tonight worthwhile to me. Now, I just to make sure that both of them know that if they hurt the other, I can get access to very sharp blades.

 

 

Gaming was always one of my favorite activities, but I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of that by now. I spent most of Saturday morning lounging on the sofa with my controller blasting bad guys and snatching gold as my favorite cartoon dragon.

For me, gaming had been a genderless distraction that allowed me to escape the bounds of my physical body and vanish into the digital world. There, I could be a magical beast, a boy, a girl, or anything that I wanted to be. I will admit, I loved swinging from platform to rockface in pursuit of ancient treasure as Laura Loft, even if most of my classmates only liked her for her pixelated assets.

A text on my phone disturbs my gaming, making me miss a jump and fly head-first into an explosive vase. My rather crispy dragon blinks back at me in disappointment, covered in soot before she passes out. Sigh.

Kara: “Hv tht CD 4 u, bring ov l8r x K.”

She had been promising to lend me one of her new albums the night before, so I had been half expecting the message. Now that it’s acceptable for me to listen to girly pop I may or may not be going down a very pink rabbit hole; I have no regrets.

Returning my phone to the sofa’s arm, I restarted the level and got back to playing. While today was intended to be a casual and lazy day at home, I had taken care to dress nicely that morning, if still somewhat comfortably. After last night, a tiny part of me was hoping that Rick would call by unannounced again; this time I would not be found unprepared!

I was wearing a cropped slouchy sweater in a lovely cream color that was hanging off one shoulder with a flouncy floral maxi skirt. It made me feel extra girly; after spending extended time as Alex yesterday, that felt rather good. My hair was neatly brushed and my makeup was light; just a little mascara and some gloss. Overall, I was a pretty well-put-together gal for a day on the sofa.

Another level completed, I checked my phone; still no texts or calls from Rick. Maybe I’m over-preparing for something that isn’t going to happen? As nice as it feels to look good, I’m also a major proponent of sweatpants and tank tops. Cozy goblin mode is pretty hard to overstate.

I turned off the console and replaced my controller in the cabinet before heading for the stairs. If he comes over, he can hang out with me on the sofa and experience Goblin Holly at her very finest. I can’t have the boy expecting me to be a perfect model of femininity every time we are together; he might get ideas.

The doorbell rings as I reach the top of the stairs. Turning, I trotted back down just as Rob stuck his head out of the kitchen, half a sandwich sticking out of his face. I wave him off as I skid across the tile floor trying to stop in my stocking feet, “I got it, It’s Kara for me!”

You know how my dumbass works, right? Blind hope, luck, epic incompetence, and a dash of high charisma score. I don’t bother to check my assumption, being an all-knowing teen. Instead, I swing the door wide open. “Thought you were coming lat…”

“Uh, Chrissie?” Garry asked, furrowing his brow.

Oh fuck.

“Alex? What the fuck are you wearing?”

Shit, fuck, shit, fuck… think fast… don’t think fast… panic.

“I can… I can expl…” I sigh, letting my shoulders drop, “I got nothing.”

“What the hell is this?”

Rob wanders up behind me still eating. “Hol, you good? Either get in here or close the doo… oh.”

Fuck

Rob looks down at Gary’s growing disgust and frowns, “Right, you… inside.”

“Ugh, no,” Gary frowns. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Because I’m telling you,” he growls. “Get inside right now, or I will pound you to dust, runt.”

His revulsion at me aside, Gary complies with the slab of brother’s demands and slinks into the lobby. On the way past he casts me a sidelong look of something approaching disgust.

“Why are you pretending to be a girl? Why is your brother ok with it?”

“I’m not pretending,” I reply with more conviction than I feel. I realize I’ve got to make a stand here. I gesture at my body, “I am a girl and this is the real me.”

“You’re not a girl, Alex.” Gary points out. “You’ve got a dick, I’ve seen it.”

“You; have a bit more respect for her,” Rob growls as he folds his arms menacingly. He stands behind me as an imposing wall of gorilla, seemingly content to let me do most of the talking. Scary dog privilege is real I guess…

“I know that, Gary.” I start out slowly, not willing to look him in the eyes. “I know what my body was like, but that isn’t who I am; not inside.”

“So you want to be a girl? That’s weird. You were a normal guy yesterday!”

I laugh at that, a genuine, heartfelt laugh. “I’ve not been normal for a very long time. Can you honestly tell me that I’ve been particularly guyish? I like you Gary, but I’m not like you.”

I look up, and he’s staring at me. It’s not disgust, but it’s a serious disdain. “How long have you been gay?”

Eye roll.

I doubt this will be the last time that someone asks that question, so let's try to be polite about it.

“I’m not gay; this isn’t about who I want to date or anything. This is about who I am, in my heart.”

Gary glances at Rob who is still glowering from one side like some sort of violent referee. He returns his gaze to me and inclines his head like a spaniel. “This is why you’ve been spending so much time with my sisters, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” I admit with a shrug. I watch his eyes as they follow my chest as my shoulders move and regret the action immediately. “I told them back in September.”

“Figures; I was convinced you’d turned gay,” he admitted. “How come your brother knows?”

“Because she’s my sister,” Rob interjects for the first time. “She’s our parent's daughter, our sister, and her name is Holly.”

Gary’s eyebrows rise. “Shit, you told your parents? They didn’t ship you off to some shrink?”

“I’m not crazy, I’m transgender. This isn’t some sickness or curable thing.”

“Like on the talk shows? Transvestite?”

“Transgender,” I correct. “It means that I was born in the wrong body, my heart, my soul… is female. My body… well, it was male.”

“Was?”

I blush, I don’t really want to have this conversation. “I’m being treated, and it involves changing me, with like, medication.”

“A sex change? So why are you still at our school?”

The word makes me cringe but my young self in the early 2000s doesn’t correct him. Now? I hate the idea of it like the many other slurs. “I’m transferring at the end of the semester, so I’ve just got to make it to the end. Please don’t say anything to anyone?”

Gary seems to mull over the words for a moment. “I guess,” he shrugs. He seems surprisingly non-committal, but thankfully Rob helps to clarify matters.

“You’re not going to say shit, Gary. If you do, I will ensure the entire football team uses you for tackle drills until you end up in a wheelchair.”

Gary turns white and holds up his hands. “Yeah, ok dude, I get it. I won’t say anything about he… hi…her?”

Rob looks at me and I give him a curt nod. That’s about as close as I can expect from whatever this messed-up situation is. I will have to inform his superiors of his awareness so they can properly deal with their brother. Oh, you thought I meant his parents? No dear reader, his superiors.

Rob walks Gary out, leaving me alone in the lobby. I’m not sure how I plonked myself in this mess, but I managed to just about survive it for now. I really need to be a lot more careful going forward. Thank god big brother was there to step in. If I had been here alone, I am positive that my truth would be all over the school by Monday. As it is, I’m relatively confident that he’s never going to utter a word.

Have I lost a friend? Time will tell.

Probably... Sigh.

 

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