It was dark, well it would be as it was nighttime and the lights were out...


Working Girl ~ Life Goes On! 5

By Susan Brown

On the good ship lollipop.
Its a sweet trip to a candy shop
Where bon-bons play
On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.

Chapter 5

I woke up in a sweat; I had just dreamt that I was Shirley Temple. I shuddered, as I could almost taste that lollipop.

It was dark, well it would be as it was nighttime and the lights were out.

In the distance I could hear the throbbing of the engines. Then I realised that it was actually Sheila snoring next door.

I was wide-awake now; I glanced at my little portable Minnie Mouse alarm clock. I loved the way one arm was pointing to the minutes and the other, a bit shorter, to the hour hand; it was 2.30am — quite a few hours until I had to get up.

Anyway being unable to sleep, of course my mind went over what had happened the previous day. I won’t write the bits that you know, cos you read it already, and if you haven’t read it, what’s the point of starting to read this half way through? — Anyhoo, after the Stupid Child Booblet Incident, I got a bit fed up with cooking myself around the swimming pool and also I was still a bit uptight about the mystery man, learing at me across the swimming pool.

I was thirsty — Sheila had gone man hunting again — well I assumed that was the case as that was her main hobby apart from physical violence. I decided to go to one of the bars on the next deck up.

As I went up the steps, I once again had that feeling of being watched. It was getting to be bit annoying. I mentally shrugged my shoulders and told myself not to be silly; I would land up at a nut farm in a straight jacket if I didn’t watch out.

I found my way to the bar, which appeared to be a karaoke one, as there was this old bloke singing ‘I Did It My Way,’ off key and about twenty seconds behind the music.

I ordered some earplugs and a screwdriver, whatever that was. It was the house speciality evidently and the nice man behind the bar said that I looked like I needed one. —It tasted like orange juice with a bit of a bite.

‘Yummy,’ I said, ‘can I have another?’

Funnily enough, after the second orange juice thingie, I felt a lot better and lost that feeling of being watched. After the fifth one, I was singing a very good rendition of Sailing, by Rod Stewart….

I am sailing, I am sailing,
Home again cross the sea.
I am sailing, stormy waters,
To be near you, to be free…..

Then I fell down and I got intimately acquainted with the deck, which needed polishing, by the way.

I must have a had a little sleep then, as I woke up in my cabin with a bit of a headache.

Sheila was standing over the bed looking down, a small smile or was that a leer played on her lips.

‘Hello.’ I said and wished I hadn’t as the noise coming out of my mouth started a pneumatic drill in my head that threatened to blow it apart.

I winced a bit; well quite a lot really and held my head in my hands — trying to stop the banging of the drill with little success.

‘Got a headache have we?’ boomed Sheila.

‘I don’t know about we, but I think I am dying; please don’t shout… I can’t take it.’

‘I was only whispering; take this.’

I looked up, and saw through bleary eyes that Sheila was holding a glass. There was some browny, yellowy liquid in there, the sight of which made me want me to throw up all over the bed.

‘I can’t drink that; I’ll be sick — anyway, what is it?’

‘Just a concoction that cures hangovers.’

‘I don’t have a hangover — I must have a bug or something.’

‘Yes, it’s the drinking bug; now sit up and drink it or I’ll force feed it to you.’

I sat up; holding my head to prevent it falling off and with shaking hands took the glass from a smirking Sheila.

‘I thought you was a nurse, you should be nice to me and wipe my fevered brow.’

‘Stuff that; all that sort of thing went out with Florence Nightingale; it’s all “lets get them cured quick and out of here, so we can keep up the quota” now.’

I looked at the slightly pulsating liquid with distaste.

‘What is it?’

‘You don’t need to know.’

‘Will it kill me?’

‘Might.’

‘Will it stop the builders in my head, banging and drilling?’

‘Should do; now drink up like a good girl.’

I took a deep breath and drank it straight down. It was a bit lumpy and I nearly gagged at the taste, but I eventually finished it and dropped the empty glass on the carpet. I swear that the few drops that split out of the glass and got on the carpet started eating away at it. There was evidence of smoke, but I wouldn’t swear to it.

I shut my eyes to stop the room spinning. Funnily enough, after a few minutes, I was feeling a bit better and then after a while, a lot better.

‘What was in that?’

‘Better not to know; but it’s worked, hasn’t it?’

‘Yes. I must steer clear of that spanner drink.’

‘You mean screwdriver.’

‘Whatever.’

‘Are you up to coming out? A brisk walk around the ship, all those sea breezes, ozone and crap like that will clear your head.’

‘Do I have to?’

‘Doctors orders.’

‘You’re not a doctor.’

‘Naa, thick lot are doctors, us nurses are always the brains of the outfit. Now, come on get your sandals on, a bit of lippy, sun tan lotion, quick flick with a hairbrush and you’ll be a new girl.’

‘Yes Mummy, where’s my sun glasses?’

‘Don’t start.’

Fifteen minutes later, we were walking around the deck and I was breathing in the fresh sea air. We were miles away from any coast. To be frank, I had no idea where we were or even the name of the ocean we were in; geography wasn’t my strong point; mind you, education in general wasn’t my strong point, never mind, I hate those people who think they know everything and I do have a sunny personality.

My head had now cleared and all was well with the world. I didn’t feel that weird feeling of being watched and relaxed a bit and started to enjoy myself.

We were leaning over the railings looking down at the swimming pool and all the semi naked bodies, cooking quietly in the sun on loungers. I could see that Sheila was salivating over all the man flesh on offer. Most of the men were old enough to be her father but some were younger and without beer guts. I on the other hand was more interested in the overall picture of people enjoying themselves, especially in the pool. I was above all this flesh worshipping stuff that Sheila seemed to thrive on.

All the laughing, shouting, splashing, porpoising and other things that go on and around the pool made me feel happier than I had been for a long time.

My hair was getting in my face a bit and I felt that at some stage, I would have to go to the salon to get snipped a bit. My dress was billowing slightly in the sea breeze and I had to hold it down with one hand to prevent any ogling male down below catching a glimpse of my knickers. Thoughts of Marilyn Monroe came to my mind. I didn’t want that to happen. I marvelled at the fact that I now felt so comfortable in my female persona. Who would have thought that a short time ago, I was a shy, spotty boy without any future and a sad past.

Soon, we moved on (I dragged Sheila, kicking and screaming away)and we found ourselves in a coffee shop. The smell of the coffee and Danish pastries reminded me that I was hungry. So we sat down, asked for a Capo and pastry and looked around us.

‘He’s nice; like his bum.’

‘For God’s sake, Sheila, can you stop thinking about men for one minute.’

‘Not really; I have a problem; I like men.’

‘I would never have thought.’

‘Sarcasm, Toni?’

‘Would I?’

‘Hmm, watch it. Anyway, you decided whether you like boys or girls yet?’

‘Do I have to choose?’

‘Not really; if you want to be AC/DC it’s fine by me; whatever floats your boat. You can jigger with whoever you fancy.’

‘You are so crude sometimes Sheila, I haven’t found a soulmate yet. I don’t want to jigger with anyone as you so charmingly put it.’

You will, I have a feeling in my water that you will find true love on this cruise.’

‘I heard that cruise romances never work.’

‘That a fallacy.’

‘There you go talking about sex again!’

‘I don’t mean phallus, dummy. I mean it’s a falsehood.’

‘Oh.’

The drinks and pastries arrived and there was relative silence as we consumed the scrumptious delicacies with concentrated exactetude…who said I can’t rite English?

As we sipped our frothy coffee, our eyes spanned our fellow customers. It appeared that Sheila was correct that the average age of passengers on cruises appeared to be getting younger. There were quite a few people of our age, quite a few families with young kids and a fair smattering of people dressed like they were in their twenties but were probably over forty. I know when I’m as old as that; I will dress according to my age and try not to look like mutton dressed up as lamb, well I hope I will, anyway.

‘Are these seats taken?’

We both looked up as two men stood there, smiling down at us.

‘No, they’re free,’ said Sheila in her throaty — ‘I-am-up-for-it’ voice.

The men sat down.

‘I’m Jake, this strange man is Tim.’

‘Hey- I’m not strange, just a bit weird.’

I laughed at them and drank my capo. I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

‘This is Toni and I’m Sheila. What are nice boys like you doing on a tub like this?’

I looked at Sheila; talk about corny!

‘Well,’ said Tim, ‘until we saw you to lovely ladies, not a lot.’

Tim was looking at me and suddenly, I went all sort of goosy, skin wise. The hairs on the back of my head stood to attention and my tummy did a three-point flip, flip, flop. I was diving in to his ocean blue eyes and I didn’t have any water wings.

Jake was saying something and without hearing it, I found myself nodding.

Conversation was going on around me, but I was in Another Place. I looked at Tim’s, Adam’s apple, bobbing up and down as he spoke. I must have said something witty as he laughed, his teeth were as white as any toothpaste advert and the smile lit up his face.

I could vaguely tell that Sheila had latched onto Jake like a female limpet mine, but for some reason, I wasn’t paying too much attention to what she was doing to or rather with Jake.

All too soon, the men left and there was I sighing into my now fast cooling drink.

‘My God, I never thought that I would see that!’

I turned to Sheila and said, ‘What?’

‘You.’

‘What about me?’

‘Agreeing to go out for dinner tonight with a hunky man; talk about dumbstruck, love at first sight and all that.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Earth to Toni; is there anyone in there? You agreed to go on a date with Tim. There was so much chemistry and electricity between you, you could harness it and run the ship for five days, easy.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘You did.’

‘I…I…I’m going on a date?’

‘Yes, hen.’

‘But, I’m a bloke.’

‘Not from where I’m sitting; anyway, you said you wanted to be a girl.’

‘I do…I think, but, but…what if he gets heavy and wants to put his thingie in my whatsit.’

‘So what?’

‘I haven’t got a whatsit!’

‘You don’t need to worry about that; he seems a nice boy; he will only want to kiss you, perhaps a bit of tonsil hockey but no more than that. Anyway, if he does get a bit heavy, just tell him that it’s your time of the month.’

‘What, June?’

Sheila looked at me sadly.

‘I think that me and you need to go back to the cabin and I’ll tell you a few things about the birds and the bees.’

‘Birds and bee…’

‘Later, dear.’

To be continued...

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