Jordan had been given a second chance to live after overcoming a very unique medical condition. While the procedure saves his life, the side effects that he faces are the last things a 14 year old boy would want. Convinced with what he knows lies ahead, is it better than the alternative?
Better Than The Alternative?
Chapter 19

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Author's Note:Well both of my daughters were busy today, one was working and the other was spending time with friends. Also being the first Saturday that I haven't had to work in months I didn't know what else to do, so I got this chapter typed out... Thankfully I already have the last bit of this story all written out in my head, so its just a matter of having the time to type it out. We still have 6-7 chapters left to go, and as wordy as I can get it might be 8-9, we'll just have to see. Thank you all for following this with me, I really and truly appreciate your comments and kudos. Much love to you all and hope you enjoy.~Rebecca

Stunned, Brett asked, “Just what kind of costume do you have in mind?”

Lyndsey laughed, “Just something I think we can get away with. If we camp it up enough it would come across as just a costume… Besides, you also won’t be the only one to be crossdressing for the dance.”

Brett looked over and glanced at me, I spoke up, “Uh no way, not me. The last thing I want to do is go dressed as a girl.”

Lyndsey frowned, “I was talking about me. If Brett and I go in matching costumes, but I go as the guy… Nobody would be the wiser. It would just look like a fun couples costume. If your Dad does say anything, we can play it off as he was just a pissed off ass about the costume. If we play our cards right that’s all it will be seen as.”

I sighed, “Oh… Thank God. For a second I thought you were going to try to talk me into a dress or something…”

Sam said, “That’s actually a really good idea Lynds. I think that would probably work.”

Lyndsey smiled and then looked at me, ‘You told us this morning that eventually you might have to present as female… The dance might be a good dry run for you too.”

I sighed, “I know… It’s just that I want to hold off doing that for as long as I can.” Tapping my temple, I said, “I’m still mostly guy up here.”

Sam asked, “Mostly?”

I sighed, “Yeah… Mostly… The hormones have been affecting more that just my body… I’ve started noticing other things… I’m getting a lot more in touch with my emotions and also how other people feel… I’m still trying to get used to that…”

Brett told me, “Jordan being a sensitive guy isn’t a bad thing you know?”

I sighed, “Yeah I know… It’s just something else I’m having to adjust to… Still I’m not ready to go out in public presenting as a girl.”

Lyndsey softly spoke up, “Jordan don’t take this the wrong way… Looking at you right now, you already look like a girl. Even if it wasn’t for seeing you this morning, I would think you were a girl now if I didn’t know you.”

I groaned, “I know… The way my body keeps filling out though this is the best I can do…”

I felt Sam gently place her hand on my shoulder as I sighed. Lyndsey asked, “Are you wearing women’s clothes now? I know the jeans are, even with your shirt not being tucked in.”

I nodded, “Yeah they are… Guys jeans don’t really fit me anymore. If they fit around my hips and butt, they’re too loose in the waist…”

Sam moved around and took a look at me and said, “She’s right. I wasn’t paying attention with everything going on, but Jordan those are clearly women’s jeans. Here, tuck your shirt in and put on this belt.”, she directed as she slid her belt out of her own jeans.

Groaning, I did as she said and quickly slid her belt through the loops. My waist was almost too narrow for her belt to fit. As I was modeling my outfit to my friends Lyndsey spoke up, “Damn Jordan… I’m jealous of your figure. I can’t do anything to gain weight and here you are… Damn it’s not fair.” She laughed at the end.

I told her, “I’m sorry… I didn’t ask for this you know?”

Sam was nodding appreciatively, “She’s right though… You look amazing.” I couldn’t help but blush a bit at the compliment and how she was staring at me.

It was then when Lyndsey embarrassed me when she said, “I always worry about wearing jeans that fit like that. I’m always afraid my panty lines are going to show.” I turned bright red, I could feel it. She gasped and then slightly giggled, “Oh my God… Jordan are you wearing what I think you’re wearing?”

I couldn’t say anything, but the bright red on my face probably spoke enough. Sam quickly took a glance at my behind and she muttered, “Damn…” She then got a pained look in her face and quickly sat down and tried crossing her legs. She softly muttered, “That’s uncomfortable…”

Confused I told her, “Well at first they were… I had sort of forgotten I was wearing them until Lynds brought it up…”

She looked embarrassed as she looked up at the ceiling and said, “That’s not exactly what I’m talking about… I wear them too Jord…” At our confused expressions she said, “This is embarrassing… I don’t know how to explain this… Umm… I wish someone would shoot me now… I guess I’, going to need to talk to my Dr. to see about getting my blockers increased…”

Lyndsey’s eyes opened wide and she covered her mouth in her hands trying to stop from giggling. Brett and I both looked confused, I asked, “Why?”

She groaned in embarrassment and told me, “Imagining you in a pair of thongs… I umm…”

Brett got it before me, I guess because I’d never experienced one myself, he suddenly blurted out, “Dude you gave your girlfriend a boner…”

Sam turned bright red and said, “Jesus Brett! Did you have to say it that way?”

Lyndsey couldn’t contain herself anymore as she started laughing hard. Sam was the first to join in with her, quickly followed by Brett. Myself on the other hand didn’t laugh, something else was going through my mind and it wasn’t funny to me. I don’t know if it was because I had never experienced a hard on myself, or that I had forgotten that Sam even had a dick. It was the thought that her thinking about me like that excited her, and it made me feel really good inside. Like super tingly gooey good. I wasn’t even bothered thinking that I made someone hard like that, hell after all it was Sam, my girlfriend. That part didn’t matter to me at all. So far in our relationship it had always been me that showed visible signs, either the goosebumps or how my body would shiver and tingle. Realizing that I was able to turn her on like that gave me a sense of… I wasn’t sure… I didn’t know if it was liberating, empowering, or something along those lines. All I knew is it felt good and excited me. Like a lot…

When Sam made eye contact with me, I didn’t know what really overcame me. I was intending to just tease her, but I slowly walked over to where she was sitting and then straddled her lap. I looked her directly in her eyes and softly said, “I didn’t know I could do that to you.”

She nodded softly and asked, “It doesn’t freak you out or anything? Me getting… You know? Hard?” I shook my head and she asked, “Positive?”

I smiled and told her, “Here’s how positive I am.” I then gently leaned in and kissed her softly on her lips. I felt her hands as they wrapped around me, one of them gently cupping one of my butt cheeks, she then returned the kiss a bit more passionately. After a few moments I heard Lynsey cough and clear her throat, so I pulled back. I asked, “Did that answer your question?” Sam gently nodded and smiled while biting her lip.

Brett snarked, “Geez after that I think we’re going to have to go take a cold shower… Damn dude…” Lynsey snorted while giggling.

Sam gently pushed me back off her lap and started to get up and told us, “I’ll be right back I really need to go to the bathroom now.” She glared at Brett and Lyndsey who were trying to fight back their giggling, she then stated with an embarrassed grin, “If you must know it’s because something is pinching right now pretty bad.” That made Brett wince, but Lyndsey only giggled harder.

A few minutes later when Sam returned, we had mostly recovered, other than Lyndsey was still wiping tears from her laughing so hard. Which only made Sam smirk and try to glare at her some more like she was mad.

Lyndsey took a deep breath and asked me, “Well since you don’t want to go looking like a girl, what do you think you’d go as Jordan?”

I shrugged, “I was thinking something along a famous athlete or something.”

Sam giggled, “Well you are an athlete that doesn’t require much imagination.”

I laughed, “Yeah in soccer and baseball, but I was thinking something more like Larry Bird though.”

Sam’s eyes opened wide before she started snickering, and Brett laughed loudly. It was Lyndsey who looked lost. She asked, “What’s so funny about that? Who is he?”

Brett answered, “He was the power and small forward for the Boston Celtics for like a really long time.”

Lyndsey looked lost, and asked, “So what makes that so funny.”

Sam answered, “The Celtics are a professional basketball team Lynds.”

Lyndsey’s eyes opened wide as she stated, “So he’s like tall right?”

Brett snickered, “Yeah, dude was almost seven feet tall Lynds, if not he was only a few inches shy of it.”

I laughed and told her, “Yeah he’s like six foot nine or ten. I thought it would be hilarious with me being five foot nothing. I could get a fake moustache and everything. So, it would be like totally opposite of me.”

Lyndsey laughed gently, “Okay that sort of makes sense… Since we’re going to be matching what are you going to do Sam?”

She was lost in thought and said, “I just had an idea… Jordie sort of gave it to me… How about since you two are going to match, how about Jordan and I not match… This is a really cool idea, and its nothing about sports…”

I was curious and asked, “So what’s the idea?”

She blushed, “I’d rather not say yet… I might not be able to pull it off. Look Lyndsey want’s their costume to be a surprise… Would you mind ours to be a surprise too?”

I shrugged, “I guess not… I don’t mind… I was kind of afraid that you all would fight harder to get me in a girl’s outfit for this…”

Lyndsey looked sort of embarrassed, but Sam spoke up, “Look I’m not going to lie, I’d love to see how you could look all dressed up. I think you’d be smoking hot… I know how it bothers you though… I promised that I wouldn’t force you into anything you’re not ready for and I meant it okay?”

I nodded, “Thanks Sam… I know I’ll probably be there by next Halloween, but now… I’d just rather not you know?”

We all talked for a bit more, before Lynds and Brett left. It seems they had a lot to talk about, and now that the ice had been broken with us here, they had a lot to talk about in private. Sam and I totally understood that. Sam stayed for a bit longer, and I’ll admit we did make out a good bit even with us leaving our clothes on. I will say that with the way her and her hands make me feel, the easier it’s getting to accept my changes.

Later that evening I was talking to my parents as we ate dinner when I dropped the bomb on my mother. She wasn’t really happy with me, she told me it was asking a lot, but she’d see what she could do. While she wasn’t truly upset once I had told her the situation with Brett and his mom, she understood why I was at least trying. She did promise me that she’d do what she could but wouldn’t make any promises. I respected that, I just hoped that it would be enough. Brett and his Mom could use some good news for a change.

I caught myself posing that night looking in the mirror. I was seeing once again how I looked in my underwear and thinking about Sam and how she had reacted when she found out about my thong. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty turned on and before I knew what was happening, I found myself making sultry poses in the mirror, the whole time imagining that Sam was in the mirror. Leave it to me to embarrass myself like that.

The following Monday I was beyond nervous. Even with the correct size sport bra my breasts were still pretty obvious under my shirt, on top of that I was wearing another pair of stretchy jeans that looked painted on. My shaggy hair no longer was looking like a shaggy boy’s style, but rather an unkept tomboy’s hairstyle. If I had a hair band, I could just put it into a ponytail even if it would only be maybe two inches long. Maybe I’ll have to ask Sam if I could borrow one, it would at least keep my hair out of my face.

Walking into the school that morning I was a nervous wreck, even though as dressed down as I was, I was no longer trying to hide my changes. From the surprised faces that we passed crossing the street to the school I realized just how obvious it was. I hesitated for a small second but with a quick squeeze of her hand Sam pulled me on. The girls had known that I was going to be doing this, so it was no surprise to see I had a whole gaggle of softball players there to meet me at the entrance. For a brief second, I started to feel extremely small when they started surrounding me, I knew they were only doing it to protect me. All those years I had always been the one to jump in and protect others, I’d had Brett jump in a few times, but never anything like this. I almost got a bit mad, but then it hit me how much they cared, and that realization got me choked up.

I stopped, and the girls paused and looked concerned at me. I guess it was obvious I was holding back tears or something. I cleared my throat and told them, “Guys… Thank you… For everything… I wanted you to know that okay… No matter what happens from here on out, thank you for being here… It means… It really means a lot to me… Okay?” I wiped my eyes a bit as they all gave me a group hug. Moments later we were at my locker and shortly afterwards I found myself walking into my home room, alone for the first time since I woke up this morning.

The stares and the snickering started immediately as I walked to my seat. Teddy was staring at me like I’d grown two heads or something… Oh that’s right because it was obvious now that I had grown two boobs instead. I groaned and spun around facing him, “What Teddy? You have something to say? Say it!”

Before he could say anything, the tardy buzzer rang, and everyone quieted down for rollcall. I sat there and glared at him until he turned to face forward. I sat there, and my anger started simmering at all the laughing and little verbal barbs I kept hearing whispered in my direction. Shortly after Coach Bowen had finished with attendance, I couldn’t handle it anymore. So, I stood up.

I asked loudly, “Coach can I make an announcement? It won’t take long.”

I knew he had known what my condition had entailed, after all there had been a staff wide email about me at the beginning of school once they realized the rumors about me dying were false. Thankfully, he was able to cover up his initial shock at my appearance rather quickly as he nodded, “If this is what I think it’s about, it’s probably a good idea. Go ahead Jordan.”

Glaring at everyone who was staring at me while laughing at my expense I said firmly, “To stop any stupid rumors I’m going to tell you all what’s going on and why I’m like this. Everybody here knows that I almost died last year and how bad sick I was when they pulled me out of school. When they finally found out what was wrong, they did what they had to do to save me. This”, I motioned to my body, “Is the side effect of what was done. Because of a faulty gene my hormones were poisoning me, if they hadn’t of acted when they did, I’d be dead right now. So, if you think I’m going to be bothered by your juvenile bullshit, you’re going to have to try harder.” I noticed Coach’s expression and I apologized, “Sorry Coach, I couldn’t think of any other way to put it.”

He nodded sternly, “Don’t let it happen again Jordan…”

Stacy, a girl didn’t really know asked, “What did they have to do?”

I said loudly, “They performed a bilateral orchiectomy on me.” At several confused expressions, I elaborated, “They castrated me.”

I saw most of the guys in the class wince, including the coach. I heard Teddy swallow hard and whisper, “Fuck…”

I continued, “Without any hormones I’d be at a high risk for my bones weakening, cancer and a whole ton of other problems. So, they had to prescribe estrogen to keep me healthy… I promise you I’ll do ANYTHING to keep from going back into the hospital again.”

Another girl asked, “So you’re transitioning like Samantha?”

I shook my head, “Kind of, but not like Sam… I never wanted this to happen. Regardless of how my body is changing and how I look right now, I still think of myself as a guy. Look, I know what I look like. I spent the last few months terrified of what was happening. Bottom line it was this or I was going to die. This! This alternative! It’s far better than anything that I’ve already faced.”

I glanced around at the class, I noticed Rick staring at me proudly and he nodded. I finished, “I’ve already faced and beaten the Grim Reaper once… There is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing that you can say or do that will faze me, I promise you that!” With that I sat back down firmly.

The classroom was silent for several moments, when I heard someone start to clap. I glanced over and saw it was Rick as he stood up. I’d guess a little over half the class stood up and joined him. I went from pissed off to embarrassed in about five seconds flat. As everything quieted down Rick said loud enough for the class to hear, “Dude no matter what they had to remove… You’ve still got the biggest balls of steel of anyone that I’ve known.”

One of the guys laughed and said, “Yeah but now they’re on his chest.”

A girl that was sitting next to him suddenly spun around and slapped him pretty hard, “You know what? I think its time that you find someone else to date.” Looking at me and said, “Sorry Jordan… I’m glad you’re still here okay. Rick is right sort in a way. You’re the bravest person that I’ve seen.”

The last few minutes of homeroom was rather quiet after that, Teddy never looked back or said anything to me. He was lost in his own thoughts, he hadn’t said anything stupid, so I just left him alone. The rest of the day was eerily similar, except by the time I made it to my last class with Sam all the whispers and laughter had ceased. At least where I or my friends could hear them.

The rest of the week no one bothered me at all. It was weird, I had expected it to be bad, but this was scarily calm. It seems that most of the guys were so terrified at the thought of having to have their nuts removed, they didn’t have the heart to joke with me about it. It seems more of the girls were a lot more accepting though, even being nicer to me than they were initially to Sam. Some of them were actually pretty rude to her at the start of school, but as the last couple of months had progress most of them had begun to treat her like any other girl. Except for a select few, specifically the Barbie rejects who ignored both of us these days. It seemed there was still a few of the guys though that still hated me, but other than a few glances nothing was said. It still gave me a pretty uncomfortable feeling.

On Tuesday Brett cornered me at my locker at the end of the day. First thing he said was, “Hey I wanted you to know that my Mom got a phone call this morning for an interview.”

I actually was relieved, I told him, “Hey that’s good news, right? Is it for a good job?”

He nodded and asked, “She got the job by the way, she just texted me during my last class. Answer me honestly Jordan. Did you have anything to do with this?”

I shook my head, “No dude I swear I didn’t. I’m not even fifteen yet, how in the hell could I help her get a job?”

He stared at me for a moment and said, “Her interview was with a Mrs. Taylor… For a secretary at a pretty prestigious law firm here in town.”

My eye’s opened wide, “Oh shit…”

He blurted out, “Yeah oh shit, now what did you do? I know you had something to do with it.”

I stammered, “Maybe… I don’t know… I only asked Mom if there was a way that they could help you out… I was thinking that maybe they could defend you pro bono or something…” I then realized what Mom had done and covered my face in my hand. I told him, “I know how she figured out a way to help…”

Brett told me, “Jordan I know you all want to help… We don’t want handouts though…”

I shook my head, “Dude, trust me this way isn’t a handout. Mom or the Tomlinson’s don’t work that way… I promise you. They needed a secretary slash receptionist… Mom was promoted to office manager a while back and the secretary had been taking night classes, so she took over Mom’s paralegal spot when she was promoted… They had an opening… If she was qualified, your mom would get it.”

He thought for a few seconds, “Well before Dad forced her to quit, she was a secretary at the hospital…”

I told him, “See? So, her experience got her the job it’s not a handout. Will it help?”

He nodded, “Yeah… I don’t know how we can get the retainer in time though. I was thinking about selling my car.”

I laughed, “You don’t know do you?” At his blank expression I told him, “The Tomlinson’s inspire loyalty in their employees. They are awesome people Brett… One of those ways is they provide free legal services to their employees, all their employees…”

His eyes opened wide and he asked, “No shit?”

I laughed and told him, “No shit dude… All I’m going to ask is the next time you see Mom is to give her a huge hug. I only asked if she could help somewhere… This was all on her.”

He looked almost like he wanted to cry, instead he sniffed a few times and told me, “You can count on it… I just thought… Once everything came out… That we’d be alone… You know?”

I reassured him, “Not a chance Brett… Like people always tell me they are sticking by me because I’m a good guy… Dude you’re a great person. So, forget that crap about being alone… Your friends aren’t going to let you be alone. You got it?”

He looked like he was going to hug me, but also knowing that we were surrounded my students I stuck my hand out for a fist bump and grinned. He smiled as he knew I was helping to mask his ‘secret’. As he met my fist bump with his own, he told me, “Likewise short stuff. Likewise.”

On Wednesday we started softball practice, a full two and a half months before the season officially started. Even though with my status I couldn’t legally play, they still left me with little to no choice but to come help out anyway. Coach Dawson even came over to thank me after practice. Once she saw how everyone performed on the first official day of practice, she had known how much Sam and I had already gotten everyone into shape. She confided in me that the girls really wanted me to play, but she understood my situation. She did tell me that as soon as I made the decision though I was guaranteed a spot on the team. It’s not like I didn’t want to play on the team… I really did… It’s just complicated to say the least.

I had also spent the week trying to get a costume together. I had quickly vetoed being a basketball player, I couldn’t hide my bra straps with the jersey. That and I also looked like a little girl trying to play in her dad’s stuff. I thought up about half a dozen different ideas, and everything I came up with made me look stupid or even worse. I had become so frustrated I had almost just decided not to go… Then I remembered that Brett and Lyndsey would be there, and he would need our support. That and I wanted to see how Brett would look, I was positive that Lyndsey would make him look good as she could… I also couldn’t disappoint Sam, I knew how bad she wanted to go, and she had been working hard on her costume, but working even harder to keep it a secret. Not just a secret from me, but from everyone.

It was late Friday night after my shower and I was doing another one of my posing sessions in front of the mirror in my underwear… Yeah, I had gotten to where I was mostly wearing thongs now… It wasn’t because I wanted to or like them, I promise. It was just that all the jeans that Mom had bought me fit me like a second skin. I was dealing with enough stuff to have to worry about VPL’s… I was frustrated enough just knowing what that acronym stood for… Anyway, I was staring at my pretty curvy reflection and I had an idea… With my blue eyes I thought that if my hair was just a bit lighter, I could easily pull this off. Oddly enough after all the frustration I’d been having, the thought of dressing up like a girl was the least of my concerns. I really could pull this off. I just needed some help though; after all the dance was only a week away.

I thought for a few moments who I could ask and texted the first person I could think of.

Me texting {Shelly. I need some help}

Shelly {Sure Jord, anything you need.}

Me {I need help with a costume… I finally had an idea. I really really need help tho.}

Shelly { :) Of course silly. I’m excited. I can’t wait}

Me {Thx. Can we meet up tomorrow? I’ll tell you then.}

Shelly {Sure thing. NN Jord and sweet dreams}

Me {NN Shell. Thanks again, I promise you’ll like it.}

With that I sat my phone down and sighed to myself, “So this is how it begins…”

 
 
To be continued.