My PC dinged indicating I had another email. It had been doing that all day so I ignored it. I'd wait as there were sure to be more. Several dings later I opened up my email and Christina's immediately caught my eye.

With disappointment I read her explanation for cancelling our proposed date. At least it was believable. I wanted to believe it. I wanted it not to be what it appeared to be, a brushoff. I thought I had felt her return my passion in our kiss but maybe I was wrong, maybe I just hoped she was.

I prepared to go home and forget about Christina. Maybe it had been too much, too soon. I know I had a bad habit of overdoing and over thinking things. Maybe I mistook gratitude for something more. Maybe there was no glass slipper or Cinderella, just a grateful woman shown some common decency where it was seriously lacking.

I was doing my best to rationalize things but I had it bad. Why, of all the women I had met down here was she the one that caught my interest? What did I really expect? That she would fall at my feet simply because I got her tires replaced?

Thinking about her tires I looked about the empty parking lot and didn't see her car. How was she going to get home? Surely she wasn't going to ride a bus! This may not be a bad part of town but a single woman at night anywhere was asking for trouble.

That did it. I was going to stay and make sure she got home safely, whether she wanted me to or not. I had a suspicion she wouldn't. Besides there wasn't anyone left to talk except the security guard. I decided to order pizza. It would give me an excuse to find her office. Somebody had to help me finish off the pizza. And if she didn't? Well, I'm sure the security guard would.

Forty-five minutes later the guard called and said the pizza was here. I hurried down to pay for it and let the guard grab a couple of slices. I noticed there were camera views of the parking lot. I didn't recall seeing them before and said so.

"Yeah, they were installed today, rush order. Some bigwig made a stink about some vandalism and insisted. Just more work for me."

I resisted the urge to say something about that's what he got paid for. I realized he was just doing what any of us did when our workload increased.

"Well, I think it's a good thing, especially at night like this. It gets dark early in the winter and I'm sure the women in the building will appreciate it."

With that remark I left to see if I could find Christina's office.

I smelled pizza and it reminded me that I hadn't eaten all day. I wondered who had hung around this late. Usually everyone was out of here as quickly as they could justify leaving. I wasn't sure I wanted to even know. I considered calling for a pizza of my own when there was a knock on my open door and the luscious smell of pizza wafted in.

"You're a hard woman to find, Christina. I thought the pizza would get cold before I found your office."

Tony stared around my tiny cubicle. There was no window and the door didn't even have my name on it. I strongly suspected it had been a supply closet but had resisted the urge to say anything. It was only for a couple of years until Jessica went away to college and I could move back to San Francisco. It really didn't matter to me. Most of my work was done online. I would have telecommuted if I could and I'm sure Dan would have preferred it. However, it was felt that analysts needed to be in house in case some particular investment opportunity needed to be explained in more detail.

A few of our clients sometimes needed more convincing than a graph or figures on a sheet of paper. it happens I was very good at explaining things. If I'd had any sales ability I could have had job like Tony's. I also suspected a few of the investment counselors had lost clients because they didn't want to deal with the 'tranny' even though I passed with no difficulty.

I knew Tony wouldn't have that problem considering he'd asked me to come along to his client meeting last night. If word got out to his clients however, that I was more to him than a staff analyst they might have a problem. I was just surprised that Dan hadn't said anything to anyone including myself about this morning. His wife must have him on a pretty short leash. My thoughts were interrupted by a slice of pizza waving under my nose.

"A pizza for your thoughts."

I couldn't help but giggle at Tony's lame attempt at a joke. Grabbing his hand and the slice I took a bite before he could snatch it away. My resolve to force Tony out of my life was being severely tested. Every moment I spent in his presence made it that much harder. I wished I could just share a pizza and enjoy his company. There was no-one to talk, no-one to spread tales but it didn't make any difference. If I didn't end this now it would become harder and harder. I steeled myself to look him in the eye. He'd never believe me otherwise.

"I'm sorry Tony but this has to end. There's no future in it and we both know it. We can put it down to me getting carried away by your kindness. People will understand that. They won't blame you, they'd much rather blame me anyway.

Right now you're an ace salesman, an asset but if you get involved with me the rumors and stories will start. Your clients will hear whispers and suddenly they will find excuses to change counselors. Oh, they won't say it's because of me. They'll find some other reason, something that won't make them look like the bigots they are. You know it, I know it."

I couldn't help it, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I turned away and told him to please leave.

I didn't know what to do. A moment before she was giggling at my joke and then she was telling me to leave like it was midnight and her Cinderella moment was over. Part of me wanted to be the hero she needed but there was no glass slipper lying about.

The logical part of me was afraid what she said was right. I'm ashamed to say, but that part won out. I carefully put the pizza slice back in the box, put it down on her desk and walked out, hoping she would say something, anything to make me stop. There was only silence and a muffled sob I'm sure she didn't intend for me to hear.

I was angry, angry at myself and angry at her. She wouldn't even give me a chance. Maybe she was right, maybe my career would suffer, maybe I'd become the 'tranny lover' like she feared but wasn't that my decision?

She never said a word about whether she even liked me, she just shut me down. I turned to give her a piece of my mind but she had shut her door. I didn't want to make a bigger fool of myself by pounding on a door I'm sure was locked. All the way down the hall I kept telling myself to go back, that I could somehow make things right when I didn't even know what right was.

Why was I even bothered by this? I'd been rejected before. I'd heard the 'it's not you, it's me' reason for breaking up. I'd even used it myself, but up to now just thought of it as an excuse. This time I knew it was true, sort of. It wasn't Christina, it was the world around her, around us, and I was too weak to fight it.

I decided it was time to leave. The guard thanked me again for the pizza as I passed him and went to my car. I was about to drive home when I thought about her leaving and trying to catch a bus. I pulled around the block and parked across the street where I could see the entrance but she wouldn't notice me. I didn't know how long I'd have to wait but however long I would make sure she got home safely.

I was nodding off when I saw the car pull up and she ran out and got in. She must have called a ride service. I started up my car and made the lonely drive home.

The opening of the exchanges took my mind off Tony for the moment as I watched the indexes dive. I was glad our firm avoided investments on those exchanges. While the chance for great profits existed, the volatility did not make them good investments for the clients Lukes Investment normally handled.

I prepared an updated analysis and sent it out company-wide. They would be up early in the west coast office. At least I could get some sleep. I called a ride service. It would cost a bit but better than trying to catch a bus at this hour.

I noted Tony's car was gone from the parking lot. I guess he got the message. It still hurt and I knew I needed to find a local therapist and soon. Even Jessica in the days that followed had commented on my moodiness and for a self-absorbed teenager to notice it must be pretty bad.

It didn't get better in the weeks that followed. I'd found a therapist and she was good. She quickly zeroed in on my problem, I had gotten a taste of there being something beyond simply correcting my physical gender. She called it seeking validation, I called it Tony.

I had found myself venturing out of my office, hoping to catch a glimpse of him or even run into him. It was as if he had a sixth sense and managed to become invisible to me until one day I actually overheard a piece of gossip. My pariah status meant that I was totally outside of the loop when it came to office gossip. I only had official memos to go by and thus hadn't heard that he'd just taken a leave of absence.

I have to admit I'm vain enough to think it was because of me. I guess I hoped in a way that I'd had that great an effect on him that he had to get away even though I was supposedly concerned about his welfare when I had told him to do just that. Of course then I thought he left because he knew he'd made a big mistake by being seen with me. I called my therapist because finding this out was seriously screwing with my head.

My therapist quickly disabused me of the thought that Tony left because of me.

"There's a lot of reasons this man might have left and none of them are probably to do with you."

Chastised, we moved on to why I would even think such a thing. While we had talked about Tony most of our first few appointments had been spent getting acquainted as she fleshed out the notes she had received from my doctor in San Francisco. I wanted to make a good impression as it would require two therapists to sign off on my gender affirming surgery. My obsession with Tony was raising flags with her, calling into question my reason for transitioning.

Therapists were trained to look for individuals who wanted to transition because they couldn't admit to themselves that they were really just homosexuals. It was individuals like them that made it more difficult for those of us whose gender didn't match their body. I cursed myself for letting my sexual attraction get in the way of my transitioning. It seems Tony was a greater danger to my future than I thought I would be for his!