Susan looks at herself as they pass the glass windows as they walk through the mall. She really didn’t want to be out today, after having the news she was pregnant dropped on her last night. She and Rachel had gone by her doctor’s office to see the results from the pregnancy test.
She had talked with her doctor, while holding onto Rachel’s hand. She was told that if she aborts the pregnancy, she may not be able to have children again. There was just too much scar tissue near here cervix. If she decided to have the baby, it would have to be delivered by caesarean delivery. Either way she was faced with a choice of having the baby and maybe giving it up or bring it up as her own. She knew Rachel and Jake would stand by her decision. Rachel had said whatever choice she made, she would stand by her.

They had gone to the hair salon Rachel had made an appointment at for them. She had to hold Rachel’s hand for support as the woman she had cut her hair. The scissors reminded her of the knife she used to kill the skinny guy. The women at the salon had seen the article done about the rape at the Fairgrounds and about her killing her assailants. They didn’t mention much about it or were careful, not to say anything about it. Afterwards, Rachel took her to a restaurant and they had a lite lunch.

Susan wanted to go back home, because she didn’t feel comfortable being around a large crowd of people, but Rachel was always near her and would hold her hand to comfort her. There were a few times her left hand would shake while she was sitting down eating. Rachel would grip it and give her hand a little squeeze to make her relax.

While they were shopping, Susan had to sit down. Her ankle was really bothering her. She did buy the dress Carol Ann had wanted, along with a few other things every girl needs. She even brought a new purse to go with it, with a gift card in it, so Carol Ann would have some money of her own to spend. When they went by the maternity section, she stops to look at some of the things there. There were a few things that looked nice that she had wanted for her first baby.

“Mom, do you know I almost brought something similar to that crib when I found out I was pregnant with Robert’s child?” Susan points towards a beautiful crib she had spotted that looked like the one she had wanted the first time.

“I really wanted to have something nice for my baby.” She stares at it.

“Now, I don’t know what I am going to do.” Susan didn’t want to blame the child growing in her, but at the same time, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be reminded of that night for the rest of her life either.

Rachel looks at Susan’s face and could see the conflict of emotions in her eyes.

“You still have time to decide Susan. Remember, you’re not in this alone. You have a family now that will stand by you and help you. Think of how Jake will feel being called Grandpa. It took him till Carol Ann was born to accept he was going to be a father.” Rachel had an amused look on her face. She remembers the day as if it was just yesterday.

Susan smiles some teasing Jake about being a grandfather would be kind of fun. “What about Mr. Garrigan if the baby turns out to be from his son?”

“Then he can either help you and enjoy his grandchild or back off entirely. Either way the decision is yours.” Rachel helps carries the packages they bought out to the SUV. They had taken Susan’s Cadillac because of how much space she had. Rachel gets behind the steering wheel, while Susan seats in the passenger seat and buckles in. As they drove home, Susan looks out the window and thinks about the choices she has. She had wanted a baby with Robert. Would she have stayed with him if she hadn’t lost her baby? Did she want to keep the baby growing inside of her, because she lost her first one and this one would make-up for it? Did she want this one, because the doctor said she would never be able to get pregnant again and at least this baby would mean she was a woman?

Susan turns in her seat to face Rachel.

“Mom? How did you feel after you were told that you wouldn’t be able to have any more children?” Susan was watching Rachel facial expression.

“I felt like my life pretty much ended. I wanted a big family and a son to carry on our family name. Carol Ann was a premature baby. She was born at 29weeks. I thought I was going to lose her, but she fought her way to the point where she could finally come home. You should have seen Jake. He didn’t sleep or eat. His older sister came down here and took care of me and the ranch. I was a mess. I was depressed and wanted to die. I didn’t want to go through life without my baby. I was envious of girls your age that could have as many babies as they wanted and angry at the ones that either had an abortion or gave their babies up. I asked why they should be able to continue to reproduce and I couldn’t? I was angry at god because he took what made me happy and a woman away from me. It took me a long time to understand why I can’t have any more children other than Carol Ann, than you came along.” Rachel glances at Susan and then back at the road.

“You may not have been born from me, but I sense that you needed or wanted a mother figure in your life. After what happen to you at the Fairgrounds, I knew it wasn’t by luck. I knew before then, when I first met you that you were going to be someone I would need to take care of. You had that lost lonely look in your eyes. I notice how you watched the mothers and daughters that walked around you or near you how much you wanted a relationship like that. That’s why I told Jake to tell you, that you were going to be staying up at our house, instead of the bunk house. We have more than one bunk house and you could had stayed in the other one. It is normally used by any women we hire. However, since we consider you family, your place was with us.”

Susan sat there in her seat stun.

Rachel gives Susan a motherly smile and then goes back to concentrating on her driving.

Susan sits back in her seat and felt that she had been set-up. She knew that was impossible. She thought about Rachel’s words and would think on the matter of having her unborn baby.

Susan notices that Mr. Garrigan’s car was parked next to Jake pick-up truck. She had forgotten he normally comes on Thursday’s to visit her.

“Should I tell him mom?” Susan was looking towards Mr. Garrigan’s car.

“That’s up to you sweetie. If you want to wait and make sure that the babies might be his son’s, then I would wait. If you want to tell him that you found out that you are pregnant, but aren’t sure which of the three men the baby is from, then you can do that. However, the final decision is yours.” Rachel thinks it might be safer to know who the father is and if she is going to keep the baby, before saying anything at all.

Susan sits back in her seat and thinks about it. She knows she’ll have to tell him sooner or later, but she isn’t sure what she is going to do about the baby yet.

“I think I’ll wait, till I figure out if I am going to keep the baby or not. I am still on the fence about having it. I would like to know who the father is before I do anything.” Susan looks towards Rachel.

“If that’s the way you want to do this, then I will support you on it.” She reaches over and gives Susan a hug. She gets out and walks around to the passenger side to open the door for Susan.

“So how was the shopping trip and Doctor appointment?” Jake wasn’t talking about the pregnancy test. He was concern about Susan’s ankle and wrist.

Mr. Garrigan was following behind Jake.

“He said I was getting better. Dr. Alvey thinks I can start physical therapy for my ankle next month. He still wants me to use my cane and this stupid walking cast. He told me I can’t get back into the saddle any time soon. My other problem is slowly healing. However, my wrist is still going to take about a year to get to the point where I can use it to even tie my shoes or braid my hair.” Susan watches as Mr. Garrigan comes up to help Rachel with the packages.

Susan looks towards Mr. Garrigan “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting sir. Mom thought it might be good for me to at least look like a normal girl, instead of hiding inside the house.”

He just smiles at Susan’s attempt at a joke “no my dear you haven’t. I think she did a good job in making you look better then you have lately. I like what you did with your hair. It makes you look older than you really are.”

“Thank you.” Susan blushes from the compliment.

“The main reason I came by other than to check on you, is that I am flying out tomorrow for a week on business. There is this nice full-blooded Andalusian mare I saw that I thought might be a good companion for yours. If you don’t mind me acting on your behalf, I could see how much they would be willing to let her go for and bring her back here to you. I think between the two, you could start a nice herd of your own.” Susan looks out towards her poor fellow. She hadn’t been able to spend any time with her boy.

“What do you think daddy?” Susan looks towards Jake. He has been taking care of her horse.

“He might be happier having a companion with him. If you’re going to do this, I’ll support you.” Jake knew Susan missed her poor horse.

“Let me get my check book Mr. Garrigan and I’ll write you a check.” Susan was about to step away from the Cadillac.

Mr. Garrigan lays his hand on her gently to stop her.

Susan tenses up some and then she remembers who is touching her.

“There’s no need Susan. I’ll handle everything.” Mr. Garrigan had notice Susan had tense some.

Susan looks at Mr. Garrigan “you don’t need to do this Mr. Garrigan. It wasn’t your fault and you don’t need to pay for this. “

“I know Susan. Still, what my son did and one of my hire hands did to you is unforgivable. I’m not trying to buy forgiveness from you. I want to do this for you. You lost something that there is no price that could be put on. Besides, how can you not let an old man like me not shower you with gifts? A pretty girl like you deserves nice things.” Mr. Garrigan was teasing Susan.

“She has nice things old man.” Jake walks up to Susan and stands by her.

“That she does. Still, let me do this for you Susan.” Susan looks towards Jake and then Mr. Garrigan. This fight she could handle, but the one that was going to be coming up in another two months was going to be the straw which broke the camel’s back.

“Okay Mr. Garrigan. I’ll let you this time. Just remember, one day I might ask you for a huge favor one day. Susan leans in and places a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you for what you have already done for me. Now if you’ll excuse me, my ankle is screaming at me.” Susan steps past Mr. Garrigan and heads into the house.

She notice Rachel has already got a bunch of pillows ready for her ankle. She walks over towards the recliner she loved sitting in and takes a seat and prop her ankle up on the pillows.

Jake had follow behind her with whatever was left in the SUV. After he helps put the things away and the few bags that belonged to her, in her room. He comes walking over to where she is resting.

“I think that was a nice offer from Mr. Garrigan.” Jake sits down in his favorite recliner.

Susan looks towards her adopted father “I feel like I am taking advantage of him dad. He shouldn’t be doing what he has so far.”
Rachel comes in and sits next to Susan on the sofa.

“He feels guilty for what his son did to you sweetie. To him it’s a disgrace against his family name. His family name means just as much to him as ours does. There’s allot of old families around here. I think if you had been a street walker or rodeo follower, he might feel different about what happen. However, since you were employed by Jake and worked hard around the rodeo and are under age. He sees what was done to you as a crime. It goes against the cowboy code. So, he feels indebted to you. You haven’t asked anything of him, which he hasn’t offered to you. So, don’t feel guilty over what he asked to do for you.” Rachel reaches over and brushes a lock of Susan’s hair out of her eyes. It looked better than it has in the past month.

“How about my other problem” Susan looks at Rachel.

“What problem is that?” Jake had a puzzled looked on his face, as he looks at Susan.

“Me being pregnant, daddy” Susan couldn’t help, but wonders sometime.

“Why would that be a problem? We know who took advantage of you.” Jake was a little confused about what Susan was talking about.

“I’m talking about how to prove who the baby’s father is daddy. I know that the hospital did a DNA test of everyone involved in my rape for the courts to prove the shooting was justified. I just don’t want Mr. Garrigan to think that if the baby is from his son, that I want anything from him because of it or he might fight me to either prevent me from getting an abortion or to take the baby away from me if I decide to keep it.” Susan could feel the tears start to slide down her cheek. She didn’t want anyone to take her baby away from her. She places her hand on her tummy.

Rachel notices how Susan placed her hand on her tummy. She also notices the tears staring to slide down her face as well.

“No one’s going to take your baby away from you Susan. I promise.” Rachel looked towards her husband and he nodded his head in agreement.

“I know mom, it’s as much as I have been fighting on not wanting this baby. I find myself starting to want the baby now. I feel I don’t deserve this child, because of how it was conceived.” She starts crying.

Jake gets up out of his recliner and scoops Susan up into his arms and holds her like he did the night she was raped. He could feel her cling to him and crying against his shoulder.

“You have time to decide what to do sweetie. If you decide that you want to keep the babies, we will be here for you.” He gives her a hug and carries her to her room and tucks her in.

He looks down at her and she does look like a little girl just lying there.

“I like what you did to your hair.” He leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.

“Get some rest.” He turns and walks out of her bedroom. He leaves the door slightly open. She still didn’t like having the door shut all the way.

The following week they threw a sweet sixteen birthday party for Carol Ann. She had all her friends over and they spent the day horseback riding and playing games. While Carol Ann and her friends were out horseback riding and having fun, Susan inspected her new horse. Mr. Garrigan had brought her the mare they had talked about. She was a beauty and Midnight Chaos took to her right away. She hadn’t been named yet, so Susan named her Midnight Moon. She stood next to the fence petting her and Midnight himself. The farm boss, Gerald comes walking up to her.

“How are feeling, kiddo” Gerald had been told about what happened to Susan and hadn’t seen her much. He could understand why she kept herself barricaded in the house.

“Better.” She takes a breath and relaxes. She had gotten tense when he had first approached her.

“I still can’t go riding. God knows I want to. My poor boy here hasn’t been taken for a good run for a while.” She pets Midnights neck.

“Oh! He is just a big puppy dog.” Gerald reaches out and strokes Midnight’s neck as well.

“He’s more like a Rottweiler. You should have seen him. He was tearing through the fairgrounds like he was being chase by a cougar. No one could get their hands on him or get him under control. Then here I come and manage to get up on his back and calm him down.” She rubs his neck.

“I’ve heard the stories. They said you did it, like a pro. You made allot of cowboys’ that day look like an amateurs.” He had heard the men under him brag about her skills.

“I didn’t mean too. I just did what I thought was right.” She pets Midnight Moon.

Susan turns to Gerald. He was as old, if not older then Jake and had a grandfather quality about him. You could see some Native American features in his face and such.

“Gerald, if you don’t mind me asking, are you part Native American or Mexican?” Susan wasn’t sure

He just laughs. He loved the way she had asked.

“I’m a little of both. My mother is Hopi and my father is part Apache and Mexican. How about you? What is your family background?” He looks at Susan; he could see some Native American features in her. Her hair for one thing, was a dead giveaway. She had the hair coloring of a Native American and some of the facial features.

“I don’t know allot about my family histories. My mother died when I was young and I was raised by my father and then bounces from one foster home to another and now Jake and Rachel.” She looks over her shoulder towards them. They were setting everything out for the party.

“You care for them, don’t you?” He had seen how she looked at them.

“They’re the family I always wished fore when I was little. I feel lucky now that I have them in my life, but I wish I had them earlier. Maybe, I wouldn’t have made as many mistakes like I did.” She turns back around to look at Gerald.

She notices Carol Ann come walking up behind Gerald leading her horse brownie, who looked to be limping.

“Gerald, I think something is wrong with Brownie.” She had tears sliding down her cheek.

Gerald turns around and looks at Carol Ann and then bends down to examine Brownie’s hoof.

“She’s going to be alright sweetie. It’s just a minor heel injury.” Gerald looks back up at Carol Ann and gives her a fatherly smile.

“But I won’t be able to ride with my friends. All the other horses are out in the field.” Carol Ann was enjoying riding with her friends.

“Take Midnight Chaos, Carol. He needs a good run and he’s as solid as a house.” She pets her horse.

“But he’s yours and I’ve never ridden him before.” Carol Ann looks at Midnight Chaos. He was a big stallion and very strongly built.

“He’ll let you. He’s a big puppy dog.” Susan grips both sides of his head and places a kiss on his nose.

“You take care of my little sister, boy and do everything she tells you.” Midnight just snorts at her.

Gerald reaches out for him “come on Midnight; let’s get you all saddle up then.”

Susan watches as Gerald guides her poor boy to the gate with brownie limping beside Gerald on the other side of the fence.

She turns around and faces Carol Ann “go and have fun with him sis.” She gives Carol Ann a hug.

“Thanks sis.” She returns the hug and then hurries to help Gerald. Susan stands there and keeps the mare she was given company. She was leaning against the railing to relieve the weight from her ankle.

She pets her and scratches a favorite spot she had found. Not long afterwards, she notices Carol Ann riding off with Midnight. Susan stays and keeps her mare company, till her hurt ankle starts protesting. She heads back over towards the tables where Jake and Rachel had finish setting everything. Jake was barbequing on the grill.

“I saw Brownie limping, what happen?” Jake always gets concern over any injuries to the horses.

“She had minor damage to her Coronet and heel. Carol Ann walked her back, so Gerald could help her. I told her she could ride Midnight.” Susan reaches for a glass of sweet Ice tea Rachel had made.

“Do you think that is wise?” Rachel looks towards both Jake and Susan.

“Dad trained him. So he should be fine, plus he’ll take care of Carol Ann. He’s a big puppy dog.” Susan smiles when she says that.

“Maybe around you he is, but around anyone else, he acts like he’s the head stallion around here.” Jake had seen Midnight boss the other stallions around. He was forceful and willful.

“Will Carol Ann be safe with him?” Rachel didn’t want anything to happen to her baby.

“She’ll be fine mom. Midnight has orders to do what Carol Ann tells him and to take care of her. I have faith in him, which he won’t let me down.” Susan was sure he would be fine with Carol Ann.

Later that night the party continued on. Carol Ann had a sleep over with her friends. Susan stayed in her room and read a book in a rocking chair Rachel had given her to sit in. Her door was slightly open and she could hear the music they were listening too. It didn’t bother her. It reminded her of all the parties she and Robert use to have. Her sixteenth birthday was spent as a married woman. Now she gets to see what a real sixteen birthday is like. She falls asleep in the rocking chair with her ankle propped up. Her left wrist was getting better, but it was going to take longer them her ankle.