[Monday morning]
“Broadway Electrical Supplies. How can I help you,” said Abby as she answered the phone.

The small team working in the office of a small electrical equipment wholesaler consisted of Abby, the head of sales, Michelle, the accounts manager, Jody, who did the purchasing and lastly Phil. His role was that of warehouse manager and general dogsbody. He'd fill in for the others as needed.

The fifth member of the team was Tony who did the deliveries to local customers and also handled the shipping. He owned the business was very hands on and was out making deliveries. He liked the personal touch with our customers and was very good at it. Any overdue accounts were soon settled after a brief visit from him. That was mostly down to his ability to talk the hind legs off a horse.

“Yes, we do have outdoor sockets that meet the IP-68 standard,” said Abby to the first caller of the day.

“I’m sorry, we don’t sell direct to the public as we are only a wholesaler. As such, we only supply retail outlets not the general public. Perhaps, I can put you onto one in your area? Where are you located?”

“Ashford in Kent? Let me have a look.”

Abby hit the keys on her computer before saying,
“The nearest retail store that we supply is Maxwells in Maidstone and they should them in stock. Their contact details are listed on the retail outlets page of our website. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Thank you for calling."

She waited a few seconds before putting the phone down with a sigh. That was a normal encounter for a wholesaler.

“Don’t say anything Phil. We all know how keen you are about putting in a service counter.”

“Me? When did I last suggest that? Oh… three years ago and Tony shot me down in flames. I have not mentioned it since, isn’t that right Jody?”

"Phil is right Abby. The only one mentioning that idea since then is your good self," said Jody as she backed him up. She also gave him a wink.

“Hmmpppphhhh”, muttered Abby under her breath.

The three of them just smiled. This was normal behaviour for Abby and part of the office banter.

Abby Brown had been dumped a few months before by her fiancé of five years. She had agreed to marry him, but he would not set a date for the wedding. After a lot of hints, she’d given him an ultimatum and gone off to Prague on a 'Hen Weekend' with a close friend, while he considered it. He dumped her by text the following night while she was partying the night away. His refusal to tell her to his face had not gone very down well with the others in the office. His electrical contracting business was now at the top of our 'do not do business with or else' list.

Michelle, was by contrast very staid and sensible. She’d married her childhood sweetheart. Fifteen years later she was still married to him and had three children to contend with. Her saving grace was that he was a born practical joker which meant that their relationship was never boring.

Jody and Phil were both single and unattached. Abby had suggested on more than one occasion that they should date, but both of them had shied away from the idea. Jody was far more of an extrovert than Phil so he’d cried away from the whole idea.

The phone rang once more. This time Phil picked up the call.

“Broadway Electrical Supplies. How can I help you.”

“Oh, hello boss.”

“Ok boss, I understand. Let me take a look at the email we got with the order.”

Phil spent a few seconds working on his computer.
“Ok boss, I have got the email. The address is Park Court, Thames Valley Park.”

He hit some more keys.
“Boss, from the ‘streetmap’ view, it looks like it is near the Oracle Building.”

“No problem, boss. Bye.”

“Has he got lost again?” quipped Jody.

“Something like that,” he replied grinning.

That was how life was at work. The boss insisted on doing the deliveries but without using a SatNav and extra directions, he was next to useless. He was the boss so… who are we to argue. They all believed that it was purely to prove his masculinity. Phil thought that he was a bit of a numpty over this thing, but he kept that to himself.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a big welcome to 'Dear Agnes.'"

'Dear Agnes' came onto the stage. Right away, you could tell that this was a drag act. But this was a very different from other such acts in that 'she' was not wearing the usual flamboyant clothes, hair and makeup. This Agnes was dressed more like a secretary from the 1950s. The makeup was a little OTT but nothing like those who appear on Rue Paul's TV show.

Her props included a small desk with a genuine 1950s typewriter that she operated during the performance. The attention to detail was appreciated by the audience.

She went into her act where she took the mickey out of Agony Aunts. Her jokes were based upon real letters that had been sent to papers like the New York Times in the post-war period. She'd read the letter aloud in either a deep male or a screechy female voice and then reply in a comic way using a voice and tone that was closer to someone like Lauren Bacall than anyone else all the time typing away.

She finished the act with a little song and dance. The song was about finding the right man and was full of jokes and innuendos. The level of applause she received at the end showed just how good she was at playing the agony aunt.

Her act went down very well because it was different to other drag acts and harked back to an age that for many of the audience, was straight from the golden age of movies. This was when women were women and dressed well, even for work. The fact that the questions to the agony aunt were real was just the icing on the cake. Agnes even came on stage wearing white gloves. They remained on the desk until the end, when she put them on and walked off stage.

‘Agnes’ went back to her dressing room a very happy person. On this night, she found a bunch of flowers waiting for her. That was a first for her, but when she read the card that came with the flowers, her mood changed.
The card simply said, 'I hope that you are going to dress like that on Monday'.

In an instant, she became very unhappy.

This and her previous gigs in London, had been a kind of safe space for her. It was far enough away from her home in Stafford to not accidentally run into someone she knew but… that idea had just been squashed flat like some bug that you step on.

Agnes changed out of her stage costume and went in search of the stage manager. He told her that a woman had given the flowers to him about halfway through her act.

“I’d take them as a compliment,” said the Stage Manager.
“I would have done but the card told me that my life is over,” said Agnes with more than a hint of sorrow in her voice.

The Stage Manager read the card and had to agree.
“She just looked like any normal woman. I mean a straight woman if you get my meaning” he said.
“We get so many stunning women in here that nothing about her stood out from any other straight woman.”

“Thanks anyway,” said Agnes.

Her journey home to Stafford on the train was fraught with angst. She was expecting to be outed at any moment. It got so bad that she got off the train at Milton Keynes and took a train to Birmingham New St. There, she got the last Manchester train of the day. Even then she felt the world closing in around her.

Phil arrived at the office as he normally did at around 07:00. He'd normally spend the quiet time dealing with any emails or Faxes that had come in over the weekend. On this particular Monday, his mind was not on work but on the impending doom that would descend on him when the others arrived after 08:30.

In preparation for what would happen, he collected his things together and put them into a plastic bag just in case he had to make an exit and unemployment. He stuffed that into the bottom drawer of his desk. Phil turned his mind to the orders and other correspondence that had come in over the weekend.

Phil hardly noticed the arrival of the whole team. It was only when Jody stepped forward and presented him with a large bunch of flowers, that he took notice.

He was about to flee when Abby said,
“You were fucking brilliant on stage on Saturday. None of us knew that we had a star in our midst.”

Phil was a bit confused.

“Abby took a video of your act and showed it to us last night. Man, that took some guts to even go on stage but you had the audience in the palm of your hand. If I was wearing a hat then I’d take it off right now,” said Tony, the manager.

“Eh?” muttered Phil.

“Phil or should I say, our very own, Agnes the Agony Aunt welcome,” said Tony.

“I don’t understand? What do you want from me? If you want me to quit, I’ll go now. I won’t argue.”

“We aren’t going to troll you or put that video on YouTube but if we did, I’m sure that it would go viral. Love, you are a star,” said Michelle.
“And we never knew about you until now.”

“But… how? How did you find out about me?”

“A phone call came in on Thursday from the club. It was when you were out at lunch,” said Jody.
“It was from the club. They mentioned that your props had all arrived unscathed.”

How he'd been discovered became clear. Taking a genuine 1950s typewriter and table lamp was not the easiest thing to carry on public transport.

“After the call, I did some digging and it didn't take a genius to discover that our very own Phil or rather should I say Agnes was topping the bill. So, I called up a friend of mine in London and took the train down before you. My friend is ‘bi’ and had been to the club a few times. I wasn't very sure about going to a gay club but she made sure that I had a great time which came to a head when you did your act,” said Abby.

“But… you all knew?”

“We did and what was worse, we had to wait until late yesterday afternoon for Abby’s report,” said Michelle.

Phil sat at his desk pretty well speechless. He could not believe that everyone had accepted that he had another side to his life.

“Phil,” said Tony,
“If you want to come to work as Agnes then no one here is going to stop you or ridicule you. If they do then they will be shown the door right there and then.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

“There is no need to say anything,” said Jody.

The ad-hoc meeting broke up and the real business day began.

Over lunch, Abby came and sat near Phil. Quietly she said,
“I loved your makeup. It was flawless. I’d love it if you would give me a makeover sometime. That look was brilliant. You were so elegant especially with those gloves.”

Phil tried hard but could not stop the tears, tears of joy.

It was lucky that there were no bare wires near where he was sitting otherwise, sparks might have flown.

[the end]