TRAGEDY OF THE SPIRIT PART 15 JENN S

I met Jenn in the fall of 1970, I had just turned 6 then at was at a 4H informational session with my "mother". I had begged her to take me as it was something I knew I was interested. Being raised on the farm, horses were a huge part of that. Jenn,being three years older than I was was nice. She introduced herself to me and my "mother". I knew i could trust her, she just had that sense about her. Jenn was 4'11 then and very lythe, she had long dark brown hair. Her appearance was beautiful. I enrolled in the program that was offered. The forst meeting was the following wednesday at 7 in the town hall.

There were 10 students when all was said and done and all of them I knew. They went to the same country school and some were in my classes. Jenn took me under her wing as their were 5 intructors so that meant 2 students per intructor. I thought very cool. I was very shy and it showed in my demeanor. I was also a studious individual that was eager to learn and Jenn was that eager to teach us. I had always fancied horses . they are graceful and very peaceful animals. They seem to know the person with how that person interacts with them. This became my strongest trait with working with horses.

We were taught all sorts of trades and encompassing each of those in our lives. The training for specific traits began in a indoor arena thee weeks later. We were all given horses to work with. we had to know them and let them know us. I was very gentle and I beleive Jenn Knew that I had a special gift working with them. Jenn, taught me all about barrel racing, the techniques the skill and strategy. I excelled at that over the course of the years with my involvement with 4H.

Jenn lived about 4 miles from where I lived. I eventually confided in her of the goings on in my household. She was shocked and dismayed at the level of what I told her. She assured me that I could talk to her when ever I needed that. Beleive me I did call upon her for comforting. I was just finishing up my grade 7 year when I was told that Jenn was moving into the city.I was sad. I was also glad that she was going to go to the city and be somebody there and get away from the country lifestyle.

I had maintained a letter correspondence with her while she was in the city and attending school. we grew close like sisters. She knew of my issues with my partents and my forced situation with crossdressing and sexual intercourse with my "father" and eventuality with my "brother". She was sickened. When I left home that early morning in May. she was the first to come to my aid and care. I would have wished that I could have gone with her when she did. I contacted her and many conversations we had, was a blessing and I miss her to this day.

I can only describe Jenn in a few ways. Kind, considerate, my sister, my freind, my source for some strength. Her spirit was and still exists today in me. Her support and love guided me to where I sit today with myself. Spiritually I grew knowing this kind and gentle soul. Her ability to let me find myself was a great help to me. It allowed me to grow, mature. Sure you say, I was not mature in a the broadest sense, however in other ways I was more mature than most kids my age and even some adults. At times I wondered if I was more mature than Jenn was when I came back into her life after my experience with seeing death. She never said it tho, I jst wonder if she thought it. I never asked her nor proded her of what she thought of me. She gave me respect, love that only sisters can show sisters.

I stayed in contact with her long after I graduated from high school. She had moved east to attend a prestigeous college and began her career in teaching there. It was the saddest news any one could ever hear when I knew of her death. I was shocked to the core. Here my best freind, sister, confidant, my strength for going on had passed away. I never knew that she alone had some severe health concerns after she moved east. She developed breast Cancer and it took her slowly. I found out with contacting her mom long after the funeral that I did attend and believe me I cried all through it. Today when I travel to the place where she is laid to rest I lay roses at her stone. I pray that that she would come back to me. I know she cannot physically, however her spirit lives in me with everything I do now and will continue to do. Her gentle soul, her spirit, her life, her freindship, her companionship, her love, her protection when I need it most, she was there. She was more like my mother and I respected her and loved it. She was more my parent than my actual "parents" were. Jenn gave me so much and I in turn now can give back.

I love you Jenn, God Bless you, My spirit carries on through your gift.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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