The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2584 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Henry left for London with all sorts of offers of help if it became necessary. I got the younger ones off to bed, bribed by reading them a story leaving Danielle to talk with her dad and elder sisters. By the time I returned, they were considering all sorts of disguises for the poor girl to wear.

It was a Saturday and school wasn’t going to be a problem for a couple of days. However, at about mid morning, Sister Maria phoned me. “I’ve had numerous calls from the press asking for an interview with Danielle. One even asked if she was really a girl.”

“Oh,” my heart sank.

“I explained we were a girls’ school, so what did they think. Their response was nothing short of pornographic.”

“Oh.”

“Just in case anyone has confused her with a boy who played football...”

“I suppose it could happen,” it was almost inevitable. The Echo had three photos adorning its front page with the headline—Portsmouth’s answer to David Beckham is a girl! David brought over the disreputable scandal sheet and part of me wanted to laugh and part wanted to cry.

As the game was played in front of a live audience, it would be impossible to try and stop it. Five thousand people watched it. But if things got too harrowing for our own little ball bender—um, as in Bend it like you know who—I would speak to Henry with a view to releasing an equally headline grabbing story of our pursuit and near murder by Russian agents after the game.

I phoned Pa in law and asked him what he thought, he’d have a press release prepared and cleared by the Home Office. He thought they’d be sympathetic given Danni’s unfortunate route to girldom. If they had to release it, I asked them to give the Guardian and Independent first notice as they appeared most sympathetic to transgender people.

We’d just finished lunch when Henry called back. “Can you come up to London for five o’clock with Danielle and Simon?”

“You’re going with the second story?”

“A little birdie has told me the Croats are challenging the result because England fielded a boy.”

“Have you told Jason?”

“He’s meeting with the FA as we speak.”

“You’re doing a press conference?”

“Yes, have Danni looking as female as you can.”

“That won’t be hard, Henry.”

“See you at five at HQ.”

I quickly told Si and Danni what was happening, neither were very happy but went off to change so we’d appear like your average billionaire bank director aristocrats and daughter.

We showered and Stella helped Danni and I with our coiffures then we did our own makeup and I wore a Chanel suit and Danielle her favourite dress which just happened to be by Paul McCartney’s daughter—she found it in a charity shop while shopping with Cindy. It was very fitted and with her slim figure, she looked delightful with no sign of boy at all. Trish painted her nails while we waited for the bank’s limo to collect us.

The traffic was awful and I was glad I wasn’t driving. Simon kept looking at the drinks in the back of the car but my stony stare caused him to change his mind. I had my iPad with me and we were liaising with Henry and Jason—the FA were happy that everything was in order and their criteria were applicable. By the time we arrived at the bank, there was an outside broadcast van parked outside. We were taken round to the staff entrance and dropped at a door which opened as we arrived.

A spokesman for the police arrived, his role was expected to be minimal.

At exactly five o’clock, the ordeal started. A spokesperson for the bank read a prepared statement. “At approximately five pm yesterday while collecting her daughter who’d played for England schoolgirls’ at Madejski Stadium, Lady Cameron became suspicious of two men who were following her. She collected her daughter and the two ran away pursued by two men. In the ensuing chase one of the pursuers stabbed a security guard who challenged them.

“The Camerons were chased through the building and down a fire escape where one of the men fell dropping a pistol. Lady Cameron turned to face the second man to give her daughter a chance to escape. He fired at her but dropped his gun as well in the struggle. He subsequently drew a knife and even after a security guard told him to stop he persisted in attempting to injure or kill Lady Cameron. The security guard, an ex regular soldier picked up the gun told him to desist and when he continued with his threat to Lady Cameron he was shot dead by the guard, who then surrendered the weapon to the police.

“It was suggested that the two attackers were Eastern Europeans, neither Lady Cameron or Danielle were badly injured in the attack.”

“Greg Stevens, the Guardian—were the pursuers Croatian, and were Lady Cameron and her daughter aware the Croats have raised a challenge to the result claiming Danielle to be a boy.”

Jason offered to answer this one. “We were unaware of the nationality of the attackers other than not British. As to Danielle’s qualification to represent her home country, I have a statement from the FA confirming that she is eligible to represent her country and to play for a female team. There are therefore no further questions which can be raised pertaining to this matter and given she is also a minor, we would ask that her age and privacy be respected.”

The whole thing went on for half an hour and I felt I’d aged about a year by the time we’d finished. Asked where she learned to kick a ball like she does she said she went to a soccer academy and that she was always playing football. She was asked if she’d like to play for an adult England side, she responded brilliantly, ‘She hoped to play for England women when she was old enough.’

“Not the men then?” challenged someone from the Mail.

“Does it look like it? Shoulda gone to specsavers,” she replied quoting a recent advertisement and rolling her eyes which had the rest of the press pack laughing at their colleague.

The police spokesman confirmed that a man had been shot after the match and that the man was believed to be a foreign national.

Amazingly, the FA faxed through a statement saying, ‘We were delighted to debut such an exciting young talent as Danielle Cameron, and we look forward to selecting her for the forthcoming match against Holland. Further, any challenge by Croatia that we had selected an ineligible player would be defended robustly.’

It will be interesting to see if they do pick her again and put their money where their mouth is. Doubtless Jason will do all he can to convince them.