Previously…

‘George, could you come down to the security suite please?’

‘OK Julia; anything wrong?’

‘I just want to show you something.’

‘Give me five minutes.’

I put the phone down.

‘I wonder what that’s about?’

‘Probably wants to show you her latest toy; laser guided missile or something.’

‘Yea, she almost has as many gadgets as Daddy. “Daddy”, where did that come from?’

‘Probably my benign influence.’

‘Did you learn such heavy words at that chocolate Swiss roll of a school you belonged to?’

‘Flaming cheek!’

We both giggled.

I changed into jeans and a loose t-shirt that hid my sports bra covered breasts quite well and then made my way down to the security suite.

Julia was in there by herself. She put the phone down and looked up with a strange look on her face.

‘Hi George or is it Sophie?’

And now the story continues…

‘Oh bum!’ said Hannah in my head.

‘What do you mean Julia?’ I asked.

‘Come over here please.’

With dread, I walked over and then Julia pointed at the screen in front of her.

I was by the swimming pool, under the sports bra, you could clearly see the outline of girls breasts, not big, but definitely not something seen on a normal boy; but it wasn’t only that, my shape was unmistakably that of a girl, nothing too obvious as thirteen year old girls, unless they were very advanced, didn’t do the bum, hip and thigh thing, but the shape was a girls one, not a boys.

In the video, I appeared to be muttering to myself, but I knew that it was just Hannah and I doing the internal dialogue thing. I wished now that I had kept my big mouth shut.

‘Isn’t there something you want to tell me?’

‘I don’t think so.’ I replied.

Julia sighed.

‘Have you been taking drugs?’

‘The occasional aspirin…’

‘Not hormones?’

‘No!’I shouted.

‘Does that mean no you haven’t been taking any or yes you have?’

‘No I haven’t.’ I replied stiffly.

‘So, how do you explain the fact that you now have the body shape of a girl?’

‘Its none of your business!’ I cried, as I turned and ran out of the room.

Before I knew it, I was back in my bedroom and lying on my bed crying my eyes out.

I could hear Hannah trying to comfort me, but I was in a strange place. I so much wanted to be a girl, but I wanted to do it in my time under my own terms. All this had happened so fast, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. And now Julia knew and she would tell Daddy and then it would all be out. Well not all out, because how could I tell him that I was cohabiting my body with his dead daughter?

I cried a bit more until I was all cried out. Then I could sense Hannah trying to talk to me and somehow I let my defences down and I could hear her once again.

‘Sophie, I’m so sorry.’

‘Why, it’s not your fault and I love having you here with me, it’s the only good thing about this mess.’

Somehow, I knew that she wanted to say something.

‘Alright, I sighed, ‘out with it.’

‘You won’t shout at me?’

‘No.’ I said as I wiped my eyes and then blew my nose on a tissue.

‘Look, lets go for a walk down on the beach. Its quiet there and we will be away from too many prying eyes. I wouldn’t put it past Julia and the other security people to actually bug our rooms.’

‘They wouldn’t do that!’

‘Don’t be so sure. They take orders from Daddy and he may have ordered it without us knowing.’

‘But Dad wouldn’t do that either.’

‘You are beginning to sound like a parrot, repeating yourself. We don’t know what Daddy would do to protect you. As far as he is concerned, he has lost his wife and daughter. He wouldn’t want to lose his son too.’

All this conversation had taken place in my head and so there wouldn’t be any chance of eavesdroppers. Mind you, I did feel like someone, namely Julia, might be watching me, so I agreed to go down to the beach.

I went over to the doors leading out to the balcony and then went down the couple of steps, used my swipe card to open the gate and then followed the path leading down to the beach.

Soon I was walking along the sand, parallel to the water lapping up the shore and I gradually began to feel a wee bit better.

‘So, oh enlightened one, what’s on your mind?’ I asked.

‘Okay, lets talk about what’s happening to you.’

‘Us.’ I corrected.

‘What?’

‘Its us; you are in this too.’

‘Aww, that’s sweet; okay us then. Let me lay it out for you and you can argue against me if you feel you need to, fair enough?

‘Okay, spit it out.’

I wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but I would give her a fair hearing before I threw my dummy out of the pram, as Mum used to say.

‘Okay, lets start with the easy stuff. Are you a girl or boy?’

‘A girl, of course.’

‘But everyone thinks that you are a boy.’

‘Yes, you know that...’

‘Have patience, little one. All right, you agree that you are a girl inside but a boy outside, or you were before all these changes started happening.’

‘Yes.’

‘But now things are happening beyond your control and by some weird but rather exciting magical type stuff, your are changing into a real, bona fide girl and you have little me inside you to keep you company.’

‘I suppose.’

‘Well, don’t sound too enthusiastic! Anyway, look at yourself; you know that you now have breasts and your penis and other bits and pieces are disappearing to God knows where and your shape is more like a girl than a boy. Your hair is softer and has suddenly grown a couple of inches and I bet those three hairs you have on your chest have gone.’

Without thinking my hand slipped under the sports bra and moved to my chest – no hairs.

‘See, I told you so.’

‘I can’t stand it when you are in smug mode. So what point are you making?’

‘The point is, that you will very soon be a girl, one hundred percent and then it will be obvious to a blind bat that you are a girl.’

‘Bats aren’t blind.’

‘Don’t get off the point, Miss Smarty Pants. Am I or am I not telling the truth?’

‘I suppose.’ I admitted grudgingly.

‘Right, so you want to be a girl and are now in fact a girl or soon will be by the look of it.’

‘Yes, get on with it.’

‘You didn’t tell Daddy about how you felt because you were worried that he was still upset about me and Mummy dying?’

‘You know that.’

‘But you have always considered yourself to be a girl and when I asked you several times to come clean to our parent,s you came out with several lame different excuses as to why they shouldn’t be told, like they would react badly or they would worry or feel guilty or something.’

‘Well, they might have.’

‘Maybe, but I doubt it and I told you that tons of times but would you listen?’

We reached the end of the shore, by the rocks and so we turned around and went the other way. It was funny saying “we” instead of “I”, but my body now had what was effectively a split personality running it. You would have thought that I would trip over myself as Hannah’s part struggled with mine, but it wasn’t like that. Everything done was seamless and almost without thought. I still seemed to be the one in control though and I had to let go before Hannah took over the body. My thoughts were private unless I wanted to share them and I knew that it was the same for Hannah.

Weird or what?

We carried on our internal talk as water lapped over my feet, or should I say our feet? I shook my head; I couldn’t be doing with this mine and our thing. I will say mine unless Hannah is driving, if that’s the word for it.

‘Well?’

‘Well what,’

‘Do you agree you weren't listening?’

‘About what?’

‘Oh Sophie, pay attention! We are discussing our future here and what we need to do.’

‘Deny everything?’

‘You heard what Julia said. She knows all and you can bet that she will tell Daddy, if he doesn’t already know.’

‘She doesn’t know all. She doesn’t know about the necklace and all the weird things that have happened and she certainly doesn’t know about you.’

‘True and she doesn’t need to know that. I think that you should sort of come clean and tell her that your body has changed a bit and you have looked up things on line and that you might be cross gendered or something.’

‘You mean intersexed.’

‘That’s the one.’

‘Daddy will hate me.’ I sniffed.

‘No he won’t, he’s a darling.’

‘He loved me being a boy and we could do manly things together.’

‘When did he last do a manly thing with you?’

‘Erm.’

‘Exactly; look honey; lets face facts, you were always a girl but you were afraid to let it out. Daddy is always busy with work and I bet that he’s even busier now that Mummy and I have gone. Now is your chance to grab his attention and spend a bit more time with you. This problem, if that what it really is, isn’t going to go away; so take the initiative and talk to Daddy. You need to say something to Julia first as she’s twigged what’s going on, or she thinks she has anyway and we don’t want her to blab to Daddy about it and give him the wrong story.’

I could feel that Hannah believed that I should grasp the nettle and start telling people exactly what was going on. She was very quiet for a while and I was pleased because it gave me a chance to think things through.

I wondered what the alternatives were to revealing myself. Could I go on the way I was. I could have if my bodily changes weren’t quite so obvious, but I looked more and more like a girl every time I looked at myself. I sat on the sand and looked out to sea and wondered if I just stood up and walked out into the water…

‘Don’t even think it!’

‘You shouldn’t be listening to my thoughts.’

‘I didn’t mean to, honest Sophie, but I just knew that you were in a bad place and anyway if you go then I go, and that just isn’t going to happen on my watch. Maybe it’s something magical, my being here inside you and sharing you, but I wasn’t sent back here just to die again by drowning. I want to live and I want to be with you forever. It would be a waste if you just give in.’

I sighed.

‘I know, I’m not brave enough to do something that stupid anyway. Oh, what the heck, lets get it over with.’

‘At last, something sensible and anyway, drowning doesn’t do anything for your hair!’

I giggled nervously.

Just then my phone trimbled, it was a text.

‘Oh hell!’

‘She doesn’t sound hostile.’

‘If you say so.’ I replied, unconvinced.

I took a deep breath. It was time to face the music. Hannah was quiet and I was thankful for that. I think that she knew that this was something that I would have to deal with myself.

I replied;

I stood up, brushed the sand off my jeans and then made my way back to the house. I didn’t know what I would say, but it was time that I faced the facts and the consequences. One thing that I wouldn’t be saying was; that my sister was alive and living in me!

Julia was sitting in an easy chair reading a letter or something when I walked in and I sat in another, opposite her.

She looked up and smiled.

‘Thanks for coming. Sorry that I was a bit heavy earlier, but I was worried about you.’

‘Why?’

She looked awkward for a moment and then, after hesitating for a moment, continued.

‘Sorry, before I answer your question, I have to ask again; are you sure that you haven’t been taking drugs?’

‘No, of course not!’

‘Look, I want to help, but you have to tell me everything and then we can sort things out. The video isn’t lying and I have eyes in my head; I can see that you are changing.’

‘You spied on me.’ I said, my voice cracking with emotion, all thoughts of my coming clean, forgotten.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I thought that you knew that the pool area is one of the ones that are monitored. It’s a possible entry point for intruders and we have hidden cameras there. Didn’t your father tell you that?’

I shook my head, not daring to say anything in case I started crying. I was getting very emotional lately…

‘Well anyway, I’m sorry that I said something to upset you. Look; tell me what is going on?’

‘How did you know about Sophie?’ I asked cleverly answering her question with one of my own.

‘Yes how did she know?’ chipped in Hannah.

Julia looked at me and I could tell somehow that she was going to pick her words carefully.

‘Well, as part of the security, all packages are screened by me before being passed to you. We have equipment that scans for any possible problems. One of the packages that has just arrived is addressed to a Sophie Carlyle. I had come across that name in a few of the internet logs and after digging a little deeper, I connected the dots. It wasn’t hard to do that when I saw the footage of you down by the pool.’

‘So, not only do you spy on me, but you look at my internet history as well?’

‘Yes I do, its my job. I sometimes wonder if you realise what a tempting target you are for kidnap and God knows what else. You are the soul heir to one of the largest fortunes in the world. Your dad has kept you as much as possible away from the public eye, to protect you. Even with the enhanced security we have around you, there are always risks. Look at the Pope and Ronald Reagan, to name but a few. They had the highest security available and even they were got at and nearly died, and then there were the Kennedy brothers, who weren’t so lucky…’

‘So I cant have a private life then?’ I cried, once again getting all emotional and not being able to control it.

‘We try our best not to interfere and I really didn’t want to say anything, but I have noticed what has been happening to you. I have known for ages that you wear girls’ clothes. It isn’t spying, it is just observation. For example, the other day, we went shopping and you bent down to look at something on a bottom shelf in that cycle shop; your pink panties were showing.

‘Quite often you wear androgynous clothes like jeans that are girls ones and t-shirts that give mixed messages, I know that you thought that you could do it without detection, but I’m a trained observer and I pick up on things that aren’t quite right. Then there is the fact that you are quite feminine in your movements. You do things that are, to me anyway, quite feminine and you don’t even realise that you are doing it.

‘I could give you lots of examples, but the final piece in the jigsaw was when I saw you by the pool, looking at yourself and mumbling to Hannah. Hannah is dead, you know that, but I wonder if you have accepted it.’

‘I’m not dead!’ shouted Hannah in my mind.

I agreed with her, but couldn’t very well say anything.

‘So, I ask again, are you George or Sophie?’

I sat there, feeling drained. She knew my secret. I had been so stupid to pay for that skirt using my Sophie charge account. I had set it up some time ago. It was not a credit card. You have to put funds in it and then draw on those funds. One of the advantages of having that kind of account was the lack of security checks. I just wanted something in that name to avoid the embarrassment of using a George type card to pay for my girly things. Normally I used a drop box at the local post office to pick my things up, but this time I must have been distracted and had put my home address as the place to send the skirt.

I cursed myself for wearing panties and those girls’ clothes in public. I thought that I was clever but I now knew how stupid I really was.

Looking up at Julia, I could see that she didn’t seem too revolted with the idea that I was more of a girl than a boy. She had always been so nice to me and we had had nice times together…

‘Tell her Sophie, she knows some of it already.’

‘Be quiet Hannah,’ I thought back, ‘I’m thinking.’

After a moment I looked up and said, ‘My real name is Sophie.’

Julia smiled.

‘So, tell me about it.’

Now I had admitted it, I wanted to go the whole way and tell her almost everything, leaving out the Hannah situation, of course.

‘I have always been a girl as long as I could remember. Having a sister like Hannah reinforced it too, as I always considered us to be exactly the same. We couldn’t be identical twins because according to the world, I was a boy and she was a girl, but we looked as alike as two people could be when one of them had a penis and the other didn’t.’

‘When we were small, Hannah and I swapped clothes and pretended to be each other. Our parents never twigged and we did it quite often, when we thought that we could get away with it. As I grew up, the feeling that I was in the wrong body became stronger and I started to borrow a lot of Hannah’s things and we always both dressed as girls when we could, which was quite often, as our parents were away almost as much as they were with us.

‘Then we both went away to our respective boarding schools and the opportunities for me to dress as a girl was more difficult. Lately, I have felt changes to my body and noticed that my breasts were growing like a girls and my shape was changing too. My penis, never very big, was shrinking and I wondered what was going on. I looked on the internet and I wondered if I was intersexed. I have been plucking up the courage to tell Dad about it, but I suppose I’m a coward as I don’t want him to reject me.’

I put my head in my hands and started crying again. I had told a sort of truth, but that was as far as I would ever go. I would never mention Hannah or the necklace thing; that was one step too far and would not be believed anyway.

‘Well done Sis, you told it good!’

I felt some arms around me.

‘Its okay Sophie, we can sort it out. But you have to tell your dad, or do you want me too?’

I moved away from her and wiped my eyes with a tissue.

‘No, it has to be me.’

‘You know that it means doctors and stuff?’

‘I know, I need to know what is going on with my body.’

‘Alright, I happen to know that your Dad is coming back a bit early as the things he had to do abroad were tied up sooner than expected. He will be home tomorrow morning. We won’t say or do anything until you and he have a chat about it; is that all right?’

I nodded.

‘I am the only one who knows about all this and I won’t be telling anyone else without your permission.’

‘What about Dad?’

She hesitated for a split second.

‘I did text him about some concerns that I had about you, but no specifics.’

‘So, him coming home has nothing to with me?’

She shrugged.

‘Maybe, but I think that its more like what he told me; that he had finished early and he wanted to get home so he could ride quad bikes with you.’

‘Hmm.’

We spoke for a while longer and then, as we appeared to be repeating ourselves; we finally agreed that we would talk again after my conversation with my father the next day. Julia made it clear that she would speak to him if I didn’t and I couldn’t blame her as she had my interests at heart and it was a fact that Dad was her employer and had tasked her to look after me.

‘That went well,’ said Hannah as we lay on the bed in a thin cotton nightie that night.

‘At least she didn’t judge me.’

‘No, she’s in a difficult position; she wants to look after you but is answerable to Daddy.’

‘I still think that she is sneaky. I don’t know if I can trust her any more.’

I yawned. Today had been difficult and I just needed to sleep.

‘G’night Hannah,’ I said as I switched the light off.’

‘Night honey, don’t worry, Daddy will come through. He’s a sweetie.’

I wasn’t so sure. Dad could be very ruthless where business is concerned, otherwise he wouldn’t have got where he was. I hoped that I would get his cuddly side rather than his nasty side when he found out about what was happening to me. My breasts felt quite sore and ticklish and I had aches and pains through out body as I struggled to get some sleep. I felt a sharp pain in my groin and when I felt down there, my penis seemed even smaller than before and search as I might, I couldn’t find my testicles in the scrotal sac.

How was I going to explain all this to Dad and what about the doctors? I was pretty sure that vanishing boy bits were not considered normal even for an apparent intersexed kid.

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To Be Continued..?

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