I made it a point to avoid Christina after that night, spending as much time out of the office as possible. My mother commented on my new work habits, wondering what had changed. How could I tell her I was dumped by a woman because she thought she'd ruin my reputation? I had to admit that the rejection stung, no matter how noble Christina's reason was. I thought for sure there was something between us but now it seemed I'd never know.

That virus had become a major thing and many of my clients needed major hand-holding. For some their investments were their only income and they were right to worry. Soon it wasn't just their investments they were worried about and hand-holding was out of the question.

Then it became personal. One of mom's friends had just returned from a cruise a couple of weeks earlier and she brought more than souvenirs back with her. The frantic call from mom's nurse took me to Tampa General Hospital where I found my mother a victim of the virus that I had come to see as a symbol of all that was going wrong in my life. My life! Mom was the one with the respirator fighting for breath and I couldn't even go in the room. All I could do was watch and pray for her.

I called Dan to tell him I was taking a leave of absence and gave him specific instructions on how my clients should be handled while I was gone. I wanted to call Christina but didn't. I cursed myself for being a coward. I knew it was a selfish thought but I wanted her. I wanted someone to hold on to because I couldn't hold on to mom. I went home to the empty house and for want of anything better to do began to clean. I scrubbed and scrubbed as if by doing so I could cleanse my heart of the pain.

I went to the hospital and they let me see her. I had to wear a mask and gloves but I could hold her hand and tell her I loved her. I told her she needed to get better, that I needed her. She told me I needed to find someone like she did with our father. I told her I had but she didn't want me. Mom laughed and coughed and I was about to call for nurse when she recovered and started speaking again.

"Since when has being told no ever stopped you? Did she tell you no because she doesn't love you?"

I told her I didn't know, that she was rejecting me to protect me.

"Sounds to me like she cares for you. Do you need to be protected?"

I thought about that. What was I really afraid of? Of course Christina had no way of knowing I was just as rich as our best clients. I worked because I enjoyed the challenge of helping people make money, especially those that needed it. It's why I didn't push every new investment that came up unless I felt it really would be for their long term benefit. Mom was right, I didn't need protecting. But right now mom did and she needed me.

I only found out that Tony had told Dan to refer all his clients to me because one of them insisted on speaking to me despite Dan's attempt to shunt him off to Rick Wilson, the firm's high flier.

The man hadn't been happy when Rick started pushing him to sell off his current investments to buy new ones he recommended that would generate a higher return. He asked Rick about me and the client told me Rick had said Tony was pushing me because he had a thing for 'trannies.' What Rick didn't know was this client was gay. He had called Tony at home to tell him what happened.

Tony apparently exploded and called Dan to tell him that he was personally calling all his clients to refer them to me if they had any questions or concerns. He'd already taken my advice and positioned his clients in investments that would not suffer in the long run. Dan told him he was fired. I found this out later from another of his clients who Rick had tried to churn.

I admired Tony's guts and his trust in me but saw his being fired as a direct result of getting involved with me. I was pretty sure Dan wanted to fire me too but knew his wife would ask questions plus he still needed my analyses. I'm not sure how he kept her from questioning his firing of Tony.

Turns out she didn't know he was fired just as I didn't know until one of his clients told me. Ms. Lukes found out like I did from one of Tony's clients who also happened to be one of her closest friends. Boy did the stinky brown stuff hit the revolving blades then! And I got the most surprising call from Ms. Lukes. She asked me, ME, if I could convince Tony to come back to work for the firm. I'm not sure why she even thought I could convince him to come back. Just because she saw us together that one night?

I didn't know what good it would do but I felt guilty, that it was my fault he got fired and I didn't want him to hate me. It was with great trepidation that I called him and was going to ask to meet him at Brocato's.

The phone rang several times and I thought he wasn't going to answer when he picked up. He sounded incoherent on the phone and I wondered for a moment if there was actually a problem and that's why he'd been fired. Then I realized he was crying, great racking sobs. I couldn't make out anything he said. I asked if there were someone else who I could talk to. There were some shuffling sounds and a woman's voice came on the phone.

"This is Sylvia. I'm a nurse at Tampa General. Who am I speaking with?"

I told her I was a friend and fellow employee at the firm he worked at. She must have asked Tony a question and gotten a response because the next thing she told me was that his mother had just died.

I answered the phone out of habit. I looked at it and through the tears saw it was Christina but couldn't hold back the sobs long enough to say anything coherent.

When I motioned the nurse took the phone from me and talked to her. She put her hand over the phone and asked if it was ok to tell her. I nodded. She spoke into the phone again and handed it to me. All I heard was Christina saying not to go anywhere, that she would be right there. I didn't even have time to tell her not to come. I wondered why she was coming when she'd told me to stay away. Apparently it didn't apply to her.

I admitted to myself that I was glad she was coming. It was just not the best time. She didn't need to see me crying like a baby. She would probably want to comfort me like the child I was being but I didn't want another mother. I wanted mine back. I knew I was being unreasonable but I didn't care.

They wouldn't even let me in to kiss my mother goodbye! I tried to force my way in but the nurse had called a security guard. He just stood in the doorway apologizing to me. I finally gave up and sat down on the chair the nurse guided me to or I would have ended up on the floor.

I don't know how long I sat there sobbing quietly, angry that they wouldn't let me see her, angrier when a hospital administrator came to me and told me her body couldn't be released for two weeks as a safety precaution. I was ready to tear him a new one when I saw the look on his face. He was sad and scared at the same time. I realized that he wasn't any happier with the situation than I was. While I knew this virus was causing major problems in the marketplace and China I had little idea how worried the staff at the hospital were. Yes, they'd made me wear a gown and gloves and mask but I thought at the time it was to protect mom, not me!

The administrator asked me how I felt. I looked at him like he was some sort of idiot. How did he think I felt? My mom just died! Then it hit me, he was concerned that I might have the virus. I wondered why he was wearing a mask and gloves. I had just thought it was so we could see my mother, not to see me.

Deciding, there wasn't much else I could do here I went to leave, almost forgetting completely that Christina had called and said she was coming. As if she knew I was thinking about her my phone rang.

I was lucky I wasn't pulled over for speeding. I had never heard a man cry like that. I had never cried like that. Not even when my sister and her husband died. So to hear the anguish in his cries unsettled me to the core. I wanted to do whatever it took to stop those cries.

I shook my head. This guy had some kind of hold on me. I realized I'd been fooling myself that I could stay away from Tony and I regretted every minute I had wasted by chasing him away. I only hoped he still felt something for me.

I parked and rushed into the hospital and then realized I had no idea where to find Tony. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and called him. This time he answered and said my name. I was relieved that he was able to speak.

I asked where he was so I could come to him. He told me not to bother. I stopped and told him if he preferred not to see me I understood. He said I hadn't let him finish. He was trying to say not to bother coming to him because he was coming to me. I was lucky he couldn't see my face because I'm sure it was bright red from embarrassment.

Then I heard his voice behind me saying I could hang up now. I turned to find him right behind me, his face red and tear-stained. I wanted to kiss away the tears and felt myself go even redder if that was possible!

I raised my arms to hug him, thought better of it and just stood there awkwardly. I was trying to resist the urge to say something stupid but failing miserably. I mean, I drive here like a maniac and all I can say is, "how are you?"

Luckily for me Tony didn't care. He just grabbed me me and hugged me and buried his head in my hair. I come here to comfort him and instead he's comforting me! I don't care either as I try to squeeze him in two.

Finally he reaches behind himself and gently pulls my arms away and looks me in the eyes and a smile comes to his face. I am so glad to see that smile even though I know he is hurting, he smiled. My heart danced until I remembered why I was here.