Previously…

‘Night honey, don’t worry, Daddy will come through. He’s a sweetie.’

I wasn’t so sure. Dad could be very ruthless where business is concerned, otherwise he wouldn’t have got where he was. I hoped that I would get his cuddly side rather than his nasty side when he found out about what was happening to me. My breasts felt quite sore and ticklish and I had aches and pains through out body as I struggled to get some sleep. I felt a sharp pain in my groin and when I felt down there, my penis seemed even smaller than before and search as I might, I couldn’t find my testicles in the scrotal sac.

How was I going to explain all this to Dad and what about the doctors? I was pretty sure that vanishing boy bits were not considered normal even for an apparent intersexed kid.

And now the story continues…

‘Wake up, sleepy head.’

Having a sister that was inside your head was not all it was cracked up to be. My eyes opened and then closed immediately. It was very bright in the bedroom.

‘Who pulled the curtains back?’ I croaked.

‘I did while you were asleep. ’

‘I didn’t wake up.’

‘No, that was cool. You are such a deep sleep, I sort of took over and verla.’

‘You mean voilà.’

‘That’s what I said.’

‘No you didn’t…oh never mind. I hope that you didn’t do anything else while I was asleep, like doing fifty laps of the pool or eat several pizza’s.’

‘Now would I do that?’

‘Probably, given the chance. You won’t do anything silly when I’m asleep, promise?’

‘I promise. As I say though, it seems like when I take over, you don’t wake up, cool or what?’

‘Or what.’ I replied sitting up and scratching a nipple.

My breasts had grown larger, not enormous; I was only thirteen after all. But they were definitely pronounced now. The last thing I wanted were breasts out of proportion to my body. I had read far too many trans stories where the authors seemed to like fantasising over huge breasts. Any real girl, I would have thought, would hate to have Dolly Parton type breasts to have to deal with, but I suppose there’s no accounting for taste…

My hand then went under my nightie to feel if I had any changes down below. I didn’t want to look, for some reason.

I ferreted around for a moment and then found my penis. It was so small, I nearly missed it! My scrotal sac had shrunk and just seemed like folds of loose skin now. I would look later, when I felt strong enough.

‘Its nearly all gone, hasn’t it.’

‘Yes, have you looked already?’

‘I sort of peeked while you were asleep, I wasn’t being pervy or anything, I was just, sort of erm, interested and after all, as you said this is our body now.’

‘Hmm, anyway, what do we tell Dad when he comes home?’

‘We tell him a version of the truth, the same as we told Julia. We can’t do anything else.’

‘I suppose. I wonder what time Dad will get here?’

‘Julia said that it will be this morning, so shall we wear a ball gown, slap on some lippy and shock him?’

‘Not a good idea; let me tell him first about what’s been happening and then we’ll take it from there.’

I was a bit late down for breakfast and kitchen was empty, which was good as I wasn’t in a conversational mood and Brenda, our lovely chief cook and bottle washer could chat for England. Hannah was quiet too and I sensed that she was worried about what Dad’s reaction might be. I had put on a loose t-shirt and crop shorts that were marginally male in style, but not overly so. Under the t-shirt I had put on a rather tight sports bra. I was a bit concerned about whether it could be seen but on inspection, it seemed invisible.

As I ate my cornflakes, I wondered for the thousandth time what my dad would say when I told him what was happening. Would he hate me for not being the boy he thought I was? And, what about my weird medical symptoms?

I loved my dad, would he now love me?

‘Hey, enough of the negative thoughts already. You are beginning to depress even me.’

‘I knew that it was too quiet. Where have you been?’

‘Don’t know. I sort of zoned out for a while. I think I had a nap or something. I seem to recall a dream with Mummy and Daddy in it. Weird or what?’

‘I thought you slept when I did.’

‘So did I, but I don’t make the rules. I am as ignorant as you are about all this.’

I sat there for a while longer, drinking my tea and staring at the clock every ten seconds, or so it seemed.

Julia came in.

‘Hi Sophie.’

‘Hi. Any news about Dad?’

‘He’s coming into Exeter International on one of the company jets in about an hour’s time. He will fly the chopper down from there. He should be home in a couple of hours, I should think.’

I sighed. I didn’t like the thought of waiting. It was a bit like going to the dentists, the sooner it’s done the sooner its over.

I couldn’t just sit there, twiddling my thumbs; I had to do something.

‘I’m going for a bike ride, coming?’

‘Eh, what? I hate bike rides, lets go for a swim.’

Ignoring the nagging going on in my head, I looked at Julia expectantly.

‘Oh, all right, I’ll go and get changed. Meet you at the garage in fifteen minutes?’

‘Okay.’

I ran up to my room, conscious, more than ever that my breasts were swaying about slightly even under the tight embrace of my sports bra.

‘Swimming would be better. Its good for you and doesn’t put a strain on our joints.’

As I changed into my cycling kit, I tried to get Hannah more enthusiastic about it.

‘Look Hannah; I love cycling. I’m good at it and every time I go out I feel better. With swimming, all I get is water going up my nose and in my ears and then there is a distinct possibility of drowning. You can’t drown when you are cycling.’

‘Yes you can if you fall into a river and then there are those mad drivers who either hit you or come so close that you can get knocked off your bike with the draught.’

‘Sorry Hannah I love my cycling and it helps me, a lot. I tell you what, we’ll go swimming as many times as we go cycling. You know I hate it as much as you hate my sport, but we have to compromise here.’

‘Can I have that in writing?’

‘What, about me hating swimming?’

‘No, silly, that we will swim as much as we cycle.’

‘Don’t you trust me?’

‘Nope!’

As soon as I got in the saddle and we were going up a steepish hill, I nearly forgot our troubles and started to relax – mentally that is. I defy anyone to relax when cycling up a steep Cornish hill.

I could hear the complaints in my head and I tried to ignore them. Once we had reached the top, with me being in smug mode as, for once, I had beaten Julia to the top, I spoke to Hannah.

‘Look Hannah, can’t you just switch off or go somewhere in our brain and shut the door and let me get on with it? I could do the same when we’re swimming, if that’s possible?’

‘Maybe, we should try to do something when we are alone, in bed or something. Remember, I was able to control our body when you were asleep and you didn’t even know that our eyes were open, by the way, you snore!’

‘I do so don’t!’

‘Is that correct English?’

‘I don’t know or care. I do not snore.’

‘How do you know, you’re asleep?’

‘That’s beside the point.’

‘Are you okay Sophie?’

I looked up to see that Julia had caught me up. As it was a quiet road we were now riding two abreast.

‘Erm, yes, I was just thinking about my dad and what he’ll say. Thanks for calling me Sophie. It means a lot to me.’

‘To be honest, you look more like a Sophie than a George and if I think about it, you have for a long time, only I didn’t realise it. Lets face it, your erm, breasts are a wee bit noticeable now, even though they are compressed. That’s the problem with tight polyester and lycra fabrics; they show every lump, bump and curve. Now don’t worry about your father. If I am any judge of character, he will love you as his child, no matter what gender you are.’

‘Are you sure you haven’t hinted about what is happening to me?’

‘No, I haven’t. If your life was in danger or if I had concerns for your safety, then I would have been obliged to tell him. He told me when I took on this assignment, that I was to respect your privacy and not tell him anything that he didn’t really need to know.’

‘That’s a strange thing to say.’

‘I think that he did not want to be seen as prying. I had to tell him that I had some concerns about you though and that is why he is coming home. I think that even if he had important business to attend to, he would still have come home. He thinks the world of you and I am sure that you are the most important person in his life.

‘Aww, isn’t that sweet.’

‘Shush, Hannah, you’ll give the game away.’

‘Spoil sport!’

‘We had better get back, your dad will be arriving soon.’

‘Okay Julia, race you to the house!’

‘Oh hell!’

‘Do shut up moaning, Hannah.’

Snot fair!

We did race back and this time, Julia beat me. I think that my mind was a bit distracted. Well that’s my excuse, anyway.

Soon I was back in my room, having a shower and wondering what to wear. Hannah was no help.

‘I still think that you should wear a dress. Start as you mean to go on.’

‘I don’t want to give him a heart attack.’

‘He’s as strong as an Ox.’

‘This isn’t up for discussion. Look, let me do this my way.’

‘If you say so,’

‘Now don’t get all huffy on me. He will know soon enough. It’s going to be a shock for him to learn that his son is in fact his daughter. Let’s take it slowly and then see how he reacts.’

‘Okay, you’re the boss.’

‘Am I? I sometimes wonder. Look, this is hard; please just be helpful and supportive and give me some mental hugs, if I need them.’

‘Like this?’

I felt a warm glow go through me and a feeling of a gentle hug. I don’t know how she did it, but it definitely worked for me!

‘Wow, this is nice!’

‘Mmm, like, well cool; I just imagined that I was standing in front of you and that I could put my arms around you. It feels nice, doesn’t it?’

‘Mmm, we must do this often. It’s addictive. It’s a pity I can’t do the same for you.’

‘That’s okay. I can feel your lurve,’

‘Ooh, a Kodak moment!’

‘Silly cow.’

We both giggled.

After my shower, I put on the same t-shirt and crop trousers that I had on before my bike ride. I really didn’t want to give my dad a heart attack before I had a chance to explain myself. Mind you, the clean sports bra that I was wearing was like the others; getting more than a little bit uncomfortable, as they were all the same size and getting tighter and tighter as my breasts continued to grow.

‘Remember, you’re wearing one of my old sports bras; it was small for me before I left for school the last time. You need to order some more.’

‘I will, if I manage to live through the next hour.’

‘Don’t be such a drama queen.’

Just then I heard the sound of a helicopter. I went over to the window and saw it flying over the house. It was Dad’s; he flew it himself. He had a private pilots licence for helicopters and airplanes.

‘Well, here we go.’

I felt reluctant to go and greet him. I was so scared as to what he might say or do. But he was my father and it would be better if it all came from me rather than anyone else.

‘Hannah, please let me do this for myself. If you interrupt me, I might not get through this.’

‘I won’t say a thing.’

‘Good.’

‘Not a word shall pass my lips; although I haven’t got lips; well I have, if you count on the fact that I’m sharing yours, sort of.’

‘Hann…’

‘There is no way I would put you off your stride…’

‘Hanna…’

‘I will be as silent as the grave, which is a creepy thing to say, but I say silly things when I’m nervous…’

‘HANNAH!’

‘Hey, what? You don’t have to shout, you’ll give us a headache.’

‘Please keep quiet. This is hard enough without you wittering on.’

‘I do not witter, I have never wittered; but I will keep quiet and let you handle it.’ there was a pause. ‘Good luck Sis.’

‘Thanks.’ I replied.

I walked down the stairs through the kitchen, saying, ‘hi,’ to Brenda who was bashing some dough into submission and then went out onto the lawn.

The rotor blades were still turning and I could see Dad through the window. Phillip, his PA was sitting next to him. Phillip was with Dad more than I was lately and I felt a pang of jealousy that was not very fair, as I liked Phillip, he was almost like an uncle to me.

Dad saw me and waved and I waved back.

A few moments later, leaving Phillip behind, he jumped out of the helicopter and swiftly came over to me.

‘Hi George, how are you mate?’

He gave me a hug and that was nice.

‘Fine Dad; thanks for the quad bike.’

‘No problem Son; we’ll have a go later shall we?’

‘Okay, that will be great.’

‘Come on then. Lets go and grab a drink then we can talk. Goodness, your hair has grown; we’ll have to get you to the barbers or something.’

‘Erm yea, right.’

With his arm around my shoulder we went inside and then into the kitchen.

‘Hi Brenda, how are you?’

‘Fine thank you; did you have a good trip?’

‘Great, I think that the new stuff is going to be a hit.’

‘That’s nice dear.’

Brenda was noted for her lack of anything technical unless it was in the kitchen, where she used all the latest gismos available. It was generally believed that her mobile phone ran on gas.

Dad poured some coffee from the perc and I grabbed a diet, caffeine free coke from the fridge.

Soon we were sitting in the large sun lounge, which had nice views over the garden and down to the sea. This was another favourite room in the house for me, but my thoughts were more on what I was going to say to Dad rather than where we were at present.

Dad looked tanned and healthy; he always did. He was a fitness freak and went running whenever he could; there’s no accounting for taste...

‘How was the launch Dad?’

‘It went very well. All the reviewers liked the tablet and watch combo and there’s a lot of interest, especially in the States. And China. However, I’m more concerned about you.’

Just like Dad not to waste time with small talk. I knew him so well; he didn’t mince his words even when it was a family matter.

‘Julia has spoken to you?’

‘Yes, well you knew that because she’s told you already. Come on George, what’s all this about? Julia said that she didn’t feel that it was for her to say anything but expects you to come clean.’

I looked down at my bare feet; I didn’t like wearing shoes in the house and slippers are for old people unless they…

‘George?’

I looked up at him.

‘Sorry Dad.’

This was it. The time when I was go tell him my secret. A secret that I had kept from my parents for as long as I could remember.

I could feel my heart thumping and I was sure that he could hear it. I came out into a sweat and my chin began to wobble. A tear slipped down my face and then another until I just broke down.

I could somehow feel Hannah giving me one of her metal hugs. She had kept her promise and not said anything to distract me, but I could sense her love and support for me.

Then I felt Dad sitting next to me and I was in his strong arms as I cried my eyes out.

‘George, what is it Son? I have to know. I need to help you. Whatever it is, I promise that I won’t be angry. Come on now, dry your tears; please, I hate to see you like this.’

Somehow, I got back some control over my emotions. The tears had helped and it was if a safety valve had been released.

I was resting my head on his chest and making his shirt wet with my tears. I didn’t care about that or anything else; I just had to tell him now, while I still had the courage.

‘I…I…I’m not a boy.’

There was a pause.

‘Well, technically you are, but you will soon be a man…’

I sat up and faced him. Then it all came out, the words tumbling over each other as I tried to explain.

‘Dad, I mean it. I am not a boy; I am a girl. I have been a girl inside for as long as I can think of. Hannah and I used to swop clothes a lot and we fooled you and Mum. I’ve always believed that I was a girl. I know that you think that I’m a boy but I’m not and never have been and now things have happened that shows that I’m a girl both inside and out. I have been wearing girl’s clothes in private and when I thought that I could get away with it for years. Its not the clothes though, I just felt inside that I am a girl and now things have happened…’

He looked at me strangely.

‘You must have thought that your mum and I were idiots.’ He interrupted.

‘Sorry?’ I sniffed.

‘We have known for years that you and Hannah swapped roles. Do you think that parents don’t know their children?’

‘Y…you never said anything.’

‘No, we didn’t. We thought that it was a phase that you were both going through, but it was obvious after a few years that it was more than just a phase, especially for you. We could tell that Hannah was playing at being a boy. She was so girlie that she could never quite be as good a boy as you were as a girl. You have always been a little, erm effeminate. We thought when you went away to boarding school, then as you would be around boys all the time, you would change, but judging by the reports we received, you haven’t really.’

‘Reports?’

‘Yes, do you think that we would have sent you away to school without having some sort of report system to let us know how you were getting on?’

All the time we had been talking, I could sense that Hannah was dying to say something to me. But Hannah was big on keeping promises and she didn’t butt in once. I expected to have plenty of verbal bashing later, but at least for now I could concentrate on the things my father was saying to me.

‘I suppose not.’

He looked at me, compassion written all over his face.

‘So, you think that you are a girl and it isn’t something that you will grow out of?’

‘No.’

‘You are still very young; too young to make a rational decision.’

This was it; crunch time.

‘Dad, when I said that I was a girl, I meant it, I am a girl not only in my head but, m…my body is changing.’

He looked at me sharply.

‘What do you mean?’

I stood up and faced him and then I slipped off my t-shirt and then the sports bra.

He went pale and I thought for a moment that he was going to faint. It wasn’t every day that your thirteen year old child showed off his, or maybe more accurately, her breasts.

‘H…how?’

‘I don’t know, they started to grow a little while ago and before you ask, I haven’t been taking any drugs. Erm, also, I…my erm, testicles have gone and my penis is…has nearly disappeared too.’

‘That can’t be…’

This was my father before me and he had seen me naked before, when I was little. He had done the caring father bit and had changed my nappies and he had also seen me a few other times on the beach as I grew older and still at the stage when I was not so shy of my body.

He had to see and had to know what I was talking about.

Without over- thinking it and before I lost my courage, I dropped my cropped trousers and panties and then he could see for himself.

He averted his eyes.

‘Look Dad; please.’

He took a deep breath and did just that, his eyes opening wide with shock at what he saw.

‘Jesus,’ he said, ‘you swear to me that you haven’t been taking anything?’

‘I said so already.’ I sniffed in reply.

‘Please put your clothes back on.’

He stood by the window looking out as I re-dressed myself. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I just hoped that he wouldn’t reject me. I had enough pain in my life and if that happened, I just didn’t know what I would do.

I put my t-shirt back on but didn’t bother with the bra. The days were gone now, that I would ever try to hide my breasts or rather, wear ill-fitting bras.

I looked at his back and then, hesitantly, went over and hugged him from behind.

Dad, d…do you hate me?’

He turned around and then gathered me up in a fierce embrace that drove the breath from my body.

‘Don’t ever say that. I love you more than life itself. We will get you looked at medically. We need to know what is going on inside your body. You are a girl and that is that. The sooner we sort this out then the sooner we can get on with our lives. We have lost your mum and Hannah and it’s only us now. We will stick together to get through this and I will do anything to make you happy and if that means you being a girl, then that is what you will be.’

We sat down again and had another hug as we both cried. I would have loved to have told him about Hannah, but I couldn’t; it would have been too cruel, even if he did believe me. Some day I might tell him, but these were the first steps on a long journey and any further revelations would have to wait.

After a while, we both managed to get our emotions in check and then Dad got all efficient and business like.

‘Right, lets start getting things sorted. First, you need to be checked out by a gender specialist. In the past, when we thought that you had issues, we consulted the best in the business. She’s the top doctor in her field and will know what to do. She advised us at the time to wait and see. She felt that you had to approach us about your problems. Then Mum and Hannah died and everything went a bit mad there for a while. I assume that Julia knows about your dressing and other things?’

I nodded.

‘Well, she knows about my breasts, but I couldn’t say anything about down below; I was embarrassed and didn’t want her to think that I was some sort of freak.’

‘You are not a freak. You have medical issues that will be sorted. Now, do you want to stay as George at the moment or be Sophie?’

‘Sophie,’ I replied without even thinking, then I twigged, ‘How did you know my name?’

‘Lets just say that you were more closely observed than you thought you were, for your own good.’

‘Did Julia know that you knew about my dressing as a girl?’

‘No, it would not have been fair to you. She never told me of her specific concerns about you either and I respect that, as I wanted you to be able to trust her. I wanted you and her to be friends, especially after Marie and Hannah got killed. Look honey, would you like to go and get dressed – as Sophie?’

‘What will everyone think?’

‘If you are shy, ring me on the intercom, I’ll be in my office, and I’ll come up and then we can talk some more and decide what you want to do.’

‘Okay, if you really want me to Dad.’

‘Sophie do you remember when you started calling me Dad?’

‘Yes; you said that big boys called their father Dad rather than Daddy. That hurt a bit because I wasn’t your big boy; I was your little girl and I couldn’t say anything. I was so jealous of Hannah because she always called you “Daddy” and Mum “Mummy”, its a a small thing but it mattered a lot to me,’

‘I said that because I was concerned that you were too effeminate and I thought that you calling me Dad and your mother Mum might help you to be more masculine and also I was testing you to see if this dressing as a girl was just a fad. I shouldn’t have done that. Just like the quad bike thing and getting you presents that were definitely aimed at boys rather than girls. I would love it if you would call me Daddy again, unless you felt that it was silly and you are too old for that.’

‘Oh Daddy!’

It was another big hug moment.

I pulled away and looked at him; his eyes were red. I had never seen him like this. He normally kept his emotions in check.

‘Can you give me twenty minutes?’

‘Is that twenty girl minutes or normal minutes?’

‘Silly Daddy!’

Soon I was up in my room and a nanosecond later, Hannah began talking.

‘Wow, that went well. Fancy him knowing about our gender swapping? I told you that he would be good about it; isn’t he such a sweetie? What are we going to wear?’

After much haggling, we decided on a simple lemon sundress. First I put on a strapless bra, an impulse buy that I had been a little large when I had bought it, but now fitted nicely. It came with matching panties, which, like the bra, fitted better than before. I was in urgent need of a shopping trip to stock up on more clothes and undies plus a few other nice things, as a girl can’t have enough clothes and shoes.

Once dressed, I decided that a little makeup would not be a bad idea. I wasn’t the type of girl to slap on lots of layers, as I believed in the more is less principal and although I say so myself, I have nice clear skin. So laying it on with a trowel was not necessary.

My hair, as my father had noted, was now quite long and very full after the weird changes to my body. I brushed it until it shone and promised myself that I would have to visit a salon.

‘That’s a cool idea, then we can have a facial, pedicure and manicure and…’

‘I thought that you couldn’t hear my inner thoughts.’

‘That wasn’t an inner thought, you practically shouted it.’

‘Hmm; anyway, how do we look?’

‘Cool.’

‘Is everything nice, cool to you?’

‘No, sometimes its well brill and hot.’

I groaned. If all this teen girl speak was catching, I would start talking like that, ‘ye know what I mean like, cool?’

‘You’re getting in the swing of things Sister Dear.’

I groaned.

Anyone want a live-in-the-head type sister, going cheap?

‘Only birds go cheap, and anyway, I’m quite expensive, I have you know.’

‘Will you please stop this spying on my inner thoughts thingie?’

‘Who me?’

I sighed.

When we were perfectly satisfied with my or rather our look, I slipped on some white sandals and then called Daddy on the internal phone.

‘I’m ready Daddy.’

‘Okay, I’ll be up in a sec.’

After a final look at my reflection in the mirror and liking what I saw, I went out into the lounge area, walked over and unlocked the door and waited for my father.

‘I’ll keep quiet for a bit. I don’t want to distract you, but remember we are a beautiful girl and he is going to love what he sees.’

I paced the room, trying to imagine what Daddy (I loved calling him that again) would think.

There was a knock on the door.

‘Come in, it’s open.’

My voice sounded squeaky for some reason.

I stood in the middle of the room, my hands clasped before me. My knees were trembling slightly and I could feel a rivulet of sweat running down my back. I felt very exposed and vulnerable in my thin summer dress and I wondered if I should be doing this. After all, as far as my father was concerned, a few short minutes ago I was George, a boy and not Sophie, obviously a girl. I know that he said that he had accepted me as a girl, but he hadn’t seen what I was like now.

He walked in and stopped in the doorway. He went pale and I thought that he might faint. He staggered and clutched at a chair to avoid keeling over.

‘You like?’ I said rather ineffectually.

Hannah broke her self-imposed silence.

‘Oh Lord Sophie, I think that he sees me!’

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To Be Continued..?

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