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(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2271 by Angharad Copyright © 2014 Angharad
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Danni eventually went to bed and after chatting with Sammi and Julie about everything and nothing, I sat with a cuppa in the kitchen and was joined by Stella. “How’s my protégé?” she asked.
“Which one?” I replied pointing at the teapot to which she nodded. I poured her a cup and we sat at the table to imbibe the cup that cheers. According to the latest research it cures this and helps prevent that, so it’s proven to be good for you. However, I drink it because I like it.
“The original one, who else?”
“Me, you mean?”
“Duh–like who else?”
“I’m okay, but worried about Danni.”
“Ah, our little uncertain convert.”
“The same.”
“She isn’t likely to do the same again, is she?”
“No, she doesn’t have any more painkillers and she did give me her word she wouldn’t.”
“Do you believe her?”
“Yes, she might be a crazy mixed up kid, but she isn’t a liar.”
“We’re agreed on that then.”
“I thought I’d ask her to cope for six months and see how it went.”
“With the school and things?”
“Yes, that will give a different context to it all and once she gets used to sitting to wee, she might actually make some friends and start to enjoy herself.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“I hope by then Stephanie will have thought of something.”
“Like reverting to being a boy?”
“I don’t think that’s really possible.”
“Why? It’s only her willie that went awol. Isn’t being something more than just what does or doesn’t dangle between your legs?”
“Yes, but getting mine sorted was very important to me.”
“Yes, but you’re different, you knew what the problem was from an early age, I don’t think that applies to Danielle. You were also desperate to shag my brother to validate yourself.”
I blushed, was I that transparent or shallow for that matter? “I think there was also validating my feelings for him.”
“That’s what I meant,” she blushed, so hadn’t meant it.
“Anyway, I don’t have any regrets about either and I still love Simon as much now as I did when I first fell for him.”
“Are we talking literal or metaphoric?”
“A bit of both, I suppose, I fell for him emotionally but that was after I fell on top of him and wasted a glass of wine.”
“That was so funny,” she said laughing and by the look in her eye she was revisiting the memory. “You were so nervous.”
“Nervous? I was almost in full blown panic. I had no idea about either of you except you’d seen my boobs and hadn’t freaked.”
“Why should I have?”
“Well–I suppose being a bit half and half was embarrassing.”
“For you maybe, not me. That sort of thing has never worried me.”
“It might if it were you who was in transition.”
“I accept that would be different, but you were doing all you could, or thought you could, to reach some sort of resolution–except you’d have been a pensioner before you got there at your rate.”
“I was working up to it.” I protested even though I knew she was right.
“What one step forward two back?”
“Okay, so you catapulted me forwards.”
“From that day onwards I don’t think Charlie ever appeared again, did he?”
“No,” I felt a little sad about that. It’s ridiculous I know because I’m still me, but not the me I used to be. We all say, ‘I’ll still be the same only the wrapper is changing,’ and when we say it we mean it, but we’re wrong. We do change and by more than we would in just the normal ageing and experience way. It’s as if all the repressed things we’ve been keeping out of sight start to trickle through, feelings and actions, thoughts, and gestures–then the trickle starts to gain momentum and in a short time we’re in full spate.
And, god help those who ask about it–we talk their ears off. All that pent up emotion and ambition is suddenly released and we seem to need to tell everyone ad nauseum. We must be so boring it’s untrue. I blushed as I saw bits of myself for the first time in this light.
“So poor ol’ Charlie disappeared.”
“He got integrated.”
“That sounds painful,” she said with a very dirty cackle, I’m sure she’s got a broomstick hidden somewhere.
I recalled the dream I had when that happened and it was painful. I shrugged though there was some moistness in my eyes. She touched my hand and I smiled back at her.
“It was, wasn’t it?” she asked.
I couldn’t speak but nodded with tears dripping down my nose and onto my lap.
“And you wanted to do it.”
I nodded and the tears flowed more strongly, I could see where this was going.
“So poor little Danielle must be beside herself with grief for the loss of Daniel her previous incarnation. Has Stephanie allowed her to mourn his passing?”
“I don’t know if she’s done it in such an explicit sense–I’ll speak to her and if it’s necessary perhaps talk to Danni and see if she wants to do something.”
“Will you be able to cope with it if she gets upset?”
“As her mother, I hope so or she’s going to be in trouble in future months and years.”
“Hmm,” agreed Stella nodding.
I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. “Thanks for raising this. I’ve sort of thought about it at times, but sometimes it needs a little chat to make it more coherent.”
“It was just something that struck me, we’re all so intent on moving him on to be her, that we haven’t given him time to deal with his loss.”
“You’re absolutely right, Stella, thank you for pointing it out, somehow in all the excitement I seemed to have overlooked it.”
“Because all the others wanted to do it long before they met you, so you helped them fulfil their ambitions, Danny was different and he’s still different.”
Where had all this come from? Stella didn’t usually talk about these things–was this her getting back into nurse mode and being aware of others as more than lumps of flesh.
“While I was waiting at the hospital, all of this started to bounce around in my head. It’s taken a few days to gel but I think it’s pretty well there now.”
“Stella, every now and again you see something I missed and when you mention it, it jumps out at me as if it were ten feet tall and painted bright pink. Then it’s so obvious I can’t believe I missed it.”
“Cathy, sometimes we’re so busy with life we can’t see things because we’re too close to them. You’ve done the same to me at times, given me insights which I’d missed completely. It’s all about being sisters and friends, I guess–having trust in each other.”
I made her stand up and hugged her. “I hope we’ll always be friends as well as sisters.”
“Yes, so do I, Cathy. We need each other.” We hugged and bonded for some timeless moments.
“Is this a lesbian session or can anyone join in?” came Simon’s voice and I cringed at the inappropriateness of his school boy humour. One day he’ll grow up, but obviously that won’t be today.
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Comments
Joining into the lesbian session...
Wouldn't that make it an incestual bisexual make out session?
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Nice tongue twister
:-)
Thanks
It is what is needed for a proper make out session!
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Truths
A posting full of things I know in my soul but can't always get out in coherent words. thank you.
Great episode
Loved seeing Stella actually get into problem solving mode and make some positive suggestions. Is she trying to take over Stephanie's job? She gets the food anyway so that can't be a motivator.
Hope something will get Danni feeling better.
Best issue yet.
This was a fantastic issue today. The exchanges between Catherin and
Stella was so deep and heart felt I had to cry. This was two sisters sharing there lives and experiences in a loving manner.
Mourning Charlie has not been discuss since he made an exit along ago. I think the two of them need to have a sit down talk sometime. May be Catherin may have some closure to her am "I" a good enough women when she is so naturally female and always has been. She has nothing to compare to so talking to Charlie may give her some insight. There are so many things in Catherin's life that can fill in for this vanquished worry.
Dannelle will have a harder time mourning Danni but integration of the two personalities would be a very good thing. Dannelle can do everything Danni could do and enjoy beautiful clothing and the social contacts women have.
Huggles Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
My Guess is Simon Will Never Grow Up
I know I sure haven't. Thanks so much Angharad.
This episode helped me.
In a limited sense, I have been working through something similar to what Danni is doing. My transition was not voluntary in the sense that I would have forgone it to stay with the family. It is another discussion as to the advisability of my not transitioning in the long term sense.
So, now Danni and I are in essentially the same position in many ways. I have decided to forgoe the question about "should I have transitioned" and addressed the issue of getting on with life as there is no other option.
And, having decided to make the best of it, life is generally quite nice; perhaps better than I could have imagined.
I hope that Danniell will follow suit.
Nice....
Really nice!
There've been time I've been very "angry" with Stella, then she (& Cathy) pull something like this.
I do wonder what you'll do with Danni... Poor kid.
Thanks,
Annette
P.S. Hope your trip went well.
Would she?
I mean, would Danni understand leaving her old self in the past and saying goodbye? I hope it can help.
I have a suspicion Simon's schoolboy "wit" was something learned long ago as a defence mechanism, by a boy feeling shy and awkward. It surfaces to confront the alien females.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
A good, deep, insightful session.
I think Stella directly helped Cathy move forward here as much as she indirectly helped Danni. Poor Danni's got a long row to hoe.
Food for thought.
Bevs.
xx
Stella to the rescue ...
Maybe that is a little over simplistic to say but in the absence of any better ideas its certainly worth trying to help Danni let go of her path in order to move forward....
Kirri