TRAGEDY OF THE SPIRIT PART 32

AFTERMATH

 ©2008 PRAIRIE_GIRL_64

The long trial over, life as I new it continued. Slowly, as it seemed, my days became routine, there was the same gossip in the PT room and with the same therapists. In my head I was not getting back to routine. Sure one might say that ‘well she is healing’. The truth is told, that yes my body may be healing, my emotions and my psyche’ were severely damaged. I wished that I would be nightmare free, this was not to be and I gave the nurses at the rehabilitation center a heart attack on more than one occasion.

They would start out the same, Jason and me causally talking and then they would erupt into his assault on me. Then I would wake up screaming. Eventually I hoped that they would end. I had to pin some kind of hope in this. Shit I survived that assholes brutal assault on me and rape too. It must get back to normal? Would it? In the following month I was visited by Angela and on a few occasions Melanie, she moved from the residence under me. I knew I would have to find a new place. That was one of my priorities afterwards. The aftermath of all this placed me in the delicate and fragile column. I was snippy and sarcastic. I had a few visits by Sheila as well and we talked a significant amount. I also had physicians from the mental health society and from the woman’s center, to council me on dealing with this traumatic event.

38 days later I was well enough to be released and start fresh as they say. I had to find a temporary place to live so I went to the YWCA and was given a room. I had to find a job which was next on my priority list. Social assistance was the present order for the day. I maintained counselling and individual sessions with both Sheila and Pat at the Women’s center. My many trips to the psychologists were long and very exhausting. With Sheila and Pat they were good sessions. Each were 2 hours and they were some help. In December I joined a support group and continued with them for 7 months. I had found a job working in a convenience store working night shift (4 pm til 12 Am). The pay was good , not great however it put some food on my plate. I still had many scars and walked with crutches for several months after my release.

Life was very complicated as I became despondent and depressed on many occasions and I eventually gave up and quit my job at the store. I was diagnosed with PTSD and I still suffer with it today. Many years after the fact. I eventually found a steady job and pay check; I ended up with a major retail chain stocking shelves from 11 pm to 8 am. I really enjoy doing that job, I worked mainly by myself. The personnel manager and the night time supervisor were well aware of my struggles and they paired me up with a few other ladies or left me alone. I was given my instructions in notes left in my mailbox. I loved it, I found a small one room apartment 4 months later and moved my meagre belongings in. They consisted of a radio and a mattress and some clothes that were placed in storage for me by both Jenn and Melanie, while the trial was going on. Also some glasses and silverware and plates too. Life rolled on and I maintained a very shy existence at work and my social life diminished to next to nothing. I resorted to immerse myself in books and music. I gathered a lot of LP’s and cassettes. Bands like Journey, Led Zeppelin, Rush, April Wine, Harlequin, Te Stones, the Who, Black Sabbath, AC/DC. Books like authors, Patterson, King, and Follett. I wondered often what my life was going to be like. I wondered if things would be the same. Where the things I had experienced before return? Were those things from my past continue? I had no idea. I knew I had to try and live as best I could. Yeah, right, I seriously began to question everything. I took a night course on Human Resources. I enrolled and passed. My life would once again change dramatically in June of 1997. This event would upset the balance of how I was to live.

TO BE CONTINUED…..