Tragedy of the Spirit part 16 School Continues and B/F maybe?....

Copywrite 2008 Praitie_girl_64

Note : There is a scene in here which is a attempted rape and some violence towards me durring a moment at the end of school. Please do not read if this will disturb you. Thanks

School continued past freshy week as the students dubbed the occassion and luckily for me I never was tagged. The dance went on without a hitch. A sore spot for me was durring the following week.

That week was particularily dull and boreing for me as I spent my previous weekend studing and keeping ahead in all my classes. On the Thursday after classes, My world changed yet again. I was walking home, when I was slammed to the ground by Mitch, he was on the basketball team and the football team. He constantly was giving me the eye. I thought to myself while he was doing this it was harmless flirting, well I was proven so so wrong. I was wearing a very nice jean mini with flowers embroidered on the sides and back pockets as well as a nice soft white short sleeve blouse with ruffles.about the collar. I looked spectacular. Anyhow, Mitch slammed me to the ground and tore off my top leaving my exposed bra and chest open for all those to see and had to cover my mouth from screaming and well he began to hit me with his free hand and rip my skirt off. He weighed 200 pounds easy and I wel, 135 if that. He was the typical jock, short cropped hairstyle, dumb as a box of hammers, that was a insult to the hammers mind you. He kept his full weight on me and continued to pound on my ribs and face. He was swearing at me and calling me a slut and a whore. I knew that all I could hope for was he would end this quick. I do not know much after that, I guess I passed out or something as I was awaoken in the ER at the hospital covered in a blanket and I knew I was beaten and bruised. I started crying. Of course they couldn't get ahold of anyone as I had no one to call. I was left in the ER for what seemed like hours before someone came to look at my injuries. I resorted to be quiet and al teared out.

After I spent the night in The ER I was left to go home. They had to find me clothes to wear as I was in no shape to wear the clothes I had on the day before. I later found out that some senior citezen was turning the corner and saw what was going on and he shooed the Idiot Mitch away and he brought me to the ER. I later found out what his name was and it was Gary. he was in his late 70's. A widower. Kept to himself. He later explained to me that he did not appreciate the clothes I wore, he did kinda understand the circumstances. I had to explain to him that I was not a street person. That this was how I chose to dress as it was comfortable. He agreed with a nod of his head. I had all the information from the admitting desk as to whom had vrought me in. I wrote Gary a long lettter and thanked him. Back at school the following Monday , the rumors were floating about that I had left school to be a exotic dancer and that what happened to me was a figment. Yeah right...bruised face and arms and I could hadly see out of my one eye...Some figment.

Christmas approached and well mid semester exams over, all of which I passed with ease. (no weekend party's for me. Study sessions and homework. Jenn and I spent some time socializing. She ended up getting more shifts and eventually was working more hours than what full time was. They were over 50 per week. She had a few days off mind you and that was when we would talk and shop. It was on one of those social outings of "shop til you drop" that I met Jason. He was the same height as I was ,5'11. He had a stockey build and very nice brown eyes. His hair was short and well styled with a part on the right side. He was good looking to say the least...WOW. Even Jenn by this time was oggling at him. He spent a majority of his time with us that day. Then asked for my number I explained to him that it was Jenn's number and that if he gave me his I would call him. Well He accepted that and gave me his number. I called him two nights later and asked him if we could go for tea. he readily accepted. We made plans for the K Family restraunt. That restraunt is 9 blocks away from where Jenn and I resided. The date was for 7. And I asked Jenn if she would come along and sit away from us and keep a eye out for anything. I guess I was so paranoid of more abuse and even a attack. I needed some added security. Jenn said not a problem.

THE DATE:

I arrived very early, like 30 minutes. I spotted Jason quickly and waved him over. The window booth was easiest. it weas close to the entrance if I needed to leave quickly enuff if my instincts kicked in and I was being threatened. We greeted each other. I said "HI" he Replied "Hey". The conversation was pretty boreing, to say the least. He asked me how old I was upon I told him and then I asked him his age. His reply was "18", he explained to me that he just graduated that past june and was looking foreward to the University. He then asked me about my background. Complete honesty here and disclosure.

Me: " Jason, I was a abused child from a loveless family, they abused me and when it got too much I left at 15 and I have had to survive on the streets until I saw four of my 'coworkers" shot and killed. I came back here to decide what I wanted to do and I decided to go to school and change my life to the better." I continued, " Jason, I was a prsotitute and I needed to protect myself from further abuse from my parents, that is why I ran away. please listen and I will explain further if you are willing to listen?" He had a shocked look and very wide eyed look. He Said " Mellissa, what ever you tell me i will listen, I do not nor wil I interupt you till you have explained what you need too." I Said "Thank you".

I went on to explain to him the conditions I lived in while on the streets, the abuse I saw and endurred. The strength I somehow gained from all that abuse. he only nodded. I continued to explain to him my relationship with Jenn and how she became my supporter and my SISTER. I glanced over and saw Jenn walk in with 5 girls and winked at me. Jasone never looked nor saw them arrive.

He went on to ask me what my palns were for the holidays and I just explained to him it was going to quiet, and I was going to study. He had a quizical look on his face. I said, " jason, there is a reason why I need to stufy, you see I made a promise that I would finish school and see where I wanted to go from there." I continued, " I need to complete this as quickly as I can as I feel that if I do not I will continue to feel like I failed."

Jason: " why would you feel that?"

Me: " I would, because it was beaten into me that I would not ammount to anything, I was useless, no good, a complete failure as a SON"

Jason: " A SON, YOU CANNOT BE A BOY?" He had raised his voice at that comment.

Me: " Trust me jason under my jeans and tank top and jean jacket, I am a boy, I amy not look like one with what I am wearing, but I am under it all."

Jason: " How? Why? Is that even posible?"

Me: " Yes, Jason it is posible, hormeones, and a lot of work, hardly eating and kept in shape with walking the streets for 18 hours or more a day."

Jason: " I can bet, but you look so normal."

Laughing I said " NORMAL, yeah right, your definition of that would be what? Growing up with the perfect family, loving mom and dad, sister or brother perhaps? Getting a good education versus being beaten up every day and raped every night. I call what you had NORMAL compared to me life."

Jason: " I just do not get it, I do not understand, I guess you have had to do what you needed to do."

Me: " YUP, It was either run or stay and die, and if I stayed I knew it would not be too much longer that either my "FATHER" OR "BROTHER" WOULD Kill ME, or I would take my own life. and Jason I came close on more than ONE occassion." I continued " I may not have had the ideal nor perfect life as you see it, however I have street smarts and that will do me just fine, now I want to get some form of education because I do not want to have a grade 8 education and be a failure. I want to shove this so far up my parents asses and those assholes that said I was fucking crazy, so yes JASON I WILL FINISH SCHOOL." I went on " Jason, if you like what you see then fine, if you do not that is fine too, I acccept that, I have always accepted the shity things in life, however if you want to be my freind that is okay as well adn I accept that, if not that is quite fine as well, because I have set myself up in a nice little routine adn well, i want to keep it that way."

He was stunned and stated " Mellissa, I wuld like to be your freind, however I am just not sure of your attutude."

I was so stunned and seeting at this point, shit! I was thinking what a fucking prick.

Me: " ATTITUDE, Fuck JASON you have no idea what kinda of attitude I have yet, I am a nice person, sure I have faults, sure I have been on the otherside of what is called "normal" as you so kindly placed it, That I have a lot of fucking regrets for what I did, I cannot take them away, nor will I. If you want to be my freind fine, if not that is fucking okay with me as well. I will not change myself for you or anyone for that fucking matter, what you see is what you fucking get, handle it, if you want too." I jsut got up and left. I stormed out of the restraunt, thinking,l'fuck, what a asshole, and I tought he was cute and nice enuff to get to know..oh well'. I walked home very quickly.

Several hours later jenn arrived home and was not ammused with what went on at the restraunt, however she could understand it. She told me that she had talked to Jason after I stromed out and left him stunned and in shock.

Jenn: " You left in a hurry, I had to try and contain Jason to talk with him a bit."

Me: " Yah, So he is a asshole, he couldn't accept what I told him, Jenn, You know I have to honest and upfront with people I meet, jsut too fucking bad that they have to hide there pompous attitudes and bullshit there way to try and understand." I continued " Jenn you know me, you know the shit I went through, should I have to continue with this on a ongoing fucking basis, can I not be entitled to some freinds and some support, some allies out side of you? Is that way to much to ask?"

Jenn: " No, it is not oo much to ask. What you ahve to try and understand that JASON WAS TRYING TOO UNDERSTAND AND LISTEN AND YOU LITTERLATY FUCKING EXPLODED ON HIM,LIKE THE BITCH YOU ARE AND CAN BE IF THINGS DO NOT SEEM TO BE RIGHT."

I was shocked and stunned here as my best freind in the whole world, the one I loved as a sister went off on me like a bomb.

Me: " Sorry Jenn, But I cannot take the shit from assholes that pretend to be not real, and in my opinion and assumption he was not being real when we talked nor when I was explaining my life as honestly as I needed to, full disclosure. You and I talked about that when I came off the streets. I know in my heart I was right and I had every right to defend a assault of ignorance, which I felt he had towards me and my choice of lifestlye then and probaly holds it against me after our conversation tonight...RIGHT?"

Jenn: " None in the least you little bitch, he was generally concerned for you and wanted to understand what you had to say and YOU never gave him the chance to get a word in edgewise, YOU dropped alot on him and never gave him a oppertunity to speak nor respond, YOU bitched him out like he was your DAMNED "FATHER", HE is not, he showed some concern after you left and truth be told her MISSY, HE FUCKING DOES WANT to SEE YOU AGAIN AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND MORE." She went on, " YOU HAVE TO GET OVER YOURSELF AND YOUR ATTITUDE WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO TRY AND BE YOUR FREIND."

Me: " How" I broke down and cried at this point and I so remember that conversation we had after that fist meeting with Jason. I was a bitch, maybe if that oppertunity was to happen again and I was a bit less hostile, maybe things would have turned out a bit better from the date.

Jenn: " All you can do is see what happens and drop the attitude and let him try and ask questions and you provide that understanding." She went on " Mellissa, You have been through hell and back, I have seen the changes in you, from the meek, abused, scared, frightened littel girl.I accepted you as is to what I see now.I may not fully understand it all and probably never will, but, I will always be there for you. I can ask you to take it easy on him, but I can only ask. What you do is your doing and business. I would love to see you have something that would mean alot more to you than just abuse. Something meaningful, to have someone give you a chance and let you break your attitude of being the bitch." She went on " FUCK Mellissa, you cannot go on hating every male in the world for what your "FATHER" AND "BROTHER" did to you, it was there fault, not JASON'S, He never caused you that pain, THEY DID, NOT HIM. He wants to try and give you a chance at some happiness and you threw it in his face. If I was a guy I would walk away and never want to speak to you. I love you Mel, you are loving and kind and yet you are so hard edged and hate everything arround you that you wil not give anyone the chance to see the REAL YOU."

I was so shocked at this burst from Jenn that all I could do was Nod and sputter out a "Thank you and I needed my ass kicked." I went to bed and cried, I knew I needed to contemplate and to see what I had to change if any.

Several weeks had passed . In Februrary, Jason caled jenns, I guess she must have given him her number. She called me when the phone rang and she had answered it. I was very much apprehensive about talking to him. I picked up the reciever off the table and said "Hello" he replied by saying "Hey, can we maybe start over and ge out to a coffee shop and talk."

I replied "sure, when?"

His reply was " in a hour and he would pick me up at Jenn's." I swear the color drained from my face when he said that and jenn spotted the color change immediately. All she did do was give me the thumbs up and whisper ' Go on , it will be ok, you have to start trusting'. All the while I am thinking ' yeah rifght, when hell freezes over'.

I told him I would be ready, and I also told him i was very nervous doing this as I never went out on a coffee date nor get into a vehicle with a guy unless it was my "tricks". There was silence and a laugh, and said he would see me soon and the line went dead. All I could think of was , 'What the fuck just happened, here and why was I doing this and I even accepeted this ride and offer of coffee'. I was certainly done fore at least in my mind. I noticed Jenn give a smile and sasid "GO, it will nort kill you."

I went and was nervous the whole time and was very much on edge. I will not bore you with all the details, I will say that we reached a kinda compromise, he would listen to me and what I had to say and I promised that I would not be such a bitch and explain things more clearly to him. The end result was I eventually was able to open up a bit more and not blame him for what had happened to me in my past. I still tend to dwell on that, however that is part of who I am at this point. My Phsychie and my slate were severely scared and written on growing up where trust and honesty from a male was non existant. I saw them as a threat, not as freinds. I saw them as a predator and I was there prey. I still hold alot of annimosity towards men, in time I might get it right where I do not blame them for my past but to accept them as freinds and not enemies. Life went on in high school with many more up's and down's........

TO BE CONTINUED

please feel free to comment and leave points to improve on. Thanks for reading. I appreciate your comments.