“How’s the fit?” the shop clerk asks me as I smooth the long, flowing dress over my narrow waist and smooth, curved hips.

“Be honest, Laura,” mum advises. “If there are any problems, you need to let us know now as there won’t be another chance before Saturday, and you’ll be in that dress for a long-“

“I know, I know,” I interrupt. “It’s still pinching a bit around my armpits…”

“Okay, we can do something about that,” the clerk says. “Are there any other places it’s too tight?”

“Nope,” I reply, smirking as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Looking back at me is a tall, slender young woman with long, golden blonde hair and ocean blue eyes framed by expertly applied make-up. I’m currently wearing a royal blue floor-length gown that has a bateau neckline with short, tight sleeves and matching shoes with a 2.5” heel, and I feel every bit a princess. Of course, that feeling doesn’t change when I reluctantly exchange the dress and the shoes for the skirt, top and flats I wore to the shop, especially when my soon-to-be stepsister emerges from the changing room wearing an identical (but obviously smaller and less form-fitting) dress!

“Okay, how’s the dress feeling?” The shop clerk asks the 12-year-old girl.

“It’s fine,” Lily replies.

“It doesn’t pinch, or feel tight anywhere?” Mum asks.

“No, it feels fine,” Lily replies, before pausing as if to consider something. “Can I have shoes with a higher heel on them?” I can’t help but smirk as mum rolls her eyes- it’s far from the first time my soon-to-be stepsister has asked this question.

“No, Lily, the shoes you have will be fine,” mum replies.

“I might grow out of them before the wedding,” Lily feebly protests.

“What, in three days?” I ask, giggling as Lily rolls her eyes and huffs.

“You can stop laughing,” mum chastises me. “It’s you she’s learned that from.”

“What, unashamed girliness?” I ask, smirking as mum lets out a half-chuckle, half-sigh.

“Yes, yes, okay,” mum laughs. “Don’t forget you’re not an adult YET.”

“Yeah, you’ve not let me forget that,” I say. “In case you’re wondering, I learned being mouthy from Ricky.”

“I can tell,” mum says with a snort, before smiling as the shop assistant adjusts Lily’s dress- a smile reflected on my face as I think forward not just to the weekend, and the wedding, but to tomorrow- tomorrow being the fourteenth of February, a date whose significance needs no explanation.

Of course, looking at it practically, tomorrow is just another Thursday. I’ll get up at the usual time, head to college at the usual time, do my usual college work and head home at the usual time. However, once I’m home, things will be different. Mum and Sean are heading out to a date at a fancy restaurant, and Lily will be with her grandparents, meaning that I’ll have the house all to myself, with the implication being that Kain can come over and we’ll be left alone to do whatever we want- until Mum and Sean get back, anyway. With it being the first Valentine’s Day where we’re both of legal age, both of us are, naturally, very eager to take advantage of the opportunity- and yet, I can’t help but feel anxious- scared, even. Whilst Kain and I have 'played around' in the last few weeks, we haven't had sex- proper sex- since before Christmas, and I find myself increasingly nervous about the prospect- and I know exactly who's to blame for me feeling this way.

Ever since I saw Robert at the funeral, I’ve been on edge. Consciously, I know that he’s back in prison, that he can’t hurt me, but I’m still nervous every time I’m left alone, or I see someone on the street who looks like him, or even if I hear a Yorkshire accent on the television. Ricky’s confession that he’s visited Robert in prison hasn’t helped either. My counsellor had said that listening to Ricky’s stories might help me fear Robert less, but if anything, the opposite is true. Now I don't just hate Robert, but for the first time in ages, I'm starting to distrust Ricky as well. And worst of all, whenever I think about Robert, I start thinking of myself as what I ‘really’ am- a boy pretending to be a girl.

Again, I consciously know that this thought is ridiculous. I’ve lived full-time as a girl for over five years- successfully so, in fact. I’ve taken medication during that time to prevent my body from producing testosterone, and for three years I’ve been taken oestrogen supplements that have transformed my body both inside and out. Even when I’m stripped to my underwear, no one would mistake me for anything other than a 100% woman, especially not my boyfriend- who, despite my ‘birth defect’, practically drowns in his own drool whenever he sees me naked. And within the next two years, even that ‘birth defect’ will be a thing of the past. And yet, this will still never be enough for some people- and of course, as my luck would have it, my ‘father’ is one of those people. Even though he hasn’t acted as a father to me for almost fifteen years, the mere fact that he exists will always leave me feeling uneasy- and ashamed that 50% of my DNA, especially my unwanted Y chromosome, comes from him.

Fortunately, I have plenty in my life to distract me from all of this. In three days’ time, Sean- who is much more a father to me than my ‘real’ father- will legally become my stepfather. Lily- whom I adore- will legally become my stepsister. I’ll gain a new pair of stepgrandparents, both of whom I’m already fond of and both of whom unquestioningly accept me as a girl- as do my two soon to be stepaunts. Tomorrow, I will spend the evening with Kain, whose parents and older brother see me as nothing other than Kain’s girlfriend- and nothing other than a girl. I have more family than I could ever hope for. So why am I so anxious about the one family member who not only abandoned our family, but is legally forbidden from having anything to do with me or my family?

“Okay, I think we’re almost ready for Saturday!” Mum says, earning excited squeaks from me and Lily as we head out to her car. “Tell you what, how about we stop off at McDonalds for dinner?”

“Ooh, please!” Lily replies.

“Laura?” Mum asks. “What d’you want from McDonalds?”

“Oh- umm, nothing, thanks,” I reply. “Had a big lunch, and I don’t want to rip my dress on Saturday, heh!”

“Laura, that dress hangs off you,” mum says in her familiar disapproving tone. “At least have some fries, please?”

“Well- okay,” I shrug, even though the thought of the salty snack turns my stomach. “But I am going to be having a Deliveroo tomorrow, remember?”

“I should remember, I’m the one who’s paying for it!” Mum snorts, before letting out a tired chuckle. “And before your mouth says anything, yes, I’m okay paying for McDonalds tonight as well.”

“…Thanks,” I say quietly. “For tonight and tomorrow. And the dress on Saturday, hehe!”

“Oh, you might not be saying that after you’ve been wearing that dress for sixteen hours!” Mum retorts with a devilish chuckle. “Though knowing you, you still might, heh!” Despite myself, I let out a little giggle as I roll my eyes at mum’s joke- and in fairness, I probably could wear that dress forever.

After our (in my case, small) drive-through meal, we arrive home to find my soon to be stepfather waiting for us with a wide grin on his face.

“Hello, beautiful young women!” Sean says as he gives the three of us a hug each. “Did you have fun at your fitting?”

“Yep!” Mum replies, before turning to myself and Lily with a cheeky grin. “And these two definitely did, heh! We’ve had dinner already, have you eaten?”

“Yeah, just had a ready meal,” Sean replies. “Want to save my app- my waistline for tomorrow, heh!” Even though he caught himself just in time, Lily and I still let out a shudder at Sean’s near-mention of the word ‘appetite’ and what he was no doubt referring to.

“Very funny, you two,” Mum sighs. “Go on, go and get changed, Lily. Laura, have you got any homework to be getting on with?”

“Just learning lines,” I reply as I flop down on the sofa and get my phone out of my bag.

“Which are on your phone?” Mum asks, making me roll my eyes as I head upstairs to my bedroom, where I take my script out of my college bag, but also keep my phone switched on and logged in to Facebook. It doesn’t take long for my phone to ping to inform me of a new message, which makes me forget all about my homework.

‘Hey girlie!’ Nicole types into the group chat that I find myself added to. ‘Did you have fun trying on dresses all afternoon?’

‘Hey girlies!’ I reply. ‘And if you must know, it was only one dress, and yes I did!’ I add a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji to the end of my message, which earns a lot of ‘giggling’ emojis in response.

‘Is this the dress for Saturday or for tomorrow?’ Mia asks with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji of her own.

‘Saturday,’ I reply. ‘I’ve known for a long time what I’m wearing tomorrow!’

‘Yeah, you’ll be wearing Kain!’ Nicole types, making me sigh out loud.

‘Lol,’ I type, followed by a ‘yawning’ emoji.

‘Don’t be too ashamed, Laura,’ Harriet types. ‘I know exactly which part of Mia I’m wearing tomorrow!’

‘Yeah you do!’ Mia replies, followed by a barrage of ‘kissing’ emojis from both girls that only ends when the rest of us scream at them in the chat to stop!

‘Prudes,’ Harriet types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji. ‘This is what you get for suspending the ‘tights on head’ rule this week!’ I let out a quiet giggle at my friend’s mention of the usual forfeit we have to pay if we mention boys in the chat- which would be a hard thing to avoid this week!

‘I think this might be the first year all of us have people to spend V-Day with?’ Megan asks. ‘Obviously I’m including Ash in this too even though she’s not here yet.’

‘Don’t think you need to say ‘yet’,’ Priya types with an ‘angry’ emoji.

‘Meh, I think it’s cute Ash has a real girlfriend now,’ Suri types. ‘Not that I think Laura and I aren’t real girls.’ I smile sympathetically as I remember back to time when Suri and I pretended to be Ashley’s girlfriend, to give her a chance to be the ‘real her’ in private, before she came out publicly. Since she came out, she hasn’t had a ‘proper’ girlfriend until now. She, Harriet and Mia had a confusing 'love triangle' thing going on that I'm not privy to all the details of; but needless to say, with Harriet and Mia now together, it kind of left Ash out in the cold a bit- until now, anyway. As happy as I am for Ash, though, I can’t help but feel jealous about this new girl 'stealing' one of my best friends away from me- though, of course, girlfriend or not, Ashley will still be part of the excellent eight, and I'm in all probability just being paranoid. And god knows I've had plenty of THAT going on lately.

‘I know what you mean,’ I type, sparing my friend’s blushes over her ‘real girl’ comment, which I know wasn’t meant even the tiniest bit maliciously. ‘Hey Priya, have you had your Oxford interview yet?’ I follow my message with a ‘winking’ emoji which earns a ‘rolling eyes’ one in reply from the 18-year-old girl.

‘Not yet,’ Priya types. ‘Still need to do a lot of prep for it, and I’m still keeping my eyes open for any scholarships that come by.’

‘Even if the scholarships aren’t Oxford or Cambridge?’ Megan asks.

‘They’re the best universities, but there are others,’ Priya replies. ‘Like London or Durham. And you can’t apply to both Oxford and Cambridge, it has to be one or the other, because of the number of applications they get each year. I chose Oxford in part because it’s closer to London.’

‘D’aww,’ I and some of the others type as Suri and Priya exchange ‘hugging’ emojis.

‘Are you still thinking of going to uni in London, Suri?’ Mia asks.

‘Hopefully,’ Suri replies.

‘Same here,’ I type. ‘Closer to family.’ The family I care about, anyway…

‘And to Kain?’ Nicole types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Okay, bringing up someone else’s boyfriend should mean you do a forfeit, right?’ I type with a ‘rolling eyes’ emoji, though I giggle when seconds later Nicole sends through a photo of her with a pair of ballet tights stretched over her head.

‘Are you taking adult lessons at Miss Fullerton’s class, Nicole?’ Megan asks.

‘Yep!’ Nicole replies with a 'grinning' emoji. ‘Hoping to become a teacher there so I can pester my sister!’ Nicole punctuates her message with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji, which earns a giggle from me.

‘Wish I’d thought of that,’ I type with a ‘winking’ emoji. 'Though I'm gonna pester my sister when she gets her pointe shoes. Even if she won’t technically be my sister for another 3 days!’

‘So cool,’ Mia types. ‘Is your mum going to change her surname when she gets married?’

‘Dunno, I think so,’ I reply. ‘It’s not like she’s attached to the name ‘White’ or anything.’ God knows I’m not, I think to myself self-pityingly.

‘I’m totally keeping my own surname if I get married,’ Harriet types, prompting a giggle from me.

‘Not even to MacFarlane?’ Mia asks with a ‘sad eyes’ emoji.

‘Would you change your surname to Cooper?’ Harriet asks with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji, which is followed by a ‘kissing’ emoji, which leads to one in reply from Mia, which leads to another one in reply from Harriet, which eventually leads to all of us screaming at them in the chat to stop!

The chat lasts until late into the night and I eventually head to bed just after 10:30pm, though before I go, I log in to Facebook one more time and grin devilishly when I see the one person who I hoped to see on the 'online' list.

‘Hey bae,’ I type followed by several ‘kissing’ emojis.

‘Hey babe,’ Kain replies with a ‘kissing’ emoji of his own. ‘Just off to bed now so can’t chat long.’

‘Same here,’ I type. ‘Just wanted to make sure you were still looking forward to tomorrow?’

‘You even need to ask?’ Kain asks with another ‘kissing’ emoji. ‘Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day at college…’

‘Just keep thinking of me all day, then,’ I type.

‘That’ll just make things even longer,’ Kain types with a ‘winking’ emoji which, along with the innuendo, brings another devilish grin to my face.

‘It had better,’ I type. 'Want you nice and motivated for tomorrow!'

'Every second I'm not with you is motivation,' Kain types, making me sigh happily. 'How many guys can say they're Laura White's boyfriend? One. Me. As long as you don't mind me being smug about it?'

'On this one thing, I'll let you be smug,' I type with a 'winking' emoji. 'I'm pretty smug about being Kain Dawson's girlfriend!'

'And the sexiest girlfriend in the world,' Kain types. 'I don't care what anyone says. I wouldn't swap you for anyone.'

'Me too,' I type, sighing happily as small tingles spread across my body.

'I'd better get into bed now,' Kain types. 'Want to save my energy for tomorrow!' I reply to my boyfriend's message with a 'rolling eyes' emoji, though secretly, it just makes me feel even more excited about tomorrow.

‘Sweet dreams babe,' I type. 'As long as they’re about me!’

‘They always are,’ Kain replies, followed by several ‘kissing’ emojis, each one I’m happy to reciprocate.

The next evening, Kain and I are laid together on our sofa, our tongues eagerly exploring each other's mouths as Kain slowly slides his strong, masculine hand up my top. I can feel my whole body start to tingle with anticipation as Kain’s hands explore even further, and goosebumps start to spread across my whole body as I-

“Leon!” Robert’s voice yells, startling me and filling me with fear. Almost immediately, my surroundings- including Kain- start to fade away as my father barges into the room, towering over my tiny, petrified form. “You’re coming with me!” I try to let out a scream as my father’s giant hand wraps around my tiny body, but no sound comes out. I feel the hand getting bigger and bigger around me, covering not just my torso but my legs, and eventually my whole face is covered by his hot, burning skin. I try to wriggle free, but the more I struggle, the tighter the hand gets, squeezing the breath out of my body…

“Ahh!” I gasp as I wake up in my bed, hyperventilating before I free my body from the sheets that wrapped around me as I slept. “It’s just a dream… It was just a dream.” I take several deep breaths to calm myself as I lay back down in my sweat-soaked sheets, my whole body trembling with fear. Consciously, I know that Robert can’t get me, that it was just a bad dream and that dreams can’t hurt me. That hasn’t stopped me from having similar nightmares many times since the New Year, though…

Despite my anxiety, I eventually drift off again, only to be woken a short while later by the alarm on my phone. I try to put my nightmare to the back of my mind as I shower and get dressed in my usual tight top, short skirt and black tights, but there’s something about this particular dream that I just can’t shake from my mind as I head into college…

“Hey Laura!” Suri says as she greets me with a gentle hug, though even this gesture makes me involuntarily flinch. “What- what’s up?”

“Ugh, it- it’s nothing,” I reply, forcing a grin on my face. “Just didn’t sleep well, heh. Too excited about tonight, hehe!”

“Eee!” Suri squeaks as she bounces up and down excitedly. “What have you and Kain got planned for tonight, then?”

“Oh you know,” I say as I playfully toss my long blonde hair back. “We’re getting a takeaway, watching a movie in the house where we’re going to be left alone all evening…”

“Ooh!” Suri teasingly coos. “Do you know what you’ll be wearing yet? Or I should say, do you know what you’ll be wearing for the first half of the date only?”

“Something that’d probably look too small even on you!” I say, earning a giggle from my 5’ 1” friend. "What have you and your guy got planned for this evening?"

"Ugh, sitting on the sofa watching a DVD with his parents, probably," Suri sighs. "Meh, not his fault he's got two younger sisters, not my fault I've got an OLDER sister who called dibs on our house for tonight, and definitely not either of our faults that we still live with our parents, heh."

"Meh, true," I shrug.

"And besides," Suri says with a devious grin, "that's just this evening. Tonight, after the evening, on the other hand..."

"You go, girl!" I playfully cheer, sharing another giggle with my friend as we head to our first class of the day.

After our morning classes are over, we head to the dining hall for lunch along with a couple of other girls Suri and I have formed a sort-of 'mini-clique' with. Phoebe and Rachel are two other girls on our course who Suri and I have become good friends with and with whom we regularly hang out at lunch, mainly because we're interested in the same things- acting, music, fashion and, of course, boys; and because out of the whole college, they were the first two to have no qualms whatsoever about hanging out with the Indian girl and the transgendered girl.

Even at a drama college, a liberal college, such friends are few are far between. There haven't been any more 'Melanie' incidents, thank God, and a lot of the boys are interested in hanging out with me and Suri (for obvious reasons), but sometimes- most of the time, in fact- I need the company of other girls. Suri and I are even thinking of introducing the two of them to the rest of the Excellent Eight (maybe even becoming a 'Terrific Ten'), but Suri and I would need to hang out with Rachel and Phoebe more outside college for that to happen- something we rarely do because we spend most of our free time with the Excellent Eight. This does cause a bit of a Catch-22 situation, but fortunately, Rachel and Phoebe are both more than cool about the current situation. Especially on today of all days!

“Hey girls!” Phoebe says, making me grin appreciatively. After hearing about my history with Robert, among other things, Phoebe and Rachel make a point of saying ‘hey girls’ whenever they see us- and it always puts a smile on my face.

“Hey girls!” Suri giggles. “Brain fried yet after this morning?”

“Ugh, it is SO much to remember!” Rachel protests. “I’m gonna be spending, like, my whole half term just reading lines over and over!”

“Well, if you will get one of the lead roles,” I tease, earning a smile from my blonde friend. “At least you’ll have time to learn it over half term, you won’t be too busy wearing a bridesmaid’s dress all weekend…”

“Annnnd we’re back onto talking about the wedding,” Suri teases, making me blush.

“Oh- come on…” I protest. “I won’t be talking about it after half term, promise…”

“No, you’ll be showing us photos instead,” Phoebe says, before giggling. “Though I can’t really blame you, hehe! God knows I’d be excited if my mum got married again.”

“I think it’s the dress that Laura’s more excited about, though,” Suri teases, making me blush again.

“…In fairness, you are right, hehe!” I giggle. “Looking forward to tomorrow’s dress almost as much as tonight’s, hehe!”

“You mean tonight’s handkerchief?” Suri teases, making me giggle devilishly.

“Maybe,” I reply, before blushing and giggling again. “Ahh… I dunno.”

“Is this your first Valentine’s with a boyfriend, then?” Rachel asks, causing Suri to snort with laughter, which causes me to roll my eyes.

“Hardly,” I reply with a giggle. “First one where we’re both sixteen, though…”

“Well, lucky you, hehe!” Phoebe giggles.

“Lucky boy, more like!” Suri retorts, making me grin smugly. “Either of you two got plans tonight?”

“Nothing special,” Phoebe shrugs. “Probably just cuddling up on the sofa with Dave, hehe!”

“While I’ll be cuddled up on the sofa with my script,” Rachel says with a dramatic sigh.

“That offer of setting you up on a blind date is still open,” Suri says, making our friend giggle and blush.

“I- I’ll think about it,” Rachel chuckles. "Honestly, I will!"

"Good," I say. "'Cause someone as gorgeous as you deserves to be with a decent guy."

"And God knows there are plenty of INdecent ones out there!" Phoebe snorts.

"Ugh, tell me about it," I spit. "My first boyfriend? The one I told you about before?"

"Little brother of one of the Angels?" Phoebe asks.

"That's him," I snort. "Utter. Twat. I don't care who his sister is."

"Fortunately, her friends were there to teach him a lesson!” Suri says with a giggle as she wraps an arm around my shoulder- though even this action causes me to flinch again. “J- jeez, Laura, you- are you okay?”

“Hmm?” I reply. “Y- yeah, I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You’re just kinda- kinda jumpy today, that’s all…” Suri replies.

“No, I just-“ I protest, before sighing. “I dunno, just anxious over the wedding, heh. Does anyone want to finish my salad? I’m not that hungry, and it’s got onions in it, and with tonight-“

“Oh- okay, hint taken,” Rachel says, smiling as I slide my half-finished meal over to her while I sit back and try not to feel too bloated.

As we head back to our class following lunch, though, Suri continues to stare at me with a concerned look on her face.

“…Okay, seriously,” I sigh. “What’s with the look?”

“I’m not-“ Suri protests, before sighing loudly. “I’m not staring, I’m just, you know, worried. Normally when someone hugs you, you don’t jump through the ceiling?”

“That’s not-“ I retort, before sighing. “You know why I don’t like people touching me suddenly, right?”

“This morning’s hug was hardly sudden,” Suri says. “And you didn’t finish your lun-“

“I said I’m okay, okay?” I snap, before grimacing. “Ugh, Suri- I don’t want to be angry with you, I really don’t, but I- I’m okay. Really. You don’t need to be concerned, I’m not going to relapse into bulimia. Honestly.”

“Well- okay, if you say so,” my petite friend says, throwing her hands up in defeat. “But you’re not yourself, you know? First Ash, and now you, I- and I don’t mean this as if to say ‘all my trans friends are being weirdos’, but-“

“Good,” I interrupt, making my friend sigh.

“Laura,” Suri continues. “If something’s wrong, just tell me, okay?”

“If something’s wrong, I will, I promise,” I say. “Suri, I- I get why you might be concerned, but everything’s fine.”

“You’ve been a bit off since the New Year,” Suri whispers. “Is- is it anything to do with your dad?”

“Sean’s my dad,” I reply firmly. “Not Robert, and he never was. Now please, don’t- don’t ever mention him again, okay?”

“Okay, okay,” Suri says. “Forget I said anything…”

“I will,” I say as we head back to class, though deep down inside, a part of me is wondering whether she might have a point…

I try to put any anxieties to the back of my mind for the rest of the day, which thankfully comes to an end soon afterwards. After saying goodbye to Suri (and making a point of NOT flinching as I hug her) I head out to the college car park, where Sean is waiting in his car.

“Afternoon!” My soon to be stepfather says as I elegantly slide onto the back seat of the car. “Good day at college?”

“Meh, it was okay,” I reply with a shrug.

“Guess any day’s going to be a bit flat compared to tonight, heh!” Sean chuckles. “On that topic, your mother’s asked me to remind you-“

“Oh- I think I can guess,” I chuckle. “Be careful, don’t trash the house, use protect-“

“She didn’t specify that last one,” Sean interrupts, obviously uncomfortable by what I’m implying. “Though thanks for not mentioning THAT while Lily’s in the car. Not that she’d understand what you meant, heh.”

“She’s twelve, trust me, she’d understand,” I retort.

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to think about that for at least the next ten years,” Sean says, before sighing. “Not that I’m complaining, but I really did have to have a crash course in raising older children.”

“Meh, you’re doing okay,” I say with a genuine smile. “God knows I’d rather have you as a father than- well, you know.”

“Yeah,” Sean says quietly as a faraway look comes across his face.

“…Sean?” I ask. “You okay?”

“Hmm?” Sean replies. “Oh, umm, yeah, just thinking… Just thinking that I don’t want any grandchildren anytime soon, heh!”

“Okay, even Lily is old enough to tell you why THAT can’t happen,” I chuckle.

“I was thinking more of your brother,” Sean says. “Though I doubt he’ll ever really see me as his dad, heh. But- but that’s okay, he was already an adult when I met him, and- well, yeah.” Despite myself, I can’t help but let out a shiver at the mention of my brother’s name- not least because of how he’s been reassociating with Robert. He’s probably seen Robert more over the last two months than he has Sean…

“Yeah, well, Ricky just does whatever he wants without thinking of anyone else,” I snort as I get my phone out of my bag in the hope of distracting myself from the awkwardness of this conversation. “Oh my god! Steph and Kayla from Out of Heaven are seeing each other!?”

“Cool,” Sean says, clearly at best only vaguely aware of who Stephanie and Kayla are.

We pick Lily up a short while later, only to take her straight to her grandparents’ house, and before too long we’re back home, where I head straight up to my bedroom to prepare for the evening ahead. First comes my underwear- a sexy bra and thong set trimmed with soft black lace, followed by a pair of sheer tights (mum having made it clear that if she ever sees any stockings in the laundry, Kain will never be allowed under her roof ever again). Next comes my make-up- thick dark eyeshadow and eyeliner and my heaviest fake eyelashes, along with a light layer of bronzer and two shades of blood red lipstick. I let my hair hang loose, but I brush it out to maximise its volume, before stepping into my dress.

As I promised Suri, my dress is extra-short and extra-tight. When combined with the push-up effect of my bra, it creates a good amount of cleavage from my fledgling breasts, and the tight hem of the dress is almost six inches above my knee. The whole dress is in an electric blue, matching my shoes (and their 3" stiletto heels, boosting my height to just over six feet); and once I've put on my favourite earrings, bracelets and necklace, repainted my nails a deep, dark red and doused myself in a cloud of perfume, I take a deep breath before standing up and looking at myself in the mirror. I can’t help but grin widely at what I see- there is absolutely no trace whatsoever in my reflection of the little boy I used to be. All I see is a hot, sexy young woman with long legs, a slender body and long, flowing blonde hair. A girl any boy would give his right arm to be with. A girl any parent would be proud to call their daughter…

I’m not left waiting long before a knock comes from the front door, and when I open it, my tall, sexy boyfriend is waiting for me, dressed in a very smart shirt and trousers and carrying a small, carefully-wrapped gift. His hair is immaculately combed, his face is clean-shaven and he smells even more incredible than usual...

“Hey you,” I say, wrapping my arms around Kain’s neck and giving him a long, deep kiss. Kain, of course, eagerly reciprocates and his hands quickly find their way to my hips- though even this touch, something I’m more than familiar with, makes me flinch…

“Hey babe,” Kain says once our lips have parted. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” I giggle as we exchange cards and presents before heading to the sofa, where our make-out session resumes. I try to put my anxieties out of my mind as I allow myself to become putty in my boyfriend's hands- this is the exact same position we were in during last night’s nightmare, but of course Robert isn’t going to break into the house or come anywhere near us- he’s in prison several hundred miles away, where he belongs. And Kain isn’t going to hurt me either- he’s been besotted with me for years, asked me out repeatedly before I eventually gave in, treats me like a princess every second we’re together, even when we’re having sex… Even if he did grab me from behind that one time…

A loud knock comes from the front door, snapping us out of our haze and bringing us back to reality, and causing me to jump in shock.

“Babe, are- are you okay?” Kain asks with a chuckle that makes me frown. “It’s probably just our food…”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” I retort, rearranging my dress from where Kain had fiddled with my cleavage. I head to the door to open it, but as I do, my hands suddenly freeze, unable to turn or even grip the door handle.

“…Babe?” Kain says. “The food’s gonna get cold the longer it’s outside…”

“Yes, I know,” I snap back, grimacing at the unintended anger in my voice. I take a deep breath to calm myself as I open the door, repeatedly reminding myself that I have nothing to fear- after all, Kain IS taller and stronger than Robert…

“Hi, got your Deliveroo?” The delivery driver, an attractive young man who looks barely older than me, says as he hands me the bag of food, his eyes lingering for a long time on my body.

“Thanks,” I say, handing the young man the money that had been left for us on the sideboard. “Umm… You at work all night, then?”

“Yeah, no romantic meal for me, heh,” the young man replies. I flash him a brief smile and start to head back inside when I suddenly freeze up as a strong, masculine hand appears on my hip…

“Thanks,” Kain- the owner of the hand- says as he takes the food from me and closes the front door, before leading me back to the living room. “So, umm… Do you want to dig in or pick up from where we left off?”

“We- we can eat,” I reply, open the food containers as Kain sighs. “…What?”

“Nothing,” Kain pouts. “Between you flirting with the delivery guy and jumping through the ceiling every time I even touch you…”

“Ugh,” I spit. “I was- I wasn’t ‘flirting’, I was just talking to him.”

“While on a date with me,” Kain retorts. “If I talked to a girl while we were on a date you’d go mental.” Thanks for THAT choice of words, I think to myself with a scowl.

“And as for the other thing,” I say, forcing the conversation back on-topic, “you KNOW not to grab me by surprise.”

“Okay,” Kain says. “I’m going to touch your thigh in three seconds, right? Three, two, one…” I watch stoically as Kain’s hand nears my thigh, but as it makes contact, I can’t help but flinch yet again. “There! You did it again!”

“Get off my back, okay?” I sigh. “Let- let’s just eat our food and try to enjoy what’s left of our date?”

“Okay,” Kain shrugs as he dishes up our food, though my appetite soon deserts me and I’m only able to eat a third of my meal before putting my plate aside.

“You can finish that if you want,” I mumble as I relax back onto the sofa and try not to feel bloated.

“Meh, if you’re sure,” Kain says as he starts picking at my plate. “If you’re still hungry, you can open my present if you’d like?”

“Well- sure,” I say, trying to smile despite our earlier disagreement as we open our gifts.

“This- oh, thanks babe!” Kain says as he unwraps his aftershave and gives me a hesitant kiss. I grin as I open my present, only to scowl when I see what’s inside.

“…Chocolates?” I ask angrily. “Seriously?”

“Umm, yes?” Kain replies, leaning in for a kiss only to pause as I lean back from him. “…What?”

“You insensitive prick,” I spit.

“What?” Kain angrily protests.

“You know I’m watching my weight,” I say. “To try to get signed to Heavenly Talent? And you give me chocolate?”

“Laura, you’re a stick insect,” Kain says. “And you’ve got thinner since Christmas too, a couple of chocolates won’t hurt you.”

“I- I think you should leave,” I say, shoving Kain’s gift back toward him.

“L- Laura-“ Kain stammers.

“GET OUT!” I shriek, causing the young man to jump to his feet in shock, before grabbing his coat and scrambling toward the front door. I watch as he leaves, before angrily slamming the door behind him. Once he’s out of sight, I take several deep breaths to calm myself, but within seconds, tears start streaming from my eyes and I slump to the floor, my heart feeling like it’s been shredded.

I try to convince myself that Kain was just being a jerk, being an insensitive boy, but as hard as I try, I can’t help but feel that I’m at least partially, if not wholly responsible for our fight. Kain’s right when he says I’m more sensitive to being touched, and maybe I have lost a couple of pounds since Christmas, but him trying to fatten me up with chocolate, and flying off the handle just because I talk to another guy is just wrong. However, as much as I try to tell myself I’m better off without him, the thought of never cuddling up to him again tears my heart in half...

I eventually drag myself to the sofa and lay there slowly weeping. I lose all track of time, as the next thing I’m aware of is the front door opening and mum and Sean’s voices calling my name- but even though I know it’s them, I still can’t help but flinch…

“Laura?” Mum asks. “Are you still up? Are you alone?”

“Umm, yeah,” I reply, taking several deep breaths to try to calm myself. “Yes to both. Kain, he- he’s gone…”

“Laura?” Mum asks with obvious concern in her voice. “Are you- oh, god…” Mum sighs as she enters the living room and sees my tear and mascara streaked face.

“Me and Kain, we- we had an argument…” I blub as mum opens her arms for a hug, which I unflinchingly accept.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” mum says. “I think you’ll be better off getting an early night, okay?”

“O- okay,” I sigh.

“Lily’s just using the bathroom to get ready for bed,” Sean says softly. “I’ll make sure she’s out quickly.”

“Thanks,” I whisper. “I- I feel sick, too…”

“Oh god, Laura,” mum sighs. “If I ever see that boy again… You- you haven’t been sick, have you?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Are you sure?” Mum asks, though judging by her tone she clearly means ‘are you telling the truth’.

“I am, yes,” I say. “I- I really don’t want to go to college tomorrow…”

“Well- we’ll see how you feel tomorrow morning,” mum says. “It’s your last day before half term so it’d be a pity to miss out, even if you will have a busy weekend.”

“Oh- oh god, the wedding,” I moan. “I’m sorry if this has ruined your-“

“No- just no, Laura,” mum sighs. “Don’t apologise for that. Yes, I’m getting married on Saturday, but I’m still your mum every day.”

“T- thanks,” I whisper as the living room door opens again.

“Bathroom’s free,” Sean says softly. “Is- is there anything I can do?”

“I- I’ll be okay,” I whisper.

“You’re sure?” Mum asks, smiling sadly as I nod and dry my eyes. “Okay. Go on, get ready for bed, we’ll see how you feel in the morning.”

“Okay,” I whisper as I head up the stairs, stopping at my bedroom to remove my dress before heading into the bathroom, where I let out a long sigh. A quick glance in the mirror is all I need to confirm that my make-up is destroyed, and as I set about removing it and washing my face clean, I feel my stomach start to churn yet again.

Would it really be THAT bad to just throw up once? I think to myself as I head toward the toilet bowl. Just once, I mean, I’ve had the worst evening of my life, and the food I ate was fatty and not very nutritious. And I haven’t lost THAT much weight since Christmas, after all.

As I open up the toilet bowl and start to poke my first two fingers into my mouth, am image of Robert’s face flashes before my eyes, telling me I need to put more weight on, build up my muscles and become a man. Back then, making myself sick was the only real victory I scored against the bastard, and right now, I could really, really use a victory…

“Laura?” Mum calls, distracting me from my task. “Are you okay in there?”

“Umm, yeah,” I reply. “I’m fine.”

“I’ve made you a cup of tea,” mum says. “That should help with your stomach. And I’ve opened a packet of those chocolate biscuits you like, if you’re up to it.”

“Okay, thanks,” I say as the nausea I feel is replaced by another feeling- one of guilt. As much as I want to beat Robert, I can’t hurt my mum again- she was particularly distraught when I was hospitalised after collapsing in Miss Fullerton’s class, and she’s obviously concerned again, but the truth is, I haven’t lost as much weight as everyone (particularly Kain) is suggesting, and throwing up once, just to cleanse myself, won’t hurt that much.

To prove this, if only to myself, I take out the bathroom scales and get ready to weigh myself. I clearly remember the last time I weighed myself as it was just after Christmas and I wanted to make sure I hadn’t put too much weight on, which I hadn’t- my weight was 8 stone and 10 pounds, which was low but still healthy for my height. When I step on the scales, however, I get a shock.

8 stone 1. Nine whole pounds, almost four kilograms lower than I was just six weeks ago. I sit down on the edge of the bathtub, shocked by this figure. I’ve honestly felt heavier than ever before over the last couple of months, so to see 8 stone 1 pound just makes no sense to me. I rack my brains as I try to work out exactly how I’ve lost so much weight, but all of my thoughts turn to one person- Robert. Dr Williamson is convinced that he is directly responsible for my original battle with bulimia, and convinced me that by beating it, I had beaten him… And I am not about to let Robert beat me yet again. Defiantly, I slam the lid of the toilet down, grab my dressing gown from my bedroom and head downstairs, where I prepare to flop onto the sofa only to be stopped by my mother.

“Wait,” mum says, staring at me with a stern look on her face. “Breath.”

“Oh- mum…” I protest.

“Come on, breath,” mum orders, standing still as I exhale in her face. Fortunately, this is enough to pacify her. “Smells like Chinese food.”

“Were you expecting something different?” I ask as I sit down and nibble at a biscuit.

“I was worried I’d smell something different,” mum says. “I always worry about that…”

“Yeah, well, you know who to blame for all of THAT,” I sigh. “God knows I do…”

“Ugh,” mum spits at the mere hint of Robert’s existence. “I know it’s your surname as well, Laura, but I will not be sorry to be rid of the name ‘White’ on Saturday.”

“…Thanks, mum, I’d never actually thought of that,” I sigh as I lean back in my seat and sip my tea. Now I’m going to be reminded of Robert every time I look at my driver’s licence, or my bank card…

“I hope you’re still telling your counsellor about all of this?” Mum asks.

“Oh- yeah,” I sigh. “We’re going to have a lot to go over next week, heh.” Including my weight loss, which you don’t need to know about right now, I think to myself.

“Including Kain?” Mum asks, making me bite my lip as tears start to form in my eyes again.

“…Yeah, definitely,” I mumble. “Ugh, I- I dunno. Maybe not seeing him as often means we were always going to drift apart anyway, but-“

“I know, I know,” mum interrupts as she sits down next to me and gives me another gentle hug. “Go on, finish your tea and get off to bed. If you still feel ill tomorrow, I’ll call in to college for you.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, sipping my tea and trying to calm myself down before heading to bed a short while later.

As hard as I try, though, I simply can’t drift off to sleep. Every time I try, my mind gets dragged back to my argument with Kain, or forward to the wedding, or to my sudden weight loss… And every time I almost fall asleep, Robert’s demonic face flashes before my eyes, forcing me awake and alert.

I’m awake when my alarm goes off the following morning, and it takes all of my energy just to drag myself out of bed and head downstairs to the kitchen, where my family await me.

“Yyyyyyyikes!” Lily says as she sees my bedraggled form, which earns a frown from me and disapproving stares from mum and Sean.

“Thanks,” I snort as I’m handed a mug of hot, sweet coffee.

“Your sister had a bad evening,” mum explains. “So cut her some slack, okay?”

“Okay, okay,” Lily says, before her cheeks redden. “Sorry, Laura…”

“It’s okay,” I shrug.

“I’ll call in to college for you later, explain you’re not feeling well,” mum says sympathetically. “Are you going to go back to bed?”

“Meh, not much point,” I reply as I sip my coffee. “I can stay up, help you with wedding stuff if you’d like?”

“Ooh, can I stay off school to help with wedding stuff too?” Lily asks, earning another disapproving stare.

“Yes to Laura, no to Lily,” mum replies.

“Come on, eat up your breakfast,” Sean instructs his daughter. “There’ll be plenty of wedding for you to help out with tomorrow!” the mention of tomorrow’s celebrations is all it takes to cheer Lily up and make her squeak excitedly- and despite the events of yesterday evening, it puts a smile onto my face as well.

My smile widens a short while later, after Sean takes Lily to school, when my grandmother (my mother’s mother) drops round and immediately makes a beeline to where I’m sat.

“Right then, young lady, I hear you’ve been a bit upset recently?” Grandma asks as she sits down next to my still-dishevelled form.

“That’s one way of putting it,” I sigh. “Had a HUGE argument with my boyfriend yesterday and- well, yeah…”

“And on Valentine’s Day too,” Grandma sighs. “That BOY is lucky he’s not here right now, or I’d have given him a piece of my mind!”

“Mum’s already got first dibs on that,” I chuckle, earning a smile from my grandmother.

“Your mother’s got plenty more on her mind right now,” Grandma says with a grin. “I take it you’re looking forward to tomorrow as well, even despite what happened yesterday?”

“Oh, definitely,” I reply with a grin. “Are you looking forward to it?”

“I haven’t been this excited since- well, since you were born!” Grandma replies with a grin. “Is your dress all ready?”

“Yep, we put the finishing touches to it on Wednesday!” I reply with a grin.

“Even if it is hanging off her a bit,” mum interjects, making me sigh.

“Well, I know what we can do about that!” Grandma chuckles as she reaches into her bag for a pile of ingredients, all of which I instantly recognise as part of the recipe for her signature strawberry mousse. “I was going to save this for dinner on Sunday, but I think someone could use it now, couldn’t they?”

“…That’d be great, please,” I reply with a grin.

“I’ll get started right away!” Grandma says, mirroring my grin. “Though don’t eat it all- make sure to save some for your soon to be stepsister, I don’t think I’ve ever made it for her before.”

“Will do,” I chuckle. “Looking forward to having another granddaughter, then?”

“Absolutely!” Grandma replies. “Though don’t tell your brother that- I’m not quite ready to be a great-grandmother, not yet anyway!”

“Heh,” I chuckle. “And you don’t need to make me the dessert, honestly, I can wait until-“

“Nonsense,” Grandma interrupts. “I don’t care how old you are, or how old you think you are, you’re never too old for a treat from your grandma!”

“Thanks,” I chuckle as Grandma heads to the kitchen to make my treat.

A short while later, she returns with a bowl of the pink confection, which I eagerly wolf down while looking through the plan for tomorrow with my mother and grandmother. The dessert cheers me up to the extent that I get dressed shortly after noon, but at Grandma’s insistence, my face remains make-up free- though she does make up for this slightly by asking me to help her with her make-up tomorrow! Grandma leaves in the early afternoon, after ensuring that I’m feeling better than I was this morning (which I definitely am) and mum leaves a short while later to pick Lily up from school. Before mum and Lily arrive back, though, a knock comes from the front door, and a wide grin spreads across my face when I see who’s on the other side.

“Hey girlie!” Megan, Priya, Suri, Nicole, Harriet and Mia all yell, practically deafening me as I open the door.

“Oh my god!” I squeak. “What are you girls doing here?”

“What d’you think we’re doing here?” Nicole replies. “We heard about you and Kain, and we’re here to help.”

“How- how did you even hear?” I ask. “I haven’t even updated Facebook yet…”

“Your sister told my sister, who texted me,” Nicole replies.

“And we’re not about to let OUR sister be miserable by herself,” Suri says with a grin as she gives me a hug and I’m ushered back to the living room.

“You were far too good for that arsehole anyway,” Harriet insists, her girlfriend nodding in agreement.

“Yeah, I- I’m not sure I am…” I mumble, earning groans from my friends.

“Oh come on,” Suri sighs. “He pined after you for months, and then he dumps you on Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah, umm,” I say with a grimace. “I kinda- I kinda chucked him…”

“…So even you admit you’re too good for him,” Priya shrugs.

“So- so he’d be an arsehole if he chucked me,” I say, “but me chucking him is also his fault?”

“Yep!” Megan says with a grin. “In relationships, everything is the BOY’s fault. One of the best things about being a girl, hehe!”

“They wear the trousers,” Harriet explains, “but we wear the skirts, which means that WE’RE in charge.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” I giggle. “So, then, whose fault would it be if two girls split up?”

“Well, you’re not going to find out from US,” Harriet says as she wraps an arm around her girlfriend’s waist. “’Cause we’re never splitting up.”

“I swear, if you two start kissing, I’m going to take off my own tights and shove them on your head myself!” Nicole threatens, earning giggles from all of us except for Harriet and Mia.

“…Well, you are pretty hot, Nicole,” Mia retorts. “So if you ever want a three- Aiiee!” I giggle as Nicole playfully lunges at Mia, almost knocking over a lamp before everyone decides they’d be safer off sat down!

The next thirty minutes are spent talking about life, the wedding, college and a million other topics, all of which I’d almost completely forgotten about with yesterday’s events.

“I mean, it WAS obvious when you think about it,” Harriet says. “And Steph and Kayla are a CUTE couple too.”

“Almost as cute as us,” Mia concurs, leaning in for a kiss with her girlfriend only to be stopped by a sudden lunge from Nicole. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can say anything, I’m interrupted by the sound of our front door opening- and my cheeks quickly redden when mum and Lily enter the room to be greeted by six unexpected faces.

“Oh,” mum says with a stoic expression on her face. “Hello girls.”

“Hi Mrs. White- umm, is it still Mrs. White?” Nicole asks.

“For the next 24 hours, yes,” mum says, a smile slowly appearing on her face. “Are you here to cheer Laura up?”

“Yep!” Priya replies with a grin as the eyes of the room slowly turn toward my blushing soon to be stepsister.

“I- I may have told Sabrina at break,” Lily confesses. “Who texted her sister.”

“Who is me,” Nicole clarifies.

“Well, I’m sure Laura’s grateful for your help,” mum says as I nod in agreement. “But I can’t really feed all of you, especially not with what’s happening tomorrow.”

“Ooh, yes, the wedding!” Megan giggles. “We’ll get out of your way. Good luck for tomorrow!”

“Thank you,” mum says, before her smile widens. “We’re having a party after the wedding tomorrow, at around 6 o'clock. If you girls want to come along, I’m sure Laura would appreciate it.”

“Wh- really?” I ask mum, who simply smiles and nods.

“…We’d love to come,” Megan says with a happy giggle as the other girls all nod. It's all I can do to blink back tears at the unconditional love my friends have for me.

“The invitation is just for you girls, though,” mum says. “No boyfriends tomorrow!”

“Oh, don’t worry, we wouldn’t even dream about bringing them tomorrow!” Priya says, smiling in my direction to let me know they wouldn’t have brought them along (and rubbed my nose in it) anyway.

“I had a feeling,” mum chuckles. “I’ll see you all tomorrow, then?”

“Sure,” Nicole says as the girls grab their coats and prepare to leave.

"I'll text you the location of the party," I say as I follow my friends to the front door. "It's not far from here, you shouldn't have any trouble finding it."

“I’ll message Ash as well, see if she wants to come along,” Nicole says. “Without her girlfriend, anyway.”

“Tch, good luck with that,” I snort as I open the front door and give the girls a hug each as they leave.

“And don’t be in too much of a rush to find another guy,” Megan advises. “Despite what we said earlier, you really could do a lot worse than Kain. ‘Laura Dawson’ kinda has a nice ring to it, hehe!”

“Like ‘Megan Dixon’?” I tease my BFF, ‘Dixon’ being her boyfriend’s surname. “Huh, sounds better than ‘Laura White’, anyway…”

“Meh, I kinda like your name,” Harriet says. “You did choose ‘Laura’, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “I didn’t choose ‘White’, though, Robert did…”

“Well- screw him,” Harriet says with a confident smile. “See you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure,” I say, smiling happily as I close the door behind my friends.

“You really do have an amazing group of friends, Laura,” mum muses.

“Yeah,” I say with a grin. “Like a second family, heh.”

After dinner, I spend most of the evening chatting with my ‘second family’, logging off only as I get ready for bed. Before I climb under the sheets, though, I log back in to Facebook and smile sadly when I see online the one name I was hoping to see.

‘Hey Kain,’ I type, sighing sadly at my use of his actual name and the lack of emojis in my message.

‘Hey Laura,’ Kain types, eliciting another sigh from me at the use of MY actual name. ‘I’m sorry about yesterday, I should’ve given you a better gift, and obviously you weren’t flirting with the delivery guy.’ I can’t help but smirk as I remember Harriet’s words from earlier- as Kain is ‘the boy’, he’s automatically in the wrong and he clearly knows it. However, as easy as it would be to let Kain come crawling back, I have to accept some of the blame as well…

‘I’m sorry too,’ I type. ‘I shouldn’t have gone mental at you like I did, and you were right, I have lost more weight than I thought since Christmas.’

‘OK,’ Kain types. ‘So do you still want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?’ Okay, let’s just jump straight to it then, I think to myself. I’m forced to concede, though, that Kain’s question isn’t an easy one.

On the one hand, I do still absolutely adore him. He’s funny, goofy and incredibly fit with his 6’ 2” athlete’s body. He’s also the boy with whom I lost my virginity- and he always will be. On the other hand, though, I barely see him now that we go to different colleges, there’s a good chance one or both of us will be leaving London to go to university, and all we really have in common anymore is sex…

‘I need time to think about it,’ I type. ‘I think we both need time.’

‘Okay,’ Kain types, and even though I can’t tell his emotions through text, I know he’ll be disappointed by my decision. ‘Do you still want to be friends?’

‘I’d like that,’ I type. ‘Talk soon, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Kain types. ‘I love you, Laura.’ My heart skips a beat as I read and re-read Kain’s message. We've said 'love you' plenty of times to each other, but never as formally as this, and I have no reason to doubt his sincerity. I can’t help but wonder, though, whether or not I love him- or ever will…

‘Talk soon,’ I repeat, before logging out of Facebook and flopping down on my bed with a loud groan. Just like with my weight loss, I place 100% of the blame for my break-up (even if it is only temporary) on Robert’s shoulders. Even behind bars, he can’t stop ruining my life, whether deliberately or otherwise. I don’t doubt that if I hadn’t seen him at the funeral, I’d probably still be with Kain, I’d probably be healthier, and I’d definitely be happier… Sometimes I think I won’t ever truly be happy until he’s dead.

However, as I’m reminded when I gaze at the blue dress hanging on my wardrobe door, 24 hours from now I’ll have a new father, a better father than Robert ever was. Even if he’ll only be a stepfather- and my surname will still be ‘White’…

My alarm wakes me up extra-early the following morning, and despite the early hour, the sight of the dress is all it takes for me to become instantly energised as I bounce downstairs and start to get breakfast ready. Mum wakes up shortly after I do (Sean stayed at his parents’ house last night for obvious reasons), and smiles tiredly as I usher her into her chair and shove a mug of hot coffee under her nose- just as she’s done for me numerous times over the last few months, especially 24 hours ago.

“Laura,” mum sighs. “You know this isn’t-“

“Ah-ah-ah!” I chastise. “Eat up and drink up, there’ll be just enough time to do your hair, make-up and nails before Grandma and Ricky get here.”

“I’m perfectly capable of doing my own hair, make-up and nails, thank you very much,” mum protests. “And you’ve had a bad few days recently. You don’t need to fuss over me, really.”

“It’s your wedding day!” I retort. “AND I’m your maid of honour, which means I get to fuss over you for once!”

“…Only if you’re absolutely sure,” mum sighs.

“I am,” I reply in a quiet voice. “I- I spoke to Kain online last night, we’ve cleared the air, we- we’re going to take things easy for the next few weeks, or whatever… See if we know what we want before- well, if we get back together.”

“Oh- Laura…” Mum sighs as she stands up and gives me a gentle hug. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay,” I sigh. “We talked, I said what I need to say and I- I reckon I’m going to be okay. Once today is over, anyway, and I finally get a REAL dad, heh.”

“Yeah,” mum chuckles, before smiling as my very soon to be stepsister enters the kitchen. “Morning, Lily! Excited for today?”

“Oh- definitely!” Lily replies with a giggle as I serve her her breakfast. “What time’s Ricky getting here?”

“Just after 10am,” mum replies. “And don’t worry, I’ve told him to be on his absolute best behaviour today, especially during his ‘son of the bride’ speech.” Ricky is acting as ‘father of the bride’ today as mum’s father (my grandfather) passed away in 2001.

“Good,” Lily snorts as she tucks into her breakfast. “Laura, can you help me with my make-up later?”

“Of course!” I reply with a giggle.

“Just as long as you remember what your father said,” mum cautions. “Light make-up ONLY.”

“Yes, mum,” Lily and I reply simultaneously as my heart starts to warm- not just at Lily calling my mother ‘mum’, which has happened more frequently in recent times, but at mum calling Sean ‘my father’. She could, of course, have just been talking to Lily and not me, but she didn’t correct me when I replied…

A short while later, the three of us head upstairs where we spend what seems like hours fixing our hair, applying our make-up and painting our nails, before helping each other into our dresses. All three of us look perfect. Lily looks a lot older than twelve with her dress and make-up, and I, of course, look as girly and gorgeous as ever, but mum is undoubtedly the star of the show in her floor-length white gown- just as she should be today.

Grandma arrives not long afterward, looking very elegant in her mother of the bride dress and hat, and Ricky arrives a few minutes later, looking very smart in his suit. Needless to say, tears quickly form in grandma’s eyes when she sees the three of us descending the stairs, and even Ricky seems to be getting emotional as he escorts us out to the waiting car.

The ceremony itself was beautiful. The registry office was very tastefully decorated, Sean and his best man looked very smart in their suits and mum and Sean's vows brought tears to many eyes- mine included. The reception afterwards was amazing too, even if Ricky, Sean and his best man’s speeches went on WAY too long. The party afterward, though, is by far the best part of the day, and after I finish dancing with Sean and his best man (as per tradition, as the maid of honour) I head to a table near the back of the room where my six friends have gathered, all looking gorgeous in their own fancy dresses- though none of the dresses are as fancy as mine, of course!

“Hey, girlie bridesmaid!” Megan teases as I approach the table.

“Hey!” I protest. “Girlie maid of honour, if you don’t mind?”

“Oops- sorry, my bad, hehe!” My BFF giggles. ”Soo… How was the wedding?”

“It was AMAZING,” I reply. “And not just because of this dress, hehe!”

“So cool,” Harriet sighs as she and Mia link fingers.

“Do we have to separate you two?” Nicole teases the young couple, who both giggle and blush.

“We’ll behave today,” Mia replies. “Besides, it’s bad form to overshadow the bride on her wedding day.”

“Even if there is only one of them,” Harriet continues. “The groom can get stuffed, hehe!”

“Hey,” I playfully protest. “That’s my soon-to- no, wait, that IS my stepfather you’re talking about!”

“Nah, Sean’s cool,” Mia chuckles. “And so’s your new no longer soon-to-be stepsister!”

“Can’t argue with that,” I giggle. “Hey Lily! Come over here!” I smirk as the 12-year-old girl rolls her eyes and slinks over to us, clearly anxious about being around seven older girls, just as I was whenever my brother would summon me over to be teased by his friends. The difference, of course, was that Ricky's friends were all BOYS, and the excellent eight are all girls- sisters, even. Of course, back when I was being teased by Ricky and his friends, I was a boy as well...

“What?” Lily petulantly sighs.

“Is that any way to talk to your favourite stepsister?” I ask, leaning in for a hug that makes Lily roll her eyes before conceding.

“Did you enjoy the wedding, Lily?” Megan asks.

“Yeah, it was cool,” Lily replies with a smile. “I’m glad Michelle’s my stepmother now.”

“Yeah, Laura was saying the same thing about your dad,” Nicole says, making me roll my eyes and blush. “You can now all be the Ruddock family! Well- umm…” I fidget awkwardly in my dress as Nicole glances at me, aware that my surname isn’t ‘Ruddock’ and isn’t going to be just because mum’s now married to Sean. However, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be if I choose it to be. After all, I chose the name ‘Laura’ for myself. What’s stopping me from choosing a newer, better surname?

I have a nervous expression on my face as I approach a table in the centre of the room where my brother is sat with his girlfriend. The empty champagne glasses on the table clearly show that he’s had more than a few drinks, as does the fact that he’s shed his jacket, waistcoat and tie and is slouched back in his chair. Alice, of course, still looks immaculately gorgeous, but what else would you expect from an Angel?

“Hi Laura,” Ricky says with a smile as I approach, accompanied by Lily and my six friends. “…What, you needed an army just to be able to speak to me?”

“I won’t lie, it’d have helped in the past,” I say, earning a snigger from Alice. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“Shoot,” Ricky shrugs.

“I- I’m thinking of changing my name,” I say.

“What, back to ‘Leon’?” Ricky asks, smirking as both Alice and I direct kicks at his shins. “It wouldn’t really suit you if you did…”

“I’m thinking of changing my SURname,” I explain. “To- umm, to Ruddock.” I bite my lip as Ricky contemplates what I’ve said- as much as he hates Robert, he's never been ashamed of being a 'White', and more to the point, he's even repairing his relationship with Robert, so he may see my decision as driving him away, even if that's the last thing I want to do...

“…Cool,” Ricky shrugs, making me blink in confusion.

“I- I’m sorry, what?” I ask.

“It’s your name,” Ricky says. “You’re practically an adult anyway, you should get to choose what you’re called.”

“Don’t- don’t you want to know why I want to change my surname?” I ask.

“I think I can guess,” Ricky snorts. “And I can’t say I blame you. I mean, I changed my name, after all, and for the same reason.”

“Wait, did you?” Nicole asks. “I definitely remember you were called ‘Mr. White’ when you did teacher training at our school.”

“Yeah, I didn’t change my surname,” Ricky retorts. “I changed my middle name. Used to be Robert, like mine and Laura’s father.” I can’t help but fidget at the reminder that that man is still technically my father.

“What is it now?” Suri asks.

“Walter,” Alice replies with a roll of her eyes. “As in ‘Walter Mitty’.”

“Or Walter White, as you well know,” Ricky scoffs, both nicknames going over mine and my friends’ heads. “But it’s my name, and I can change it however I like, as can Laura. Have you told mum and Sean about your decision yet?”

“Not yet,” I say. “Figured that could be one extra wedding present, heh.”

“Hmm... I reckon it might be their favourite one, too,” Ricky says with a grin. “Legally, though, Robert will still be your father.”

“Thanks for bringing the mood down,” Lily snorts.

“It’s true though,” Ricky shrugs. “Only way for Sean to legally be your father is if he adopts you.” I nod, though a smile spreads across my face as another idea forms in my head…

A few weeks later, I have a smile on my face as I open the formal-looking envelope that’s been sent to us, unfolding a letter that confirms that Sean Graham Ruddock has begun adoption proceedings to become the legal parent- not just guardian, but parent- of Laura Jade Ruddock. That's right- immediately after the wedding, I applied to the deed poll office to legally change my surname, which was finalised just a few days before the receipt of the adoption letter. Now, finally, every aspect of 'Leon Robert White' is in the past. I am Laura Jade Ruddock, actress, model, daughter of Sean and Michelle, sister of Ricky and Lily, and most of all, 100%, unquestionably a GIRL.

With 'Leon Robert White' being a thing of the past, it means I can finally leave 'Robert White' in the past too. Sure, he could always challenge the adoption order, but from what our solicitor tells us, that would only stand a chance of succeeding if he could prove that the adoption would pose a threat to me. And given that Robert is the biggest threat to me right now, he hasn't got a hope in hell of still being my 'father' when I turn eighteen a few months from now.

However, just as I'll never be able to escape the biology of my unwanted, hated Y chromosome, I'll never be able to escape the biology that I'm 50% him, either...