Tragedy of the Spirit Part 22 Hope Eternal

Copyright 2008 Prairie_girl_64

The summer progressed. I felt that my time under psyche care was beneficial in many ways. First off; I was able to get a lot of my feelings within reason sorted out. Secondly; My fears about my relationships with men were drawn to the surface by Sheila. I had a lot of issues that I needed to sort out, those just being a few. Others were of course , school, my ongoing transition, friendships, parents, my running away etc. The later I will deal with at a later time (parents, running).Sheila and I spent a considerable amount of time discussing issues that meant a lot to my overall psyche'. One of them centered around my ongoing transition. I clearly stated I cannot go back to that weak little scared boy whom always was the target of abuse. I told her that Mellissa is here to stay and that I have found a comfort and strength within. I mentioned to her that I was stronger for my attitude and I was not going to be pushed about. She complimente4d me on that part of my personality. I also felt she was being critical of that personality as well. However it was, she respected that I chose the path I was on. I was released 3 weeks and 4 days after being admitted. I was relieved. I promised her tat I would continue to speak to her via phone and by appointment when I need to talk about issues.

I eventually caught up with my missed school assignments I failed to do because of my stupid act. A few weeks later I completed them and prepared for my next fall semester of school. I had completed a complete Grade 9 and partial grade 10 courses. I made myself a continuous promise to complete school as soon as I could. Thanks to Jenn, whom continued to provide the necessary shelter to me. I also continued with my obligation to her for my assistance in living expenses. Jenn was dating and working a fair amount. Her home life was non-existent some nights and weekends. Those times I managed to continue to hit the books and study hard.

September past to October slid into November and before we all knew it we were into December. The holiday scene I avoided with a passion. Jenn went home to her family for each and every holiday. She did invite me as many times as she could. I gratefully declined politely. She seemed to accept that from me. For me holiday's were not very pleasant, I was shut out of the traditional meal by being sent to my room. So the "traditional family" dinner was a hurtful experience for me. I always paid the penalty afterwards with the usual beatings and or rapes. To this very day I prefer to spend each holiday season alone.

Hope shined on me right after the new year. I was asked to attend a function with Sheila at her residence for pre-operative transexuals. I was giddy with joy. I was not exactly why I was invited. I accepted readily of course. The function was February 16th at 7:30 Pm. I was asked to dress semi casual. Well for me semi casual meant short skirt and topm with ym navel showing. I had to ask Jenn for advice and to get something less revealing. I picked out a black knee length dress with long sleeves and gold trim about the neck and sleeves. I could get away with wearing my 2 inch heels with the diamonds on the straps. The day arrived and I went and what a night. I was introduced to several members of the medical community from doctors to psychologists to psychiatrists. To me that was the best night I had. I will say that when I arrived home I had a firm commitment from a qualified psychologist that would see me. His name was Doctor Raight ( pronounced Right). He was a elderly englishman of about 55 or so. We met several weeks after the party. We had a extensive chat and well needless to say that there was at least a bit of hope for me. I told him how long I was in transition as he called it. I mentioned to him my background, my current medical status. he seemed pleased. However, there was a drawback to his demeanor. That was that I needed to live for at least 2 more years a full time female and see him at least 6 more times within the 2 year time frame. I agreed. I had already been living full-time as a female and had acquired ID to state the same ( although illegal ID. It surpassed the closest scrutiny.) I was well on my way according to him to sexual reassignment. he mentioned to me that he had several long conversations with both my doctor and with Sheila. I was happy and kept my fingers crossed that no interference would invade that time frame. I was so wrong.

Several months had passed and I had moved through midterm exams all of which i passed maintaining a B average. I let my guard down and met a guy by the name of Dennis,. He was cute by my standards. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes you could imagine and was very tall. He stood over 6 feet 5 and very muscular. With dark brown hair, he was a sight to see. I made a fatal mistake with him and that was I negated to tell him about me and my past when it came up during conversations. The end result was he beat me pretty badly. I spent a few weeks in hospital and I had him charged with assault.

Summer appraoched then fall appraoched and then finally Summer again and I was going to be free from school. It will be three full years full time school. When it was all over I graduated with a B+ average and made the honor roll. I was impressed. Jenn and I celebrated my graduation with pizza and a small part at her place of work. I began to work at a small convenience store soon after I graduated. The hours were at night( actually graveyard) The 12 hour shift was 11 til 11 and I worked with one other lady. her name was Beth. She was short about 5 feet nothing and dark black hair and green eyes. A wonderful woman to work with. I continually thought and hoped that my life would change for the better and it did for the next few years. During that time I was promoted to assistant manager of the store with Beth and enrolled in University. I definitely had the grades for it. I kept up with my appointments with Sheila and Dr. Raight.

I decided to take in university administration courses. I was loaded down with a full slate. I made a promise that i would do the same as I did for when I was in high school , work hard and study. No party time for me. It worked too as I received my Admin degree in the spring of 1988. Then I chose to study Political Science. I graduated in the spring of 1992 with a full Political Science degree. I was proud of my accomplishments. Jenn had moved away by that time and I had my own place. I paid 150$ a month all utilities included. I traveled by bus to and from work. Beth sold the store and I was out of a job, so I started looking. I eventually found a job in a national chain store doing stocking shelves. That was where I met Jason. Yes Jason whom earlier I mentioned. Well my life would be turned upside down n two ways after this year would be out. To my knowledge i never realized how much my life would change..........

TO BE CONTINUED...

Thanks, I know this alot to digest in this chapter, however it needed to be told. Thanks for your comments and points to improve upon. They are appreciated.