Susan tries to look like she was having fun at the tree lighting they had gone to in town. She hated going out at night and didn’t want to be here, but because some of Rachel’s and Jake’s family had come to spend Christmas with them, she had too. The only reason she wasn’t freaking out right now, was because Jake held her close to him. He could tell she was uncomfortable and wanted to run back to the SUV for safety. She stayed close to Rachel and Jake everywhere they went. Her new Aunts and Uncles had been told why she was like this, but it still didn’t help her.

When they stop at one of the shops for some cookies and hot apple cider, Susan is fidgety. Rachel held her hand to keep her still. The morning sickness had stopped a week before, but there were things she had weird cravings fore. She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out her bag of M&M’s and empty’s a few into her hand.

Rachel notices Susan pulling out her bag of M&M’s “baby?”

Susan nods her head yes, before putting them in her mouth.

“At least that’s normal, you are drinking all the juice from the pickle jar was just weird.” Rachel had seen Susan drink the juice from the bread and butter chips straight from the jar.

“Couldn’t help it mother, the babies made me do it.” Susan looks at her mother and smiles.

“Ya right.” Rachel just looks at Susan’s face hidden under her hood.

Rachel escorts Susan over towards a bench for her to sit down at. She knew Susan’s ankle was bothering her.

“Here you go sis.” Carol Ann hands a cup of hot apple cider with a cinnamon stick in it to Susan.

“Thanks sis.” Susan sips her apple cider. She loved this stuff.

Carol Ann sits down next to Susan.

Susan looks over towards her “why aren’t you with some of your cousins?”

“I wanted to help you.” Carol Ann blows on her cider before drinking it.

Susan just gives her sister a hug, being careful not to spill her cider.

“I’ll be okay. Mom is here with me and dad is going to come back and sit with me, while mom goes and see what good bargains she can get.” Susan glances at Rachel and smiles.

“You’re getting to know me too well young lady.” She points her finger at Susan.

Susan just smiles and turn her attention back to Carol Ann “tell you what, why don’t you go over to the candy store there and grab me about three pounds of gummy bears and something for yourself and our cousins?” Susan reaches into her pocket and pulls out a twenty and a ten-dollar bill and gives it to Carol Ann.

“Are you sure?” Carol Ann takes the money from Susan.

“Yes! Now go.” Susan watches as Carol Ann gets up and heads towards the candy store.

“Three pounds of gummy bears, Susan” Rachel was looking at her.

“Yep, I love those things mom. You wouldn’t know how much I have been craving them lately.” Susan loves her gummy bears and sour bears.

“You should have told me, I would have gotten them for you.” Rachel had just made a trip to Wal-Mart a few days ago.

“I know mom, but I forgot to tell you then. I figure now would be a good time to get them. Plus, it will allow Carol Ann to spend time with our
cousins.” Susan watches Carol Ann as she grabs a few of her cousins to go with her.

Jake comes walking over with three slices of hot cinnamon apple pie with whip cream on top.

“Here you go my ladies.” He hands a plate to his wife and Susan.

“Thanks dad.” Susan watches as he sits down next to Rachel.

“So, how are you holding up sweetie?” Jake looks over towards his adopted daughter.

“Do you want me to lie or the truth?” Susan takes a bite of her pie.

“Truth” Jake watches her.

“I rather be home safely tucked away inside the house right now, dad. The only reason I haven’t rabbited to the SUV yet, is because I am too
scared to walk there by myself.” Susan was telling the truth. She had a death grip on her mother’s hand.

“We did ask you if you wanted to stay home sweetie.” Jake recalls their conversion.

“I know that dad, but I didn’t think it would bother me so much. I was kind of hoping because you and mom were here with me, I could relax some, but I keep expecting someone to sneak-up on me and ….” She squeezes Rachel hand more. She was having a flashback of the attack.
She closes her eyes and tears stream down them. Jake comes over and wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him.

“Sshhh, it’s alright sweetie. I’m here.” Jake holds her as she starts trembling against his body.

Jake’s older sister Marie comes walking over fast to the three of them.

“Is everything okay, Rachel?” Marie was looking at Susan as she cried and trembled against Jakes body.

“Susan had a flashback. They come on in time of stress in her. Normally, I would give her a tranquilizer, but with her being this far along, we can’t risk it.” Rachel held Susan’s hand to reassure her.

“Why was she stress?” Marie couldn’t understand that.

“She hasn’t been outside at night since her attack. Even when we are home, she refuses to even step out on the front porch, unless one of us is holding her hand to reassure her. Being here at night and surrounded by people she doesn’t know, took its toll on her.” Rachel was worried about her adopted daughter.

“She looked like she was having fun.” Marie had seen her singing and sitting here enjoying her hot apple cider and pie Jake brought her.

“That’s because I’ve been holding her hand the whole entire time Marie. Susan hasn’t let go of me since we have arrived.” Rachel still had her hand.

“Do you want to go and take her home and we’ll bring Carol Ann home with us?” Marie was thankful they came in two cars. They had Rachel’s car and Susan’s SUV she was letting them drive.

“I think that might be best.” Rachel did feel a little disappointed. She wanted to do some more shopping tonight.

Jake looks at his wife “why don’t you stay here with Marie, Rachel and come back home with them. I’ll take Susan home and tuck her in.”

“Are you sure, Jake?” Rachel didn’t mind, and she knew that her husband could take care of Susan.

“I’m sure.” He stands up and scoops Susan up into his arms.

Rachel stands up and places a kiss on Susan’s cheek. She places Susan’s purse in her hands and gives Jake, Susan’s cane.

Jake carries Susan back to Rachel’s car and buckles her in. She hasn’t opened her eyes or anything. He sets her cane next to her and then walks around and gets behind the steering wheel. He drives them home. He glances at Susan every once in a while, and notices she has fallen asleep. Her head is buried against the corner of the car and her feet are tucked up under her on the front seat. She looks so childlike, like she is. When they get home, he carries her into her bedroom and removes her boots, her coat and tucks her in under the blankets on her bed. He makes sure her comfort teddy bear is within reach for her. He places a kiss on her forehead and leaves her room with the door slightly open. He knows everyone else will be coming home soon.

Rachel and Marie had watched as Jake carried Susan off towards her car. Rachel hopes Susan will be okay.

“Does this normally happen with her?” Marie looks towards her sister-in-law.

“Only when Susan is under a lot of stress. Her rape was very violent. She was gang rape by three men and then she killed each man herself
with their own weapon. She shot two of them and stabbed the third one. If the memories of her rape don’t cause her to have flashbacks, the killing of the three men does. Sometimes it could be the innocent smell of burning wood or the sound of a car backfiring or even the scene of people being killed in a movie. It triggers flashbacks and panic attacks in her. She doesn’t go anywhere near Jake’s guns or use any of the large butcher knives, because it could cause her to panic.” Rachel felt sorry for her adopted daughter.

“Why did she come tonight, if she knew it would cause her so much discomfort?” Marie felt sorry for Susan.

“Because she’s never had a true family and it meant a lot to her. Her counselor has been trying to get here to go outside at night for the past four months. The only time she will do it, is if me or Jake holds her hand and even then, it’s for a short distance away from the safety of the house or her SUV.” Rachel was proud she stayed if she did.

“Now I understand. I guess it makes since, most women might never come out their homes, if they went through what she did. So, I take it that you and Jake are planning on adopting her as your own daughter?” Marie had spoken to Jake about this.

“Yep! We just haven’t told Susan yet. I don’t think it would bother her; she’s been calling me and Jake, mom and dad since we brought her home from the hospital. She has us down as the legal guardians of her girl’s if something should happen to her and if she should be unable to make a medical decision for herself.” Rachel remembers the day. She had given Jake authority for her when she was rushed to the hospital after her rape.

“She seems to be a smart girl. How much do you know about her past?” Marie had a detective friend do a background check on her. He uncovered a lot about her, but nothing too bad. She had been arrested a few times for stealing, breaking and entering. The places that were listed were convinces store and a warehouse.

Rachel looks at Marie “I know all about her past. Sheriff Lawrence did an extensive background check on her, when they were investigating her rape. They wanted to try to make her look like some sort of harlot, as if she invited the men to have sex with her and then she changed her mind or something. Jake almost went through the roof, when he found out. She was the victim and those men were the ones guilty. In the end it was ruled that she acted in self-defense and her killing them was justified.”

“How is Anthony taking this? I knew his wife back in our college days.” Marie remembers Anthony’s wife, before her untimely death. She was killed in a car accident.

“He’s been very supportive of her. He has agreed to support his granddaughters and be part of their lives.” She knew Susan was happy when Anthony had told her that he wanted to be part of his granddaughter’s lives.

“That is good to know. I figure since he lost his wife and now his son, he would enjoy getting a second chance.” Marie had always liked Anthony. She would have married him way back when, but his wife was her best friend and she didn’t want to take him away from her.

The two of them spend the rest of the hours shopping and having fun with their family.

Jake had put a movie on and was watching it, when he hears Susan screams from her bedroom. He doesn’t rush in, but walks in carefully. She was on the floor with her back up against the wall like the way he found her that faithful night. It looked like she had fallen out of bed. She was crying as she sat up against the wall. She had her teddy bear in her arms and was holding it tight against her with her face buried against it. He walks over towards her carefully, so not to spook her.

“Susan are you okay, baby?” He was kneeling in front of her.

“Daddy?” Susan looks up when she hears Jake voice. Tears were streaming down her face.

“I’m right here sweetie.” He picks her up again and takes her back to bed. He rearranges her sheets and blankets. He tucks her back in.
Susan grips his hand “Don’t leave me, please.”

“I won’t. Let me move your rocking chair over here next to your bed.” He carefully moves Susan’s rocking chair next to the bed. There wasn’t much room in her bedroom. They had set-up two spare cots for Carol Ann to sleep in here with Susan and for her cousin to sleep in here. His sister and brother-in-law were using Carol Ann’s room and the boys were using the nursery for now. Which use to be his sister’s room when she was little?

Jake sits down in the rocking chair and holds Susan’s hand as she snuggles deep under her blankets and slowly falls asleep.

She always felt safe with either her mother or father here. She hated having the flashbacks and reliving the events of her attack. She holds Jake’s hand and her teddy bear as well. Ever since the guys gave it to her in the hospital, it became her life preserver, reminding her that she wasn’t alone, and that people love her.

Jake watches as Susan final falls into a deep sleep. He has come to recognize her light sleeping sounds and her deep sleeping sounds. When she is in her deep sleeping sounds, she will sleep for eight hours or more. Waking her up when she is like that was hard. He let’s go of her hand moves her rocking chair back like it was before. He notices the headlights of her SUV pulling into the driveway and heads towards the front of the house to help his wife and sister.