Author's Note:Finally the next chapter. Getting a bit more time to write these days, not much but a bit more. Unfortunately its just spread between a few different projects these days. Hope you enjoy. ~Rebecca

I couldn’t help but smile at the memories of that kiss and the moments afterwards as I was cleaning the makeup off my face off later that night. I had tried to wash it all off in the shower, but much to Mom’s amusement I still had a good bit left on my face even after the second shower I had taken. The reason for the second shower was because I had learned now that I hate glitter with a passion, that shit was everywhere and wouldn’t completely wash off. Even after the second shower I was still finding it in places it shouldn’t be.

I found myself blushing at remembering how one of the teachers had to interrupt us after that kiss. No, we didn’t keep making out after the kiss, but when the teacher cleared her throat, I realized that I was still holding onto Sam and still slowly swaying to the music… The only problem was that the DJ had started a much faster song and it was already half way over and we had been oblivious that the music had sped up. Yeah, our friends teased us about that the rest of the night.

Britt though was starting to worry us, the more she danced and spent time with the girls the more obvious to some of us that Brittany wasn’t a costume. I know Shelly and Rachel had their share of suspicious stares more than once. Part of me was relieved, not that she was dangerously close to outing herself, but that the more she started opening up the hurt brooding football player was quickly disappearing before our eyes. The other part was concerned about my friend, regardless of gender. Brett had told us in detail what was at stake and was only doing this tonight to try to cast doubt on anything his father might say in court. The way Brittany was exposing herself though… Yeah, I was worried about my friend.

I had been about to warn Lyndsey so she could pull Britt off to the side and talk to her, when they came into the gym. Jason, the one-time second-string catcher on the baseball team, and a group of his jock friends came strutting in the dance. Even from a distance I could tell that they were going to be trouble. I don’t know what it was, but it was just something tangible that I felt that caused me to tense up. I felt Sam place her hand on my shoulder trying to get me to loosen up. I sighed thinking I might be blowing this out of proportion and looking for trouble where there wasn’t any. After all they had never actually done anything to us, so my fears were probably just due to my overthinking things. I still couldn’t shake that feeling though.

Most of the guys in his group were those that had given both Sam and I looks of contempt at school. Thankfully, Britt noticed them as well and I watched as her whole demeanor changed. It was like I watched Brittany fade into the background, and no matter how he was dressed Brett returned. It happened none too soon either, because moments later Jason looked over and started pointing and laughing at us. I saw Brett tense up and I quickly grabbed his hand and turned him towards me trying to calm him down. It took some doing but I was able to convince him to try to ignore them. Whatever happened I didn’t want us to be the ones to start anything, but I did want us to be careful and to stay in groups so they couldn’t single any one of us out either.

It took them about half an hour before they finally confronted a few of us while trying to get drinks for our group. Brett immediately stood in front of me and Shell, which only made him the target of their taunts. I could tell Brett was ready to try taking them all on with how much he had tensed up. Even standing behind him I could smell the alcohol coming off of them. It was all I could do to pull him away and try to get us back to their group. I had noticed much of the crowd around us looking uncomfortable, but nobody stepped up in our defense either. At least they didn’t join in the taunting either. For a moment I started to get upset at the bystanders, but then I realized most people, especially here in high school, don’t want to get involved. It was mostly a defense mechanism, if you weren’t the one being bullied just keep your head down low and not bring attention to yourself. I didn’t agree with that mentality, but I understood it.

I could tell Brett was upset that I pulled him away. While I didn’t doubt Brett could probably handle most of them, I was secretly hoping that they would hang themselves. We honestly didn’t need any more attention than we’ve already had. After the Clint incident him and I had already been suspended once, thanks to the zero-policy rule on fighting. The last thing we needed was to get in trouble again for fighting, especially since they were trying to goad us into throwing the first punch.

I guess someone did get involved though even if it was indirectly. Shortly after rejoined our friends, we saw Mr. Miller storm in and head to Jason and his group. Even with the loud music in the gym we could hear the guys yelling their innocence and growing more belligerent by each passing moment. We then saw Mr. Miller speak into his walkie talkie he was carrying and a few moments later two of the police officers that had been stationed outside came in. The guys quickly got quiet and as they were drug out of the gym, I could still see the hate in Jason’s eyes as he glared at me. I couldn’t help but think he was thinking it was my fault somehow that they were in trouble. Alcohol and stupidity don’t mix well it seems.

No matter how much we tried to forget about Jason and them, the dance had quit being fun for most of us. That’s how about fifteen of us ended up at Denny’s in full costume for a late-night snack. The looks when we walked in made me giggle, I could only imagine how we all looked. Thankfully people were good natured and joked with us once the initial shock wore off. I did notice once the excitement die down how Brittany started to resurface. Once again, I saw Shelly and Rachel giving worried glances at her. I glanced back at Sam and she was looking worried too. When she saw me looking at her as if asking, ‘What do we do’, she just shrugged. We were both questioning how good of an idea this was, but then again none of us had guessed how close Brett had been keeping her under the surface.

Remembering the last part of the night made me blush and grin once again. Britt and Lynds left on their own and like we had arrived, I was riding with Shelly and Sam was going with Rachel First things first though, we all had to say good night to our dates. I can only imagine the show we ended up giving the customers as we kissed goodnight in the restaurant’s parking lot. I knew that we looked like two lesbian couples, after all everyone in the restaurant had been called me miss or ma’am. I’m not sure why I didn’t correct them, I mean I know what I look like and why they’d get confused… Maybe I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, but honestly… It wasn’t really upsetting to me either…

I quickly finished drying my hair and stood up straight to look in the mirror. With no makeup on I could only see a young petite girl staring back at me dressed only in her sleep shirt. No, it wasn’t some sexy nighty or anything, just an oversized cotton tee-shirt that hung almost to her knees. Looking closely at her face I couldn’t see anything that screamed guy anymore. From my lightened blonde shoulder length hair, to my sculpted eyebrows, all the way to my pierced ears, there was nothing but a young pretty girl. I almost pulled out my earrings but realized that wouldn’t suddenly make me any less feminine. Then I realized that I kind of kind of liked the way I looked with them. Finally, I shook myself and headed to my bedroom figuring I could do this self-reflecting tomorrow. As I pulled up my covers and turned off the light my mind drifted back to that dance and kiss on the dancefloor. I felt myself smiling as I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning when I walked into the kitchen for breakfast, both of my parents raised their eyebrows at me. I glanced down at what I was wearing, which was just jeans and a tee and looked back at them questioningly, “What? Did I not get all the glitter off? You know I showered twice.”

The both glanced back and forth at each other and me before Mom said, “No sweetie… I mean yes, you got the glitter off, it’s just… We weren’t expecting you to be…” She paused and looked at my dad for help.

He just cleared his throat and started to say, “Jordan I think she’s trying to say… You… ahh… I mean you look fine… It’s just… We weren’t expecting you to be so…”

I snorted, “I look like a girl… That’s what you’re trying to say? As if I didn’t already know that.”

Mom quickly stood up and said, “Jordan I’m sorry… I guess your friend Shelly and I got a bit too carried away… I don’t know what we can do about your eyebrows right now, but we can dye your hair back to its original color… It might help…”

I couldn’t help but giggle… After I quit fighting it, I found I was giggling a lot more these days. I didn’t know if it was the hormones, or that I’ve been surrounded by all the girls on the team lately. I said, “Mom… No, it won’t… It’s okay… Besides, wouldn’t dyeing it again be bad for it?”

Dad questioned, “You’re not upset?”

I shook my head, “Nah… Not really… I sort of had to make peace with everything last night after I got out of the shower…”

Mom asked, “Did you really make peace with it? I’ve… I mean we’ve both seen how much you’ve been struggling…”

I sighed, “Mom look. Am I happy with this? No, I’m not… Am I angry and upset? No… I mean I was frustrated a bit last night… But being upset and angry isn’t accomplishing anything… Trust me, I’ve learned that over the last few months… I guess I’m just sort of just accepted this is what I’m going to look like… Last night…” I couldn’t help but smile and felt my cheeks flush slightly, “Last night wasn’t really that bad…”

Dad raised one eyebrow at that statement and mom grinned and asked, “So you’re ready to make the next step?”

My brows furrowed, “Next step? What next step?”

She responded, “You know… Have you thought about a new name and all the paperwork to change your gender?”

I sputtered, “What? Umm… No! Mom, that’s not what I’m talking about… I’m just…” I let out a long sigh and continued, “The way I look… I’m okay with it… Mostly… I think last night had a lot to do with that but… Looking like a pretty girl is one thing, but actually claiming that I am one…”

Mom’s worried expression returned, “Jordan… We’re not trying to force you… I just thought that maybe you were ready to face…”

I interrupted, “The inevitable? Mom I know that I’m going to have to accept that… Probably sooner than later… I’m just not ready. I’m finally not fighting my changes anymore… That’s gotta count for something… Right?”

She gently reached over and placed her hand over mine and gave it a soft squeeze, “That’s counts for a lot Jordan. I’m sorry if you think we’re trying to push you.”

I smirked, “Mom chill… It’s okay. I mean it’s truly okay. I know you both aren’t pushing me because you want me to be a girl. You just don’t want to see me struggling like I had been.”

Mom smiled softly, “No we don’t sweetie. I am sorry though about all Shelly and I did yesterday, there were moments that I thought that you were having fun and I admit I got a bit too excited. We’ve all noticed how pretty you’ve become, and yesterday we got to bring that out even more… You were absolutely gorgeous… Sorry I know you probably don’t want to hear that…”

I laughed, “I was though. It’s okay Mom, I knew what I looked like. Remember”, I said tapping the side of my head, “I’m still a guy up here…” Even as I said that it fell flat in my own ears.

We sat there for a few moments in silence, I could see both of my parents questioning if they really believed what I had just said. I couldn’t really blame them for that, hell I was questioning it myself. I finally spoke up, “Look, I had fun last night. It was pretty cool to see how I could look all glammed up. It’s just… Once I do make the ‘next step’ as you called it, I don’t see getting all dressed up like that happening very often…”

Mom’s eyebrows knitted together as she asked, “Why not? I thought you enjoyed it?”

I smirked, “I did, I mean it was fun and all… Mom I’ve always been a jeans and tee-shirt kind of guy. With that being what I’m most comfortable in, does that really have to change when I finally decide to ‘be’ a girl?”

Mom sighed, “No it doesn’t Jordan…”

Still smirking I said, “Mom, I’m a ball player. Even if I can’t keep playing ball, I’ll always be an athlete of some sort. I just don’t see dresses, skirts and heels being a norm in my future.”

I had truly meant what I had said, at least when I said it. I couldn’t imagine me at that moment intentionally wearing dresses and skirts. Then again once I had overcome my initial reaction to my costume, I really did have fun. The way people had treated and reacted to me had made me feel… I don’t know, appreciated, desired… It was such a different feeling that I had ever experienced, and I was still unsure how it made me feel. I did know drawing those reactions from Sam made me all tingly and giddy like I imagined any other girl my age at the attention of her boyfriend… Or in my case my girlfriend…

Needless to say, when my parents left for church my mind started questioning myself and questioning myself hard. Not only that, but I was also curious as to what all Mom had filled my closet with. I’ve noticed over the last month that my closet was getting more and more full of things. The same could be said for my underwear drawer. I had gotten used to wearing thongs and bras, but most of what I wore was kept in my dresser. Before I had gotten sick the only things hanging in my closet had been a suit, my baseball uniform, and a few coats. That was it… Now though, all I know it was extremely full, and until now I hadn’t been ready to explore and see what she had bought.

I had every intention of only pulling out everything to see what she had in mind. I didn’t want to wear cutesy skirts and blouses, I didn’t. I wanted to think I was only curious, but the two hours my parents were gone flew by. I was only two thirds way through trying on my new clothes when I heard them getting home. Thankfully I heard their car doors shut so I was able to get back into my outfit I was wearing when they left. It was only then I had realized what I had done. For two hours I had gone through outfit after outfit appraising how I looked. I was a bit embarrassed that I had, for the most part, enjoyed going through the clothes. It doesn’t mean I’m going to like wearing them and end up all prissy and… The thought of possibly becoming like one of the vain preppy cheerleaders made me shudder. That will never happen, I know that. One thing I couldn’t deny though, even without makeup I was freaking hot… What worried me was that I was completely okay with that.

Hopefully my parents were none the wiser about what I had been doing while they were gone. When they had asked what I had been up to, guess I was still slightly blushing from the embarrassment of almost being caught, I had only replied ‘Not much, just stuff…’ Mom really didn’t buy it, but she didn’t press any more either.

The rest of the day I spent getting caught up on schoolwork. Mostly just homework and a paper I’d been putting off for too long already. Sam was doing the same. All the planning and prep work for the dance had caused everyone to fall a bit behind, I guess. It was hard for me to stay focused though. Later in the afternoon I moved downstairs so I could work in the living room. My mind kept drifting back to the closet and the things I hadn’t yet tried on… You know, only to make sure it all fit and stuff… Yeah, even my own inner monologue was yelling ‘flag on the play!’

I was up early the next morning so I could shower and get ready for the day. Once I had dried my hair, I tried putting it into a pony tail and some other ways to brush it to make it appear any less feminine to now avail. I can honestly say while getting dressed I wasn’t tempted at all to look through my closet. I quickly shimmied into one of my new pair of jeans and a nice fitted shirt, which did nothing to hide my figure. After donning my chucks, I made one more appraisal before I went downstairs for breakfast. There wasn’t any denying that I appeared to be all girl from my reflection. What did bother me the most though was I looked… I don’t know… Plain?

I was going to end up driving myself crazy with all the second guessing about this and that, I quickly made a decision. One that I think I could live with, and I think Sam would be good with. I grabbed my mascara and put a slight single coat on my eyelashes, and then a tube of my flavored Chapstick and put on my lips… It’s not lipstick and the light coating on my eyelashes wasn’t totally obvious. It just made me look a bit less plain. After all that’s what was bothering me the most, wasn’t it?

Mom and Dad didn’t say anything while I was eating my cereal. I’d been a bit nervous that what I did would have been obvious. If it was though, they would have surely said something. Breakfast was pretty nice, Dad was lost in the morning news on his tablet and Mom was filling me in on what was going on with Brett’s mom.

She had started a few weeks ago at the attorney’s office, and according to Mom it was obvious she was rusty at being in an office setting. Mom had taken that into account and said after only a few days she had gotten back into the groove of working and was now doing really well. She was in the middle of that when the doorbell rang.

I quickly made it to and opened the door and felt my face brighten in a huge smile at my girlfriend standing outside. While it wasn’t the first time I had seen her in a dress, it was the first time she was going to school in one. I said, “Wow, you look amazing!”

She blushed and whispered as she leaned in to give me a kiss, “You do too.”

As her lipstick covered lips slid against mine covered in Chapstick my body reacted like it did at the dance when we kissed. Although the feeling wasn’t the same as when we were both wearing lipstick, it was close enough to it as I felt my nipples harden and my skin tingle.

After the ten second kiss she pulled back and lightly licked her hips and smiled, “Cherries!”

I blushed a bit and said, “It was getting cooler and… I didn’t want my lips to get chapped…”

She giggled and said, “I don’t mind… I like cherries.” She then leaned in to kiss me softly again, which I readily accepted.

After a quick check to make sure her lips weren’t smudged, and I wasn’t wearing her lip color we set off for our walk to school. We weren’t far from the house when she commented, “I take it you couldn’t completely get rid of your look from the dance?”

I sighed, “Yeah… All we could think of trying was to dye my hair again, but it wouldn’t do much so why bother…”

Her eyebrows raised as she asked, “You didn’t pull out your earrings either… Plus your nails…”

I glanced down at my nails, and while I took the color off of them and filed them down, I didn’t remove the tips mom had glued on. I didn’t know why either. My nails would not be considered long in any way, but they weren’t short like I had kept them when I was a guy… Well when I was more of a guy… Dammit, you know what I mean… Ugh… They were sort of in between, just like me. I stammer, “I… Um… I don’t know what’s going on Sam… I really don’t… There are some things that I… I mean they don’t like, y’know bother me or anything… I’m sorry if this is weird… I’m just…”

She stopped and put her fingers on my lips to stop me from rambling. She smiled and softly told me, “Jordan stop okay. Everything is okay. You can try whatever you want to try. It’s okay to experiment with how you look It’s even okay if you like some of it… Like I said, I’ll love you if you’re a guy or a girl. Or even if you decide to be a bit of both. I love you, you got that?”

Hearing her say she loved me made the butterflies in my stomach flutter, I told her, “I do Sam… I have a question though… While some of this I think I do like… I can’t help but feel that you like me a bit more girly… Do you?”

She looked shocked and told me, “Jordan it’s not that! I promise you. I’d be the last person to try to force or even try to push you to wear or do something you’re not comfortable with. I love you for you, for the feisty, won’t give up, friendly, most stand-up person you are.”

I felt a bit of guilt and told her, “I’m sorry I asked… It just sometimes feels…”

She looked a bit embarrassed and asked, “Can I make a confession?” I nodded so she continued, “Like I said, I love you no matter what… I’m so attracted to who you are I can’t put it into words… I had thought that no matter what, I’d always be attracted to girls… Then you came back into my life…”

I stopped her and said, “But look at me, I look like a girl.”

She quickly put her hand over my mouth and said, “Let me finish. You didn’t though when I fell for you Jordan. I fell hard for my best friend a small scrappy guy that had more fight in him then the entire football team combined. But the further your changes started happening… Oh god this is embarrassing.” She paused and bit her lip for a moment before she continued, “I talked to my endo about what had happened in your room about getting my t-blockers upped. He told me they couldn’t up them anymore and from what levels were it should have been impossible for me to have that kind of reaction…”

She paused again, so I asked, “Does that mean what I think it means?”

She nodded, “Probably… I don’t mean to creep you out or anything. I’ve been emotionally attracted to you from the start, but since you’ve started embracing some of your changes…” She paused for a deep breath and said, “Even though this shouldn’t happen, a lot of the time you make my gaff really uncomfortable… I’m sorry I shouldn’t say that.”

I had known she was still physically attracted to girls and had hinted at it more than once. A year ago, I might have been horrified to know I had given someone that kind of response. This was Sam though, my girlfriend. I know that should make it weirder, but it truly didn’t. And the fact that her meds should be stopping that kind of reaction only made me more excited.

Even though I was… Proud? Excited? Whatever it was that I was feeling being able to turn her on like that, knowing she saw herself as a girl I asked her, “Sam… I’m sorry.”

She asked, “What do you have to be sorry for?”

I told her, “Because I know that’s not what you want… That’s why you’re taking the blockers right? That and many other things…”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I’d never really had those reactions Jordan… Ever… I thought it would be horrible to have one… I thought it would scream look I’m not really a girl… At least that’s what I always thought it would…”

I told her, “See, that’s why I’m sorry…”

She placed her fingers back on my lips to shush me and told me, “But it doesn’t bother me like that… At least with you… The worst thing about it right now is the gaff being uncomfortable… It doesn’t make me feel any less me, ya know? I just didn’t want you to be creeped out… I wanted you know what it meant considering it shouldn’t be doing that… What you do to me Jordie…”

I blushed, “It doesn’t weird me out Sam… You’re still you, the super-hot softball goddess.”

She asked, “Really?” When I nodded while smiling, she grinned and asked, “You know what's missing that would make this moment perfect?”

I’m sure the confusion was apparent on my face as she giggled when I asked, “What’s missing?”

She grinned mischievously and whispered as she leaned towards me, “Cherries…Cherries are most definitely missing.”

It had taken only a few moments for us to fix our lips after that incredible kiss and we made it quickly to school. I admit I was in a daze as we passed people on the way to our lockers. I barely caught people smiling and joking with me, not in a hateful way either. I’ve heard the phrase being on cloud nine, and I thought I could relate to it right now. The only difference for me was that mine would have to be around cloud one hundred and nine considering the way I felt in that moment.

Unfortunately, that moment ended rather abruptly after we had gotten to Sam’s locker. Shelly and the girls were hanging around and teasing us about our slow dance to the fast song when I heard Sam gasp, “What the fuck is this?!?!”

I quickly looked at her and the letter she was holding. I couldn’t see what it said from where I stood, but I could see her face and how it quickly shifted from anger, sadness, and then fear. I asked her, “What does it say Sam?”

She read it over and over a few times and the expression of fear merged with one of anger she turned the paper over to show me and said, “Can you believe this shit?”

It only took me a second to read the typed-out note,

 
 
To be continued.