Given the sheer number of Police and Fire Service Vehicles in the street outside my home, there really was nothing for it but to pack a bag and leave my home. I could see that there was even a TV Crew interviewing a couple of residents. The Christmas period is always a bit of a slow news time and anything with a human interest would naturally be news even if it was just some padding to fill the time slot.

The downside of having to decamp from home was that I knew that all the local Hotels and Motels would be charging two arms and a leg for rooms at this time of year if they had any space at all. Then there was the fact that I had very little money on me and my bank account was rapidly approaching zero even though I’d been paid just a few days before Christmas. With a new tyre for the car as well, it looked more like I would be spending the night in it . With almost every second, the thought of declaring myself bankrupt seemed more and more appealing.

I packed a bag for two nights just in case and left my flat hoping that I had not forgotten anything essential.

I was just about to close up the back of my car when my phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number. I almost didn’t answer it but for some reason, I did.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hello Poppy.”

“You did? Yes, I’m having to leave so that the repairs can begin. Thankfully, my children didn’t appear otherwise there would be hell to pay with their mother and the gas leak would become all my fault.”

“Honestly Poppy, I really don’t want to be any trouble. You have your family and aren’t you supposed to be working? Besides, haven’t you done enough for me already this Holiday?”

“Oh! He did?”

I thought for a few seconds. The offer of a bed for the night was looking a lot more attractive by the second. The fact that her father had insisted that I come to them made me feel a little less guilty. I guess that I was not used to people helping me. Usually they’d be kicking sand into my eyes once they found out about my ‘dirty little secret’ as my ex-wife would say at every opportunity.

“Ok Poppy. Thanks very much and I accept your very kind offer. I’ll be with you in about forty minutes.”

Then I added,
“Please pass on my thanks to your parents.”

I ended the call thinking that there were some decent people in the world after all. Poppy’s Father had heard a report about the Gas Leak on the local Radio News. I owed him another favour.

---

It was closer to an hour before I arrived at Poppy’s. I was later than I’d said because I wanted to find some flowers to give to Poppy. It was the least I could do but there I couldn’t find any that had not seen better days. In the end, I settled for a box of chocolates that had been marked down by 50% now that Christmas Day had passed.

Poppy came bounding out of the house as I pulled up.

“I’m so glad you came.”

“Thanks for the offer Poppy. It is most generous.”

“Think nothing of it. It is nice to have some company around here.”

As sometimes happens, my mouth got into gear several seconds before my brain.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend? You are if you don’t mind me saying so, very good looking.”

“Sorry! That sort of came out.”

Poppy looked at me and laughed.

“That’s what I like about you. You are so down to earth.”

I chuckled.
“That’s because I’ve been trodden into it so many times over these past three years that I always seem to be covered in mud.”

That really creased Poppy up.

“Come on let’s get inside. The ‘oldies’ are waiting up for you to arrive.”

Her use of the term ‘oldie’ when referring to her parents took me back for a second or so. Then I realised that it was a term of endearment.

We went inside the house. It felt a lot warmer than the last time.

“Welcome back,” said David as he emerged from the kitchen.

“I don’t like imposing on you like this.”

“But you had no choice but to leave your home…” he said almost finishing my sentence.

“It either was the Church Hall or spend the night in my car… Until I Poppy phoned me. Thanks for letting me stay the night.”

“No thanks needed. You made quite an impression on my Daughter. I hasten to add that it is a good one so you are welcome to visit us at any time.”

“Thanks, but I don’t like to impose on you and your wife.”

Dave laughed.

“That’s exactly what Poppy said that you would say.”

Poppy came bounding down the stairs.
“I’ve put your bag on your bed. Time for a drink?”

“If it isn’t too much trouble, then I’d like a Beer. It has been quite a day.”

“Oh yes, how was your visit with your Children?” asked Poppy.

I nearly blurted out a few choice words but I managed to resist the urge.

“There was no visit. They didn’t turn up. I found out later that they are out of the country. That is a clear breach of our parenting agreement but there is nothing I can do to stop her. She’s the lawyer and I’m just about broke. Once I get a new tyre for the car, I’ll have about fifty quid to last me until the end of January.”

Suddenly I felt rather ashamed for blurting out that tale of woe.

“Sorry, I should not burden you with my troubles.”

Poppy smiled and finished pouring me a Beer. It was my favourite, ‘Ringwood Best Bitter’. I wondered if she could indeed read my mind.

“Perhaps this will cheer you up,” she said handing me the glass.

“Thanks.”
I took a large sip and immediately felt a lot better.

I was about to say something when David said,
“I have been doing some thinking since you were last here. I don’t like what has been happening to the company that I created. Your former wife is set to become a partner in the new year. She’ll replace me on the Management Committee.”

I nearly choked on the excellent beer when I heard that.

“And she has the temerity to ask me for more money?”
“I’m sorry to say it that there are times I wish that she was dead and out of my life once and for all.”

“Don’t speak like that,” said Poppy.

“Sorry Poppy. It is just how I feel. She and her Lawyer friends did a number on me in the court. She was the one having an affair with Duncan and I’m made out to be the devil incarnate because I dressed up as a woman. Where’s the justice for that eh? Now, I’m paying for it every month. Now she’s talking about sending the boys to Boarding School and I’m supposed to pay for it. Declaring myself Bankrupt seems more attractive every day.”

I took a swig of the beer and stood up.

“I’m sorry burdening myself with my tale of woe and for not being better company. I’ll leave first thing in the morning. Hopefully all the repairs will be done and thanks again for coming to my rescue... again.”

“I’ll bid you both goodnight.”

---

I sat on the edge of my bed for a while regretting almost every word I’d said downstairs. I’d really put my foot in it and these good people didn’t need to be involved in my troubles. I was bad news and I really didn’t want to mess up their lives like mine had been these past few years.

I got undressed and slipped into bed. Somehow, I managed to put all the self-pity that I was feeling to one side and fell asleep.

I didn’t realise that someone had joined me in bed until I turned over and there was a warm body in my way.

“Shh,” came a voice from the darkness.

It was Poppy. She was naked and soft and so lovely to touch.

I sat up with a start. What was I doing?

Poppy sat up and hugged me.
“I thought that you could use a friend tonight. Just lie down and relax. Try to put all those bad thoughts about today out of your mind.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Why? Don’t be sorry. You need someone to talk to. I do this all the time at the Hospital.”

I tried but couldn’t suppress a small laugh. She joined in.

“Obviously not like this but providing an ear for people to talk to. I don’t judge people. They come into hospital because they need help. Most of the time, we can heal the body but we don’t have the time to heal the mind. Here I do. So just relax and lie back and think good thoughts. Then you will sleep properly.”

Poppy put some pressure on my side. I let her gently push me back down onto the bed. She pulled the duvet over us and wrapped her arm around me. It had been a long time since I’d had a beautiful woman lying next to me in a warm bed.

Her gentle caresses felt nice. I relaxed and cuddled up to her. She smelt so nice.

---

The next thing I knew, my phone’s alarm was going off. It was eight in the morning already. Poppy was sleeping next to me with a smile on her face. I gently eased myself out of bed. I had promised to ‘get out of town’ early and I fully intended to do just that.

A few minutes later, I crept down the stairs only to be waylaid by David.

“Don’t even think of leaving without a cuppa inside you. It is perishing out there.”

“Sorry David. I have to go. I can’t risk someone telling my dear ex-wife that I have spent two nights here. Then you have your position to consider. Thanks for the offer but I’ll have to say no thanks to the tea.”

David sighed.

“You know that you are always welcome here. I admire you but you are so stubborn.”

“David, as I said last night, I am nothing but trouble. The sooner you forget that I was ever here the better for everyone concerned.”

David shook his head.
“Remember John, if you need legal representation then you know where I am.”

“I’m flat broke remember. I could never afford to hire even a lawyer who is freshly qualified let alone someone like yourself. Thanks for the offer but making myself bankrupt is the only way to get her off my back. Yes, it will wipe out my already crap credit score. That is only the tip of the problem. She’ll take the opportunity to deny me access to my children and I won’t be able to mount a defence.”

Then after a sigh, I said.

“At least I’ll be free from paying her demands every month. Perhaps in time, I can start again but at the moment, I’m just too toxic for anyone to be seen to be associating with me.”

I didn’t wait for Dave to try to persuade me to stay. I opened the front door and walked out. My stomach was churning. I wanted to stay so much. Lying next to Poppy in bed was so nice. It had been so long since I had done that. Even though we had not done anything but cuddle, it was perfect. The realist part of me was telling me that the farther I was away from this place the better I’d be. They were a nice family and the last thing I wanted to do was drag them down the drain with me.

I drove back to Reading hoping that the Gas Leak had been fixed and that I could at least get into my home and shut the world out.

Luckily for me, the last of the Gas people were packing up as I arrived. I managed to nab a parking space less than 50m from my front door which is unheard of for most of the year. Small mercies are important to me at times like this.

I shut the door behind me and breathed a sigh of relief. Sanctuary at last. My home from home. At least she couldn’t take this away from me.

Then I shuddered as I thought… perhaps she could get me evicted. I really didn’t want to think about it anymore. There seemed to be no light at the end of the particular sewer that I was drowning in.

---

The next morning, I was greeted by rain lashing against my bedroom window. I sank back into my bed and found the lump in the mattress. That was another thing that needed to be replaced when and if I ever got my head above water financially. I put my arm out and switched on the bedside light. A cobweb fluttered in a draught. I realised that I hadn’t dusted in my bedroom for a while. Draughts were a problem everywhere in my home. As soon as I plugged one, another one seemed to appear. My windows had been ‘Duck Taped’ closed in October. That served two purposes. Firstly, it cut down the draughts and secondly, it stopped them from rattling in the wind.

This place is a dump but it was my dump and about all I could afford. My finances generally allowed me to heat just one room so my bedroom was left cold. That is what I get for wanting to be myself from time to time.

I busied myself with lesson plans for the forthcoming term for what remained of the morning. Then I went out for a brief walk as the rain had stopped and the wind from earlier had died down.

There were plenty of people out and about and the sun made a very brief appearance so I headed for the shops.

The supermarket was buzzing. It was almost as if they hadn’t been open for a month rather than one or two days. I only bought some fresh bread and a litre of milk. Oven fresh bread was a particular weakness of mine. Still warm from the oven and smothered in butter. Yummy. Yes, it was not the cheapest bread in the shop but after the few days I’d had, I decided… to hell with the expense and bought it.

I laughed. Natalie never did share my taste for it. I suppose that was why I liked it so much.

I left the supermarket and walked quite rapidly home after all, I didn’t want the bread to get cold now did I?

---

The rest of the holiday season passed without incident. I knew that my dear ex-wife would not be back from her trip with my children until the 2nd so there was little I could do apart from compose a letter informing her that she was in breach of our custody agreement and that I would be petitioning the court for full custody and that she as a law professional should know better than to break a court sanctioned agreement. I deliberately didn’t use the term ‘contempt of court’. I picked that bit of advice up from that fountain of all knowledge, the internet.

I went into the School and printed it out. The place was deathly quiet. Only the cleaners were working. They’d even turned the heating off so I didn’t stay long. I put the letter into an envelope and went home via their house where I delivered the letter. This way, she could not say that it had gotten lost in the post. I even took a selfie of me putting it in their letterbox. She’d gotten me that paranoid.

I spent much of the remainder of the holidays preparing lessons for the forthcoming term. Two of my pupils were really hot on Maths and I’d made a presentation to their parents towards the end of the last term about getting them some extra tuition so that they could take their GCSE Maths exam a year early. They’d said that they would think about it over the holiday. If they agreed then it would be a feather in my cap at the school as well as some very welcome extra income.

All that work made me forget about my children for a while but seeing their pile of unopened presents on the floor next to my TV made me sad.

I could just about afford the £680 fee for the bankruptcy application. That would wipe out almost all of my meagre savings and mean that I could well not be able to afford the insurance on my car. That would mean taking the bus to work or rather two busses and almost an hour in time. It would also cost quite a bit over the course of a term but couldn’t really be avoided. I was determined to get her off my back once and for all.

I’d spent literally hours looking at the process and how it would affect me. Thankfully, my bank account was a basic one that didn’t offer overdrafts which are not allowed when you are an ‘undischarged bankrupt’.

It all came down to if the Insolvency Service Adjudicator deemed that the demands from my wife were grounds to grant the order for me and thus free myself from her grasp once and for all. The fact that I didn’t yet owe anyone any money would also count against me but I wanted all my ducks lined up for when the court order for me to pay her more was given.

---

I expected to hear from her almost the instant she arrived home on the 2nd but it all remained quiet. I started to believe that no news was good news.

That hope came crashing down when I was ‘served’ while in the staff room at school on the third day back.

Not only did this embarrass me in front of my colleagues but her new demands were totally out of order. Apparently, I was in breach of a court order banning me from coming within half a mile of their home and now she wanted to deny me all contact with the children due to unreasonable behaviour on my part.

As no such order had ever been served on me I could hardly be guilty of breaching it. But proving it was another issue entirely. Luckily for me, she’d included a copy of the order in with her letter.

After reading the writ many times, I went to the Head of the School and explained the situation after showing him the offending documents.

“I think it best for the school that I leave immediately. I don’t want to tarnish the school’s reputation by appearing in the local newspaper.”

The Head read the writ for the second time.

“This ex-wife of yours seems to be a nasty piece of work. If what you have told me today and in the past is correct and I have no reason to doubt it, then she really has it in for you. Did you have an affair or something?”

“Something. She caught me wearing women’s clothes.”

The Head laughed.

“As she saw it as a threat to her womanhood I suppose?”
“That sums it up perfectly. She’s making me pay over half of my take home pay to her in maintenance. Now she wants more which I can’t afford and to lose all contact with my children. It really would be better for me to leave then make myself bankrupt and face her in court. At least there aren’t debtors prisons these days,” I replied trying to make light of it.

The Head thought for several seconds.

“Don’t you have someone who can help you? It seems that she has all the aces, being a lawyer and all that.”

“It is worse. She’s a Barrister.”

“Why don’t we put you on a leave of absence while you sort all this out? We are short of good Maths Teachers as it is. I really don’t want to have to go through the whole term using Locum Teachers. That will blow our budget to smithereens.”

Then he added,

“Take a week and think about it but you need really proper legal advice.”

“Which I can’t afford to pay for.”

“Catch-22 then?”

“Exactly.”

---

At the end of the school day, I remained behind and did all my marking. The simple reason for this was that school was heated and my home wasn’t. You didn’t need a degree in Maths to understand the economics of the situation. That meant that it was almost eight that evening before I arrived home.

Amongst the post-Christmas bills waiting for me was a letter that had been hand delivered. It didn’t have my name on the front so I assumed that it was more bad news from my wife. She’d served me with the divorce papers in exactly an envelope like that. I put it along with the rest of the mail on the table that I used to work on and started to prepare myself something to eat. Nothing special but Spaghetti Bolognese without the mince. I did have some parmesan left over from before Christmas so the dish got a liberal grating of that.

I’d just finished doing the dishes when my phone rang. I didn’t recognise the number so I dithered before answering it.

“Hello?”

I relaxed when I heard the voice on the other end.

“Oh, hello David. This is an unexpected pleasure.”

“Yes, I did see it. I haven’t opened it yet. I just assumed that it was more bad news from my wife.”

“Yes, she did. I was served with a writ today at School. She says that I broke a court order by delivering a letter to her house in person and that I also engaged in unreasonable behaviour. As I have not spoken to her since the twelfth of December and as far as I know, I was never served with a court order banning me from the property where she lives then I can’t really be said to have broken it now can I?”

Then I realised that I was ranting.

“Sorry David, she really gets up my back at times. Now, what is in this letter?”

As I listened to him my interest in what he was saying picked up no end.

“Are you saying that this is all in the case file?”

“To quote a TV Show, ‘I can’t believe it’. She was planning this from when?”

“Shit!” I exclaimed when I heard the dates told to me.

“Sorry Dave but you just told me that she was having an affair with him since before we came to Reading… I knew about the affair from about a year before we split up but so far back? I really do find that hard to believe.”

“Yes, I really would like to see this for myself.”

Then a thought crossed my mind.

“You did obtain this information legally I hope? I don’t want a charge of theft coming my way.”

As he told me what he’d done, I had to smile. It was just legal but totally inadmissible in court more’s the pity.

“Thanks Dave. That has brightened up my day no end.”

“Yes, I can. My last class finishes at two-thirty. I can be with you around three if that is good for you?”

“Then I’d see you tomorrow.”

“Oh. Yes, I do. I can bring everything with me if you like?”

“I have all the Bankruptcy forms filled out but I have not done anything about them yet.”

“Ok, see you tomorrow.”

I hung up the phone and wondered what mess I was getting into now. I knew about looking gift horses and all that but my cynical view of the world is that no one does anything out of the goodness of their heart in this day and age. I used to think otherwise and always think the best of people but my divorce caused so many people to want to shit all over me I had to start to think differently and not rely on others to help me. The few that had said that they would help me only did it in the hope of getting some mullah in return. As I had nothing to give they all disappeared at the speed of light.

I opened the hand delivered envelope and scanned the contents. There was nothing really astounding in the contents. David had mentioned most of them in the phone call but it was useful to have something down on paper.

---

The next day at school, I managed to put all my personal troubles to the back of my mind and show my customary enthusiasm for teaching Maths to several groups of teenagers who in the main would rather be anywhere but in school. Trying to drum into them the uses of quadratic equations was almost a lost cause but a few of them had understood so my efforts for the day could almost be considered a success.

I gathered my things up at the end of the day and was about to leave when Eric Rutherford, the Head of School dropped by.

“I’m glad I caught you. Have you given any thought about what you want to do regarding a leave of absence?”

“Sorry Eric, I don’t have an answer for you yet. I’m going to meet someone who might be able to help me resolve things once and for all. I do know one thing and that it I can’t carry on just about surviving on my salary with nothing but more of the same for the foreseeable future. That good enough for you?”

“That’s good enough for me John. You know that I’m always ready to listen if you need someone to rant at.”

“I know Eric and thanks.”

---

I arrived at Poppy’s home just before three. Her car wasn’t there which wasn’t that unexpected. I stopped and mentally slapped myself around the face. I wasn’t here to fantasise about Poppy. I couldn’t go there for obvious reasons. I was here to try to get my ex-wife off my back once and for all.

David came out of the house to greet me.

“Hello John, I’m glad you came.”

“Thanks for the offer even though I am a bit mystified by some of what you said on the phone.”

He laughed.

“Too much lawyer speak I suppose. Come on in, I have a pot of coffee on the go.”

We went into the house. It was silent.

“Is Miranda not here?”

“Today is her day for volunteering at the Hospice. She’ll be back in time for Dinner.”

David poured us both a mug of coffee and we went into his study and sat down.

“I took it upon myself to have a good look into your case and I am sad to say that my former colleagues really did a number on you. At the time of your divorce, I was working in London on a big fraud case but if I had known what they were doing, I would have put a stop to it. For that, I am sorry. I want to make amends if you will let me?”

“That’s why I am here David. Where do we start.”

“As I told you on the phone, I went into the office before the end of the year and looked at your file from her side. It tallied very much with what you told us at Christmas.”

I made a move to see the folder.

“Please don’t. What you have not seen, you cannot tell on.”

“Oh, you mean the Police?”

He nodded.

“This copy is theoretically illegal. I did obtain it while legally part of the business but… Then it becomes a bit of a grey area.”

After a smile he carried on.

“There are notes in here that if they were seen by the right people at the Law Society, disciplinary action would be certain. They also could be used in a criminal case against them. It might come to that but at the moment they should remain confidential.”

“They had it in for me from the start?”

“Sorry John, it is worse than that. They even had a Private Eye follow you for a month. It turned up nothing but it showed intent. As I said, Natalie was having an affair with Duncan from way back. I mean from about six months after you were married and living in Croydon. They met while on separate cases at the Old Bailey. The affair was the reason she got the job offer in Reading.”

He let that sink in for a while.

“I feel such a fool.”

“Everyone was fooled. I phoned a couple of paralegals who used to work for us. As they no longer do, they are not bound by any company confidentially. I asked them about your wife and Duncan. Both of them laughed and said ‘not possible’. Yet, the sheer number of phone calls between them made that a very possible thing. As former head of the law firm, I had access to all sorts of things such as phone bills. The records don’t lie especially when there are hour long calls at two in the morning… I took copies of these before the end of the year so there is no doubt about their legality.”

“Ok, keep rubbing my nose in it.”

“John, they rubbed everyone’s nose in it equally, mine included. They lied to my face on many occasions.”

David closed the file that was open on his desk.

“Why don’t you tell me about the event that caused your wife to find you as Joanne?”

“It all started when Natalie took her children to visit her parents. I couldn’t go as it was in the middle of the Mock Exams and we were providing extra tuition in the evenings and weekends. I never got on with them so it was no real wrench for me to decline to go with her.”

“If you were that busy then how come Joanne came into the picture?”

I sighed.

“On the Saturday, my last two afternoon tutorials were cancelled because of illness so I decided to become Joanne and go up to London and visit a TG Club.”

“And she caught you?”

“No, she didn’t. Someone took a photo and posted it on the club’s Facebook Page.”

“And that post just happened to fall into her lap?”

“Yes. Then she basically threw me out on the street. Two days later, she served me with divorce papers.”

“You were trapped. Did you ever check to see if she actually went to visit her parents?”

“I know that she did. I called her on the Saturday Morning. I used her parents landline so I know that she was there then.”

David opened the file and extracted a photo.

“Is this the picture?”

I looked at it. There I was for all to see.

“That’s me I’m afraid.”
“From the details here, it seems that the photographer was an associate of the Private Eye that they used to snoop on you. Your exposure was no accident. For your wife to have a proper print of the image and not something downloaded from Facebook is downright suspicious. Circumstantial but bordering on real proof that she was in on the whole thing. They were just waiting for the chance to nail you.”

“So, my goose is well and truly cooked?”

“No, it isn’t even plucked yet. I do have a plan…”

We spent the next two hours discussing the options I had and possible ways forward. Each and every one of them came back to the writ that had been served on me at school.

“She says that you were served with the order banning you from her place of residence on the tenth of December. She alleges that is was served to you at your home at seven that evening.”

“I wasn’t there. The 10th was the Carol Concert at School. I didn’t get home until almost midnight. What’s more, I have several hundred witnesses to that fact. I was master of ceremonies for the evening as the Head was singing in the choir. Two of the Bass singers were off with colds so he took their place.”

“That is excellent news. You can’t have been served so you can’t be held liable for breaking it.”

He looked at the photo again before putting it down.

“To corroborate that story, we will have locate the person who is supposed to have served you. We used a company from Slough for writ service. I’ll make a call tomorrow and try to get to the bottom of it. I really don’t know why she went and got one in the first place. As they were out of the country, they can’t know that it was you who delivered the letter. There must be something more to it. I’ll have to do some more digging at my former law firm.”

“Thanks David. I have a lot of things to think about.”

“Are you going to stay for dinner? I hear noises coming from the kitchen.”

“I think I’d better get off home. If that private eye is hanging around I don’t want to give him anything out of the ordinary to report on now do I eh?”

“As you wish. Poppy will be sad to have missed you.”

“Tell her that I said hello and… I still owe her one for rescuing me from by the side of the road.”

“I will. Drive safely.”

“Thanks Dave.”

---

Back at home, I made myself something to eat. Leftover Christmas Pudding and some supermarket custard. Quite filling if I may say so myself and cheap. The pudding was half price and the use by date was the end of the year.

Once I’d cleared the dishes away, I sat down and went through the options that Dave and I had discussed. Two of them were just laughable. Two more involved my bankruptcy. Dave had explained the implications to me far better than any advice site on the internet. I relegated those to options of last resort. That left two other choices.

It didn’t take a genius to realise that there were two clear options. The choice would be easy to make once David had found out who had been served in my place.

It was with a clear conscience that I went to bed. Even the sound of rain lashing against the window could not dampen my spirits.

---

Life at School carried on and even one or two pupils showed some aptitude towards elementary matrix algebra so my spirits were still relatively good when on the Friday, David called me with an update at lunchtime.

“Hello David. Any update on the person who got served?”

“Oh? Well, I have two more lessons today and I’m taking the afterschool club so, I could be with you by six thirty if that is ok with you?”

“Good. I’ll see you then.”

---

At a little before the appointed time, I arrived at David’s. I’d hardly stopped when Poppy opened the front door. She was a sight for sore eyes but I had to think of the longer term at the moment.

“Nice to see you again John. Come on in. Daddy is expecting you.”

“Thanks Poppy. It is nice to see you again.”

I nearly added another comment but I wasn’t here to chat her up as much as I’d like too, there was a lot of other things that needed resolving before I could concentrate on other matters.

There was a slightly awkward moment between us as if both of us wanted to say something but couldn’t.

Then she said,
“Go on through Daddy is waiting for you in his Study.”

“Thanks Poppy.”

I tried to put any thoughts of her out of my mind as I walked into David’s study. He was standing at the side on his quite imposing desk with a smile on his face.

“I’m so glad you could make it tonight. I have some people I want you to meet. They are waiting for us in the dining room.”

---

He ushered me towards the double doors that were in my right as I’d entered his office. As I walked into the room, three people were waiting for us.

“John, I’d like you to meet Detective Chief Inspector Anthony Taylor on Thames Valley Police, Thomas Wilson from the Law Society and Constance Abrahams from HMRC.”

I froze on the spot trying to think what I’d done wrong. David noticed this.

“Don’t worry John, they are on your side.”

I tried to relax but it was obvious to all around that I was very nervous.

“Please take a seat. DCI Taylor, if could tell John just what you told me yesterday?”

“Certainly.”

I sat down still very unsure of what was happening.

“David called me when he found clear evidence of illegal activity at his former law firm. I reviewed the evidence and called in Constance and Thomas. There is clear evidence of Tax Evasion and as they are lawyers, the Law Society needed to be informed.”

Over the course of the next half hour I listened to a tale that seemed so incredible that I was expecting Sherlock Holmes to appear and volunteer to take the case.

As the end, I sat motionless. I needed to take this in. Thankfully, David came to my rescue.

“I think that John needs some time to digest what he has just been told. My wife has prepared dinner for us all. Why don’t we adjourn, get something to eat and then I am sure that John will have a good number of questions for us all?”

There was general agreement about giving me some time to think.

“Good,” Said David.
“May I suggest that there is no shop talk over dinner. That way John can try to put at least some of what he has heard into context.”

---

It was almost an hour before we were ready to carry on. My mind was still operating at what seemed a million miles an hour but I had a few questions that might seem inconsequential in the grand scheme of things but they were important to me.

“Let me get this straight. I was never married to Natalie because she was already married?”

“That is correct,” replied the DCI.
“She married Franco Rossi in Sienna when she was eighteen. She was over there visiting relatives on holiday and one whirlwind romance later, she was married.”

“This Franco seemed to be a bit of a criminal even at that age?”

“Indeed. He was responsible for theft of a number of high value cars all over Tuscany. On one of these operations, Natalie or to give her, her given name Rosa went along and she was hooked.”

“But she’s a Lawyer?”

“Oh, that part of her biography is totally correct. She’d been born here and wanted to be a Lawyer so Franco joined her in London. She went to Law School and Franco carried on his car theft business. For a while, they lived almost next to a Police Station and no one noticed the string of high value cars entering or leaving their place. It was only when the area around the Station began to be covered by CCTV that he moved his operation to Enfield.”

“So, she changed her name to Natalie, graduated from Law School and joins a law firm in West London. There, you say that she fed details of their clients to Franco who moved into Burglary in a big way. When a client’s house was sold, his team moved in and cleared the house posing as a removal company. Very bold and right under the noses of everyone. She was very careful in that they only did one or two a year and half of those were the homes of people who were buying from their clients so finding a link between the thefts was next to impossible.”

“Then we met and she moved down to Croydon where I was teaching. I guess this provided a new set of clients to be robbed?”

“That is correct but she was always on the lookout for her next conquest. That was Duncan.”

It was if I’d been kicked in the stomach. I was still confused about the next part of the story.

“Then she became a Barrister. Wouldn’t that would make it harder for her to see the details of house sales and the like?”

“Yes, but Franco had placed another relative inside another solicitors in Purley so the flow of information carried on. Their next targets were bigger fish and they were in no rush at all.”

“But… She became pregnant with David. We got married three weeks before he was born. Then I got the job here and… I wonder if she of Duncan was behind it? She didn’t have much trouble joining the company did she?”

“That marriage was illegal. She was and still is as far as we can find out married to Franco. David and Peter are genetically his by the way. Peter was a mistake. That’s why she got angry with you and blamed it all on PMT. That coupled with your refusal to take the job as Assistant Head of the school and therefore have no access to the school’s seven figure budget, said to her and Franco that it was time to move on. She’d been having this affair with Duncan Fraser but it was very low key. She moved it up a notch and together they planned how to get you out of the picture. You walked right into it. She threw you out and moved in with Duncan. If you had become Joanne when you did, they could well have bumped you off.”

“Are you with me so far?”

“I… I think so. It is very complicated but carry on.”

“Duncan was by now a partner in the firm and as such, he had access to the client escrow account which according to David could hold two or three million pounds at any one time. She really went for Duncan in the love stakes and got him totally under her thumb.”

“Yeah, I know that only too well. I was played for a total numpty then?”

The DCI smiled.
“You were played by an expert. The Fraud team that I head up has not seen a more expert manipulator than Natalie in a long, long time.”

“Where was Franco when all this was going on?”

“He was stealing cars and clearing houses. Five or six operations a year spread around the country. Even the Police ‘Holmes’ system didn’t pick it up until recently. Then he bought a property in Croatia. Which he recently sold to Duncan and Natalie. Talk about money laundering… Brilliant.”

“They have a home in Croatia?”

“They do and that’s where they are scheduled to be flying too tomorrow afternoon.”

“Why don’t you just arrest them right now?”

The DCI shook his head.
“We are planning to arrest Natalie, Duncan and Franco tomorrow morning. We have no idea where Franco is at the moment but we have a really reliable tip off that he’ll be at an address in Weybridge tomorrow supervising a house clearance. Then he’ll be flying to Croatia on the same flight as the other two. My guess is that she’ll dump Duncan in Croatia if we let them get that far that is...”

“But why arrest Duncan?”

“He and Natalie emptied the Client Escrow account at three thirty this afternoon. We had the bank monitor the account and I got a call about a transfer of the whole amount to an account held in Cyprus. I was notified an hour ago that the transfer had gone through but the money is being held in the SWIFT system pending the arrests. He conspired with her to steal the money. It takes two signatories to use the account. With her being my replacement… well, it became very easy indeed.”

I asked,
“Where do the HMRC come in? I can see clear evidence of bigamy, perjury and fraud.”

Ms Abrahams answered first.
“Natalie has other sources of income that she had not reported to us. She and Franco run several bank accounts that have been used to launder money. When she perjured herself in the divorce case against you, she used fake P.60 documents to show the court her income when in truth, it was much, much higher. We estimate that she owes at least thirty thousand in unpaid income tax plus penalties. Her perjury in the divorce case is just the tip of the iceberg.”

Then Tomas Wilson added,
“Natalie will be the subject of a hearing that will undoubtedly lead to her disbarment and a hefty fine. We don’t want the like of her in our profession. As for Duncan, he will probably never practice law again even if he escapes a prison term for the embezzlement.”

Then the DCI added,
“That writ she served you with was fake. We interviewed the judge who was supposed to have signed off on it and he confirmed that the signature was fake. She has been leading you along for the past two years. Then two days before Christmas, Duncan, Natalie and the children flew to Barbados. That’s why they never came to you as scheduled. While you were waiting for them, Natalie and Duncan were getting married on the Beach at Worthing. Not the one here but just along the south coast from Bridgetown.”

He pulled out a document and gave it to me.

“This is a certified copy of their wedding certificate.”

I read it with incredulity.

“Is this genuine?”

“It is and we have a diplomat from the Barbadian Consulate lined up to testify to that fact.”

I just shook my head.

“If my marriage was a sham then my divorce was as well. To me that means she is guilty of theft of all that money from me. Am I right there?”

“You are perfectly correct in that,” replied the DCI.

“Will I ever get any of it back?” I asked knowing that it was probably a forlorn hope.

The DCI looked at Ms Abrahams and nodded.

“Normally, the HMRC gets first dibs of any money recovered when tax evasion is involved but if you will help us tomorrow then we can arrange to overlook a sum that will more than compensate you for all that money you have clearly been struggling to pay her. That woman is about the most evil and vindictive woman I have ever come upon. The house will also be seized under the proceeds of crime legislation.”

I started to feel better but the words about helping her sank in. A pit of doom opened up in my mind.

“What do you want me to do?”

The DCI took over.

“As I said, we want to make the arrests tomorrow. We have a team lined up at Heathrow to collar Franco but because of the children, we want to arrest her and Duncan at their home as they are preparing to leave for the airport. Are you game?”

I took a deep breath. My mind was still clouded by the thought of all that money that could be coming my way.

“What do I really have to do?”

David laughed.

“Become Joanne and approach Natalie and call her bluff about being a pervert. You would wear a wire and she might just sound off in such a way as to open her up to a hate crime charge. It is an offense against Section 146 Criminal Justice Act 2003 (s.146 CJA 2003). Which states from memory, ‘where there is evidence of hostility based on sexual orientation or transgender identity’. It goes on to say that this hostility can be verbal in nature. We really need to get both of them out of the house as Duncan is the registered owner of two shotguns.”

“David is perfectly correct,” added the DCI.

“What do I need to do… apart from dressing as Joanne?”

With a stern look on his face, David gave me a sheet of paper. I only needed to read the heading to understand.

“By legally changing your name and giving her a copy of the name change then any slagging off that she does thereafter is a clear offence,” said the DCI.

For a moment, I felt as if I had been backed into a corner.

I looked down at the paper and saw ‘Joanne Foster’ on a document for the first time. I felt my heart pounding.

I don’t know how long I sat there staring at the document. It was probably only a few seconds but it was enough to convince me that I should do it.

“There is one change that I want to make though.”

Four faces were looking at me.
“I want to be called Jo Anne… as in two words. Joanne is too close to John.”

All four of those expectant faces laughed.

Twenty minutes later, I’d done the deed which was witnessed by the DCI and Constance Abrahams who insisted that I call her Connie from there on.

“I think we are done for the night said David. Everyone needs to get a good nights sleep especially Jo Anne here.”

---

The three guests left soon leaving David and me. Poppy joined us after showing our guests out of the house. David poured us all a stiff drink.

“I think all we need this.”

Then Poppy said,
“I have an outfit all prepared for you. Dad briefed me as to what might happen so when I left work, I went shopping. It isn’t too flashy or anything but it will do perfectly for tomorrow.”

Before I could object she carried on.
“I’ll do your make-up the morning. You do need to look your best for your first proper outing as Joanne.”

“It is Jo Anne. Two separate words.”

“Oh! I like it. Well then Jo, are you up for Nurse Poppy giving you some lessons in the fine art of being a member of the fairer sex?”

Her words sent my heart racing. After all that had gone on that evening I found myself still attracted to her just as I had been the moment I saw her on that lane on Christmas Eve.

“If I must?” I replied trying to make light of it.

“Yes, you must. Nurse Poppy commands it. But… tomorrow is a big day so how about we finish out nightcap and head off to bed eh?”

Then she leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“That includes a cuddle from me.”
She smiled.
“If you want it that is?”

There was nothing more I wanted in my life at that very moment. A cuddle from her lithe body would make my dreams all the sweeter.

---

Poppy took her time and fussed over my makeup and hair for what seemed like hours but wasn’t. As the end, she pronounced herself satisfied.

She’d been a real spoilsport and covered over the mirror of her dressing table so that I could not see her work in progress. Now that is was done, she pulled back the town with an accompanying ‘Ta-Da!’

I looked at myself and was shocked. My hair and face were perfectly done. I could never match her work in a million years.

“Th… Thank you. I could never do it like this. Never in a million years.”

“In time you will learn. You don’t need anywhere near as much as this for normal days but today is special isn’t it?”

“It is special. Very special.”

Then she put a bit of a downer on things.

“Now I need to do your nails. Something dramatic I think. That will make a good impression on ‘her’.”

There was no stopping Poppy when she was in full flow. I started to realised that this was her just being her. I rather liked the attention. I tried to imagine my former wife… no sorry my former bigamist wife doing that and failed miserably. It wasn’t long after I’d been thrown out that I realised that our relationship had been all about her and her alone. It was clear now that I was nothing more than an appendage to be used and then discarded and someone else put in my place to be used up. For a moment, I felt sorry for Duncan but that soon passed when I remembered how he’d actively taken part in her grand plan to liberate a lot of money from its rightful owner and put it in her bottomless purse never to be seen again.

I came to my senses and looked at my nails. They were now a mixture of bright red and black. Poppy was working on the last one.

“There done,” she said a few seconds later.
“Now just fan them gently for a couple of minutes. We don’t want to smudge them now do we? As it will have to come off for when you go back to school, I won’t put a top coat on.”

I had to admit that Poppy had excelled herself with her choice of clothes for me. From the Black Patent flat shoes to the warm coat that she eased over my shoulders. Everything fitted perfectly. I wondered how much she’d spent on me. All she’d say was…

“Think of it as a Christening present.”

It had been a while since anyone had bought me more than the odd Coffee. I felt even more out of my depth.

“Not bad if I may say so myself,” said Poppy commenting on my look.
“Your hair needs to grow out. Then we can give it a decent style and perhaps some colour?”

She saw the angst in my face.

Poppy smiled and touched my hand.
“No rush but I know that in time you will be very passable. With all this off your back, there won’t be any excuse not to be yourself, your real self if that is what you want.”

I didn’t answer as the alarm on my phone went off.

“It is time to go downstairs and meet the others. They said twenty past and that’s it now.”

Poppy looked a bit disappointed for me to be going away so soon.

“I’ll be back later. My car will be parked here.”

I gave her a hug. I felt tempted to give her a kiss but her warning about smudging my lips stopped me in mid pout.

---

The DCI briefed me on the way to Natalie’s house. The Police had the place under observation and so far, nothing untoward had been going on. He said that Duncan had taken his ‘tank’ of an Audi SUV out of the garage and hour earlier. It was parked in the driveway ready to be loaded up.
He told me that a team would be moving into place at the side of the house and also at the rear.

“Are you sure what you need to do?”

“Yes. Go ring the bell and get Natalie out of the house. I’m to let her rant at me. I am to withdraw and hope that she and possibly Duncan follows me out of the house. If he does then your team will move in and arrest them. They must not be allowed to make a phone call to anyone especially Franco.”

“That’s it. Do you have that fake writ copy that we gave you?”

“Yes. It is in my pocket along with a copy of my ‘deed poll’ certifying my change of name.”

“Good. We are nearly there. I’ll be watching from the BT Openreach Van that will be parked opposite. One of my team will be up a ladder working on the phone. Once you get to the front door, he’ll disconnect their landline.”

---

My nerves were building up a we approached their home. The DCI pulled up at the end of their street. It was a cul-de-sac with the River Thames at the other end.

He’d parked right behind another BT Van. The DCI turned to me.

“I’m going to put on some overalls and a Hi-Vis vest. Then that van will take me down the road to the other Van. When someone goes up the ladder then it is your turn to walk down the road and do your thing. Any questions?”

“Got anything for this swarm of butterflies in my stomach?”

He chuckled and started to get out of the car. Suddenly he stopped.

“We’d better check your wire. Say something.”

“Testing 1…2…3…4. Come in Foxtrot 5 your time is up!”

The other BT Van flashed its lights.

“You are good to go,” said the DCI.
“And good luck. Remember our people are ready to move in. You are not alone here.”

“I will be alone out there. You don’t know how effective her left hook is.”

---

Two minutes later a man emerged with a hard hat on. He proceeded to climb the ladder that was propped up against the wooden pole. The DCI emerged and put his foot on the bottom of the ladder. It was time for me to move.

I got out of the car and closed the door. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to all take flight together. Nevertheless, I put my best patent leather shod foot forward and walked towards the house where my former partner not lived.

I hesitated before ringing the bell. After a couple of seconds dithering I pressed it and stepped well back from the door.

I heard footsteps approach. The door opened and there she stood.

“Hello Natalie!” I said softly.

“Well! Look what the cat dragged in. The man in the dress with a bit a slap on.”

I didn’t answer her.

“Didn’t you get my writ? You are banned from this entire street. I should call the police and have you arrested.”

I smiled.
“You are as full of shit as ever aren’t you? As for that so-called writ!”

I pulled it out of my pocket.

“Ah yes. This one. It makes interesting reading. Very interesting indeed. But a total fake. The Judge who is supposed to have signed it has denied all knowledge of it. The Law Society and the Police take a real dim view of falsifying legal documents. And there you are about to leg it out of the country with my children?”

I could see her starting to boil up.

“But there again, they aren’t mine are they? That’s perjury in my book. You swore to tell the truth and all that and you and Duncan lied through your back teeth. I’m sure that it won’t be long before the Police appear on the scene.”

By now, she was livid with rage.
“Oh, and I have changed my name. I am now legally Jo Ann. That’s Jo followed by Ann. Two separate words. I have a copy of the deed poll in my pocket if you wish to see it?”

“You are a fucking tranny. You could never be a woman in a million years. There is a special place in Hell for fuckers like you. You know that don’t you?”

“Oh yes Natalie. Or perhaps I should say Rosa?”

She went berserk and leapt towards me. I backed away from her. Then the verbal’s started.

“Stronzo! You should andare a puttane. You were always a Pompinara!”

Before she could go any further, Duncan appeared. He came out onto the drive to join his new wife.

“Ah yes, the other sucker. You have been well and truly fucked by this she devil. Never mind, you are both going to jail. I’ll bet you didn’t know that she was already married before she trapped me? I’ll bet you didn’t. Your nuptials in Barbados are null and void. She’s planning to take all your money and ditch you like she did me.”

Natalie tried to swing a punch at me but Duncan grabbed hold of her and she missed.
“Let me go or I’ll…”

She swung around and hit Duncan right on the side of his right jaw. He collapsed onto the ground more in shock than anything else.

I could see movement out of the corner of my eye. Before they could react, six burly police officers had surrounded both of them.

A few minutes later they were led into a Police Van for transport to Reading Police Station, Natalie shouted at me,

“Ti ammazzo!”

I called back at her,
“Vaffanculo!”

I smiled and thanked the Internet for providing me with at least one Italian swear word to fling back at her.

As I watched the ‘paddy wagon’ door slam shut behind her, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my body.

---

The DCI supervised the collection of the children by Social Services. I felt some pangs of parenthood but I quickly surpassed them when I remembered that neither of them was biologically mine. The didn’t even look at me. That made me sad. I was even sadder when I remembered all the unopened presents that I’d bought for them. They were still in my flat.

The DCI tapped me on the shoulder.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Go?”

“Go back to David’s? Your car is there isn’t it. You will need to give a statement but it isn’t urgent. The words that she said to you are more than enough for a hate crime charge. You did very well. We have it all recorded. I’m sure that the video with her gesticulating at you will prove very… shall we say educational for the Jury. And to think that she is a Barrister?”
He shook his head in amazement.

“Thanks. For once, I could do with a stiff drink.”

He chuckled.

“You did well today. I’m… Well just well done.”

He took me to David’s home. He declined my offer to come inside and update David and Poppy.
“You can do that just as well as I can besides, I’ve got two suspects to interview. Just before we left, I was told that the Transport Police arrested Franco Rossi at Heathrow as he went through Security. They tell me that his phone will prove very useful in our investigations. He is on his way to Edgware Road Police Station. He’ll be left to stew for a few hours. Then my boss will interview him. She’s a real tiger in the Interview room. I don’t envy him if he tries to charm his way out of this.”

“Thanks DCI Taylor. Things don’t look as bleak for me it was just a few days ago and a lot of that that is down to you and your team.”

---

Poppy was waiting for me as I entered the house.

“How did it go?” she asked urgently.

“They were both arrested and taken away. She really let rip at me when she saw how I was dressed. That is all down to you Poppy. Thank you. I owe you big time.”

Then I sighed.
“That’s all I seem to be doing isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I owed you big time for rescuing me on Christmas Eve. Then I owe you for these clothes and even more for making me look pretty presentable. How can I ever repay you?”

She didn’t answer me with words. Instead, she came close to me and gave me a very nice kiss.

“I owe you as well. When I first saw you standing there beside the road in my headlights I nearly laughed my head off. But there was something about you that said to me, ‘don’t do that’. Go and help her’. I did and I am so glad that I did. Your life has changed for the good and I think that mine has as well and that is all thanks to you.”

“I did nothing, nothing at all?”

“That’s just it. You were just you being you. No airs or graces or coming onto me. It is a long time since a man hasn’t done that to me. They see these beauties and seem to think that I’m easy game.”
Poppy did have a rather ample bosom.
I knew just what she meant. Any half good looking woman with an overly large bosom is often considered fair game for most men.

Then she laughed.
“Not that you could have gone very far in that skirt…”

She looked at me earnestly and said,
“I like you. I like you a lot. I’d love to be part of your life if you would let me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of rough water ahead if we are going to get you presentable to the rest of the world as a woman and not as you said that first night, ‘a bloke in a dress’. Nurse Poppy’s diagnosis is that the patient is over the worst but a full recovery will take some time.”

She kissed me again.

“Are you ready to take down just a small part of those defences you have constructed to keep the big bad world out and let me share my life with you?”

“I… I don’t know what to say?”

“Don’t say anything.”

She took my hand and started to lead me upstairs.

“What about your parents?”

“They have gone to the Golf Club and won’t be back until late,” said Poppy with a mischievous grin on her face as she slowly undressed me. I didn’t resist.

We spent the next few hours in bed together. This time we were very intimate. To my eternal shame, I just broke down and cried.

Poppy held me tight and let me cry myself out.

“I’m so sorry. It is so embarrassing. I should not have done that to you…” I said once I’d recovered a bit.

“There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is clear to me that you have been so scared and buttoned up for years and years. I felt your body start to relax for the first time. Think of this as part of the treatment that will make you able to live the life that you have been wanting to for so long.”

I just held her tight. I didn’t want her to leave me ever. Poppy was the first person I’d met who even remotely understood my feelings.

We spent the rest of the afternoon just lying in each other’s arms. Every so often I’d weep a bit more and she would hold me tight and stroke my head like a mother would do to a child who had hurt themselves.

As I lay there and watched the sky darkening, I felt all the tension that had been building up in me for years start to drain away.

I turned over to face her. To me she was the most wonderful person in the world. At that moment, she was my whole world.

“I didn’t give you an answer earlier. The answer is yes, I would like you in my life.”

She didn’t answer. Then I realised from the pattern of her breathing that she was fast asleep.

I kissed her forehead and slipped out of bed.

There was barely any daylight left as I looked at her. I’d never felt anything like this before. I realised that there was always something not quite right between Natalie and me. I’d put it down to my ‘dirty little secret’ as she’d put it when she threw me out. But I now knew that it was more than that. I had none of those feelings with Poppy.

If this is what love is then I’m hooked.

[the end]

Italian swearwords (as found on the internet)
Stronzo (asshole)
Vaffanculo (go f**k youself)
Andare a puttane: (Go to whores and be f***ed)
Ti ammazzo (I’ll kill you)

[Authors Note]

I hope you like my little tale. It took a lot longer than I thought it would take to wrap up. So much for 2-3000 words. Pah!