I’m almost done making dinner by the time Mom and Dad get back from my school meeting. I figured after what is likely to have been an arduous session, that they would like some peace to sit and eat; I’m such a wonderful and thoughtful daughter! At least I can manage a consistent gender presentation this time. I’m still kicking myself from earlier.

I’m dressed pretty casually in a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, but they’re decidedly girlier options than Alex would have worn. Before you ask, no they’re not pink, gag. It feels really good to be a slouch and yet, still be myself. What? Did you think I’d wear pretty skirts and tops all the time? Yawn. Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to get all dressed up just to make food and relax.

I will admit that I’m a little nervous to find out what the school has said. Honestly, I’m not even sure if they’ll let me switch over to the Girls Division. A whole new school would be jarring academically, but I’d get a totally clean break which might be neat.

As if to answer my question, I hear Mom and Dad come home right as I’m taking the Enchiladas out of the oven. Remember, I can cook, I’m not just a pretty face.

“Hey baby, that smells lovely.” Mom offers by way of greeting as they enter the kitchen.

Truth be told, I’m a little nervous to discover the outcome of the meeting. When I finally turn to face her she doesn’t look all that upset. I think she spots my unspoken question and smiles reassuringly “No bad news honey, we can talk over dinner ok?”

I give her a nod and return to serving dinner. Tonight that is Enchiladas as I mentioned, accompanied by salad and a little rice. It’s about as authentically Mexican as my very white ass can manage, but it does taste pretty good. We all sit down for dinner and talk about general family nothings until we finish the main course. Once that’s done, Mom takes charge.

“So, we spoke with your school about the incident this week and also your particular situation.”

Dad chimes in. “As expected, the Principal was most accommodating given their liability, as we assumed. That boy is suspended for two weeks and will be on probation until the end of the academic year. He’s also being moved off your table and to a different lunch sitting.”

Mom nods, do all families do this back-and-forth tag team routine or is it just mine?

“He’s already off the team too,” Rob points out, squeezing my leg under the table. “Nobody will talk to him anymore. They like you Hol, they never liked him.”

“They might not like me for long,” I sigh.

“That part, I do have some news regarding,” Mom offers. “We brought up your… unique situation and the fact that you are not yet ‘out’ to anyone at school. With the prospect of you returning, we wanted to discuss their position and policies. Your principal mentioned that a number of teachers had raised concerns about you.”

“I’m a good student though?” I ask uncertainly. “I don’t get in trouble, Mom.”

“Not academic or social, darling, more that they had worries about your health and uh, development.”

Dad tags in. “He said several had come to him with concerns about your isolation and depression. Also that a couple had perhaps, noticed some changes in you recently too.”

Ah, yes, national hide-and-seek squad member candidate, that’s me.

“What did they say about my being Holly at school?”

“Well, these are important years for you academically, but they’re keen to exercise their diversity policies. With them not beholden to the same laws and policies as the local authorities, they can make some allowances, depending on various factors.”

“So I’d continue going to the boys' school but as a girl?”

“We’d need to see the Principal of the girls' school, according to Principal Gardener it would be entirely her choice. He doesn’t think there would be an issue as the school board policies do have some protections in place.”

“I’m kinda surprised that a stuffy school like that even thinks anyone LGBT even exists.”

“You’d be surprised,” Dad answers with a chuckle. “A lot of Alumni hold a great deal of influence at places like this. It seems that in this case, enough of them have an interest in equality.”

“So when do we go to see her? And what other factors?”

Mom makes a face, “They made comment about some matters I know would never be an issue for you but they did raise questions over changing facilities and bathrooms.”

“What? What do they expect? That I’m doing this to perv on other girls?”

Mom chuckles. “The fact you said other girls says it all darling; you are just another girl. I have no doubt Mrs Carlos will see that when you meet her next Friday.”

Gulp.

“Me?”

Mom nods. “Yup, we’re all going to see her at five, so you can come home and change before we see her. Hopefully, we’ll have had a chance to see Carol before then too.”

Rattus smellus.

“Carol?”

“Mom nods, “Doctor Ward; she has a psychiatric practice locally that specializes in gender and sexuality issues. Your father and I think seeing her and getting a formal diagnosis would help ease your path.”

“So you want me to see a psychiatrist? To work out if I’m mentally ill or confused?”

Mom shakes her head and takes my hand across the table, “No, sweetheart, to get you a formal diagnosis so we can start moving forward for you. I think it’s very clear to every single person around this table that you are Holly Winters, our daughter, and Robert’s sister. Sometimes the world just needs a little paperwork, and you might want someone to talk to who understands all of this better than we do.”

It makes some sense I guess but what teenager wants to admit that she needs help? Honestly? The idea of psychiatrists scares me. As convinced as I am that I am as female as anyone else, a little brain worm at the back of my brain is terrified that a psychiatrist will declare me crazy and tell me I’m imagining all of this. I know it’s not likely, but it does scare me, as much as I know this is a necessary step.

“Ok, I’ll go. When?”

“Wednesday evening after school, I’ll pick you up, ok?” Dad offers. “Your mother has surgery.”

Dad’s going to take me to the gender shrink? I suppose that’s an endorsement if ever there was one. He and I have never had a super close relationship, but I can tell he means well. He’s just one of those guys who struggles to share things like feelings and emotions.

Well, we have a game plan at least; psychiatrists, schools, and my future. If everything plays out, I might even get a chance to graduate as myself. Wild thought, huh?

If you asked me what might have happened seven months ago when I first started hormones, I would have told you I was looking forward to graduating, getting to college, and coming out. Now? I have absolutely no idea.

 

 

My weekend was honestly unremarkable in its awesomeness; I was simply Holly Juliette Winters (I love saying my name). I could write a billion chapters about getting up, brushing my hair, spending time trying on clothes, and learning how to apply makeup, but you’ve read so many of those. Frankly, in reality, it’s not quite as exciting as the fiction makes it out to be. How many times can you try to do winged liner with hooded eyes? Many is the answer, far too many.

What does really suck, however, is getting up Monday morning. See, for a school kid this automatically sucks. However, in my situation, it also meant that I woke up as a girl and I got dressed as a boy; which sucked. Coming off almost an entire week as my real self, it was a jarring experience to have to force Holly back into a box and to revive Alex. I know it’s temporary now and that does give me hope, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I have taken to wearing a T-shirt under my dress shirt and over my sports bra to help generally flatten my shape. It was a bit less conspicuous than a hoodie, and it helped keep me a bit warmer as the fall really gripped our part of the world. Did I still see Holly looking back at me in the mirror? Sure I did, but I don’t think I can unsee her now. Let’s hope everyone else doesn’t, eh?

When I made it downstairs, Rob was eating breakfast at the kitchen island. I made my typical beeline straight for the coffee pot and stuck a pop-tart in the toaster while I made a cup of my Elixyr. When I turned around, he was just watching me with a sad look on his face.

“What’d I do?”

“I can’t see him anymore,” he smiles sadly, “not even a hint.”

I slouch and scowl, “how about now?”

Rob chuckles, “It’s a little better but it’s not that convincing, sis.”

“It will have to be,” I sigh, juggling the scalding pastry in my fingers. “I’ve got to hold out as long as they need me to.”

“I told Dad to head on to work,” Rob continues. “I wanted to give you a ride in myself today.”

“Why so generous all of a sudden?” I raise an eyebrow.

Rob shrugs, “I want to look out for my baby sister, and figured you’ could do with a break from the olds.”

I give him a thank-you elbow nudge as I stuff the pop-tart into my face. I might be a girl now, but behind closed doors, delicate I am not. Does that make me a bad girl? No, not even close. I grew up with a big sister; you should have seen that woman eat sometimes, it was like watching a tornado hit a grocery store.

The drive to school was pretty normal, or rather, whatever I can manage to call normal these days. Going with Rob was unusual, but it wasn’t the first time either. This time felt different however; our relationship had changed. My brother is a good man, and he has always had my back. I think I appreciate him now more than ever.

We pulled into the parking lot at school a little before eight-thirty and Rob shut the engine off. We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us making any effort to get out of the car yet. I won’t lie, I’m a little nervous now the cat is out of the proverbial.

“Are you going to be ok?” he asked finally, breaking the silence.

“It’s just any other day Rob,” I sigh. “I managed to get this far, right?”

“I won’t be far away Holly, Ok?”

“Remember, I’m Alex when I’m like this,” I correct him, gesturing at myself. “Let's try and stick to Alex or you’ll fuck it all up.”

“Like an undercover spy?”

I look over at Rob and smile, “Exactly. now don’t blow my cover, bozo.”

There’s a sharp rap on the window that makes me jump as Rob’s teammate RJ sticks his face against the glass like a goon. I roll my eyes, once my heart settles down, but Rob just laughs at his idiot friend’s antics. Apparently, this is normal for them and just further serves to remind me that boys are another species altogether.

As we get out of the car to join them and head into school, defensive man mountain, Face, lumbers over and throws his tree trunk arm around my shoulders, nearly flattening me in the process. “Hey little dude, you all better now?”

I attempt to dislodge the Winnebago that’s landed on top of me. “Yeah, ow, I was! Get off me you oaf!”

“Leave h…im Face,” Rob calls over, blatantly stumbling on my pronouns; good work Bro, you had one job. “We don’t need Alex broken again!”

“We were worried, you know?” RJ offers, grinning at me. “We kicked Brandon’s fuckin ass after what he did to you.”

“Yeah, you’re like a lucky charm for us now. We haven’t lost a game yet this season.”

“I’m not joining the cheer squad guys, no matter how many times you ask,” I deadpan as we walk towards the school building. “I really don’t look good in red and white.”

Rob nearly chokes at my comment but his friends just laugh. Maybe I can get some fun out of teasing him now he knows the truth? I know it’s evil, but sometimes the best defense is actually a good offense. Joking about girly things might actually throw people off more than avoiding it entirely.

I smile to myself as I let the others talk and joke as we make our way into school. The real secret here is that I’m still Holly right now, not Alex. I know Kara suggested it, but the reality is that after the hospital and my big reveal, I don’t actually feel like him anymore. No, I’ve not got some crazy split personality developing, I think that finally allowing him to drop away has been a one-way journey for me mentally. Now he’s gone I feel… free. It’s hard to describe, but I think it might be, happiness. Even dressing like this can’t take it away from me, not entirely.

Homeroom is basically a non-event. Sure, some people welcome me back and my receiving a monumental beating and still being alive is apparently noteworthy, but nobody seems to notice anything else beyond that. To them, I’m still the runty effeminate nerd Alex, so no news there.

Anyone who’s ever taken any time off school for medical reasons will know that coming back is a blur of catching up and missed homework. A week off school isn’t as fun once it’s over! Thankfully nothing has gotten too far ahead that I can’t catch up once I get back into my groove. I might have ditched Alex, but ya girl still intends to make it to medical school in one piece, and that requires academic exercise!

By the time we get to lunch, I’m pleasantly surprised to find out that Darth Dipshit’s replacement is Carson Orlinski, the team’s quarterback. While we’re not exactly buddies, but he’s a nice enough guy and since Rob got me involved with his band of brain-damaged amigos, we’re on amicable nodding terms. (For guys, this is like, totally friends I think.)

“The wounded warrior returns,” Carson greets me as I arrive at my spot next to the head. A quick glance down the table shows me most of them aren’t quite sure what to say yet.

“Sadly, the hospital decided I was already this brain-damaged before I hit the floor, sorry to disappoint you guys.”

“I think they’re more in awe that you stood up to that assclown,” Carson chuckles. “Plus the blood kinda made it more graphic than that one Taco Day incident with the guacamole.”

I shudder as I sit, remembering said incident well. “How much blood was there?” I genuinely don’t remember any blood.

“Eh, enough for Mister Walker to end up on his butt when he was pulling us off Brandon.”

“Do I get double points for taking down a teacher too?”

“Tripple, seeing as you managed to get the entire football team to agree on something,” Rick adds as he arrives and drops into his seat across from me. The little smile he gives me makes my heart flutter. God, being around him is so difficult.

“We’re glad you’re alright.” he offers, “I think I can speak for everyone here when we say the table has improved since last Tuesday.”

There’s a general murmur of agreement and not a few chuckles from around the table. It finally breaks the tension and lets us get back to more important matters, like food. Before long, we’re chatting and eating like regular people. I have to say, it makes a difference from the tension that’s plagued lunchtime all semester so far.

My afternoon is largely without incident and before long I’m boarding the bus for my ride home. Rob offered to give me a ride, but I didn’t want to be smothered either. This girl has to stand up for herself and show that she’s not incapable of functioning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to ask for help, but I also don’t need to be treated like I’m fragile or broken.

“So did everything… go?” Kara asks casually avoiding specifics.

“Pretty good,” I admit, “Nothing weird today, considering everything.”

Gary looks rather suspicious, “why would anything be weird?”

“So many reasons,” Meg giggles.

“Are you two still pretending to date him? It’s so weird.”

Megan drapes herself across me and leers suggestively, “Wanna make out baby?”

I shake my head and sigh dramatically, “No, it will make Gary jealous darling. We should refrain in public, they just wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m going to be sick,” he grumbles.

I smile, it’s a happy genuine smile. This almost feels normal, even if I can’t really be me at school yet. For the first time in my life, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it’s uplifting in a way I had never possibly imagined.

 

 

For most kids in school, getting home feels pretty awesome each afternoon. No matter how good your experience is, I can guarantee that for me, it was a billion times better than Monday afternoon. No sooner was I through the door than I performed a metaphorical Jim Carrey from that movie where he becomes God? You know the one, the arms out and back, and the clothes come flying off? Yup, that was me, only in my room and a lot more messy.

Within fifteen minutes of getting home, I was out of my school drab and into a denim skirt and a cute little blue top with capped sleeves. I brushed out my hair and applied a little mascara and gloss before pronouncing myself ready for the world at long last. Bouncing back downstairs, I was grabbing myself a soda when Mom arrived home.

“You’re home early?” I smile, kissing her on the cheek in greeting.

Mom smiled as she dropped her bag on the island. “Yup, My early surgery went well so I decided to beat it before they found me anything else to do; privileges of the position. What are you up to? catching up on your homework?”

Nothing slips past Mother dearest.

“I was just heading up to get started on that mountain,” I admit. “I wanted to get changed out of Alex first.”

Mom chuckles. “That sounds a little schizophrenic, darling.”

“Alex is a camouflage,” I shrug dismissively. “I was barely hanging onto him for some time, now? He’s a shirt I wear so that I can look like a boy.”

Mom’s face goes through some contortions and I suddenly feel very horrible indeed. My soda ignored, I rushed over and wrapped her in my arms, “I’m sorry Mom, I didn’t mean it like that.”

My Mom’s voice is a little husky when she finally answers me after a long moment in each other’s arms. “It’s ok sweetheart, I know how you meant it and it’s fine, really. Just understand that it’s still taking some time for me to let go of the little boy that I raised.”

“I’m the same person,” I mumble dejectedly. “I was always Holly, on the inside.”

Mom strokes my hair and holds me close, “I know darling, but for the longest time, I thought I had a little boy. I was wrong, and I’m so glad that I have a little girl, especially a happy one. It will just take me a little time to get used to dismissing Alex quite as easily, baby.”

I pull back and give Mom a sad smile and a nod. I understand where she’s coming from and I can sympathize. For her, Alex not existing, is a much more recent development, even if she knew before I told her. In a way, it’s a transition for her too and I need to give her time.

Mom kisses my forehead and steps back. “Right, I’ll make dinner, you get yourself upstairs and work on that pile of homework. You might well be my little girl now, but you still need to get a 4.0.”

I sigh, with dramatic daughterly energy, “Yes Mother.”

 

 

The first Wednesday since the debut of the new hit Broadway musical; Holly Winters - Schoolboy arrived, and with it, my first time using the gym since my feminine debut.

Andy wasn’t in school today, so rather than walk alone, I hung around to wait for Meg and Kara so I could go with them. I have to say, it was nice to just let the mask down and be myself the second we were away from the school campus. Sure, I’m still technically dressed as a boy, but I’ve ditched my jacket and tie and look rather more androgynous in just the shirt and trousers. My level of fucks given is reaching a critical low these days.

“So you’re going to see a therapist later tonight?” Kara asked. “What do you think It’s gonna be like?”

I actually haven’t given it a lot of thought because the idea scares me more than I want to admit. “Maybe good, maybe bad,” I shrug. “I don’t really know what to expect. It’s not like I need help working out who I am; that’s pretty settled. I’m more worried that they’ll tell me that I can’t be me.”

“Nah, everyone else needs help working out what you are,” Megan giggles. “How’s the double life going since the big reveal?”

“Better than I hoped, but harder than I’d like,” I admit. “Rob’s been good so far; no slip-ups that I’ve heard. Plus, keeping the Alex mask at school is a lot easier than I had expected. Now I know I’m deliberately playing a role, it’s much more simple to pretend.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” Kara offers, giving me a sad smile. “Now, more than ever.”

“Because I know that it will end soon enough,” I reply quietly.

Our conversation pauses while we walk through the front doors and into Skyline’s front lobby. Once we’re through, Megan starts up about some drama between a few of the girls at school. I’m paying rapt attention to this because this is soon going to be my world, either here or in some new place. I’ll need every opportunity to get a leg up on the jungle that is girl world. What? You thought it was all flowers and sisterhood? Hah, you poor fools.

It turns out that I’m paying far too little attention to anything BUT this conversation because I stop dead in my tracks when I see a topless girl changing into a sports bra right in front of me.

“Gak!” I gulp, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Shit, uh, wrong uh…”

Yeah, you can tell what I did right? I walked right into the women's locker room alongside the sisters, didn’t I? Right now I’m gawping at the doorway and about to cause a massive scene if I don’t think fast, and I don’t.

Kara’s brain is thankfully working and she shoves me around the corner and into the bathroom area near the front door. Not as I had hoped, back out into the corridor.

“Shut up, just get in one of the stalls and change already.” she hisses quietly. “It’s too late to back out now.”

“I can’t change in here,” I whisper back sharply, “You need to go outside and check if the coast is clear.”

“I could, but how are your pretty shaved legs going to look in with the boys, huh?”

Oh yeah, she might have a point there. I slap myself on the forehead and just nod as I retreat into the toilet stall. It’s pretty cramped for changing but it’s not particularly awful either. On the bright side, it’s not a huge stinking fit about a ‘boy’ in the girls changing rooms. That would bring way too much attention down on me, for sure. What I’m going to do with anyone that does see me I don’t know… that however is a battle for another time. I guess I’m just glad that I have an ace up my sleeve for later.

I slip out of my clothes and into my shorts and T-shirt. I really had been so busy that I hadn’t thought about my damn legs at all. I could have brought sweatpants like a normal non-stupid person but apparently, that was too complicated for my fish brain. Remember my dominoes theory? Yeah, that would tip me well and truly over the scale, not that I was particularly hairy before.

One thing that I have noticed, all my panic and fear aside, is that it smells so utterly different in here compared to the boys' locker room. There’s an overall pervasive smell of deodorant and perfume but generally, the guttural tang of the boys' spaces is entirely absent. You know, a girl could get used to this.

I pack away my clothes and grab my stuff before venturing cautiously back out into the bathroom proper. I nearly jump out of my skin when some random woman leaves a stall and walks casually past me and back to the lockers. She doesn’t scream or point a finger at the freak. Instead, she just glances at me before keeping on rolling without a care in the world.

The layout in here is identical to the guys, which, in hindsight, makes literally total sense seeing as its the same company. It’s pretty busy when I get back into the main room, Meg and Kara are just finishing getting changed at a bench on the far side.

I weave nervously past a few semi-naked female bodies and slide up alongside the girls. As subtly as possible while entirely red in the face.

“Oh, you’re ready? See? No fuss.” Kara smiles reassuringly. “Gotta fix that hair tho, Meg?”

“On it!” Before I can protest, my hair is out of my low ponytail and is retied higher up on my head where it bounces against my neck. When the girls are finished dressing, we lock up our bags, grab our rackets, and head for the courts.

I’d arranged to play badminton with the sisters today, so thankfully there was far less risk of us running across anyone that might recognize me had we been using the more trafficked spaces of the complex. When we arrive at our pre-booked court, there’s a short blonde girl with a pixie cut already waiting. She hasn’t noticed us yet, and is instead texting furiously on her phone.

“Hey, Tina!” Meg calls out, waving at the unknown.

The blonde looks up and waves before noticing me walking along beside the others. “Who’s your friend?”

Kara sets her water bottle down and unsheathes her racket. “Tina; Holly, Holly; Tina.”

“Hey,” The girl offers, giving me a half smile before furrowing her brow. “You don’t go to our school, do you?”

“I uh… I might be soon,” I admit. “I live near the sisters.”

“You just move here?” she asks, giving her racket a few test swipes.

“No, uh, just changing school.”

I really should have had some sort of story together but I am not particularly smart today.

She gives me a bit of an odd look but seems to dismiss it.

“Normies Vs Gingers?” Meg asks with a cheeky grin.

Tina rolls her eyes and looks at me questioningly. “Wanna?”

“Sure.”

Suddenly the tiny blonde gets this demonically evil look on her face. She grins at me before turning back to face Meg, looking awfully innocent all of a sudden. “Hey, does this make it like, shirts and skins, but for souls?”

Forget cute little giggles, the four of us burst out in deep raucous belly laughter. I can already tell I’m going to like this girl a great deal.

“So new girl, what’s your story?” Blondie asks as we make our way over to our side of the court.

“We’re childhood friends; my parents want me to change schools so I have a better shot at a good education without too many distractions.”

See, I made a decision early on that I don’t want to actively lie about my transition. I’ll never pretend to claim a period or say that I was a little girl, but I will allow people to believe what they want; implication isn’t actually lying. For example, I, a girl, can say I currently go to a single-sex school; it’s not my fault if you assume it’s an all-girls institution. In this instance, it's entirely true. Mom and Dad do want me to change schools, the distraction? Being the only girl in an all-boys school. Simple but honest, with a twist.

Tina takes up her position and stretches before we start. “You ready to bring it? These two won’t play fair.”

I glance between the sisters and my new teammate. Yeah, not a chance they’re going to be kind to us, this is war.

“Let's do this.”

The games are hard; girls might act cutesy and weak around boys but we really go really hard when it throws down. Why is it that all of a sudden, I suddenly really enjoy sports? I’m sure there’s a connection somewhere I’m missing.

The four games we play leave us sweating and exhausted by the time we’re finished. Tina and I turn out to be pretty good doubles partners, our personalities gelling rather well. Where I’ve got a bit more reach, she’s incredibly fast, darting around the court like a tiny blonde bullet. Tina is as funny and as dark as I first believed. This girl is sharp and I’m quickly starting to like her a lot, I almost feel bad that I’ve only just met her.

Tina, it seems, shares most of her classes with Megan but has homeroom with Kara. When we’re not hanging out, they’re reportedly pretty tight. I feel a little bad taking up their time recently, but they seem willing to give it.

When we’re done, we make our way back towards the lockers chatting happily amongst ourselves. Honestly, the afternoon has been pretty awesome after I got over the shock of the locker room. I fit in like this, and not just with my best friends. Sure, it’s not girls in general yet, but it’s a damn good start. Even out here sweating my tits off I’m just one of them; it feels right.

I follow the girls back into the locker room, still nervous but not entirely quite as frightened as that first accidental time. I think a few hours out here just being one of the girls has desensitized me somewhat.

Once we’re back inside I realize I’m going to need a shower if I have any hope of getting out of here and not stinking up a doctor’s office.

I slip in beside Megan and whisper in her ear, “What are the showers like in here?”

“Probably like the bo…. Oh yeah,” she chuckles quietly. “You probably wouldn’t know that either.”

She gets an eye roll in response.

“Individual cubicles with curtains, you got spare underwear? You could probably just keep your panties on and be safe enough.”

I give her a nod and a thank you squeeze before heading to my locker to get my things. Apparently, Tina has absolutely no body issues at all because blondie strips buck freaking naked before grabbing a towel, and heading straight to the stalls. With her gone, I open my locker and grab my bag. Changing in the shower cubicle? You bet I am, I’m a total chicken.

The shower area is pretty steamy and warm when I make my way inside. My heart is hammering a little as I try to quash the feeling that I don’t really belong here. I see women wearing only a towel but I also see a fair few that are going in clothed so I don’t feel too out of place.

I grab an empty cubicle and leave my bag by the small dry area with clothing hooks. The space isn’t huge but it’s clearly intended for people to change and shower. I strip down to my panties and step in to rinse off the sweat from my body. No, I’m not describing my shower, sod off. What kind of book do you think this is?

Once I’m done, I quickly change out of my soggy panties and into the spares I had in my bag. Here’s where the fun begins, the fun I wasn’t actually expecting to be able to pull off here at the gym.

The thing is, with my shrink appointment directly after I finish here, Dad is picking me up directly. I’d rather not go in boy clothes if I don’t have to, so I had planned to persuade him to let me change in a gas station bathroom or something once we left here. Not an enticing thought, and now not one I have to entertain now; thank god.

I slip into fresh underwear including a real bra and get dressed as quickly as I can. I brought a pair of black jeans, a white baby tee, and a slouchy oversized cable-knit cardigan in, even a little stylish. Better yet, it’s not an outfit the girls have seen me in, so they should be quite surprised!

The final step of my magical phonebooth transformation I had planned, was to deal with my hair. It was still a little sweaty from the gym and I had no real chance to wash it. What have I done since growing my hair out and not wanting to use communal showers? Ladies, Gentlemen and anyone in between; dry shampoo, it’s a heaven-sent miracle.

Spraying the magic through my hair, I finger-brush it into some semblance of non-sweat-crusted normality. Side benefit; this stuff gives me rather nice volume now I’m not tying it up in a ponytail. You might think this is a literary shortcut for a girl as new as me, but I’ve had long hair for years, so I’m no stranger to taking care of this mop. Mom always insisted that if I had it, iI should take care of it (Thanks Mom!)

Satisfied that my hair is reasonably clean and facing in the same direction, I pack my belongings back up and grab the purse I’d stuffed in my gym bag. With that, I exit back out into the shower room proper. The showers and the bathrooms are opposite each other by the entry to the locker room so I cross over without having to see the girls.

Feeling far more confident in my appearance now that I look like a normal girl, I set up in front of a spare sink and brush my hair. Once I’m done, I apply a little mascara, liner, and lipgloss. It’s not a lot, but It’s enough to make me feel fresh and put together. Plus I’m super slow at applying anything more at this point. I didn’t become a makeup artist overnight like all those other Trans protagonists!

The girl in the mirror is me; Holly Winters. I’m not going to win any beauty contests, but I feel like ten tons of lead have been lifted from my shoulders, and not Face this time! I grab my things and head back through to surprise the sisters. I will say, this is far more comfortable and pleasant than dodging rodents in a gas station bathroom!

With a final primp, I gather my courage and head back to the main locker rooms to find the others. I won’t lie, I’m still nervous about the women changing around me but I feel a bit more comfortable now that I know they will see another girl.

Kara, Meg, and Tina are finishing dressing when I arrive and drop my gym bag on the bench. “You guys ready?”

“Almost, we were waiting on you,” Tina shrugs. Meg and Kara? Both of them look like they just saw Jesus riding a unicycle and playing the bagpipes.

“What are you staring at?” I ask as casually as I can without smirking. “Something on my face?”

Poor Tina who isn’t in on the joke just shakes her head. “No, although your Gym kit sucks, I thought you were an incurable tomboy.”

“You should see her at school.” Kara chuckles, recovering her witts. “I swear some people think she’s a boy.”

If I was a lesser girl, I’d protest a joke like that but the little smile on her face when she says it affirms that it's a private joke said with love.

The girls finish collecting their belongings and we head out to the foyer. Not a single person screams or points at me walking with my friends. I realize just how potentially dangerous this whole thing is, but I don’t really know most of the other kids who chose to take this option this year, so I don’t care that much.

As we exit the lobby, I hear my cell phone ring.

“Yellow,”

“Holly? Where are you? I’m in the parking lot now,” Dad offers by way of answer.

I scan around and spot his car. “Oh yeah, I see you, coming now!” I hang up and point the car out to the girls. The look on his face when he spots us walking over is priceless.

“Dad Taxi all the time. huh?” Tina asks raising an eyebrow.

“Got an appointment or I’d be on the bus like a normie,” I sigh. “Hey Dad!” I call seeing him step out of the car.

“Hello…girls,” I see his face go through several expressions as his mind processes what he’s seeing. I’m pretty sure he expected to pick up me in boy drag, so I’m going to have some questions to answer.

“Hey Mister W,” Meg waves. “How’s it going?”

“Good, thank you, Megan, tell your dad hello from me. I would offer you a lift, but I’m taking this one to get her checked for a brain after the concussion last week. They’re still not sure she has one.”

“Daaaad,” I complain, suddenly pausing as I remember Christine doing exactly the same shit when she was younger. That makes me smile.

“Get in, child of mine, I’d rather not be late.”

“Yessir!” I mock salute.

I turn to the sisters and hug them both, “Cya later, I’ll call ok?”

“Sure thing,” Meg answers, “Love ya Hol.”

God, it’s so simple but it warms my heart.

I turn to Tina and offer her a little finger wave. I don’t quite know the etiquette for hugging new potential friends, she solves it by giving me a hug. “Nice to meet you, Holly. Hope you do end up transferring in, you seem cool.”

I give the girls a final wave before hopping in the car and tossing my bag in the back. Dad doesn’t say anything at first, not until we’re out on the main road. Once we’re heading back into the city, he gives me a good once over and raises an eyebrow. “I was under the impression you were attending school as a boy, darling.”

“I am,” I point out. “I brought this stuff with me to change when we were heading over here, I didn’t want to meet this shrink as Alex. In the end, I changed in the Gym before we left.”

Dad smells a rat and his eyes narrow. “Why and where did you change? Don’t think I didn’t notice that little blonde calling you Holly too.”

“Ah,” I admit, looking anywhere but at my father.

“Holly…”

“Look it wasn’t my fault ok?”

Dad grins in that parental exasperation way that all parents seem to acquire over time. “You tripped and fell and ended up in the girls' locker room?”

“Uh, actually yes, kinda.”

“Do tell.”

I proceed to explain my stupid moment and how my dumb ass ended up having to fit in with the other girls real fast.

“And you had no problems?” He asks, more concerned now than amused. “Nobody gave you any trouble?”

I shrug. “I mean, I’ve had more weird looks in the boys' locker rooms.”

Dad’s face does that weird thing again where he seems conflicted. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean that… It must be very difficult for you, all of this.”

“You could say that,” I chuckle. “Each moment I spend as Holly, it all gets so much easier though.”

“Was it really that bad?” he asks. There’s a tone to his voice I didn’t quite understand at the time. I later realized it was his own uncertainty as a father. He was afraid that he had done a bad job of raising me, that this was all his fault.

I shake my head, “No Dad, it wasn’t that bad. Well no, it was, but it wasn’t anything that you or Mom did. I had a happy childhood, if I’m honest, and it wasn’t bad at all. There were days I could forget how I felt and I almost felt happy. The truth is, this was inside me all along, gnawing at my soul from the very start.”

Dad looks relieved, “I’m sorry honey, I am.”

I squeeze my Dad’s arm and give him a smile of thanks. “You don’t need to be, I love you, Dad.”

 

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